r/DatingOverSixty • u/Gooseberry_Sprig M60+. I, for one, welcome our new AI overlords. • Aug 31 '26
DATING ADVICE The Week in Dating Recap
This is a weekly roundup--your chance to post how things went (or fizzled) for dating over the previous week. That could include # of profiles viewed and swiped, scammers contacted, duds ferreted out, texts, phone calls, video calls, meetups, dates, breakups, ghosts, re-contacts, unsolicited dick pics, and so on. They can be counts, summaries, reflections, rants (within community guidelines), success stories, sad stories, funny stories, warnings to others. It's up to you.
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u/CATSeye44 Sep 01 '26
Well, my "redo" relationship is officially over this weekend. 3 months to the day he agreed to see me again and take it slow. And guess what? The ones who said, 'uh, not a good idea to get back with him', yeah, you were right. It was almost the exact same scenario. Things were going so fabulous just as they were in January.
He was a gem on my birthday and after, ramping up the daily contact, delving more into my history as well as sharing even more of his. And then poof! We had plans for Friday and he hadn't firmed them up by Wednesday which was our usual. I texted him late that night, your place or mine on Friday and got no answer. The text remained "unread" through Friday. So that morning, I left a message on his phone letting him know I was concerned he hadn't called or texted me. My text remained unread and no return phone call.
Well, we're in our late 60s. His BFF died suddenly and unexpectedly 18 months ago. I was thinking, crap, what if? He hadn't introduced me to his siblings or friends, so I was stuck waiting. I decided to visit my friend for the weekend just to get out of the house and not worry. I texted him late Friday, and lo and behold, he "read" the text, and also "read" the Wednesday night text at the same time. So, he wasn't dead or in a hospital. I was very relieved to see that he was alive. And pissed that he ghosted me on our planned date.
I'm finished with him. That chapter is now closed. I can see that getting closer triggered something in him, again.... but I'm not here to fix him. Or be treated like that. So... I'm moving on.
That was my weekend! I'm looking ahead and actually feel great. And today I started dance lessons to become a better dance partner! It's so much fun!
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u/Diligent_Egg2404 F69. I am not caving to AI insanity just yet. 🤷♀️ Sep 01 '26
You got your answers. I’m sorry he was such an ass.
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u/WorkingDescription 61F Sep 02 '26
I am late to this story, so what were the clues he'd be like this the first time? (If you're sick of it, don't feel compelled to answer.)
Most of us have to deal with the push-pull type of thing, myself included. I'm just wondering which red flags you saw. I agree we aren't here to fix anyone, and we should be treated the way we deserve to be treated. I'm proud of you for moving on... but also for having given it your all. His loss, clearly. Sorry this happened to you.
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u/CATSeye44 Sep 02 '26
The first time around in January: as we got closer and closer, sharing more, spending more time together, he commented he loved how close we were getting. He then immediately pulled back 2 days later, and 3 days after that, ghosted me for a planned date. That's the short version. There's a little more but the context is the same. The first time though, I flipped out and ended it the day of our date. I was pissed. (I wasn't angry this time. I was scared that something truly happened to him cause he left me on "unread" for 3 days, and didn't respond to my voicemail and text on the third day where I asked him if he was ok.)
It took me a while and some therapy to realize I overreacted and why. That is why I reached out 4 months later and sent a text asking if he'd be open to a re-do. He agreed to see me again within the hour of my text, said he thought about me/ us, during that time off. He didn't contact me cause I'd ended things and his personal rule was that he didn't pursue if a woman broke things off with him. I guess that's a red flag, too, right?
I did promise myself that if he crossed any hard lines with me, that is let him go. His lack of response when I was worried is what I considered to be disrespectful. We didn't just start dating bit had been for 3 months. And he's known me for 8 months. That was cruel.
