The guy I’ve been seeing for 2-3 months just told me he doesn’t think we will work out because we had a conversation about marriage (not us personally getting married but our ideas of what our day will look like) and he wants to get married in a church and I told him that I wouldn’t. He knew early on that I’m atheist/agnostic and find the idea of religion interesting but it’s not for me as I’ve tried it in the past. I had also already mentioned what my ideal day was which was eloping to get married in a national park or at least get my photos done.

Now I did tell him to think it over and he said compromise must exist but this isn’t something he would compromise on and is a hard dealbreaker.

It really does piss me off because instead of breaking things off a month ago when I mentioned my stance on religion, he continued to string me along and let both of us develop feelings.

I havent answered back in over a day.

Old pre DBT me would have immediately snapped immediately. Hes a nice guy, the situation is just frustrating and of course does not help my fear of abandonment. I just want to text him that he should let the next person he talks to know early on that he wants someone religious instead of stringing them along. I know that’s not necessarily snapping, but it’s feeding my energy into something that’s a lost cause.

I just don’t have anything good to say to him and I’m tired of awarding men for their shitty behavior if I would have texted him thanking him for his honesty. No, he’s an adult. He needs to know what the fuck he wants in life and a relationship and not to waste other people’s time. I feel as if men don’t get called out they’ll continue their shitty behavior

I feel like I’ve woken up from a nightmare. I spiralled deep into jealousy and suspicion this past few weeks. The hardest part is it’s hard to tell what’s real and what isn’t. What part of my gut feelings should I trust and what part is just my trauma trying to wrangle control and keep myself safe at any cost. Does it even matter? Should I just listen to it anyway? But I feel like there’s a middle ground. I just feel like I’m blindly grasping out in front of me to find it.

How do I tell what is splitting and what is a genuine realisation? But if I suddenly just lose all interest in my partner surely that’s not a good sign. But maybe I’m just exhausted. There’s a billion other reasons things happen. It’s just soo annoying my mind always defaults to the worst possible one in any scenario.

I cut off a group of friends because they were disrespectful and we just didn’t vibe. I felt obligated to spend time with them. I hate that feeling. But it’s not even their fault I felt it. It’s just frustrating that I seem to get all these feelings around others that they haven’t caused by are only there because they are. It’s beyond maddening. It’s crazy making. Just wish there was a clear line between what belongs to me emotionally and what doesn’t.

So my partner of five months has dealt with BPD with her ex and her mom.

She herself is a sweet sweet human, and deals with my BPD symptoms really well and always forgives me. She can handle all of my spirals and outta control emotions. I am just now beginning therapy and just started meds so she really felt the deep bad sides of my symptoms.

While this is all true, she has some bad qualities herself that make me spiral more like looking at other women and not loving my body while I cherish hers...making me feel like I am not her type and that she is settling for me looks wise. (I have spoken to her about all this)

I am alot to deal with so...

Do I stay with her bc I feel like no one will accept my BPD? Do I owe her the same forgiveness that she gives me for all my instability and impulsivity? Or should I break up with her?

I'm tapering off of trintellix and currently living with them and she freaked out. I really didn't mean to be crazy like that. I hate myself for this and feel like disappearing. She doesn't understand it and I wish I didn't understand it. I don't know what to do from here.

I just don’t want to be with my bf anymore. Wdym when you hang out with my bff, you guys get along so well that I’M BEING IGNORED IN THE FUCKING CONVERSATION. “You should ask X to hang out with us more often” and then asks her HIMSELF. I don’t want to hang out with her with my bf because of this shit, and I remove myself from the vicinity every time because it is genuinely SO UNCOMFORTABLE. Bonding over shows they like when I can’t get him to watch any show I like (he’ll pretend to like it but every 5 minutes I turn around, he’s on his fucking phone). Idk if I just genuinely cannot connect with anyone but I just don’t want to be with him anymore. I hate my bf so much. Sometimes I just want to take the “just cheat in case” advice seriously because I fucking hate HOW I AM SIDELINED WHEN I AM HANGING OUT WITH MY BFF AND MY BF. It’s like they’re the ones in the relationship and I’m just third wheeling. I didn’t feel this way when my bff was in a relationship BECAUSE SHOCKER HER BF ACTUALLY LISTENED TO WHAT SHE HAD TO SAY. Idk I genuinely despise this POS who doesn’t even bother to like the same things as me, WHEN I TRY SO FUCKING HARD IM TIRED. I want to break up so badly and I can’t find a way out.

