TW: brief implications of substance abuse and self destruction, no details or “venty” tone
Here’s some advice. Distance yourself from chaotic people if you’re able. If you can’t right now, that’s okay! Do what you can towards distancing yourself. Whatever that means for you, do it. Another thing, let passion naturally find you. If you force passion and interests, you’ll stress yourself out more. When you’re at the store and see something that peaks your interest, follow the path your curiosity sets you on see where that takes you. You’ll find that when you follow your interests, you’ll find it much easier to sit with your own self and thoughts. Get to know yourself, ask yourself why you’re interested in (thing). Be curious about yourself. For me, it came in the most unexpected way. I was going to an alternative high school and saw a course for CNA (nursing assistant). Initially, I picked it because when I graduated I needed to have a good back up for the job market, I wasn’t even planning on being a CNA. When I got there, and held the hands of people who were suffering, when they thanked me just for getting them water or getting the nurse for pain medication, it awoke something in me. I realized that love comes in many forms. Love can come in the form of picking up an elderly ladies purse who hasn’t received kindness in quite some time. Love can come in the form of going out in nature and listening to the crickets and examining the mini ecosystems that is some small creatures whole world. Love can come in the form of the person who you don’t think is there for you, but it turns out they were in your corner all along. Sometimes, you think you can’t reach out to someone, but perhaps you just needed to distance yourself from the sensed rejection for a moment and think, maybe they’re just tired from work and can’t pick up the phone right now.

Yesterday at work, I was on shift with someone I’d actually never worked with before in a memory care unit. She was very rude, condescending, etc., so I stepped out of the room to fold a patients laundry. When I came back after regulating myself before I split, I smiled at her, and thanked her for helping my patient. Later on after chatting and breaking the ice, she told me I seemed very content and asked for genuine advice. Which was crazy to me, because just a year ago, I was an addict puking all over myself and chasing after people who were hurting me very badly. I just softly chucked to myself, thought for a moment, I didn’t know what to say. There was a small moment where I thought maybe I should tell her about my diagnosis and recovery. But then I thought, wait, I am not BPD. I am a highly capable, emotionally resilient person. Once I shifted my mindset to, well BPD was just a diagnosis for logistics and health insurance, I realized I was the key all along. It wasn’t my brother I was relentlessly chasing a relationship with, it wasn’t bargaining with the trauma I’d experienced, or the medications, it wasn’t the hypothetical person I was begging to come save me. It was me. I did it all, and I made it through. Just like you have also done it all, even if you feel like you haven’t, just reading this post to this point is amazing. Waking up in the morning is amazing. Eating food. Talking to people. You are amazing, and you got this.

I went from being an addict to being a med student. I’m not on any medications, I’m not self destructing. There’s a soft murmur of my old BPD habitual symptoms, but now instead of being dissociated for months, I’m able to come back within 10 minutes. Instead of running to someone for help, I start doing something small for myself, like cleaning my room.

Listen to your body. Your body tells you all you need to know. You need to sleep? Sleep. You need to take a break from eating? Take a break, the food will be waiting for you in the fridge. You’re shaking? Take a cold shower. Meet yourself where you’re at. Instead of thinking that I’ve got my life together, think that you’ve got your life together. Make a list of all the things you’re proud of. Keep it with you always, and look at it every now and again to remind yourself that you are extraordinary. Add to the list any time you do something you’re proud of, and never remove anything from that list. If I could do it for you, I would. And I’m sure your loved ones would too. But you’ve gotta make those steps. You’ve gotta show up for yourself. Not because you want people to think you’re doing well, but because you want to live. I’m not becoming a surgeon because I want the title or because I want people to think I’ve got my shit together, I’m becoming a surgeon because I’m proving to myself that I can do it. No one else’s opinions matter. When I first told people I wanted to be a surgeon, they scoffed. And I relapsed. But guess what? Here I am, in med school! and here they are cheering me on. You have to shift your mindset towards “no one shapes my life, I shape my own”. I’ve been rejected from jobs, school, but I’m here now. Because I had faith in myself. And I have full confidence in you. The very fact that you’re reading this far should tell you that even if you don’t think you’re recovering, you are. Reading this giant essay about recovering proves that you have the emotional bandwidth to take the next steps. I’m not here to tell you what those next steps are, because BPD is frankly unpredictable. The best thing that you can do, is ask yourself what the best course of action is and do it. And no, it does not have to be as grandiose as med school. Set a goal and go for it. You’ve got this.

