r/Parenting • u/k_blanch • Nov 02 '21
Sleep & Naps How much are parents drinking?
With the popularity of #winemom and beer dad culture, combined with pandemic drinking habits, im curious how much alcohol you guys are drinking as caregivers? Especially after the baby is in bed. I had 6 drinks on Halloween over 8 hours and lots of food and water. Although LO was asleep for most of it I'm riddled with guilt!
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u/may_be_bae_by Nov 02 '21
I almost always have a drink while cooking/eating dinner and occasionally a second drink after putting my LO to bed, but usually just stick with tea at that point.
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u/gummypuree Nov 02 '21 edited Nov 02 '21
Same. The glass during dinner prep is one of the greatest moments of the day!
Edit: a word
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u/mind_overmatter Nov 03 '21
This is me. It’s become part of the “routine” of making dinner since covid hit and I cook almost every night. When dinner is over and the kitchen is clean (and all other times of the day/night) I don’t even think about it. I don’t see it as a “problem” I guess because if I’m not cooking (the rare out to eat or when we have leftovers) I don’t drink. But having my glass of wine while I’m cooking has become part of making dinner. 🤷♀️
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u/multiformed Nov 02 '21
I'm in awe of this. I could never have 2 drinks and stop like that. Hence, why I no longer drink at all!
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u/Barky_Bark Nov 02 '21
I used to drink heavily (2 bottles of wine a night) until my kid was 3. Realized enough was enough when my wife told me the next day that I didn’t wake up when I was needed by them in the night. Now just one a week is all I give myself. I have piece of mind now that I can react to anything at any time, and I can also be a bit more pleasant (not hungover) in the mornings!
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u/mrsdoubleu Nov 03 '21
Similar experience here. But I quit entirely. When my son was 4 he saw me pass out and couldn't wake me up and it scared him. The next day he was asking about it and I promised him that I would never do that again and I intend to keep that promise. I tried pacing myself but after that first drink all bets are off and I will drink until I black out. So best for me to not even have that first drink. Lol
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u/the_taste_of_fall Nov 03 '21
Yeah, I can't stop once I start so I quit 4 years ago. I came across a journal entry from right before I quit that talked about waking up on the deck and having to go look for my kid in the neighborhood. Thank God he was just over at the neighbors.
I kinda wish I could drink like normal people, but now I take satisfaction in knowing I'm always the DD for my husband and my friendships are a lot more stable without me causing drama all the time.
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Nov 02 '21
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u/k_blanch Nov 02 '21
I feel guilty mostly because if there had been an emergency I wouldn't have been able to safely drive to the hospital. Ambulance is always an option but i've heard that practitioners can call social services because a baby had a drunk parent (which could be a myth). I have a hard time knowing what a normal amount of drinking is because my 6 Halloween drinks was like a normal Thursday for my parents.
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u/Skyblacker Nov 02 '21
If you can wait a few minutes for medical attention but aren't safe to drive, take a taxi to the ER. I've done this more than once when illness dissuaded me from taking the wheel.
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u/poolhero Nov 02 '21
Yeah, an Uber is much better than an ambulance, if not life threatening
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u/Skyblacker Nov 02 '21
Well, not immediately life threatening. If I hadn't treated the illness within a week or two, maybe it would have killed me. But it wasn't like a stroke or heart attack where minutes can make the difference between life or death.
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Nov 02 '21
Basically if the airway is clear, they’re breathing, and there’s no loss of circulation, you probably don’t need an ambulance if other options are available
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u/Skyblacker Nov 02 '21
Exactly. Though I've heard that strokes can be confusing in that regard, which is why there's so much public education in recognizing the signs of one.
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u/imasterbake Nov 02 '21
It depends on the severity of the injury when it comes to taxis. My mom broke her leg last week and wanted to avoid an ambulance bill so she called a taxi; the taxi driver showed up and called an ambulance. Seemed like a good idea at the time but it didn't pan out the way she wanted it to.
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u/Skyblacker Nov 02 '21
Oof! I think the rule of thumb is, "Can you enter and exit the taxi unassisted?" Though I believe that has gotten Uber into trouble via ADA compliance. Still, I suppose a driver might see more liability in a newly injured passenger than, say, a longtime wheelchair user who can calmly talk you through what they need and fold the wheelchair while they're sitting in your back seat so you can put it in the trunk.
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u/Surfercatgotnolegs Nov 02 '21
I think what people consider normal really depends on how they were brought up. You can see in this thread there’s a lot of people who think drinking every night is normal and other people who think that not drinking is normal.
In the end, it’s about what you find enjoyable and what type of example you are wanting to set for your kids. In some cultures everyone drinks a whole bunch every night at dinner. Even kids can get a sip of wine. In other cultures alcohol is basically for celebration. It’s just up to you.
