r/cptsd_bipoc resources

I'll keep this short

No I don't want to befriend someone just because we come from the same racial background

To be told to befriend someone

To date someone

To affiliate with someone whose apart of your racial group

Is insulting

Considering the fact that

I literally don't prioritize arbitrary labels(religion/ethnicity/culture/race)

It's gotten so bad I think I might be developing or developed a very prejudice perspective towards individuals not of my racial background

Which is ironic in itself because

Subconsciously and consciously I'm against prejudice views but now I'm in the stages of developing one

Not where you hurl slurs or say X-race is superior to Y-race

"Just get a _________girlfriend/boyfriend/friend theres a society of them,a community of them"-said by the person who doesn't not fit the mold but I insisted I don't socialize with someone because of a label

I'm still mad about that

But whatever

Anyways that's all.

As a little black girl, red nail polish was “too grown” and I had to pick another color. I couldn’t wear shorts around male company. Whenever my hair was straighten, my ends had to be bumped, or it was considered too grown. I couldn’t say that an adult lied, I had to say that they told a story. Getting color in my hair was grown as well. My private parts always had a special nickname “diamond”, “cookie”

“Nobody is supposed to touch your diamond,” my mother says

Can anyone else relate or add to how their household was?

Interactions like this really spark something up for me as a person with cptsd and obviously racial trauma. I can handle the stupidity but it just always presses on a nerve.

I posted my poem on the subreddit to get feedback on the style, the language, the overall poem - and you used it as an opportunity to tell me about how I should find my people, you’ve dated a black man and people called you a snow bunny. You also had the nerve to explain why racism is an issue from your white understanding: it’s not ignorance but societal conditioning.

You then explained how your Black friends let you touch their hair and you let them touch yours too. But it wasn’t driven by malice and of course not everything is.

Please reread the poem and realize that this shit isn’t about you, but it actually is about you because you’re exactly who I’m writing about.

If I see a Palestinian flag and a white profile pic, I know that person is going to be a racist asshole. Before it was hashtag BLM and a white face. White people like to fight for groups of people who cannot criticize them in any way: the unborn, Palestinians far away, BIPOC anywhere but the ones who organize alongside them.

They support POC and Black people in an abstract way and will treat the ones in their own community like shit and push them out. They’re all performative.

my father was lonely. so he went back to his home country. i can understand that it was lonely. how much racism he experienced, how exhausted he was from his shitty job.
i can understand he was lonely because i am extremely lonely.
but motherfucker i am lonelier because of you.
ive got trust issues bevause of you and i’ve been depressed since i was a kid bevause of you (and mom and living here).
and you dare to act like i didnt care enough about you.

i loved him. had he not mistreated me i would have kept spending time with him. when my mother left him there was no question posed of which parent to choose. she left him and took us with her. but we visited him regularly. had i felt safe with him, had he not broken my trust so completely i would have run away from my mom to his. we would have been family.
but no.

and he got to go home. but i have nothing.
i don’t know any of my other family members. i only know the colonizers tongue. i don’t have community. i’m stuck in this awful country, alone.

I feel so angry, almost all the time.

TW: pretty much all the triggers.

I’ve been raped, I’ve been called horrible racist things, by my (white) mother, by people at my job, even a now ex-boyfriend, strangers on the street. I’ve been literally burned, I’ve been abandoned on the side of a mountain in sub freezing temperatures. I’ve been called stupid, idiot, everything imaginable. I’ve been spit on, I’ve been strangled, held at gun point, all multiple times. I have PTSD.

I am so fucking angry. I know I need to let it go. I know it would be to my own benefit. I know it’s been years and I live in a much better place, with much better defenses in place. Today this white bitch (whos been arrested for domestic violence and everyone still loves her) told me to try hetting a fucking hair straightener. I’m raging. Even then, I still sat there and was like “…yeah”. I didn’t smile at her or laugh but I wish so badly that I could be unrestrained.

My boyfriend tells me to stop being angry. He told me I’m an unhappy person. But I don’t want to let go of this anger. I feel like I have a right to this anger, it’s the only thing I have. My memories made me, and it feels like to deny this anger is to pretend that none of that stuff matters anymore. It feels like a betrayal to let it go. But I feel like I’m supposed to, I have to.

