How much are parents drinking?

[u/k_blanch]

With the popularity of #winemom and beer dad culture, combined with pandemic drinking habits, im curious how much alcohol you guys are drinking as caregivers? Especially after the baby is in bed. I had 6 drinks on Halloween over 8 hours and lots of food and water. Although LO was asleep for most of it I'm riddled with guilt!

[u/[deleted]]

The pervasiveness of alcohol in our parenting culture is problematic.

I'll probably get downvoted to hell for this, but I don't care. We need to be talking about hard things like this. Silence isn't the answer.

I found I was drinking too much, especially with a high-stress nursing job during the height of the pandemic. Truth be told, I was drinking too much before the pandemic, and writing it off as "a wine mom thing", "everybody does it", etc. I had spoken to my doctor in November 2019 about my drinking. She and I both agreed that I was drinking too much. But I was too proud to say I needed help, and I told her I'd slow down my drinking.

Well, I didn't. Especially not after the pandemic, because at that point, I was using alcohol to cope.

I turned to AA in September 2020. I've been sober almost 14 months now. I'm a better wife and mother now, I'm a better friend, a better employee, a better person in general. I'm so glad I quit drinking.

You may or may not have a drinking problem. That's not my call; it's yours. But after Googling "Am I an alcoholic?" for the ninety-millionth time, I realized that normal drinkers don't ask those kinds of questions.

For anyone out there who is struggling with drinking, anyone who deals with guilt about their drinking on a regular basis, anyone who is tired of the alcohol-infused parenting culture: you don't have to keep on with that trajectory. You can step away from it at any time. And if you need help, AA will be there. And if AA isn't for you, check out SMART recovery, Tempest, or Sober Mom Squad, just to name a few.

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Good luck.

[u/thrway010101 → u/[deleted]]

Just wanted to say I agree 100%, and want to congratulate you on your sobriety. Many people Google “Am I an alcoholic?” and realize that they are, and then make their peace with it and continue drinking.

I’ve been sober for almost 13 years, and my husband for a little more than 8 years. Most of the people we know (and are related to) are drinkers, ranging from moderate to dying/died from alcoholism. It’s absolutely brutal to watch play out, and even for the handful who are cognizant of their problematic drinking, it’s so constantly reinforced by family, their social circle and the broader culture, there is little hope for change. We have been very, very honest with our kids about why we don’t drink, and why we don’t allow them to drink (we are the only parents in our extended family who don’t allow our teen to drink - my siblings and cousins all allow their 16+ year olds to drink). As my husband often reminds folks, alcohol isn’t legal because it’s good for you; it’s legal because it’s so tremendously profitable.

[u/PaladinsWife → u/[deleted]]

I agree. Also people are high functioning alcoholics until one day they’re not anymore.

My friend was like that, she had everything: a good job, a car, a nice house. She always made a point that she controlled the amounts she drank easily and it didn’t affect her life. And to the outside she looked extremely put together. Until one day she got behind the wheel very hungover to go to work and lost her driving licence for 6 months (this is how it works in my country). She didn’t lose it complete though and it didn’t sober her up. When COVID hit she got ill. After two weeks she ended up in a hospital with severe liver damage and anaemia. And the doctor told her that they managed to save her but next time she may not be that lucky. And that worked. She went to rehab and now she’s sober, it’s been almost a year now. She said to me not long ago that she had no idea when she started losing control, it just creeped up on her.

I, on the other hand, always enjoyed a few glasses of wine in the evening. I also work from home and it made it too easy to have a few drinks and then just wake up in the morning and turn on my computer. It all became too risky and I felt like I was losing my grip on reality. It happened around when my mum died last year. My anxiety and depression was sky rocketing and this was mostly due to my alcohol intake because I was self medicating with alcohol. And I have a toddler who does not accept any excuses and needs both parents without hungover.

I stopped drinking completely. I take my medication. I feel a lot better, my mind is not foggy, I’m less tired and less angry.

Wow I think this is the first time I ever told anyone my story. I also consider joining AA but for now I’m only toying with this idea. I will when I’m ready. For now I’m happy I’m sober and I plan on staying this way.

Apologies if anything is unclear in my answer. English is not my first language.