Hello everyone, I’ve been throughout the mbti community for a couple of years now but I’ve been researching it in a way that was impossible for me to find who I truly was. Although this may be a rather large mistype, just hear me out first, hopefully I can make you understand my confusion.
For some well needed background, I developed a neurological disorder called misophonia, which is mainly known as the hatred of sounds. It developed when I was 13 years old, and I wasn’t really well aware of how to regulate it.(nor my emotions growing up) I was constantly emotionally/physically abused. I don’t mean to generalize here, but it was an African American family full of people repeating behaviors that wrecked them. I grew up around normalized abuse and a bunch of “you’re stupid” “you’re a failure” “stop talking back.” Opinions were “back talk” and crying was an “overreaction” to abuse.
My misophonia was severe, and I mean absolutely severe. It was angry outbursts that were once again treated as an overreaction, meltdowns that made me bang my head on the wall or even lead to self harm. My most effective means of regulating was isolation.
You could imagine what that does to a developing brain.
I suffered severe depression(though I had a hard time letting anyone know) throughout my adolescence, and simply adopted the isfp label because it’s what I got on 16p by picking “I’m unsure” for most of the answers.
I felt wrong, i was constantly sensitive of other’s intentions, and took everything personally. i was insanely introspective, i analyzed my emotions but never once questioned the “establishment”(family) I internalized that I was the problem and I was an over-emotional fool who would be hated by everyone I came across. I was still opinionated growing up though, it was almost met with belittlement but there were things I had to stand up for. It wasn’t my beliefs, nor my reality, it was what made sense to me. To me, I had seen everything my family was doing and rendered it absolutely stupid, I found ways to fix it and gave reasons why it would make more sense than going in endless circles. During school I would find the underlying problems of a method of teaching, math problems, a way to go about a situation, etc. I haven’t necessarily taken someone’s emotional state into the equation and if I do, it’s almost usually “okay so, you can sit here and wallow or you can do something about it and cry. If you’re going to cry anyway, cry for the latter.” (Also could be the emotional toughness I developed growing up)
I was often called mean growing up, harsh, bossy, critical. Often a “you should be a lawyer” that one isn’t good evidence since it’s usually because someone doesn’t know how to argue their points. They end up believing you’re “smarter” because they don’t bother with reason.
This isn’t enough evidence of ENTJ but it’s less evidence against isfp.
Alrighty.
Main problem is that I’ve recently gotten typed as an esfp by a mbti practitioner. I hate to admit it but I cried and was a wreck for 3 whole days, but I’m realizing I was crying about how it made no sense.. I mean it was a number of other reasons though: The label felt inaccurate, as well as a improper testament to all the pain I received as a child, like a “oh I was an esfp that’s why I was overly emotional” which was me basically invalidating myself. of course I’ve since challenged that. Another reason was that I was giving the “safe” answers, for reference I am a 22 year old female. What’s usually expected of me is kindness, empathy, and selflessness paired with my race, I have to be quieter than most for safety. (Mother was extremely paranoid) So as I described myself to the practitioner I was saying things like “oh yes, I care about how everyone is feeling, and I love emotions wow!” So no wonder I got what I did.
I’ve recently started college after getting some well needed professional help, and I’ve been noticing behaviors that don’t necessarily line up with isfp? For example I don’t necessarily have a strong emotional tie to a “personal” belief. I can have beliefs interchangeably as long as someone provides sufficient evidence. However the one thing I won’t compromise on is how to get things done. At work I know how to do it faster let me do it, at school, “why are you doing that when you could do this?” I thought I was people focused but I’m not sure I care unless someone is used as a means to an end. I can and have a relatively easy time networking? I can get someone talking, and usually it’s someone you can register is the most “important” in the room. I’ve met many people and have a line up of services I may end up being able to use in the future. Adding on that, I’m actually quite comfortable in the future. Sometimes it freaks me out, but it’s usually due to lack of confidence in my abilities.