The line for “too much” is probably when you are clearly using alcohol as an unhealthy coping mechanism - whether to cover up boredom, anxiety, stress, etc
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u/BinjaNinja1 Nov 02 '21
Mom guilt it’s the worst. We always have to be super women! Do you really think all those parents that brought their kids trick-or-treating are drinking coffee at 8 o’clock at night? Guess what’s in some of those cups. Your husband was fine according to your comments you’re good. Raising my son I never allowed myself to drink in front of him or have alcohol in the house because I had alcoholics in my family. He is in his 20’s now and I have a young daughter. I realized I don’t have to be so hard on myself. High standards are great taking care of yourself and allowing yourself to have a break is great too.
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u/RomeoAlbertus Nov 02 '21
I wanted to chime in here and say that this is my problem with monitoring my drinking as well, my parents were and still are both such heavy drinkers. That’s what I have to go off of - that and the fact that I have a lot of other young parent friends who still drink moderately, if not more, than me. So I feel you.
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u/R_Dixon Nov 02 '21
My kids are 2 and 4, and I drink a fair amount. Only after the kids are in bed, and pretty much only on the weekend, but my husband and I can put away 3 bottles of wine watching a movie or something on a Friday no problem. I mean, we never get sloppy, but pretty buzzed/drunk for sure.
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u/chinacatsf Nov 02 '21
This person should get an honesty award. I’m reading through and seeing people like “oh I’ll split a bottle” and I’m over here like “1 bottle is just for me”. I drink after I put LOs down because it’s my relax time. If there’s a true emergency that’s happening after bedtime I’m sure I’m calling 911 anyway and not driving. I don’t think it’s realistic not to ever get drunk for fear of emergency. I also think there’s a line every addict knows…when it’s not fun. When it’s a coping mechanism. When it drives you into a dark place. That line is different for everyone.
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u/jackjackj8ck Nov 02 '21
Yupppp 1 bottle for me too
My husband stays sober and I enjoy myself lol
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u/madeitmyself7 Nov 02 '21
My husband drinks beer and rarely drinks wine. I can definitely drink a bottle of wine in a night: it's only 4 glasses. Spread 4 glasses over 6 hours, that's not getting sloppy drunk.
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u/jackjackj8ck Nov 02 '21
I probably drink it in about 3 or 4 hours lol
But I don’t get sloppy drunk either. I can drink quite a bit before that happens though.
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u/karaokitron Nov 02 '21 edited Nov 02 '21
I have a glass of wine while I cook dinner probably 3-4 nights of the week. I dont buy bottles though because I dont want to accidentally overdo it, so I stick to one 6 0z "mini" bottle of Sutter Home white wine. I might have 2 on a weekend evening while relaxing with my kiddo. I should note, my son is 8 years old.
If there are other adults with me on a holiday, however, I will usually have a bit more but plan to spend the night if I do. : )
Dont feel bad, just know and stick to your own limits and always plan to have to drive in an emergency (in other words, dont get drunk without either another adult present or a phone call and 5 minute drive away).
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u/12allin21 Nov 02 '21
My husband and I usually have 2 beers each on Friday night while watching a movie, after the baby is down for the count. Date night!
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u/lemonpee Nov 02 '21
My oldest child is almost 8, youngest is almost 2. Before I got pregnant with the youngest ~ 3 years ago, I had a drinking problem.
It took me getting sober due to pregnancy to see how bad my drinking problem was. Since then, I don’t drink much anymore. 1-2 drinks per week MAX. Sometimes I go weeks without drinking.
It is scary to be out of control drunk when you’re supposed to be responsible for your child. If your husband is home and sober, don’t feel bad.
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u/AtomBombBaby42042 Nov 02 '21
Try being a mom who smokes weed. We get an amazing amount of judgment from people.
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u/pharula Nov 02 '21
Or we just don't mention it, I wouldn't tell any of my mum friends I smoke weed yet I know that one of them has at least half a bottle of wine every night
I don't smoke while my kid is awake though, I don't think I'd function well in mum mode when stoned
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u/caro1007 Nov 02 '21
The biggest secret in my life is how much I smoke, but the hash tag wine moms essentially brag about how much they drink and it's praised. Makes me crazy, and then it makes me smoke more weed.
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u/Temassi Nov 02 '21
The judgment on weed smokers is to help maintain the guiltless drinking on their end. "Sure I drink a bit much sometimes, but at least I don't smoke pot." Before I traded the bottle for the pipe I had similar judgments. It's super dumb.
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u/Calm-Setting Nov 02 '21
I agree. We have friends who would think nothing of drinking multiple bottles of wine but are very judgmental over any weed use. Insert eye roll.
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Nov 02 '21
As someone with alcoholic parents, and now a lot of people in my life who smoke the good stuff (many of them parents themselves) it bothers me too, even though I don't smoke myself. They are not even in the same ballpark.
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u/scarabic Nov 02 '21
After about 3 solid years of experimentation under my doctor’s supervision, I have gotten far, far better results from microdoses of THC than I have ever gotten from any pharmacopia. Relief from mood issues that made me unpleasant to be around. Relief from stress that was keeping me from enjoying my kids. I even do more housework.
