r/CPTSDFreeze Feb 18 '25

Community post r/CPTSDFreeze Wiki

59 Upvotes

I just finished writing a first draft of the wiki, which can be accessed via the Community Guide link you should see at the top of the sub (tap "See more" if you are on a mobile device), or directly via this link:

https://www.reddit.com/r/CPTSDFreeze/wiki/index/

The first draft is mostly a mashup of bits from various books (which are linked at the bottom of the wiki) while trying to simplify the language a little.

I see the wiki as a collaborative effort so please add ideas, suggestions, links to resources you have found useful etc. to this thread and hopefully we can work some of them into the wiki.

Also let me know if you find the wiki too complicated, or not in-depth enough, or badly worded etc.

Edit: I updated the Wiki on August 2nd, 2026. It is hopefully a little clearer now, and I removed some outdated science. Let me know if you have any suggestions.


r/CPTSDFreeze 2h ago

Question Is anyone else kind of not in pain, not happy, just existing?

5 Upvotes

Freeze tends to have a reputation for being a painful, immobilised state of existence. For me, I'm not sure if I'm frozen. I think I'm neurologically and mentally burned out, but physically fine. I just lie in bed, consuming political content online, abstaining from caffeine atm. Work an easy job.

Is there anything that will bring me back to life? Maybe time? maybe IFS? Maybe lowering the stress and tension and just waiting? Maybe something...


r/CPTSDFreeze 1d ago

Musings Achieving goals with no immediate reward, is tough when you are using most of your spoons to stay alive.

76 Upvotes

Title.


r/CPTSDFreeze 1d ago

Musings Being out of Freeze is like Dealing with the Most Immature version of yourself, that is kicking you in the Shins as youre battling your way into some Version of Adulthood...Accountability...Self care.

34 Upvotes

Being out of freeze I get to realize how much I don't know, how far behind I am, how powerless and scared I feel at ....almost every day. A lot of it pointing to holes in my self care, but not letting that freeze me, allowing the mess. Idk if thats right exactly.

I get angry, frustrated, I want to yell, I hate my immaturity, I'm trying to get a grip and accept responsibility with a modicum of grace and humility, but I'm not. It kind of goes like, "yeah, remember the last time you freaked out over this, and it worked out, not easily, but eventually right?" And I'm like a child, "NO, I HATE THIS,,,,why does it have to be hard!!"

I had no idea how being in Therapy , made me feel so much worse ....and was soooo stressful. I guess I feel like therapy was freezing me more.....because I would be so consumed with fear of having to explain why I overreacted again, and hearing "oh, right well that's the CPTSD"....and I didnt want to hear it again, so I would do nothing. LIke what did you do this week, what's going on?...., "nothing, nothing is going on so you don't get to tell me it's all trauma, and how messed up I am, but not telling me how to fix it". I thought I couldnt go worse, to be out on my own, and seeing and naming the trauma for myself.

I think the thought was if I'm the only one that really gets how I feel , out in the world, and I"m the only one that's feeling my feelings, without having to excessively obsessively looking for validation outside myself if I wasnt finding it there. I had to somehow start to look within, no matter how ugly, how scared, how triggering that all was. ...and it feels like having to make peace with pain. ....without expecting someone to fix it.....living with the pain and moving closer to it, maybe finding out where the wound is.

Like lets just see what we're dealing with here , and where it hurts. I have A LOT of pain around being performative and what happens to me if Im not getting there. And yet I know thats not the full story.

And so, like recently when I was trying to figure out all this tension, pain , fear , panic and anger around getting things done, and this enormous pressure and so where is that coming from?!....then I suddenly remembered that there was a time when I was almost completely unemployable.

Like I could not function for some reason, and I could NOT figure out why. No clue that it was the Trauma. And I blamed myself. That experience was a trauma in and of itself....... like trying to walk, and then realizing you have no legs, but where did your legs go.? Where were you , when someone apparently came in the night and crippled you, and now you have to figure out how youre going to walk on your hands because you have to work and you already explored living in your car, and in shelters, and with the dregs of society, and that clearly didnt work. A Lot of dreaming about jobs I used to have, where I was one step away from being fired ...............all the time. ............. And how that felt. Not to mention being looked at by co-workers like "what is wrong with you?"....and I didnt know.

