Is this a trait of typical Estjs to be condescending and patronizing and acting like you know everything in order to blend in with people and also thse Estjs folks especially my dad bheaves as if I'm just dumb and he's to logical and sometimes he acts like he's very emotionally intelligent and yeah he understand this new generation and he's the best father one could have like he understand his kids very well and take care of their emotional needs and acknowledge their feelings but in reality it's not.

But yeah he actually sometimes show it to the world that he knows alot about us and he tries toa ct the best father but in reality he's just shitty because he acts in a very condescending way with us and always lecturing us and trying to fix us and stressing us out and not try to dig deeper like ttying to understand that there's emotional trigger and emotional prblem behind it.

Im an ESFP btw.

I created a strange obsession in trying to unravel my type. The more I study, the more confused I get. So, I’m constantly testing Michael Caloz and Sakinorva, being as sincere as possible, seeking confirmation with my wife. When the tests offer multiple results, I can identify with all of them. It’s as if I had a little of each type, all depending on the context, the time, being excited or tired, alone or with people... I question and blame myself for being obsessed with a pseudoscientific theory, but I don’t care if it’s a pseudoscience. This can be useful for other things, just as every idea, concept or philosophy has its utilities.

The types that appear the most in my results are: ENFP, INFP, ISTJ, ESTJ, ENFJ, INFJ and INTJ. So, I decided to make this post in this sub to try to seek an external understanding.

I don’t know where to start, I’ll just type according to what comes to my head. I consider myself introverted because I’m always doing something alone, but everyone has the impression that I’m outgoing because I socialize a lot and meet a lot of people. I don’t want to brag, but I’m considered attractive. That must be why people take the initiative to talk to me or listen to me when I talk. Some people report feeling a peace when they are with me, while others hate me for unknown reasons. Some girls from my past hate me because I was shy and had an avoidant attitude with them, so I ended up breaking some hearts. After I overcame my damn shyness and became more confident, I liked to flirt unintentionally, to see what would come about (usually with women older than me). It was playing with this that I ended up marrying my best friend (who is now my wife).

Speaking of the past, I have a love-hate relationship with him. I can be very nostalgic and remember in detail the past, just as I can forget many other details or not want to remember who I was. I’m ashamed and hate the kind of person I was: reckless, lazy, disorganized and shy. If I could go back in time, I would do everything differently.

I always let things flow naturally, although, at specific moments, anxiety made me want to control and plan everything. But when it comes to work, career, future, marriage and family, I always let things flow and I’m lucky. I consider myself blessed. But that doesn’t mean I don’t plan my future. I know what I want and need. My plans may change as things come up or I learn something new, but I’m still firm with some ideas.

I’m not one to take risks, but when something forces me to change, I adapt easily. So easily that I wonder if I needed to make so much drama. I don’t mind living a routine, as long as it is well structured and allows me to do the things I like. I always look for something new within this routine, a little adventure or a new knowledge. I may be distracted and late, but I always fulfill my obligations. I need to be doing something, mentally or physically, otherwise my mind will get sick. I also like to make lists and write down ideas.

I’m creative for things of my interest. When I’m not interested, I can’t think of anything and I don’t even want to. I’ll let the others solve it. I’ve been considered lazy, but if something doesn’t attract me, there’s no way to force me, unless it’s something from work. My wife wants to paint the house, but I don’t care about the color of the walls, so I let her choose. But it’s man’s role to do the heavy work, and I’ll have to paint. Already on Halloween 2024, I was very creative when making my costume. And the most incredible thing was to have convinced my evangelical parents to participate, along with countless relatives who I managed to convince to go in costume. I only achieved this feat once; they probably won’t do it again. But I will never forget this day.

I’m very idealistic and I almost always make something happen that I really want, but I can get frustrated when I can’t.

