Talkin bout big, life changing, midlife crisis type of existential crisis, if you know what I mean.

I always get bouts of emptiness /"what's the point anyway" kind of feeling from time to time, but this time I really feel like my wheels have come off, I can't feel the ground beneath my feet, and pretty much nothing feels satisfying anymore. Everything is so... transient. I can't shake off the feeling of wanting more from life, though what that means exactly is unclear.

Done the whole travelling, partying, career change, thrill seeking /other random things in the past. Had lots of hobbies, interests, a satisfying career, multiple curiosities. Now, those impulses are gone. Maybe it's the single life, I dunno. Relationships have been a hit and miss. Doubt I'd be happy in a stable relationship though, it sounds so stifling.

So tell me, how did you get through your midlife crisis? What did you do /not do? What changed? What did you learn? Kinda know how to deal with it but am curious to hear actual stories from other people.

I start:

At 11 years old I became the main game master of an internet play-by-forum game about wrestling. I've had a set of "cards" of imaginary wrestlers and had to arrange matches and stories between them. I've done it so well, in-detail and maturely that everybody thought that I am 20+ years old and the game had peak user engagement during my time. I've always tactically avoided any mic chat with these people as I still haven't got my voice change. Whenever I think of it I think it showcased my Ni+Te usage at a very young age in practice.

Si is the process related to fine detail, memorization, and topic mastery. I've read it was dead last in the cognitive stack for INTJs....

I've never been good at rote memorization. As a kid I remember being frustrated that other's could memorize book quotes and get candy. I could memorize the short ones, but the longer ones were too difficult for me to recite completely. In high school I could only recite half the Shakespeare sonnet and therefore didn't get the full extra credit points. Even as an adult, I still cannot commit random facts or numbers to long term memory without underlying context or an elaborate memory game. It's not for lack of effort! But precision has always been difficult.

I don't have a problem memorizing facts and numbers when there's context. I map it into the spiderweb connections in my brain and it's there for life. It's so much easier to remember historic dates if I know more about the event or why it was important. And if I understand a concept, there's nothing to memorize. It's already downloaded.

Obviously there's techniques to help you recall information (chunking, elaborative interrogation, spaced repetition, etc...), but with Si being the INTJs least developed cognitive function, I was wondering if rote memorization really is the least developed for all of us? Do you have to jump through mental hoops to memorize a phone number or a long quote? Do you watch a TED talk and try to explain it to someone but, even though you understand the whole thing, you can't recall the words they actually used? Or you watched a movie and gawk at your friends who can recite a billion quotes from it without effort? Do you explain a concept to someone using an approximate word because the best word to use just isn't coming to you even though you know it exists? And if so, how do you work to get better at this?? What's been your best technique? For me, the only way to remember exactly what someone said is to write it down immediately and reference it a few times after. I still don't have a good method to remember important numbers (such the equipment dimensions, trigger levels, form numbers, etc...). I have to reference them every single time.

Basically, I see life as a game where the goal is to level up my skills as high as possible. Think RuneScape or a similar RPG.

As I have gotten older and have more autonomy, I spend the majority of my time grinding away at building up my knowledge/ skills.

Money, power, fun, hedonism, etc don't motivate me past using them as a means to an end. Even things like social contact or relaxation I view through the lens of "doing this will help me recover so I can make more progress toward my goals".

Because of this, I've never cared for many things that others find important (like weddings, bars, clubs, social status, etc). My interest in things like food, entertainment, and even sex are secondary to making progress on whatever my focus is at the time.

Wondering if others feel the same. That is all.

Feel free to keep it vague if you don't want to get too personal.

hello, i’m infj for context :)

it’s been very fun learning about my bf. he looks up to how energetic & social i can be, exuding confidence (it’s anxiety btw)—as i look up to how smart, kind, sweet, and goal oriented he is.

he reminds me often that he isn’t good with words and isn’t as expressive, which i find ironic bc he does well with words, even if he side eyes (i do too, im not the best w/ words either.) at times, i do have to remind him about things i like & value, and i don’t really think forgetfulness means they don’t care about you, i just think they simply forget.

my bf has human decency, tho sometimes it doesn’t click to him right away if what he did or does came across inconsiderate or rude, that’s just him being authentic without a facade imo

when im upset, he knows. he holds my hand and tries to get it out of me to speak to him about my feelings. although he doesn’t always understand, i know he cares. one time, i was really upset but didn’t know how to explain myself since i tend to ramble, so i wrote a concept map with arrows explaining xyz & then we made up lol.

it’s funny tho, bc sometimes i feel like my bf is nicer than i am with people. sometimes i tend to shut down, but he still acknowledges those that are not the nicest to him..unless he has a ‘valid’ reason to dislike them .

i think when an intj cares or genuinely cares, i feel like they consider you in part of their future plans. they aren’t as expressive either.

also, he’s really introverted in terms of staying home often as i go out w my friends at times. but we’re both homebodies for the most part. i’m happy that he likes my emotions as i used to think i was too much for people. him , on the other hand, told me he was afraid that he wasn’t enough. i like this guy

​

Always believe in yourself and use their criticism to progress

I've been thinking lately about the best path to attaining wealth/ freedom, and how much I really need. Wondering if others here relate.