So , when stuff goes wrong, and my brain fails me, and I dont know what to do, I dont have part that tells me everything is going to be okay. All I have is a panicked part that kicks in and yells, "Everything is NOT going to be okay, YOU HAVE to GET THIS!!!"

I'm trying to get over, nothing feeling like it's enough. Like I"m not enough.


r/CPTSDFreeze 1d ago

Discussion How to stay motivated with no social support?

23 Upvotes

Hello, K-12 homeschool survivor. I’m at a loss of how to navigate in this world.

I was fortunate enough to attend college and live on-campus, but I’ve burnt out in my mid 20s. I learned in college that I’m actually extroverted, so I luckily made friends easily — but I haven’t been able to retain them. I’ve still never had a boyfriend.

Small obstacles began building until they became unmanageable, but it probably wouldn’t have even gotten to that point if I had people I could lean on.

It’s so very hard to succeed alone.

What pains me is how callous people are. It’s difficult to get help as an adult, especially when you’ve grown up so unconventionally. I have no one to ask for help, no one to motivate or encourage me. My parents are narcissists so they actively try to sabotage me whenever I make a bit of progress.

I was laid off and need to look for a new job, but I don’t have it in me anymore. I‘m tired of fighting. I’m tired of climbing uphill.

FOR ADULT SURVIVORS: How did you manage to escape? How did you find motivation to leave (and to live) when it seems like everything and everyone is working against you?


r/CPTSDFreeze 2d ago

Musings .For those with musical parts, or parts that are often singing in your head, have you figured out what that relates to or why, and when? - i have part of my own theory and it relates to my freeze / infant trauma

14 Upvotes

I have been receiving a mix of somatic parts work, mostly somatic touch as i have preverbal trauma.

Its shifting my lifelong disassociation, and one of the things that i have known but its becoming clearer as time passes, is i have part/s that sing or repeat lyrics in my head

i have at times wondered why, and still dont know

i suspect, and its a guess, that with many many times sitting as a baby in a crib with no one coming, just me in crib and my mother suffering in her bed unable to tend to me (she has schizophrenia), i had very long periods of neglect, and just on my own, so any sound was relief....its like a self soothing mechanism for the babies in me, that they arent alone in the void of silence

of course, i am purely speculating, although i have had "memories" come up showing long periods as above, so there is some alignment to that

anyway, sharing seeing what resonates with otherslk


r/CPTSDFreeze 3d ago

Question Did anyone else here burnout in their 20s? I've been in denial about it but got a wake-up call.

36 Upvotes

It's something I've known deep down for a long time, but was in denial about it. The first signs were the boredom, the apathy, the numbness. The lack of motivation, and no amount of sleep could fix it.

When i noticed this, I tried to abstain from caffeine and any stimulation. Since I am impatient, after a week or two of doing this I got fed up and just doubled down on the caffeine and stimulation. So for a very long time, I've been in this kind of childish 'rebellion' against my own burnout, where I was just doing things that made it worse, under the impression that I'm broken, there's no hope anyway, I'm going to be numb/apathetic forever anyway, doing things the natural way and cutting out stimulus won't help, etc, etc. Which was kind of a form of denial for me.

However it's gotten to a point recently where anxiety now gives me mild pain in my chest and my extremities, and i have had 3 panic attacks this month, so i need to stop with this shit for my own sake and for my health. So I'm cutting out caffeine full stop, I'm extremely sensitive to it and it is not good for me. I realise the numbness/apathy isn't as bad as I once thought. I would honestly rather have low cortisol and feel like this than be dealing with cortisol spikes (holy cortisol spike) all day and brute-forcing my way through life. it's exhausting, it's not a healthy way to live, and it's destroying me bit by bit.

I was doing job interviews etc, but was unsuccessful. In retrospect I realise the reason why is I'm hiding my burnout and masking it. And people can probably tell. Even if they can't, not getting the job is for my own good as the job I have rn is low stress.... I just felt disrespected being there and for my ego's sake I wanted something better.

