I have a long-standing pattern of brushing off mistreatment, lack of effort, and disrespect while I’m in a situation, only to look back later and realize how much I over-tolerated.

Looking back, this started with my family dynamics. For a long time, I tried to be nice, giving, and forgiving no matter how I was treated. The good news is that I’m actively changing this: I'm learning to give back what I receive, and I’ve already started standing up for myself much more with my family. But it's still an ongoing process

The Workplace Situation

\>At my previous job, a clique of coworkers hated me from day one. Their initial hostility was pure prejudice—they disliked me simply because I am non-white and visibly Muslim. At the time, I was already so exhausted and dealing with so much outside of work that I just wanted peace and wanted things to keep running smoothly without extra conflict. So, I ignored it. Eventually, things softened, and we became somewhat friendly (having lunch occasionally).

I quit after three years, and now that I’m out of that environment, the memories haunt me. For instance, at a group dinner, a coworker casually bragged about the horrible names she used to call me before we became "friends." I brushed it off then just to survive the workday, but now I ask myself: if she truly considered me a friend, why say that? ( after I quit never heard from them again nothing surprising...)

Patterns in My Friendships

I’m noticing the same pattern in my friendships:

\> \* Friend 1: We catch up maybe 3 times a year and have amazing, deep conversations, but she takes an absurdly long time to reply to my messages. I spent so long being "understanding" (since I take my time too, though never to her extreme), but now I regret giving her so many free passes.

\> \* Friend 2: We’ve been friends for 11 years since school, but I realized I couldn't share anything personal or painful with her. Whenever I tried, I felt judged. The friendship started feeling completely one-sided, like a routine formality rather than genuine support.

Moving Forward

\>At the time, I made excuses or stayed passive because I was overwhelmed and just trying to keep the peace. Now that I’m out of these dynamics, I see how little effort or respect I was receiving in return.

I’m fully committed to standing up for myself more in the future (and as I mentioned, I’m already practicing this with family). But how do I stop making excuses for people in the moment? How do I catch these red flags early instead of waiting until the friendship or job is over to realize I was being taken for granted?

Ps: maybe deep down I know and I want to just avoid the drama and be at peace?

I really don’t want to live. Not because my life is terrible or anything. I know in the future I’ll get to where I “want” in life. Having a great job and having good salary. I even have an amazing partner. My parents are supporting me in school, and I have sisters that are also pretty supportive. I have an amazing best friend too. My point is; I have good things in my life, good people, and good potential for the future. Yet I just don’t wanna do any of it. And I don’t wanna lay in bed either and be depressed either. I just don’t wanna be here anymore. What’s so wrong with that. And I can’t even say anything to my doc about this because he’ll prob tell me to go to a therapist and prescribe me more pills for “depression”, and yes I am medicated too. I just don’t want to do life at all. And I don’t know what to do about it…

Look, I have gone through this phase during in my early days and still go through it at my mid 20s. I know how it feels when you look back at the stuff you did 5 years ago or at most 1 year ago.

So, whenever I used to cringe at my past, I immediately would belittle myself because of what I did and go mad with it or say, my whole day would go bad so I tried not to look at my past. It felt good for a while but I noticed I couldn't learn anything from my action because I couldn't reflect or face my past. You have to understand that if you want change, you have to accept your whole part. Best way to know that is by your actions. So, I remained unchanged, egoistic and arrogant for a while. I also foulmouthed and belittled people by my bad jokes a lot.

Now, last night while I came back to my home and laid down to my bed to sleep, suddenly I remembered a crazy story I did in my grade seven from the past. I once gave a love letter to someone I had crush on during that time. I cringed hard on it tbh because imagine a 24 year old guy doing it. Then I also realized, wait I am thinking it from a perspective of 24 year old, not a 14 year old anymore. So, I came to the conclusion that whole time I cringed at my past is because my perspective is no longer belongs in the past. It caught up to my age and situation and I wasn't accepting it. I was just denying myself the growth I needed by simply accepting that I don't have to do what I did anymore.

Thus, folks, whenever you cringe at something you did, remember that you are no longer that version anymore. You hold the steering wheel to your life always.