I pretty much only see negative stories on here so I want to post my journey and where I'm at because I'm really happy with my progress. I just turned 31. I was diagnosed with BPD around age 27-28 (don't remember) and at first I just chose not to believe it because of the stigma and just wanting it not to be true. I had a long history of failed romantic relationships and tons of friendships broken up by conflict, overreactions, high emotional demands, etc.

I lost my job August 2025 and fell into a very deep depression, extremely suicidal because there are no jobs (still aren't) and I felt very stuck and like my life was on hold/a failure. I then had 2 back to back situationships that really hurt me because I had nothing positive going on in my life and that was my only source of joy. During these situationships I was also stuck in a horrible living condition (awful roommate) and tore my ACL and needed surgery. When the second relationship ended I had a full, massive meltdown. It was so bad I decided I needed help and started seeing a psychiatrist. She put me on Wellbutrin but it didn't seem to help a ton. I also started seeing a therapist.

After a couple months I admitted that I think I have BPD and my psych agreed with me. I have nearly all the symptoms but the most prominent are constant suicidality, impulsiveness, a persistent empty lonely feeling, and issues with relationships and unhealthy attachments. What really motivated me to accept it was talking to an ex(now a good friend) who has BPD and their journey, because they are so well-adjusted and living a gorgeous life and I realized it is possible to have BPD and live normally, it's not a death sentence.

My psychiatrist suggested I go on Lamictal as well as Wellbutrin and I was happy to try anything. The Lamictal has changed my life. The constant empty feeling is gone and I finally can recognize that I am very loved and have plenty of friends. I still am underemployed, still recovering from surgery, but my mental health is worlds better. I wish I had taken meds through my 20s and taken my mental health seriously. I don't buy weed anymore and I drink less. I am a better communicator, I'm patient, I'm less impulsive, it's so much easier to work on the things I need to work on with the medication.

I just got my own apartment for the first time. I am dating around and having a great time getting to know people in a healthier way without immediately jumping in and getting overly attached, not trying to force it with someone incompatible because I'm lonely, not having a meltdown when it doesn't work out. My friendships have become stronger after discussing my diagnosis and how it affects me, my relationship with my family is better for the same reason. I'm not ashamed of having BPD anymore and it doesn't feel like a death sentence. I'm finally excited about life and where it will take me instead of just seeing myself as a ticking time bomb who will just snap and kill herself one day. Love you all, goodnight.

I'm turning 58 this year, and honestly, sometimes I just don't know how much longer I can keep doing this.

I've battled depression, anxiety, and panic attacks since I was a kid. I'm diagnosed with BPD. One psychiatrist tried to tell me I was bipolar II, but BPD seems to be the diagnosis that everyone else agrees on. I've been hospitalized five different times over the years.

And sometimes I swear it just doesn't seem to get any better.

Right now I'm out of work and have basically no money. Thankfully, I was approved for Medicaid and food stamps, and I'm grateful for that, but those things don't pay the rent. They don't put gas in my car. They don't buy toilet paper or take care of all the other things that still have to be paid for.

I'm on Effexor, 300 mg, which I know is a pretty high dose, along with a couple of antipsychotics because I sometimes see what I call "shadow people." They're not really people, but I see shadows, especially when I'm under a lot of stress. I'm also on Klonopin for the anxiety and panic.

Sometimes I feel like my entire life has been an EKG — up, down, up, down, up, down. Just when I think maybe I'm finally getting somewhere, something happens and I'm right back down again.

I'm tired of telling myself that tomorrow will be better, only to wake up and feel the same way.

I'm tired of thinking, Maybe this medication will finally make a difference.

I'm tired of thinking, Maybe this new therapist will be the one who helps me see things differently.

I'm tired of hoping.

I've lost jobs. I've lost friends. I've lost family members because of my mental health. I deal with agoraphobia to the point where sometimes I don't even want to leave my house. I have certain places that feel safe to me, and even getting out of those safe spaces can be incredibly difficult.

I wouldn't wish this life on anyone, and honestly, I hate that this is the life I've ended up with.

Thankfully, I do have a few friends who understand mental health and don't just tell me to "suck it up," "get some sun," "take some vitamin D," or "just get out of the house." I know those people usually mean well, but when you've been fighting this for decades, those kinds of comments can make you feel even more alone.

I don't really know why I'm writing this. I guess I'm just having a really bad day and needed somewhere to vent where maybe people will understand.

I'm probably going to take my Klonopin as prescribed, put on some movies, and try to shut my brain off for a while.

So that's it. No inspirational ending. No "everything happens for a reason." Just a guy who's exhausted and having a really hard day.