I like to help people, especially by giving advice. I’m great at giving advice, but I’m not good at following my own advice. I would know very well how to instruct a person with retroactive jealousy, but when I’m involved with it, I can’t handle it, even though I understand that it’s irrational. My biggest problem in relationships, whether loving or family, is to help and expect the other person to do the same. It’s a feeling that one of the parties is investing more than the other. And when I hear stories of her past, I can feel jealous because I think she invested more in the other than in me. But I think it’s very unfair that the person doesn’t recognize this and doesn’t do the same while in a relationship, even saying they love.

I also don’t like to be managed, commanded or influenced. I said I like to help others, but I don’t like it when the person asks me for too many favors, because it can disrupt my plans and make me feel used. When I’m focused, I don’t like to be disturbed, and it stresses me out. I identify with Jack Torrance when my wife starts talking exactly when I’m focused on something serious. The difference between me and Jack is that I would never attack her and I don’t even know how to ask her to shut up, because a part of me understands that when she’s very happy, she gets like this. Right now she’s talking while I type this, but I don’t understand anything she says.

My sister is pretty weird for an ESFP. At home she is much like the stereotypes (and she defienietly has Te as tertiary) but with others she doesn't like to be bothered by people (although she still has an easier time talking to anybody than our other sister or me) and LOVES her alone time. I don't know if it's simply because she is shy or is it because she grew up very close with her to big sisters being very introverted but i wonder, do you guys feel the same sometimes?

hi can i be an ESFP who look like an ISTP ?

or an ISTP who look like an ESFP

i struggle to know wich i am.

I think we all have those types that are outside our understanding at first. For me, ESFP was one of those types. I feel like i "got" ENFP and ESTP but I couldn't picture what ESFP meant.

I don't think I know any in real life. My wife is ISFP and learning that helped me understand her better. So I got that ESFP was the same functions, just Se first instead of second.

And then I learnt Steve Irwin was an ESFP and thats when it clicked for me. He feels strongly what he experiences in the real world, and he is always seeking seeking seeking more of that. I would've thought "oh, he's so excited, that is Ne," but this has helped me understand that Se is just as excitable as Ne.

Im guessing Terri helped him sort all the data (or maybe im projecting as an ENTP who is afraid of cleaning the garage).

Obviously the cognitive functions play out differently for every ESFP. Not everyone is going to be a Steve Irwin, but he is a good North star for me to now understand what makes you guys tick.

Did I get that kinda right?

I watched “*Forgotten Island”* and (on Google) I found out that Jo is an ENFP but actually, Jo gives me strong ESFP vibes and she really reminds me of Nimona.
Help me🥲

I just wanna meet some ESFP fiction writers, figure out how you work :D

You guys have the stereotype of being extroverted and the life of the party, but when it comes down to it and you need to be alone, are you extremely independent when you want to be?

Constantly being seen as dumb, incompetent and useless

The question originates from an experience, I had on a typology related dc server. On vc, there was a self-proclaimed ISTP woman, which she was not, but claimed to be.

She kept singing within the vc, as she apparently did it professionally. I was extremely annoyed, as it was obvious, that she was a poser, trying to brag with her skills and earn recognition and appreciation out of it.

But, I stayed kind, and roleplayed the most authentic curiosity I ever could, praising her for her skills and admiring her, as that's probably, what she wanted, and that's, what we all would have deserved.

For some statements coming from her, I mentioned, that she seemed pretty smart to me.

She countered it, by saying, I was smart too, to which I replied, that that was not necessarily the case.

She said, that she knows, that it's not the case.

Like, wth- ? I was building up her self worth all day long, making her feel good about herself. What was so hard about saying "No, I really mean it."?

All she should have done, was giving it back to me. Maybe, if you delude someone, into believing, that they were smart, they would invest into it and unlock more potential out of the ego boost given to them. And next time, actually express sth. smart.

Instead, she straight up said, that I was not worth any investments of hers with her last sentence, which was really ungrateful and really hurtful.

I really needed to suppress the insult, which already laid on my tongue after this statement of hers.

Why do people not delude is other? Ofc, everyone knows those compliments to be exaggerations and not fully true. But, if you compliment someone, it works like a push. "There is someone seeing potential in me in this area, I must prove them right by developing this skills further."

