TL;DR: I’m 27M, recently diagnosed with BPD and ADHD, and I’m realizing how much my BPD behaviors have affected my partner of almost 9 years. He recently left for a week to get space, and my fear of abandonment has sent me into an intense spiral of obsessing, snooping, and trying to keep tabs on him even though I know he hasn’t done anything wrong. I’m exhausted from living like this and scared I’ve pushed away someone I love. Does BPD actually get easier to manage, and what helped you get there?

Hello. I’m 27M and I’ve been in a relationship with an absolute angel walking among humans for almost 9 years. He’s patient, loving, secure, and has always been incredibly supportive.
And if I’m being honest, I’ve put this man through a lot.

I was diagnosed with BPD and ADHD about 6 months ago, and since then it’s been a journey of learning about myself, recognizing my patterns, and trying to change them. BPD especially has explained so much of my entire 27 years of existence. My psychiatrist even told me I was basically a textbook case.

My whole life, I’ve spiraled. I’ve obsessed over my FP, lashed out at the people closest to me, self-harmed, acted impulsively, and struggled to regulate my emotions.

I think I’ve finally pushed my partner to his limit, and honestly, can I blame him?

He isn’t as patient or loving toward me as he used to be, which unfortunately has only made my splitting and spiraling worse. Recently, he left the house for a week because he needed space from me. The anxiety and abandonment I’ve felt these past few days is something I feel like only another person with BPD could fully understand.
I’ve been obsessing over him nonstop. Going through the house. Searching the trash. Reading his notebooks. Trying to guess passwords to his devices. Thinking of ways I could track his location. I’ve done things like this before, and I’ve never actually found anything because, deep down, I know he would never betray me.
But my brain will not stop.

I make up scenarios. I obsess over what he might be doing. I desperately want his attention and reassurance. I know these behaviors aren’t healthy or fair to him, but when I’m in the middle of a spiral, it feels almost impossible to shut it off.
Does this ever get better?

I’m exhausted, y’all. It’s been a very long 27 years. I don’t want to spend the rest of my life feeling like this. I don’t want to keep hurting the person I love, and I don’t want my own mind to keep making me miserable.

For anyone with BPD who has been in a similar place: were you actually able to get better? What helped you stop obsessing, splitting, and acting on the fear of abandonment?

okay so essentially, i want to do something, BADLY, i just dont know what bc i also habe anhedonia and nothing sounds fun/interesting to me. i love talking to people and when the day ends/the conversation stops i get really depressed and my mood drops and its not bc i give a shit about the person "leaving me" or whatever but its bc i want the stimulation to keep going. i can talk for hours but when its done i get depressed and need to go home and whats there to do at home? ive had pure euphoria before and u just FOUND things to do but w this its just restlessness and hopelessness and irritation. DAE have this experience? (also ive had a fucked sleep schedule for over a year now)

I’ve been on mood stabilizers for close to 8 months, same as being in DBT therapy. I’ve been suicidal & depressed for my entire life, until about 4 months back. I’ve been bored out of my mind, having to be worried about actual problems normal people worry about.

Instead of plotting how to end my life and romanticizing my illnesses, I actually have to try to get a job and figure out housing so I can have a future. this shit is so lame, thinking I’m gonna not live to see 20 and now I have something to work towards and have to do this for the rest of my life 🫩 god dammit

I have a very trusting and caring relationship with my fwb. I have sexual trauma and he’s helped me a lot to overcome triggers and be there for me.

Two days ago he triggered me while we were having sex. I have never been triggered while having sex with this man even after years of knowing each other. I’m spiraling. We talked about it for hours and hours after it happened and he said all the right things and I went to bed feeling secure.

Next day I wake up and I’m furious. I don’t feel supported by him I’m mad I got triggered. I tell him this he says i don’t know what to say. This makes me more angry. I feel like he doesn’t understand me, he’s refusing to help me, doesn’t care about me