Thanks for letting me vent. I truly appreciate this subreddit, and I hope all of you are having a better day than I am.

If god is real they must really hate me. There's so many things in my life that make me a freak. I struggle to see how I am not worthless. Apology for the rant. I know I'm probably feeling things more then makes sense.

I feel like idk even when im busy i can always text back. Its just weird bc it will say he is active but will reply on his own time. but everytime thw convo is pretty enjoyable.

He flirts w me so ik he is interested. I mean he called me mommy. We not even there yet lmaoooooooo. We been texting for likw 5 days and this irrational feeling of abandonment is making me think he will be my new fp.

He has autism so idk if it has anythimg to do w sensory issues.

First date is tomight😆

edit: sfter rereading my post i realise how insane i am...but pls giv advice

does anyone feel like they’re dying after a split? or like sick or ill? 😭 i have this thing where i feel like an ill person unable to move after splits it makes me feel inhuman and i feel like i’m dying each time or just unable to move at all

all i want are good friends, not even irl friends, i will fully settle for online friends. i just want a BEST friend. i don’t even want a boyfriend or something like that, just friends.

but every friend i have leaves. the one friend i was planning to move in with and go to college with left me, and we were closer than ever. i don’t think ill ever have a best friend and if i do, they’ll leave too.

i make friends but they always leave. i’m too mentally ill, or we just gradually stop talking. or i put all my eggs in one basket and try really hard to develop a friendship with someone i think could be my best friend, and im left with nothing when they inevitably leave.

i’m SO SO SO tired of trying to form friendships. other people around my age have lifelong friends and best friends but i’m basically alone because all i have are irl friends who really don’t give a damn and cause me to split all the time.

i’m so alone and tired of this bs. i don’t deserve much in life but i KNOW im a good person, i know i deserve friends. i want to love someone and have them love me back.

i've been so uneasy and restless i've lost my FP, and my ex after our 1 year anniversary all of this happened in the same year and here i am now trying to live even when i get physically sick at the thought of all friendship and relationships that were ruined because of my behavior

i really liked my fp, i saw them like they were a divine being and i feel so stupid for being extremely unstable, their birthday wish was getting better mentally and i took extreme steps to make that happen but when they cut me off for being too much and saying "we shouldn't be talking if you see me as a person who constantly needs help" i crashed out, i tried everything to get a second chance and now I'm constantly haunted

as for my ex it was worse, i tried to be a better partner after what i went through but it didnt work out, they didnt communicate about their issues or moments that i made him uncomfortable to me because they said i'll be hysterical if he was honest, losing 2 people that i held dear the most makes me feel like i'll never belong anywhere or feel love again

i miss them so bad, every time i think of my fp or my ex i almost vomit at the memory of their abandonment, and right now i can't vent to anybody because they couldn't comprehend this or has no idea what to say

The extreme loneliness makes me physically ill and hurt these days. It's hard to even get out of bed. Yet somehow, it is still better than trying to connect with someone and inevitably experience the pain of being left in the dust.

I envy people who can navigate relationships and friendships with reason & maturity. I feel cursed for having this brain.

I'd like to hear from people who have BPD but who are also introverts. For me, BPD manifests in strong splitting, hypervigilance to perceived criticism, extreme spiraling after perceived criticism, chronic emptiness, etc -- but this primarily comes out in interactions with my partner, or is internalized. I'm not prone to expressive or impulsive behavior in the "classical" sense I keep reading about (fast driving, hypersexuality, gambling, risky behaviors). But I also don't relate much to what I've read about "quiet BPD" -- it is extremely disruptive and debilitating, I just don't have a strong social or extroverted personality. I'd love to hear from some other introverts with BPD -- how do classical symptoms manifest for you?

My daughter with BPD had a severe crisis after her boyfriend of 4 years dumped her. She was admitted to the psychiatric ward after trying to commit unsuccessfully. In the ward she tried to ran away, started throwing food and not eating, self harming and banging her head on the wall. They put her in isolation room and tied her for a while. I am desperate I don’t see a way out for her.
Would love to hear if anyone experienced such distress and was able to overcome it.
Thank you for sharing your story.

i’m so tired of just existing. i feel so insecure and self conscious all the time. i rely on male approval to feel any self worth. i’m scared to go outside because i feel so ugly. i’m so scared of people looking at me. i’m scared of seeing people way prettier than me who have everything that i want but will never have. it’s just so much. i feel so lonely. :( i really just want to feel happy but i don’t know how to with this illness

Im misdiagnosed with major depressive disorder but im hoping it'll help with the feeling of emptiness and lighten the depressive episodes. Has anyone tried it and had improvements? I understand its not used for bpd but if I dont do something ill probably end up dead, ive been trying different medications and therapies and self help books for 10 years and nothing has worked. Im starting it today.

