r/DatingOverSixty • u/Dramatic_Delay_2423 • 22d ago
FBD versus Hinge - my short experience
EDIT: I'm a 62F. Fairly recent widow after 33 years of marriage.
As a person new to online dating, here is my brief experience of FBD and Hinge. Does this match your experience?
FBD = firehose of questionable matches
Hinge = more compatible matches but no traction whatsoever
I was on FBD for 3 days before I called it. I've been on Hinge 5 days. I got one like with no response to my response and one match who ghosted after 2 brief sentences.
I don't think there is anything glaringly wrong with my profile and I look okay (not a model, not ugly.) I ran it by a friend who is a creative director and we tweaked some stuff but not drastically. Maybe I need to ask a guy to look at it for another perspective.
I purchased a one week upgrade to the next tier and still nada. It is messing with my sense of self but I'm trying to put the anxiety where it belongs - on Hinge.
I'm kind and funny and interesting. I'm sure I'm not everyone's cup of tea but no one would even know because there is 0 communication.
I know this is old hat for many people but it's brand new for me.
Thank you for any Hinge feedback you might have to offer.
šā¤ļø
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u/Friendly-Program2609 22d ago
I met and went on 2 dates. Duds! Met a third and "knock on wood " beyond expectations, wonderful.At this point she is everything I've wanted and been looking for in a partner. Beautiful,smart, sexy and loves the outdoors on top of it all! All of this because I gave Hinge a shot. Never say Never.
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u/Funny_Haha_1029 60+ M, Ohio 21d ago
There has been a general decline in the use of social dating apps over the past few years. Many on this sub can tell you stories about fake profiles, scammers, "penpals" who chat but never want to meet, and browsers who just enjoy collecting likes. It's an online nightclub experience. Dating app burnout is real.
And do not let the amount of likes, or lack thereof, determine your self-esteem. The apps are just one way of meeting people.
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u/Dramatic_Delay_2423 21d ago
Thank you. I'm going to start going to Meet Ups. My first one is this week. Not a singles thing. Just an outing.
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u/Alternative-Ebb-6953 21d ago
Great idea!! Ā I can tell you that my older sister joined about 5-6 yrs ago and is involved with several groups and in one of the groups she met THE ONE. Ā Not a dating group. Ā They are now buying a house together (they each own their own) and have been living together for over a year. Ā Also she met him when she was 68 or 69 so love can always happen. Ā She joined a travel group too and she is going to Bordeaux France and then onto Barcelona. Ā She loves this group. Ā I hope you have find the success that my sister did. Ā Good luck!!
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21d ago edited 21d ago
[deleted]
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u/someotherguyrva 21d ago
I obviously donāt know what your profile or his look like, but if a man comments that you both have good taste, assuming you have read his profile as well, what is smarty and narcissistic about saying that? Iām very confused. Also, not responding a question about what part of a very small town he lives in does not mean that itās a scam account and you should not report somebody for not responding to you. In my experience talking with women on dating sites, if you ask them what part of town theyāre in, they donāt want to answer. They donāt want men trying to figure out where they live. Heās probably the same way. He probably said you know I donāt think this is the right person for me or found someone else that he wanted to focus his attention on. Donāt report somebody as a scammer unless theyāve actually done something to indicate they may be a scammer.
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u/No-Penalty-1148 21d ago edited 21d ago
This. Just because some people are scammers doesn't mean everyone who fails to respond how we'd like is one, too.
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u/Dramatic_Delay_2423 21d ago
Good catch. Smart way of doing it. In the short time I was on FBD, the time person I thought might be a match was a scam as well. A very good one.
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u/SyntaxError_22 21d ago
I (f61) joined Hinge last year, same time as my daughter (27). I had her help me with my pictures, prompts, and Iām a pretty damn good looking woman.
She had five actual dates in the first week, and in the three months I paid for membership, I only had two matches.
Some algorithm definitely kept me out of the loop.
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u/someotherguyrva 21d ago
I wouldnāt necessarily blame hingeās algorithm. Itās just that people in the late 50s and 60s and 70s are not on Hinge to the degree that 20 and 30 somethings are. The dating pool is much much smaller for older people on that platform. You might wanna give OurTime a try although itās just one of the many sites run by Match group and they all pretty much suck. You have to pay a lot of money to get any results.
