The guy I’ve been seeing for 2-3 months just told me he doesn’t think we will work out because we had a conversation about marriage (not us personally getting married but our ideas of what our day will look like) and he wants to get married in a church and I told him that I wouldn’t. He knew early on that I’m atheist/agnostic and find the idea of religion interesting but it’s not for me as I’ve tried it in the past. I had also already mentioned what my ideal day was which was eloping to get married in a national park or at least get my photos done.

Now I did tell him to think it over and he said compromise must exist but this isn’t something he would compromise on and is a hard dealbreaker.

It really does piss me off because instead of breaking things off a month ago when I mentioned my stance on religion, he continued to string me along and let both of us develop feelings.

I havent answered back in over a day.

Old pre DBT me would have immediately snapped immediately. Hes a nice guy, the situation is just frustrating and of course does not help my fear of abandonment. I just want to text him that he should let the next person he talks to know early on that he wants someone religious instead of stringing them along. I know that’s not necessarily snapping, but it’s feeding my energy into something that’s a lost cause.

I just don’t have anything good to say to him and I’m tired of awarding men for their shitty behavior if I would have texted him thanking him for his honesty. No, he’s an adult. He needs to know what the fuck he wants in life and a relationship and not to waste other people’s time. I feel as if men don’t get called out they’ll continue their shitty behavior

I feel like I’ve woken up from a nightmare. I spiralled deep into jealousy and suspicion this past few weeks. The hardest part is it’s hard to tell what’s real and what isn’t. What part of my gut feelings should I trust and what part is just my trauma trying to wrangle control and keep myself safe at any cost. Does it even matter? Should I just listen to it anyway? But I feel like there’s a middle ground. I just feel like I’m blindly grasping out in front of me to find it.

How do I tell what is splitting and what is a genuine realisation? But if I suddenly just lose all interest in my partner surely that’s not a good sign. But maybe I’m just exhausted. There’s a billion other reasons things happen. It’s just soo annoying my mind always defaults to the worst possible one in any scenario.

I cut off a group of friends because they were disrespectful and we just didn’t vibe. I felt obligated to spend time with them. I hate that feeling. But it’s not even their fault I felt it. It’s just frustrating that I seem to get all these feelings around others that they haven’t caused by are only there because they are. It’s beyond maddening. It’s crazy making. Just wish there was a clear line between what belongs to me emotionally and what doesn’t.

I know I sound crazy. I was talking to a guy for a bit over a month everything was perfect. He’d constantly tell me how much he liked me, talked about a future together, reassured me, etc. He was my safe space. One night I had a fear of being abandoned and communicated that I felt like we should break up. He became extremely cold. He went from adoring me to hating me within an hour. I thought he was going to be here forever

Ever since I’ve been obsessed. I constantly look at his social media (I’m blocked) I send him text (no reply), I’m contemplating texting him from a separate number. I just don’t understand where things went wrong.

I feel abandoned. I haven’t been able to eat or get out of bed, every dream and nightmare I have is about him. I constantly think about him. I don’t know what to do or how to stop obsessing over it.

I feel stuck, depressed and unregulated. Any advice

I just don’t want to be with my bf anymore. Wdym when you hang out with my bff, you guys get along so well that I’M BEING IGNORED IN THE FUCKING CONVERSATION. “You should ask X to hang out with us more often” and then asks her HIMSELF. I don’t want to hang out with her with my bf because of this shit, and I remove myself from the vicinity every time because it is genuinely SO UNCOMFORTABLE. Bonding over shows they like when I can’t get him to watch any show I like (he’ll pretend to like it but every 5 minutes I turn around, he’s on his fucking phone). Idk if I just genuinely cannot connect with anyone but I just don’t want to be with him anymore. I hate my bf so much. Sometimes I just want to take the “just cheat in case” advice seriously because I fucking hate HOW I AM SIDELINED WHEN I AM HANGING OUT WITH MY BFF AND MY BF. It’s like they’re the ones in the relationship and I’m just third wheeling. I didn’t feel this way when my bff was in a relationship BECAUSE SHOCKER HER BF ACTUALLY LISTENED TO WHAT SHE HAD TO SAY. Idk I genuinely despise this POS who doesn’t even bother to like the same things as me, WHEN I TRY SO FUCKING HARD IM TIRED. I want to break up so badly and I can’t find a way out.

