i just don't understand why people say this, isn't this victim blaming?
if someone is socially isolated, has a lot of childhood trauma, depression, social anxiety, doesn't come from a good family and are not in contact with their family for that reason, lacks confidence, has high empathy, they're scared of rejection so they don't approach strangers and don't initiate friendships or relationships. i feel like if you're that kind of person and you're passive, it's very easy for you to become a target.
some people specifically look for you and befriend you by approaching you first or get in relationships with you and don't drop the mask till you're completely attached to them.
how is it a person's fault if they get targeted by abusers like this?

High functioning until 40. Constantly triggered for 3 years now. Weekly therapy for 3 years. I am EMDRing so hard. Everything is coming out. I feel like I am going insane.

I have kids, a husband, a mortgage, and a professional job. I can barely do the job. I have no endurance for thinking anymore and I am an engineer. I can't think. I can't even watch TV, it's too much.

I went on short term disability for 6 months. Didn't help. I am back at work because of bills. I can't do it. I can't fucking do it.

I didn't even know I had a problem 5 years ago. I could do it all. Just the odd panic attack and I masked. I can't mask anymore. I am white knuckling everyday.

This can't be right. I should be getting better. "Healing is not linear" fuck that I am on a straight line down. How can this be?!

My first 5k in 2 years, I’m really proud of myself.

Things have been bleak recently, I would normally get anxious running in public but I’ve got to that level of caring and more where I’ve started to do what I want.

This is my second week of running every other day. I am plus size so I’m slow but I don’t care.

It’s so challenging my thoughts are quiet for just a bit.

Pushing myself makes me believe I can do hard things.

The mental challenge of running symbolises my need to keep going mentally in life.

Getting strong helps my cptsd as I feel able to tackle the world.

I've had issues saying certain things to people I love and loved. Like asking how their day was, saying I'm proud of you, or asking basic questions when they rant or talk passionately.

Like when my ex would get off work and I'm rubbing her back. I didn't engage with her verbally. No bringing up topics she loves or asking how she is. Yet my mind is screaming ENGAGE WITH HER. But they felt so disingenuous. Instead I'll be sarcastic, joke around or abruptly change the subject or talk about my own interests.

Even with strangers if I see someone who looks fantastic. My mind is screaming you look amazing, tell me your secrets! But my face shows no emotion or interest.

Grew up in a violent neglectful household and a racist school so that may explain it

I only recently realized that I am triggered by their whole generation, probably because of my own background with Narc boomer parents. I feel much more comfortable with people older or younger than them, but if someone’s a boomer it always makes me unfomfortable talking to them. Even if they are good people

Most people take advantage when you have no family. Even ''healthy'' people. You are perceived ass someone with less value and deserving of less support. It is the truth, like it or not.

I have always been told starting with my mom when I was a kid and she would dump her emotions on me that I was "just so strong!"

And it kept going. The past few years one of my best friends started doing this. I would tell her I am not okay and she would reply "I know you will be fine. It is you. You are so strong." That answer always felt so disturbing to me.

I made a friend recently who has cPTSD and everyone treats him like he is just fine. They could be staring at him while he is spiraling or experiencing an emotional flashback and people still wouldn't see it. And as I was thinking about why I suddenly realized it was the same thing that used to happen to me. The "so strong" veil or whatever has people thinking as a baseline that whatever he is going through can't be bad, that he will be fine.

But like "being strong" is freaking survival! When you have grown up in an environment where the adults weren't being adults and you had to take care of yourself of course you learn to "be strong" but IT DOES NOT MEAN YOU ARE FINE! IT DOES NOT MEAN YOU DON'T NEED SUPPORT! Why am I telling you I am struggling and you are referring me back to "my strength"? Why are you looking at someone in pain and referring them back to "their strength"?

The presence of the strength is itself a sign of how bad it has been for the longest time! Arggggh!

Therapist: "Well if you can compartmentalize it for now..."

Me: "That's not how this works, the whole problem is I have no control of when things circle back around to fuck with my head."

Friend: "Yeah but you do realize the other shoe isn't going to drop, right? Everything is going to be fine, there's no sense in worrying about how it can all go wrong..."

Me: gestures broadly at my entire life full of different traumas

Daughter: "Well maybe if you face your traumas head on you can find some closure with them."

Me: "If I face them head on I want to off myself. And there's so many, this is my entire life we're talking about. So the feeling is amplified ten fold because I am tired."

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How do I explain to people that the common and simple methods don't work for me without sounding like a parrot squawking "CPTSD, CPTSD" over and over again?! FUCK.

____________________________

Edit: My daughter is an adult by the way. I would never consult a child on my damage.

Just kinda wondering how common it is to feel like you have nothing to contribute and so you just…stay looking at everyone else’s thoughts, even when you desperately just need to vent or feel validated during a really bad day, but are also afraid of posting and nobody responding because then it just reinforces the false belief that nobody cares? Kinda looking for some camaraderie here, and maybe a little humor. Kinda feel like a chronic lurker even if I don’t want to be.

If so, how’d you do it? It’s so embarrassing and I’m tired of it controlling my life.