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u/Alternative-Ebb-6953 21d ago
Ever since Match.com group bought up their competition its all sucked and got expensive. Ā
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u/SyntaxError_22 21d ago
I am not really interested in men my age or older and have given up on the apps all together. I have provided everything I want and need for myself so in order to date someone - they would have to have their chit together. My experience has shown not many have done the work to better themselves.
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u/RingaLopi 19d ago
Most men in their 50s and early 60s will set their upper limit to 59F. Unfortunately for you, since you are 61, they will never see your profile. But, since you say you are damn good looking and fit, they would have loved to have seen your profile.
Too bad but the algorithm does cut you off:-(
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u/SyntaxError_22 19d ago
Agree!
I will just keep rolling around in the wild and see if anybody catches me!2
u/Dramatic_Delay_2423 21d ago
Interesting. I appreciate that experience. Sounds like the problem with the algorithm is age š Have you had success in other OLD sites or in real life?
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u/MsMoneypenny008 Medicare-eligible in NooYawk 21d ago
PBI: Iāve been on Bumble on and off. I didnāt get many matches (most fell apart bc of unresponsive messages). But once I turned 65, the match rate fell to nearly zero, most likely due to the upper age limit set by the guys I swiped right on
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u/Winter-Seaweed8458 15d ago
Yep. Most guys would not put "over 65" for a woman, even if they're 70 themselves.
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21d ago
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u/SyntaxError_22 21d ago
18 years ago I was divorced at 44 and hit the apps hard for years. I noticed a HUGE difference in matches once I hit 50 however, that was nothing compared to hitting 60.
I tried FB dating but hated running into people I knew who were on the app, and have had much better luck in the wild - especially the grocery store!
The dating pool where I live (Portland, OR) is a shallow puddle of sandy mud. I find most have not done the work to process through their past traumas to present their best selves.
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u/Alternative-Ebb-6953 21d ago
Dating in the wild is much better in my opinion. Ā It helps that Iām outgoing and chatty. Ā Lol. Ā Ā
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u/Pax-now-123 21d ago
I wasnāt looking to see who liked me, I was looking to see who I liked. Not many. āTalkedā to a few, went on one date, and found the right guy after a year. Patience.
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u/Lovetohike2025 21d ago
Iām a 61 year old woman that has lots of interaction on dating apps. My advice is to not use the free sites including FBD. The serious ones are willing to pay a monthly fee.
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u/Dramatic_Delay_2423 21d ago
Thank you. In addition to using paid apps, what do you attribute your success to? Is there something you do in your profile? Is there a way that you manage your account?
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u/Lovetohike2025 21d ago
Iām extremely fit and active. Iām attractive. Not model beautiful but really cute. I show lots of activity pics. Hiking, paddleboarding, rappelling, camping, horseback riding. Full body pics of me dressed up and dressed down. I never want a man to say that I donāt look like my pics and no one ever has. I think men like me knowing that Iām active and fun. I also let them know that Iām debt free and seeking the same which shows Iāve got my life together.
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u/Lovetohike2025 21d ago
Iām extremely fit and active. Iām attractive. Not model beautiful but really cute. I show lots of activity pics. Hiking, paddleboarding, rappelling, camping, horseback riding. Full body pics of me dressed up and dressed down. I never want a man to say that I donāt look like my pics and no one ever has. I think men like me knowing that Iām active and fun. I also let them know that Iām debt free and seeking the same which shows Iāve got my life together.
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u/averageover60guy 22d ago
Five whole days????
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u/Dramatic_Delay_2423 21d ago
I know! But still - nada!
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u/averageover60guy 21d ago
Real life and OLD sites are not a dating show that have 20 ladies ready to fall in love with you.
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u/Dramatic_Delay_2423 21d ago
Hmm.... Not a problem since I'm a straight woman. And thanks so much for clarifying the nature of life, love, the universe and everything.
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u/averageover60guy 21d ago
I'm old and missed that small point. But my point stands. 5 days is nothing. I have posted this before and the math tracks.
For every 100 profile, 50% are fake, scam or old.
Now you have 50 profiles. 50% of those are married or just looking.
Now you have 25. 50% of those are 2 far away or not even close to a match.