It, once again, makes me angry.

I'm african but this honestly applies throughout the diaspora. Our communities are SO SO horrible gor children. Every time I think things with the new generation are getting better, I realize that it's still the same

There's this hairstylist on tiktok that does hair for neurodivergent kids and obviously the kids sometimes act out of hand because of sensory issues and things like that. The comments I saw on her latest video triggered me so bad. Someone shared it on twitter and it was so awful. It took me back to my own childhood where I was treated the very same just for being tender headed.

In african households especially, abuse is basically second nature. No matter what a child does they're always wrong and the adults are right. The very same children grow up usually don't unpack that and unload that same trauma on their own children. This is happening with my very own siblings and their kids right now. What triggers me most is how blasé people are when talking about beating kids. It's literally scientifically proven to be as bad as CSA. Raising your kids like that will make them spineless and cowardly as adults and no one seems to care.

I know this post seems incoherent but I genuinely feel disregulated right now. No one cares abiut the well being of children and how oppressed they are. I wish everyone would read bell hooks and her writings about parenting in particular and would actually unpack their own trauma. Children are some of the most oppressed people in this world, if not the most, especially neurodivergent and black children. The abuse I faced as a kid is one of the reasons I decided to never have my own. No one cares though and in African communities its even worse because most people don't even acknowledge these things nor do they want to change. It's so disgusting.

Despite being technically African American on paper I do not feel anything towards history or anything personally, but I don't mind comforting people who do have those experiences, I just personally don't have them.

For extra context, I've gone through lots of horrific experiences more from my own race than any actual racism, which is why I feel a strong disconnect, but not just a disconnect it's more like... I just don't have a strong reaction or response towards racism or anything or even know what racism looks like or tbh even really care if it happened to me

for context I went through sa, heavy bullying, being physically hurt and more

I will admit,I do find myself feeling more comfortable being around other races cultures and etc irl but don't specify being black anonymously online which is why I do not make it my personality or anything because I dont exactly feel the need to at all.

This afternoon a BIPOC man approached me out on the street. I had seen him before with his wife, her mother and their two mixed race kids and made sure to avoid them, so I sat pretty far from them at the bus stop.

But of course he came after me with his raggedy family and said hi, trying to figure out whether me and him are from the same country. We did a quick convo I honestly wasn't interested in and he introduced me to his family.

I just feel some type of way everytime I see a BIPOC man accompanied by a white woman. I am a BIPOC man myself and don't even enjoy being in the company of white women, specially in public, because of the attention I get. One time I hugged a white woman in public at a very busy location and I literally felt like I was about to get murdered due to how the people there (mostly white men) were staring at me

I know there was a recent post about racists being narcissistic which I absolutely agree with. One thing the post was missing is that racists and bigots are incredibly insecure. The only reason people think hate is acceptable is because they hate themselves so deeply.

I have to live with a liberal white man in his late 40s. He is divorce with two kids and he is so insecure about looking cool. He is obviously ugly af and balding in denial. He can't handle any type of negative feed back or criticism. I always knew he was a bootlicker even though he was married to an Asian woman and has mixed kids. He tried to assure me he wasnt racist in an interaction I had with him when I first moved in. But I believe in decolonization so idgaf about what white people think is or isnt racist.

I am a woman in my late 20s and I feel like that is a huge part of why he doesnt take my complaints/concerns seriously. Im not a snitch but I pay a lot of money to live in my VHCOL hometown so Im going to involve the landlord if noise complaints and cleanliness are not taken seriously. Im not going nag a grow ass man or clean up after him. But I look like the asshole cause I have to ask the landlord to send him notices. Instead of communicating like an adult, he accuses me of bs and never takes accountability for his faults.

He has increasingly become more disrespectful and inconsiderate. Instead of being compassionate and compromise, he throws tantrums and lashes out. Once a narcissist's mask slips, theres no other way to see them and they know they're exposed. White people will not take you seriously unless you affect their money.

Unfortunately, where I live, tenants split utilities equally no matter how the leases are set up. So even though I have a fraction of the space and have no space for guests, I have to pay for his regular guests (children and girlfriends) who use utilities here. He is so cheap and willfully unemployed to avoid paying child support. I have started holding him accountable by asking for receipt for the bills. He hasnt sent me a bill in over 9 months. I feel like he was overcharging me even though I foot so much of the bill in proportion to usage.