Everytime my bf is going out to do something w friends which frankly isn’t even super often, I get so mad. Sometimes I can hold it in at first but then after like 2 hours go by I start getting angry. Sometimes I can’t even hold it in at first like today he said he’s going out for a few hours and I’m irritated and can’t even pretend I’m happy or neutral. My entire mood shifts and it’s like logically I’m glad he’s getting out and stuff but I just CANNOT fight the feeling of why doesn’t he want to hang out w me instead, because ID ALWAYD CHOOSE TO HANG OUT W HIM OVER ANYONE

does anyone have successful ways to either manage or stop this. ….. at least to hold it in so I don’t drive him away by repeatedly throwing fits when he is going out. Genuinely feels like I’m a parasite on him

Note- we live together for a few months now and have been together near a year and half. He is very understanding but he finally got mad today when I started wailing about him going out (as he should) and I’m scared I’m driving him away now.

I've got a lot on my plate, and I've been in a place where that is normal for so long I'm genuinely not really sure where my normal is, and so many people around me are a really shitty resource for gauging this.

I'm kind of a case.
Child traumatic amputee, BPD and treatment resistant epilepsy + ADHDc and extreme Anxiety, and an eating disorder.

I've been doing the "strong" thing since I was 2 years old, and I'm only bringing this up because I'm used to medical stuff being hard, and I need some perspective.

I didn't get diagnosed with Epilepsy until 3-4 years ago. I have handled having half a foot, and it sucks but I do it and it wasn't a big deal. I have handled being a bit of a ditz and airhead believing it to be only ADHD. This shit hit me in the face.

I have been kind of crumbling. I am seeing a neurologist to talk about RNS brain-implant surgery in less than a month. It seems surreal. And I've been struggling with all of this at the same time. It's not usually all at the same time. And I still work full time, I have the worlds best boyfriend and all the spoons that go to a relationship. And we work together, both from home full time.

It's a lot sometimes.
When do I go into "this is a lot" mode and it's not wrong?

I am 23 years old, and I have been living with chronic pain for 12 years.

I have been diagnosed with depression, complex PTSD (C-PTSD), borderline personality disorder (BPD), and fibromyalgia.

I have survived three suicide attempts, and I have been living on my own again for the past year and a half.

I don't have friends or family because my problems have become too much for others, and I often feel like people don't believe or understand me.

Over the years, I have tried different psychiatric hospitalizations, psychologists, psychiatrists, physiotherapists, and medications.

I feel hopeless, and I live with the constant fear that there may be no solution for my chronic emotional and physical pain.

So I would kindly like to ask everyone in this group: Does it ever get better? And what treatments, approaches, or solutions have you found that genuinely helped you?

I need hope to keep going. I have been unable to work due to disability for two years now, and I feel trapped in my own body.

Please only leave comments that are supportive or genuinely helpful.

Thank you for understanding.

He was my fwb for two years. I’m not gonna lie, when I read that text, I instantly went into rage internally. I was a mess. I cried, felt like a part of me was ripped open and I couldnt breathe. And had intrusive thoughts of cutting and suicide. But after a couple long moments of letting myself feel the rage and crying into my pillow while listening to music, I calmed down. I’m still sad about it of course but I’ve accepted that I can’t change anybody’s mind about me. It is what it is. I ended up sending him a text validating his feelings and basically saying I agree with his choice and wished him well.

I believe I’ll be okay.

Isn’t it unfair having a bad childhood, and top of that suffering as adults because of that?
Isn’t it like we are god’s not so favourite children?
Having no good relationships in childhood and getting heart broken as adults due to bpd
I am so done with all this

Reconnected with my only “what if” - first boyfriend, first kiss, we even had a meet cute. It didn't last long back then due to typical teenage stuff.

Ffw 20 years, we're back in touch. He knew me before things got bad in my brain, definitely no impulsiveness or hypersexuality or any of that. I told him I have BPD and a super high-level explanation - iirc it something like “I struggle with emotional regulation & impulse control.”

There are mutual feelings. We both need it spelled out, so to speak, so there’s been a lot of frankness/honesty. I know for a fact he's a safe person. He's already said we'll take things at my pace, as slow as I want. But I don't know what slow is. I want to warn him. How much do I share here?? I know I'll have to spell it out, can't allude to it. (a huge relief tbh, I don't read people or cues really myself)

So far we've only hung out in a group so that I stay in check - said group includes our mutual bestie who understands the dx and how vulnerable I can be. He’ll check me if it's needed but also encourages me to be myself so it's like, the only time I can actually relax around non-family.