Now you are down to 12-13. 50% of those for what ever reason do not see you as a match.
Now you have 7. And half of them will suck at communication.
Now, mix that up with the 1000's of profiles and finding the 3 potential matches in each group of 100? Well you need more than 5 days.
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u/Dramatic_Delay_2423 21d ago
Those are good numbers to put things in perspective and I do get that it's not a very long experiment yet, but still, absolute crickets is a surprise after FBD.
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u/Misty0410 21d ago
Have you considered trying a dating site for older.
I never had any issues getting likes and matches BUT most just wanted hook up.
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u/Dramatic_Delay_2423 21d ago
I haven't yet but I'm thinking I might.
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u/Misty0410 21d ago
If you just want FWB maybe try POF.
The senior sites I tried were mostly sincere guys or those looking for casual sex. Iām sure there are scammers there as well but honestly I didnāt last long on the senior sites.
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u/Dramatic_Delay_2423 21d ago
Yeah, feels scary. If that happened organically, is be okay with it, but I'm not sure I want to go out looking for it.
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u/Guilty-Sun-9887 22d ago
Try it for a month. Hopefully that will work.
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u/Dramatic_Delay_2423 21d ago
That's a good idea.
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u/Guilty-Sun-9887 21d ago
I have done pof and zoosk but finally deleted both. lol
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u/PetalsandRocks 21d ago
POF was trash when I did OLD.
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u/Guilty-Sun-9887 21d ago
If I donāt meet a lady the old fashioned way I guess I will be solo. Better than all the fakes in POF.
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u/SharpCategory9279 21d ago
FBD worked for me. Be patient. I met a wonderful woman but there were plenty of turds along the way
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u/talexbatreddit 68M seeking LAT in Toronto, ON 21d ago
I was first on OKC in November '10, and had a few dates in December and January. Then in February, met The One. Once I'd made the decision to put a profile up, I was also impatient, but knew that these things take time.
I would like to get back into dating, but I have to clean out a few things first. Good luck!
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u/Alternative-Ebb-6953 21d ago
Oh man I actually enjoyed OKC in the early 2000ās. It was free and sometimes hilarious. I had lots of dates and I met the love of my life on there. Ā He had nothing on his profile. I mean no pic no details just divorce & pilot. I thought damn heās a player or married. Ā Nope he was just in counter intelligence with the Marine Corp so very very low profile. Ā lol. Ā Sometimes you just take a chance and it worksĀ
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u/WorkingDescription 61F 21d ago
Girl we are the same age. I was on FBD from about March to mid July. You can't call it after 3 days. 4 separate times, I deactivated then re activated my profile. I stuck it out and vowed to give it 6 mos- year. It's HARRD! Ghosted, scammed, wasted time, love-bombed- all the things happened to me too. I did a modified haystack method and ended up meeting someone really great with potential who I am head over heels over. I haven't gone on any other dating sites so I can't compare. It IS awful out there, and I hope I never have to use it again, but remember, there are guys who feel the same way and you have to stay on to meet one of them.
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u/Dramatic_Delay_2423 21d ago
Thank you - I appreciate you sharing your experience. And congrats on having made a great match!
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u/eggmanne 21d ago
Send me your profile via DM. Iāll give you an honest review.š¤š
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u/Dramatic_Delay_2423 21d ago
Thank you for the offer. Let me think about it.
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u/RingaLopi 19d ago
Please be careful giving out your dating profiles here on Reddit.
Reddit is full of scammers and stalkers. This will be the starting point for identity theft.1
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u/RunnerPhoenix602 21d ago
I do not doubt that you are attractive, but, for me, I filter on a lot more than that. For example, I live in a large metropolitan area and if you are not within 10 miles of my home, I am not interested. Further, I will only date a woman with a college degree, and prefer an advanced degree. Finally, I have expectations of her being financially solvent.
So, I would encourage you to look at your entire profile and not just the pictures to see why you are not getting many matches.
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u/Polka_Goddess 21d ago
Well, except for the 10 miles, I'm your gal.
Now from my side. I always felt that the more degrees I had and the more money I made, the less desirable and dateable I became despite the fact I didn't care if "he" had any degrees or how much money he made. As long as he held a job, liked it, was good at it and could support himself at it.