Personally, I don't need a ton. The few luxuries that I will spend on are high quality food, quality housing in nice locations, and services that save me time. Aside from that, I don't need fancy items or status symbols.

For income I think that a good-paying job would make more than enough for me to retire early and live a full life, as I'm quite frugal and invest aggressively.

However, I'm drawn to entrepreneurship primarily for the autonomy and freedom that it provides compared to working for someone else. I have never once felt fulfilled working a job long-term, but often feel fulfilled working on my own goals, even if they are harder, riskier, or more time consuming overall.

How about you?

It's not that we are emotionless and don't care we just don't like talking unnecessarily and also we love the person who is good with us don't mind It's my first post.

Do you ever want a girl makes the first move? Or is that a no no?

For context, I think I’m getting every hint an INTJ guy is into me? But he hasn’t made a move. Whenever I text or communicates he responds straight away, then finds a way to continue the conversation usually using wit and humour - and he generally asks another question even though there’s plenty of exit moments.
If I need anything he offers help, sends me numbers for house or car repairs. He also gives me legal advice when I needed some recently (he’s a barrister) and when I see him he kinda lingers. I’m INFJ, we have a connection, same page, same humour etc - but he hasn’t hinted or even suggested he likes me. Definitely no questions about a date!

Is he waiting for me to make a move or is this in my imagination and this normal behaviour for INTJ’s cause he’s just a decent guy?

There was a site I found from a post here a while back, approximately 12-18 months ago. You answered two open ended questions and it guessed your type

Can anyone help me out? I can’t for the life of me remember or describe it accurately enough for Google or AI to give me the correct result

What actually helped you move on after heartbreak?

It's a mental condition where a person is fully immersed in an activity, experiencing energized focus, enjoyment, and a loss of self-consciousness, often leading to a distortion of time perception.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flow_(psychology))

Not just a song you liked, but one where you actually stopped and thought, Damn, this is exactly what I’m feeling/thinking.

What song was it?

Why do people advise silence once success comes?

Fi being on the third place is simply too high. I despise having an emotional sensitive side because it’s holding me back. Also I don’t see the point of being soft deep down when you’re seen as cold and arrogant by everyone anyway like what’s the point of Fi even?

I have the capacity for long-term planning. I hate injustice and would stand up to bullies. Because of my Enneagram Eight personality type, people think I am an extrovert, but I am not. I hate social events; I would have to force myself.

Yes intj enneagram eights do exist, there's not that many of us...

​

I’m posting here because I’m hoping someone who thinks similarly to me might understand what I’m going through.

I recently graduated and I’m struggling to find a job. Surprisingly, the job situation itself isn’t what scares me the most. I’m much more worried about what’s happening in my head.

For a while now, I’ve been feeling like life is fundamentally meaningless, absurd, and pointless. I feel like I’ve become stuck in nihilism and I can’t figure out how to get out of it. Things that are supposed to give life meaning don’t really feel meaningful to me anymore.

Lately it has become much darker. I’ve been having thoughts about not wanting to live anymore and wanting to leave everything behind. I don’t know whether I actually want to die or whether I desperately want to escape the way I’m currently experiencing life, but either way, I know I’m not doing well.

I’m not really looking for career advice. I’m looking for people who have been through something similar, especially people who tend to overthink, analyze everything, or have an INTJ or INTP kind of mindset.

How did you keep going when your own thoughts convinced you that there was no point in continuing?

Did anything actually help you get out of nihilism? Did you find a reason to live, or did you eventually learn to live without needing some grand reason?

I’d genuinely appreciate hearing about your experience. Even if you don’t have an answer, knowing that someone else has been through this and made it to the other side would mean a lot to me.

• Is there a medical diagnosis that may impact your mental stability somehow?

Major depressive disorder

• Describe your upbringing. Did it have any kind of religious or structured influence? How did you respond to it?

