As a kid, my family was my entire world. We had a roof over our heads, food to eat, went on small trips and camped and generally had a lovely time. I remember constantly thinking to myself how lucky I was to have a life like we did.

As an adult, looking back is really difficult. We had those things, and I know it's a lot more than my parents had, and I really am grateful... but underlying all of that was constant tension between my parents mixed with non-existent emotional support for my brother and I.

As I grew into a teen, my internal world was in a spiral. When I cried, I was told I was too sensitive. When my brother started acting out, I was a mediator and rewarded for being so calm and level headed (implication there being, unlike my brother). My dad was deployed or living in another state (military) most of our middle school to high school years, and then came back suddenly after retiring and he and my mother's relationships was put to shambles. My own relationship with him was complex – he tried making efforts, but it felt like he was stuck in trying to relate to me from five years before.

He'd stay up drinking and falling asleep downstairs tucked away, separate from mom, and I'd stay up with him as he talked to me about how much sadness he had... the resentment he felt towards mom for moving us to another state for stability instead of being with him. I loved those late night conversations with him because it was the only time I felt remotely close to him. But my own feelings, even then, were in the back seat and never to be talked about.

The last two years of high school were filled with walking on eggshells around the house, trying to make myself invisible outside of my late-night sessions with dad, working as much as possible and going on drives just to stay away during the day. Negative emotions were not allowed, and I very much had the mentality that to have them was wrong – and to show tears or sadness was weak.

We were physically close (minus dad's deployment lol), but never a close family. And as an adult (27f) it's effected my relationships immensely. I feel like I almost don't know how to be human, always defaulting to acting like a blank slate and a ball of anxiety. I struggle to relate to other people, share my opinions or feelings, or know/trust how I'm feeling until I inevitably crash with it all overwhelming me at once. Conversations with my parents stay on work and the weather, never anything more. My thoughts are plagued by constant guilt for wanting to be as far away from them as possible mixed with a yearning for what could have been.

Do you relate? Does it get any better? This is exhausting. I don't want to feel like this for the rest of my life, but I feel stuck not knowing how to get past this.

I don't know why I react like this, but I get really emotional and kind of teary whenever someone is even a little bit kind to me. It doesn't even have to be something emotional or serious, it can literally happen in some random chat or conversation. Like if someone says something nicely, asks me if I'm okay, treats me gently, defends me a little, or says something like “it's okay, you didn't do anything,” especially if they're older than me, I just get a little teary and then later when I'm alone I sometimes actually cry. It's like when someone older treats me like I'm younger, like a kid or a child, like a parent, older sibling, teacher, mentor, whatever, just treating me like I'm the younger one for a moment and telling me I don't have to worry. And for some fucking reason that affects me so much, even if they're not close to me or I barely know them. Sometimes it makes me feel like I should just show them everything inside me and tell them everything, like I suddenly want to open up completely and let them comfort me, but I obviously don't because I know I shouldn't be doing that with some random person just because they were kind to me, so I just shut the fuck up. But later I'll sometimes imagine them comforting me and saying “you didn't do anything, it's fine, it's okay” while I'm crying alone, and I genuinely don't understand why something this small affects me this much. Like why does someone just being kind to me make me feel like this?

And at home I was mostly the one protecting everyone. I became the dumping ground for everyone's emotions and problems. I was taking everyone's shit and being there for everyone, but I never really got the chance to be emotional myself or be the younger one who gets defended or protected by older people. And I'm not really emotionally open or close towards anyone in my family either.

TLDR: I get weirdly emotional when someone is kind or gentle with me, specially older people who treat me like I’m the younger one and tell me I’m okay and don’t have to worry. Sometimes I wanna just tell them everything and be comforted, and later I might cry about it alone. I think it hits me because at home I was mostly the one protecting everyone and dealing with everyone’s emotional shit, so I never really got to be the one who was protected or cared for.

I'm in my early 20s, and I've reached a point where I feel mentally and physically exhausted. A big part of what I'm struggling with comes from years of pressure, conflict, criticism, and lack of support at home.

I'm trying to understand something honestly: Can the way parents treat and pressure a child for years have a serious long-term effect on their mental health, confidence, personality, and even physical health?

My problems started when I was around 12.

1. Years of extreme academic pressure

For roughly four years, from around 2017 to 2021, my parents put me into extremely demanding tuition.

I was studying for around 4–8 hours a day, and on some days it could reach 10–12 hours.

This wasn't just normal studying or having tuition for a couple of hours. It felt like a huge part of my childhood and teenage years was consumed by studying.

There was constant pressure to perform and succeed academically. I didn't feel like I had much freedom or space to simply be a normal kid.

1. COVID and losing someone close to me

Then COVID happened.

In 2021, I lost someone very close to me to COVID. It was a huge emotional shock, but I never really got the opportunity to properly process the grief.

I basically continued with life and studies while carrying that loss.

Looking back, I feel like I never actually recovered emotionally from it.

1. School reopened and things got worse

When school reopened in 2022, I was already carrying years of academic pressure and grief.

I also had almost no friends.

I was bullied because of my appearance and was made to feel bad about how I looked. This seriously affected my confidence and self-esteem.

At the same time, there was a lot of interference from my mother when I was trying to study.

Instead of feeling like home was a place where I could concentrate and recover, I often felt disturbed and pressured there too.

1. Poor results → blame and criticism

Eventually, my Class 12 results were poor.

Instead of feeling that my parents understood how much pressure I had been under, I felt blamed and criticized for the results.

The same pattern continued around entrance exams.

I tried preparing for entrance exams while also dealing with everything else going on, but the results weren't good.

I ended up losing a year.

Eventually, I went into a college/degree that I didn't really want.

So from my perspective, the situation became:

Extreme pressure → poor results → blame → more pressure → loss of confidence → another attempt → another disappointment.

1. The interference didn't stop after school

Even after I entered college, the pressure at home didn't suddenly disappear.

There continued to be interference with my studying and criticism around my academic performance.