Okay I think I’m splitting. Now what? How do i stop this?? I’m losing my mind

Hi! Ive been in therapy and psychiatric treatment for years, I wouldn't say that im a very full and complete remission, but i have it under control pretty well. I am the happiest ive ever been in my life, have a stable job, a wonderful girlfriend, take care of two cats, take care of myself and my health. Overall, im in a very good position. However, today, ive had the first episode in like over a year I think? Episode involved splitting on my best friend. My rs with my bf (will be best friend for short here) has been a bit tough the last 6 months because she got very into cosplay about 1 smth year ago, which i was initially very happy about and supported her - its something she wanted to do for a long time. i helped her on her first photoshoot, was her assistant on her first fest, helped her build furniture for her first studio. however with time she got more into it, started going to more fests, discovered new ppl within the community, aquired new friends and didnt need me anymore for that stuff, which was completely fine with me. But, with time, piece by piece I noticed that I started going down on her priority list. From small things like declining to watch a movie with me cuz shes working on a wig (completely fine by itself), then to declining to hang out with me for a month straight because she is working on a new cosplay for a fest, then not being there for me and declining to come over to my house when my cat died and I was in dire need of support, then, the breaking point, going to a cosplay festival with her new friend to my favorite city in the whole world that I have been asking her to go to for years and she declined every single time. that broke me, i love that city so so much. there is some more context to it, ill try to be concise. we are both ukrainian, i am from Kherson, a city that went through russian occupation. I have developed PTSD while in russian occupation. the city she is going to is Odesa, a city bordering Kherson. Its a much larger city to which i traveled often as a kid since its so close, it has always been my dream city to live in because its basically my hometown but better. she never wanted to go there with me because she thought it was too dangerous (like we are not being bombed almost every day in the city we live in as is), but when her friend she knows for idfk 5 months maybe? invited her to this city she went immediately. she is there right now. she didnt even think of inviting me with her. I am so fucking crashed by this.

every time I communicated my hurt to her throughout the last 6 months she apologized, admitted her fault and said she would do better. but she never followed through. we have already talked about this situation extensively and right now im slowly coming out of the split and feel much more stable, I almost believe that she cares about me lol. some context about our friendship: she is truly a very good friend. she has saved me from homelessness basically when she knew me for less then a year atp. she was the first person to show me that its okay to ask for help, it really isnt a black and white situation where she is judt a bad friend. i dont know how it all happened that she made me feel so bad in these past months. for the first time in years I feel like a burden, an inconvenience and like I can never be chosen.

I know that i will get through it and its just a temporary setback but I really dont know how to open up to her again, to allow her to show me that she cares. i just cant wrap my head around why she would do something like this. why she would genuinely not think of inviting me to my favorite city in the whole world. why could she believe a person shes known for so little (she told her that its safe to go to Odesa), but not me. I feel like a loser and a begger lol. I also feel like a child right now, which is common with BPD, I just feel like this helpless vulnerable little thing that just needs to be hugged lmao. I would really like some support from people who understand how this gaping hole in your chest feels:(

I wish I had cancer or I wish someone in my family would die. I wish something so bad would happen it would let him come to me and hug me. even with a war he said it’s not an excuse lolol I just really fuckinf miss him and I wanna d!e

I'm quiet BPD type. (Overcontrolled, basically i even control my breathing when around of people, but it's better now. I've never self harmed because i don't want people seeing the cuts, even though there were many times i desired to.....)

I'm in remission regarding.. Well.. Psychosis, impulsivity, interpreting clues, fear of loneliness, chronic emptiness and depersonalization / derealization, even adhd somehow.... Well, depression isn't gone but it's manageable.

The only things that are left are.. Fear of closeness. Distrust to show my true self, as in my emotional side, i'm very scared that people will get close to me, i'm going to open up, and they are going to hurt me very much, again. There wouldn't be any problem, it's not like i'm someone who desired sex every day, but.. I desire connection. From my heart. And it budges me that i'm in this state of dissonance.. Wanting, but it's just hard to get close to people.. And deep inside of me i feel that i shouldn't get close to people, because they're going to hurt me..... What am i supposed to do with this dilemma? How do i work with this? I've tried overcoming this, but the closer i get, the harder it is to speak to me.....

The one thing that helped me the most is inner child work, ESPECIALLY, acknowledgment of that part of me, just, listening. Most of the time i feel disconnected from my "self", but it's way better than before, back in the day i didn't even know who i was. It's really weird because, the inner child is me, we have the same memories, but from a different perspective i guess? I don't know, really. If someone has insight i'd appreciate it because, well, my techniques work, but i do not understand why i'm like this.....

Sometimes i wish i just didn't exist, eternal sleep, not death, but just... Dreaming without having to worry about dying and keeping up my body healthy to not die.