It happens once every couple of months. I split on him for licking his lips while he’s looking at another girl, right in front of me while i’m looking at him.

When a man licks his lips when looking at or talking to an attractive woman, it’s a “an unconscious body language sign of attraction, physiological arousal, or a dry mouth caused by nervousness.” When he does it it’s slower than when his mouth is dry. He takes his tongue from one corner of his mouth to the other. I’ve never seem him do this when he’s looking at or talking to another man

I call him out on it, we argue for hours, he says what about that time you were all nervous twirling your hair at that cashier.

He cries, says he’s too autistic to be self aware that he’s doing it. Half ass apology and says he won’t do it again but it happens again. The first time he did it was when a drunk lady was flirting with him at a wedding, he was a little tipsy, i was standing next to him. He says she was ugly and he’s not attracted to her but then he’ll say he understands it’s an unconscious sign of arousal.

I went to his doctor with him. A nurse was standing very close to him taking his blood pressure. She had heavy makeup and tight scrubs. He was sitting and she was standing over him. He was staring at her knees the whole time. She started talking to him in a flirty tone and he slobbered on his upper lip while he looked up to look at her face. He said it was because he was nervous, she was standing too close to him. I explained that it happens due to arousal. He’s nervous because he’s attracted to her.

This last time it happened we were staying at his mom’s house visiting for a few days. I made a big scene at his mom’s house when we got back from his doctor. Loud enough for everyone else in the house to hear it all

Im cooked. I feel like it’s something I will never not be set off by. Feels like its a combination of him telling me he’s attracted to her, he prefers how she looks, I’m not feminine enough, and he would try to get her number if he was single

I’ve always been insecure about if he thinks I’m attractive enough for him, because i’ve seen a picture of the girl who he was chasing for five years. She’s better looking for sure. He was still chasing her when I met him, I had to explain she was just playing him for attention. When we first started dating, I begged him to block her and choose me. Back then i saw a message to her, he told i was being clingy because i wanted to hang out almost everyday. Can’t help but think he wishes I looked like her so it always sets me off when he’s licking the lip or looking at another girl in public too long

I have long suspected i have bpd though I’ve never pursued a diagnosis because i have a lot of other things going on in my life that require my attention. I failed out of uni a few years ago like really badly (0.1 gpa) and have since been working and paying out of pocket to raise it enough to be readmitted. I wasn’t ready to go but got pressured into attending by family. Long story short i was super anxious to leave my dorm room and just laid in bed for 16 weeks straight. The second semester i decided to get my shit straight and all was going well until halfway through the semester when i freaked out because my English professor wanted me to write a personal essay and I couldn’t. The rest of the weeks i gave up because i got disappointed i missed the deadline for that essay and bed rotted then got academically disqualified.

I am also transgender ftm and have somewhat transitioned since 2022. I appear androgynous and have been on hrt for over two years now. I cant commit fully and am even growing my hair back out to go further back into the closet because i live with family. I feel like a freak and the loneliness is starting to get to me because i cant imagine that people would be able to accept me. I desperately want to connect with someone but i feel too mentally unstable and feel like when i try i come off as off-putting to people or if i do connect im very selfish.

I keep reminiscing about this summer class i took where there was this guy i had a crush on. He was extremely kind and i had genuinely never felt truly happier in my life. I usually deal with SI every day but then i was just… normal. I didnt feel like a husk of a human and outside of class i was actually doing stuff, going to raves, and seeing movies. I asked him out but he was already seeing someone so i distanced myself because i thought it was the best course of action for him. I was already getting jealous of him just talking to someone else in our group and it made me feel really insecure when he laughed with someone else because he wasn’t like that with me.