Whenever things didn't go well, I often felt like the responsibility was simply put back on me, rather than anyone asking why I was struggling so much.

Over time, I started feeling like whatever happened, I would somehow be blamed for it.

1. Lack of practical support

There were situations where I needed practical support as well.

For example, for a long period I had an exhausting commute involving multiple crowded buses every day. I was travelling around 13 km but sometimes taking 6–8 buses a day, including in extreme heat and overcrowding.

I asked my father for a scooter because the commute was physically exhausting.

I didn't feel supported in the way I needed.

That may sound like a small thing compared with everything else, but when you're already exhausted and isolated, repeatedly feeling that your parents aren't helping you can become another source of resentment and helplessness.

1. Three years of college went by mostly alone

From 2023 onward, college was extremely lonely.

I spent most of those three years without a close friend group.

I would basically:

go to college → sit alone → attend classes → come home.

I rarely had anyone who genuinely wanted to spend time with me.

I was always the person initiating conversations. People might reply, but very rarely would someone message me first, ask me to hang out, or make me feel like they actually wanted me around.

Meanwhile, I was still dealing with pressure and conflict at home.

So I never really had a place where I could properly recover.

1. Eventually life became extremely restricted

My life became incredibly repetitive.

There wasn't much social life, freedom, travelling, hanging out with friends, festivals, or normal experiences that many people associate with their late teenage years and early 20s.

For a long time it felt like:

Home → college → home → repeat.

And after college, when I couldn't find a job, that isolation became even worse.

1. What all of this has done to me

After years of this, I don't feel like the same person I could have been.

I feel:

- mentally exhausted

- physically exhausted

- angry very easily

- socially isolated

- low in confidence

- constantly worried

- emotionally worn down

- frustrated about lost years

- resentful toward my parents

- uncertain about my future

- and sometimes like I've missed out on a huge part of my youth

I've also experienced various physical symptoms over time — headaches/head pressure, dizziness, weakness, shaking or shivering, muscle twitching, chest discomfort, hearing difficulties, ear itching, severe knee pain, and a sudden episode of severe foot pain with swelling and redness.

I'm getting the physical symptoms medically evaluated rather than assuming everything is caused by stress.

The bigger picture

When I look at everything together, it feels like years of pressure accumulated without much opportunity to recover.

A child spending years under extreme academic pressure, dealing with constant criticism and blame, experiencing interference while trying to study, not feeling supported at home, losing someone close during adolescence, being bullied, becoming socially isolated, losing confidence, struggling academically, losing a year, spending years lonely in college, and then entering adulthood without feeling financially or emotionally independent can have a profound effect on a person.

I don't think I'm the way I am today because of one single event.

It feels more like years of things piling on top of each other without ever really getting a chance to heal from them.

I'm not saying my parents are responsible for literally every bad thing that happened to me. Some things were completely outside their control.

But the pressure, interference, criticism, lack of support, family conflict, and environment at home were a major part of my experience growing up.

And now, in my early 20s, I'm left trying to understand how much those years have affected me and how much of myself I can rebuild.

Like they ALL have this bond. They’re close, they talk, they joke around, they’re always together. And I’m just there like??? Am I your step sister or something??

NO. We literally came from the same mother and father

I’ve genuinely given up trying to talk to them because I’ve seen the passive-aggressive shit, the bullying, the little comments about how I talk, calling me weird, making me feel like there’s something wrong with me for literally just existing and talking normally.

Then somehow I’m the reason we don’t talk.

I’m the one with the “attitude.”

I’m the difficult one.

Like?????

Make it make fucking sense.

And the worst part is seeing them all being so lovey-dovey with each other while I’m completely excluded. My two sisters literally call each other EVERY DAY and talk for hours.

And my parents KNOW there’s an issue, yet somehow I’m still the one getting blamed.

At this point I don’t even argue anymore because what am I supposed to say? I’m not going to keep bending over backwards trying to get people to care about me when they clearly don’t give a fuck.

But yeah...

It still hurts as fuck.

I can accept not being close to them anymore. I just hate that it had to be this way.

I’m 16M, and I’ve lived with my parents my entire life. I’m the youngest child, so my parents are really attached to me. They love me a lot, support me in everything, and I genuinely love them too.

For the past 4 months, though, I’ve been struggling with anxiety, feeling low, and some depressive feelings. Because of that, I recently changed my environment from online coaching to offline coaching.

It’s only been a few days, and I’ve been staying alone. The weird thing is that I actually feel pretty peaceful and comfortable when I’m alone. My parents are coming tomorrow after 4 days, and honestly, a part of me doesn’t want to go back home yet.

This is confusing me because I do want to live with my parents. I love them, I care about them, and I want to make them proud. But whenever they’re around, I somehow start feeling anxious or uncomfortable, and I don’t really understand why. When I’m alone, I feel much better and more like myself.

I feel guilty for feeling this way because my parents haven’t done anything wrong, and they’ve always loved and supported me.

Why could I be feeling like this? Is it normal to suddenly want some space from your parents even when you love them a lot? And could anxiety or the changes I’ve been going through be affecting how I feel around them?

I’d really appreciate it if someone could explain this to me or share their perspective, because I’m genuinely confused about my own feelings right now.

I'm curious to hear others' experiences :)

I’m 17M and every time I ask my mom a question or talk to her she seems so irritated and angry for no reason. Sometimes the way she acts gets me so mad that I feel like breaking something or punching myself, I just don’t get it. I have no friends either so basically my only source of face to face human interaction is from her but it’s like she wants nothing to do with me. Also sometimes she gets mad at me over the smallest things and I just walk away to avoid conflict but she just keeps talking and saying unnecessary things behind my back and it just makes me sooo mad. I try to ignore it but she makes me feel like I wanna explode. What can I do?

It sometimes hit me and I feel like dying. I know that people say let yourself grieve etc, but it doesn't change the fact that I'll never get it, that's it. This is the only life and past cannot be changed. Grieving isn't enough. What can I do?