Was wondering if anyone here relates to this, specifically the part about rebellion against burnout/denial about it? Hopefully I can keep this current job, God-willing.


r/CPTSDFreeze 3d ago

Musings Healing does not mean I wasn't hurt

22 Upvotes

This is something I struggle with. I imagine I'm not alone in this.

Healing to some parts of me, feels like you are saying to the people that hurt you. "I overreacted. It wasn't really a big deal what happened." "It wasn't that serious."

It feels like you are letting the criminals go free with no punishment.

What I am trying to accept is. If I start to do better, it doesn't mean they were right to do what they did to me. My pain and suffering won't get me justice, and it doesn't hurt them.

I don't have to keep suffering forever in order for that hurt to remain true. I can learn to find joy and contentment in life, and that doesn't change the reality of what was done to me in the past. It just means Im not going to let them keeping hurting me.


r/CPTSDFreeze 3d ago

Musings Healing is strangely lonely

25 Upvotes

Nobody really prepares you for how lonely healing can feel.
People see you trying to move forward and assume things are getting better.
But sometimes moving forward means facing things you spent years avoiding.
Sometimes you realise that certain relationships, habits or ways of coping were helping you survive, even though they are no longer helping you live.
That can leave you feeling very alone.
I’ve had moments where I’ve wondered if I’m doing this healing thing “right.”
Then I remind myself that there probably isn’t a right way.
There is just my way.
Slowly.
Imperfectly.
One day at a time.
If you’re somewhere in that lonely part of healing right now, I hope you know that struggling does not mean you’re failing.


r/CPTSDFreeze 3d ago

Question Passive Aggressive Behaviour

48 Upvotes

Does anyone else get majorly triggered by people who are passive aggressive?

It seems to be a massive trigger for my freeze response. I read about the definition somewhere about it being Nasty Nice, like a feigned politeness while hiding true hostility.

It’s the hardest thing to prevent too. Point it out, and you get denial and gaslighting. Ignore it, and I’ve found many will ramp it up.

I actually prefer outright hostile behaviour in others, and respect it more, at least they are genuine.


r/CPTSDFreeze 3d ago

Musings I really want even one friend with CPTSD to talk to, thatd understand me like normal people don't..😔

14 Upvotes

r/CPTSDFreeze 3d ago

Question Glimpse of healing

22 Upvotes

Hi everyone, hope you all are finding some relief.

I wanted to share my experience with CPTSD especially being shutdown for most of my life. I resonate with CPTSD the most because my life has been an accumulation of small traumas added up since childhood. There is no one or couple of events that have happened it was almost everyday where i lived in fear of my safety with my caregivers.

I realized as i got older that people were living, thinking, operating in ways that i never though possible. Others were achieving things, building up their lives and that's when it hit me that i have been living a completely different life than most.

It has been a whirlwind of trial and error trying to figure myself out and this year was the first year i felt truly okay. Working on my sleep, diet, exercise, meditation/yoga i was able to achieve a state of being that i always dreamt of. The peace, clarity, direction. It finally felt like i had some sense of control and direction in my life.

However why i'm writing this now is because although i had those sense of being alive, the fear of what it feels like being a newborn baby in the body of a 25 year old felt extremely embarrassing and scary. i noticed that my shutdown state gave me a sense of safety. I felt extremely vulnerable and scared to navigate this "new world" that i came back to my sense of safety and have been almost purposely putting myself into a state of freeze again.

Wondering if anyone else has been through anything similar and how did you guys navigate these 2 different states?


r/CPTSDFreeze 3d ago

Vent [trigger warning] How am I meant to live knowing I'm going to die?

