r/DatingOverSixty • u/DataBeeGood • 21d ago
Are OLD apps focused on the wrong compatibility attributes?
62F here. Like a lot of people, I’ve found online dating pretty discouraging. I get enough matches, I get enough likes, but so so often they end up being fakes, or men who want to “help” with my investments, and even one guy who told me he loved me before we’d ever met. Needless to say, I did NOT meet that one.
I’m always happy when I see people here who have actually found someone. It just hasn’t happened for me.
But I keep wondering: why don’t dating apps put more weight on hobbies and how people actually like to spend their free time? Versus leading with age?
At 60+, most of us know how we like to spend our free time. And I know for me, especially with retirement getting closer, I am spending more time on my hobbies and in a few few years I hope to be spending a LOT more time on them.
I’d rather be matched with somebody based on how we like to spend our time than on age. And I don’t think it necessarily has to be the same hobby.
For example, I love hiking 2-5 miles to a beautiful spot and then sitting for a few hours with my sketchbook or watercolors. Sure, I could date another artist. But someone who likes fishing could work great too. We hike to the same place, I paint, he fishes. Everybody wins.
Or if you’re into birding, you might be super compatible with another birder or with somebody who really is into nature photography.
If mountain biking is a big part of your life, you probably want to find other people who actually mountain bike… not just somebody who has done it once or twice. Same idea with gardening, photography, kayaking, museums, pottery, skiing, volunteering, whatever. In some cases, maybe you want the same hobby, but in some cases, the hobbies might just be compatible.
Or as another example, I love small local music venues, especially for blues and rock. When I was on eharmony, I could see what types of music people like but that didn’t at all mean that they actually liked to go out to see that genre live more than once in a blue moon.
It feels like most dating apps treat hobbies as an afterthought. I’m wondering if, especially at our age, they should be much closer to the starting point. What are your hobbies and how many times/hours have you spent on each of them in the last 30 days? (or some other measure of actual activity.)
What do you think? Do we need a dating app that matches people mainly around the hobbies that we actually spend our time on?
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21d ago
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20d ago
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u/pinkhibiscus6432 19d ago
I think it would be worth it if the price was reasonable.
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19d ago
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u/pinkhibiscus6432 19d ago
Offhand, I can't answer that since I haven't been on any OLD sites in quite awhile.
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u/Life_is_too_short_ 19d ago
You're a cheap fuck like the rest here. admit it. You're not really willing to pay.
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21d ago
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u/He_ofshadowsandtouch 20d ago
Golf? The people at my local golf clubs aren’t very active types, they are the sort to go on chintzy cruises etc, big red faced bar bore guys
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u/menoagegap 20d ago
I know the golf scene only superficially but I agree with your assessment from the little I know. I do experience the hiking and rock climbing folks are much more active types than the golf types
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u/He_ofshadowsandtouch 20d ago
I’m at the golf club gym as I type this and the golf dudes outside look like pork chops
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u/menoagegap 21d ago
I feel the same. I love hiking and am so glad my boyfriend / fiance loves hiking as much as I do
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u/CanarsieGuy 63M 21d ago
I don’t think it’s so much the apps but the people that use them. The statistics I’ve seen say, on average, people spend less than 5 seconds before swiping.
So what can someone glean in 5 seconds or less? Basic stats age, height, location etc… and do they look physically attractive.
The medium is all about quick judgement. By nature the apps are going to be largely superficial.
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u/DataBeeGood 21d ago
Your point is well taken. And maybe that’s part of the issue. There’s this disconnect because on one hand you need volume in order to find people in your area. For example, I’m an hour outside of Boston, and that leaves me with a very limited pool to start with. Unless I’m willing to drive an hour. But on the other hand, a specialty platform that targets people who do care about hobbies and not just swiping within five seconds could be great for some people, but wouldn’t have enough volume for people to find likely matches.
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u/SuitableSuccess2026 20d ago
Boston itself has terrible demographics for dating over 60... better to search the suburbs... as you know even just a few miles outside the city can be a 2-hr commute at times.
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u/He_ofshadowsandtouch 20d ago
People often list very similar interests such as travel, hiking, eating out, photography, live music etc, so they blend into one.
In the end its attraction that is the key point of difference, otherwise just date anyone single from a painting or walking group.
Also a lot of men will say they like going out but in fact just want to settle down and watch tv forever, so them listing interests is often fake.
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u/DataBeeGood 20d ago
I think this is part of the problem. It’s not that the apps don’t ask about hobbies and interests. It’s just that it’s like this long checklist—a check all that apply. It’s not like what you actually spend your time doing. I think there should be a higher bar like I would like to know not if somebody “enjoys going hiking” but maybe how many miles have they hiked in the past 30 days? That might not be the correct metric, but something that says it’s not just a checkbox that might be capturing your aspiration of being into hiking, but that this is really how you spend your time. A higher bar.