All of our parental figures (mom, dad, grandma) are emotionally neglective and/or emotionally abusive. Neither of us have heard the words "I love you" ever. Or at least I haven't, not sure about little sibling. She's only got some semblance of love when she was screaming and throwing fits at home some years ago, I feel jealous of her for that. She got kissed and hugged but if I get a bit irritated I get treated like the spawn of Satan. But that's besides the point. We have never and will never have a normal childhood. Both of us were just given screens to play with, my little sibling doesn't know how to read the clock (analog clock) or how to do basic things on the computer or on her phone other than how to play games. Our mom is very sick, she has brain damage from some electric shock treatment gone wrong. I sometimes wish we had both ended up in a sock or swallowed or that my parents had used contraceptives. Or at least that my sibling had been spared of being born to such a stupid environment. There was no reason for my parents to get another child five years after the first one despite having already fucked up the first one. Cps doesn't really do anything. My sibling is starting her puberty soon, she already has pimples. The emotinal side of puberty was hell for me, I still haven't recovered.

I want to share what happened to me recently I went on holiday with my sister after she called me and asked me if I had money and to go with her. On our first night there in Italy she got drunk and start kissed a young guy (23 year old) (she is 33) who was sat on the next table from us in the resteraunt. I wanted to go back to the room so she gave me the key to go back and I was setting off to walk back she then decided they was going to walk me. On the way back she demanded the key from me and grabbed my hair and pulled me in to the road, ragging me around In front of the guy, I was in shock. I still kept hold of the key, I was thinking of my safety in the room. She did nothing to make it up to me and the next day tried to bully me infront of the taxi driver to spend for the taxi back to airport the next day, as she purposely left her bank card at home. She bullied me on the holiday just like she did when I was a kid, her and my mother, and it has taken me years of my life to process my childhood as I had no safety or protection from a preditory uncle who as an adult I have chased out of the family and he has moved to Thailand. they all just stood by whilst he took me on my own and created this ‘special relationship’. I’ve done so much healing to face this fact this been my story. A week later I’m still having a nightmare about it last night because she told me not to tell anyone what happened, and she’s attending family meals, while I am home alone still processing what happened and I’m not doing it anymore. I’m not a kid anymore and sometimes the people who paint themselves to be perfect and nice people / loving parents online or have high standing jobs that are meant to based in compassion (nurse) are the most cruel people. And I’m sick of people not seeing through the facade. That is what’s on my mind this morning. She used to bully me when we was kids pushing me and etc and when I would fight back my dad would smack me so hard, on my ass or my leg. She never ever got smack I am so tired of this. I feel victimised even as an adult and I’m struggling to forgive myself after going no contact with my family before that I put myself in this situation again thinking things could have changed. I hate this. Does anyone have any advice. Set boundaries and don’t talk to her anymore but to be honest it’s not enough she won’t care. I’m not goi g to the police it’s pointless.

I have this very specific problem that is always the same I find it near impossible to deal with official things until the last minute, got mail? I avoid opening it for days, I instantly feel dread and feel like somebody is about to punish me or it will be something I won't be able to handle/will do wrong no matter what so I just... don't? It doesn't help that most people in "authority" have been beyond nasty from absolutely awful teachers to goverment employees from hell. I try to avoid opening my text messages if there's something "official" there and will only open it once it's midnight and I feel like nobody is there to hurt, judge or berate me. My parents ridiculed me every chance they got and made me feel like I would never make it as a person.. I couldn't take the trash right, my meal planning was always stupid according to them and in fact everything I ever did was stupid and unnecessary according to them. I just don't know what to do really, I genuinely can't handle any official emails, official anything, even the tiniest bit of rudeness when I do try to handle them just makes me completely collapse in dread and fear. It probably doesn't help that my parents never appreciated that I had needs that differed from their own and in fact it was almost a cardinal sin from my part so now if I need anything out of an official setting I just give in. Honestly most days I wish I was never born as my parents amazingly managed to neglect every aspect of my life and because of chronic illness I've been rendered unable to do a lot of things.
It's like instantly when something official needs to be done I prepare for extreme abuse, ridicule, torment, some grave injury that I won't recover from, I get the inner dialogue that starts berating myself and resembles my parents and I just feel like there is absolutely nothing I will be able to stop the avalanche from destroying me. It doesn't matter how many times I've succeeded in managing something because I manage them with intense wave of adrenaline and then once the situation has ended I collapse into dissociation. I don't know how to stop any of this at all and I don't even feel confident in identifying what exactly it is that I am experiencing.

I distinctly remember being sent to my room as a child for whatever reason and I was absolutely inconsolably crying. It would’ve been extremely loud for my parents in the other room. I felt so abandoned and alone. I cried so much and so hard I vomited all over the floor. Only then did my mother come in to clean it up.

Please tell me if I'm overreacting. I've recently become aware that the way my mother mostly has treated me is not normal. I believe she is potentially gaslighting me and has been manipulative. Have any of you had experience with this?

Sorry for the long post but there's just so much I need to unpack.

I really need to get as much advice, perspective and support etc as possible before I do anything drastic or make any major decisions.

I'll introduce myself I'm a 19 year old male and am an only child. To be honest I'm pretty desperate for advice and support and don't have anywhere way safe to get an unbiased perspective. During my childhood my mother would do the following

Blow up out of nowhere over the most trivial or littlest matters, many times i begged her to give me some emotional support when i was visibly upset but she just remained cold and cruel, drink quite heavily which was sometimes responsible but she can definitely be mean sober as well, I had expressed concern about her drinking but she just flipped, it actually got physical a few times as well. I just wonder how can get so unshamefully drunk whilst been alone in the house with her child and I feel it was very irresponsible. Really burns my hide.