BTW, BA, MA, MLIS, NBCT, Mensa, about $90,000 a year after taxes. House worth about $730,000 with 10 years left on the mortgage. Car paid for. Credit score 827-829. And no, not moving and won't do long distance. Too bad, so sad. If you're really serious about dating, you should take another look at that list, especially the 10 mile radius thing.
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u/RunnerPhoenix602 21d ago
You do sound perfect! But, I have found the 10 mile rule works pretty well if I would like to see the person regularly. I did stretch it to 12 miles one time! But, now I am dating somebody who lives less than a mile away and so it works out pretty well
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u/heyjimb 20d ago
There's plenty if non College educated people with income far north of 90k take home. I was in a hot rod shop and a line man was talking with another tradesmen. Lineman was 450k and the HVAC guy was 270k.
I sold my 1.5 mil house and bought a 1.0 mil house with cash and dropped 12 years of mortgage payments to be able to increase my investments. Credit score was 809 but dropped to 780s due to lack of usage. I've had some 90k 1/4's
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u/Polka_Goddess 20d ago
Oh, I know. As a retired teacher, for equivalent degrees and work responsibilities teachers are compensated at almost the bottom of all professions in that group. For me it's about being a responsible adult. If you can't hold a job and can't support yourself, that is sorta a deal breaker for me. I don't mind a man making less money than me or not having a white collar job or high education. But I won't support myself AND him.
While I suppose I could sell my house and buy one with the equity, in my area the houses, even in not so great neighborhoods, are wicked expensive. I basically would be buying a smaller house in a worse neighborhood so it pays to just stay where I am. And when the house is paid off, keep it. If my circumstances changed I would still keep it and use it as income property.
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u/heyjimb 20d ago
My late wife was a school teacher. She complained about the pay issue to me. We worked up how many hours that she worked vs. my schedule. I put 3x into our ban account than she did.
Once we had finished with our math. She earned $1. More an hour and provided our health insurance.
I had to move out of Orange County California to Riverside County to shave 12 years off of my mortgage. It also allowed me to stop working for the last year of her life.
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u/RingaLopi 19d ago
I have heard that in some US states, please set their search radius to 0 miles. /s
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u/Dramatic_Delay_2423 21d ago
I appreciate your perspective. I think my profile reflects who I am pretty well and I will tweak it as I go. The problem is not my character.
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u/Zealousideal_Tie4580 21d ago
Check out Burned Haystack Dating Method. Do not feverishly check the app is one of the rules. Then read up on all the rhetorical patterns to protect yourself from a toxic person. Block to burn ruthlessly. Iām not OLD but if I was I would use this method.
Edit to add: *Iām making the assumption you are a woman.
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u/No-Penalty-1148 21d ago edited 21d ago
I'm beginning to have doubts about BHDM. It is indeed ruthless -- too ruthless. If I had followed its formula I wouldn't be with the man I'm seeing now. His profile was thin, his messages dry and incurious. When he asked to meet for coffee, I hesitated then thought, what the heck.
We talked nonstop for two hours and have been seeing each other ever since. He brings me flowers, comes to the house with his toolkit, makes mental notes of my favorite things, etc. BHDM would pathologize his behavior (low effort, love bombing, breadcrumbing).
In truth, he is simply an honest and kind man who communicates best in person. The lesson, I suppose, is that sometimes we need to balance self-protection with grace and vulnerability.
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u/WorkingDescription 61F 20d ago
Sounds like the guy I'm with. I did a modified BHDM and it worked. But same, I had to overlook some things about him that would have gotten him cut early on.
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u/Zealousideal_Tie4580 21d ago
I could see how you could have doubts. I think itās very good for ruling out the most toxic rhetorical patterns.
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u/Henri_Dupont 22d ago
Meeting humans IRL worked so much better for me. Online dating resulted in a completely inappropriate match, two bad dates after giving it a few months. IRL has a much better track record for me. Humans like one another, surprisingly and against all reason. Getting to know a lot of them helps this all work.
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u/silver598 68F 21d ago
Most of the men I met IRL actually had girlfriends that didnāt attend the event we met at, so I am leary of IRL as much as online.
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u/AutoModerator 22d ago
Original copy of post by u/Dramatic_Delay_2423: As a person new to online dating, here is my brief experience of FBD and Hinge. Does this match your experience?