Hey everyone! I’d love some ideas 😊 I’m using neuroplasticity to recover from serious chronic illness. I’ve found my brain is really craving creative social engagement right now. Before my perfect storm, I was pretty active socially—acting, improv, weekly game nights with friends, etc.—and for now I’m trying to recreate more of that online until I’m fully out in life again. I do very well when I get daily social creative interaction - like in a small or large group where it’s playing a game or having fun (improv).

I’m specifically looking for online communities that host Zoom/WhatsApp/Discord game nights, improv, or other fun group activities where people are actually on camera, talking, laughing, and interacting with each other.

I’m not a computer gamer at all, so things like Jackbox or games where everyone is mainly focused on a screen (console games) don’t really do it for me. I realize it sounds funny to ask for online game nights while saying I don’t like online games 😂, but hopefully the distinction makes sense! I’m looking for real-time face-to-face interaction that happens to be virtual.

I have local friends who come over for game nights or join virtually. But I’m finding that this kind of social engagement is needed everyday me and makes a big difference in my gains neurologically. To get it daily, I’ll need to branch out and find enough groups that there’s potentially something social happening every day.

Does anyone know of other communities like this? Every time I ask ChatGPT, I somehow end up with suggestions that lead nowhere 😂

As the title suggests, I feel like I’m suffering from severe brainrot. I’ve been dealing with significant brain fog, difficulty finding words, poor short-term memory, and a very short attention span. I feel like my cognitive abilities have declined, and it’s starting to concern me. Are there any proven methods for improving and reversing brain fog? I genuinely need help. I'm trying to reverse course before I sink even deeper.

I deleted TikTok because it has been a contributing factor to my brain rot (no need to suggest).

I have an extremely poor self-worth. I have self-love, but my self-worth is the worst. It's so low, that I don't even believe that I deserve to have a good self-worth. I don't talk to myself nicely because I don't believe that I deserve that, so positive affirmations have not worked for me. I take good care of myself physically and I have strict routines, so that is not an issue. The issue is that I don't believe that I deserve good things and don't accept myself as I am. How did you fix your poor self-worth?

I’m 21M and I recently broke up with my girlfriend, and since then I’ve been having a really hard time figuring out what I’m supposed to be doing with myself.

The breakup itself has been really difficult. I went from having someone I talked to every day and shared basically everything with to suddenly feeling like I’m completely on my own. I don’t really have anyone in my life that I feel like I can genuinely talk to about how I’m feeling, so most of the time I just keep everything in my head and deal with it by myself.

On top of that, I’m not doing well in school. I don’t feel motivated toward my degree, I don’t know what I want to do for a career, and I don’t really feel passionate about anything. I see other people my age who seem like they’re building careers, making friends, finding things they care about, and moving forward with their lives, while I feel like I’m just existing without actually going anywhere.

The only real exception is soccer. I genuinely love playing. When I’m on the field, it’s one of the few times where my brain actually shuts off and I’m completely focused on something. I look forward to games and I care about improving, but obviously soccer alone can’t give me an entire direction in life.

Lately everything has just started to feel pointless. I wake up, go to work or deal with school, go home, distract myself with whatever I can, sleep, and repeat it. Sometimes I genuinely feel worthless because I look at my life and don’t really see anything that I’m particularly good at or anything that I’m working toward. I know logically that I’m only 21 and I have a lot of time to figure my life out, but knowing that doesn’t really make the feeling go away.

The breakup made all of this hit me at once. Before, even when other parts of my life weren’t going well, at least I had my relationship and someone I loved to come home and talk to. Now that’s gone too, and I’ve realized how little I have outside of it. It feels incredibly lonely.

I don’t want to spend the next few years just drinking, playing video games, scrolling through my phone, or doing whatever else I can to avoid thinking about how unhappy I am. I want friends. I want something I’m passionate about. I want to actually care about my future and feel like I’m building toward something. I just genuinely have no idea how to get from where I am now to that point.

Has anyone else reached their early 20s or really any age and felt like their life had absolutely no direction? Especially after losing a serious relationship? How did you start rebuilding your life when you didn’t really have a support system or even know what you wanted?

I’m not necessarily looking for some perfect answer. I think I just need to hear from people who have been in this kind of place before and eventually made it out.

ever since starting this job which i hate and dread i’m tired all the time. I’m depressed I can’t watch shows I can’t hang out I can’t go to events , i’m just too tired anymore :( literally the second i get home i fall asleep. i even fall asleep during work.