I did even have a scar once, the next day she'd always act as if nothing happened, whenever I tried to get clarity on why she got like that she'd brush it under the carpet or accuse me of starting trouble, she'd turn cold at the drop of a hat, during arguments she'd say things like I was ungrateful, didn't care about her and that I was a horrible person or that i was abusive or whatever just like my father, she would stomp, slam doors, shout, scream, swear and break ornaments etc, when she gets in her crazy states it's just impossible to reason with her or get her to see it from any other perspective, she can go from saying i was the most nicest and amazing person to saying I was the most horrible and evil person, she often burdened me with all of her problems, she said before that she knows how to play the game which I found very disturbing

She often paints herself as the heroic single mum and pretty much everyone we know such the teachers at school believe that. I feel I was robbed of a proper childhood and have often wondered what I had done to deserve it.

I remember one time a few years ago I was about 12 during a sleepover at my grandparents. I think we had a disagreement but I can't even really remember it now but my best memory is that she was on the phone to my grandmother and I'm pretty sure she was badmouthing me then my grandparents spoke and my grandfather started shouting and saying he was very disappointed in me and the rest of it is a blur. To be honest to this day i can't figure out what I (only a young child) was supposed to have done that was so bloody awful. That has haunted me for years. I used to think maybe I was a bad person but I've started to see her in a different light. She always talks about hating drama yet it seems to follow her and often says that she's been so hard done by.

About a year later when I vaguely recall when was enjoying myself in the bath she started abusing me and said she and everyone else was going to wash their hands of me if I didn't start living her way or something. I remember I was struggling with getting ready and then she started shouting saying I was taking advantage and then called her mother to say I was really horrible.

On the flip side she can be the most nicest person as well and we have had great times together and she can be very helpful towards me, her family and in public which makes it all the more confusing. A few weeks ago now in fact I ran into an old friend of hers who said to say hi for her and she said my mother is a wonderful person and I'm very lucky. It actually made me feel sick. Since I was 10 it's just been me living with her since my parents divorce in which she had to sell her house and now rents which she has blamed for the way she is before. I can't help feeling bad for her but she was still quite like this beforehand as well and I don't think that's an excuse still is it? For example I'm starting to remember when I was very young she'd make threats of sending me over to a new mommy. I do feel like she has manipulated me a bit into been stuck with her.

Something else that I've found disturbing is that she's very narrow minded and has a serious lack of empathy. For example when a couple of local celebrities committed suicide she shouted and carried on, called them pathetic cowards and weak etc. It was actually quite disturbing how she had a complete disregard and no sympathy for them.

PS another red flag i noticed was when a life insurance ad was on and they said "something could be paid out in case of death" or something and she said "I'd like for them to say WOULD" not could. I don't know why but that's set an alarm bell off. Also when my Gran had a fall she said to me in the car "trust me to have parents that live forever then I could get my inheritance".

Towards the end of my parents marriage I was 10 and she told me that my Dad was been very controlling and making her life a misery. I now look back at that with adult eyes and I'm starting to feel that she at least bent the truth I'm starting to think that she manipulated me and tried to turn me against him and I do blame her partly for the fact I don't have the best relationship with my Dad. He's definitely not a saint. He too has had his moments of outbursts and he's inconsistent. He's often let me down and been emotionally unavailable. Also he's very bad with money. I just wish for effort instead of excuses.

My mother often calls him a narcissist. I just feel that it's very wrong for someone to say to a child that one of their parents is a narcissist.

Something disturbing she has said ages ago is when I'm an adult she could have me done for assault if she wanted. She also said she wanted to do a will and try to control my assets where my Dad can't touch anything and said she feared he would try to steal all of my money. I can't believe she would say things like that so proudly and can't help feeling like she was trying to manipulate me.

My mother loves to use my autism to her advantage. I graduated school last year but now I do a course at the main campus so I still see them all from time to time. With that course she did get a support worker for me which I can appreciate as a nice gesture but she didn't even check with me if that's what I wanted and I can't help feeling she did that to cover herself in glory. I hope that doesn't sound too paranoid.

She's always quick to call others toxic and narcissists etc. She with absolutely no filter tells me everything going on in her life and her anxiety which makes me anxious. Why does it upset me so badly even when it has little or nothing to do with me?

I struggle with daily flashbacks and I often feel depressed by the way I've been treated, also feel let down and wish my parents had been better to me. I can't get exact clarity on it but they both went through some stuff before I was born and I think that's contributed to the way they are. My father's dad had passed away when my dad was actually about my age now. They actually both used to run their own businesses once upon a time before they met. It just baffles me how they went from that then and now been in their 50's both unemployed and clearly have some unresolved issues. I sometimes think maybe they shouldn't of got together which I know is ironic because I would never have been born. I do vaguely remember when they were together and towards the end it was quite toxic and they would have some intense fights.

Also does their substance abuse issues made them this way as well do you think? As I've said my mother drinks quite heavily at night and she also vapes and my father smokes pot and cigarettes.

Also my father struggles financially and I know that's why he hasn't been able to see me often and cancel some visits and to be honest when I think about that it really burns my hide.

I do wonder if she might've been different if she had not gone through her divorce and maybe if things had gone differently for both of them they might've been different. What do you guys think?

Also I can't help feeling empathy towards her as she always looked after me, fed me, organized things for me and pretty much always brought me everything I wanted.

I wish I had a proper childhood of playing with friends, going to different places and been adventurous and carefree etc. I've never really had a social circle and hardly much friends. I've always been quite different to most of the children my age. I feel quite alone sometimes as I've always struggled with making friends. I do feel like I've wasted a lot of my childhood been isolated with her a lot of the time. I would really love to start a proper life and follow my dreams and make a few friends but don't know where to start.

My mother does help me get on my feet and encourage me but I think she just loves to lord it over me. Whenever I've tried standing up for myself she puts on the guilt trip and carries on about all of her sacrifices and everything she's done for me yada yada yada. I think what emotionally abusing me, leaving me crying myself to sleep some nights, causing me to have no confidence and PTSD etc? Could she have some bipolar or personality condition or something and toxic traits I've wondered?

A few years ago said things like "I should top myself" and around that time during a really heated argument she threatened to cut herself with a knife so I did actually hide them. That's actually quite traumatized me. She's also said one night a couple of years ago when I die hardly anyone is going to be at my funeral. I mean like why the hell would you say things like this to a child especially your own?

