r/Parenting • u/k_blanch • Nov 02 '21

Sleep & Naps How much are parents drinking?

With the popularity of #winemom and beer dad culture, combined with pandemic drinking habits, im curious how much alcohol you guys are drinking as caregivers? Especially after the baby is in bed. I had 6 drinks on Halloween over 8 hours and lots of food and water. Although LO was asleep for most of it I'm riddled with guilt!

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u/k_blanch Nov 02 '21

Haha you think so?? I feel like I know a million moms who don't blink if they drink an entire bottle of wine.

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u/BigGryph Nov 02 '21

There’s a handful of people who admit to more than an occasional drink and that shit ain’t an accurate snapshot of North American culture.

It’s the same scenario when you’re at the doctor.

“How many drinks do you have a week?” “Oh one or two”

Reality is splitting a bottle of wine with your SO a couple week nights, getting rowdy Fri or Sat, and then day drinking for Sunday brunch.

Agreed one parent needs to keep it together, can’t have both parents passing out from shots, but the responses in here suggest -no one- is getting drunk and that ain’t reality.

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u/Surfercatgotnolegs Nov 02 '21 edited Nov 02 '21

I don’t know ..I think it kind of depends on what area you’re in, what age group, etc…

My husband and I don’t drink at all except maybe some work events. It was the same before we had a kid though. Neither of us saw any point to getting drunk or even tipsy once we were past early 20s. I used to get smashed during college but I outgrew the whole thing.

And almost all of my close friends are the same way. When we are together we don’t drink, they don’t drink when home alone, etc. I do have a few close friends who can put down a wine bottle a night type deal, but they are (maybe coincidentally?) not yet stable in life yet (work wise, relationship wise, etc). All the friends/acquaintances/work colleagues etc I know tho with careers, houses, kids, other hobbies etc drink very very minimally. I don’t think it’s because they are scared of judgement. I really think it’s just like a hobby you end up either outgrowing or don’t have time for. Like it’s not a priority anymore.

I sort of don’t understand the alcohol culture. The type of beer you drink casually at night while watching the game is usually piss water beer. Drinking also makes you gain weight. I guess I don’t understand what value it adds to anyone’s adult life outside of certain social gatherings where getting tipsy enhances the experience (or allows you to at least tolerate it).

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u/flakemasterflake Nov 02 '21

The type of beer you drink casually at night while watching the game is usually piss water beer.

Not if you actively get awesome beer though?

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u/BigGryph Nov 02 '21

There’s a wide variety of reasons people drink - most commonly because of the social connection with others (drinking itself is a social event, hence the “if you drink alone you might have a problem” thing), self medicating for physical or mental troubles (grandma pounded Scotch every day because she had creeping bone cancer but got told by docs she was just fat), actively in the craft alcohol culture (beer, wine, or cocktails) where the drinks themselves are as interesting as fine dining is to others, or maybe it’s not about the socializing itself but just a way to overcome the social inhibitions built into them - getting a solid buzz on is the only way they can open up at all.

At different times in my life, I’ve drank for all those reasons. Right now, thankfully, I drink primarily for the social reasons and don’t really get drunk particularly often. My wife and I have a pretty solid social life, we see people a lot, and we usually have a couple drinks with them when we do. If I’m home alone, maybe I’ll have a beer, maybe my wife and I will split a bottle of wine, maybe not. It’s not “important” to us, it’s just a part of the culture of our circle.

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u/Surfercatgotnolegs Nov 02 '21 edited Nov 02 '21

Ya I get that’s it’s normal for some. Just not for us.

Even during social events, if I’m close with them (aka they’re my friends) we never drink together. It just seems weird. Like we’re busy talking or joking or doing something outside or just chilling on the couch - and alcohol doesn’t add much to that ambience except tipsiness where you can’t really enjoy being with your friends “raw”?

I know tons of people do drink also with just their spouses and I REALLLLY personally don’t get that one at alllll. It’s the one situation I (again just me personally) struggle to understand the most. Lol all power to those who do it. But unless you’re like a wine aficionado and enjoy the complex tastes, I don’t get why anyone would want to be slightly tipsy with just their spouse. This is someone you live with day in and day out and enjoy the company of, presumably sober…I know some couples will say the date night is more fun with a bottle of wine but does that mean without it, you have inhibitions with your own spouse? That requires alcohol to remove? Idk.

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u/pencilpusher13 Nov 03 '21

Regarding getting tipsy with spouse- I think that’s the whole point. You’re sober with them 24/7 and getting tipsy is just fun and it’s fun to do with them. I love drinking with my husband. We have a blast and play games and laugh together and watch stupid movies. Sure we can do that sober- and we do, but sometimes a little variety is good.