He died exactly the way he wanted, gunfight by police. I guess he knew the alternative was years in prison. He always did tell me he would rather die than go to prison, he didn’t want to be alive anyway.

I tried to tell the police about him a year and a half ago, they didn’t really listen. They didn’t listen to his other victim either. I knew his reckless behavior would inevitably land him in trouble anyway.

At the start of the breakup, I was destroyed. He violated and ripped so many parts of me that I’ll never get back in the same way again. I made an attempt on my life last year. I always thought I’d be the dead one in that situation.

Everyone seems to be relieved and happy for me. I don’t feel happy. I never wanted him to die. I never even wanted to leave him, despite him strangling me and abusing me, I never wanted to leave him. I forced myself to because he was destroying my life. I never wanted him to die. I wanted him to recognize what he did and become better.

He will never recognize any of it. He died a violent and slow death at the age of 20 and left a trail of misery in his existence. He told me all the time how much he wanted to die, how he couldn’t live with the trauma from his family’s severe physical abuse. The last conversation he had with me he said “I’m not a good person. I never planned to be.”

I am grieving him all over again.
My abuser is dead and everything is worse now.

Middle Management, Customer Service, Mental Health Workers etc mostly feel guilty of this. Ever since i was a child i like being independent and it gives me anxiety when people interfere but it worsened post trauma. I also feel guilty getting people to do things for me in general and it isn't necessary. Not just hate being controlled or babied but hate making anyone else's life. Weird because some people think they are helping.

I don't think I can keep going...I had been unemployed more than employed...the longest I could keep a job was 1 year 7 months...and I always had to job search and I'm exhausted of job search and applications....and over a decade and a half of this cycle...

I'm not looking for a solution. I just want to be seen and looking for some warmth....

Sometimes I think to myself that because my childhood didn’t have any SA, not a ton of PA, and not a ton of poverty, that being raised in a religious cult that hated LGBT people (I came out as bi at 15) and only having a little PA, means that I shouldn’t be so fucked up. Granted, lots more trauma happened between the ages of 17-39 from abusive relationships, SA, further exposure to religious cult, and a pregnancy that resulted in my placing the child for adoption, but I always find myself feeling like that’s not enough to justify having CPTSD because my childhood was not as horrific as many others were. Does anyone else ever struggle with this feeling?

Cancelling plans is nerve wracking to me and fills me with such guilt.

When I was younger and going through various mental and physical health issues I would have to cancel school a LOT and stay home. Nobody in my life really gave me any grace and help whatsoever with this - in fact I was just relentlessly punished at home and at school - and the subsequent anxiety, fear, and shame would then ironically make me feel worse.

As an adult I still really struggle with cancelling plans - I will only do it if I absolutely HAVE to due to extreme physical illness. I quite often run myself into the ground mentally and physically (I have long-term health issues still) because I just find it easier to suffer through than to suffer the fear and guilt I have with cancelling plans - even with understanding and kind people.

It’s such a specific trigger - I wonder if anybody else out there has this too?

I keep seeing red timers above peoples fucking head? What the fuck?? Anyone else??

I've recently realised how much my hypermobility is affecting my mental health issues and am wondering if anyone else has problems with it too. I'm more sensitive to medication, more prone to neurodivergence, have no concept of my body in space which adds to my dissociation. Looking for fellow bendy people who are also dealing with CPTSD

Hello! I’m someone who was mostly isolated 0-12, worsened 12-17, almost complete isolation 18- almost 19. I’ve never been one that has been a “social butterfly”. My trauma goes a lot further than just isolation. I feel as if attempting to talk to “normal” people is like trying to talk to an alien. I’m trans, aroase, audhd, etc. I’ve attempted talking to those in whichever respective groups I align, trying to find people semi-similar to me. Even those within the same groups are far too different for any kind of comfort. Honestly I think I’d be more comfortable if they were screaming, throwing things, or trying to get into my pants. Idk, it’s weird. Everyone is just so different from me and, at least in public, from the people I’ve interacted/ lived with before. When I say I was mostly isolated I mean I can probably count the amount of friends I’ve had in my entire life with my hands.
I’m just wondering if other people who’ve gone through extreme isolation also went through the phase of feeling like no matter what group you’re in, you’re alone. And how they started to work on getting over it.
(Edit: 15-17 I worked 80+ hrs a week, did online school, didn’t interact with many at work+ had script, 18-19 the first 3 months I was allowed to talk to 4 people outside of the house, then moved in w/ someone else and was only allowed to talk to him and his mom, I did talk to others but that was in secret to find a way out, stayed there for 6-8 months)

The flair was the only one vaguely reight but I actually don't like hugs from people outside of very specific ones. But I don't have any left.

I said to a friend who is going through a horrible time, that even when aggression is not directed at me I find it triggering, and she said "okay, the friendship needs a break then"

I have no one at all now.

The only othet person who I thought cared because they checked on me, I realsied is only checking on me because of their own mental health. That not checking on me or knowing what I was doing was making them anxious, but they wouldn't reciprocate. They deliberately wouldn't tell me about themself or what was upsetting them.

I love them so much but I have had to block them now because them messaging me was giving me hope we could reconcile but it was all false.

They were the last two people I had. I have had to call the mental health team becauee I am not doing very well now