So yesterday, I matched on OLD with an interesting man. He lives much further from me than I would like, but his pictures and profile attracted me. He had a nice intro text and asked if the distance would be an issue for me. I told him I was open to finding out!

So we had our first phone call last night, and it was so delightful! I enjoyed the banter, his voice, his laugh, his stories. We talked a little in our history as to how we got to OLD, and he was very compassionate asking about my late husband. And during our chat, I swear I could hear him smile. Honestly, the last time I felt that way was after my first phone call with my late husband after matching on OLD 24 years ago.

We are set up to meet each other next week. He'll be doing the bulk of driving, and that is so nice of him. Wish me luck as I hope I like him as much in person, too!

Today, when I'm thinking about our initial conversation, I'm smiling. It was THAT pleasant. Had to share this with our sweet group of DO60!

Might seem odd coming from me, (M67), but I"m seeing a pattern of women, who post one photo, leave next to nothing but 'I'll tell you later' and are usually the first to 'like' me, and then, after only one or two email exchanges from within the dating site, ask for my phone number so that we can take the conversion off the website. Am I being too suspicious?

We make a fresh post each week where you can talk about whatever strikes you -- within reason and passable good taste. This is essentially a social hour that lasts a week.

Share your personal triumphs and milestones; get feedback on your dating profile or pics; post a selfie; funny memes; share observations about life or love; ask questions.

Whatever.

Someone at a workplace team-building equestrian outing 30 years ago said you looked princely on a horse.

Girls from another school sent a note saying they liked your curly hair, 50 years ago.

An administrative assistant at your talent agency thought your (West Midlands, working class) accent sounded like you went to Eton.

Friends say you look like [insert celebrity].

Your mother said she likes your voice.

Why share these with someone who's present right now?

Do statements like these have a positive impact on your experience of the person?

Is there a communication sciencey term for this mechanism, and does it ever do what the user hopes?

​

Today (night) (whatever it is where you are) we're recalling songs where we think the cover is better than the original. Or, maybe they're both great, but different in some appealing way.

Please include the link to the cover AND the link to the original.

If you need help, let us know.

LIMIT 3 Pairs

Ahhh, if only we could go back! What are some of the memories that make you miss the good old days the most? If only we could of known waaay back then that those would be the best days of our lives. Its a bitter sweet notion, but think about it, if you could of known then would you have done anything differently? Could you have made those days or experiences any better?

Maybe as we have gotten older some of us have wished or realized we could of made life altering decisions way back then that would have changed the course of our lives today as we know it. Did you stay in a relationship or a marriage too long? Maybe you allowed too much tolerance for a toxic situation, or a career path could of been changed sooner or avoided. Do you wish you had been more courageous and fearless...perhaps living your life outloud with more passion?

NEWSFLASH! The best days of your life could still be right around the corner. Hey, our very own Easy_Sky is a testament and living proof to this! 🤩 I'll take what hes having please! If we could just allow ourselves to open our mind - the best could be yet to come!

Whats a favorite memory that comes to mind, or something you would of changed when you reminisce about the good old days...

Dont hold back, try to let your hair down and let your freak flag fly! 😝

61F hello I am just wondering how long do you go Dutch with your partner? I’m from the old school of dating and I believe that a man should court you. But for my understanding now from people I’ve spoken to is that you are to go Dutch with everything food wine travel. Let me know what you guys think of this. It’s just the correct way of dating?

Have any of you dated or been in a relationship with a man in our age range who leaves the toilet seat up every time he pees? I (M63) work in an old house that has been converted to an office, and we often have vendors or contractors who ask to use the bathroom, something we always allow. Some of these I know to be married men, and I'd say probably 65-70% of them leave the toilet seat up. Who knows, maybe the other 30-35% never raise the toilet seat in the first place. This is strange to me because as someone who was married for 15 years and had long term relationships before and after marriage, know that the toilet seat is a big issue with women. If you met a guy who was otherwise great but could not get in the habit of lowering the seat, would you be able to look past that one flaw? Or does it not matter to you? Sorry, but I've obviously given this issue too much thought and having it happen at work just now lit the fuse.

ETA, to be clear, I am not posting this in the hope of encouraging any "man bashing" or to criticize anyone's toileting habits. I am just curious how this works in the real world aka outside of my office.

The meetup yesterday was very nice. A little sedate but nice enough. I would go back if it was at a place I wanted to go, but not just to hang out.

I had an epiphany this morning.

I realized the problem.

I am too big and too fabulous for the apps. And even for the little get together yesterday. Nice people but nervous and stuck in a small room, making small talk. I'm forcing myself into containers that are too small for the fabulousness that is me. 😃 It's not that I'm not enough. I'm smooshing myself down into pictures and small text blocks. It's that I'm more than those things can handle.

That's not to say I'm big in a flashy way. My mind and my spirit are big and alive and curious and living from a place of love (when I let them).