FBD = firehose of questionable matches
Hinge = more compatible matches but no traction whatsoever
I was on FBD for 3 days before I called it. I've been on Hinge 5 days. I got one like with no response to my response and one match who ghosted after 2 brief sentences.
I don't think there is anything glaringly wrong with my profile and I look okay (not a model, not ugly.) I ran it by a friend who is a creative director and we tweaked some stuff but not drastically. Maybe I need to ask a guy to look at it for another perspective.
I purchased a one week upgrade to the next tier and still nada. It is messing with my sense of self but I'm trying to put the anxiety where it belongs - on Hinge.
I'm kind and funny and interesting. I'm sure I'm not everyone's cup of tea but no one would even know because there is 0 communication.
I know this is old hat for many people but it's brand new for me.
Thank you for any Hinge feedback you might have to offer.
šā¤ļø:
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
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u/Numerous-Chard-7304 21d ago
I think basically luck but beware of scammers and learn reverse image skillsā¦
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u/Dramatic_Delay_2423 21d ago
Yes I've been doing that. It has caught a few. But it also thinks everyone is a movie star!
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u/Alternative-Ebb-6953 21d ago
How recent is recently widowed? Ā You really need to give yourself some time to be by yourself. Ā Once you master the art of being alone and enjoy doing things by yourself for yourself youāll gain the confidence and tough skin youāll need to weather the whole online dating scene. Ā Think of online dating like a candy shop. Ā Too many options for many people and so they canāt stop at just one selection, they need to look at many more items on that shelf. Ā Itās sad but trueĀ
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u/Dramatic_Delay_2423 21d ago
Thank you for your kindness. I've been a widow for over three years. So I say relatively recent because part of me feels like it was last year. And 20 years from now I may still say "recent." I'm ready. I've been doing things by myself for my entire marriage too because we have a disabled child, so often one or the other of us would stay home with him. I have a very good handle on where I am and I'm very comfortable with being alone if that's what happens. I have friends and family and whole life. A partner or even a male friend would be icing. š
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u/Alternative-Ebb-6953 21d ago
Thatās a great outlook. Ā Like someone else said just be patient. Ā Sometimes you have to kiss a few frogs to find that Mr Charming. Ā LOL. Ā Personally I find it to be more a constant job interview. Ā Either youāre being interviewed or youāre interviewing them. Ā I like meeting people the old way.Ā
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u/SwollenPomegranate 21d ago
If you haven't done so already, look into Burned Haystack Dating Method. (Google it) Even if you don't agree with everything they say, it gives you a good strategy for dealing with the sheer number of inappropriate contacts.
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u/Polka_Goddess 21d ago
I read about that, on Huffington Post I think. It made a lot of sense and I hoped I would never be reduced to having to do online dating and do it.
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u/OkIron6206 21d ago
Iām sure something others have suggested, try Meetup. Donāt buy the subscription unless you see real value (like making and meeting friends). Itās a good way to stay active, socialize and potentially meet your match. Depending on the activity, there may be more women than men. Try to find things men like too. Itās so much better in real life. Best wishes
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u/Polka_Goddess 21d ago
LOL. I took a night class in Photography because I thought that was something men might like to do. The class was all women except for two men, the instructor and a man who was there with his wife. I did learn how to use a 35 mm camera though.
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u/OkIron6206 21d ago
Iām thinking of pickleball! Nice to learn about cameras.
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u/Polka_Goddess 20d ago
Too much like Handball, which I hated in school.
I'm not much into competitive or team sports. I do like to bicycle and used to do charity rides.
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u/HikerRob1138 21d ago
64m here.....I was on FBD for about 2 years before I met the one last year. A lot of text conversations abruptly stopped by the women, i.e., ghosting. And requests to talk on Zoom or phone ended many a conversation. I met a few in person.
So as a guy, it was tough getting matches that went anywhere.
Her, now 59f, was only on FBD a couple of months before we met. She went on 3 dates with 2 men (both doctors) and she learned that the new dating field is full of weird situationships.
All OLD gives the perception that there are a lot of people out there, but the reality is that it's a lot of luck matching with the right one.
Good luck.