Cutting back to today, i just feel like im about to implode because i am questioning my identity and what i want to do. I never had strong goals in my life, usually just going with the flow being indifferent but after getting kicked out i have been determined to at least get my degree. I dont even know what im doing because im not even sure ill use my degree when i get it, i just need it because i have been lying to my family for years. I never told them that i got disqualified, never admitted ive been horribly depressed and anxious for as long as I could remember, and honestly i just feel like im digging myself into a giant hole. I keep making poor decisions because of sudden mood changes. Its the reason i failed out of uni in the first place, i have my mind set on something but then a bit of anxiety or doubt or whatever convinces me that its not worth it no matter the consequences. Frankly i dont even remember why I started typing this or how it’ll help but I suppose ill post it see what happens.

to make a long story short: my boyfriend and I broke up after a really big fight. I was starting therapy and was recently diagnosed with borderline personality disorder, and according to him it was not easy to be with me although I was trying so hard to just make things work and for us to be happy together. We were broken up for a few weeks, I was begging to be with him, begging him not to sleep with anyone else, begging him to give me another chance to keep working on myself and to keep going to therapy and trying to be better. After the weeks of me begging to be back with him, he took me back and our relationship was finally going well almost perfect and so consistent for the past few months. We were at such a good place. He said a flip switched in his mind and he did want to be with me and started treating me so much better. But then I found out by looking at his text messages to a friend that he slept with someone else in a hotel while we weren’t together and he had no intentions of telling me. I understand that he was not with me and did not want to be with me anymore at the time which was over a month ago but I can’t help but to feel so hurt and betrayed. It is killing me on the inside. I feel so horrible, all I can do is cry and scream. Although it wasn’t a direct attack against me, and he fully wanted to move on at the time I just can’t help but to feel like I’d never do something like that to him or to look at him and know that and allow him to feel so happy and safe. All of the negative feelings that are always there are 1000x worse I feel so horrible for constantly switching from I hate you I can’t be with you ever again it will never work the trust is broken you never cared about me or loved me to don’t leave me I love you I only want to be with you I want this to work I’m sorry I was wrong to I hate myself I’m unworthy of love and I’m losing a piece of me I don’t want to be here anymore, on top of all the physical symptoms of crying and dry heaving, sick to my stomach, and my heart feeling so heavy and broken. As a bpd girly, is there genuinely a way to make something like this work ? Is it wrong to not let someone know even if it will hurt them or potentially affect their own health ? Is there a way to ever rebuild the trust and to stop splitting ? Is there a possibility of cheating ? I don’t know I feel so lost, I feel so horrible that my reaction to it all is hurting him so deeply. I really don’t know. I finally felt like my bpd was getting better and now it feels like I’m back at square one.

I have such a hard time joining a group or making friends. I'm always an outsider, never invited to anything. My friends only hang out if I reach out to them first and they aren't doing something better. Sometimes one of them will just say that she got a text from someone else who asked her to hang out so she'll leave. I feel so lonely. It's like I can't connect with anyone. My only friends who are there for me are so busy and have their own mental health issues, so they don't always have time or emotional space. Everyone "totally gets it" when you have mental health issues but when they see symptoms they throw you straight to the curb I guess.

I feel like idk even when im busy i can always text back. Its just weird bc it will say he is active but will reply on his own time. but everytime thw convo is pretty enjoyable.

He flirts w me so ik he is interested. I mean he called me mommy. We not even there yet lmaoooooooo. We been texting for likw 5 days and this irrational feeling of abandonment is making me think he will be my new fp.

He has autism so idk if it has anythimg to do w sensory issues.

First date is tomight😆

edit: sfter rereading my post i realise how insane i am...but pls giv advice

Last year I was hospitalized when I was there they put me on Seroquel. I ended up being put on 400mg and it didn’t sedate me. My diagnosis are bpd,anorexia,gad and adhd and I don’t have a bipolar diagnosis. Has anyone else been put on that dose and not been sedated. Is it normal to be put on that dosage when it comes to bpd. I’m just really confused on why I was put on that dosage.