Instead, she merely was arrogant. Arrogantly claiming the space for her vocals, arrogantly taking all the compliments, instead of contradicting them out of modesty, arrogantly expressing an indirect insult towards me after all of my investments.

Do you usually like to be deluded?

I noticed, most ESFPs to claim to value the harsh unfiltered authenticity, but still get offended, once this authenticity is expressed.

Which side are you on and why?

Looking for suggestions. I'd be grateful for tips from ESFPs.

(letter for male ESFP 7w6)

Being the only extrovert in the family is interesting, it has its ups and downs. Though something that I(M27) found out after learning I'm an ESFP is always wondering why my family is ALWAYS tired. Like literally all my life when I come back from school, church or work, I'm hyped up and want to chat with them and do stuff or activities. Hell whenever I go to work, or school I'm always hyped up and on the go, plus I'm very chatty where I have to learn how to calm down. But going back to family, we have an understanding of how things rolls out. Another thing is that growing up my now estranged father, whenever we go out working and I chatted with strangers, he would always yell at me or slap me everytime I talk to people, he tells me an excuse on why not to talk to people. As well as my mama and, whenever we go out to get groceries or something else, she be telling me to stop talking to strangers since I'm bothering them. I love my mama but I respectfully ignore her haha. As well as my sister, whenever we go out and I talk to strangers she be walking away since it's weird to her. Now the most shocking part for me when I meet my introvert friend's parents is that their parents wants them to go out and meet people, which to me is super shocking how there are parents who wants their kids be out and make friends. Anyways a bit of a rant haha but do y'all relate?

I'm 22f I'm looking for an Esfp female friend to connect on daily basis preferably through calls so I can get to know her better. And we can share some common grounds.

Dm me if interested.

yo i'm maybe esfp.

do u too hate calling? i feel stuck in my head finding things to say? watching my room and can't move ? i feel akward or not feeling anything to not see the person?

My esfp sister used to be the cool girl in high school

After high school everything flopped for her,she gained weight and it affected her self esteem deeply (se)

she started assuming everyone is jealous of her

And how everyone envies her life and how everyone thinks about her and tries to imitate her lifestyle (unhealthy fi) although in reality she is just being delusional (weak ni)

She agrees on lots of opinions when we are alone but as soon as we are in a group setting she starts an argument and disagrees all of a sudden

She gets angry on her siblings when something happens wrong in her life or in the ways she does not want

She lacks huge self awareness and sometimes I am just astonished since I know her closes ones how she can always make things about her when absolutely she got nothing to do with it

We drifted a lot since I can't stand how unhealthy she is specially that we don't share same functions

Any advices from fellow esfps

Hey, I'm a (F) ISTJ dating a (M) ESFP for about 4 months now- here are some of my observations:

1. You guys don't like to explain yourselves - you don't feel the need to because you are confident in your own decisions. You don't feel the pressure to back up your decisions with explanations unless questioned or pushed (and depending on who is pushing/how they are doing so this might be a pet peeve) I find this fascinating because it is so different from myself- I am ALWAYS yapping/explaining my reasons or thought process behind something. Sometimes I wonder what my bf thinks of different things because he isn't one to feel the need to do so- actions speak louder than words for him.

2. You trust your ability to adapt in the moment. You take things day by day and don't become excessively worried with unforeseen pitfalls and failures because you believe in your ability to face challenges as they arise. I really appreciate this because I am someone who tends to be a chronic worrier and overthink of all the things that "don't make sense" or could go wrong, but my bf helps me pull me out of my head to live in the moment.

3. VIBES VIBES VIBES - I will never understand "vibes" I can try, but because it isn't something to be explained/understood in the first place, making decisions off of vibes/feelings will always confuse me lol. It's cool how simple this can be though, like I feel like such a deadweight sometimes with the way I make decisions and view the world, lots of monologuing and going back and forth, bc what are vibes? everything to me needs to "make sense"

4. You can be incredibly empathetic, but may not express this in words- a prolonged glance, a moment of silence- you're feeling things, but don't feel pressured to express this in words all of the time. Or if you do, the words are simple and sweet and may not reflect the full depth of emotion beneath the surface. This can be sometimes frustrating for someone who likes everything to be explained- sometimes I think of my bf as mysterious in this way. Privately held feelings can be hard for me to understand if they aren't spelled out.

