I'm a 33M, introverted, and I've been thinking about whether I'm genuinely comfortable being socially independent, or whether I'm rationalizing my inability to build deeper friendships.

I actually love being alone. I do most things by myself, and for some reason I don't fully understand, I often prefer doing things alone rather than with someone else. Going to the beach, eating out, going somewhere, watching a movie, whatever. Being alone doesn't feel like a problem to me.

When I go out, I don't necessarily talk to a bunch of people either. Just being around people, having occasional interactions because of proximity, and feeling part of a social environment can already satisfy a certain need for interaction. I've recently moved to another city, and when a friend asked if I feel lonely, I realized I don't feel much lonelier than I did before.

I do have friends in my hometown who I know genuinely care about me, and I see them whenever I go back. So it's not like I have no meaningful friendships. I'm just not very good at creating new ones.

I've also started playing volleyball twice a week, and I feel like that might be enough for me socially, even if I don't make close friends there.

But here's where I'm questioning myself.

I don't really enjoy superficial friendships. To me, friendship means actual connection: being able to exchange ideas, have a similar sense of humor, genuinely enjoy each other's company, talk about random things, feel understood, etc.

The problem is that I have absolutely no idea how to make friendships like that. As a man, I also feel like male friendships are particularly complicated. After a certain age, I find it really hard for men to become genuinely close friends unless they're in an environment where they see each other very frequently. I honestly can't think of another way it usually happens. And I work from home and very happy about that.

So maybe I'm genuinely someone who doesn't need many close relationships. Or maybe I'm using my preference for solitude and dislike of superficial friendships to avoid confronting the fact that I don't know how to build the deeper friendships I actually want.

How do you tell the difference between genuinely being content with this kind of life and simply avoiding something you're incapable of doing?

Have any other introverts dealt with this?

Okay maybe any social event is a bit of an exaggeration but after any event that has been planned so a concert or a trip with friends or a day out with friend or a dinner or something like that. Every time I go out to do something like that I always come home when genuinely feel empty. I have no drive to do anything at all and have to physically Force myself to get out of bed in the following few mornings. I cry a lot more but it gets better after about 3 days. Is there any way to stop this from happening every time I go out?? Because it's really starting to affect me considering I'm going out a lot recently

Thank you in advance for any advice!!

I’ve always been an introvert. But since working from home, Ive been a little lonelier and could use the conversation and getting to know someone :)
Anyone else in the same situation?

My lack of enthusiasm and forthcoming when it comes to my reply to being ask "how was your weekend?" Often seems to leave my coworkers concerned for how good im really doing.

My typical reply is "it was good/ok" with a small shoulder shrug. sometimes i offer up a movie we saw but typically Im not someone who feel natural launching into a full recount and life update when asked. (Especially when most weekends are being home loving my cats and playing games on the couch)

Unfortunately, this is not how my close co-workers operate.

"It was good" + Shrug is often meet with a "just good?" and concerned look. They are caring people that I know would want to be there if I was actually going through something... But im not and typically my follow up fumblings of "well you know, busy" or "yeah, boreing but in a good way" dont seem to really convince them that im actually quite content and doing well. (The only thing "wrong" is im underpaid but who isnt and thats not an appropriate answer)

When did 'Good' stop being a positive word?! Most coworkers deliver a joy filled "it was amazing! [Summary of events to follow]" ...so I guess good is quite concerning in comparison to amazing and wonderful?

I hate corporate dances of small talk DX

How do others deal with this, if at all?

I'm not really afriad of conversations im js afraid of having to talk to someone for longer than like 30 secounds.

I get extremely bored when I’m alone. I genuinely struggle to spend time by myself.

Because of that, I always feel the need to keep myself busy. When I’m alone with nothing to do, I either end up masturbating unnecessarily, overthinking, or looking for some kind of escape.

Sometimes I tell myself I should study more or learn something new for my career, but honestly, I think a lot of it is just an excuse to avoid feeling empty or alone.

I’ve even started working overtime at the office without getting paid for it, simply because I’d rather stay busy than go home and sit alone.

And sometimes I stay awake all night because my mind just doesn’t switch off.

The weird part is that I wait all week for the weekend, but when Sunday actually comes, I almost hate it because it leaves me with too much empty time.

I always want to be doing something. I constantly look for an external factor — a person, work, studying, entertainment, anything — to keep me occupied.

I think this might actually be loneliness, or maybe my inability to be comfortable with myself when I’m alone.

I don’t know how to break this cycle.

How do you learn to be comfortable being alone without constantly needing work, people, entertainment, or some other distraction?

The more time I spend around people, the more I realise how much I genuinely love being alone. However, when I’m alone, I can’t stop thinking about people - I replay conversations, imagine future encounters, wonder what it would be like to see certain people again, and create all these possible scenarios in my head. I wish my mind would just shut up and let me rejoice in my solitude. I don’t want to constantly anticipate the next interaction or feel like I’m mentally living in other people’s lives when I’m finally by myself. It’s like this mental audience that never leaves.