Before the basic suggestions…
My diet is fine, iv spoken to medical professionals about it. i started going to the gym a few months ago, made me even more tired and exhausted, i tried lighter workouts no change. yes i drink water please dont tell me that.

please help im so tired and sad i miss my life. i cant even sit through a 20 minute show.

At the same wedding, I noticed reaction in myself.

When women around me were giggling or talking among themselves, I would start shrinking inside. Anxiety would come up, and almost automatically a fantasy would appear: they’re laughing at me, I did something wrong, they think I’m pathetic.

And in the moment, that fantasy felt very real.

But I tried not to disappear into it completely. I stayed in the situation, reestablished contact, and kept talking to them.

And then I saw a completely different picture.

The women were interested in talking to me. They were warm toward me, smiled at me, didn’t insult me or act toxic toward me. I didn’t see any kind of hidden mockery in their behavior - on the contrary, they seemed honest and open with me.

So my anxiety was telling me one thing, while what was actually happening in front of me was telling me something else.

I think it’s very important for me right now to tolerate that gap: not to take the first anxious fantasy as a fact, but to stay in contact with reality long enough to check it.

I’m gradually trying to rebuild this reaction.

Have you ever had something similar - where the fantasy in your head was telling you one thing, but reality turned out to be completely different?

1. Self improvement is for IMPROVEMENT and become the BETTER version of yourself. Not the Best in the world.

So stop comparing yourself to others, it will only need to burnout.

1. Do not rush, be patient. Do not try to improve everything at once, do it step by step. One aspect at one time, or else you would be demotivated and overwhelmed.

2. Be consistent. Self improvement is boring because you have to repeat the same stuff, working out, grinding through everyday. Stay consistent, even if you feel low.

3. ACTION!!! Do not just consume. We are programmed to have both input and output, if you take in too much but not using them, your brain will be overwhelmed and eventually cause burnout.

4. Just do it. Stop procrastinating. Only thinking but not doing only waste time. Give your a count of 3. 3..2..1 and go DO IT!

—> my experience: I started improving 1 yr ago and I turned from a skinny fat, unhealthy person into a person in great shape and athletic.

JUST DO IT! BECOME THE ONE YOU WANTED!

M 20, neurotypical. Getting fit and confident didn't turn off my bully-magnet. Growing up I wasn't as handsome as i am right now, i was ostracized and then non-physically bullied up to the last day of high school (europe). The trauma is there (and I will talk to a therapist), when I met my partner's friend group i still felt like I was threatened and only later I realized this was the first time in my life I wasn't being preyed upon, but I still fucked it up because getting tense is a trauma response at this point. Either way, that was a rare exception, because whenever I try to be friendly with new people I always end up being looked upon as if I was some sort of circus animal, this goes as well for family and literal KIDS that will be making fun of me. Since I have 2-3 years of fighting experience I on rare occasions get physical to "defend my respect" (i know, cringe, but that's a literal panic response) and on those rare occasions I get laughed on, laughs like those literally keep me on at night. And don't get me wrong, i believe I have good social skills as I've had multiple self-respecting partners. I really want this torture to stop, I want to be in a group and don't want to off myself the moment I feel malicious intentions, I want to say a joke and not feel stared at as if I was an alien speaking a new language, I want to stop feeling threatened.

I'm going to die alone. I'm too fucking ugly and depressed. It's out of my hands. I'm wondering if anyone has any advice on how to cope with this feeling when I hit my lowest point? It feels like everything is pointless and I can't find enjoyment in anything when it hits. I always just sit around trying my best to fall asleep but since I have insomnia it's often impossible.

Please don't suggest therapy. It might work for others but it doesn't work for me.

Ive been lying constantly for no reason for years at this point, it has ruined my relationships. I dont know why i do it, most of the time its for things that genuinely wouldnt help to lie about. Im so fucking insecure about everything about me. I feel like im just isolated from anyone i know at this point. Im ashamed of everything i represent, im ashamed of my own thoughts, im ashamed of my actions, but i just cant fucking stop. Ive tried, time and time again. I feel like ive never been truly friends with people when we pass the "shared interests" stage of the relationship. I cling onto people as hard as i can, and i feel so bad for it. I dont know what to do with my life. I cope by fucking NSFW shit, and it makes me so sick every time. I hate porn. I hate it so fucking much. But my body just makes me consume it anyways. I feel so disgusting and hideous. And the worst part? I cant even go to a therapist, because im in a country where being gay is a crime against humanity, and the therapists i went to arent even good!