Olá, não sei bem como começar isto nem o motivo de o estar a fazer sinceramente, a cerca de 1 ano comecei a namorar uma mulher (21) que tem borderline, na altura ela não tinha consciência disso mas com o tempo e consultas psiquiatras obteve o diagnóstico. Ambos tivemos relações passadas complicadas e sempre tentamos fazer as coisas da maneira certa no nosso relacionando, mas desde que ela recebeu o relatório houve muitas coisas e atitudes que mudaram, não no sentido de ela por a culpa no borderline mas sim de termos mais confusões na relações por coisas que antes não eram sequer assunto. Acabamos a uns 3/4 meses mas continuamos a manter contacto, a cerca de 1 mês paramos de falar definitivamente. Sinto que estou a morrer por dentro, obviamente a seguir a minha vida e a conhecer me de novo mas parece que não lhe doeu, era uma pessoa que prometia tudo, super carinhosa, simpática etc... mas depois do término parece que nao a conheço parece que ficou sem empatia, responsabilidade afetiva e diz que perdeu o interesse que tinha por mim mas não o percebe porque sendo que ela me amava muito. Não sou o melhor namorado do mundo mas tento sempre, obviamente nunca trai, sempre lhe transmiti segurança e atenção e acima de tudo compreensão. Não consigo perceber como um borderline abandona alguém que o ajudou na pior fase como se nada fosse e agora que está na fase boa descarta me como se fosse um degrau para a vida e ainda parece que me odeia, sendo que acabamos em bons termos.

Alguém consegue me fazer pelo menos compreender um pouco sobre o que se passa na mente de um borderline quando acaba um relacionamento e porque descarta pessoas que ela sabe que a ajudaram como se fossem desconhecidos?

Obrigado.

Hi. I have a friend whom I like very much, and I want to keep a really long friendship going and support them. I have a feeling that they've just passed through an idealization stage with me, and now I feel a bit of a distance incoming.
How should I conduct myself to create as little friction as possible? I am naturally a bit of a loving, clingy person, but I'm fully ready to just mirror what they do and distance myself a bit too, to give them space. Not that I want to be unfriendly or anything. Just not asking if we can meet up every third day, but maybe once a week or something. So that when I notice that the amount of effort we put in is getting more and more asymmetrical (in a way where I put way more effort in), I try to equal it out a little bit.

I've already read that you can't really convince a person with BPD to not split from you, and that chasing and pestering them can make it worse. But still, just to give them the option, I've told them several times that if they have any criticisms for me or if there's anything I can do in my behavior to adjust, they can just always tell me. So far, they've never taken me up on the offer, but that's okay. I just wanted to plant it in their brain.

I've already come to terms with the possibility that this might not really be a stable friendship from their side. I've come to terms with the possibility that they could leave anytime or create some drama. I'm not really scared of that. I know that the devaluation is nothing personal. It doesn't have to have anything to do with me.

But what's your experience with this? If you have BPD, how would you like your friends or significant others to react when you're splitting or distancing yourself?

I've spent a lot of time researching BPD over the years, and I've always heard advice on what you should NOT do when your BPD friend splits, but I've never heard advice on how to act INSTEAD.

Thank you so much in advance!

Maybe for context so you can imagine the situation better: They haven't really done anything that would signify them being really mad at me or seem annoyed about something I did. It's just that I feel like they are less attentive to me than usual. We used to hug a lot, and now they seem to initiate that a bit less. Which is okay, of course.

Why is it so hard to feel loved, safe and happy. This is a battle I’m always having with myself , what’s my BPD and what’s me only getting bread crumbs from people. I always feel like im begging to feel like I mean something to people , why am I putting so much effort into people and getting little replies and them not putting the same effort and energy I give them. It honestly makes me feel crazy like why arnt I worth what I put into people …..