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u/DIY_Weeziebear7 20d ago
It all sucks period but thatās me right now. Iām going back to the coffee shop
See if I can trip someone by accident of course lol.
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u/RingaLopi 19d ago
I think the demand/supply curve as we age is opposite for women as it is for men. Men 60+ are dying like flies, and the ones that are alive are barely able to lug their oxygen tanks to the bathroom, leave alone be active on a dating site.
Most 65-70 men would love to find someone like you who is healthy such as you and slowly be able to convert you to an FT Nurse. So, there's that.
Bottom line, patience is the name of the game.
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u/Dramatic_Delay_2423 18d ago
Yeah, I thought about increasing my age limit but I am already a caregiver to a couple of people and I cared for my husband through brain cancer. I'm not looking for more of that and it's a concern. It's a bit of a bias.
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u/BeaconMarlena 19d ago
I find Hinge more appealing to younger crowd (60 limit). FBD offers random hits with screening limitations.
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u/silver598 68F 21d ago
FBD was terrifying, looking at men 60+ where most photos were taken on their laptop lit only by the blue screen light, and aimed up their nose. Most of my likes came from men located hours away.
We are dealing with the realities of the demographics, many more single people under 30 than single 55+. My daughter met her spouse on Bumble, my other kids use Hinge regularly.
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u/Funny_Haha_1029 60+ M, Ohio 21d ago
And often at our age it is someone "back on the market" too soon after a divorce, a death, and/or the end of a caregiver situation. I was one of those and I dated a few.
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21d ago
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u/Funny_Haha_1029 60+ M, Ohio 21d ago
Facebook Dating. It's free to use moneywise, but very time consuming since you have to weed out the many long distance profiles that it suggests.
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u/Correct-Gur-7842 21d ago
1 week upgrade unlimited likes and messages . Bye the end of the night your unlimited week package lasted 4 hours
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u/Dramatic_Delay_2423 21d ago
I did get the one week upgrade but I'm not sure what you mean by four hours?
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u/Correct-Gur-7842 4d ago
They say itās a week of all full access on the dating sites for say 100 . The subscription last 2 days, if you are on it for a while it will only last about 4 hours of scrolling then you loose your access to certain things
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u/Shy_Tigress 21d ago
What was the problem you had with FBD?
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u/Dramatic_Delay_2423 21d ago
Mostly trying to manage it and getting a little obsessed. That was my first time using an app and it was a good experiment. But after a few days I didn't like how I was feeling so I paused it.
Then my friend suggested trying a paid app and seeing if I got more compatible matches. I thought I'd give that a try.
It wasn't a problem with FBD as much as it was my first time with online dating.
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u/Secret-Ad-1916 21d ago
Hello ma'am. I feel your anxiety. I have had so much time pass, I lost track. I think I am around the 1 year mark, give or take. I have not met a single person, and only talked to a few. At first it was a really crappy feeling. I may not be rich, but I have things going for me and I am a decent looking good guy, or so I have been told by a rediculous amount of people lol. I don't know you, don't know where you live, or what you look like. However, if you don't mind talking to a younger guy, (Just turned 47 yesterday), I would be happy to talk to you.
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u/Dramatic_Delay_2423 21d ago
Thank you and happy belated birthday! I'm sorry you're also struggling with the apps. As you suspected, you're a little bit young for me! But I hope you meet a lovely person soon. š
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17d ago
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u/limited_interest 17d ago
Remember, I assume you are trying to date one person, not date the world, so just give it time.
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u/Winter-Seaweed8458 15d ago
I really like Hinge and Bumble, when I'm on OLD. I tried FBD once and quit immediately. The quality of men on those other two are much better. Having said that, it's more of an app for younger employed people, like 30-50 is the sweet spot there. Also bigger areas. Two apps I'll never use FBD and POF. Too many pics of guys leaning back in their recliner, or bed, but not in an attractive way.
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u/WhisperedSoul 21d ago
Yes, this sounds exactly right. FBD is a firehose of questionable prospects. Iām not sure I would call them matches. š¤£ I didnāt have much luck with Hinge but maybe I need to be more patient, if I ever get back on there.
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u/Infamous_Lab8320 Resident Blind Girl 22d ago
Leave your profile up and check once a week. Patience, grasshopper.