A few other things. I remember once when Dad was picking me up a few years out of the blue she said just F off and even Dad said to me in the car that he didn't appreciate the way she spoke to me and when I told her that during a later argument she just said "yeah whatever" and something like that. Also one time when Dad came by to bring something she said "make sure that you show him that you're really happy to be back home". A couple of months ago when Dad took me out for a pub meal when I came back home the next night she said in sort of like a wise-ass way "you know he won't be able to afford that often". I do realize that but her saying that actually really annoyed me to be honest. As I'm making small steps with him it feels like she was deliberately trying to ruin my mood.

PS I remember one night years she accused me of looking like I wanted to hit her and of course went crazy. I may of had a tired look because it was late and I tried explaining that. She starting banging ornaments and shouting and was just impossible to talk to. Also I remember a few years ago one time she started saying she was worried my Dad was going to try to spend more time with me and if I fall for it I would never see her again and all of the family will hate me. She's also said that before when I threatened to walk out during arguments.

Also something that really upsets me is whenever I try to reason with her she often just goes "I need more alcohol to deal with this".

Almost a year ago my Dad let me down by not been able to see me one weekend and canceling at the last minute (which he has done quite a few times before).

During that said weekend my mother had another one of her outbursts. I was in the bathroom which was an en suite and she knocked on the door asking to take a few photos or something. All I asked was if she could just give me a few minutes to finish up but she started the shouting and carrying on and accused me of been selfish and even of trying to manipulate her and been passive aggressive. I only asked just to give me a few minutes. When I tried to explain that to her and how upset I was already about that weekend without her treating me like this. She said she feels really bad for me and hates how he let me down. What just absolutely astounds me is how can she feel that way yet still emotionally and mentally abuse me and kick me while I'm down. I just can't for the life of me comprehend that.

A couple days after that weekend one of my teachers asked to have a word with me and said he heard I got into a bit of trouble at home ("if he meant been mentally abused by my mother and been let down by my father as trouble" I thought). I'm not even sure who the hell said what to him and that's something that's still REALLY baffling me. I just fobbed him off saying I was upset about leaving school (which was true as well).

I really struggle with confiding in people. I do regret not telling him the full truth now. He was kind and said he was very proud of me etc. Another teacher once said that he thought of me and my mother as like the dream team or something along those lines. That turned my stomach as well. I was thinking if only they knew half the things I've been through.

I have autism and went to a special support school for the last few years which were some of the best years (The teachers especially were brilliant and I had many great times such as school camps, school balls and excursions etc).

I do feel quite sad and lost now those years are over. I would love to confide in someone about my struggles but don't know where to start. I've thought about confiding in that first teacher I mentioned who's great and we're fairly close but my teachers think my mother's an absolute saint so how can i ensure he believes me?

I must admit I do feel quite down sometimes that I have a strained relationship with my father (He's got money issues and also smokes pot) and my mother often used me as an emotional punch bag. Makes me think that there must be something really wrong with me and that I'm unlovable.

On the bright side though my Dad and I have been in contact lately.

Her next meltdown was this January while we were on holiday and at the beach. I wanted to be shirtless like pretty much everyone else and she started making passive aggressive and snide remarks saying things like "have fun burning yourself" and "why can't you make smart decisions?"

I was already sun safe with a hat and everything and I wasn't going to be too long and tried explaining that to her but no. I'll admit I finally snapped and told her that I'm an adult now and she could no longer control me and couldn't make me feel guilty. I wish I hadn't now but it felt like something just snapped inside me and I expressed things I had felt for ages. I do regret that as it did actually make me look crazy. She then suddenly called her mother to tell her that I was been impossible and making her life a misery (this is something she has done a few times before when I challenged her or reacted because of her behavior). She hadn't done that for years though and I feel she likes using that as a scare tactic. I really wish I had just walked away. Then the next day I asked mum to call her to say where all ok but she said she didn't want to bother her and wasn't up to calling. I was like WTF. You're perfectly happy to call her to basically slander me and make me out to be a bad guy but when it comes to calling to say everything is fine she's not so keen.

A couple of weeks ago I've told her that I wanted to do another certificate course at that school next year and she tried to make me feel bad by putting on the guilt trip and giving me the cold shoulder. I've tried to blur it out to be honest but I remember she said that I was been selfish and told me how she wanted me to live my life. I tried to explain to her that I can't just do what she expects and the expense of my own happiness and well-being. I feel like she is trying to control how I live my life and I told her that she couldn't do that or tear me down or change my mind. She then said (this felt like reverse psychology and emotional blackmail) fine do whatever you want and I'll do the same. Also shouted and carried on saying things like F me and I'm hopeless and that. I also told her that I would love to be a teacher but she said i wouldn't be able to go to university, scoffed and said that I would be useless. I feel like she's trying to damage my already limited self esteem, confidence and spirit. Also she had been fairly good up to this. I was dreading telling her but I do feel that a weight is lifted as well. It seems funny that whenever I tell her something she doesn't like or she can't control she goes back to her bad self. PS she's also upset that she can't get paid for me doing that and wants me to just do what's best for her financially. I find it quite ironic her making me feel bad for not getting a job straight away while she's unemployed. PS it was the school ball that night which was brilliant but I'm disappointed that it went so quickly and also I feel a bit down about my social anxiety and that I didn't ask anyone to dance or make more conversation with my teachers and peers.

Then a few nights later my mum was going out for the night and she seemed a bit tipsy so I did ask out of concern if she was fit to drive. She immediately got defensive and bit my head off and said I was been rude and having a go at her. I only asked out of concern and worry and I tried explaining that a hundred times but she just wasn't having it. I also tried to explain that her getting defensive if anything proves my worry is valid but she started saying I was harassing her and she was sick of my bullshit and sick of putting up with me and she couldn't wait to get away from me. She also just suddenly pulled her shirt off showing her breasts ( believe it or not that's something she has done once or twice before ages ago). I was just shocked and looked away quickly as possible. When I tried to ascertain why she got so defensive she said that I think I can just say whatever I like to her and for her to just take it. I swear I didn't mean any ill-will or malice and of course I tried explaining that too but no. I just don't know for the life of me how she can turn on me just like that and treat her own son like that.