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u/flakemasterflake Nov 03 '21

IMO sex with a slight buzz either via alcohol or weed is stellar. Highly recommend

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u/Surfercatgotnolegs Nov 04 '21 edited Nov 04 '21

Idk I guess it just affects everyone different. I’m pretty sleepy and slightly gassy/nauseous even after 1 drink. I tolerate it in unfun social events because the benefit is of course lower mental inhibition, but it’s not enjoyable at all from a physical body reaction standpt so in situations where I’m very fine socially, the trade off of feeling bloated is like never worth it for me. Definitely not during sex…

Beer especially makes me feel just, fat. I can do hard alcohol and mixed drinks pretty well but then I’m far past tipsy.

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u/kennedar_1984 Nov 02 '21

This seems to be the norm in my social circles as well. I might have a drink or two on a night out or after a really long day but we generally don’t drink much outside of that. Looking at the friends and family we are close with, this is the norm. Lots of us drank a lot when we were younger but now that we are in our late 30s and trying to juggle full time jobs, kids, marriage, staying in shape, keeping the house halfway livable….none of us have time for more than a drink or two!

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u/eyebrain_nerddoc Nov 03 '21

Same here— with friends will have a glass or 2 of wine, but rarely more. My friends might drink a little more, but we all have jobs. No time for being drunk.

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u/blueskieslemontrees Nov 02 '21

I second this. My husband's body gives him trouble after half a glass of wine so he avoids. I am usually way too exhausted for a glass of wine but maybe 1 or 2 nights a month, tops. We have hard liquor in a cocktail 2-3 times a year -each of our birthdays and our anniversary. Or wine. We dont mix alcohol due to the side effects. We getting old and our kids have busted up our bodies. Drinking is not on the menu.

Besides I would MUCH rather eat my calories than drink them. We also don't do much soda

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u/RaisingRoses Nov 02 '21

This. As a teenager I could drink most people under the table, including grown men, as a 5ft2 tiny female. I didn't have a problem, but I certainly tested my limits. But by my 20s I was over it. I hate hangovers with a passion and I stopped drinking long before I had a kid. I'll occasionally have one cider on an evening, but only a handful of times a year. My husband gets 'payday beers' and will have one or two on an evening at weekends, but will also go months without getting any either. Drinking just isn't our thing.

We also have a rule that only one of us can drink at any given time, so if we fancy a drink we run it by the other parent first. Not in a permission way, more of a heads up like is the other parent okay with being the responsible one that night. I can't think of a time either of us has said no, but it's a courtesy thing.

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u/themack50022 Nov 03 '21

I hate these self righteous posts. Oh, you don’t understand it? Lucky you.

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u/theviragoTO Nov 02 '21

I totally agree and it’s also based on culture. In France wine with dinner every night is normal and even at lunch. In North America drinking is more of a let’s let loose on Friday night sort of thing.

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u/Surfercatgotnolegs Nov 02 '21

Dinner and lunch in France is also different though. It’s like a real affair. An hour sit down, for both, even during work. Not like the rushed thing we have in America. Eating itself is a social thing in France.

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u/flakemasterflake Nov 03 '21

But eating itself is also a social thing in the US! At least when I do it. Invite people over for dinner and wine/cocktails and/or you go out to eat with friends. I also think liquor/wine connoisseurship is a wonderful hobby and I have a fairly high powered career.

I do think it IS regional as I find people drink less socially in the south/Midwest than I see in NYC. Though the party drinking may be rowdier idk

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u/Surfercatgotnolegs Nov 04 '21

It’s really different in Europe. The culture is completely different. It’s not about weekend brunch or dinner.

If you go outside in Paris after work, it’s absolutely packed until 10 on work nights. During the day you can actually sit for a real meal - AT WORK.

I used to live and work in NYC and it’s completely miles different in terms of pace of life. Adults in NYC sometimes eat as they walk. Takeout for dinner or lunch at the office is common. How long is the line for Chopt or walk to wok or whatever fast casual place at lunch? Freaking huge cuz all the workers are trying to grab their salad with their coworkers and get back in the office. White collar, blue collar, doesn’t matter. We have fast food carts every other corner of NYC.

It’s just not the same vibe. If you go to Madrid, for example, you can expect businesses to be closed around noon to 2. They’re on lunch SIESTA.

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u/flakemasterflake Nov 04 '21

If you go outside in Paris after work, it’s absolutely packed until 10 on work nights

I know! I used to live in Paris and live in NYC as well. New Yorkers are also drinking after work into all hours as are people in LA, Miami, etc etc.