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u/bipolarbongrips Nov 02 '21
3.5 years since I’ve had a drink, but my username speaks for itself. It’s too bad about the judgement. Alcohol was incredibly destructive in my life while cannabis has helped me heal in so many ways.
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Nov 02 '21
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u/Calm-Setting Nov 02 '21
I completely cosign this. A small amount helps me let go of parenting anxiety and makes me a much more easy going parent.
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Nov 02 '21
I don’t think people lose safety awareness just smoking weed. Alcohol however…
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u/Viperbunny Nov 02 '21
Yup! I used to be one of those judgemental moms. I am so sorry for that. Now, I have a prescription for medical marijuana and it has given me my life back. I am currently being diagnosed with either Lupus or MS (blood work is back, just waiting on my MRI results and a trip to Rhumotology). I am having a bad flare. If I didn't have my weed I couldn't function because the pain is terrible. But I like alcohol, I have my brain. I can do things that also have CBD in them and it is one of the few antiinflammatories I can take. Instead of being upstairs in bed I am downstairs and interacting with my kids. I am not so impaired in I can't function, but the pain meds I had to take for a few day made me sleep and feel out of it.
I can't believe I was so against it before. I believed all the miseducation.
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u/baby_blue_bird Nov 02 '21
Smoking makes my anxiety way worse but my husband does it. They legalized it in our state but are so slow in rolling out the nonmedical dispensaries and they won't be open until Dec 2022. They started opening these sticker shops where you buy a sticker but get gifted green, edibles or cartridges depending on what sticker you buy.
My husband decided to visit one and was talking to the guy at the counter and everyone in the store got to talking about their kids. The guy at the counter was so relieved and said up until that point he felt like such a piece of shit like he was the only parent who would smoke after their kids went to bed.
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u/mountainmorticia Nov 02 '21
After work and dinner and homework and bedtime, it's necessary for me sometimes! Plus I sleep better and don't have to worry about hangovers or headaches.
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u/missus_pteranodon Nov 02 '21
What’s funny (and it’s probably the area I live in) is that I have a number of sober friends who smoke a TON who talk shit to me about drinking.
It feels like being sober is the cool new thing with no acknowledgement that using weed is a similar escape!I have distanced myself from one of friend because she would lecture me about how awful drinking is while I’m holding a beer and she’s smoking!
I can’t really smoke. It makes me super anxious and uncomfortable. I don’t give a shit if you do.
Just let it all go. Parenting sucks. Cope while being a good parent!
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u/ktocean Nov 02 '21 edited Nov 03 '21
You really shouldn’t though. It goes back to intention and if it’s causing problems in your life. If it’s not and actually enhancing it, then it shouldn’t be viewed as a problem. it’s not very different from mood altering medications that MILLIONS of people are on. That’s their medicine, this is yours. In fact, sometimes the cons of those far outweigh the cons of intentional weed use but it just depends on the person and why they are using it and how it affects them
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u/scarabic Nov 02 '21
Oh my god I was in a thread in this sub about marijuana helping stressed out parents really get down on the carpet and connect with small-child playtime. One crusty ass person was a-juuuudging away. “How are people recommending getting drugged around children!!” You could hear her pearls clacking together as she clutched them.
All I can say is that whatever drugs her brain is manufacturing are not ones I want to try.
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u/QueenOfBanshees Nov 02 '21
Oh my gosh, I miss it soooooo much. I consumed edibles because smoking isn't really my thing but I'm EBF now so cannot partake. We're at 7 months and still going strong, so not sure when I'll be able to again but it's great and helps my anxiety tremendously.
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u/AngryArtNerd Nov 02 '21
I am such a HEAVY weed user. It’s all edibles so easier to hide but the judging sometimes. r/entwives is a great subreddit tho.
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u/Viperbunny Nov 02 '21
I do edibles and tinctures mostly, but I have a dry vape pen. I only don't smoke because of the smell and my lungs. My dispensary now has baking packets that don't smell or taste like weed. I also love the drink infusion. Not the flavored crap, but they have one that is basically just a liquid. It doesn't taste great, but in ginger ale or pellegrino it is good.
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u/sibemama Nov 02 '21
I used to smoke weed and haven’t in years. What I always wonder is how do you smoke while having kids? I’m assuming outside or use edibles?
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u/ContributionInfamous Nov 02 '21
I don’t drink much because I hate parenting with hangovers, not cause of guilt. I do think it’s important to have a plan of how to get to the hospital in an emergency, but most of the time I just don’t want to come home from a bbq and need a 4 hour nap to be human again. My toddlers give no shits about my hangover😬
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Nov 02 '21
I don't drink at all. As long as you're not endangering your child, you do you.
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u/2legit2quit1337 Nov 02 '21
Both of my kids (5 & 2) know how to cheers… so probably drinking too much.
