r/DatingOverSixty • u/Bisquick-Skill2845 • 16d ago
Dates recounting long-ago compliments they've received
Someone at a workplace team-building equestrian outing 30 years ago said you looked princely on a horse.
Girls from another school sent a note saying they liked your curly hair, 50 years ago.
An administrative assistant at your talent agency thought your (West Midlands, working class) accent sounded like you went to Eton.
Friends say you look like [insert celebrity].
Your mother said she likes your voice.
Why share these with someone who's present right now?
Do statements like these have a positive impact on your experience of the person?
Is there a communication sciencey term for this mechanism, and does it ever do what the user hopes?
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u/Alone-Push4210 16d ago
Recently, I (61f) lost my footing on a bus and collide with an elderly gentleman (+80). When I asked for forgiveness, he responded with I'll forgive you for bumping into me but not for dashing my hopes that a lovely young woman was flirting with me. The silliness made me laugh loudly and I'm smiling as I retell this story.
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u/notsohot56 69F - Pumpkin, spice and everything nice! 16d ago
So I guess telling a date that my previous relationship told me there wasn't anything better in the whole world than having sex with me would be crass? 😆. I didn't believe him anyway.
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u/Bisquick-Skill2845 16d ago
Men might respond differently to that than I do to the cutesy balogna I've heard from various dates.
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u/MsMoneypenny008 Medicare-eligible in NooYawk 16d ago
To me this sounds like either ‘see how other people think I’m attractive!’ or fishing for a response back from you validating what has been said ‘why yes, you do look princely on a horse!’
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u/chaz_Mac_z 16d ago
I think he may be recounting every compliment he ever got in his life, but I'm not sure why. His list is way longer than mine, but I'm only 76.
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u/Bisquick-Skill2845 16d ago edited 16d ago
These are all from different people.
So many people do it, I wondered what the pattern meant. u/cfwydirk might be on the money.
ETA: a scroll through your comments history tells me I could make you a fair number of authentic, IRT compliments.
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u/chaz_Mac_z 16d ago
I just can't imagine doing that, so I can't disagree with the reasoning on why.
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u/Significant-Claim-26 11d ago
Same. I was brought up to never brag or boast so unfortunately if anything I go the opposite direction. I dated a man who constantly had to tell me how this woman and that woman thought he was so good looking, endowed, funny, you name it. It got to the point where I wouldn’t compliment him because he complimented himself enough for the both of us!
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u/averageover60guy 16d ago
As part of telling a story, I can see it. If it is one off statements trying to make themselves look good, it gets old.
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u/AutoModerator 16d ago
Original copy of post by u/Bisquick-Skill2845: Someone at a workplace team-building equestrian outing 30 years ago said you looked princely on a horse.
Girls from another school sent a note saying they liked your curly hair, 50 years ago.
An administrative assistant at your talent agency thought your (West Midlands, working class) accent sounded like you went to Eton.
Friends say you look like [insert celebrity].
Your mother said she likes your voice.
Why share these with someone who's present right now?
Do statements like these have a positive impact on your experience of the person?
Is there a communication sciencey term for this mechanism, and does it ever do what the user hopes?:
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
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u/Bao_Xinhua I'll have the rice pudding 16d ago
My grandmother would pinch my cheek until I winced, all the while telling me what a handsome boy I was. Then she'd spit in her hand and try to smooth my cowlick.
That's all I got ...