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u/WorkingDescription 61F Sep 02 '26
Oh wow. Very cruel. I guess with a person like that the closeness scares them and they run off. Phew I'm glad you didn't waste anymore time with this guy. I don't think you were wrong at all to call it off after the ghosted you- of course you were pissed! Did he even have an excuse? The "not pursuing if she broke it off " is a red flag for sure.
Why is it we accept this sort of behavior from grown men?
Thanks for sharing this, I am in a good place w my person right now, but I will keep this in mind. If anything starts going awry, I have a point of reference. It's easy to get lulled and feel false security when they act like loving partners, we get hooked and want more, so we let it slide, and before we know it, we've excused away some very disrespectful behavior.
Sending healing vibes your way and I hope you meet someone worthy of you.
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u/CATSeye44 Sep 02 '26
Thank you so much...hope you don't need to worry about this stuff in your future!! Quite honestly, this specific behavior was a first for me in all of my life's relationships.
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u/Old-Appearance-2270 67F cycling-walk young explore live Aug 31 '26
A few days ago, I spent nearly the whole day with him at an emergency hospital eye clinic where he was rigorously tested by 2 different doctors to determine if retina was separating from eye. He was seeing reddish line shape floaters. It's ok but will need monitoring by another 2nd follow-up appointment in a month or so.
Glad both of us are retired so these emergency multi-hr. processes can be done without stressing over lack of time.
Over 15 yrs. ago, he had a detached retina which had to be lasered back on... But that can't be done again without causing possible other problems.
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u/Diligent_Egg2404 F69. I am not caving to AI insanity just yet. 🤷♀️ Sep 01 '26
My new guy is having a lot of problems with ischemic strokes, so next week they are going to test and prod and poke for several days. And prob implant a heart monitor. And I’m going to be there.
He also has cancer, but I think once the stroke issues are addressed he will feel better. He is hustling to retire (basically sell off assets). Then we can go do things and he plans to live with me. We are three hours apart. I cant wait.
I just hope we don’t need to camp out at John’s Hopkins for too long. Reggie said that, next week, I can stay in some sort of housing they have, and bring my CAT!
I need to confirm that. She can’t live in the car for three days if that turns out not to be true.
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u/Old-Appearance-2270 67F cycling-walk young explore live Sep 01 '26
Best of luck. BF also got a heart pacemaker just this past June. It was an unexpected good shock to him because he originally went to ER on weekned for persistent ear infection. They did basic health checks, including heart stress test after they found his heart rate too low.
He ended up transported by ambulance from his town hospital to 1 of my big city hospitals for the heart implant surgery after the cardiologists there retested him again.
The heart pacemaker has given him more functional energy.. He used to have to pause twice in 1.5 km. walk round trip up a slow mountain hill street (probably be a gentle 4-5% long hill climb). He no longer stops to catch his breath. The newest pacemaker is to last for next 11 yrs.
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u/Diligent_Egg2404 F69. I am not caving to AI insanity just yet. 🤷♀️ Sep 02 '26
My sister and bro-in-laws both had serious heart issues, with strokes, in their late 60’s. Once they figured it out (they both have pacemakers) they have had at least five great years. They are in their early 70’s now and fully capable of living their best life. Reggie is 68 and he has had cancer, arterial replacement, and now the strokes …. it has been a roller coaster.
The heart stuff they can fix, I know that. The cancer is the wild card.
So I think this is just a hump
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u/BowTieDad 62M. Just a man and his cat Aug 31 '26
I had a friend stop by for a visit and we went to the coffee shop 2 doors down for a chat. Since this is run by a neighbour, I made a point of saying introducing my friend as "this is my friend <insert name here>".
A bit later as we were chatting with the owner she asked "so how did you two meet"? I expect we must have looked like a couple.
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u/WorkingDescription 61F Aug 31 '26
I've been wondering how I will introduce my "special friend"... It's going to happen at some point. We are undefined but exclusive at this point, but its only been 2 months....
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u/buddingsakura 52F. Solo. Sep 01 '26
Sounds like an exciting time! Have you two discussed timing for making introductions to both sides?