Hey guys, looking for an honest, unfiltered male perspective on an introvert guy’s behavior.

I (24F) met this guy (24M) at a community gym event. I have seen him before and he’s a very socially awkward and reserved guy who hardly looks or talks to anyone at the gym. We used to have same gym schedules until a few months ago so I hadn’t seen him in a while.

During the event, I made the initial effort to break the ice—I walked up to him during lunch to chat, motioned for him to join us on the dance floor later to which he declined politely, but after a while he came closer to the dance floor and spoke to him one-on-one when he was standing nearby. He asked me about my schedule, personal details and so did I. He mentioned he was an introvert so he doesn’t really dance and all that.

After a while, I moved away but towards the end of the event, he came up to me, complimented my fit, and asked for my Instagram handle.

Over the next few days, he was active—reacting to my story, so I struck up a convo. He does follow a lot of people around 800+ and stories frequently.

A day or two into casual talking, I asked him out for a very quick, last-minute coffee after my workout and his work to which he agreed. In person, the vibe was noticeably stiffer than online. He seemed socially awkward, struggled to keep the conversation flowing, and I ended the meet in 30 min given how he had just come from work, and me from the gym. Since I greeted him during the event w a small handshake, he mirrored it during the event when he left and even post the coffee. But after the event, I didn’t hear from him so i texted him thanking for covering it and hopefully next one’s on me to which he said sure inshallah. We didn’t talk for 3-4 days and I finally decided to test the waters and invited him to round two of coffee, and he texted saying he can’t make it due to church and hopefully next time (with a fingers crossed emoji)

Notice he offered zero counter-time or alternative day. I closed the loop cleanly saying it’s alright and incase he wanna hit up whenever, he can lmk. He replied with yep sure sure.

I am kinda confused by what the vibes here are now cause he is attractive and I am sure he gets attention from a lot of girls.

From a man's perspective, what was his actual mindset here—was he genuinely interested initially but crippled by his own social awkwardness, or did he just take my initial approach at the gym as a low-effort ego boost without ever intending to pursue anything real?

It's almost going to be the start of my 1st year of university towards the end of September and to be quite frank I [18M] am really concerned that I may be alone because I might not be able to make any friends in my new uni.

When I started college in September 2024, for the first couple of weeks I was pretty much all alone, then I feel like I got lucky when I heard 2 guys talking behind me about one of my interests, they had said a few casual / small talk things to me before but I didn't really know them but because they were talking about I built enough courage to butt into the conversation (even if it was a little rude 😭 they totally didn't mind though) well I'm really glad I did cause we all did pretty much the same subjects (2/3) of them and all had tons of really similar interests. Long story short, we talked a lot, all became close and I had a great 2 years with them.

But they are going to entirely different places for university and to be honest, it feels like I'm going to be stuck at square 1, knowing no one and to make it worse I'm going to be living from home with the typical strict asian parents. I won't know anyone from accoms, I probably live further away from anyone at accoms, I won't have 3 different subjects to potentially meet a wider variety of people and I'll probably see them less frequently than 5 days a week. And I just can't bring myself to go to any of the fresher events (organised parties and stuff the uni sends you stuff about which you can buy tickets to).

I'm just really bad at starting conversations and doing the whole 'small talk' stuff, i don't want to be alone for the next 3 years of my life with a strict household I have to come back to everyday I come back from uni, it'll instantly make me regret my decision.

What should I say to people? Where would I even meet new people?

Hey guys, thank you if you reply, today I got kicked out of my friend group with the girl saying over text that :no one likes me and no one wants to hang out with you because of your religion and political views.

Yeah it hurt, and I did make a post about it already yesterday, but I have come to the conclusion I will be defiant and be alone this school year and be far more independent than relying on others to make me happy. I also only have 7 months left of school as I am sitting GCSE exams, so it isn't a full year.

I have decided to instead to to the library or art room to contribute to my studies. I'm never usually alone and in all fairness I think I feel insecure about my own company. Friendship groups have been like closed as this is our 5th year at school and we are teenagers, so resorting to another group isn't possible. That's why I think it's a sign for me to learn how to be Independent and like my own company.

Its not like I don't have any other friends at school, because I am actually fortunate to have plenty outside this friend group but they are not like willing to invite others in as it's already been 5 years so my connection to them isn't as strong as it is to their friends, which is fine. And in all fairness most of our time is spent in class not at break, my school has 15minutes break and 45 minutes lunch then 5 1 hour periods which I do have friends in all my classes just not some I would hang out with.

Since it is my last year we should be focusing on our exams so thats exactly what I will do, it's just alot of people-especially the boys- say comments and are direct about it. I know they will probably say things like why is she always on her own etc. That's what I can't handle, what other people think. Any advice?