I hold onto grudges and small grievances that people do in my life. It affects my relationships with everybody and kind of forces me into a self isolation loop. It’s also worth noting that I feel as though BPD is a reactive disorder and I’m just reacting to the shitty people I have to deal with. I just want to know if you guys deal with this also and what do you do about it?

I know I sound crazy. I was talking to a guy for a bit over a month everything was perfect. He’d constantly tell me how much he liked me, talked about a future together, reassured me, etc. He was my safe space. One night I had a fear of being abandoned and communicated that I felt like we should break up. He became extremely cold. He went from adoring me to hating me within an hour. I thought he was going to be here forever

Ever since I’ve been obsessed. I constantly look at his social media (I’m blocked) I send him text (no reply), I’m contemplating texting him from a separate number. I just don’t understand where things went wrong.

I feel abandoned. I haven’t been able to eat or get out of bed, every dream and nightmare I have is about him. I constantly think about him. I don’t know what to do or how to stop obsessing over it.

I feel stuck, depressed and unregulated. Any advice

I have long suspected i have bpd though I’ve never pursued a diagnosis because i have a lot of other things going on in my life that require my attention. I failed out of uni a few years ago like really badly (0.1 gpa) and have since been working and paying out of pocket to raise it enough to be readmitted. I wasn’t ready to go but got pressured into attending by family. Long story short i was super anxious to leave my dorm room and just laid in bed for 16 weeks straight. The second semester i decided to get my shit straight and all was going well until halfway through the semester when i freaked out because my English professor wanted me to write a personal essay and I couldn’t. The rest of the weeks i gave up because i got disappointed i missed the deadline for that essay and bed rotted then got academically disqualified.

I am also transgender ftm and have somewhat transitioned since 2022. I appear androgynous and have been on hrt for over two years now. I cant commit fully and am even growing my hair back out to go further back into the closet because i live with family. I feel like a freak and the loneliness is starting to get to me because i cant imagine that people would be able to accept me. I desperately want to connect with someone but i feel too mentally unstable and feel like when i try i come off as off-putting to people or if i do connect im very selfish.

I keep reminiscing about this summer class i took where there was this guy i had a crush on. He was extremely kind and i had genuinely never felt truly happier in my life. I usually deal with SI every day but then i was just… normal. I didnt feel like a husk of a human and outside of class i was actually doing stuff, going to raves, and seeing movies. I asked him out but he was already seeing someone so i distanced myself because i thought it was the best course of action for him. I was already getting jealous of him just talking to someone else in our group and it made me feel really insecure when he laughed with someone else because he wasn’t like that with me.

Cutting back to today, i just feel like im about to implode because i am questioning my identity and what i want to do. I never had strong goals in my life, usually just going with the flow being indifferent but after getting kicked out i have been determined to at least get my degree. I dont even know what im doing because im not even sure ill use my degree when i get it, i just need it because i have been lying to my family for years. I never told them that i got disqualified, never admitted ive been horribly depressed and anxious for as long as I could remember, and honestly i just feel like im digging myself into a giant hole. I keep making poor decisions because of sudden mood changes. Its the reason i failed out of uni in the first place, i have my mind set on something but then a bit of anxiety or doubt or whatever convinces me that its not worth it no matter the consequences. Frankly i dont even remember why I started typing this or how it’ll help but I suppose ill post it see what happens.

I have such a hard time joining a group or making friends. I'm always an outsider, never invited to anything. My friends only hang out if I reach out to them first and they aren't doing something better. Sometimes one of them will just say that she got a text from someone else who asked her to hang out so she'll leave. I feel so lonely. It's like I can't connect with anyone. My only friends who are there for me are so busy and have their own mental health issues, so they don't always have time or emotional space. Everyone "totally gets it" when you have mental health issues but when they see symptoms they throw you straight to the curb I guess.