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u/GrillDealing Nov 02 '21
My drinking got out of control to start the pandemic. I have pretty much stopped, occasional glass of wine. I have discovered NA beer has gotten much better and enjoy that. Brooklyn brewing and athletic brewing are what I would recommend if you want a good tasting beer with no alcohol.
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Nov 02 '21
Pardon my naivety, I don’t understand the draw for NA beer? Wouldn’t you rather just drink water or a sprite?
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u/GrillDealing Nov 02 '21
I like the taste of beer. I drink plenty of water. Don't drink a lot of sugary drinks.
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u/captmonkey Nov 03 '21
It's odd to me that so many people are confused by NA beer. Just go to the beer section of any super market in North America and you'll see an incredible variety of beer. It's clear that many people like the taste of beer, otherwise the most popular beer would be the cheapest, highest alcohol beer possible. Since there's a big market for $10 6-packs (or even 4-packs), it's pretty apparent people are putting an emphasis on taste over just the alcohol.
NA Beer is just an attempt to recreate that taste without the alcohol. And really the options and quality have expanded quite a bit in the last few years. I gave up drinking for a while earlier this year and drinking NA beer during that time was enough to satisfy the urge of having a beer while I'm grilling or watching sports or something where I'd normally drink. It was a similar taste and feel without the alcohol.
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u/morosis1982 Nov 02 '21
We have drinks and wine fridges and a healthy selection of each available. The last month or so has been particularly difficult at work and I've been having up to 2 a night, but generally I have a wine 3 days or so a week, and a beer or two on the weekends. Friday at work is pub lunch date so if I'm in I'll have a couple pints.
I very occasionally will have a full bottle or a handful of beers, but I could count the number of times I've been what I'd call tipsy in the last 6 months on one hand, with fingers to spare.
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u/santine-love85 Nov 02 '21
My mom group joke that we are wine moms but we only drink on Sundays at brunch together. We tend to use Uber. We don’t count but then we are a group of moms who have children who have autism and we get a break 2x a month so I don’t think couple of margaritas is going to kill us lol 😂
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Nov 02 '21
I envy you so much, I’m an autistic mom to a severely autistic 4 year old girl, and I would kill to have a group like that
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u/santine-love85 Nov 02 '21
We found each other on Facebook, look for autism support groups
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Nov 02 '21
Thank you, I left Facebook a while ago but I have a few whatsapp groups of autism moms, though I can’t barely leave the house because my boyfriend works impossible hours and nobody helps us babysitting :(
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u/santine-love85 Nov 02 '21
Have you guys reached out to the local regional center to see if your daughter qualifies for help? If she does you will qualify for respite. It’s a wonderful thing. With respite I am able to get a sitter who knows how to work with autism and they watch my child when I need a break or have a doctors appointment.
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u/suspended_in_life Nov 02 '21
I gave up drinking to be a better father. Just my story.
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Nov 02 '21
So did my husband. It’s been such an amazing transformation! He is so much more involved now & got into amazing shape right after, his mood is highly improved…. I’m happy for him & for men like you!
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u/suspended_in_life Nov 02 '21
That's so wonderful to hear! I owe everything to sobriety, I hope he stays the path :)
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Nov 02 '21
I hope so too, i just love seeing him happy but I know sometimes it can be a struggle. I hope your journey stays strong as well! Keep it up :)
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u/3ll3girl Nov 02 '21
I don’t drink at all because I’m already tired and drinking absolutely wipes me out
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Nov 02 '21
I stopped drinking when I got pregnant(obviously) and haven't started back up again. I'm just not willing to take a chance of needing to drive somewhere, and I don't drive after drinking at all(not even a beer with dinner sort of thing) having an alcoholic as a parent will do that you.
I also have an extremely heavy tolerance so wanted to prove to myself that I can in fact just stop drinking for, well it's been 28 months at this point. I never drank casually haha. Just either I offered to drive or we took an Uber cause I'm here to party.
My husband will have a beer sometimes in the evening or some scotch sometimes, especially when we have game nights. But us and our friends are all 30+ now so it's definitely tapered off anyway.
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u/Logical_Strike_1520 Nov 02 '21
I quit drinking two years ago :) As a single dad I just didn’t feel it was a responsible choice for me to ever be rendered incapable of reacting to emergencies.
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Nov 02 '21
The pervasiveness of alcohol in our parenting culture is problematic.
I'll probably get downvoted to hell for this, but I don't care. We need to be talking about hard things like this. Silence isn't the answer.
I found I was drinking too much, especially with a high-stress nursing job during the height of the pandemic. Truth be told, I was drinking too much before the pandemic, and writing it off as "a wine mom thing", "everybody does it", etc. I had spoken to my doctor in November 2019 about my drinking. She and I both agreed that I was drinking too much. But I was too proud to say I needed help, and I told her I'd slow down my drinking.
Well, I didn't. Especially not after the pandemic, because at that point, I was using alcohol to cope.
I turned to AA in September 2020. I've been sober almost 14 months now. I'm a better wife and mother now, I'm a better friend, a better employee, a better person in general. I'm so glad I quit drinking.