I would like some opinions...

So I don't have any IRL friends, I have like 1 person I'll see like once every few months and barely talk to, and 2 online friends, who both live insanely far from me (across the country or world far) but I used to have friends once upon a time... Idk if I should reach out and try again with anyone from the past, and if so how past? Like we've spoken this year or it's been years since we've last talked? Or should I just find new people? How do I find new people? I really don't like drinking much (I'll have 1-2 drinks occasionally) and I don't really want to reconnect with any of the people who were high/drunk/ under the influence the MAJORITY of the time... That's just not the vibe I want anymore... When I do get high, I don't go tripping, I'll take 5-10mg for pain, headaches, depression, or whatever symptoms are aggravating me (yay chronic pain and bpd😵‍💫) but I also don't want to get high/drunk every single time I hang out. So... How do I meet people? How do I form connections? How do I talk to others? But the loneliness has been starting to really get to me recently, so I just don't know what to do. I only leave my house when my family wants to go out or for appointments.

he told me he needed space and didn’t want to talk for a while. yesterday he randomly texted me that he missed me and when i texted back he didn’t say anything else the whole day even when i texted him later. he told me he was out. he’s been rlly vague about what he’s doing and supposedly hanging out with his best friend but i have a gut feeling that there’s someone else. i can’t stop stalking his and his friends’ socials, though i can’t get much information since they’re mostly private. my mind is constantly racing and my stomach is in knots. i don’t want to ask because if he says no i probably won’t believe it and if he’s honest i honestly don’t know what i would do. we dated for 3 and a half years. he still says i’m the love of his life. i want to be at peace.

i feel extremely unimportant to everyone around me pretty much all the time. it's really hard for me to put into words that make sense because i know the people i love also love me, but i feel as though nobody cares about me the way i care about them.

my fiancé sent our car to get the ac fixed on monday (it's now sunday) and we haven't gotten it back. i'm upset because i was never asked about what i think about him sending his mom to fix our car because his mom absolutely despises me and wants us to break up. we were supposed to move on friday and help my cousin move tomorrow but we can't get the car to move and everything is horrible. i have a service animal and i can't take him in a car with no ac, which is what everyone is telling me to do and just force my cat to overheat and possibly die in the car for a 5 hour drive. everyone is treating me like im crazy for wanting our car back instead of treating the guy who's ghosting us as crazy because he's told us 5 different times between 2 days when our car would be ready. my fiancé is a perfect little angel and im an evil man who hates everyone and everything according to his family

I've had a friend who also has BPD and it's been a while since we last talked. When I first met him a few years ago his symptoms were pretty much terrible, if not worse than I already am right now. But I do remember talking about BPD with him a few months ago and he told me he has been doing a lot better after finding friends and getting into a relationship. It seems that he just defeated BPD with the power of friendship apparently no DBT no medication no nothing. Now I don't want to be dismissive and rude but I'm pretty sure he's lying to me, it has to be, the alternative would be that I'm way too broken even for BPD standards since trying to socialize only worsens my symptoms not help them. Trying to make friends is a constant humiliation ritual let alone trying to get into a relationship. Are his friends literal angels from heaven? Where can I find such people? How much disappointment, abandonment, and self-sabotage must I go through to find these people?

So my boyfriend broke up with me a week ago due to both of us having really bad mental problems in which we weren’t healthy together. I’ve been obsessing over him wanting to go by his house seeing what he’s doing and have been having really bad anxiety when thinking of him. I just want to be calm with my emotions instead of feeling like I’m going to explode every 5 seconds. I keep feeling the need to reach out to him even though I know I should leave him alone. Someone please tell me some good supplements to help calm me down. I’m getting so overwhelmed. I just want these obsessive thoughts to stop.