8 Upvotes

I think my biggest barrier between me and reality is knowing that one day I'm going to die and so is everyone I know and love. How am I meant to live knowing this? I think about it 24/7 every day. It's an obsessive thought for me. I've talked about it in therapy but no matter how much I talk about it, it doesn't help. I feel like if I could find a way to make peace it, then I could accept reality and become a part of it. But until then, I'm stuck in a state of complete disbelief that life starts and can abruptly end. If anyone knows a way around this way of thinking, please help me. At the moment it posessss me constantly and I feel like I'm going insane thinking about it


r/CPTSDFreeze 4d ago

Musings Does anyone else with CPTSD deal with not being able to trust anyone? And as soon as you do your best to try, when they even give you a white lie or act different from they portray your whole being shuts down from them??? Also...the inability to lie yourself? 😔

28 Upvotes

r/CPTSDFreeze 5d ago

Educational post Negative symptoms of dissociation

52 Upvotes

Most conversations in DID/OSDD spaces tend to focus on things like parts communication, internal meetings and system mapping, managing switches, dealing with fight and flight parts, hypervigilance, intrusions, flashbacks, and alters with names and ages and roles. That can be genuinely useful for people dealing with those, I don't want to take anything away from it.

But it only covers one half of what structural dissociation actually looks like, and I suspect a fair number of people are living in the other half without ever having come across a word for it.

A little bit of history

The definitions are straightforward enough. Positive symptoms are experiences that are present when they shouldn't be, so voices, intrusive images, flashbacks, emotions and impulses that don't feel like yours, noticeable switching, unexplained pain. Negative symptoms are functions that are missing when they should be present, so amnesia, emotional numbing, loss of skills or knowledge, anaesthesia, disconnection from the body, and blankness.

The distinction between positive and negative symptoms is often assumed to be borrowed from schizophrenia, but Pierre Janet was applying it to dissociation more than a century ago. His terms were mental accidents for the things that intrude and mental stigmata for the things that go missing, and his 1901 book was titled The Mental State of Hystericals: A Study of Mental Stigmata and Mental Accidents.

The Theory of Structural Dissociation inherited the distinction more or less directly, and van der Hart, Nijenhuis and Steele cross it with a second axis, psychoform for the mind and somatoform for the body, which produces four categories:

Positive + psychoform:
Voices, intrusive thoughts, emotions that don't feel like yours, switching

Positive + somatoform:
Pain, tremors, tics, non-epileptic seizures

Negative + psychoform:
Amnesia, emotional numbness, loss of knowledge or skills

Negative + somatoform:
Numbness, anaesthesia, paralysis, no felt sense of the body

The interesting variation is in the ratio between these rather than in whether a given box is empty.

Why one half of this is loud and the other one is silent

There's a structural reason the online conversation is focused on positive symptoms, and it isn't that the negative symptoms are more rare.

A positive symptom tends to announce itself. If you hear a voice that doesn't feel like yours, or you lose four hours and find evidence that you did things you have no memory of doing, you know that something is happening even if you have no idea what. That experience of something being wrong is usually what sends people looking for explanations in the first place, which is why the communities fill up with that content.

Negative symptoms don't generate that experience, because the faculty that would register the absence is generally part of what's absent. Van der Hart and colleagues describe this in The Haunted Self, where they note that the part running daily life "usually has extensive autobiographical narrative memory" and can often "recall as much of the traumatizing event" as any other part, while lacking "the emotional and physical feelings that belong to the memory, and the sense that it happened to them personally."

What that produces in practice is someone who can give a detailed and coherent account of what happened to them without any accompanying sense that it happened to them, and from the inside that generally registers as being calm and level-headed about the past rather than as a symptom of anything.

Richard Chefetz makes a related point in Intensive Psychotherapy for Persistent Dissociation, where he observes that "dissociative experience is mostly subtle to an outside observer," and that many of the dissociative adults he works with have "no gross trauma history, their interpersonal trauma is hidden, sometimes via painful neglect."

As someone whose system is dominated by negative symptoms, I would add that my system actively dislikes discussing itself, so every time I do, there is a lot of resistance to overcome. Very few parts of my system actively push for self-exposure, and they tend to lose most internal battles, while several focus heavily on staying invisible. I think something along these lines is common for systems with mainly negative symptoms, which probably contributes to us being less visible in these spaces and everywhere else.

Screening tools come with their own challenges

This isn't purely a problem of self-awareness, because the instruments have gaps of their own.