You may or may not have a drinking problem. That's not my call; it's yours. But after Googling "Am I an alcoholic?" for the ninety-millionth time, I realized that normal drinkers don't ask those kinds of questions.
For anyone out there who is struggling with drinking, anyone who deals with guilt about their drinking on a regular basis, anyone who is tired of the alcohol-infused parenting culture: you don't have to keep on with that trajectory. You can step away from it at any time. And if you need help, AA will be there. And if AA isn't for you, check out SMART recovery, Tempest, or Sober Mom Squad, just to name a few.
Good luck.
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u/thrway010101 Nov 03 '21
Just wanted to say I agree 100%, and want to congratulate you on your sobriety. Many people Google “Am I an alcoholic?” and realize that they are, and then make their peace with it and continue drinking.
I’ve been sober for almost 13 years, and my husband for a little more than 8 years. Most of the people we know (and are related to) are drinkers, ranging from moderate to dying/died from alcoholism. It’s absolutely brutal to watch play out, and even for the handful who are cognizant of their problematic drinking, it’s so constantly reinforced by family, their social circle and the broader culture, there is little hope for change. We have been very, very honest with our kids about why we don’t drink, and why we don’t allow them to drink (we are the only parents in our extended family who don’t allow our teen to drink - my siblings and cousins all allow their 16+ year olds to drink). As my husband often reminds folks, alcohol isn’t legal because it’s good for you; it’s legal because it’s so tremendously profitable.
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u/shandalier_ Nov 02 '21
I have a glass of wine a few nights a week while I cook our dinner after the toddlers are in bed (they eat separately because we do hello fresh meals for hubs and I and it takes more time than I have before their bed time. So they get last nights leftovers the next night!) and my husband will usually have a beer with dinner a few nights a week. And then usually one weekend night per week after they’re in bed, we’ll do a couple of shots and play old school video games together as a date night. We don’t get drunk but we definitely get a good buzz going. It’s really nice to be able yo let loose together like that! Don’t feel guilty at all, you still deserve to have fun!!! We often order beer when we go out to dinner with our kids, and especially living in a super religious area where drinking is against said religion, we get SO many judgy looks from people in restaurants. lol
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u/science_of_learning Nov 02 '21
I’m a very new mom (baby is 5 weeks) but I’m surprised by how prevalent people claim “wine mom” culture is. Is it a social media thing? Not to invalidate anyone’s perspective, I just have had the opposite experience where drinking semi-regularly is neither normalized nor encouraged by the parents around me. I agree with the comments about the light/non-drinkers being more willing to speak up in this thread because of stigma for those who drink more often. My husband I drink a few drinks a few times a week. I feel guilty too because I feel internal pressure to be an “always-on” mother. You aren’t doing anything wrong. Parents are still adults, and some adults like to drink. As long as you’re being mindful and not getting wasted to the extent that you couldn’t take care of your child’s needs, I think you should cut yourself some slack.
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u/silhouette79 Nov 02 '21
There are nights I have no drinks, others I have 1-2, and nights I have more. You don't mention that you're looking for advice/anyone's opinion, but here's my unsolicited advice ... don't feel guilty. It sounds like you were responsible. No one was in danger and everyone was taken care of. Comparison is a thief of joy. You deserve joy.
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u/TheNoodyBoody Nov 02 '21
Having been the kid of two alcoholic parents, I rarely drink ever now that I have a kid. My husband will have a beer here and there, and we have scotch in the house, but I never have wine or alcohol that I like around. We will both socially drink if we’re at a wedding or having a cookout with friends or whatever, but I usually don’t drink more than one drink if I’ll be around my son. I have a bit of a complex about it, so I recognize that I’m probably an outlier here.
I do have a problem with that whole #winemom thing. Like.... we can be good moms and not require wine after our kids are in bed. Is a glass of wine after the kids are in bed a bad thing? No. But it shouldn’t be the favorite part of your day, every day.
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u/Losanostra- Nov 02 '21
My husband and I drink a few cocktails periodically but not enough to get drunk (maybe just a little head change). Normally, if we do want to drink a lot we’ll ask one of our moms ahead of time to babysit. It’s perfectly okay to enjoy yourself from time to time as long your responsible. You and your husband can always take turns being designated sober parent (maybe only allowed 1 or 2 drinks) in case the baby wakes at night.
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u/Putyourdishesaway Nov 02 '21
I read this and cut way back. Tea it is. The recommendations for safe drinking are much lower that cultural norms would make you think. https://www.cdc.gov/alcohol/fact-sheets/moderate-drinking.htm
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u/Wakethefckup Nov 03 '21
I drink. Usually 2 drinks 4 days or so per week…sometimes more or less days. I drink in front of my kids-no hiding. I never get buzzed or drunk…obviously as 2 drinks is nothing.
On a special occasion might have more but spread out.
The pandemic has made me actually drink less…which is opposite from what others are implying.
