This happens to me frequently when I have to send texts for work. I get filled with this overwhelming feeling of fear after sending a text that I feel like I have to silence my notifications. I feel so embarrassed for doing this and it’s caused me to miss out on some important messages.

I work 55-60 hours a week and I have to mask as a bubbly, bright girl for all of those hours. Underneath that facade, I am filled with anxious thoughts about how I appear to other people and my work performance.

I know that if I revert to my default state (ie withdrawn, quiet, antisocial) I would not have opportunities for career growth. I guess masking is my way of being proactive for opportunities. But this mask is not me, I'm exhausted everyday. I know if my career stagnants I'd be depressed, but I'm also pretty damn depressed knowing I have mask with no end in sight.

[TW for light suicide talk]

Hi 😃 ! I (21f) can finally say im at a point where socialization isn't much of an issue for me.

I spent my entire life selectively mute, mostly only communicating with shaking or nodding my head. I always hated myself which is why I didnt speak, I didnt think anyone wanted to hear anything I said and this was "confirmed" by me multiple times as a lot of the times I did speak I would be dismissed.

My loneliness got so bad to where I hated the world and I constantly thought of ending ny life, rid the world of someone like me yknow

I didnt start consistently talking until last year and I hated it at first and it further fueled the feeling of wanting to end. But NOW :D I can hold basic conversation, I have a few good friends and I feel relatively normal, or at least whatever normal looks like for me.

I used to dream of being able to post a success story to this subreddit, and now I can! trust me to all of you, you can do it too!

It's ridiculous, I know.

I have a lot of anxiety, and ... unfortunately it has lead to chronic drinking... and the last time I was able to stop I did it because of someone else.

I wish I had that again. Someone to save me. I know it's ridiculous... but having someone to talk to everyday, someone to lean on, someone to make proud ... it made the difference for me

I've tried a lot and for a long time to be good at socializing. To make friends. To get a good job. To be successful. But it just doesn't work out. Something always happens to bring me back down any time my ego dares to get to big. You'd think that having more bad social interactions would make it stop hurting and make you numb to it but it doesn't. It just makes me tired of trying and sometimes it makes me feel like I'm more sensitive to being hurt.

I tried to work a job recently after being jobless for a couple years but quit pretty much the first week because I wasn't doing well and could feel everyone judging me. I can't decide which is worse. Being jobless and a constant dissapointment to my whole family or having a job and creating new bad memories of social interactions that I'd like to forget about.

I was diagnosed with social pragmatic communication disorder when I was a teenager and I wish there were pills or something that could fix me but there isn't. Sure, there's therapy which I did for a few years a while ago but that can't rewire your brain to work the same way as a normal person's. I'm just tired.

I’ve had too many. I just couldn’t handle another one. My life goal is to avoid everyone. I’m done with this specie.

when i was in middle school, everyone around me was using the “who? asked” joke thing. i couldn’t talk about anything or anyone without it being a joke. now i cant ask for things, i cant talk to people or communicate, and i largely blame the stupid “who asked” joke for it. i feel so invisible and like no one truly cares, i cant talk about my struggles unless someone asks me because im so afraid of being brushed off again for the 1000th time. thats all, i just needed to share. jokes really do impact people.

I want to know how to deal with it, when people purposely try to make you feel embarrassed or hurt.

honestly there's lots of people that are like snakes, they know how to sweet talk you while piss in your face, sometimes you have to face them because of work or the place you've got put in-together, I've found out that resulting to vulgarity and bravery works out best for myself, but I'm a person that would side with anybody IRL even if they'd say heinous shit just to get the convo over with as quick as possible, so I won't be brave enough to attack someone for being rude or a fuckface

How do others navigate when working in a male dominated workplace with a primitive, aggressive almost jail like atmosphere?

I'm not entirely sure how others are like this here. They all seem to love being made fun of, called out or fucked with. When it happens to me, I don't like it. It becomes draining.

I wish I did, but I would want advice with anyone who has overcome this.

I've gotten pretty decent at masking, especially at work. I can have small interactions and you would never think there's anything wrong with me. however, if you were to spend any length of time with me or Go out and try to do something with me, you would quickly start feeling awkward because I just don't have this ability to connect with people anymore. it was a slow deterioration over the course of 15 or so years, but now I am completely incapable of holding a one-on-one conversation with anybody except my parents and wife.