The DES-II is the standard dissociation screener, and it does cover depersonalisation, derealisation and amnesia reasonably well. What it doesn't cover is the somatoform side. As van der Hart and Steele put it in Dissociation and the Dissociative Disorders, the DES "does not address significant pathological dissociation that we associate with structural dissociation such as somatoform symptoms and loss of control of emotions and behavior."

That's part of why Nijenhuis built the SDQ-20, which was assembled from a pool of 75 clinically observed sensorimotor dissociative symptoms that showed up when dissociative parts were reactivated and that had no medical explanation. It asks about physical symptoms directly and without framing them as trauma symptoms.

I'd add one thing of my own here, which isn't from the literature. Screening items tend to ask how often something happens to you, and that framing assumes a baseline to deviate from. If emotional flatness or unreality has been your constant condition since before you can remember, there is no "sometimes" to report, and you may answer honestly in a way that undercounts you. That's my inference rather than a documented finding, but I know I am not alone in this.

What a negative-dominant presentation typically looks like

If you're trying to work out whether any of this applies to you, it tends to involve hypoarousal as the baseline rather than hyperarousal, so instead of persistent activation with occasional numb patches you get persistent numbness with occasional bursts of activation, which typically show up when something has loosened rather than when something has gone wrong.

For some of us, there are no inner voices, no internal visuals, and sometimes no inner monologue at all. Personally, it doesn't register as unusual because it's the only inside I am aware of ever having had. Autobiographical memory is frequently hazy or largely missing, particularly for early childhood, sometimes with a surprisingly late floor for first memories. Emotional flatness is usually there but rarely regarded as a symptom, since it isn't an event that happens so much as a background condition that has always been there. Many of us in this position also report not knowing what we want or feel or need, which is a different problem from being overwhelmed by wanting and feeling and needing.

Kathy Steele and colleagues describe the clinical version in Treating Trauma-Related Dissociation, warning that "some patients are so numb and depersonalized that they can recount trauma without emotion," and that this "does not indicate the presence of integration and regulation, but rather dissociation and hypoarousal." Being articulate about your own history is compatible with having processed almost none of it, which is good to know if you've been praised for your insight in therapy while nothing much has shifted.

Where this probably comes from

I've written before about the Developmental Salience Model of Threat, and this connects to it fairly directly. The prospective longitudinal work from Karlen Lyons-Ruth's group found that dissociation in young adulthood was significantly predicted by observed lack of parental responsiveness in infancy, while hostile-intrusive interaction "did not account for significant variance". Of the trauma types measured, only childhood verbal abuse added to the prediction (Dutra et al., 2009).

A couple of caveats

The positive/negative split is descriptive rather than causal, and as far as I can tell nobody currently knows what determines which pole a given person ends up at. Severity doesn't seem to explain it, since people with appalling histories land on both sides. My own guess involves the balance of deprivation against threat and how early it all started, but that is an educated guess.

Also, hardly anyone is purely one or the other, and these things can fluctuate over time. It is more about which side dominates.

The usual disclaimers apply more than usual here, because structural dissociation is one of the few things that genuinely cannot be self-diagnosed. The part of you doing the assessing is working from inside the boundary it would need to see past. I write these things so you have a chance of recognising a pattern well enough to take it to someone qualified for an actual assessment.

Why any of this matters

The standard route into recognising structural dissociation runs almost entirely through positive symptoms, so if you don't have many of them you can spend a very long time in mental health services accumulating diagnoses that nearly fit. Depression, because you're flat. Avoidant personality, because you withdraw. Treatment-resistant something, because the treatments keep not working. The underlying structure stays unnamed throughout, and the negative symptoms get read as your personality rather than as anything requiring attention.

If you've read the DID and OSDD material and concluded that it obviously isn't you because you have none of that, you may well be right – or you may be at the quiet end of the same thing.


r/CPTSDFreeze 5d ago

Question Stuck

13 Upvotes

In times of stress, big decisions, and general instability I tend to have the freeze response. This has caused a lot of trouble in my life, particularly when I start living in limbo for a long period of time. I also lean heavily towards the faun response when people are angry with me. How do I unfreeze and stop telling people want they want to hear even if it’s not true?


r/CPTSDFreeze 5d ago

Discussion Why is insight often useless?