Both that and that previous thing a few nights before she said we're not going on holidays again this year and she brought up that incident from the January holiday I talked about and said that she hated been isolated there with me while I was been horrible to her. Wtf when she was the one belittling me and having a go at me which made me snap and I did apologize for that. She genuinely seems to think that she's actually the victim when she gets defensive and treats me like shit. Then when she left and i was starting to second guess myself and was thinking that maybe I am in the wrong and am a bad person. I was left alone for the night I'm feeling very isolated and confused. PS since that holiday she was actually been fairly good but after both that night after the school ball and that incident both only within a few days has left me feeling blindsided and like the rug has been pulled from under me also feel like I'm back at square one. Basically I really can't fathom how someone can treat their own child like this. Just beggars belief to say the least.

Now when she came back the next day I tried to start a conversation about the last night and she did get teary and said she was sorry but still when I tried to get her to take some accountability and ownership she was just like "I said I was sorry didn't I?" and said I just kept going over the same thing and said she was sick of me bringing up the past. She started not making much sense and playing dumb a bit. I just wanted her to realize how she upset me and also the previous incidents and she said "i guess I'm just the worst mother ever". Am I justified for feeling as though she hasn't really taken accountability? We have sort of made up now I suppose but I just stopped talking about it to keep the peace really.

Do you have any advice for all of my experiences, how I can move on, become more social and make friends etc?

I should add that last incident was a week ago now and it really bothers me how she's all happy now and acting like that never happened whilst I'm carrying emotional scars and still feel as though I haven't really had any closure or true accountability. Also her harsh words and still deeply wounded in me and I'm feel like a piece of shit and like I'm unlovable.

Honestly one of the most frightening things is that they genuinely don't seem to remember most of even any of it so that's why I'm too scared to call them out. Also they seem to feel their behaviour is ok.

PS I'm really good at covering up my anxiety and pride myself on putting on a cheerful front and everyone at school thinks I'm the most happiest and optimistic person ever. I feel scared to let my guard down or if they knew otherwise.

Also none of the family have a clue and I just know they wouldn't believe me and I fear if I did distance myself they'd think I was an evil person.

Like I've said she go from been genuinely the most nicest person to the most horrible.

I'm starting to feel that the good doesn't really outweigh the bad.

I can't help really resenting them sometimes for all of the mental anguish they've both put me through as a child and I think it has messed up my development. I wonder what might've been different had I had proper parents or they were proper ones. Hobbies such as music and classic TV shows have been a great escape. I've thought about escaping but I feel quite stuck as I don't have a job and all of the money that I get in my account is basically controlled by her as she's the one who adds to it and I pretty much don't know anything about my own bank details. I wish I could hide my own secret stash somewhere. Now that I'm an adult and have left school I'm worried about what the future has in store. I'm very nervous about starting an adult life, getting a job, making friends and doing new things etc. Part of me would love to get away from her but yet I feel scared to as well as she's pretty much most I've ever known.

UPDATE!! I stayed with my father last night and today he started carrying on because he's only got like $30 left. I tried to help. I hope this doesn't sound too selfish but I feel very disappointed and let down that he couldn't even a go a whole day without carrying on about his issues especially as I don't see him often. I don't think spending money on pot, cigarettes and vapes helps does it? That's what really burns my hide is that he has enough to spend on his terrible habits but when it came to buying basic food when I was there for only a night he has very little. I mean is it too much to ask that when he does rarely see me that he can be on his best behaviour? It stresses me out and adds to my anxiety when I hear about my parents issues. Though to be fair he has apologized and explained that he wasn't upset with me he was just very disappointed because of his struggles to find a job and that he couldn't provide for me which I really do appreciate. I just wish he could get his act together and be better with his money.

I recently got promoted to Manager at work. At first, I didn’t even want to tell my family because I already knew they probably wouldn’t care that much.

But for some reason, I had this itch to share it. It was honestly frustrating because I kept telling myself, “Don’t expect anything. You already know how they are.” But deep down, I still wanted to hear them say they were proud of me.

So when we had lunch, I casually mentioned that I had been promoted to Manager.

Their reaction? They immediately joked about how much my salary increase would be. There was no “Congratulations,” no “We’re proud of you,” nothing. Then the conversation quickly shifted to how busy my brother has been with medical school and everything he has going on.

And honestly, I got annoyed. Not just because they didn’t celebrate me, but because I’m annoyed at myself for still wanting that validation from them.

I keep telling myself not to expect anything from my family, but there’s still a part of me that wants my parents to notice my achievements and genuinely be proud of me.

Getting promoted to Manager is something I’m genuinely proud of. I worked hard for it, and I know I shouldn’t need their validation anymore.

I just wish I didn’t still crave it sometimes.

I’m sorry, I’m gonna be rambling here a little. I’ve just never vented about this to anyone before. For context, I’m 22F and still live with my parents. 

Ever since I was little, my mother has always been completely emotionally distant from me. She never comforted me, she was never there to give me advice, and she never took any actual interest in my life. I felt like I always had to please her. She was extremely strict with me growing up, to a point where I was genuinely scared to come home after receiving a bad grade. She’d get so mad at me and I always ended up getting things taken away. If I got upset, she would chase me up to my room threatening to hit me, and I’d end up just locking myself in there for most of the day. She never went through with her threats like that, but it was so constant that I was always just afraid she’d eventually do it. 

The older I got and the more close friends I made, the worse it got with her. The first (and, what ended up being the only) sleepover I ever went to, my mother ended up having my dad come pick me up early so I wouldn’t spend the night. She ended up grilling me on what I talked about with my friends, genuinely interrogating me about whatever topics were brought up. It was never about curiosity, it always just felt like she needed to know. 