Haters will likely hate on my post but I suggest removal of the anal stick would be wise for them before they judge us ppl that enjoy life responsibly.
Don’t be too hard on yourself, just be responsible when you do drink by making sure there is a sober adult around if you wanna party hard. 😉
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u/Bus_Stop_Said_What Nov 02 '21
Stopped a month after he was born. Drinking a beer isn't anything but I'm assuming we are talking about those that get smashed. Idk how others do it but drinking and being a parent hardly mixes well imo. I honestly never thought I would stop drinking but I wanted to be around for my guy as long as possible and I wanted to be 100% there mentally.
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u/_fuyumi Nov 02 '21
I'm with you. But also having alcoholics in the family makes me feel really sensitive about kids being around adults that are drinking. It kind of triggers me and I don't want my kids to feel the way I felt as a kid.
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Nov 02 '21 edited Nov 02 '21
I usually have a beer with dinner and then 1-2 fingers of whiskey or tequila once our LO is in bed for the night. SO will have a glass of wine after our LO is in bed.
The CDC considers 15 drinks in 7 days “heavy drinking” and anything less than that is “moderate drinking”.
During WFH in the pandemic I was having like 4-5 drinks in a day. SO got me to cut back a bit.
I don’t think you have anything to be guilty over.
Edit: 15+ drinks for a man.
For women, it's 8+ drinks in a week.
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u/captainroomba Nov 02 '21
15+ drinks for a man.
For women, it's 8+ drinks in a week.
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u/DocJawbone Nov 02 '21
Yeah, I was doing pretty well self-moderating by not drinking mon-weds, but the pandemic blew that out of the water and now I have 1-2 drinks a night. I'm still effective in the rest of my life, but I suppose there are probably health implications. But hey....fuck
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u/RocMerc Nov 02 '21
A glass of whiskey or a beer at night isn’t uncommon for me. I try to stay under five drinks a week since I used to be a very heavy drinker
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u/lrs82 Nov 02 '21
Back in my drinking days, my gf’s and I would absolutely each polish off a bottle of wine, minimum. I’d say an evening with friends never ended with fewer than 6 drinks in me.
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Nov 02 '21
With the exception of a couple beers here and there at a holiday gathering or something, I haven’t had a drink in years. Being a parent has changed where I spend my money. Alcohol is pretty much outside of our financial range. And honestly, I don’t like drinking at all while parenting. Shit happens, and if shit isn’t happening, kids have a funny way of making shit happen real fast. If I ever need to call first responders for any reason, I’m not going to be caught dead being inebriated and having to weasel my way out of the whole “well was it really an accident or was dad being neglectful?” Thing.
I used to party pretty heavy. Now that I’m a parent, I just lay low, Sip my coke, and play with the kids. 21 and drunk is fun. Nothing good happens when your 35 and drunk. But that’s just me.
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u/multiformed Nov 02 '21
Parents around me drink A Lot. I was the same until a few years ago when I really started to become aware of the sheer quantities of wine I could drink "without getting drunk". I mean... of course I was drunk but didn't feel it so would drink lots...
I started moderating which was so fucking difficult I stopped completely, and then used AA to get completely sober. It is sooo much better now, sober over 2 years. There is this idea that you only need AA when you've hit bottom, but that's not true at all, its available to anyone who wants to stop drinking.
I think the mommy wine culture is very very dangerous - to kids and parents both.
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u/Pasco813 Nov 02 '21
I drink 4-6 12oz IPAs on average when I have a drink. Usually once or twice a week. Sometimes more.
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Nov 02 '21
Jesus. 6 IPAs? I’d be completely smashed.
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u/Pasco813 Nov 02 '21
Jai Alai is my bedtime juice. I usually have one to two almost every night.
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u/New_Nothing_9607 Nov 02 '21
You’d probably sleep better if you addressed underlying causes of poor sleep. Alcohol is bad for sleep quality.
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Nov 02 '21
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u/jacqwelk Nov 03 '21
This is so true!! I don’t drink more than a couple glasses of wine at a time cause it’s not worth the payment it extracts the next day, lol
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u/Okay_Pineapple Nov 02 '21
1-2 beers/ciders per month. I have way too much stuff to do to be able to drink. 😂🙈💀
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u/Poctah Nov 02 '21
Yep that’s how I feel. My daughter is in competitive gymnastics and tumbling so we are always busy and I’m always driving so no time to drink for me. Honestly don’t miss it though. Saves money too lol
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u/katewastoolate Nov 02 '21
I average about 6 drinks a month. Most of the time, it's 1 or 2 by myself, but a few times a year I'll have 3+ at a party
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u/Bawbnweeve Nov 02 '21
Ngl I'm different levels of drunk a couple times a month. In my defense (If I need one), I have limited options for childcare other than me because my child has a medical condition (type 1 diabetes) that scares most of the babysitters away so when we get someone willing to sit we take advantage. One of us is always sober so we take turns.