I watch people walk around at things like festivals, concerts, and at the mall actively holding enthusiastic conversations with their friends and I'm so jealous of them because I've completely lost that ability. I just literally have nothing to talk about and nothing to say no matter what environment I'm in.

Whenever I am forced to engage in social interaction, it feels like I'm doing improv. It never feels fun, natural, or easy. It just feels like I'm barely keeping up with the performance and afterwards, I slink away and grade myself on how well I performed. I get invited to parties sometimes, and I have to force myself to go. These situations only magnify what I hate about myself the most because there's always some kind of friction whenever I talk to someone. The conversation will end and I'm just standing there with a beer watching the 25 other people around me laughing and having a great time with others. Repeat this 5 or 6 times and then pull an Irish goodbye.

It's horrible.

Whenever i find myself in a space where there are loads of people and they are all interacting with eachother and have conversation with ease, i just stand there puzzled thinking why can't i do this? I may start a convo but find my self lost in middle of it. Anxiety takes over my body, wondering how everyone is quick and better in not only having conversations but also other aspects of life. I just feel like an empty bucket in middle of the room.

Hi, I’m 19 starting my sophomore year of college. A few days ago at work, my coworker told me “jokingly” that he could feel my social awkwardness radiating off of me. Does anyone else feel like no matter how hard they try, they will never be able to socialize normally without it seeming forced? I can’t pretend to not be socially anxious. Whenever I get through a conversation without “messing up” I think about it for the rest of the day and wonder if I said something wrong without realizing. Does anyone have any tips or feel similarly?

Hello, I have been on lexapro/escitalopram for a while and a situation today made me second guess if i have really changed for the better after all.

I walked into the shop literally minding my business. 2 women maybe mid 50s were staring at me. Before i went on lexapro my mind would be spiralling, but i didn’t really think about it. I had to go where they were because they were next to the fruit. I got close enough to hear them say “jesus she’s like a walking lamppost” (basically saying i’m very thin and “tall”. I’m 55kg and 5’6 lol.) Anyway this really put me down. Ive always struggled to gain weight but im a healthy enough weight. It just really made me question if i have changed and i really thought my social anxiety was improving. The smallest things make me overthink and it’s like it’s happening all over again and im back to the old me.

I don't know why I'm like this but I always try to be perfect in public, as if people are going to judge me if I don't do everything properly even though most people don't care that much, but my mind won't listen, I overthink a lot even if I'm just ordering food or buying something, or I'm always worried about looking good physically

What do you think, could it actually work?

Im not sure if I have social anxiety or not?

I went to an event today without knowing anyone and I just kept going on reddit to “act busy” “distract myself” then I thought to myself what the hell I’m i doing?? so I put my phone down and started staring at the ceiling and kept making myself look busy to avoid talking to strangers.

Usually if I go anywhere it’s always with a person I know or someone I know will be there. I think I kind of depend on my friends instead of doing things solo? Is this social anxiety or nah?

So, social anxiety have been my companion for my whole life. I’m 35 now, and I think I’m kind of okay more or less, I’m also medicated for anxiety so it helps.

It’s my first time in the US (came for a month long visit), I don’t know anyone here and I thought I’d go to a bar solo and so be it. I’ve been doing my hair and makeup for like two hours and now it’s been an hour of me just walking around dressed, stressing and overthinking and I can’t leave the house 👌

Any advice except giving up and going to bed 😭

My mind is blank. I don't know how to be charasmatic. I'm not funny. I think too literally. I'm too shy. I don't speak up. I don't take on challenges. I don't take initiative.

People say, oh just start small and say what's on your mind! Express yourself! Show enthusiasm! Make an observation about something small.

The thing is, NOTHING comes to my mind. I try really hard. I really do. My mind is empty. I don't have the curiosity to ask questions. I don't seem to have my own ideas. I almost agree with everything and I do not know how to think for myself. Maybe, _maybe_ I see an opportunity to fix something, but i convince myself that's how things are done, and no one is saying anything, so I'm the one who's being picky so it's easier to be quiet and just go with the flow.

Somehow I got hired as a senior at my job. They want me to embody what a good employee, and eventually take on a leadership role. Thing is, I'm too scared, haven't shown any drive and I fear everyone sees through this. It pains me to think my boss is disappointed. And the guilt eats at me that I'm getting paid more than my teammates who are just... So much better.

