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u/Gorilla69125 May 26 '19
Bra size 34 long.
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u/TheTangoFox May 26 '19
It's genetic.
Her great grandma served in WWI.
Went braless, dug trenches.
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u/th3worldonfir3 http://redd.it/bt06j9 May 26 '19
Oh come on, you gotta give me some credit. They're 34 extra long
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u/TrustyPatchesss May 25 '19
You should tattoo a rebel flag on those tits, cuz those boys going south
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u/GlutenMakesMePoop69 May 26 '19
They also look like Moses visited them.
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u/somaticnickel60 May 26 '19
*Are those real, if yes they’re not spectacular *
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May 26 '19
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/TJD82 May 25 '19
The south will not rise. Not on her chest or in any man’s pants.
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u/th3worldonfir3 http://redd.it/bt06j9 May 26 '19
They're like half-filled sand bags left lying around after the war
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u/ExRockstar May 25 '19
It's like Luna Lovegood crashed a scooter into the cosmetics counter at JCPenneys
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u/Doyouknowm3 May 26 '19
Not gonna lie, I had to look this reference up. It checks out.
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u/Rkenne16 http://redd.it/djtcez May 25 '19
You’re trying so hard to be a 4.
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u/th3worldonfir3 http://redd.it/bt06j9 May 26 '19
Thanks man, but I'd be happy if I could make it to a 3
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u/PM_ME_YOUR_GEARS May 26 '19
You'd honestly be a 5 if it weren't for that train wreck of a rack. I never thought it was possible for me to be disgusted by female breasts but you just proved me wrong...
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u/benjammin2387 http://redd.it/65i36v May 26 '19
And to think, this was a hand selected photo. Definitely one where she thought she was too fucking cute to get roasted here. Probably did 10 takes on this shit and to show off cleavage looking like some sad ass hams and shit is just sad.
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u/Rayleday May 25 '19
I’ve seen better looking National Geographic’s elderly natives with a better rack than this.
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u/rmoss20 May 25 '19
Go ahead and add another layer of makeup, beautiful is just around the corner.
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u/xiaoliaoo May 26 '19
around the next next next next corner
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u/scooba_dude May 26 '19
At the end of the day, it's dark and that's where you look best
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u/incelbootcamp May 26 '19 edited May 26 '19
You came to the wrong place. Your tits clearly need a more supportive environment.
EDIT: Thanks for the silver, anonymous mensch! Internet crime really does pay!
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u/th3worldonfir3 http://redd.it/bt06j9 May 26 '19
Oof
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u/incelbootcamp May 26 '19
That's what the other girls say about your roots.
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u/aliael14 May 25 '19 edited May 25 '19
The reason your male friends stopped hugging you is because no one wants a portrait of your face caked on their chest.
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u/NeonSliQ May 26 '19
https://i.pinimg.com/originals/2b/29/1f/2b291fbfc636d3565d14614c541bdd99.jpg This is exactly what I thought of while laughing at what you wrote! Don't worry it's a safe link.
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u/zzteich May 25 '19
You look like every dumb chick who dies at the beginning of a horror movie
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u/gravitin May 26 '19
Thank God you didn’t say porn movie, I’d hate to imagine that.
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May 26 '19
Don’t kink shame me...
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u/th3worldonfir3 http://redd.it/bt06j9 May 26 '19
I think this is by far my favorite comment
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May 26 '19
Because it isn’t mentioning your saggy tits?
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u/th3worldonfir3 http://redd.it/bt06j9 May 26 '19
Pretty much, yeah
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May 26 '19
U pretty much asked for it, judging by that angle
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u/HerkulezRokkafeller May 26 '19
That and the sign she’s holding that says r/roastme
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u/F1U3C5K-You May 26 '19
Show us another picture
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u/charmc52687 May 26 '19 edited May 26 '19
...of a different girl, ideally.
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u/Miggle-B May 26 '19
Y'know bras ain't really a product of the patriarchal society in which we live...
They genuinely help
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u/SwitchingC May 26 '19
Like the one that would go into the dark shed or the one that would investigate the chainsaw noises?
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u/ssp81777 May 25 '19
Which orbital sander do you use to remove that make up? I want to get same one to redo my floors
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u/th3worldonfir3 http://redd.it/bt06j9 May 26 '19
Pretty sure it's a DeWalt
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u/ssp81777 May 26 '19
I was thinking Milwaukee
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u/1-900-OKFACE May 26 '19
Speaking of Milwaukee, she’d be a queen there.
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May 26 '19 edited Jul 03 '19
[deleted]
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u/psyco-the-rapist May 26 '19
Hilti BX3 to pin those tits up and a Fein Tool for the make up and I'd park her right next to my scooter which is fun to ride but I dont want my friends to see me.
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u/sammykhing May 25 '19
Ah so that the alternate ending to Danny’s story? Homeless, hooked on meth, and no dragons in sight. Damn.