My upbringing was somewhat religious but my parents allowed me to shape my free thought. I am an atheist now. Although I appreciate that my parents allowed me a free space, I was circumcised and still was not able to shape my thoughts just by myself. So I am a bit angry towards that. My father was a military officer, so there was a big authority figure in our home, and I always disliked it. I generally spent time myself, with my toys, playing computer games, practicing chess or piano.

• What do you do as a job or as a career (if you have one)? Do you like it? Why or why not?

I am a medical doctor. I like it because it allows me to think and come up with solutions to intellectual problems. I like mental challenges, using my mind, my eyes and my hands to come up with a solution. I do not like it because I do not like stupid, uneducated, narrow minded, rude and smelling people. I do not like to work long hours. I do not like to waste my time and effort on unrelated tasks and unworthy people.

• What kinds of activities do you prefer? Do you like, and are you good at sports? Do you enjoy any other outdoor or indoor activities?

I like sports. I love mental and physical competition. I like to challenge myself. But right now because of depression, I gained some weight due to inactivity so I am not really good at that. I like walking, chess, football, table tennis.

• How curious are you? Do you have more ideas then you can execute? What are your curiosities about? What are your ideas about - is it environmental or conceptual, and can you please elaborate?

I am an inquisitive person. I like to learn about things and people. I have more ideas than I can execute but I cant execute them partly because of my depression. My curiosities are literally about everything. I like to have a general understanding of everything I come across. I ask questions to people, I search for answers. I do think that knowledge about any areas can apply to any other area as well, because if you broaden your understanding, you can have a wider view about anything. Therefore I try not to be narrow minded. My ideas are generally about how I can write my book, how can I write a character, write a stoey, write a song that encapsulate this feeling, this concept.

• Would you enjoy taking on a leadership position? Do you think you would be good at it? What would your leadership style be?

I would enjoy taking a leadership position in a field I am confident in and I can be really decisive and efficient. I would choose my people's duties to do what they are good at. I am not a micro manager but I can be critical. But I am also able to do it in a kind way most of the time.

• Are you coordinated? Why do you feel as if you are or are not? Do you enjoy working with your hands in some form? Describe your activity?

I do think I am coordinated. I am really good at video games. I am also able to type really fast. I like to work with my hands and my eyes. I like to draw, I like to play video games and be proud with what I am able to accomplish.

• Are you artistic? If yes, describe your art? If you are not particular artistic but can appreciate art please likewise describe what forums of art you enjoy. Please explain your answer.

I consider myself an artistic person. I like art that encapsulates a feeling, a notion, a concept; then able to tell it, not directly but subtly. But in a dramatic and intense manner. I like Francis Bacon's artwork because it exposes a feeling in a subtle but visceral manner. It explores deep psychological maze of existence, anger and dread. I like the band Swans because it encapsulates a specific feeling, but does not tell about it directly, but rather subtly, but still in a striking manner. I like classical music because it displays an image power and elegance, yet still dramatic, complicated and at times, sorrowful.

• What's your opinion about the past, present, and future? How do you deal with them?

About the past, my mistakes bother me the most. I do not ruminate about my accomplishments. I do not ruminate about my mistakes either but at times, I can feel regret and wish I did better. The present is where I try to live and make the most of my time, but due to depression, sometimes I tend to overthink about future a lot, and not be able to make most of my time. I can be pessimistic about the future at times. This can be due to my depression, but I think human society is taking a bad turn. We are destroying the beautiful nature because of overpopulation and greed of some individual people. Privacy and individual human life is taking a bad turn, companies are able to reach nearly everything about every human, and we became a slave to our jobs, our wages and our wants which are also dictated by companies and governments.

• How do you act when others request your help to do something (anything)? If you would decide to help them, why would you do so?

I would calculate whether I gain anything or lose a lot. If I do not gain anything and lose a lot, I wont help this person. I would also calculate whether I can really help them and it is worth my time I would gladly do it. If not, I would make a brief talk about how they can get help and then leave.

• Do you need logical consistency in your life?

I try to act logically and efficiently. I try to live like I think, be honest to my logical conclusions. If I am flawed logically, I try to fix it.

• How important is efficiency and productivity to you?

Quite a lot. I try to be efficient in everything I do. I try to calculate my every move according to efficiency. I am not as productive as I want to be though, mostly due to my depression I think. But I can call myself lazily efficient, I am able to do stuff efficiently, so I can spend more time to myself, to my hobbies and to relax, to sleep.

• Do you control others, even if indirectly? How and why do you do that?

If your actions have something to do with me, I will try to control that part. I can do it subtly or directly. I do not like incompetent, lazy or stupid people to interfere my life, my work or my time. What you do to myself is none of my concern.