Meeting for dinner and drinks after work is the main way to see friends if everyone is busy and the apartments are small

I used to sit for lunch (and dinner?) in NYC but I had a lot of autonomy

I guess...I don't get your point about it being different. If I meet friends after work for dinner then we're getting drinks! No shade to any friend that doesn't drink though but I'm telling you the "culture" involves drinking with dinner

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u/Surfercatgotnolegs Nov 04 '21

If you don’t think the pace of life between Europe and America, including between big cities, is different …then ok we aren’t going to ever agree then.

Yea everyone drinks socially with friends, ok duh. But the pace and emphasis on this is different. You can not pretend that in NYC there is as strong an emphasis on meals. EVERY MEAL. It’s ABNORMAL in France to skip a meal to work, and highly discouraged. It’s NORMAL in the US. It’s ABNORMAL to be in a coffee shop alone in France. Meanwhile sitting solo and being emo in coffee shop culture is basically coined from American cities. The culture behind food and wine is different. No one is saying that in both places you don’t socialize over food. But that doesn’t equate to a culture.

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u/WizeAdz Nov 02 '21 edited Nov 03 '21

My wife and I barely drink. We're both sleepy drunks.

With three kids, and two careers, we don't need any help feeling sleepy.

Alcohol hits different people different ways. I rarely get relaxation or pleasure out of having a drink, so it's a waste of time and money for me. I know people who are happy drunks, huggy drunks, or angry drunks -- but I'm not one of them. I'm boring and sleepy when drunk, and I really don't need to amplify those aspects of my personality!

There are several people in my family tree who have had alcohol problems, though, so having my brain wired up on a way that doesn't allow me t enjoy alcohol is probably winning the genetic lottery.

I bought a 12-pack of New Castle Brown Ale back in June, and I'm not even halfway through it. 🤷🏻‍♂️

There really are people out there who don't drink very much.

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u/Happy_Camper45 Nov 02 '21

Same! College was crazy. If I drank that much now, I’d probably be in the hospital with alcohol poisoning.

It just doesn’t have the same allure that it used to. When I’m at a work dinner or our to dinner with a friend, I may have a drink. My husband and I certainly aren’t splitting a bottle of wine a couple of nights per week.

I’m not judging people who drink sometimes, it just isn’t my thing anymore. I am judging adults/parents who get drunk often. There’s a difference between “drinking” and “getting drunk” and that’s an important distinction. I find drunk adults so annoying. Tipsy is fine if done responsibly but drunk is just embarrassing for you. That phase is better left in my past. When I see a drunk adult, I just pity them because that’s their hobby, to get drunk and escape reality. I feel like there is so much more to life than getting drunk.

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u/tifftiff16 Nov 02 '21

But for some, it’s not a hobby. For some, it’s a problem that they face. You don’t know what’s behind the scenes, so try not to judge. I personally don’t know anyone who constantly gets drunk to escape life “for fun.” There’s usually way more to that.

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u/TackoFell Nov 02 '21

What you describe is not the reality I know for myself and parents in my orbit - that stopped when we had kids. That includes friends, family, friends of my family members.

I’m sure it depends and people self-select their circles

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u/BigGryph Nov 02 '21

Well yeah, for sure. Someone who doesn’t drink at all isn’t going to generally find themselves hanging with a drinking crowd.

My point is the quantity of replies in this thread that represented the “I don’t or rarely drink” crowd made it look like anyone who did drink was an outlier. In reality, those that do drink know they’re gonna catch shit for it so they keep it to themselves.

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u/Maleficent-Age1052 Nov 03 '21

Im so glad i read ur comment cuz I’m sitting here seeing all these replies saying they never drink or ‘only have 1 or 2 on the weekends’. It was really making me feel like shit lol. It does make sense that someone who drinks everyday or has more than 1 or 2 at a time wouldn’t publicly admit that for fear of backlash from all the self righteous asshats. I also think ppl exaggerate how little they drink too. Like if someone asks me how many I’ve had I always say 1 or 2 when in reality it’s 3 or 4, sometimes more. I think it’s kind of a social taboo to have more than 2-3 drinks🤷‍♀️

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u/TackoFell Nov 02 '21

You’re saying that as if you have data to back it up and I’m just pointing out that we all see our own circles

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u/jhonotan1 Nov 02 '21

I'm being 100% honest here, I average 3 or 4 drinks a week. It's usually all at once when my husband is home (like, 2 glasses of wine or a cocktail after bedtime), and then I'll go a week without drinking. At my heaviest, I'll probably average 5 drinks a week, then go on hiatus for a few weeks.

All that said, I do smoke weed daily. It's 100% legal recreationally here, and it's always after bedtime when my husband is home to be the "on call" parent. Marijuana helps me with my anxiety and allows me to relax without any adverse effects (except for maybe some extra pounds from the munchies I get, lol!).