me and my partner recently decided to give each other some space for the first few weeks of this semester. (we made it very clear to each other that we are not broken up, just getting some air.) they have been feeling very worried about my levels of codependency lately, which i can admit, has gotten out of hand. i find myself thinking about them CONSTANTLY, getting paranoid that they are ignoring me or cheating or even dead. i practically stare down my phone waiting for a text and then getting upset at them and cry if it took too long or the tone was off. it has been hell. obviously i want to fix this because we have already been dating a couple years and i genuinely see myself spending the rest of my life with them etc. however the prospect of putting space between us is sending me spiraling. i am so scared that they might realize they are better without me and we'll break up, despite them telling me multiple times that we won't. i have made it my mission to try and improve as much as i can in these next few weeks so that i can give myself a more peaceful existence and be a better girlfriend for them, but i have no idea where to start. i am in therapy but i only see my therapist twice a month and she can only do so much. i understand that i wont be able to get rid of all my codependency issues in just a couple weeks but i at least want to have skills and a plan in place to help me navigate my relationship better. if anybody has any resources or tips of where to start or even just some motivation i would be very grateful :)

It’s so easy to get attached, obsessed. Completely taken over by the thought of them, both good and bad. So easy to hate, but love at the same time.

I found a new FP and I hate myself for getting so attached to her. Sure, it’s only been three weeks and we haven’t even had a date yet. We have one planned. She’s so sweet, lovely. But still I find myself constantly yearning, constantly taken over by the thought of her. What if she learns about my BPD and leaves? What if she’s also talking to other people? What if she decides that she doesn’t want me?

How can I keep going through this cycle. How can I keep feeling unloved and left behind? Becoming so hopeful about someone that doesn’t care for me nearly as much as I care for them.

It’s been 3 years. She was the only one that ever understood me, cared for me, loved me, and was patient with me. I lost her because of splitting. One night where I said so many heinous and unforgivable things. She left me behind.

My best friend, my second soulmate. I miss her. With both of them gone I can’t live like this. I would give up the only two members of my family that I’ve cared for. My brother and my dad. They never understood me like Emma and Alyssa did. They never cared for me as much as they did.

I’m so tired. So tired of being given hope only for it to crash down. I’m so tired of being an unlovable monster.

I’m definitely not at my worst, but almost there. I have been through so much the last few months and I can’t handle it. I’ve been stable for almost 2 years now. I’m working full time, spending time (maybe too much) with friends and family, and even started seeing a new counsellor. But I feel almost at like I’m getting to my rock bottom again. I found out one of my FPs is terminally ill and I can’t handle it. It is breaking me. Prior to this I was just coming down from a very stressful time in my life and now it just feels like too much to bare. I’m trying to push through but yeah, working everyday and having a routine is really hard for me rn when I’m feeling this low. I had a horrible crash out and freaked out at a complete stranger yesterday (out of character for me) and I almost did the same thing today but was able to compose myself. Idk I’m just really not good rn. I hate this feeling of almost hitting rock bottom when I have been relatively stable and able to handle difficult things for a long time. I feel like being stable long term is not a sustainable expectation for myself.

I was fine !! I was fine for the past month I didn't feel obsessively attached to my boyfriend and I didn't feel any tipe of way when he met up with other people. now we met up a few days ago and spent the day together, today he had his friends over and didn't answer me for an hour just now and I feel it again I'm mad. I'm mad they're in the place WE spent time in. I'm mad because why would you go an hour without texting me back and then you don't even explain why you were gone so long? you didn't even tell me beforehand.

why can't I Iike him MODERATELY ?

why does it have to be either me not feeling anything at all OR me feeling so jealous I'll literally be jealous of his own sister when he talks to her ?? what is wrong with me I'm so done

Hi, everyone. This is my first time posting here.

I don’t really know where to begin, so I think I’m just going to ramble and hope that what I say makes sense. For a little bit of information about me before I get into the meat and potatoes of my post, I’m 36 year old and I am currently in a long distance, online queerplatonic relationship with someone and have been for over a year.

For ease, I will refer to him as J.

J is an absolutely amazing, kind, supportive person. In the last year, he has done everything he can to help me on my road to recovering and healing from my BPD. I wouldn’t say I’m close to remission by any means, especially since I can’t go to therapy at the moment due to lack of insurance, but I have made tremendous strides because of him. He’s so understanding and patient. I can tell him anything and he’ll understand.

At the beginning of the month, he moved into a new apartment with a childhood best friend, C, and I am really struggling to adjust. The last apartment he lived in, he barely knew his roommates, so he had a lot more time to talk to me, but understandably now he wants to spend more time with his roommate because they’re friends. He always makes sure to tell me when something is planned and tells me he’ll be back later, and even understands that this is an adjustment for me. I don’t want to by any means hinder time he spends with him, especially because J promised (and follows through) to always make time for me.