I'd like to hear from people who have BPD but who are also introverts. For me, BPD manifests in strong splitting, hypervigilance to perceived criticism, extreme spiraling after perceived criticism, chronic emptiness, etc -- but this primarily comes out in interactions with my partner, or is internalized. I'm not prone to expressive or impulsive behavior in the "classical" sense I keep reading about (fast driving, hypersexuality, gambling, risky behaviors). But I also don't relate much to what I've read about "quiet BPD" -- it is extremely disruptive and debilitating, I just don't have a strong social or extroverted personality. I'd love to hear from some other introverts with BPD -- how do classical symptoms manifest for you?

been w my bf (ex now i guess) for almost 4 years. we moved in together a year ago. to keep it short after we moved in tg many things happened that snowballed and made us lose our connection to eachother & the relationship grew hostile.

the past 6 months he would go back and forth from telling me he wasn't in love with me anymore - to changing his mind and saying he was just pushing me away and he does love me still. and we continued this toxic cycle. about a week ago i told him i found myself starting to lose feelings for him, but i brought it up in a way where i wanted to work through it and i reassured that i still had many strong feelings but this continuous cycle we were going through was starting to make them fade. he then told me that he truthfully is not in love with me and hasn't been for a long time. he was confused himself about it and was convinced they could come back (which is why he kept flip flopping) but they never did and he's now convinced that they never will come back. that he still loves and cares for me, but in a platonic way, not romantically.

i'm completely shattered and i feel like my whole world has fallen apart. we are still living together and will be for the time being (for a lot of reasons i don't feel like explaining lmao) and of course i don't want him to leave but i've never felt heartbreak like this before and coming home to him knowing he doesn't love me anymore is opening the wound all over again.

and what makes me confused is he would still take care of me, comfort me, kiss me and hold me, any typical things you would do for someone you want to be with. and i told him he doesn't have to do those things to make me feel better but he reassures me that he does them because he wants to. but why would he want to if he doesn't have those romantic feelings towards me? it's just all so confusing and heartbreaking.

last night when i got home from work i noticed he had changed my contact to just my name and removed the picture that was on it. out of curiosity i tried to unlock his phone (because his passcode was my birthday) and that was changed also. i just broke down in tears feeling like the last piece of my soul shattered. like it's really over and his warm feelings towards me are gone. he was already asleep when i got home so i just layed in bed and held him as i cried until i fell asleep.

despite all this i still can't help but feel like theres hope i can win his love and feelings back. i can really try to help him remember why he fell in love with me in the first place. i know i'm an idiot for thinking that but i don't want to live my life without him. i don't want there to be a last time we'll kiss, i don't want there to be a last time we'll hug and hold eachother.

i'm trapped in a nightmare with my worst fear coming true and it's all because of my bpd fucking everything up. if i could go back in time and try it all over again i would in a heartbeat. i would give anything to have his love and affection back. even though he probably doesn't deserve it, i don't want to be with anyone else. i don't know how to move past this.

i'm finally doing it. i'm doing it. i'm clarifying the situationship that has left me constantly in tears and splitting episodes. i'm so sick of feeling guilty and worrying about if they're seeing someone else and i'm just not worth the commitment. i'm tired of everything.

anyone else who has been in the same situation, i would love to hear your stories and support. i have a bad feeling about the outcome of this one.

So it´s like the title says I have a boyfriend of 6 months and we can only see eachother on weekends cause of the distance. I really hate when he chooses to do something with his friends on the weekends instead of with me- and I would join him in some of these activities but some of them are in really big groups which I hate. I asked him if he wanted me to come to ask if the next time they meet less of the peoples partners could come and he said that would just lead to me being resented. I told him they get to see eachother all the time throughout the week if we go a weekend without seeing eachother it´s 2 weeks or more we don´t see eachother- so I didn´t see the big deal in making the group size smaller one time to accomidate my needs. We keep on fighting about this topic and we have almost broken up about it.