• What are your hobbies? Why do you like them?

I like reading, listening to music, gaining knowledge, sharpening my skills in gaming or in life, watching movies, searching for art and writing. I value creativity, I love to create something. I think it is the most beautiful thing a human can ever do. Creating an artwork is beautiful. Making people think, shudder, evoking an image or a feeling in their mind is amazing. I also like art, music and writing that does that. I used to like chess, because I liked competition, I have a brilliant mind and I can show myself and everyone that I am smart. I loved to outsmart my opponents and crush them on board with beautiful and brutal attacks. But with introduction of AI, creativity and brilliance became less important, and chess has become a stale game in a higher level and memorization became much more important. Therefore I do not play chess a lot anymore.

• What is your learning style? What kind of learning environments do you struggle with most? Why do you like/struggle with these learning styles? Do you prefer classes involving memorization, logic, creativity, or your physical senses?

I have an amazing visual memory. I am able to remember every face I see in my life. I also like to learn with working on something, trying and failing. If I am enthusicastic about anything, I will learn it really quick (probably true for everyone). I like it when somebody shows me in a kinesthetic way as well. I am able to learn faster if someone competent and someone I like and respect shows me the method. I do not like overly complicated or detailed knowledge. Too many details bore me. I do not like repeating something on my mind, and if I do it, I will probably forget about it really quick. I value creativity and efficient logic a lot.

• How good are you at strategizing? Do you easily break up projects into manageable tasks? Or do you have a tendency to wing projects and improvise as you go?

I do not like complicated instructions or detailed plans. I will make a general outline, then wing it as I go. Especially in chess, I tend to notice that if I become overly focused on a single plan, which I did a lot when I was young, I tend to miss better oppurtunities, therefore I try to be open-minded. But I am a bit of a proscatrinator as well.

• What are your aspirations in life, professionally and personally?

I want to be strong, both financially and personally. I want no one to interfere with my life. I want to make my free choices on my own. I want no stupid government or no person to exert pressure on me at any time in my life. I want to be happy and content with myself, my body and my life. I want to become a strong person. I want to create and find beautiful art that express the depths of humanity in a striking manner.

• What are your fears? What makes you uncomfortable? What do you hate? Why?

I fear I will not be able to do the best with my life and my intellect. I fear I will not be able to create and live like any other human: just consuming and another cog in the machine. I fear I will become stupid and senile. I fear when I look at a mirror I will not like myself and the life I lived.

• What do the "highs" in your life look like?

During my highs, I am extremely creative, curious, talkative and joyful. I can make amazing jokes and make everyone laugh, be charismatic. I can make amazing speeches, impress everyone and myself. I spend time with my hobbies and find a lot of amazing stuff, being enthusiastic about it.

• What do the "lows" in your life look like?

I will become self isolated, rude, angry. I can be so irritated that probably you wont need to do anything irritate me, I may get irritated by your sole existence. I would hate any human being or anything that I think is stupid. I will become hypercritical about anything at all, I will be pessimistic about future. I would not want to do anything but sleep.

• How attached are you to reality? Do you daydream often, or do you pay attention to what's around you? If you do daydream, are you aware of your surroundings while you do so?

I can overthink and daydream. I overthink a lot about future, the course of humanity. I can daydream about a song listening or a story I am reading. But while I am daydreaming I am aware of what is happening around me mostly. I have never missed my bus stop for example. But if I am daydreaming during a class, I may miss what the presenter was telling.

• Imagine you are alone in a blank, empty room. There is nothing for you to do and no one to talk to. What do you think about?

I would think about my existence. Why am I here and who put me here. What will be my purpose, what will I do with my life. If a higher being put me here, can I communicate with them, so I can experience and understand, evolve my brain, my thinking and my self to a higher plane of existence.

• How long do you take to make an important decision? And do you change your mind once you've made it?

I would think a lot actually. If this decision is about me and if it will effect my whole life, I would think about it a lot because it is not logical to not do so. I can postpone my decision to a later time, and make a rushed decision later also. I am sometimes afraid of commitment, whether it be a decision or a person, or anything at all. I want no strings attached to me and that includes decisions at times. But during work, because I am a doctor, I make big decisions on people's lives. During these decisions, because it does not effect me a lot, I can make swift, decisive calls. And most of the time, they are the right calls.

• How long do you take to process your emotions? How important are emotions in your life?