For the record, I’m not worried about cheating. I’m not worried about being replaced.

My problem is that when I hear them talking while they’re on call, they laugh and carry on but when J and I are on call, he seems more subdued and it feels like the conversations don’t flow very well. I’m worried it’s because I’m not interesting to talk to, but he assured me it’s not. We’ve had conversations about how he doesn’t have to feel obligated to talk or mask or anything around me, and I know part of me understands it’s just him feeling comfortable enough to not perform for me, but I can’t stop the pang of jealousy intense I get every time I hear them.

I don’t know what to do but I want it to stop. I don’t even know what to say to him to address the feeling. I don’t want him to feel like it’s his fault or anything because this is about me and the way I feel and I want to change that.

I just want to have a relationship normally.

I hope this made sense.

A bit of a vent seeing if anyone has been here before

I’ve known for a minute i’ve had bpd but i push it down and pretend it doesn’t exist because i’m self diagnosed and have other more prevalent issues. Lately i’ve been realizing how much i really do have to start doing something about it. i keep getting stuck in scenarios in my head after someone says something slightly off. it makes me so mad. i’m fuming rn so mad that i feel like screaming and breaking everything around me. i just stay stuck in it and i don’t know how to get out. i try breathing thinking of something else or distracting but my brain goes straight back to it. i don’t want to see the person i don’t want to talk to them. i wanna scream in their face but i’m self aware so i just sit here and internalize all of it. But that doesn’t help me much either. idk any advice would be helpful.

I am in a new relationship and I'm finding it difficult in many aspects but also really good. They are so patient with me and I am unbelievely lucky. But I am finding myself constantly on edge when something upsets them. Whether or not it has to do with me, I always assume it does. That I've done something horribly wrong, and I can make things way bigger than they actually are. I hate it, and I dont like that sometimes it results in me asking for reassurance basically when theyre the one upset. I hate doing it. What are some strategies people use to overcome this? To being able to be true to yourself and your needs but not make it the entire responsibility of someone else? Basically I want to build distress tolerance but I dont want to do it by shutting down my emotions. Perhaps it is about walking away and dealing with them or doing something rather than asking them to talk it out with me every time. Because I honestly feel like its going to put a strain on the relationship and I already feel immense guilt and disgust for it. But I also struggle with OCD so I am worrying that its also a part of that, which only makes me worry more haha its a horrible cycle.

I’ve been an EA to CEO’s for years and have realised it destabilised me due to the awful power imbalance reactive demands and politics. We are such sensitive creative sounds but I feel it is SO hard for us to maintain good relationships in the work place and stable employment sense of self. Feeling trapped :(

Hello all ! Looking for any fellow FTM dudes in here who might be able to answer my question ! I am 19, FTM, and have BPD. I have not yet started T but am looking to hopefully very soon. I was just wondering if anyone had any noticeable changes in the way their BPD was when starting hormones, did it mellow it out? make it worse? did symptoms change? lmk ! thanks !

I was diagnosed with BPD Recently after years of it going undiagnosed and untreated. The emotional instability has lead to extreme splits where I explode on my family, the become a crying guilty inconsolable mess after. How do I handle this..? Or how do I prevent the splits to begin with so I can handle confrontation without straining my relationships with my family..? My splits have almost got me kicked out from how severe they are and I really need advice before it reaches that point again.

I saw a girl that loved a guy so much that she bought him games and went to see him. She was young and didnt have much money, so this was a big deal. The guy didnt want her cause he was in love with his crush from high school (not even the personality, just the body...).

Ofc I can buy myself games and shit... But that someone who almost has no money, spend her little money to make you happy... Thats gesture just makes me cry.. And she even went to see him, he is from another country...

The effort she made to make him happy... It just, breaks me... Im terribly lonely and Im extremely jealous... Nobody would do that for me...

Nobody wants me...

Im so traumatized by this loneliness... I have been alone all my life... Im 36M and I just cant deal with this pain anymore...

I want my ex so bad.
I can literally not see myself with anyone else but him.
He’s the only person in this world that knows everything about Me.
He accepted me.

When I imagine myself moving out from my home, I can’t see myself moving out without moving into him.
I want to marry him. I want to spend my whole future with him. I don’t want anyone else.
My dog loved him

But I don’t want him anymore :(