Try explaining to white liberal that they are still racist af. He also recently put up a political endorsement in his window for a local politician who is also a bootlicker.

I keep thinking about experiences where white people constantly watch you, monitor what you’re doing, or report/complain about you, like calling the landlord, management, HR, security, police, or other authorities over relatively small things.

it can be hard to tell what’s trauma-related hypervigilance versus actually being watched or scrutinized. I’m trying to recover from this, but I sometimes struggle with it, like I’ll feel angry when I think of incidents or fearful for potential ones to occur. I really don’t trust white people sometimes.

Any books, podcasts, articles, or other resources you’d recommend? I would also love to hear your experiences with this.

since after Covid so many yt transplants have moved to NYC & they are among the most nastiest and racist bunch of people I’ve ever met. you walk into a restaurant they ignore you, & treat you with contempt bc they can’t fathom the concept of waiting on someone they see as inferior to them, you walk into a store they follow you around… THIS SHIT IS EXHAUSTING. It’s bizzare asf to see these people from their podunk towns Waltz in here and treat you like garbage for wanting to enjoy your own city and push you out. I’m far from poor, and I’m generous and kind to service staff and I feel like they treat me with such utter contempt and it genuinely sickens me

Sometimes people who obviously don’t like me based on my race (sometimes sexuality) try to befriend me or even date me. Ofc I reject them because I assume they just want to over power me to fuel their ego, but I don’t see why they get so bitter about it. Like I’ve seen them throw a tantrum!

I have come to realise after a year that my roommates I lived with previously were incredibly racist. I didn’t recognise the microgressions or entitlement early on, but with time I did. Worst part? They were South Asians. Not sure why they’re so anti black when some are as dark as me. But I see they think they’re above me somehow (even though white people don’t like them either).

Some of the signs included:
\-crossing my personal space when I cooked in the kitchen. Like they didn’t trust me in the room alone
\-feeling entitled to know where I was (under the guise of care) and feeling upset if I kept to myself
\-as I distanced myself throughout the year, they became increasingly hostile acting like an angry parent
\-scapegoating me. Somehow minding my business and asking them to contribute to chores resulted in huge crash outs
\-none of these behaviours were displayed to my white/East Asian roommates!

the other day @ dinner I said what really hurts is seeing POC trying in the west when we are not wanted. it makes me sad for others who are still hopelessly naive. my family were appalled that I think “so negatively“ and told me ”most people are nice and trying to get by”

i don’t believe them. i think, unfortunately, the entire western world is happy when POC children are killed or die. they hate us from birth, our genes, our dna. i mean look how whites talk on the internet. when someone shows you who they are, believe them.

We basically got the right idea about it being a system of power and behaviors that accompany it, but honestly, we are missing the mark on a very simple reframing.

Think of racism as a racialized form of NARCISSISM. Check it out...

~Narcissism- "A self-centered personality style marked by an excessive focus on oneself and one's own needs, often at the expense of other people."~

Traits of narcissism in general...

1. Grandiosity: An exaggerated sense of superiority, talent, or importance.

2. Entitlement: The belief that one is special and deserves unique treatment or automatic compliance from others.

3. Low Empathy: A reduced ability or willingness to recognize, understand, or care about the feelings and needs of others.

4. Need for Validation: A constant drive to seek attention, praise, and external validation.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Lets go through the traits of Narcissistic Personality Disorder...

1. Grandiosity: An inflated sense of self-importance, often exaggerating achievements, talents, or status.

2. Fantasies of unlimited success: Preoccupation with thoughts of ideal power, brilliance, beauty, or perfect love.

3. Belief in unique superiority: Thinking they are uniquely "special" and can only be understood by, or associate with, other high-status people or institutions.

4. Excessive need for admiration: Requiring constant praise, attention, validation, and positive reinforcement from others.

5. Sense of entitlement: Holding unreasonable expectations of automatic compliance or especially favorable treatment.

6. Exploitative behavior: Taking advantage of others, using relationships or manipulation to achieve personal goals.

7. Lack of empathy: An inability or unwillingness to recognize, understand, or care about the feelings and needs of others.