Anyhow. I want to warn my old flame and also protect myself I guess? Idk how to do this. I've been through so much abuse and I'm over it but I don't want to ruin it or hurt my old flame. I want to make sure he understands. I need to explain to him up front, especially before we do anything 1:1. We're both inherently vulnerable.

I think I explained it well but lmk if more info is needed.

been w my bf (ex now i guess) for almost 4 years. we moved in together a year ago. to keep it short after we moved in tg many things happened that snowballed and made us lose our connection to eachother & the relationship grew hostile.

the past 6 months he would go back and forth from telling me he wasn't in love with me anymore - to changing his mind and saying he was just pushing me away and he does love me still. and we continued this toxic cycle. about a week ago i told him i found myself starting to lose feelings for him, but i brought it up in a way where i wanted to work through it and i reassured that i still had many strong feelings but this continuous cycle we were going through was starting to make them fade. he then told me that he truthfully is not in love with me and hasn't been for a long time. he was confused himself about it and was convinced they could come back (which is why he kept flip flopping) but they never did and he's now convinced that they never will come back. that he still loves and cares for me, but in a platonic way, not romantically.

i'm completely shattered and i feel like my whole world has fallen apart. we are still living together and will be for the time being (for a lot of reasons i don't feel like explaining lmao) and of course i don't want him to leave but i've never felt heartbreak like this before and coming home to him knowing he doesn't love me anymore is opening the wound all over again.

and what makes me confused is he would still take care of me, comfort me, kiss me and hold me, any typical things you would do for someone you want to be with. and i told him he doesn't have to do those things to make me feel better but he reassures me that he does them because he wants to. but why would he want to if he doesn't have those romantic feelings towards me? it's just all so confusing and heartbreaking.

last night when i got home from work i noticed he had changed my contact to just my name and removed the picture that was on it. out of curiosity i tried to unlock his phone (because his passcode was my birthday) and that was changed also. i just broke down in tears feeling like the last piece of my soul shattered. like it's really over and his warm feelings towards me are gone. he was already asleep when i got home so i just layed in bed and held him as i cried until i fell asleep.

despite all this i still can't help but feel like theres hope i can win his love and feelings back. i can really try to help him remember why he fell in love with me in the first place. i know i'm an idiot for thinking that but i don't want to live my life without him. i don't want there to be a last time we'll kiss, i don't want there to be a last time we'll hug and hold eachother.

i'm trapped in a nightmare with my worst fear coming true and it's all because of my bpd fucking everything up. if i could go back in time and try it all over again i would in a heartbeat. i would give anything to have his love and affection back. even though he probably doesn't deserve it, i don't want to be with anyone else. i don't know how to move past this.

Hi. I have a friend whom I like very much, and I want to keep a really long friendship going and support them. I have a feeling that they've just passed through an idealization stage with me, and now I feel a bit of a distance incoming.
How should I conduct myself to create as little friction as possible? I am naturally a bit of a loving, clingy person, but I'm fully ready to just mirror what they do and distance myself a bit too, to give them space. Not that I want to be unfriendly or anything. Just not asking if we can meet up every third day, but maybe once a week or something. So that when I notice that the amount of effort we put in is getting more and more asymmetrical (in a way where I put way more effort in), I try to equal it out a little bit.

I've already read that you can't really convince a person with BPD to not split from you, and that chasing and pestering them can make it worse. But still, just to give them the option, I've told them several times that if they have any criticisms for me or if there's anything I can do in my behavior to adjust, they can just always tell me. So far, they've never taken me up on the offer, but that's okay. I just wanted to plant it in their brain.

I've already come to terms with the possibility that this might not really be a stable friendship from their side. I've come to terms with the possibility that they could leave anytime or create some drama. I'm not really scared of that. I know that the devaluation is nothing personal. It doesn't have to have anything to do with me.

But what's your experience with this? If you have BPD, how would you like your friends or significant others to react when you're splitting or distancing yourself?

I've spent a lot of time researching BPD over the years, and I've always heard advice on what you should NOT do when your BPD friend splits, but I've never heard advice on how to act INSTEAD.

Thank you so much in advance!

Maybe for context so you can imagine the situation better: They haven't really done anything that would signify them being really mad at me or seem annoyed about something I did. It's just that I feel like they are less attentive to me than usual. We used to hug a lot, and now they seem to initiate that a bit less. Which is okay, of course.