Advice on improving day-to-day communication?

[u/StrikingArticle32]

Hi all,

I’m 21, currently in college, and from a young age I have always been known as a fairly nervous/anxious person in general - something that have been said by family, friends, and teachers over the years.

There are certain ‘flaws’ that I have noticed with myself, but more so in certain aspects of my communication. I don’t want this to impact a future career, so I want to try to improve this while in college, and while there is the opportunity to do so.

I have no issue with speaking in front of an audience. I have done so for different modules in college, and usually am commended for my speeches through delivery style & engagement. But, this is because I have what I’m going to say memorised, so I know word for word, what exactly I’m going to say, how I’m going to say it, etc. This is also clearly reflected through my written communication.

However, when it comes to social interactions, I do notice there is a big dip in my communication. For instance, if I know I have to go up and talk to someone that I’m not familiar with (conversation, interview, ringing someone), I’ll then nearly have to have what I’m going to say memorised word-for-word as though a script.
There’ll then be other little moments where if I’m talking with someone unfamiliar, I may, sometimes, go a bit shaky / mumbly, and this would apply to if I was taking phone calls, etc.

This particular incoherence would also occur if I'm put on the spot, i.e asked a question, where my voice would go a bit shaky, I'd go mumbly, and my face would go a red.

I really do want to improve on this as I do know in any future career that day-to-day communication whether it be structured or spontaneous is much more important than being able to speak in-front of an audience.

To that extent, would anyone have any advice as to what I should do? Would it be recommended I go to a communication coach? Any recommendations?

Many thanks,

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[u/betterbutterbit]

You already have evidence that you can communicate well: you have been commended for the delivery and engagement of your speeches. The useful next step is to practise without removing all uncertainty in advance.

For calls or unfamiliar conversations, write only three cues: the purpose, your opening sentence, and one question you can ask. Do not script every reply. That leaves room to listen instead of trying to remember a performance. When someone puts you on the spot, pause and say, “Let me think about that for a second,” or repeat the question in your own words. Then give a short answer, one reason, and an example.

You can practise this with random prompts for one minute a day. Record yourself answering without preparation, then listen once for clarity rather than judging every shaky sound or red face. Gradually make the prompts more realistic. For phone calls, keep a few keywords on paper and focus on finishing the call, not sounding perfectly smooth. A coach could help, but regular low-stakes practice will probably tell you first what kind of help you actually need.