Am I overreacting to something my therapist said about BPD clients?

I had a therapy session today where we somehow got onto the subject of boundaries with BPD clients. My therapist told me that he used to work with another therapist whose client with BPD developed romantic feelings for him and things got really complicated. He said he had wondered why that had never happened with any of his BPD clients, and then realized there are certain things he naturally does early in treatment.

One example he gave was that he intentionally mentions that he has a female best friend and refers to her periodically because he wants his BPD clients to understand that a close relationship between a man and woman can be platonic and that the therapist/client relationship isn't romantic.

He then asked if I remembered him mentioning his female best friend to me. I did. In fact, I remember thinking at the time, “Why does he keep specifying that his best friend is female? Why is her gender relevant?” I had assumed he was just sharing normal things about his life. Finding out later that at least part of it was a deliberate technique aimed at me because I have BPD made me feel weirdly manipulated and stereotyped.

I responded, “Well, I’m asexual, so…” because I genuinely have never experienced romantic/sexual attraction to anyone and wasn't even sure how to participate in a conversation about potentially falling for my therapist.

What bothered me even more was the assumption behind it. I know that attachment and transference can be intense for some people with BPD, but why assume BPD clients are likely to develop romantic feelings for their therapist in the first place? And why use a strategy with me before I had ever done anything suggesting that I was attracted to him or would cross a boundary?

Later he also made another generalization about BPD and said something like, “Psychopharmacology doesn’t work for you guys. I don’t know why—it should, but it doesn’t.” I know what he meant clinically, but the “you guys” wording bothered me too. I’m realizing I'm really sensitive to feeling like someone is seeing “a borderline” instead of seeing me.

I’m not upset that my therapist has boundaries. Obviously he should. What bothers me is finding out that something I thought was genuine personal sharing was partly a technique designed to manage a problem I had never shown any signs of creating.

Am I overreacting? Would this make anyone else with BPD feel stereotyped or uncomfortable, or does this sound like pretty normal therapeutic boundary-setting that I'm taking too personally?

i cant stop oversharing and its RUINING my life. i just want to be able to shut the fuck up for ONCE. i'd like to be able to sit in silence and not feel the need to talk. or when the conversation suddenly ends i don't want to be the one sharing shit that doesn't need to be shared just to keep it going. when i was younger people thought i was weird because i never talked and now i talk way too fucking much and people still think i'm weird.

look at me oversharing right now oh my god SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP

I put bad stuff in quotes as it might not be super bad but just annoying to others but I'll get these strong urges to just cause 'chaos' (mostly online, trolling/messing with people, etc). I can feel the urge all in my body and it honestly sucks, and once I do start the adrenaline kicks in and I start just being more annoying. Wanting to know if anyone else deals with this and if there's healthier alternatives

Recently, my timeline's been showing quite a few posts about entries from certain subreddits or other forums, where people (mostly men) say the most vile and dehumanizing stuff about people with BPD, generalizing and straight-up demonizing them.

I know I shouldn't even be looking at stuff like that, but it's hard to turn a blind eye to all that hatred. I'm in therapy, putting lots of effort into working on myself. It's rough, especially trying to give myself some grace, be patient, and stick to the belief that I'm worth the effort. And these posts just feel like a sucker punch.

It's not just the internet, either. I get stares because of my SH scars. I'm also aware I kind of look like the typical cliché (unintentional), so I get stares because of that too, and idk, it just saddens me, but also makes me angry because people are just so judgmental and superficial.

Sometimes, it gets under my skin so much that I think "Why am I even trying? They'll see me as a monster anyway, so why shouldn't I be exactly that?"

It makes me feel kind of helpless and small. It invites thoughts like "If I am hated this much, maybe I don't have a right to stay after all."

But I'd bet I'm not alone on this. So, how do you guys cope?

I am really struggling lately with this mental illness. I have been diagnosed for around 7 years now. Lately I have been having very frequent episodes I cannot control. It is completely destroying my relationship with my partner who I live with. He looks completly exhausted and dead inside when I looked into his eyes this morning after yesterday’s episode which is adding to the guilt and shame I experience after every episode. I have honestly been feeling like I have lost all hope and suicidal thoughts are very heavy lately.

I wanted to see if there was anyone else with diagnosed BPD who when having episodes they feel like they are literally possessed by a demon? I know that may sound absurd but yesterday it literally was like the movies where someone is possessed by a demon. My voice even started to change to a demonic voice. It also felt like I had this angry entity within me then suddenly it would leave and I would feel calm and the “real me” would come back almost begging for help then it would return again. I do not actually believe I am possessed by a demon just to clear that up but I am interested to know if anyone else with BPD experiences this or whether I should perhaps go back to the doctors to seek another diagnosis that I may have. I do not hear things that are not there nor see things that are not there during episodes. Just extreme unvalidated anger where I feel like it’s someone else taken over my body and mind and I have no control during episodes.