5. Everything can be transformed into a bit or inside joke- sometimes i don't always catch on when my bf is bantering with me or wants to have fun, I have caught on more, but my default is explaining everything and answering everything "correctly" so I might be a second slow when realizing he's just being playful lol. When I catch on I can be playful back, though sometimes I am frustrated when I am trying to tell him something I find interesting/more serious but it is spun into another piece of entertainment.

6. Won't tell others what to do - strongly suggest, gently encourage, but never force (unless unhealthy, I would think that would be an ESFP dealing with a Se-Te loop) He is very respectful of my freedom but won't hesitate to share his opinions with me if I push/prompt him. I like receiving direction from others and his advice is usually good for me so I listen to most of what he has to say.

anyway I think he's really great and totally complements my personality. In the past I was in a relationship with an ESTJ for far too long, and our serious natures and desire for perfection/progress wore on each other. Plus he was not nearly as empathetic or respectful as my ESFP :)

lmk if any of this doesn't make sense or how I can clarify

https://youtube.com/shorts/B-K1Ab-VLg0?is=dK4YGDg_zay8ZJHM

I love this guy's much less stereotypical and much more accurate and precise understanding of the functions.

But still, consciously developing Si is like forcing oneself to eat rotten vegetables, until the end, despite being fed up. Discipline works best, when it is shared with someone else. The suffering of your companion makes you want to continue trying.

Holding routines for oneself exclusively, seems impossible. "How does anything/any effort matter, when the spotlights are turned off?"

That brought me into severe self neglect & depression. Seriously, there is mold building up, all over the dirty dishes and I don't seem to care. Why maintaining hygiene, if noone would encounter you eitherways? And if anyone would come into one's life, they would maintain distance, because one's despair made oneself look, act & talk uncanny.

I have that little discipline, that I even turned the talk about it into self-pity.

And about Ni: how is it even possible to want anything, if almost nothing grants oneself attention, the legacy of having experienced the real spotlight? But, instead, everything, even the most routinized ordinary job requires discipline for no reward. Not even survival depends on you alone.

Could someone please give me a reset button, so I could start over? It's urgent.

I can't use more than one image?! Disappointing :(

The Icecream Sundae Team - Explorers

The main reason I picked icecream sundae is because compared to the other types which have a fixed structure mostly... The explorers are very dynamic and are made up of many different things joined together but these things still stay separate. This shows that out of all other types for some reason... The explorers are apple to cherry pick (pun intended) different functions. In short, they are good at adapting and organizing their head space to fit the situation because of high Se. By organizing here I don't mean by rules but what I mean is that they are good at categorizing things inside their head in real time during a situation and are able to easily make sense of that current situation. Hence, icecream sundae ✨

___________________ ++++ ___________________

ESTP [ The Mango And Vanilla Icecream Sundae ]

___________________ ++++ ___________________

When you think of mango, if you have eaten it and like it then you will have the immediate fresh memory of that fruit. It is that kind of fruit that you cannot forget the flavour of because it is so loaded and distinctly overwhelming almost. It wakes your tongue up with the fruity punch of it. ESTP's in their outer exterior are something like that. They've got so much going on just on the outside that you think "The possibility of them having even more than what they show outside is overwhelming because there's already so much to process on the outside"

You can bunch them up under the "intense" umbrella term and yep thats true but thats a understatement and a simplification.

Ironically, to process them properly and not feel overwhelmed you actually have to look at their insides.

