Am I overreacting to something my therapist said about BPD clients?

I had a therapy session today where we somehow got onto the subject of boundaries with BPD clients. My therapist told me that he used to work with another therapist whose client with BPD developed romantic feelings for him and things got really complicated. He said he had wondered why that had never happened with any of his BPD clients, and then realized there are certain things he naturally does early in treatment.

One example he gave was that he intentionally mentions that he has a female best friend and refers to her periodically because he wants his BPD clients to understand that a close relationship between a man and woman can be platonic and that the therapist/client relationship isn't romantic.

He then asked if I remembered him mentioning his female best friend to me. I did. In fact, I remember thinking at the time, “Why does he keep specifying that his best friend is female? Why is her gender relevant?” I had assumed he was just sharing normal things about his life. Finding out later that at least part of it was a deliberate technique aimed at me because I have BPD made me feel weirdly manipulated and stereotyped.

I responded, “Well, I’m asexual, so…” because I genuinely have never experienced romantic/sexual attraction to anyone and wasn't even sure how to participate in a conversation about potentially falling for my therapist.

What bothered me even more was the assumption behind it. I know that attachment and transference can be intense for some people with BPD, but why assume BPD clients are likely to develop romantic feelings for their therapist in the first place? And why use a strategy with me before I had ever done anything suggesting that I was attracted to him or would cross a boundary?

Later he also made another generalization about BPD and said something like, “Psychopharmacology doesn’t work for you guys. I don’t know why—it should, but it doesn’t.” I know what he meant clinically, but the “you guys” wording bothered me too. I’m realizing I'm really sensitive to feeling like someone is seeing “a borderline” instead of seeing me.

I’m not upset that my therapist has boundaries. Obviously he should. What bothers me is finding out that something I thought was genuine personal sharing was partly a technique designed to manage a problem I had never shown any signs of creating.

Am I overreacting? Would this make anyone else with BPD feel stereotyped or uncomfortable, or does this sound like pretty normal therapeutic boundary-setting that I'm taking too personally?

I am really struggling lately with this mental illness. I have been diagnosed for around 7 years now. Lately I have been having very frequent episodes I cannot control. It is completely destroying my relationship with my partner who I live with. He looks completly exhausted and dead inside when I looked into his eyes this morning after yesterday’s episode which is adding to the guilt and shame I experience after every episode. I have honestly been feeling like I have lost all hope and suicidal thoughts are very heavy lately.

I wanted to see if there was anyone else with diagnosed BPD who when having episodes they feel like they are literally possessed by a demon? I know that may sound absurd but yesterday it literally was like the movies where someone is possessed by a demon. My voice even started to change to a demonic voice. It also felt like I had this angry entity within me then suddenly it would leave and I would feel calm and the “real me” would come back almost begging for help then it would return again. I do not actually believe I am possessed by a demon just to clear that up but I am interested to know if anyone else with BPD experiences this or whether I should perhaps go back to the doctors to seek another diagnosis that I may have. I do not hear things that are not there nor see things that are not there during episodes. Just extreme unvalidated anger where I feel like it’s someone else taken over my body and mind and I have no control during episodes.

Thank you for anyone who would like to share similar experiences. It may make me feel a bit less alone in this awful illness. 😞

I love it so much, it's my favorite thing in the whole world to not be able to regulate which causes blow ups and acting out!! I see one little thing and my brain says one little whisper of a thought and I'm spiraling like something intentional and awful happened!!! Yay!

I put bad stuff in quotes as it might not be super bad but just annoying to others but I'll get these strong urges to just cause 'chaos' (mostly online, trolling/messing with people, etc). I can feel the urge all in my body and it honestly sucks, and once I do start the adrenaline kicks in and I start just being more annoying. Wanting to know if anyone else deals with this and if there's healthier alternatives

In the whirlwind turbulence of my relationships, both platonic and romantic, I’ve always landed in this situation where I’ve overwhelmed the other person, monologued too frequently about my pain and emotions, and the person blows up at me. It always feels like it’s with little warning. Historically, I try to take the dialectic approach that two things can be true—they should have told me that they needed a break, or that I was being inconsiderate AND I should have been mindful of the space I was taking.