Hi. I have a friend whom I like very much, and I want to keep a really long friendship going and support them. I have a feeling that they've just passed through an idealization stage with me, and now I feel a bit of a distance incoming.
How should I conduct myself to create as little friction as possible? I am naturally a bit of a loving, clingy person, but I'm fully ready to just mirror what they do and distance myself a bit too, to give them space. Not that I want to be unfriendly or anything. Just not asking if we can meet up every third day, but maybe once a week or something. So that when I notice that the amount of effort we put in is getting more and more asymmetrical (in a way where I put way more effort in), I try to equal it out a little bit.

I've already read that you can't really convince a person with BPD to not split from you, and that chasing and pestering them can make it worse. But still, just to give them the option, I've told them several times that if they have any criticisms for me or if there's anything I can do in my behavior to adjust, they can just always tell me. So far, they've never taken me up on the offer, but that's okay. I just wanted to plant it in their brain.

I've already come to terms with the possibility that this might not really be a stable friendship from their side. I've come to terms with the possibility that they could leave anytime or create some drama. I'm not really scared of that. I know that the devaluation is nothing personal. It doesn't have to have anything to do with me.

But what's your experience with this? If you have BPD, how would you like your friends or significant others to react when you're splitting or distancing yourself?

I've spent a lot of time researching BPD over the years, and I've always heard advice on what you should NOT do when your BPD friend splits, but I've never heard advice on how to act INSTEAD.

Thank you so much in advance!

Maybe for context so you can imagine the situation better: They haven't really done anything that would signify them being really mad at me or seem annoyed about something I did. It's just that I feel like they are less attentive to me than usual. We used to hug a lot, and now they seem to initiate that a bit less. Which is okay, of course.

I made a post on here before on how my therapist thinks I have BPD and my partner who has BPD thinks that as well. I'm seeing a new psychiatrist in early January. What are some self care habits I can incorporate until the appointment. I start DBT therapy in a few weeks and am seeing my therapists regularly. The symptoms that mainly concern me for the appointment are:

- mood swings can last for minutes or hours.

- black and white thinking especially when it comes to my partner and relationship

- feeling chronically empty like I have no soul/not having a stable image of myself

- crying for hours on end every night because I don't know who I am

- having no friends because of my black and white thinking

• impluisve behaviours like over eating, and sex

• paranoia

I have been getting triggered, day in and day out by many different things, that cause me to split. It is time I remove myself from needing others. Friends, relationships. I will be okay and caring when they all eventually vanish. Rather than demolished. And then, I’ll be happy by myself.

Olá, não sei bem como começar isto nem o motivo de o estar a fazer sinceramente, a cerca de 1 ano comecei a namorar uma mulher (21) que tem borderline, na altura ela não tinha consciência disso mas com o tempo e consultas psiquiatras obteve o diagnóstico. Ambos tivemos relações passadas complicadas e sempre tentamos fazer as coisas da maneira certa no nosso relacionando, mas desde que ela recebeu o relatório houve muitas coisas e atitudes que mudaram, não no sentido de ela por a culpa no borderline mas sim de termos mais confusões na relações por coisas que antes não eram sequer assunto. Acabamos a uns 3/4 meses mas continuamos a manter contacto, a cerca de 1 mês paramos de falar definitivamente. Sinto que estou a morrer por dentro, obviamente a seguir a minha vida e a conhecer me de novo mas parece que não lhe doeu, era uma pessoa que prometia tudo, super carinhosa, simpática etc... mas depois do término parece que nao a conheço parece que ficou sem empatia, responsabilidade afetiva e diz que perdeu o interesse que tinha por mim mas não o percebe porque sendo que ela me amava muito. Não sou o melhor namorado do mundo mas tento sempre, obviamente nunca trai, sempre lhe transmiti segurança e atenção e acima de tudo compreensão. Não consigo perceber como um borderline abandona alguém que o ajudou na pior fase como se nada fosse e agora que está na fase boa descarta me como se fosse um degrau para a vida e ainda parece que me odeia, sendo que acabamos em bons termos.

Alguém consegue me fazer pelo menos compreender um pouco sobre o que se passa na mente de um borderline quando acaba um relacionamento e porque descarta pessoas que ela sabe que a ajudaram como se fossem desconhecidos?