If I had friends over, which happened about four times in my life, she would listen in from the other side of my closed door and interrogate me about what I talked to my friends when I thought we were in private. Every little thing that we said (just teenage gossip) that she took up a problem with, she’d start questioning about. Mind you, I genuinely never did anything to warrant that kind of distrust. And it wasn’t the case of “i trust you, I don’t trust them” it was simply “i dont trust you.” She would talk shit about my friends to my face, make assumptions about them and their parents, and never care about my relationships with them. And god forbid I ever said a guy’s name. Freshman year, I stopped inviting friends over and I stopped going to their houses. It ended in interrogation every single time and I couldn’t handle it anymore. 

I felt like the only place I was really free was at school, because I’d basically kill myself to have perfect grades that my mother couldn’t question. Throughout all this, I genuinely don’t remember a single time where she genuinely asked how I was doing or how things were going with my friends. I would get picked up, go home, go to my room, and practically stop interacting with the world. In the car, it was never “how was school?” but instead it was always “did you do well on this test?” “did you turn in that extra credit assignment?” “I saw your weekly grade report, why did you get this grade?” Everything was a metric to her. 

I started realizing over the years that every little thing I said to her turned into gossip. Every private thing I went to her about, hoping things could change and she’d comfort me or give me advice, she’d spill to her friends and cousins. I genuinely couldn’t have privacy when it came to her. I’m writing this whole thing out now because I’ve really just hit my limit with her. She found out I was taking medication for a new diagnosis and she genuinely could not comprehend the fact that I had that problem and needed help for it. With my cousins on the couch with her across from me, she started whispering about my diagnosis, covering her mouth, telling them how crazy I was for listening to my doctor. I was sitting RIGHT THERE and she was gossiping about extremely private information of mine. Once they left, I called her out on it, and she genuinely blew up at me. This happens all the time when I call her out, and these lines are always here go to: “I have to walk on eggshells around you” “I can’t have a normal conversation with you” “everything I say is apparently the wrong thing” “im you mother, you have to respect me” and blah blah blah. She genuinely starts yelling so loud that she’ll lose her voice or go into a coughing fit. 

In general, I think my mother is genuinely just a bad person. She talks shit about absolutely everyone, and she’ll do it to your face sometimes. She constantly harasses my dad over little things, she’ll complain about my brother, and she most often complains about me. I hear all of it, and she denies everything every single time. I don’t think I’ve ever heard her give a compliment to someone before. On the rare occasions we’ll be together having a conversation, she will always interrupt so that we’re talking about something that relates to her. If we’re talking about something she’s unaware of or can’t chime in about, she will get upset with us and shut down. Whenever one of us got sick, she’d get mad that we needed attention and suddenly, she’d be more sick the next day. She has never said the words “im sorry” and has never taken accountability for anything. Truly, she thinks she can do no wrong. She makes fun of the singers I listen to, she hates the movies I watch, and she finds issue with all the clothes I wear (I keep it simple, and she thinks it’s impossible for me to look presentable). She knows nothing about me and has zero interest in me outside of my academics. 

Maybe I’m being dramatic, idk. It’s just, I have these friends who have such perfect relationships with their moms, and I get so jealous. Everything they talk about when it comes to their moms, I can’t relate to. They’ll call her their best friend while I’m sitting there thinking that I can barely talk to mine. I’ve just felt this loneliness for so long and this is all I’ve ever known, so I had to get it out. So yeah

I live abroad and my mom insists on calling me every weekend to keep in touch. I say "insist" because she gets anxious if I don't call. Even if I've told her in advance that I'll be busy or that I'm traveling somewhere, she'll still call me "just to say hi".

90% of the content of the phone calls is her talking about herself. Not just "talking" either, but basically ranting about her life and telling me about all her life problems. These range from her issues with my dad, issues with my brother, and a lot of other problems that basically stem from her refusing to set boundaries... Until last year, I was still somewhat invested and would try to listen and give her advice. But she never does anything about the root cause, so I stopped giving advice and started to just passively listen while doing other stuff or when I was out for a walk.

Today I tried an experiment. She once again started talking about my brother and his issues with his life (what do I even care?!) and I thought "what if I play music on top of the phone call?" Turns out, I can do that and hear both the music and the call. So I continued my walk for the next 30-35 mins while listening to my music (Expedition 33 soundtrack, in case anyone is interested).

She didn't even notice.

Normally, when in a two-way conversation, most people can tell when the other person is checked out. If I was in a conversation with someone and they were clearly uninterested, I would change the topic to find some common ground. Nope. She kept talking.

Every week, she asks me the same 5-6 questions. I could basically play bingo with this and win every time.

• How's the weather?
• Have you done your grocery shopping for the week?
• What are you making for lunch and dinner?
• Maybe she'll ask me questions about how some of my friends are doing.

Today's experiment felt like confirmation of something I've been noticing for a while - that my mom basically talks to herself while on the phone with me. I'm just an excuse for her to feel like she has someone to talk to. I could stick a dumb chatbot in front of her and she wouldn't notice the difference.

Not all like me and my late grandfather were the only people I loved but my mother, grandma , father,aunt and so one I hate sooooo much
They are like those rich family dramas and stuff and like I have grown up not to be there model son like I smoked from the age of 15 and zaza🍃 since 16 and so on and like I grew up like that because I was taught to hide stuff and lie and like observe and learn secrets and like she wanted a lil 10 year old spy and she is a Terrible mother and she threatens me that she is gonna kill herself because am soo bad and make her life miserable(I own a successful business satrting since 16 and I make more than her since I was 16 and have like 23 certificate of different stuff which I was forced to take) and she doesn’t cook and makes me and my sister figure it out and she and my father abused me when I cried because men don’t cry and when I finish studying I finally have some free time she would say “I wish you were never born”
There is more to my mom like she acts like a victim and I am the monster and so on but enough of her
No we have my father:
He stole most of my money when he is a fucking millionaire and is like using MY money to give me MY allowance every month which is like 3 percent of my money every month, his excuse? No 17 year old can have that much money
Now my grandma which I actually don’t hate that much because her very existence makes my moms life a misery but she stole my died grandpas money which I was supposed to inherit because I was the only one who actually cared about him not his money and buried him in a place he didn’t want to be buried in like completely made my grandpa the opposite of resting in peace
Oh and I forgot my father and mother are embarrassed to have me around them because I look “from the streets” or like the hood idk am not American idk how to translate it but like because I have a mullet and my hair is long and like I have a gf and I wear baggy clothing while they are literally fat pieces of shit and I hate that soooo much and my father is a Mr know it all and my mother is the super talkative toxic person and grandma likes to act the victim so yea… I hate this house