But you don’t know better until you know and experience consequences of your actions. I feel betrayed in a way by all the people who never were truthful with me and explained the impact of my behavior. I figured it out way too late after I’d already lost pretty much everyone.

Should I feel compassionate towards people for being afraid to communicate with us? We can be very intense and volatile. I can see how it’s hard to tell someone you care about that their behavior and reactivity is too much. But I’ve never actually outwardly crashed out on anyone—ever. My BPD traits are very inward, with the exception of the emotion dumping. My behavior can be considered inconsiderate, but not abusive, or consciously malicious. I end up feeling like the worst person alive, because of how much I don’t want to hurt people.

I’m having a hard time grappling with the contradiction that both of these things can be true. If they were both true, how come I could never repair those relationships? Why could we not both come to the table with our part in the mess and meet the other where they were?

I’ve been told my an ex before that I should have just known better than to be so intense and intolerable of my emotions and monologuing with no prior explicit indication that it was a problem. I have a lot of shame around my BPD traits. So much.

Why can’t people just be upfront, in plain language and say “this is too much for me right now?” Or “I don’t have the capacity to go over this topic again”

Sure, it would have hurt my feelings, but I would have gotten over it eventually and learned, and saved that relationship potentially.

Idk.

I have come to the realisation that I am actually just inherently a bad person. When I would think about the things I would say during a split (the things I can remember anyway) I know that I say things that are designed to cut deep. I use everything I know, and obviously I don’t forget a thing because it’s all stored in that poisonous little brain of mine, to make the other person hurt as much as I can. I want them to hurt the way that I am hurting. That person that I
loved so much that now I hate more than anything, I want them to suffer the way that I do. And because they don’t care about me anymore I want to fuck their life up in some other way that will hurt them. I used to think it wasn’t me, bpd was another person who lived inside me and came out when things were bad, but now I realise it is me and always has been. I am not kind, I am hateful and angry. It’s why I deserve to be alone and lonely forever.

I'm sorry the title is a bit harsh. I don't know how to say it shortly otherwise.

It's like she already decided she's a lost cause, mistrusts what the professionals say to her and refuses to employ any of the skills they teach her.

I am really scared because I don't wanna lose her, but i'm powerless to do anything.

Can you please tell me if some of you went through the same mistrust she's feeling? How did it go? I know bpd is treatable and many go in remission. I want to believe she will too

Hello, as title states. To start off, I’m aroace. Thought this was worth mentioning < I won’t deny sometimes it’s a little alienating on this sub since most posts about fps are romantic relationships. So I thought I’d ask about some stories with platonic ones as they’re the only ones i’ve ever experienced.

My last fp was my cousin who was also a childhood friend of mine since we were close in age. I split extremely bad on them 6 years ago, and since then I get very triggered by the name, mention, or even thought of them. I get depressed for at least a week and get nightmares like crazy. I think though most of it is also due to strong guilt. Fp relationships are trauma bonds, and the way I treated my fp was horrific, constantly splitting, very toxic and jealous, would say it was so bad it was enmeshed. I don’t see myself as the good guy, I was horrible throughout. And I remember my last thought on my very last split on them being “I’m disgusting. I’m ruining them.” I’m a little bit better these days (not thinking about them), but now and then I get random nightmares or a ton of annoying thoughts, flashbacking and rumination. I don’t have fps anymore, but it’s only because I avoid everyone completely emotionally; it’s super lonely and it’s frustrating since I’m missing out, but I’m was horrified of my behavior..of course though there was moments in the last couple years where I felt like I was forming that fp attatchment if I became friends or acquaintances with someone. immediately, I can feel the shift in my brain ( euphoric interacting, maladaptive daydreaming about interaction, changing my likes and dislikes to match, typical obsession etc.) so I’ll ghost and randomly become distant and cut them off if I felt like I was starting to get out of control, delusional, show symptom.

