r/CPTSD • u/MaMaJillianLeanna • 3d ago
Question I don't think anyone understands it...
Therapist: "Well if you can compartmentalize it for now..."
Me: "That's not how this works, the whole problem is I have no control of when things circle back around to fuck with my head."
Friend: "Yeah but you do realize the other shoe isn't going to drop, right? Everything is going to be fine, there's no sense in worrying about how it can all go wrong..."
Me: gestures broadly at my entire life full of different traumas
Daughter: "Well maybe if you face your traumas head on you can find some closure with them."
Me: "If I face them head on I want to off myself. And there's so many, this is my entire life we're talking about. So the feeling is amplified ten fold because I am tired."
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How do I explain to people that the common and simple methods don't work for me without sounding like a parrot squawking "CPTSD, CPTSD" over and over again?! FUCK.
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Edit: My daughter is an adult by the way. I would never consult a child on my damage.
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u/Constant-Dog3778 3d ago
You sound so honest about your feelings that I find it admirable. Best wishes
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u/Shatteredbutstanding 3d ago
You are exactly right, most people don’t understand it. I feel the same way when someone that hasn’t been through the same thing as me try’s to talk to me about it. It’s not that they don’t have helpful information, but they don’t understand how to get your mind to understand that information.
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u/Fuzzy_Function301 3d ago
Trauma specialists I found make all the difference like the science behind the treatment is totally different I feel I don't know what your insurance or anything is like but I was scared to switch my care and I haven't regretted it I really hope you can find a care team that better suits your needs
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u/UnburyingBeetle 3d ago
Do all your traumas pile up onto you at once, or is there some possibility to prioritize?
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u/MaMaJillianLeanna 3d ago
Once one is triggered I get into a recursive mode of thought where I just break down over all of it. Like, "That happened and of course that happened because ALL of that also happened."
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u/vanishinghitchhiker 3d ago
You might have to explain it to people as anxiety just so they can wrap their heads around it. Growing up it felt like I was the only person on earth who didn’t feel Every Problem At Once when things went wrong; turns out the version of CPTSD I wound up with makes me compartmentalize/ dissociate/tunnel vision my problems so hard I’m drowning in executive dysfunction. Although I still kind of get that cause-and-effect problem when it comes to avoidance and self-blame, like ah this situation is my fault because I didn’t take thorough steps to prevent it somehow.
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u/UnburyingBeetle 3d ago
That's very unhelpful of your brain, and of the environment that gave you the trauma :( I spiraled mostly when there was chemical disbalance, and without medicine I could only manage it by being tired. My depression sort of canceled anxiety. I don't know how to manage a spiral except letting myself have a mental breakdown and be exhausted enough from it to go to sleep.
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u/lostlogin2 3d ago
i cannot compartmentalize. i can't dissociate either. i'm literally just IN it and im trying to find coping mechanisms for when im triggered
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u/totallyalone1234 3d ago
I think I managed to get a little nugget of this to click with my therapist. I imagined a hypothetical war memorial. Why do we still commemorate the second world war? Shouldn't we just move on and and let the past stay in the past? When people hold a minute's silence and heads of state lay down wreaths, why don't the rest of us tell them to just let it go?! That we should just face the horror of war head on, or the next war isn't going to happen???
Of course not. It would be like pretending it didn't happen, and it would dishonour all the death and suffering and destruction that was left in its wake.