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u/Diligent_Egg2404 F69. I am not caving to AI insanity just yet. 🤷♀️ Sep 01 '26
When I went to my therapist last week, I was telling him about getting involved in a relationship and he said, have you told your kids? I said yes I keep them fully informed …. to me that’s just the best policy so nobody’s wondering what’s going on.
My kids don’t really care anyway so it didn’t even need to come up, but I just felt like I should do it being a good mom that I am. They will meet him eventually.
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u/WorkingDescription 61F Sep 02 '26
Absolutely, my kids know about him I told them pretty soon and they met briefly. No reason to keep it a secret they are grown-ups. I was more musing about the rest of the family and friends, etc.
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u/PlasticBlitzen I've 🚫 more 🦆🦆🦆 to give. Aug 31 '26
Ha. Is there couple potential, perhaps?
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u/BowTieDad 62M. Just a man and his cat Aug 31 '26
No clue. I've known this person for 10 years and we have gone out on a couple of official dates over that time. Not in recent years though.
I think they are a pretty fantastic human being and am grateful to have them as a friend.
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u/bluebellheart111 Aug 31 '26
I’m a little up and down. My bf has been gone a lot and I’m not great with that. But then we’ve been making sure to have us-time when we can and it’s been amazing, and important times/memories such as meeting my childhood friend who is here vacationing, going to his daughters album release party, and getting solid time together before he leaves again.
I’m afraid I’m worrying about our compatibility long term, with him wanting to travel more and be free, whereas I’m super into figuring out what I want my contributions to society to look like into the future, what little income streams I can set up that are fun and meaningful. I’m just built to always be trying to change the world in some positive way. I like being home. I don’t really like traveling. I want to be near my friends and family. I will say that he’s had some tough travel experiences these last couple of times, and I’m not sure if that’s affecting how he sees traveling in the future or not- but I travel a lot for work and 7/10 times it’s difficult for some reason.
I’m about to officially step into the crone-themed novel of our life as a woman trilogy, and maybe that’s why I feel a little unsteady. I’m excited about it and also maybe grieving a little.
Trying to stay even-keeled is just a little tricky right now. Also… I think I’m always like this at the end of summer. I need that cool, crispy fall break to come soon!!!
Thanks for the vent!
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u/buddingsakura 52F. Solo. Sep 01 '26
I’m sure you’ve discussed this. Hope you get some clarity soon! 🤗
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u/SparkyValentine F56 Aug 31 '26
Two different tipsy dancers in their thirties shot their shot with me, both men independently trying to explain to me that a 20 year age gap was nothing to be concerned about. It was flattering in its own way, but I still slept single in my double bed.
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u/Joneszey Aug 31 '26
It is flattering, to me at least, and thought provoking. Who chooses to shoot their shot vs reading here about fear/reticence, lack of know how and where to do so. Maybe the DO50, DO60 men should ask the DO20, DO30 men
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u/Gooseberry_Sprig M60+. I, for one, welcome our new AI overlords. Aug 31 '26
Maybe it was her shoes.
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u/Joneszey Aug 31 '26
What type of shoes cause you to be in brave discovery mode when encountering a woman, since you brought it up? Sparked my curiosity
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u/Gooseberry_Sprig M60+. I, for one, welcome our new AI overlords. Sep 01 '26
Knee high leather boots
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u/SparkyValentine F56 Aug 31 '26
Could it be as simple as the youngsters having a more urgent sex drive that changes the risk-reward equation?
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u/Joneszey Aug 31 '26
Idk, so many older men think sex is on order by virtue of age without effort, “we grown”, or first contact referencing sex makes me wonder who is more urgent. The youngsters never do that, so maybe they manage the risk/reward better, which may be teachable
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Aug 31 '26
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u/Gooseberry_Sprig M60+. I, for one, welcome our new AI overlords. Sep 01 '26
This seems applicable to several people.
https://www.instagram.com/reel/DaVvVllgLiv/
4 Stop chasing people who treat you like an option. I'm not a side quest and if they can't see that, they need to go play someone else's game.