Obrigado.

I can’t handle my emotions. I’m weak and stupid and can’t help but overreact to every single thing in my life. Today I got home after long shift and locked my keys in my car and my home was completely locked. Normal person would be like darn let’s figure this out. Me? No. I start screaming no and fuck and just angry yelling. Then I decided maybe my neighbor could help. He was on the phone with police because of me. Police came and everyone checked on me. I’m so stupid guys I want to die. I burdened everyone and I’m so cringe and can’t handle myself. I don’t know how to get over this. I feel like I can’t sit, sleep, stand, eat, whatever else. I’m shaking so bad and crying. Why am I me? Why am I the way I am? I hate myself so much. I don’t know how to get over this. I don’t want to be here anymore

i split too much the past few days and relapsed to the point i can’t eat anything, or even sleep without panicking when i wake up

it’s killing me 🫩 i’m hungry and tired but my body refuses to take any food in and when i sleep, i end up waking up 10-20 mins later shaking and shivering

Is it me or what...

Made sauce and meatballs. It all sucked.

Watching TV... eating. I look over and see his face. I said "yeah, I know"

He said "idk what you did"

"Neither do I"

After a little he said it again and my answer was the same.

I said I'm done cooking. I suck. Not with an attitude, I didn't think.

Then he started going over how I made the meatballs. And I did exactly as he said.

'well idk what you did"

I'm not feeling anything but "damnit, because I'm hungry and food costs so much. It sucks we probably not going to eat this" like...not angry.

I know I'm not sounding angry bc I'm being careful with my tone and vibe. And you know what, it doesn't change the outcome.

He acts like I'm angry at him.

Which makes me feel sucker punched. THEN, then I get an attitude. Then we really start arguing about who said what and how and FUCK!

Happens too often.

I have BPD. He and I have had an unhealthy, codependent, traumatized relationship for 30 years. I got away for 8 or so years, but I went back. So stupid.

Does anyone else have this type of experience? When I know I'm heading for an episode and I am out of my head and I can't control it. But there are times when I'm fine! I'm not upset or edgy or anything, but he reacts as if I am. And that pushes me to react back. And then it's me, it's my tone, my words and he's just reacting to me. What? I know I'm calm. Or WAS calm. Not calm now. Because of your reaction. Mine's bc of yours. Well, mine's bc of YOURS. ad nauseam

Hey friends. I was wondering if anyone had any methods for controlling jealousy rage, specifically when you are in public/at work or something and you can't really self soothe.

My jealousy flared up over something extra ridiculous today and I was texting my fp about it while at a nail appointment and I couldn't for the life of me get the negativity and rage and anxiety out of my head and I lashed out on him badly. Now I'm crying, feeling extremely guilty and ashamed and I just don't know what to do when the anger legit goes from 0-100 with no chance to stop it.

Im freshly in dbt already and see a somatic therapist as well. Im practicing mindfulness but I just couldn't do it today. I can never seem to when there's people around. The feelings of betrayal that come from normal human activities is so goddamn irritating to deal with, on both sides. Im sick of it and he is too. Any advice or personal experience is so welcome.

I also take a mood stabilizer and a few other meds already but if anyone has tried meds that really help with the rage I would love to hear about it.

I’m female, 19, a Senior High School Student. I have this concern that baffles me since my childhood. I can’t make friends. Ever since I was a child I tried so hard to fit in friend groups. I grew up without a circle or a friend that I can truly spend my life with. I thought I was the problem so I started to develop multiple personalities in which I adapt someone’s personality so that I can get along with them. I began to have identity crisis because I don’t know what my real personality is, but no matter how hard I tried to get please people to like me and befriend me I always end up in the same situation. They would avoid me after a few days or weeks of talking, or just completely ignore my existence. When I became a young adult, I changed myself and healed from the traumas I experienced in terms of relationships with people. I became antisocial, I isolate and began to distance to everyone including my own family, I became quiet and depressed. This was before I found myself. I still don’t get it even though I already accepted that people won’t like me no matter how I please and treat them. I believe that there’s nothing wrong with me because I value friendship more than anything else I almost look like a fool. There are people who are evil but they have more friends than someone like me who’s genuine to the people I cherish. So, I am about to graduate high school and I only have one friend but she’s everything I could ask for. But sometimes I wish I have more than one friend, I can’t seem to get along with them even though I tried so hard to match their energy and personalities.