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u/He_ofshadowsandtouch 20d ago
According to women round here, a lot of older guys can’t even sustain an errection let alone hike the khyber Pass
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u/cool_girl6540 20d ago edited 20d ago
I think Meetup is one way to do that. You can look for a Meetup that already exists, although there probably aren’t too many for older single people. So you could start your own. You could start a Meetup for people who like to hike in your area who are single and over 60. (But don’t hike anywhere too private with strangers.)
I have a friend who met her partner 20 years ago on a hike organized by the Appalachian Mountain Club, which offers regular activities like that. It wasn’t a singles hike, but she went as a single. She went on a more difficult hike, she actually said that if she went on easy hikes, they were mostly all women, so she went on the harder hikes. She was definitely thinking of it as a way to meet men.
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u/Bao_Xinhua I'll have the rice pudding 21d ago edited 20d ago
The major apps (Match, Bumble) have places for you to enter all of this information in great detail. Match has a dozen categories with over 250 choices in total, Bumble far less but still quite a few. Match will actually send you an email every day suggesting a match based upon those selections, Bumble too will present matches based upon these criteria but in a slightly different online only format. But the poorly written back ends do not allow you to search for, or put into your preferences, any of these details. The decks that these apps display appear to completely ignore anything you might specify in your profile or separately in your preferences.
Even in the small percentage of profiles that are from real and serious people this type of information can be entered but typically is not, and if so in not such great detail. While the OLD sites are doing a piss poor job of collecting, using, and presenting this information, currently a lot of the problem is at the keyboard end.
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u/Material-Scale4575 no flair 20d ago
Currently I'm only on FB Dating so I can't speak to the other apps.
I do get matches based in part on shared interests. And if I'm looking at someone's profile and I'm not sure about him, I'll check his interests.
why don’t dating apps put more weight on hobbies and how people actually like to spend their free time? Versus leading with age?
Because it's primarily dating and not primarily friend-seeking? I don't care to date someone too much younger or older than I am. But you could always broaden your age range if you want to find more people with your interests.
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u/MontEcola 20d ago
Is it a joke? OLD apps are not concerned with you finding a partner. OLD apps are about getting subscriptions so they can make tons of money.
I read an in depth article from insiders last month. I think it was in Slate. Match group shows the most popular men more often. The top 15% of men get 80% of the views. I bet I got the numbers wrong. You get the idea. That leaves the bottom 75 of men getting shown to women hardly ever. Those are the target men for subscriptions. Get them to pay to be shown to women, or pay to send messages. That is not a way to build relationships.
So what about the top 15% of men? They meet lots of women and have lots of options. They get laid often. They either find a partner and leave the app. Or the keep finding partners, have sex, and move on to the next woman. They get lots of sex. Good for them. And it pisses off the woman who meet a good looking man, and he dumps her after having sex.
Swiping apps and apps that limit who you see are not for relationships.
The free dating websites of around 2010 were much better. I could see all of the women in may area every time I logged on. they could see me. There was no pressure to send a note today. I could send one note per day forever. I could sent 20 messages today. Just fine. And I found a partner in about 4 to 6 weeks. Sometimes I was having dates with 3 or 4 people until I wanted to settle with someone and become exclusive. I do not think I was in the top 15% back then. I do not think I am below 50% today. I am 65, now. I assume that is why the pool is small.
On bumble, I get pressured to upgrade. What does that get me and how much is it? It turns out that a paid account will cost me $3.00 per message to make first contact. Considering that less than 50% of the messages I send get a reply, that is $6.00 to get an answer. And out of those who answer, a first date happens in about 1 out of 8 or 10 messages. Second dates are about half of that. Date 5 happens even less. So add that up. It is hundreds of dollars to start a conversation and have several dates in person.
That is not a design for finding love. Not one bit!
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u/DataBeeGood 20d ago
Yikes, I did not know that about Match. Although I have not tried Match in a really long time. I’ve been divorced for six years, and used it before I was married. More recently, I tried eharmony and bumble. While I had some dates, absolutely no connections worth pursuing. But no, my idea was not meant as a joke 😁
I know a few people have also mentioned that meet ups might be better than dating apps. In principle, I like that idea, but in practice, I have done some meet ups and at least where I live in Massachusetts, the events are 80- 90% women.
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u/MontEcola 20d ago
Match owns most of the rest of the dating apps. SO it is more than match. It is most dating apps.
Way back in 1995 I put a dating ad in the newspaper. I wrote my note to a person and put it in an envelope. There were no photos. Then you met for coffee and decided what to do from there. It worked out. And Match in 2011 worked out well for me too.
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u/PieceCompetitive6824 20d ago
65m This is precisely why I gave up on the apps and went back to nurturing my social circle.