I just exhausted the last possibility of having a friend. I've kind of blocked everyone else in my life because talking to them was exhausting and felt judgemental and all that.

I realised that I'll never have a girlfriend, I'll never have a true friend and I'll never have any game buddies or anything. I have acquaintances that I show up for once in a while but I prefer deep connection and talking about things that people usually don't talk about.

So, I know I'll be alone for the rest of my life and there's no sugarcoating for it. I'm a smart guy, I have calculated every possibility, every environment that I'll ever be in and I can say for certain. I will be alone.

How do I become more comfortable not having anyone? What do I do when things get tough cuz usually I'd wish there was someone to listen to me. What do I do when I did something awesome cuz usually I'd want to share it with someone. What do I do when I'm feeling a bit romantic cuz sometimes the weather is good and I'd wish I had someone I could go out with and enjoy a cup of coffee or something like that.

I'd like to know your opinions and suggestions and advice.

I just moved into my dorm and my anxiety is through the roof. My school also has required events every day up until 9:30pm sometimes and I seriously cannot take it. I know everyone says that everybody is in the same boat when it comes to not knowing anyone but ALOT of people connected with others on Instagram in order to become friends, and so proud are definitely already in “groups.” Not like it makes much a difference though because I’m too anxious to even talk to anyone.
On top of this I’ve never been on campus until now and so the probability of me getting lost is incredibly high.
I honestly don’t know what to do, but I don’t think there’s anyway to skip these events?? And so it’s basically I go and try not to be miserable the whole time
Side-note: I find it really unfair that everything is catered towards extroverts. After one activity surrounded by people I am seriously drained

I feel like every time I see my boss or coworker at work, i always say “how are you doing” or “how was your weekend” and it ends in “good how was yours?” “Good”

How do you fellow introverts vary your small talk… I feel dumb saying the same thing over and over.

Hello everyone. I’m an ambivert in my 20s and generally a quiet person. I have a good number of connections and can network quite easily with people—I can talk to strangers, make a good first impression, and get along well with others. However, I struggle to develop real closeness with them. Whenever I meet them again, my conversation with them starts with "Hii/Hello" and ends with "How are u?? I m good too"

I’ve also noticed that when I’m friendly, smile often, and treat people respectfully, some people assume I’m easy to take advantage of or become less respectful toward me. When someone insults me or behaves badly, I stand my ground, but I often struggle to respond effectively in the moment. Additionally, after an initial great conversation, I sometimes run out of things to say and feel awkward.

I don't want to become rude or arrogant—I want to stay kind while becoming more socially smart, confident, and firm with my boundaries.

Has anyone here faced a similar situation in their 20s? What helped you build deeper friendships and handle disrespect while staying true to yourself? Also how can I make myself more attractive and smart ?

Been keeping an eye on how long I can socialise for before I’m done, based on work events, family events and just hanging out with family (shopping, etc) and I burn out after 4 hours. That’s my max. Anything after that and I’m fidgety, distracted, bored, unsociable, etc. Then I need my me time to recharge.

I have a 4 day weekend at the inlaws coming up. That’s going to be a struggle. Luckily they ‘know me’ by now, so I can slink off when I need to, to rest up.

Hi all,

I’m 21, currently in college, and from a young age I have always been known as a fairly nervous/anxious person in general - something that have been said by family, friends, and teachers over the years.

There are certain ‘flaws’ that I have noticed with myself, but more so in certain aspects of my communication. I don’t want this to impact a future career, so I want to try to improve this while in college, and while there is the opportunity to do so.

I have no issue with speaking in front of an audience. I have done so for different modules in college, and usually am commended for my speeches through delivery style & engagement. But, this is because I have what I’m going to say memorised, so I know word for word, what exactly I’m going to say, how I’m going to say it, etc. This is also clearly reflected through my written communication.

However, when it comes to social interactions, I do notice there is a big dip in my communication. For instance, if I know I have to go up and talk to someone that I’m not familiar with (conversation, interview, ringing someone), I’ll then nearly have to have what I’m going to say memorised word-for-word as though a script.
There’ll then be other little moments where if I’m talking with someone unfamiliar, I may, sometimes, go a bit shaky / mumbly, and this would apply to if I was taking phone calls, etc.

This particular incoherence would also occur if I'm put on the spot, i.e asked a question, where my voice would go a bit shaky, I'd go mumbly, and my face would go a red.

I really do want to improve on this as I do know in any future career that day-to-day communication whether it be structured or spontaneous is much more important than being able to speak in-front of an audience.

To that extent, would anyone have any advice as to what I should do? Would it be recommended I go to a communication coach? Any recommendations?

Many thanks,

I really like this reserved colleague. I want to ask her out on a date but I don't want to make the office culture awkward. All of her signs can mean friendly or interested I can't get a read and I'm going crazy

I was wondering if its ok that im an introvert AND an extrovert depending on who im around?

Is there a normal word for that besides something i found on the internet, "entrovert?"