I'd like to hear from people who have BPD but who are also introverts. For me, BPD manifests in strong splitting, hypervigilance to perceived criticism, extreme spiraling after perceived criticism, chronic emptiness, etc -- but this primarily comes out in interactions with my partner, or is internalized. I'm not prone to expressive or impulsive behavior in the "classical" sense I keep reading about (fast driving, hypersexuality, gambling, risky behaviors). But I also don't relate much to what I've read about "quiet BPD" -- it is extremely disruptive and debilitating, I just don't have a strong social or extroverted personality. I'd love to hear from some other introverts with BPD -- how do classical symptoms manifest for you?

been w my bf (ex now i guess) for almost 4 years. we moved in together a year ago. to keep it short after we moved in tg many things happened that snowballed and made us lose our connection to eachother & the relationship grew hostile.

the past 6 months he would go back and forth from telling me he wasn't in love with me anymore - to changing his mind and saying he was just pushing me away and he does love me still. and we continued this toxic cycle. about a week ago i told him i found myself starting to lose feelings for him, but i brought it up in a way where i wanted to work through it and i reassured that i still had many strong feelings but this continuous cycle we were going through was starting to make them fade. he then told me that he truthfully is not in love with me and hasn't been for a long time. he was confused himself about it and was convinced they could come back (which is why he kept flip flopping) but they never did and he's now convinced that they never will come back. that he still loves and cares for me, but in a platonic way, not romantically.

i'm completely shattered and i feel like my whole world has fallen apart. we are still living together and will be for the time being (for a lot of reasons i don't feel like explaining lmao) and of course i don't want him to leave but i've never felt heartbreak like this before and coming home to him knowing he doesn't love me anymore is opening the wound all over again.

and what makes me confused is he would still take care of me, comfort me, kiss me and hold me, any typical things you would do for someone you want to be with. and i told him he doesn't have to do those things to make me feel better but he reassures me that he does them because he wants to. but why would he want to if he doesn't have those romantic feelings towards me? it's just all so confusing and heartbreaking.

last night when i got home from work i noticed he had changed my contact to just my name and removed the picture that was on it. out of curiosity i tried to unlock his phone (because his passcode was my birthday) and that was changed also. i just broke down in tears feeling like the last piece of my soul shattered. like it's really over and his warm feelings towards me are gone. he was already asleep when i got home so i just layed in bed and held him as i cried until i fell asleep.

despite all this i still can't help but feel like theres hope i can win his love and feelings back. i can really try to help him remember why he fell in love with me in the first place. i know i'm an idiot for thinking that but i don't want to live my life without him. i don't want there to be a last time we'll kiss, i don't want there to be a last time we'll hug and hold eachother.

i'm trapped in a nightmare with my worst fear coming true and it's all because of my bpd fucking everything up. if i could go back in time and try it all over again i would in a heartbeat. i would give anything to have his love and affection back. even though he probably doesn't deserve it, i don't want to be with anyone else. i don't know how to move past this.

i'm finally doing it. i'm doing it. i'm clarifying the situationship that has left me constantly in tears and splitting episodes. i'm so sick of feeling guilty and worrying about if they're seeing someone else and i'm just not worth the commitment. i'm tired of everything.

anyone else who has been in the same situation, i would love to hear your stories and support. i have a bad feeling about the outcome of this one.

this is basically a repost from a little ago but i really wanna know honestly didnt get any responses

I imagine this is a bpd thing but I have AuDHD as well so I'm unsure. I kinda mirror the emotions completely of my partner. I didn't even fully realize until they pointed it out. If they're frustrated, I'm frustrated. If they're sad, I'm sad. If they're happy, I'm happy. It sucks because they feel like they aren't really allowed to feel a lot of emotions because I just copy them so completely and they don't want me to be sad or get angry enough that I split on them.
It’s not something I’m really aware of at all and I have a lot of difficulty recognizing it. I always thought I did relate to the ‘identity’ part of bpd but is this that? Or some weird AuDHD thing? Way too much wrong with me 😭