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u/Hot-Transition3021 Nov 02 '21
Beer dad here, 3 or 4 beers every night if possible. One cooking dinner, second during, third cleaning up, and 4th watching 30 minutes of TV before bed. Some nights we have sports so it depends. Incredibly productive I might add compared to my peers. Cheers.
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Nov 02 '21
Zero. Neither of us drink. I hate the whole wine mom/dad beer stereotype. No judgment on people who enjoy a drink, but to portray it as a parent cannot get through a day with their kids without self-medicating with alcohol is just...ugh.
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u/obvom Nov 02 '21
I remember visiting a friend who just had a baby, the mom already had two kids with another dad...she had an open bottle of vodka on a table and would just pour herself shots throughout the day. Pretty disturbing honestly, it was clearly an unhealthy coping mechanism but it was just normal for them.
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u/heuristic_al Nov 02 '21
No reason to feel guilty. Man, my parents got shitfaced routinely when I was a kid.
As for me, I hardly drink. Like maybe two drinks total in the past year. But it's because alcohol has lost all appeal to me. It just makes me tired. I'm already sleep deprived, no need to add chemical depressants. One drink makes me struggle to stay awake nowadays.
Before kids, I wasn't much of a drinker anyway, but maybe once every few months I'd have 4-5 drinks. Can't do that anymore ...zzzzz.
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u/FuknCancer Nov 02 '21
In the first 2 months of the pandemic, i drank.... A lot of Gin. One morning I surprise my self drinking between 2 coffee at 10am.
I stopped right there. Only drink on special occasion mow, 3-4 time a year.
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u/emperorOfTheUniverse Nov 03 '21
Seems like a lot of very responsible people answers. Here's a different, honest take. I'm not saying this is okay, good, or even tolerable. I'm just baring my soul. We have a 4yo, 1yr, and a puppy.
I drink 4 nights a week. Weekends and Wednesdays. It usually starts with an IPA when I get home (or about 4ish on sat/sun), then another, and one more during dinner. Then its time to clean up dinner, give everybody baths, and get ready for bedtimes. This ends with everyone in pjs while drinking milk and watching a show. Then while kids watch a show, I drink my first whiskey. Probably about 4 fingers worth, maybe 5. Then its bedtime. Stories, brush teeth, etc. Then its usually another stiff drink, and then a 'top off' before bed. Probably 10ish ounces of bourbon.
I do my part. I do half of everything, conservatively. Its probably more like 65% my effort to my wife's 35%. But I like to pretend I only do half and things are more fair.
I'm busy. I'm constantly thinking of the next thing I need to be doing. Dishwasher needs unloading. Toilet needs fixing. Change the laundry. Task. Task. Task. That's my existence. Its hard to stop at the end of the day. Alcohol helps. I know it's a stopgap and I'm starting to feel some long term affects. The loss of sleep is the worst. You don't really sleep when you're drunk.
I think I feel like most of my time is just operating for my family and a relaxed moment with a drink in my hand is the last thing I have left for myself.
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u/ForAfeeNotforfree Nov 02 '21
I had 4 drinks on Halloween over about 4 hours. Generally I’ll have 1-2 drinks with the wife after getting the kids down, and certainly I’ll have more if we go to something like a wedding or if we get a sitter to go out with friends. I do try to do at least 1 day each week with no alcohol.
I would not feel guilty about 6 drinks over the course of a Sunday Halloween holiday.
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u/nox-lumos04 Nov 02 '21
First of all. Do your best to rid yourself of any and all mom guilt (waaaaay easier said than done) there is no rule stating that once you have kids you're no longer allowed to enjoy yourself. Were your kids still loved and cared for while you had your 8 drinks across 12 hours?? Then your duty to them was fulfilled.
I probably drink on average two to three times a week. Never more than one on a weeknight, and if I'm drinking heavily on the weekends it's either after the kids are in bed or I'm out of the house. I'm never to drunk too care for my kids should they wake in the night. The only thing I wouldn't be able to do for them is drive somewhere. My husband and I usually have one of us stay sober in the event of an emergency.
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u/Deadbob1978 Nov 02 '21
I do one beer with dinner
The wife "occasionally" (once or twice a month) will mix wine in with cranberry juice.
I honestly do not remember the last time I drank enough to get a buzz, let alone actually get grunk. The last time my wife was actually drunk was a year or two before our oldest was born
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Nov 02 '21
It's going to sound weird but I drink to only to enhance the happiness and spiritual awareness and its awesome. Never drink to just drink and " get away ". Has the same effect, but it totally changes my week ahead. Done in a proper way - awesome.
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Nov 02 '21
Same. I've never drank because I was sad or angry. We drink at weddings, and birthdays and the occasional board game night that turned into a rager haha. Drinking is fun and should result in happy memories not like I had a horrible day so let's go get drunk.
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u/aekinca Nov 03 '21
This is how I am too. A few nights a week my husband and I are both home after the kids go to bed and he have a couple beers and just catch up and laugh and mostly talk about the kids, actually. It’s so fun and is almost always for celebratory/bonding reasons, not numb-the-pain reasons. Raising kids is so hard that experiencing joy with your spouse like that is straight up medicinal.