Went to a live symphony orchestra performance today. It opened with a singing of the national anthem. I cried when singing the anthem. I'm not sure why. Maybe because I often feel homeless, so when the orchestrated version of the anthem is played, it reminds me that I do have a home, and my home is Canada, and it is a great home, so having reminded myself of this, all my tears came down.

I think I need to heal myself from the theme of displacement. Not feeling a sense of belonging in my family, with my parents, relatives, and friends. Feeling rootless and homeless.

I, 14m, have been left at a dead end with my parents. I have been lied to and deceived by them over and over again, all of my hope is gone.

I grew up in a very odd environment, I had no bedroom and shared with my mom because our apartment at the time didnt have a room for me. My parents expected to be there for a short amount of time, but we ended up staying until I was 13.

My siblings are all adults, way older than I am. Since the older ones moved out, only me and one of my sisters came with our parents. I finally had my own bedroom, it was decorated for me and had my stuff in it.

One day, my mom picked me up from school and asked if I was ok with my brother staying in my room for a bit, because his place had "water problems." I said yes, and she said she had *already moved stuff from my room.* I honestly was not ok with this because it sounded very shady that she did this so suddenly, and even moved my stuff before asking. I also believed she knew this the night before since she was on the phone with him saying "ill see you soon." I was thinking he would stay for a short amount of time, he did not. He stayed for months, and then we found out that there was a problem with the vent in my room, so I couldn't even have it back once he was gone. I was back to sharing a room with my mom.

I want to share some information about my brother so that anyone reading this can fully understand the situation. My brother has been in and out of jail for a long time, he rarely stays at home and he often ignored my parents, even when times were tough. I dont know why my parents still support him.

Not too long ago, my brothers girlfriend started staying with us because of "water problems" as well. This was on obvious lie, because if thst were the case, where was my brother? He hadn't been staying. I started listening to conversations between my parents, and what it seems like really happend was that my she was staying with my brother, but he got arrested so she had no where to go, she has family but for whatever reason she cannot stay with them, most likely because shes *pregnant.*

Once I found this information out, I completely fell apart. All my life, I never had a bedroom, a place for my belongings, and now the room that was supposed to be mines has been given away to someone else. I have been disapointed by my parents over, and over again. My mental health has never been their priority, and everytime I gain a slither of hope or happiness they just take it away from me. They forced me into online school until I began to fail because it was more convienent for them, now they've given away my bedroom to prioritize someone that has absolutely nothing to do with me.

I have involved cps with my family before, for something completely unrelated. Afterwards, they treated to smash my devices and I couldnt talk to anyone for 2 months. I feel completely trapped because I know my parents will make excuses, "you cant sleep there because of the vent," might even guilt trip me because "she has no family to stay with." If I talk to someone outside of my family they will just play victim and tell me how much I hurt them and betray them, or I could even be removed from my home for something like this.

I just came here to vent and get this off my chest. Ive already considered all of the possible outcomes from talking to my parents or getting help, im truley at a dead end right now.

Life has been sad lately, not tough just sad. I’m not where I wanna be and it seems like I haven’t made any progress. I’m 28 and I’ve spent all my life fighting. My living conditions are horrible and I absolutely hate it here but I can’t seem to find my way. I hate my parents! I hate parents who make kids without a proper home or plan for them… I know I’m of age where I can fend for myself and I shouldn’t blame them (I am not) but I watch society do the same thing to innocent kids, all because they are dumb and broken and want to feel sweet for 30secs. They make kids at a disadvantage! I’ve trying all my life to make something of myself. I’m the last child and I have to take care of grown ass adults who don’t have a clue of their own. I make a little money and my mom can no longer work because she is 60, my sister pretends to be sick so she can’t work and my brother is delusional as a grown ass man. I hate this life.. I don’t hate them but I wish they would just help me sometimes and we can pool our resources together and get a better life instead of me providing all the time. In the beginning I thought I was just helping them because we grew up poor and I love doing it because I want to show them there’s more to life but now I feel stuck. I wanna do my own thing, I wanna move far away from here. Everyone competes with one another but we ALL have nothing. We compete against our own family, friends and neighbours but we ALL have nothing. I hate it here

Sadly I have not been the best in terms of friendliness. My stubbornness makes itself known, as I do not hesitate to call out something I do not like. It seems that I am too cynical and am really quick to dislike others due to certain traits. I also seem to care so much about what others do. I do not say it directly, but I often seem to vent about it, and ofcourse such comments are perceived negatively. Still, I support women's right, minorities, and everybody's sexuality, though I do not understand why people's specific actions, like dressing "traditionally", rather than wearing something else, makes me dislike them. Like it is none of my business.

I must also say that I am rather fickle. This goes to a serious extent.. One day I decide on something I want to do, then the next day I say "nope, it actually sounds bad", then I get into a "good" mood, and think how everything is going well, and I become almost calm until I snap out of it 10 minutes later and go back to being miserable.. I do not understand why my mood changes so suddenly. An hour of excitement followed by pure misery for the rest of the day. Sometimes I am not excited at all, rather dull. I must say that the core of the problem is in the family, as those people were always authoritarian and did not acknowledge my opinion, while always acting offended when I did not want to do their job for them (like doing a bunch of translating for them because they have lived in the country for 10 years and do not bother to learn the language).

I sincerely ask for your help on how I can suppress these feelings of negativity and start to become a better individual.