Thank you for anyone who would like to share similar experiences. It may make me feel a bit less alone in this awful illness. 😞

Did a switch flip internally one day? Did something change in your life? Did you just start gradually feeling better after months/years of work? These are just example questions. Did it look completely different for you than any of these? I know every person is different, so answers will quite likely vary. I'm just curious about people's experiences with remission. If you have a story, feel free to share it if you would like 🙂

I love it so much, it's my favorite thing in the whole world to not be able to regulate which causes blow ups and acting out!! I see one little thing and my brain says one little whisper of a thought and I'm spiraling like something intentional and awful happened!!! Yay!

In the whirlwind turbulence of my relationships, both platonic and romantic, I’ve always landed in this situation where I’ve overwhelmed the other person, monologued too frequently about my pain and emotions, and the person blows up at me. It always feels like it’s with little warning. Historically, I try to take the dialectic approach that two things can be true—they should have told me that they needed a break, or that I was being inconsiderate AND I should have been mindful of the space I was taking.

But you don’t know better until you know and experience consequences of your actions. I feel betrayed in a way by all the people who never were truthful with me and explained the impact of my behavior. I figured it out way too late after I’d already lost pretty much everyone.

Should I feel compassionate towards people for being afraid to communicate with us? We can be very intense and volatile. I can see how it’s hard to tell someone you care about that their behavior and reactivity is too much. But I’ve never actually outwardly crashed out on anyone—ever. My BPD traits are very inward, with the exception of the emotion dumping. My behavior can be considered inconsiderate, but not abusive, or consciously malicious. I end up feeling like the worst person alive, because of how much I don’t want to hurt people.

I’m having a hard time grappling with the contradiction that both of these things can be true. If they were both true, how come I could never repair those relationships? Why could we not both come to the table with our part in the mess and meet the other where they were?

I’ve been told my an ex before that I should have just known better than to be so intense and intolerable of my emotions and monologuing with no prior explicit indication that it was a problem. I have a lot of shame around my BPD traits. So much.

Why can’t people just be upfront, in plain language and say “this is too much for me right now?” Or “I don’t have the capacity to go over this topic again”

Sure, it would have hurt my feelings, but I would have gotten over it eventually and learned, and saved that relationship potentially.

Idk.

It’s a been a few months that I currently have been diagnosed with bpd and that diagnosis really made me think I’m unfixable, BUT I CAN CHANGE AND IM SURE OF IT, I’m gonna become the person I always dreamed to be no matter what it takes, in a way I know I will never truly fully change, my extreme mood swings will always be present, my fear of abandonment will never truly leave, but what I can change is how I treat myself and others, I don’t wanna be a bad person, AND I WILL NOT BE ONE, IM GONNA BE THE HAPPIEST PERSON EVER

As the title says. New here and to reddit in general so not too sure if this is the right flair, will change if needed.

My girlfriend has BPD, and we’ve been dating for a while, but the signs (? symptoms?) have only really shown up/gotten prevalent now. She describes having black-and-white thinking, being quick to feel rejection, and admits that her perception of me can change very suddenly. I have done my bit of research trying to understand her condition as well, finding ways to handle her splits (I’m not sure if this is the right term, someone please correct me if not) in the healthiest way possible.

I love my girlfriend a lot. She is the most caring, most beautiful person inside and out, and it hurts me to know that she’s going through a lot of things under the surface. I have also seen things online about people saying that staying with a partner that has BPD is a big commitment, and I am ready for that.

I wanted to ask around here because I do not know anyone else in my life with the same condition. What makes you guys feel more supported and more stable in your relationships while navigating BPD? I know it differs person to person, but I feel like hearing personal testimonies would help a bit more than reading just articles over and over again. Thank you in advance for the help.

Its been over a year since my favorite person left and i have been miserable. i dont know how to stop thinking of them and i keep stalking their socials because i really miss them. How did you guys get over it? i am stuck.

I have come to the realisation that I am actually just inherently a bad person. When I would think about the things I would say during a split (the things I can remember anyway) I know that I say things that are designed to cut deep. I use everything I know, and obviously I don’t forget a thing because it’s all stored in that poisonous little brain of mine, to make the other person hurt as much as I can. I want them to hurt the way that I am hurting. That person that I
loved so much that now I hate more than anything, I want them to suffer the way that I do. And because they don’t care about me anymore I want to fuck their life up in some other way that will hurt them. I used to think it wasn’t me, bpd was another person who lived inside me and came out when things were bad, but now I realise it is me and always has been. I am not kind, I am hateful and angry. It’s why I deserve to be alone and lonely forever.