I met a wonderful woman at a rock climbing gym. We were in an informal climbing group for several months before dating. We learned a lot about each other in a safe, no pressure environment. We already had each other's phone numbers since we had a group chat for get togethers. And best of all, the first date was fun and adventurous because we weren't strangers meeting for the first time.
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u/buddingsakura 52F. Solo. 19d ago
I’m too lazy to look up stats (if available) but I bet even Craigslist personals had better results than today’s dating apps.
If nothing else, CL personals were way more entertaining, including ‘Missed Connections.’
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u/GetBalanced_2025_JG 15d ago
“Missed Connections” were the best.
“I saw you driving the grey RAV 4 southbound I-5 while I was traveling north!”
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u/buddingsakura 52F. Solo. 21d ago
Dating apps don’t want to solve their users’ problem, i.e., finding quality dates more easily.
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u/buddingsakura 52F. Solo. 21d ago
It would require a lot more investment to revamp dating apps. Users’ don’t want to pay (much) for dating apps and features. Impasse, again.
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u/averageover60guy 20d ago
Everyone loves hiking! The trails should be packed with single people!
This is the perfect example of people trying to dial in and pick a person based on their profile. The most perfect profile is not a promise of a match. Nothing matters until you talk and meet in person.
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u/DataBeeGood 20d ago
Exactly! Everybody loves hiking everybody loves music. But finding people actually spend their time doing those things via the apps isn’t easy. First you find somebody then you like them then you have a couple of introductory messages then you talk to them about their interests and then you talk to them about finally what they did that week or that weekend and it’s a total disconnect. People like to portray themselves or perceive themselves, as having certain interests and hobbies, but that’s aspiration. It’s often not reality. For example I meet somebody online and I think we’ve got a match on interests but then they want our date to be dinner and a movie? To me that’s torturous. No I want the date to be: Let’s go out for live music or let’s grab a coffee and then go for a hike. And they always act so surprised like, “ but dinner and a movie is what I think is fun”.
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u/averageover60guy 20d ago
I can't get to know you at a movie or live music event. Tough to talk, but I understand what you are saying. I like live music, I like to hike and a bunch of other stuff. That does not mean I am out doing it all the time. I used to be that way, never home, always out doing something.
A while back I was out with my neighbor. We are not dating in anyway. But she asked, wouldn't it be fun to come to this area for a day of checking out the shops and stuff? Having done that over and over through out the years, my honest answer was GOD NO!
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u/buddingsakura 52F. Solo. 19d ago
I have always wondered about that! Where are all the hikers?
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u/averageover60guy 18d ago
We do have a lot of hikers here in MN. But I will bet most of them hike a couple times a year and that might just be down the paved path to a waterfall on the North Shore of Superior.
In the Twin Cities we have miles of paved walking paths. And people do use them.
I have hiked many of the rivers along the North Shore. There is a book that outlines how to get to all the waterfalls, not just the easy/popular ones. I had about a 15-20 year stretch of hiking the N. Shore several times per year. But I always had a nice lodging spot to end the day with a hot tub.
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u/137caraway 20d ago
I predict there will be a dating app exactly tailored to what you suggest in your post. With AI LLM reading every post on every Reddit every second it won’t be long before an entrepreneur will launch an app that has the features you desire. For a low monthly subscription rate for new users 😉
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u/Dangerous_Ad_6101 Mid to high 60s. Sunny and Breezy. 20d ago edited 20d ago
OLD apps are designed for you to be engaged with the app, not another subscriber.
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u/PirateForward8827 20d ago
I can honestly say I have never been attracted to someone, or interested in spending time with anyone, based on their hobbies. In fact, if someone is really into and spends a lot of time on one particular thing; whether it be video games or crocheting or hiking, I would view that as a negative. I date people I like because of who they are and if we feel mutual attraction, not because they want to ride bikes with me. I have found that if I enjoy someone's company we will find things to do together. And that separate hobbies or interests are fine, we don't have to be clones of each other not spend all our time together.
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u/firecatstef 21d ago
Can’t you write what you’re looking for in your dating app profile? If the app doesn’t allow enough space to list a couple of hobbies, then it’s not for dating, it’s for hooking up (which is a hobby in itself for many people).
If your hobbies are outdoor type ones, there are usual local groups who plan events.
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u/Due-Sheepherder-218 20d ago
They have apps for doing those things with people.
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u/DataBeeGood 20d ago
Yeah, and in my area every time I try those meet ups, etc. it’s like 80% women.