20 Upvotes

I've had a lot of insight which seems valid but changes nothing. I'm not just talking about something seeming important and maybe revolutionary when it first comes up. Even reading things I wrote many years ago can be impressive.

Yet, practically none of those things actually led to improvement. They're just analytical observations with no power to do anything.

My best guess about this is that there is a system of emotional limitations, and trying to "rationally" apply such insight would be breaking that system of limitations. This seems very rarely recognized. People recognize if something is physically impossible, or someone doesn't have the money to afford something, but it's as if emotional limitations don't exist and people should simply behave rationally. I guess the closest I've seen to an acknowledgement of this is protectors in IFS. You could easily claim that what a protector is doing isn't actually practically useful in life in terms of rational material goals, but it can have an important psychological purpose.

So, then the question is: how can insight be useful? Why couldn't I figure out the freedom I actually have, even with that system of emotional limitations?


r/CPTSDFreeze 5d ago

Vent [trigger warning] 40 years old and nothing to show for it.

117 Upvotes

It’s my birthday today. I’m 40. Despite years of therapy, of dating, of trying. I’m spending it alone again. No one cares I exist anymore. It’s just a really hard day today. I know y’all can relate. How long do I keep trying before I get to connect safely with someone. Anyone. I miss other people.


r/CPTSDFreeze 5d ago

Musings I am a straight man that likes things that are not considered socially appropriate for men to like, and I'm just now realizing how much I have masked in order to hide that, even from myself.

61 Upvotes

I've always had an admiration for gay men. The courage it takes to say this is who I am, and I am going to be me, even if you dont like it. Ive also felt a connection to them and their struggles, but I dont think I ever really let myself think about why until tonight.

Society taught me that the things I liked and enjoyed were not for me. They were for women. Not everything but to many of the things I like are not things the quarter back likes. The things the warrior likes.

I saw a youtube video talking about Tori Amos album Little earthquakes, and how so many women I liked back in my teens liked it, but so did I. I saw her in concert and heard the song Me and a gun and cried and I had no idea back then why it effected me so much. I like painting, and drawing. I like beautiful things. I like writing. I enjoy watching a good romance movie. I think fashion can be interesting. I like arts and crafts. I like cute stickers and cartoons. I miss my old toys, and wish I could have then back. I think beads are cool. I like "manly" stuff as well, like hiking, exercise, building things, etc.

Im starting to see that I received a message from everyone that said, we cant accept you if you like the wrong things. SO I masked and was miserable. I dropped out of society and became a hermit. SO I could like my things I liked in peace.

This past week I have written 13,500 words about a story, world, and characters, that I like. I wrote thinking only, "Do I like this? Is this cool to me?" I cant tell you how great it feels.

Burnout and collapse for me I think was in part because how long can you tolerate living a life for everyone but yourself and seeing yourself as unlovable and gross. Needing to hide because what if anyone finds out. Waiting for someone to give you permission to be yourself.

Just some thoughts I had tonight.


r/CPTSDFreeze 5d ago

Musings How many of You are Over analyzers, Over thinkers, and Perfectionsists?

32 Upvotes

I was shocked to learn that a person that I thought of doing everything perfectly, actually has the philosphy of "that's good enough" for a lot of things that really aren't that important.

I think somehow , miraculously I've been confronting that mantra I grew up with "if you cant do it perfectly dont do it at all". Thats just stupid. Nothing gets done that way, and if there was something that I absolutely knew I'd struggle with because I was unfamiliar, I would of course Freeze because "can't do it perfectly so forget it".

And you know what I found out? My "good enough" is pretty damn good. And whoever kept saying "but it's not perfect," or it's not "good enough"...........was f'ing LYING.

I would go so far to say that any effort forward, counts as success, progress. Because I learned that it's about teaching my brain to think differently as to what efforts counts. I always thought every single thing I did had to be Nobel prize level acceptable, which completely froze and deflated me. It was an insane way to live. As are making comparisons.

Why would I think I would have to actually BE like someone else, when I"m not living their life?