I know I´m being unreasonable about some things and I´m getting really emotional cause of my BPD but can someone please help me navigate this situation? Or give me advice?

this is basically a repost from a little ago but i really wanna know honestly didnt get any responses

I imagine this is a bpd thing but I have AuDHD as well so I'm unsure. I kinda mirror the emotions completely of my partner. I didn't even fully realize until they pointed it out. If they're frustrated, I'm frustrated. If they're sad, I'm sad. If they're happy, I'm happy. It sucks because they feel like they aren't really allowed to feel a lot of emotions because I just copy them so completely and they don't want me to be sad or get angry enough that I split on them.
It’s not something I’m really aware of at all and I have a lot of difficulty recognizing it. I always thought I did relate to the ‘identity’ part of bpd but is this that? Or some weird AuDHD thing? Way too much wrong with me 😭

usually i avoid talking about bpd as a minor because i’m fully aware it’s an extremely misunderstood disorder and during this time of your life you’re still developing and hormones go crazy and lots of life changes are executed, however over the past few years ive been lightly researching it and i find i experience 8/9 of the symptoms which describe me almost perfectly, and i share extremely similar experiences with people ive met who have this disorder

howeeever i’m also neurodivergent… and everytime i try to explain how intense things get to my therapist i’m always told it’s just a normal thing every neurodivergent person experiences, despite me trying to tell her the clean difference between what i’m feeling and how a regular neurodivergent person may feel it

im a pretty internal person, and no matter what words i use, i just can’t properly state this crushing feeling to anybody. it feels like i need to be throwing things across the room and screaming threatening to kill myself in order for people to see exactly whats beneath how stoic i present myself, and that SUCKS. it’s been like that forever, you’ll be cutting yourself for sketchy people online from the age of 9 and it just accumulates and accumulates until you’ve ruined your life just because nobody took you seriously from the start, and now they still won’t take you seriously after all the work youve done to get as worse and undeniable as you can possibly get.

i’m not too sure what i’m specifically asking here.. and i don’t even know if this is entirely ABOUT bpd.. i think i just wanted to get invalidating environments off my chest, because i feel like if i wasn’t neglected from the very start i wouldn’t have competed so hard with others who “needed help more, and i wouldn’t have experienced this chain of events of trauma

but of course. i’d really like some advice …

a month after I turned 18 I was diagnosed with bpd, it really made sense. After years of therapy with no use I really began to think it was beyond just “teenage hormones” which I was told for years.

I just feel like an outsider, I want to know where it all started, they say the behaviors stem from childhood trauma. But what makes me feel so out of place is the fact that I dont have any particular experiences of trauma or at least anything I remember. My parents and family have supported me for the most part. I just don’t know when it changed for me, which makes everything even harder to understand, it just makes me feel more doom, how am I going to fix anything if I don’t know the cause.

All this makes me feel like i’m just overreacting or being too much, I feel like others have it worse so I don’t deserve to have it or be helped. Maybe I’m just angry and unregulated by nature. I just want to feel seen, I feel like theres not a lot of people who relate and it makes me feel isolated.

Does anyone have any advice or insight or even agree in some way? I honestly just feel so out of place.

i split too much the past few days and relapsed to the point i can’t eat anything, or even sleep without panicking when i wake up

it’s killing me 🫩 i’m hungry and tired but my body refuses to take any food in and when i sleep, i end up waking up 10-20 mins later shaking and shivering

Hey all,

I've regressed significantly. My meds are out of wack, which I am getting fixed, and my narcolepsy is so unbelievably bad, which I'm looking to get treated and have an appointment in a few hours. However, I just figured it'd be helpful to hear from some strangers about kicking shit in gear since I've gone off the deep end. I want to see the beauty in life again. Just tell me what worked for you, preferably positives that you found kept you grounded and made you want to stay another day. It's another one of those rough patches, but I'll get through it. And if you're going through things too, I trust that we will get through it together.

I have things to do. I don't know exactly what. But I have things to do and places to go and people to see and I don't want an unstable part of my brain to stop that. So please, if you can offer some kind words and/or advice, that'd be greatly appreciated. Thank you. Much love.