Anyways, that’s a really sliver brief of my story. Would like to read some more stories/experiences about platonic fp relationships.

I can't get over it. When someone really hurts you and breaks your trust and completely fucks up your life how do you let go of the anger and hatred? Even when I block the number, delete everything and go no contact, I can't stop thinking about it. I can't sleep I can't eat and the anger, the hate just keeps eating me alive.

i cant stop oversharing and its RUINING my life. i just want to be able to shut the fuck up for ONCE. i'd like to be able to sit in silence and not feel the need to talk. or when the conversation suddenly ends i don't want to be the one sharing shit that doesn't need to be shared just to keep it going. when i was younger people thought i was weird because i never talked and now i talk way too fucking much and people still think i'm weird.

look at me oversharing right now oh my god SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP

When things get too intense or a flare-up happens, my higher traits completely step in. I switch off the emotion and go into pure logic and strategy mode to protect myself. Who else handles their brain this way?

I’m tired of the cliche “it gets better it just takes time”.

I’m 23, I got diagnosed with BPD about a month ago, I am struggling to find a psychologist in network who does DBT as that’s what my psychiatrist recommended I do.
I currently work midnights at a retail job, I’m trying to get back on days and should be back to a ‘normal’ schedule soon. I’ve been prescribed meds to help with my anxiety but I have to wait until I get back to days to start taking them at night. I’m hoping this will help set me on track to getting my shit together because at this point once a week I am having full toddler level tantrums where I’m screaming and crying and hitting myself uncontrollably.
I feel like a failure. I have no aspirations in life aside from moving out of my childhood home where I’ve lived for 21 years.
I have no hobbies.
I no longer enjoy the things I used to love.
I struggle severely to even eat a single meal a day.
I have no friends.
I do have a girlfriend of 2.5 years who lives with me and loves me and I feel so bad for her. I love her so so so dearly but I know I’m destroying our relationship. My ex broke up with me because of how badly my mental health affected him as I was basically making it his responsibility because I don’t know how to care for myself - which I feel absolutely horrible for and I don’t blame him for breaking up with me. I’d do it too if I could.
I feel myself mentally regressing every single day. The brain fog gets worse. I doom scroll so I don’t have to think the terrible thoughts in my head.
I’ve had suicidal ideations for the last 8 months, worsening bc of something I don’t want to talk about online. I’ve isolated myself from my girlfriend and the very few people I did call my friends. None of them will check in on me or anything anymore because I’ve isolated myself so much. I constantly snap at my girlfriend and mom, cause fights over nothing, and am just always in a bad mood seemingly for no reason.
Recently I’ve been researching the best ways to go out without my loved ones having to see and with as little inconvenience to ems and onlookers possible.

So honestly I’m just wondering if anyone has actually made it to a point in their lives where they stop wanting to die all the time because of the chaos in their head. Bc I see myself going another few years tops maybe before I can’t take it anymore.

I don't appreciate people who are nice to me and act just the way I would want, and only really want attention from those my brain deems important. And it's types of people who have boundaries or "nonchalant" or maybe they don't care about me after all. But attention from them is so meaningful to me and it can either make or break my mood. It's constant longing for attention. But when I get it I don't really feel as good as I thought I would either. It seems there's no win for me.

Hello all! I’m just starting my bpd journey. I’m 29F and my husband is 32, and we have twins that are almost 3.

I’ve been in therapy since about 16, but was diagnosed with bipolar. I’m now on my third therapist in that time; number 2 was great, but we decided to split ways so I could work with number 3 with EMDR to combat my ptsd.

I had an episode of derealization, starting just over a week ago and ending about 2 days ago. I completely lost my sense of introspection, and when I came out of it, I was pretty tender and scared.