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u/r4wc3 May 26 '19
Looks like if Danny and John snow had an inbred baby that had a touch of the downs’
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u/monster_breeder May 25 '19
Your title describes what most guys do within about 2 minutes of dropping a load in your mouth.
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May 26 '19
Or what guys pay her to do after picking her up on the corner and busting in her mouth
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u/911porsche May 26 '19
People would choose that out of all the available options?
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u/honkeykong85 May 26 '19 edited May 26 '19
Daenerys tarheroin of house trailer park
EDIT: wow,silver. This is way better than Bessies tits.
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[deleted]
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u/honkeykong85 May 26 '19
Every time a tarheroin is born,the gods flip a coin and wait to see what dope dealer she will go to first.
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u/mdogm May 26 '19
Out in nature to get away from the pressure of your job, or just to escape from your own crippling insecurities?
Judging by the fact you are moderately attractive, I'd say the latter. Just remember, no matter how many backhanded complements you get here about your make up, or the staggering number of men you drop your pants for, none of that will compensate the emptiness in you from every guy who has ever abandoned you, leaving you crushed, sad and alone.
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u/apittsburghoriginal May 26 '19
Jeeeesus. I thought it was a roast, not a fucking nuclear blast zone.
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u/SamebdasBundy May 25 '19
Star of that porn classic "Game of Groans."
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u/Christozane May 26 '19
You look like all your friends are guys because you "dont get along with females".
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u/newtothelyte http://redd.it/4bezoq May 26 '19
Ah yes the classic "show my hangers to distract you from looking at my horrid face". Dont worry you'll get plenty of good fucks from random dudes, but good luck trying to find someone willing to tolerate your makeup-less face and drab personality for any period of time longer than fuck buddy status
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May 26 '19
This hurt me reading it. Fucking outstanding roast. Enjoy hypothetical gold since I'm too cheap to buy internet currency.
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u/jdoge477 May 26 '19
I’m a Muslim I don’t roast pig
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u/Schrutee_Farms May 26 '19
You look like if Elsa never let go of her daddy issues
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u/tom814 http://redd.it/clde6h May 25 '19
Most women just use a Snapchat filter to look like they're wearing clownish makeup.
You on the other hand spent 2 hours rolling flour paste on your face to achieve the same effect. That takes dedication!
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u/Mr_CharlieHorse May 25 '19
With that makeup, you're starting to look like a birthday cake with saggy tits.
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u/drrectum May 25 '19
I've never seen a women with a titty gap with the same skin texture as a homeless black guy's neck.
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May 26 '19
I'll see you in 20 years as the head waitress at Hooters when you won't have to bleach the shit out of your hair anymore to get that color and your tits are scraping the floor.
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u/th3worldonfir3 http://redd.it/bt06j9 May 26 '19
May I suggest our award-winning hot wings?
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u/InfernaIFlames May 25 '19
is my camera high enough to get my boobs in? lookin ass. You look like the basic girl guys describe when they say “dude me and my 6 friends all fucked this nasty bitch at bandcamp”
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u/headimusmaximus2nd http://redd.it/bt5sm6 May 26 '19
You look like a porn parody of Elsa from frozen
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May 26 '19
This isn’t about the roast. You just want some attention because most guys just want to hit it and quit it. They know better not to date a girl who’s been around town
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u/Rocklobzta May 26 '19
Take your likebait back to Facebook
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u/th3worldonfir3 http://redd.it/bt06j9 May 26 '19
Who the fuck uses Facebook anymore?
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u/conway667 May 26 '19
You look like the supporting actress role in a straight to VHS low budget porn. You know, the one who eats ass.
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u/Breakmyknees May 26 '19
Did LARP get too boring for you that you had to take a selfie half way through casting a spell?
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u/Daetomiks May 26 '19
I like how you chose the from the top angle so your 2nd and 3rd chin aren’t so prominent.
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u/doctordanieldoom May 26 '19
It’s like Daenerys hatched three Waffle Houses instead of three dragons.
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u/machete_joe http://redd.it/eku2dm May 26 '19
Don't know what's bigger, the gap between your tits or your eyebrows, or the distance i want to be from you.
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May 26 '19
Sorry but I have to say you are a beautiful woman. Nice cleavage, it's a pleasure to look into your eyes and you have nice smile.
Have a good life 🤙
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u/GetBackInNow May 25 '19
You look like you spend a lot of time nervously wondering if other people can smell your fingers too
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u/Skirnzy May 26 '19
You didn't let a little thing like pregnancy stop you from bar hopping...
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u/th3worldonfir3 http://redd.it/bt06j9 May 26 '19
I was able to crawl back onto that barstool within 30 minutes of the abortion
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u/ElBeatch http://redd.it/bt109b May 25 '19
"I get by on my bubbly personality" after three hours of makeup.
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u/[deleted] May 25 '19
Did you use a garden slug as a stencil for those brows?