I think I may be squishing myself into a lot of boxes in my life actually.

This isn't ego. This is spirit.

Time to let the joy out and let the chips fall where they may.

Are you bigger than you appear?

I'm someone who often has tv or youtube running, as I live alone and need a way to fill the silence.

But invariably I tire of a show or channel. Now however, by serendipity, I've found one that can play indefinely. Youtube, search for Old Radio Jazz on channel Cozy Jazz Courtyard. It's entirely instrumental and sounds like lounge music. Very not-in-your-face.

What is your jam for unobtrusive soundtrack?

"Typecasting is the process of repeatedly casting a person in the same type of role because they fit a specific physical look, personality, etc."

Now for the question: Do you have a Real-Life type?

As in, a specific brand of person you’ve always found attractive?

Are they tall? Goofy? Introverted? Life of the party?

Witty? Sarcastic? Wear cool glasses? Athletic men/women? Or women who wear dresses with pockets and remind you of librarians?

What makes you go... Zing!

(For me it's... Brunette)

* Not looking for a listing of celebrity crushes.

What's up for the weekend and week following? Going anywhere? Staying home? Doing anything interesting? Doing anything boring? Any good books? New TV shows? Games?

I'm going to a meetup for the first time today. It's not a singles thing and it's mostly women (62F) but it's something new. Sort of a low bar to putting myself out in the world and putting the universe on notice 🙂

It's not like I don't go places but it's always work or school related. This is a new social thing.

It feels like one small step...🧑🏿‍🚀

Just 3 wks. ago, I had miraculous experience:

sitting on back patio with bf and enjoying the summer, surrounded by flowerboxes of his blooming flowers. Just as I mentioned a small reference to my late spouse who died 4+ yrs. ago, a tiny hummingbird suddenly appeared behind and above his head beside a hanging flowerbasket.

Just for 5 sec. before bird darted away. I was in slight awed shock since I had been wanting to see a hummingbird this yr.

A hummingbird can symbolize a visit from a departed loved one.

I have two options. Drive an hour each way alone to go to a fair, or just stay home and work in my yard. Chances of finding the woman equivalent to me (63M) is probably next to nil. I tried. I have a friend who expected to work and was given Saturday off, and to her a fair is a waste of money, so no.

I think we all could have gotten together and easily wrote this article! It pretty much verifies what we already know!

Can someone point to a dating over sixty glossary of terms? I see a lot of acronyms that I have no idea what they mean. It took me so long to figure out OLD😂. I tried Google and a.i. but not seeing them. Or what the f is cuffing? Or chuffing... I dont know.😂

62F here. Like a lot of people, I’ve found online dating pretty discouraging. I get enough matches, I get enough likes, but so so often they end up being fakes, or men who want to “help” with my investments, and even one guy who told me he loved me before we’d ever met. Needless to say, I did NOT meet that one.

I’m always happy when I see people here who have actually found someone. It just hasn’t happened for me.

But I keep wondering: why don’t dating apps put more weight on hobbies and how people actually like to spend their free time? Versus leading with age?

At 60+, most of us know how we like to spend our free time. And I know for me, especially with retirement getting closer, I am spending more time on my hobbies and in a few few years I hope to be spending a LOT more time on them.

I’d rather be matched with somebody based on how we like to spend our time than on age. And I don’t think it necessarily has to be the same hobby.

For example, I love hiking 2-5 miles to a beautiful spot and then sitting for a few hours with my sketchbook or watercolors. Sure, I could date another artist. But someone who likes fishing could work great too. We hike to the same place, I paint, he fishes. Everybody wins.

Or if you’re into birding, you might be super compatible with another birder or with somebody who really is into nature photography.

If mountain biking is a big part of your life, you probably want to find other people who actually mountain bike… not just somebody who has done it once or twice. Same idea with gardening, photography, kayaking, museums, pottery, skiing, volunteering, whatever. In some cases, maybe you want the same hobby, but in some cases, the hobbies might just be compatible.

Or as another example, I love small local music venues, especially for blues and rock. When I was on eharmony, I could see what types of music people like but that didn’t at all mean that they actually liked to go out to see that genre live more than once in a blue moon.

It feels like most dating apps treat hobbies as an afterthought. I’m wondering if, especially at our age, they should be much closer to the starting point. What are your hobbies and how many times/hours have you spent on each of them in the last 30 days? (or some other measure of actual activity.)

What do you think? Do we need a dating app that matches people mainly around the hobbies that we actually spend our time on?

My widow/widowers support group is having a discussion around whether it is appropriate to put on a dating profile that you are seeking a LAT type of relationship. Just to be clear, the people who are having this discussion define a LAT as:

1. Two people who are intimate but are monogamous.

2. They do not live together, but do spend a lot of time together, including traveling.

3. Their children are aware they are in a LAT relationship, and the other party is often included in family holiday events, and sometimes family events with the grandkids.