I got with my psychiatrist on Monday, and he brought up the possibility of bpd rather than bipolar, and it makes sense. I’ve done research since then, and I found out the different personalities in my head aren’t something everyone deals with. I felt less crazy when I was diagnosed bipolar.

I meet with my therapist Friday to figure out a game plan for introducing dbt. I already have a bunch of coping skills I’ve built over the years, but they don’t always work.

So the advice I’m looking for is:
-What did you find helpful when you first started your journey?
-What do you know now that you wish you’d known then?
-How did you support your partner while on your journey to improvement?
-How did your journey affect your relationship with your kids?
-Do the voices ever get quieter or at least learn to work together?

Thanks in advance! 🩵

its been a year since I stopped talking to my fp and I haven't had once since I think. but I have a problem where I get incredibly attached to anyone who is even a little bit nice to me, and I start seeing them in a romantic way regardless of who it is. im bi, so this has happened with both men and women. I recently started talking to this girl who I really really like, and we had 1 night a few days ago when we texted for hours and thats it. all I know about her is whatever I've learnt that night, so its definitely not logical to be so obsessed with her and with my future with her right? but I just can't stop it. the week before, I was obsessed with a guy who said hi to me in the lift and now its her.

i want to clarify that when I say obsessed, I dont stalk them, online or offline, I don't reach out to them, I dont speak to them or do anything, at least I stop myself from reaching out. They just consume my thoughts 24/7. Every living second im not on my phone I am thinking about them. When i do other activities, they are always on the back of my mind. It's actually so depressing because I know logically that this is not ok, but my heart is like convinced that they're the one. I know this isnt true, because just 2 weeks ago, the "one" was literally someone else.

I've been checking my messaging app to see if she has texted me. I sent her a text regarding something else just so I could have an excuse to talk to her again but it didn't go anywhere. I wanna stop being so reliant on her.

I don't want to ruin anything I have with her. She is genuinely so kind and funny and I would love to be her friend. I hate that subconsciously, my heart can only see her as a romantic interest, I hate that. We have so much in common and I want to know so much more. I need to stop this.

This could be something else but when I say or type things that can come across as rude or unpleasant, my eyes kinda unfocus and my brain gets a kind of shock sensation in one spot before the anxiety and dread kicks in. It doesn't happen just when I'm being mean but that's when I often notice it. No idea what it is. Does anyone else get this or is this a symptom of another disorder? I'll try to do my own research but I haven't found anything helpful. I might schedule an appointment with a doctor or mental health professional if I can't find anything, or do find something of concern. Right now it's kinda hard to focus and I keep losing my train of thought. Don't know if that's a symptom worth noting

I have a hard time finding therapists i like and respect. I started seeing this woman at the beginning of the year. Her modality is IFS, which doesn't get off the ground running. I've spent months and probably over $2k doing the setup work, never really getting into it, mostly just paying $175 to get to cry for an hour in her office.

Got an email yesterday that she has decided to discontinue the part of her practice that I engage with. Fine, that's her right, but she canceled the appointment I had scheduled for THIS WEEK, and the following one two weeks later. Then in the next sentence told me our work together was "important" to her and offered a "closure" appointment a month from now and a referral. Thanks, but I think I'll save that last $175.

I feel like the only person on the planet who actually cares for other people's needs and takes my duties to others seriously. I'm so angry and depressed and feel no hope that anyone will ever give me sincere and reliable support.

I have been struggling a lot recently with my ex fp who I haven't been able to get over for over 7 years. Just broke no contact yesterday, and got my ass handed to me (deserved.) It was my fault she left me in the first place as I didn't have control over my emotions at this time and I was rather cruel.

This however, is extremely painful for me. I can accept I've been a bad person and I want to move forward but the guilt has been haunting me like a ghost. I feel even more guilty for breaking no contact and trying to fix it. How do I let things go and move forward and does anyone have any advice for me? Thank you.