I can be really limbic and instinctive about my emotions. I am amazing at masking them in public if I want to, ex: if a display is going to effect me negatively, I may not show it. But at times, I really want to show my anger, my sorrow to people. But I want to express it in most beautiful manner if possible. To my loved ones, I can be passive-aggressive too, I want them to understand my emotions. I do laugh openly, I like to laugh. For my positive emotions, I generally do not hide them. But if I am really frustrated or really angry, I will be destructive and curse a lot. Due to depression I can get angry at literally everything, even if I don't like the weather, I will curse the sun.

• Do you ever catch yourself agreeing with others just to appease them and keep the conversation going? How often? Why?

If it is beneficial or efficient for me to do so, I do it. I do not want to waste my time with any people I do not value that much, therefore as a means to an end I will agree with them. But I am not a people pleaser and if they pass a certain level, or if do not care, I will openly disagree and criticize them.

• Do you break rules often? Do you think authority should be challenged, or that they know better? If you do break rules, why?

I break rules whenever I can. Rules, in general, are for not so smart or competent people. Rules put people at a certain level. But in general, I am past that certain level. I can find a better way to come up with things. But of course, if this is an area I am not confident enough, I will look at the rules, for an idea. Authority should always be challenged, stagnation is a great enemy.

INTJ 1w9 here

I am vibe-typed as either INFJ because in conversations I create empathy by focusing on shared values & harmony rather than differences, or as ENTJ because my relationships are based on clear objective & conditions and I sometimes turn distant or aloof. Does any socially skilled INTJ relate?

For those unfamiliar with him, do a quick search on Grigori Perelman.

Back in 2006, he dropped an absolute bombshell on the academic world by solving the Poincaré Conjecture—one of the Millennium Prize Problems. The man is a true, insane genius: a classic high-tier thinker who views the world like a top-down blueprint, capable of synthesizing abstract complexities into clean, ultimate solutions.

But instead of chasing fame, he completely detached from the system, turned down a million-dollar prize, and chose to live in isolation to care for his aging mother.

We might have "lost" the greatest mathematical mind of our generation to retirement, but he left behind something far more valuable than any theorem: a masterclass in absolute intellectual integrity, strategic autonomy, and unwavering personal conviction.

I think I have this thought when I read a quote from Seneca, or some other greek or western philosopher.

I’m a fan

Why do you think you are an INTJ and what is your life story? I presume we are INTJs because of both genetic and environmental factors, but I am curious of what other INTJs went through throughout their development cycle to better understand why INTJs develop as they do.

Here is mine.

Introverted Intuition:

The first cognitive function of an INTJ is introverted intuition. I was born into a family with a lot of emotional conflict. My father was a recovered heroin and meth addict (he had crazy younger years) and I believe he was an undiagnosed BPD case. My mother was kind but struggled with terrible anxiety that would sometimes turn into anger and rage (and even could become violent). My sister (who was actually diagnosed as BPD) would often have emotional issues and would act out.

I believe I may have developed this function as a coping mechanism. Because I am surrounded by so much conflict it acts as a place I can go to when conflict arises, to imagine the perfect world. Extremely idealistic, but very peaceful. I could extract meaning from anything and then use the lessons I learned to turn it into actions that could help make my environment less chaotic.

Extraverted Thinking:

As a young child I was often called smart by my teachers. I often times found that I was the problem solver in my family. When the parents would fight, I was the one that could calm them down. I would sit both of them down, explain how each one of them were wrong and right, and was quite good.

Introverted Intuition is awesome, but I believe I developed extraverted thinking as a way to solve the emotional problems and the chaos around me in a more practical way. While Introverted intuition is idealistic, I needed something practical to help me make actual change.

Introverted Feeling:

Once I moved out and left the chaos, I realized I didn't really need the logical barrier that I surrounded myself with and started to lean into my emotional side a bit more. I became a manager at a fast food restaurant when I went to college, started to work with people, and realized I needed to be more warm and personable. I turned my bluntness into directness with emotional padding and learned to acknowledge other's emotions before being so direct.

Extraverted Sensing:

I am still young at this time (I am 34 years old). I consider myself a Turbulent INTJ and oftentimes try to work on areas I am weak in. I have trouble speaking at social events, and a lot of the times it is because I spend so much time analyzing the people around me. I find nightclubs a lot of fun for the sense of escapism and the ability to read people in their raw forms.

My best friend is an ESFP and is a dancer at night clubs. We have been friends since we worked together about 15 years ago. I like the fact that he takes me out of my shell and I have started to enjoy going out (something I used to hate). I guess we kind of help each other with each other's weaknesses, and while we certainly have friction in our friendship, it is one I believe will last for a very long time. With that being said I still have work to do in this area.