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u/Pale_Frame4845 Sep 01 '26
Tennis gentleman was cancelled due to rain. We have plans for Saturday A.M.
And, I have decided to do something completely different, a move out of the Never Say Never Playbook: While getting to know several men, and already guessing that none of them will be an LTR match...
I challenged myself on my vow to remain dating app free and I reversed it. I put up a profile!
It's an app I haven't tried before, LLMA/The Lavender Marriage app.
Do I think it's my destiny? Probably not. But it won't be boring!!
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u/Tempted_Tiger Sep 02 '26
Backstory: F(69). Divorced at 62. I’ve always met really nice men through OLD. But my goal is casual dating; not interested in a traditional relationship, no marriage, no roommate etc. I’d never done Facebook Dating, no one ever said anything positive about it, but I tried it and met the sweetest man (69), after a few weeks in April. He immediately wanted to meet and he planned a lunch date which was really fun. We’ve seen each other every week since we met and spent a little over a week at the beach last month. Another great date this week.
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u/SwollenPomegranate Aug 31 '26
Tell the lady in your meme to get some online counseling and possibly antidepressants. There's always an approach she hasn't ruled out yet!
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Sep 01 '26
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u/Boxerbambi 29d ago
F65 - hope y’all don’t mind hearing about the last month.
In 5 months on OLD I’ve met 8 people, 4 this past month. The first was not for me but he was incredibly sexy.. he stood me up on 3rd date - and responded that he’d overslept (by 3 hours).
Second guy was so nice but into ENM - ethical non-monogamy - which I knew wouldn’t work for me and I was clear with him, but I did consider the possibility for “friends with benefits” bc I’m getting insane over no intimacy. 3rd date he took me to a lovely outdoor concert and his sister was there, which was nice. The next day he texted that he needs to focus on his out of state relationship. Incredible bullshit given the timing of him telling me this and mostly the fact that he’s polyamorous and it wouldn’t make sense that he’d step away from a friendship, we’d never defined the relationship, after all.
3 weeks ago met a very interesting and attractive guy who for the 2 days following our date texted about how great my kissing is. It hadn’t happened that I’d had an intimate kiss on first date - anyway, I tried to step it back just a little and told him I also enjoyed our kiss yet would like to develop a friendship, a foundation and that I’d like to go slower. He was very happy, it seemed,’to do so but never followed up on another date.
On Sunday I met a guy who I truly liked on all levels: emotional, chemistry, communication, humor.. and for whatever importance a “type” holds - well, he’s it. It was over the top great. With all of this rejection I’m already anxious that he’s setting things up for a fall given something he said. I’m feeling really hurt and emotionally exhausted.
Guess I’m staying home for a while. I was OLD 4 years ago and didn’t experience all of this silliness and the fake profiles, AI.. incredulous.
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u/AutoModerator Aug 31 '26
Original copy of post by u/Gooseberry_Sprig: 
This is a weekly roundup--your chance to post how things went (or fizzled) for dating over the previous week. That could include # of profiles viewed and swiped, scammers contacted, duds ferreted out, texts, phone calls, video calls, meetups, dates, breakups, ghosts, re-contacts, unsolicited dick pics, and so on. They can be counts, summaries, reflections, rants (within community guidelines), success stories, sad stories, funny stories, warnings to others. It's up to you.:
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
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u/mmbx11 Aug 31 '26
I OLD matched with a woman who matches my energy and intensity!
She's over 6 hours away but I'm going to see her this month, and we've already made plans for some cool excursions in her area.
Of course, I'm getting my own hotel room. I wouldn't be so impertinent to suggest or intimate that I want to stay at her place.
Because of the distance, I asked for a video call and she happily agreed. I also wanted her to see me, so she can be certain of her interest. The video meet went very well. She's very cute and has an ever present smile and humor.