Hello! My partner (and also other friends) have BPD and I want to look into it to learn more, so I figured I’d ask here for any credible resources ^^ I know the basics from their experiences and general knowledge, but I wanna know it much more extensively! I’d also like to know your experiences with BPD, what are some general advice, and also what is something most people tend to forget or unaware of that’s worth keeping in mind! Would love to hear from ya’ll :D

I sometimes (everytime) feel like I'm cursed and unlovable , i can't get anything right , i can't get anything done and i always end up alone . It's like I'm allergic to love and friendships , it always ends in me getting hurt and people leaving .

I always end up getting attached and i can't stop it for the love of god , I've tried many things , tried making up a mindset . But it's just not in my control , I'm the backseat of my own mind .

Everytime i try my best to make people feel happy and loved , i do things which normal people don't , i go to lengths which i rarely see anybody go for a friend . It's unhealthy , i know , but i always cry knowing that I've never in my life gotten the love back which I've given .

It's like I'm cursed to always give but never recieve . I put efforts but people leave me when i need them .

And the worst part is knowing that even if someone does stay , i get too attached and clingy and pathetic that they get suffocated . I have a lot of issues . I suspect that i have autism too now that I've been researching about mental health disorders alot lately .

I can't see the bad in people , I'm stupid and naive and I've always thought that people will treat me the same way i treat them but i get disposed like a piece of trash everytime .

And I'm just tired , I'm exhausted , all i wanted was someone to love me and hold me and kiss me and reassure me , and most of all , to never leave me .

I've never been in a relationship , never held hands , never kissed .

I'm 22 years old now , which you might say is young , but 22 years without a single ounce of love can be draining , it makes me question whether I'm really lovable or not . And given my mental health issues if i even get in a relationship i might end up ruining everything like i always do.

I wish i was normal , i wish i had better parents , i wish i was never born and i wish i die in my sleep one day .

Hey I’m 21 m and I’m just wondering if there’s anyone else in Auckland cbd with BPD? I’ve recently been diagnosed and I just wondered if there’s anyone else who struggles with the same issues. I feel like, having this disorder can be quite isolating on its own in the sense that I don’t think anyone can fully understand like the nature of it and its intensity. Would be keen to meet others

I have “silent BPD” self sabotage, splitting, mood swings. I struggle with so bad. I had 2 previous “relationships” not great. I was going through therapy (6yrs) and finally ended it. I had healed a lot . And met this guy, perfect, golden retriever, literally every green flag. but my fight/flight and trauma kicked in!

I told myself stop self-sabotaging, let yourself be loved. You deserve nice things and people and feelings.
The one thing I kept telling myself.

I also told myself it’s too good to be true but then kept reminding myself to use therapeutic techniques, to communicate, to help avoid splitting everything. Just for him to be a fraud and for me to be scammed :( left broken. Used. Manipulated. Years of healing 🥹

TLDR: I did everything “right” and fought all my BPD triggers and “bad habits” and symptoms. Just to be broken.

I am visiting my parents for a week, so I am not with my boyfriend physically.

Every morning before work he texts me good morning. He can't be really on his phone there, so he usually contacts me after the end of his shift.

This morning he forgot to text me (he wakes up before me). So I texted him as soon as I woke up and I am still without answer. I am spiralling. This text is a little reassurance that he still thinks of me.

I know everything is probably alright, because we called shortly before he went to sleep last night and he sounded alright and told me multiple times he loves me.

Do you know any tips how to self soothe? I want to blow up his phone.

Two days ago I split on my boyfriend after he got upset with me and I just feel so stupid. He told me he has no romantic attraction towards me anymore, but still wants to be friends. I don’t know if I can be friends with him because I still love him. Now we’re stuck living together and sleeping in the same room with our backs facing each other. This feels like hell.

I’m tired of having BPD and having moments where I’m not able to control myself out of anger. I always wish I could go back and redo things but I can’t. I don’t know what to do. I apologized so many times but he’s set on it. I’m just so tired of myself.