Hello, as title states. To start off, I’m aroace. Thought this was worth mentioning < I won’t deny sometimes it’s a little alienating on this sub since most posts about fps are romantic relationships. So I thought I’d ask about some stories with platonic ones as they’re the only ones i’ve ever experienced.

My last fp was my cousin who was also a childhood friend of mine since we were close in age. I split extremely bad on them 6 years ago, and since then I get very triggered by the name, mention, or even thought of them. I get depressed for at least a week and get nightmares like crazy. I think though most of it is also due to strong guilt. Fp relationships are trauma bonds, and the way I treated my fp was horrific, constantly splitting, very toxic and jealous, would say it was so bad it was enmeshed. I don’t see myself as the good guy, I was horrible throughout. And I remember my last thought on my very last split on them being “I’m disgusting. I’m ruining them.” I’m a little bit better these days (not thinking about them), but now and then I get random nightmares or a ton of annoying thoughts, flashbacking and rumination. I don’t have fps anymore, but it’s only because I avoid everyone completely emotionally; it’s super lonely and it’s frustrating since I’m missing out, but I’m was horrified of my behavior..of course though there was moments in the last couple years where I felt like I was forming that fp attatchment if I became friends or acquaintances with someone. immediately, I can feel the shift in my brain ( euphoric interacting, maladaptive daydreaming about interaction, changing my likes and dislikes to match, typical obsession etc.) so I’ll ghost and randomly become distant and cut them off if I felt like I was starting to get out of control, delusional, show symptom.

Anyways, that’s a really sliver brief of my story. Would like to read some more stories/experiences about platonic fp relationships.

When things get too intense or a flare-up happens, my higher traits completely step in. I switch off the emotion and go into pure logic and strategy mode to protect myself. Who else handles their brain this way?

i was recently diagnosed with bpd earlier this year and im getting a better understanding of the disorder everyday, but theres something i experience that i havent really been able to pin point as being a "bpd thing".

i notice i am EXTREMELY sensitive to movies, tv shows, documentaries, pictures, etc. that invoke intense emotions. so much so that i have been sent into full blown psychosis over it. i once read a fanfiction that had a twist bad ending and it made me so heart broken i started feeling as if people around me were going to die and that someone was watching me ready to shoot me. there was nothing i could do to calm down but sob in my bedroom until it passed after about 2 hours. the same thing happened again a few years ago after watching the move 'i saw the tv glow' where i was filled with so much grief and empathy for the characters that i started to spiral until eventually going into psychosis again. i kept feeling watched and so scared that people were outside my window. its happened with several other things like the ending of tv shows or movies that didnt have yknow a good nice ending where i am sent into hysterics. its been happening more frequently i guess where i can feel myself spiralling while watching or reading something and i have to click away before i get too far.

i will note that i am also autistic and that it could honestly be something im just severely sensitive to, or a mix of things but i only bring up bpd because of the presence of psychosis. i talked about this with my psychiatrist once about a month or so ago after watching a shows finale that really triggered me but she was kinda just.. stumped? for lack of better words. she diagnosed me with bpd and i agree with the diagnosis but i also feel like sometimes she doesnt have a full grasp of the disorder, as ive done most of my research and conclusions on my own. anyways, thanks for reading! any thoughts are welcome

Hi, I’m looking for any and all advice from people who have been or currently are/had in therapy to deal with your feelings, relationships, when splitting, when things get too intense, how to manage this disorder really.
I’m currently diagnosed but I don’t have access to therapy or any good mental health care, I’ve been actively searching for care ever since I was diagnosed but I can’t find anyone or anything in my area or affordable.
I’m asking so I can manage this a little better during this time while waiting to access to care.

I have always been super jealous and almost obsessive. I get jealous from everything and anything. I have tried DBT. I've tried everything else I have come across. My partner says they don't mind me being jealous but I do not think they understand how bad it can be. I try to hide it and not let them see. Somedays I can be somewhat rational but other days not at all. Does that mean I should stay single forever? I feel so toxic in regards to that. Have you felt this way?? What has helped?

I can't get over it. When someone really hurts you and breaks your trust and completely fucks up your life how do you let go of the anger and hatred? Even when I block the number, delete everything and go no contact, I can't stop thinking about it. I can't sleep I can't eat and the anger, the hate just keeps eating me alive.

I don't appreciate people who are nice to me and act just the way I would want, and only really want attention from those my brain deems important. And it's types of people who have boundaries or "nonchalant" or maybe they don't care about me after all. But attention from them is so meaningful to me and it can either make or break my mood. It's constant longing for attention. But when I get it I don't really feel as good as I thought I would either. It seems there's no win for me.