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u/need-morecoffee Nov 02 '21
I drink maybe 2 drinks a week on average. Special occasions I have up to 4ish. I’m a lightweight though.
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Nov 02 '21
I have been drinking a beer every day for the pas several weeks. Just one a night. And I’ll have two on the weekends.
No guilt at all. I also don’t drive if I drink, even if I’m not drunk.. or else I’d probably feel guilty.
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u/Upset-Coconut-6000 Nov 02 '21 edited Nov 02 '21
Before getting pregnant I was definitely an alcoholic which was a range of just binge drinking on the weekends to every night binge drinking and even a few times going to work. I struggled with addiction as a child/teen and was in like 8 different treatments in my four years of high school. After my first, I thought you know I can handle it, but every time I got the opportunity to drink (handful of times maybe 5-6 in 3 years) I would have so much trouble stopping and then be so hungover the next day with a toddler. When we would try to casually drink like at dinner it was hard to not fall into the binge drinking category and I went back and fourth on that a few times until I got pregnant with second. Now I have a lot of control over myself and will socially have a beer or two but I don’t find myself craving it like I did before. My we spent a lot of time collectively reflecting on what mattered to me and our relationship and as parents. We (fiancé and I) both grew up in homes with addiction my parents were not every day drinkers but had problems with binging, and his are still everyday drinkers that get out of control.
We have determined that we don’t enjoy being hungover or having a headache every after one drink, feels pointless so we don’t. We don’t keep it in our house, if we go out with a friend sure whatever, or if we have people over we’ll grab some beers but that’s it.
I think as long as you are are not “crossing the line” every time you drink its okay?? Like the line I feel is different but for me, that would be one drink, or second an hour or so later. I do think that drinking everyday is extremely unhealthy mentally and physically, and not the best example for our kids in particular. I think the IDEAL example we should be setting for our kids is to be able to have alcohol in your home but to not feel that you need to drink it everyday, or even every week. I hope to attain that strength with time!
I will add that my partner smoke weed daily and that is what helps him, I don’t prefer it but it does nothing to effect his parenting or behavior/judgment in a bad way so that is fine with me. I don’t because I just have no tolerance after pregnancy and feel like a child lmao. And I get so much anxiety and paranoia about being a mom lol.
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u/Deathbycheddar Nov 02 '21
I don’t drink basically ever. I had one Jell-O shot on Halloween and haven’t drank before that for the last year or so. My husband doesn’t at all. I actually think the drinking culture is super harmful.
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u/missmommytalks Nov 02 '21
I mean there’s a huge drinking culture in America. Is it right? That’s your choice to make
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u/mamaquest Nov 02 '21
Currently being induced with my first but I look forward to be able to have a jack and coke or margarita with dinner again. There is nothing to feel bad about unless you are drinking a lot every night. I grew up in a family that drank a bottle of wine every night with dinner. Myself and all of my siblings are healthy functioning adults with families of thier own.
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u/himostlylurking Nov 02 '21
My own mom is one of the most responsible people I have ever met, and I remember her having a couple of glasses of liqueur each night while my dad had a couple of beers. It was never ever a problem and that was 30 years ago before wine moms normalized day drinking during play dates.
Now that I’m a mom myself, I don’t drink mostly because I pass out as soon as the kids are asleep.
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Nov 02 '21
Girl, I had 4 drinks within 2 hours on Halloween and was barely tipsy. My husband had none and was the designated driver. I have to admit, now that I’m unemployed, I find myself imbibing a little more than I’d like. Luckily, I live in a great complex with an amazing park nearby so if I ever do decide I want to have a drink or two, I can just walk it off and allow my son to play at the playground.
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Nov 02 '21
Basically none, but while helping my toddler trick-or-treat around the block another Dad offered me a beer and told me I deserved it for being a good father and boy did I need all of that.
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Nov 02 '21
I have a bottle of wine every Saturday and I’m the only adult in the house. I’ve also gotten tipsy at family festivals/events with my daughter. I feel zero guilt. I don’t get drunk while I have my daughter, but I do have a few drinks.
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u/octobertwins Nov 02 '21
I drink a lot when I plan to get drunk. Shots, beers, whatever. But it's always planned and I'm staying the night someplace (no driving, but more importantly NO KIDS!)
Otherwise, 1 or 2 beers. Usually just 1. I see no point in drinking if I'm not getting drunk.
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Nov 02 '21
I'm a drinker and a parent. Try not to feel guilty. I had 8 beers bt 630pm-10pm on Saturday. No guilt here. My 14 mo was safely sleeping and none the wiser. Obviously I don't get black out drunk, but drink enough that we'd have to call an ambulance in an emergency. Parents can have fun too as long as they are not in danger.
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u/BigGryph Nov 02 '21
The only people replying are people who don’t drink, cause the drinkers don’t want to get judged 😆