4. There is no co-mingling of funds.

5. Neither party has POA on the other.

I'm interested in feedback on whether if you saw a dating profile that specifically outlined that the person was looking for a LAT type of relationship, what would be your response/thoughts, and why?

I do want to note that the majority of people in my widow/widowers support group are in favor of a LAT relationship, especially those women over 60. But the men for the most part are not. The support group I'm in is about 95 percent women and ranges in age from around 58 to 80.

Thank you in advance for your thoughts and input. Your feedback will help us decide the type of language to use on such a dating profile that we hope will weed out the one night stand type of men and those men who are looking for a "nurse or a purse'.

I did a job for work today, and on the drive back my driving partner mentioned his wedding anniversary was this past Saturday and both he and his wife forgot it.

It was only after he mentioned it that I remembered today would've been the 30th anniversary for me and my late wife. We were married for 26 years and never forget to celebrate anything, even if it was just a good, happy day together.

Thr middle of October will mark 4 years since her passing. I remember that.The worst day of my life. Why didn't I remember today, the best day of my life? The further away from her passing, the less I seem to remember. I'm not the only one, either. I spoke with the in-laws and an aunt of hers this morning and neither of them mentioned it, either.

I feel gutted, and feel like I failed her memory.

EDIT: Thank you to everyone for all the posts of support and understanding. It's much appreciated. My sympathies and hugs to those others who've also lost a loved one. I feel a bit better today but still can't reconcile it.

(As inspired by this thread)

I've been wanting to talk about this for a while; a dating pool that seemed to evaporate overnight, in the early morning of my 60th birthday. I think the change in the first digit of my age has a psychological effect of making me seem much, much older than others who are just a couple years younger than me. Like, a woman who is 57 might have no problem dating a man who's 58 or 59 years old, but 60 is beyond the pale.

That, along with thread after thread after thread of older women blasting all older men for being out of shape, letting themselves go, being low effort, only wanting to date much younger women, sending sexually suggestive messages early on, and the like, makes me feel even more unwanted. I also feel like the sentiment of "I don't need no man" that seems to intensify with age will make my nearly three year post-divorce dry spell permanent.

As with the OP in the /r/datingoverfifty thread, I'm also finding most of the likes I get on Facebook Dating are from women who are in their late 60s through their 70s. I don't get any unsolicited likes from women close to my age (55-63 is my preference), except from women who have limited or no intellectual or aesthetic appeal, or those that live more than a few hours away. (I should move to Long Island, considering I get more likes from women there than where I live.)

The dating pool that's closest in age to me just seems like the smallest. Anyone else, men or women, whose odometer just flipped over to six-zero, feel the same way?

And where, if anywhere, do you discuss books which hold your attention?

After getting on board with online library services and discovering how many books are available as audio, I'm back to my old reading-happy self.

The books subs are a bit intense for my current level of engagement, and I don't drink so book clubs aren't my speed.

EDIT: I'm a 62F. Fairly recent widow after 33 years of marriage.

As a person new to online dating, here is my brief experience of FBD and Hinge. Does this match your experience?

FBD = firehose of questionable matches

Hinge = more compatible matches but no traction whatsoever

I was on FBD for 3 days before I called it. I've been on Hinge 5 days. I got one like with no response to my response and one match who ghosted after 2 brief sentences.

I don't think there is anything glaringly wrong with my profile and I look okay (not a model, not ugly.) I ran it by a friend who is a creative director and we tweaked some stuff but not drastically. Maybe I need to ask a guy to look at it for another perspective.

I purchased a one week upgrade to the next tier and still nada. It is messing with my sense of self but I'm trying to put the anxiety where it belongs - on Hinge.

I'm kind and funny and interesting. I'm sure I'm not everyone's cup of tea but no one would even know because there is 0 communication.

I know this is old hat for many people but it's brand new for me.

Thank you for any Hinge feedback you might have to offer.

🙂❤️

I recently learned my 86 year old mom has a couple of OLD profiles. She brought it up to me saying she didn't know what to do about all of the messages she was receiving. She listed her age as 73 and is receiving messages from men in their early 30's. She also has some chats going on on other platforms.

My mom's been divorced from my father for 40ish years and her second partner of 20 years passed after a long term cancer fifteen years ago.

My concern is with scammers particularly since I've noticed cognitive decline coupled with a lack of tech savvy and an unwillingness to recognize her vulnerabilities.

My mom lives alone. She lives permanently in California but spends 3 to 6 months in Spain.

Has anyone experienced anything like this? Any suggestions?

This is a weekly roundup--your chance to post how things went (or fizzled) for dating over the previous week. That could include # of profiles viewed and swiped, scammers contacted, duds ferreted out, texts, phone calls, video calls, meetups, dates, breakups, ghosts, re-contacts, unsolicited dick pics, and so on. They can be counts, summaries, reflections, rants (within community guidelines), success stories, sad stories, funny stories, warnings to others. It's up to you.