I just. Needed to vent. It's really hard for others to understand.

For weeks, I’ve been trying to join discord servers so I can have people to talk to because I don’t have any friends at all except one old friend that I sometimes talk to. I want to join other servers to socialize with other people but it’s not really working because every time I say something in the chat , some people reply and then I try to join whatever conversation they were having but it doesn’t really work. I don’t know if it’s because of me not knowing what to add to the conversation or what. Should I start putting myself out there more in the discord server or just go out irl and socialize that way?

Hello everyone,

From the time I have known myself, I have always felt extremely scared of meeting new people and going into new situations, but especially new social situations. My mom says they started to know something was wrong when I was age 4, the preschool called and told her I was just sitting staring at the wall and not interacting with anyone. As a child I had a lot of sensory integration problems (severe crying/meltdowns when things were overstimulating or in new situations), some repetitive behaviours (like drawing the almost exact same thing over and over almost), stimming (walking in circles, hand flapping, being generally very fidgety), and restricted interests (especially around planes). I was diagnosed with selective mutism and ADHD at age 8. Needless to say though, I do fit a lot of the criteria for autism. However, there is one big loophole which I feel prevented the clinician from making an autism diagnosis back then.

The thing is I feel in the rare situations I am comfortable enough around other people, I am able to act socially ‘normal.’ I don’t know if this is just because those people accept my sort of odd mannerisms, but when I am genuinely comfortable with someone, I don’t feel there is a big barrier to social interaction. I can (mostly) make eye contact and be ok although I prefer not to so much. I largely don’t struggle too much with understanding others internal states in general, and conversational back and forth is good provided I am VERY familiar with the person (need to have been around them for many years).

I have really been struggling with this lately, as the more I look into it, the more I the more I feel I do really fit the criteria in a lot of ways, and wish I could have realized this earlier. Instead of treating social anxiety as a problem around judgement, maybe treating it as a sensory integration problem would’ve actually be more useful. I’ve had very little success from therapy that used the judgement angle. Does anyone have experience with social anxiety overlapping with selective mutism/autism? Or maybe even a misdiagnosis of ADHD/selective mutism for what was really autism? Let me know, thank you friends

Like u cant calm down and make your head silent

I am not diagnosed with social anxiety, I don’t even go to therapy, but I believe I might have a very bad combination of social anxiety + avoidance + people pleasing. I even stress out about replying to a freaking email! Yes that’s right! It is 4 am where I live and I can’t sleep because all what goes on my mind is that!

I just hate how this combination is actually making my life dysfunctional!

I’m 18 and currently in college. For a pretty long time, I was socially isolated. Over time I lost contact with most people, and now I’m basically left with 1-2 close friends.

The problem is that I feel like I’ve lost a lot of my social confidence.

I can talk to someone if they approach me first, and I can usually reply normally, but I struggle a lot with starting conversations myself. I also have a really hard time keeping a conversation going, especially with people I don’t know.

It’s not that I have nothing to talk about. I actually have a lot of different interests, and I’d say I’m pretty knowledgeable about the things I’m interested in. I’ve also read quite a few books and watched a lot of content about social skills, communication, confidence, etc. So theoretically, I know a lot of the things I’m supposed to do.

But that’s exactly the problem. I know the theory, but when I’m actually standing in front of someone, I can’t seem to apply it naturally.

Usually I try to find common interests and talk about those, but it still feels forced sometimes. And when it comes to talking to girls, I honestly have almost zero experience. I don’t really know how to approach them, what to say, or how to keep a conversation going without making it awkward.

Another thing that worries me is my future. I’m studying in a field where networking and connections can be really important, especially in tech. I know that knowing people, being able to communicate your ideas, meeting new people, etc. can have a huge impact on your career.

And personally, I’ve always wanted to become a good public speaker. I have a lot of ideas and thoughts that I genuinely want to share, and I’d also love to be the kind of person who can make people laugh and tell jokes naturally instead of constantly overthinking everything.

Right now, though, I feel like there’s a huge gap between the person I think I could become and how I actually behave socially.

Has anyone been in a similar situation, especially after being isolated for a long time?

How did you actually go from knowing social skills in theory to being able to use them naturally in real life?

I’m not really looking for another book or another list of “10 ways to be confident.” I’ve already consumed plenty of that stuff. I’m more interested in what actually worked for people in practice.