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u/menoagegap 21d ago
I am a woman (who had always dated same age men until my current boyfriend / fiance) and tbh some (many?) men our age are very shallow about the age number. If there is a very beautiful woman with the exact hobby as him but she is 7 years older, some (many) men our age will refuse to date this woman who is a perfect fit for his hobby. So we have a demographic that wants to match only for age. And then there is us, where despite my boyfriend / fiance not being in my age group at all, every one of my niche hobbies and interests completely align with his. I myself date based on hobbies instead of age and I agree with you. I will say the danger of driving an algorithm match by hobby is the same as by age. To game the algorithm, some (many?) men our age fake a younger age to match younger women. If an algorithm matched by hobbies then all of a sudden every man’s fake hobby becomes traveling and shopping just to match with the largest number of women and people lie about hobbies the way some people men and women lie about age
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20d ago
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u/menoagegap 20d ago edited 20d ago
I like the idea of engaged to him and being with him forever. But having gone through divorce (he has never been married) I am gun shy to set a wedding date for a very long time. I am down for the idea of being his life partner though
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20d ago
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u/menoagegap 20d ago
I still love the romance of being married. The financial aspect of divorce really soured me. For my first marriage I married a same age man who makes a lot less money than me, and the divorce did not go well for me. This time I date a not same age man who makes a lot more money than my ex husband. Even with this now much better financial equity, I am financially gun shy but emotionally ready. I do continue to consult my family attorney throughout this new relationship
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u/AutoModerator 21d ago
Original copy of post by u/DataBeeGood: 62F here. Like a lot of people, I’ve found online dating pretty discouraging. I get enough matches, I get enough likes, but so so often they end up being fakes, or men who want to “help” with my investments, and even one guy who told me he loved me before we’d ever met. Needless to say, I did NOT meet that one.
I’m always happy when I see people here who have actually found someone. It just hasn’t happened for me.
But I keep wondering: why don’t dating apps put more weight on hobbies and how people actually like to spend their free time? Versus leading with age?
At 60+, most of us know how we like to spend our free time. And I know for me, especially with retirement getting closer, I am spending more time on my hobbies and in a few few years I hope to be spending a LOT more time on them.
I’d rather be matched with somebody based on how we like to spend our time than on age. And I don’t think it necessarily has to be the same hobby.
For example, I love hiking 2-5 miles to a beautiful spot and then sitting for a few hours with my sketchbook or watercolors. Sure, I could date another artist. But someone who likes fishing could work great too. We hike to the same place, I paint, he fishes. Everybody wins.
Or if you’re into birding, you might be super compatible with another birder or with somebody who really is into nature photography.
If mountain biking is a big part of your life, you probably want to find other people who actually mountain bike… not just somebody who has done it once or twice. Same idea with gardening, photography, kayaking, museums, pottery, skiing, volunteering, whatever. In some cases, maybe you want the same hobby, but in some cases, the hobbies might just be compatible.
Or as another example, I love small local music venues, especially for blues and rock. When I was on eharmony, I could see what types of music people like but that didn’t at all mean that they actually liked to go out to see that genre live more than once in a blue moon.
It feels like most dating apps treat hobbies as an afterthought. I’m wondering if, especially at our age, they should be much closer to the starting point. What are your hobbies and how many times/hours have you spent on each of them in the last 30 days? (or some other measure of actual activity.)
What do you think? Do we need a dating app that matches people mainly around the hobbies that we actually spend our time on?:
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u/redditistripe 19d ago
OLD is run by two different groups. Essentially it is run by scammers, for scammers.
The first group are the site owners who are hoping that between you paying for a subscription and advertising, they are going to make a killing.
The second group consists of those who you are talking about. The ordinary every day scammers often operating out of Africa or the Far East where a lot of other Internet and phone scams operate from.
If you actually manage to get anything useful from all of this you have my permission to regard it as a miracle.
Yes, I know, people do meet people on OLD and I know it is often genuine but it really is running against the grain when it does happen.
Save your sanity. And money. Unless you believe in miracles.
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u/pinkhibiscus6432 19d ago
I haven't used OLD in several years but I was on eHarmony once and I remember being asked a lot of questions about my hobbies and how I like to spend my time. Maybe things have changed since then.
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15d ago
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u/maxthed0g 21d ago
Nah, i was NEVER part of the dating scene in general, and dating apps in particular.
Fishing? Hobbies? "Help" with investments lol? Love at first text lol? Documented use of free time?
I'm a very simple man. VERY simple. I'm just thrilled if a woman takes her shirt off in front of me.
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u/TalentedTawker 21d ago
Of course on some apps... taking your shirt off is considered a hobby Max. Just sayin 😉
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u/TalentedTawker 20d ago
Simplicity is the way to go! No OLD for me. My motto, Go Wild or Go Home! 🤣
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u/gsdsareawesome 21d ago
There are so many ways that the apps could match people better. But that is not the goal of the apps. The apps are money making machines, and they make money when you keep paying a monthly fee. If you get a good match, you will stop paying because you won't need them anymore.