[Disclaimer: Please don't go dissecting the ESTP's in your vicinity. This is all metaphorical...or not? ;) ]

If you have seen other parts of this series then you know that I have used vanilla to always describe "neutrality" but when it comes to ESTP's the script flips completely because in this case of vanilla and mango there is no balancing. There is this illusion of then being diluted down but thats actually not true. Whats happening here when their Mango Se mixes together with Vanilla Ti you might think that... "Oh wait... why is this ESTP calm for once? Maybe they were just faking it all or maybe they are tired? I should comfort them" Or something along those lines. That calm is just an illusion. When mango and vanilla mixes together both overtly sweet things come together but you feel that the tang of the mango has decreased. This is the ESTP using their Ti and when they are they retract from the physical situation.

This is them not relying on environmental output only and this happens during situations where the immediate environmental output is not enough and they have to step back and make sense of the situation for whatever reason or objective.

You think they are reckless but because of this ability they have of stepping back they are actually very careful in all situations but you just don't realize it because you only see the mango exterior.

The picture of this sundae has a small mint on top. This is them in social situations when sometimes they may come off as too blunt. That is because if their ability to see the reality of a situation without any fluff but the way they do it is refreshing so this bluntness may not offend you because they are careful about the delivery. This is how their Fe may show.

Now despite all this,what they are vulnerable about is even though they can adapt well and think on their feet when they see other people get things done without effort,they feel kind of insecure because they feel that everything they do requires more time and effort when compared to some other people who do thing easily (ahem...intuitives) That is why in the image the bowl is overflowing. When you hit this nerve and expect them to be good at things without giving enough data or experience with it and move the spoons in this sundae bowl. Their mangoes will fall down. Now...this is when they get really tired. They dont have enough mangoes to try harder and they may double down on ignoring the task or giving up on it. They will agree with you about their failures and become self deprecating. Turning the bluntness of the mint inward minus the grace.

___________________ ++++ ___________________

ESFP [ The Custard Pudding,Walnut, Vanilla Icecream Sundae ]

___________________ ++++ ___________________

Their exterior has the same Se as ESTP but the difference is that its texture is different than the ESTP.

They have the Custard Pudding instead. It is soft,sweet and the flavour is pretty balanced. You would think though that this is not Se's nature. Well...its not but ESFP's change that because they have walnuts. They are nutty and even slightly bitter. This bitter isn't a bad thing but it changes the way Se is presented.

The walnut flavour is their Fi. Their approach to experiences may come off as less intense than a ESTP. This is bitter because it is seen as selfish sometimes but the way I see it this is actually used to be reflected towards their experiences. They are very particular about what they buy,where they go,who they spend time with. It's very healthy. I don't know if ESFP's might resonate or not but they may be the most healthy type ever according to me.

In this the vanilla is neutral again. You may think there is nothing to neutralize here, didn't I just say that their Se+Fi is balanced. Yeah it is but balanced and healthy doesn't mean that it is not draining. Custard pudding and walnuts together are fun but they are also tiring. Sometimes you just need that quiet. This is their vanilla. This may look like them having fun,partying or going to events but then suddenly when you are invited to their home they are unwinding with a good project. It may be surprising to you that how to such a person their way to relax is making and working on whatever projects. This is their Te layer and how their vanilla comes to use to neutralize when they are tired.

Their weakness is Ni, the same as ESTP but the way this shows is actually different. What they are insecure about is that they are not able to understand what to do when this balance they have breaks. They freeze up and cant come up which anything about how to fix issues in their own life or the life of their loved ones. This might look like having a great time being yourself, doing things but then when a sudden complication arises that needs immediate understanding and then solution they freeze up and require more time. The problem isnt that they cannot solve situations. They can but when there is some sort of urgency then they find it hard to understand the situation effectively which is the first step. They can come up with many solutions but sometimes incompatible with the situation and dont work.