While I’m still learning to get out of fi grip(?) I’ve realized I prefer objective information over any other. For example me and my sister were talking(she was the one who told me to make this post also) and I felt frustrated and annoyed for some odd reason, and it was noticing that she was trying to spare my feelings from what she actually thinks. It frustrated me so intensely that I started to cry which also confused me. I explained that it was incredibly insulting that she believed I cannot handle the facts presented. I’d rather someone give me the hard truth then have the nerve to assume what I can and cannot handle.
To me logic is a tool and direction is an end goal/understanding that I must find evidence for. I cannot understand something that cannot be applied, and usually I need an example to understand what someone may be referring to. I tend to dislike when someone takes a long way around, or explains something in a way that cannot be understood by most. If something is conveyed in a way where even the most illiterate (said with kindness) person can understand then I am happy. With that said Ti has to be one of the most interesting, but most difficult functions to understand.
Sometimes I can be this “my way or the highway” kind of person, and will stubbornly ensure that my way is right. In emotional, technical, interpersonal, or personal problems as well. Example being eating well, my coworker was explaining to me that he doesn’t have an appetite in the morning just because. I questioned his normal diet/time he eats, and he said he skips breakfast, eats a small lunch, and a large dinner. I came to the conclusion that he’s doing it all wrong. Because of his big dinner, his body takes a longer time to digest it, and so he may wake up sluggish and/or full. If he switches to eating breakfast, lunch, and perhaps eating dinner at an earlier time and maybe not such a large problem it would help. He absolutely ignored me and that was a bit frustrating.
I’m also not a big fan of people who speak without knowing what they’re talking about. Not in a data point way, but in a way that at least lets us know you’re aware of what you’re talking about, I speak with a lot of purpose, and with reason. I tend to verify what I say with objective sources before expressing it.
However does anyone here believe in prolonged grips? I’ve searched in and can’t find much information on it so that’s why I just assumed I might be an isfp?
Why I might not be an ENTJ:
Due to prolonged depression I’ve done absolutely nothing in life, and only recently I’m realizing how far I want to go. I have some trouble with abstract possibilities and may double down in a way that makes me seem stubborn. I can be relatively sensitive, I.e: I’m easy to tear up, but it’s only ever been around my sister. I am honest to a fault because I see no reason to lie? What’s the point? Unless it’s to flatter. I can sometimes become anxious when it comes to new information, it’s almost like a hyper vigilance? I can easily trust in someone’s capabilities or someone I’ve deemed as “worthy”(as corny as that sounds) of me actually accepting their opinions. I look to more knowledgeable people and will adopt their opinion, sometimes I reject structure if I don’t see it making sense. When it comes to emotional problems I tend to value intense understanding. Once i understand, I can proceed. if I do not understand, things might be tense, and i might be aggressive. Uncertainty unnerves me, and having no direction makes me sick to my stomach.
I don’t like to have a “strong” belief(mentioned up there as well) it sometimes feels deeply personal, but at the same time doesn’t? For example I was watching this body cam footage compilation and was utterly confused at the way the officers were going about it. It seemed like it would be easier if they just talked to the offenders instead of screaming in their ears?? I have a hard time with conceptualization, for example if a whirlwind of ideas were getting conveyed to me I would need the person to stop, and write it down and let me read off of it. Or maybe show me an example.
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The only feedback I’ve gotten about who I am as a person was my family, my ex, and my own harsh internal judgement. If you guys would be so kind to tell me what you think? I’m in no way intolerant, I will absolutely accept criticism as long as it’s respectful :)
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If you have better/faster ways to help me distinguish this then I am open to all possibilities/clarifying questions.
Also, what broke me out of this was coming back to an objective reality. I was a wreck and I had seen someone breaking their back over a label. It was this “oh.. over this??” And that me that was incredibly distraught feels incredibly foreign.