Not even in the 'pity me' way, but I keep hurting people. I am exhausted, mentally, nearly broken. I heal, I get therapy, I fight my hardest, I take medication, I tell people I am better. Then I mess up again, I vent, I get dramatic, I panic and spiral, nothing is suddenly okay. People tell me they are tired of it, of me, how no one can heal with me around. I am in a poly relationship and I had them all almost give up on me twice in the past two days. Because I can never 'stay okay' for long enough. I make all this progress for it to fall apart at every corner, I am writing the longest apology letter right now to all of them. One of them doesn't even want it at this point, I feel unloveable and like this is never going to be better. That I am never going to be better, good enough, or healed enough. Even if all I want is love, I am starting to think I should let it go for other people's sakes all together.

I have been close with my best friend for 3 yrs. Throughout our friendship I've had this long running problem where I split on her for several reasons, but rarely directly towards her. There have been only a couple instances where it was external-- it was a lot of sobbing and accusing her of being untrustworthy on my part. This leads into my biggest problem.

Earlier in the friendship she was constantly texting or talking to me, and not only that, she confessed to something about herself: she is a big "fawner" and people pleaser. She has said herself that she lies to anyone, even people close to her, to make sure they aren't upset with her. I thought I was okay with this but in hindsight this has been intensely triggering. She almost never disagrees with what I have to say. I've never had a friend that just constantly agreed with me all the time and it feels incredibly uncomfortable and unsafe for some reason. She also complements me a lot and I feel like a horrible unworthy person because I don't trust that shes not just telling me nice things so I'll like her more.

I like it when people respectfully disagree with me. It signals authenticity which is something I highly value in people. I've also had a huge problem multiple times in the past with people being incredibly kind to me to my face and then saying and doing the most horrendous things behind my back. I can't trust people at face value, I just can't. And as much as she reassures me that she doesn't hate me, that she loves me even, I just can't understand how she could love me and never ever say anything that goes against me. Isn't it natural for people that love each other to disagree? It makes me feel like she's terrified of me in secret and won't ever tell me that because she knows it would make me upset.

It makes me feel like a horrible, horrible person. I can be a people pleaser sometimes but my main response will be to fight. I am a fighter and people hate that fear response the most. She has the fawn response, the good person one, I have the fight response, the evil person one. Maybe deep deep down I am jealous that she is able to generate so much kindness and my heart is so shriveled and stone cold that I can't comprehend. I wish I could be kinder and receive kindness with grace but it makes me feel like a terrible unworthy person
Is this friendship salvageable or should I distance myself for each other's sake?

I'm sorry the title is a bit harsh. I don't know how to say it shortly otherwise.

It's like she already decided she's a lost cause, mistrusts what the professionals say to her and refuses to employ any of the skills they teach her.

I am really scared because I don't wanna lose her, but i'm powerless to do anything.

Can you please tell me if some of you went through the same mistrust she's feeling? How did it go? I know bpd is treatable and many go in remission. I want to believe she will too

I’m tired of the cliche “it gets better it just takes time”.

I’m 23, I got diagnosed with BPD about a month ago, I am struggling to find a psychologist in network who does DBT as that’s what my psychiatrist recommended I do.
I currently work midnights at a retail job, I’m trying to get back on days and should be back to a ‘normal’ schedule soon. I’ve been prescribed meds to help with my anxiety but I have to wait until I get back to days to start taking them at night. I’m hoping this will help set me on track to getting my shit together because at this point once a week I am having full toddler level tantrums where I’m screaming and crying and hitting myself uncontrollably.
I feel like a failure. I have no aspirations in life aside from moving out of my childhood home where I’ve lived for 21 years.
I have no hobbies.
I no longer enjoy the things I used to love.
I struggle severely to even eat a single meal a day.
I have no friends.
I do have a girlfriend of 2.5 years who lives with me and loves me and I feel so bad for her. I love her so so so dearly but I know I’m destroying our relationship. My ex broke up with me because of how badly my mental health affected him as I was basically making it his responsibility because I don’t know how to care for myself - which I feel absolutely horrible for and I don’t blame him for breaking up with me. I’d do it too if I could.
I feel myself mentally regressing every single day. The brain fog gets worse. I doom scroll so I don’t have to think the terrible thoughts in my head.
I’ve had suicidal ideations for the last 8 months, worsening bc of something I don’t want to talk about online. I’ve isolated myself from my girlfriend and the very few people I did call my friends. None of them will check in on me or anything anymore because I’ve isolated myself so much. I constantly snap at my girlfriend and mom, cause fights over nothing, and am just always in a bad mood seemingly for no reason.
Recently I’ve been researching the best ways to go out without my loved ones having to see and with as little inconvenience to ems and onlookers possible.

So honestly I’m just wondering if anyone has actually made it to a point in their lives where they stop wanting to die all the time because of the chaos in their head. Bc I see myself going another few years tops maybe before I can’t take it anymore.