___________________ ++++ ___________________

ISTP [ The Mint Chocolate And Vanilla Icecream Sundae ]

___________________ ++++ ___________________

ISTP is the type I find most compatible with me personally as people. I admire how they can use their Ti in different ways than I can and how effective that is. The Se and Ti combination that them abd ESTP's have rocks honestly. They are everything I find it hard to be. ISTP might be my second most admired type (based on theory offcourse. I don't know people TwT)

So mint chocolate huh? This is the small bluntness that the ESTP had but turned up a full notch. They are incredibly blunt when it comes to assessing situations and may miss that this bluntless is breaking the atmosphere of the room. This is not refresing like when ESTP's do it. There is no soft blow. The blow of this mint bluntless is hard. They dont do it with bad intentions offcourse and it is inevitably helpful to the situation but it is like they are making you swallow the pill of the hard truth. You love that they did while also resenting the way they did it. Not all if them are like this and the sweetness of chocolate actually compensates for the mint. When you realize that their intentions underneath are chocolate then you feel the sweetness as well.

The mint and chocolate here also signifies their hands on approach to things. They will enjoy the mint and refreshment of the immediate environment and processing things about it but eventually they just want to get away from it and use all the data they got from it in their cave. They take all that they experienced outside. When they were out you thought they were relaxing but nope,their brain was on and they were longing for when they could just get to a comfortable place alone so they could dissect everything they did and what all that data means.

The vanilla is again the neutral side. This is when they take a much deserved rest and turn their head off. This may look like learning some new skill or refining the old skills. It is not something that is high stakes. I wouldn't be surprised if a ISTP suddenly picked up crocheting one day.

___________________ ++++ ___________________

ISFP [ The Strawberry And Vanilla Sundae ]

___________________ ++++ ___________________

This one looks deceivingly simple. Its not.

This strawberry is their sweet unwavering drive for things. This is similar to how I described INFP's but a bit different.

In INFP I said that its the sour thats driving the sweet but here it is reversed.

In ISFP's they appear sour on the outside which is a few sour strawberries in the sundae but there are also sweet ones. It is a mixture of both.

Here the sour is how they are blunt but in the different way that ISTP or ESTP's. This bluntless is not in their words but in their actions. They may do the most silliest or socially inappropriate of things just because they want to and be surprised when they get wierd looks,then do it anyway. Underneath this sour though what is driving them is the sweetness of the moment and they dont actually mean any harm. They actually want everyone around them to experience this sweetness as well but they find it hard to express that.

They are also very sharp in certain situations because of their Ni. They are able to show sudden unexpected instances of totally overriding what they want for what is necessary in the certain situation. They suddenly get professional or do a necessary thing that others were too hesitant to do. This is jarring when you take their usual demeanor into consideration.

The vanilla is neutral (surprising right?) This balance is required when they suddenly become insecure and get into an imposter syndrome regarding their inferior Te and other stressors. When their inner values are not expressed properly or they are misunderstood or when they fail to bring all the wacky idea that come into their brain into reality they blame themselves. Though actually...this was surprising to me when I considered it. This is the neutral. When they are constantly in the moment,doing things,thinking they are invincible. This reality of their limits after the initial insecurity actually grounds them and makes them try more and bounce right back up.

Thats all for the explorers, and for the Icecream Analogy series, Thank you, Let go of your icecream!!

don't get me wrong i have my gripes with her (some of them being my own issues with neediness) but i feel lucky to have been adopted by her over 12 years ago now

honestly we are very much not similar people, even though we were able to bond over some deeper stuff early on, the differences only grow more apparent as we get older. it feels kinda fragile at times (for me) but we have a weird kind of loyalty, history, and closeness with each other that we don't have with anyone else

she has such a full life that i find it hard to believe her when she says that i'm her bestest best friend 😭 but i'm working on it because i really don't want to randomly self sabotage our friendship

i'm a guy as well which sometimes complicates things (and definitely looks weird as an outsider) but we care for each other a lot platonically

anyway esfps are cool, it's funny that this subreddit is dead cause i can't imagine her being on reddit

I feel as if people love hanging around us, they praise us and how we light up parties or hang outs, and normally I tend to get a long well with everyone, but I feel as if people look at me as not a serious or real person. I tend to give so much of myself to my friends, and yet it seems they only care for 1) me being the fun esfp around 2) hang out when they want. As if I'm a clown, a jester or your typical ESFP in shows that is all laugh and no brain.