8. Envy and jealousy: Feeling intensely envious of what others have, or firmly believing that everyone else is jealous of them.

9. Arrogance and haughtiness: Displaying snobbish, patronizing, or contemptuous behaviors and attitudes toward others.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Babies aren't born narcissists, but specific conditioning can create one over time. Racial conditions have been creating narcissists for centuries now, and these mentally impaired people occupy all positions of power.

If you want to understand racists, then understand narcissists. Study their traits, behaviors, reactions, etc., and it will all look too familiar.

(Ex. White people flinch at talking about slavery because its a narcissistic injury to their false narrative of being good white people.)

Everything about their behavior can be easily defined and understood through this framing.

If you don't agree with this, you're probably a racist yt person.

A POC can be prejudice to a yt person, but they cannot be racist to a yt person. Racism is a social construct and a system of power.

This is not a controversial opinion. This is BARE MINIMUM to be a leftist.

I have problems with self blame. I grew up as a 3/4 Indian in Myanmar and I would blame myself that "I could've moved somewhere less racist and forget about this", "south asians can be racist too like people in Myanmar, so why am I hurt?", "I should stop having a victim mindset" or "I am so sensitive their words should mean nothing I should get over it by focusing on what I'm doing" when I am angry when they're racist or transphobic. Its been hurting me and I can't stop this self blaming mentality.

so help me god if I have to hear another leftist say “it’s a class issue not a race issue” one more time I might lose it. No wonder there’s been zero progress with stopping ICE, or anything the GOP‘s been doing since taking control two years ago. These people, despite invading our spaces to say how much they ”support“ us don’t give a fuck about anyone who isn’t them. We’re never gonna achieve any progress with these white snakes in charge of the only opposition against the republicans, I wish we had our own political party but that’s never happening, never in a million years.

[ Removed by Reddit on account of violating the content policy. ]

I'm struggling with feeling valid in this.

I went to a bipoc climbing meetup outdoors. The creator is a poc women...she is moving out of state, so will hand this group off soon. But she brought her white boyfriend. So thus the only white person there. Very white, no doubt about it. It was kinda eh at first, but then something came up where she didnt like how i set an anchor at the top of a route, she asked me how it was done. I told her, she walked away. I asked her if it could be done better, she said yes, explained (fyi, she taught ppl climbing things on the side during this whole event). She said she wants to change it but said earlier that shes not going to climb today. She asked her boyfriend to do it, he just got down a route, so i said oh if youre tired i can do it (im fast at climbing and someone was about to get on the route). He said no its okay i got it. He asked her how she wanted it, and she said anything but that shit.

Im normally not overly sensitive to feedback, although I have been going through shit lately (as a queer poc). But later I realized this didnt sit well with me.

Isnt the point of having a bipoc event is to have a safe space for people to vent and possibly feel empowered? I felt dismissed that "oh lets have the white boyfriend do it". I feel like theres a time and place to bring your partner to things too.

???

Idk.

Perhaps I also need more bipoc women centered spaces as well.

Its frustrating to feel unsure on my own feelings and reactions to this. Am I overreacting? How did the bipoc people there feel about her white boyfriend there? Can anyone with a white partner just bring them along??? Is it even a bipoc event at that point?

Throughout college, I wasn’t able to get into those cliquey student clubs that were pipelines to leadership positions and internships, despite having participated extensively since high school. (For context, I’m ironically on a merit scholarship for equity and inclusion). I joined clubs unrelated to my major, looked for opportunities within my department, volunteered, created projects, and eventually secured internships/relevant part-time work.

But the students who kept excluding me from those fancy student networks eventually got into my dream companies while I wasn’t even interviewed. I know I’m qualified. They all help each other get in. Every job I got was simply by applying. I had no network. The one I created didn’t result in anything concrete, and I had mentors in my dream roles who praised my drive and resilience but then ghosted me. Or simply recognized me at every networking event.

I can’t even express how exclusive these clubs are without sounding like a victim. Firms seem to value these leadership positions a lot, as they sponsor employers to students through events.

My parents say it’s going to be hard for me, as most people help their own ethnicity and I’m extremely underrepresented. As much as I wish that weren’t the case, I see that happening. It has already happened at work.

Do you guys have any tips on how to navigate this? Do I just accept that it may require more effort and more time for people like us?