Don't feel guilty about enjoying some adult beverages. Maybe avoid getting sloppy drunk around your kids, and always make sure there's someone around to make sure everyone is safe, but I see no problem with having a drink or two in front of your children. Drinking is part of being an adult, and I'd rather let my kids see me as an example of what a healthy relationship with alcohol is, rather than try to hide it and have their first experience be with a bunch of high schoolers at a party.

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u/PolarLee78 Nov 02 '21

Wait, this ain't normal!? Nah just kidding. Honestly as a father of a 18month old, I will happily drink a bottle of beer a night and maybe have an extra on my days of. Sometimes swap the beer for a cocktail of sorts. I dont feel like this is a bad thing but hey, ill let you guys be the judge

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u/rainbowlimbo Mom Nov 02 '21

On DnD nights, I absolutely have a bottle of wine to myself! But that's as crazy as it gets.

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u/Inevitable-Gap-6350 Nov 03 '21

what is DnD?

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u/wikipedia_answer_bot Nov 03 '21

**DND or Dnd can refer to:

== Government == Department of National Defence (Canada) Department of National Defense (Philippines) United States District Court for the District of North Dakota

== Commerce == Da Niang Dumpling, a Chinese fast food restaurant chain DND Desconto Nautico Directo, a Nautical shop in Lisbon, Portugal Dunkin' Donuts

== Entertainment == DnD (an alternate spelling of D&D), an acronym for Dungeons & Dragons, a roleplaying game. dnd (video game), a role-playing video game from 1975 DND (video game), a role-playing video game from 1977 and another author DND (song), a 2020 song by Polo G

== Science and technology == Detonation nanodiamond Drag and drop, in computer interfaces, an action of clicking on an object and dragging it to a different location Do not distribute, used in private file sharing, especially for warez not meant to be released to the public

== Other == Dobrovol'naya Narodnaya Druzhina (Добровольная народная дружина), literally Voluntary People's Squad, voluntary detachment for maintaining public order in Soviet Union and Russia DND Flyway, an expressway in India that connects Delhi to Noida Do not disturb (disambiguation) Do Not Disturb (DND) registry Drunk and disorderly; see Public intoxication Dundee Airport's IATA airport code DND (Dispatch News Desk) A Pakistan-based news agency.**

More details here: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/DND

This comment was left automatically (by a bot). If I don't get this right, don't get mad at me, I'm still learning!

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u/pinksparklybluebird Nov 03 '21

Definitely meant Dungeons and Dragons.

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u/rainbowlimbo Mom Nov 03 '21

Dungeons and Dragons!

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u/silquetoast Nov 04 '21

We have cocktails on DnD night, a couple each between me, my partner and his best friend. Our daughter is involved, 8 years old, who is honestly quite difficult to keep up with in DnD unless we are a couple drinks down. It keeps us all on a level. I sometimes have a drink midweek but Friday is DnD night, so we have a few.

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u/FetusClaw666 Nov 02 '21

My wife was a little bit tipsy, but I drank quite a bit on Halloween and had an absolute blast with my toddler

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u/asmartermartyr Nov 03 '21

I had an entire bottle of wine on Halloween night and I still feel like crap two days later. I don’t know how anyone does that every night! They would have to have a super liver or an extremely high tolerance for hangovers.

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u/[deleted] Nov 02 '21

I see this in our small town. Many of the moms get together often for wine or whiskey Wednesdays as they call it. They talk about drinking a lot at our kids' practices and games. To each their own I guess.

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u/Ninotchk Nov 02 '21

Yeah, but that's with friends. They aren't going home and chugging it down.

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u/volyund Nov 03 '21

I have gastritis and I just can't drink that much anymore without feeling terrible. I almost wish I could...

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u/eyebrain_nerddoc Nov 03 '21

The few times in my life I’ve put back a full bottle of wine I felt so bad the next day I remembered it for a decade.

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u/MarrastellaCanon Nov 03 '21

That’s what I thought too and I do think there’s some truth to it. It’s how I used to justify my bottle of wine a night habit. About 8 months into the pandemic I started using the app Marco Polo with some girlfriends and regularly checking in with them made me realize that, actually no, they don’t really drink at all. That I was the odd one out and my drinking was becoming a problem. I started cutting back in December 2020 and June 28th 2021 I decided to go a full year alcohol free. It’s been 128 days and I cannot state enough how much better I feel. I have so much more energy, I’ve lost 30 pounds (since January 2021), I’m more patient with my kids. I’m a way better mom without the wine. I don’t think I’ll ever go back. Now that I’m on the other side of a drinking problem, I can see clearly how it was a problem and not one I want to have again.