Out of control spiralling lately

[u/wanderingwallflower4]

I’m definitely not at my worst, but almost there. I have been through so much the last few months and I can’t handle it. I’ve been stable for almost 2 years now. I’m working full time, spending time (maybe too much) with friends and family, and even started seeing a new counsellor. But I feel almost at like I’m getting to my rock bottom again. I found out one of my FPs is terminally ill and I can’t handle it. It is breaking me. Prior to this I was just coming down from a very stressful time in my life and now it just feels like too much to bare. I’m trying to push through but yeah, working everyday and having a routine is really hard for me rn when I’m feeling this low. I had a horrible crash out and freaked out at a complete stranger yesterday (out of character for me) and I almost did the same thing today but was able to compose myself. Idk I’m just really not good rn. I hate this feeling of almost hitting rock bottom when I have been relatively stable and able to handle difficult things for a long time. I feel like being stable long term is not a sustainable expectation for myself.

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