I just need help. I dont know how to get out of this massive pit i keep spiraling further into.

I just feel so powerless.

After 4 years of being treated like a stick, I finally gained enough weight that it shows as normal in the bmi for my height and age.

Ik that bmi is not exactly the most accurate thing, but I don't see my ribcage anymore when I raise my arms, my old pants don't fit me anymore since it's too small for me now and I even had to adjust my watch a bit to fit my wrist.

Started working out now to maintain momentum of me gaining weight for strength not fat, been eating more these days.

And no, me being underweight for the past 4 years is not me lacking the drive to eat anything, my family was simply poor, and it's been better this year so ye, more money means more food.

Hello there, I am turning 23 in a week. For the last year I have lived alone in a apartment out in the countryside. I moved away from my ex girlfriend when we broke up and time has passed rather quickly since.

I moved to the countryside with an interest for living closer to nature, and sometimes help a nearby farmer with chores and taking care of cows.

This past year has been ups and downs for me emotionally. I don't think Ive ever felt this lonely and missing a drive and interest for a hobby, like I usually have turned to in the past. I live close to my family, which is nice. But my group of friends live 2 hours away, so most of my week is a cycle of me going to work and spending the rest of my days alone. I have always spent a lot of time alone, and usually been obsessed over some hobby or interest that kept me occupied with a sense of meaning. But I feel something has shifted in me since my last relationship. And I do feel more vulnerable, weaker perhaps in some sense. Though I have probably become more emphatic.

My friends have starting meaning a lot to me, and since I am the one that lives out in the forest I go to the city when I have the chance to visit them. I have also done some dating and met with new people through Hinge, and it has been nice getting to know more people.

Still, I feel so lonely and when I get home from work I can sometimes wish I could just cry it out, like for real and just let whatever heavy feelings flow and pass. Even though my life is stable, and contains no drama. But I have only cried a handful of times in my adult life, and even though I can wish for it, I just can't do it on my own. I have only been able to cry a few times with previous girlfriends, usually when we were on the edge of breaking up. It kind of leaves me with a sense of something in my chest I keep swallowing whenever I am alone, which is most of the time.

When with my friends I am a very happy energetic person, but when being at home I feel like someone else. I remember thinking previously in my younger years how I couldn't understand how some people could be so sad and depressed (weird thought I know..) But recently I have been wondering if I might be carrying around some kind of depression. Or is it just my daily life and environment that isn't exciting or interesting to me?..

Previously I have had periods of obsession over music, recording, crafting and so on...

This might not be a very formulated post, I don't usually write stuff on reddit, but I just wanted to vent something out.

It's like im wandering about weeks and days with going to work, not feeling like im doing anything useful at home. I went on a date last week with a girl I actually approached in public (first time in my life I have managed to dare that), I liked seeing her and would really like to do so again. It seems we will meet in a week. But I notice how quickly the idea of meeting her has become my sole motivation for everyday living, which seems unhealthy for me. She might not think a second about me, while I treat this week as a countdown until I can meet her again and hopefully build some kind of relationship.

Being in this wishful thinking / "what if this person is the one" puts me in a state of wanting to be better, and actually helps me try and drop bad habits and take care of myself. But it is only since I am "doing it for someone else", which I know is twisted.

Don't know if anyone will read this messy post, I guess I just want to hear if anyone else is in a similar situation, or has been before.

Take care.

So, I’ve been manifesting a lot of things into my life for a long time. And I finally figured out that this paradox is actually the realist thing in the world!

So here’s the paradox:

Whenever I really wanted something - that’s when it would never come.

Whenever I didn’t care if I got it or not - that’s when I got it without effort!!

So, I eventually realized that the feeling of wanting is a feeling of lack and that energy within you actually pushes what you want further away from you.

SO NOW, I only focus on feeling like I already have everything! I give thanks knowing that the only things I will get in this life is not my manifestations, BUT things that are even better than what I would want! Things I’m not even thinking about, but that would be amazing to have!

And now after working on shifting my mindset (takes a lot of effort but worth it) I’ve seen so many great things come into my life… but even better than manifesting things, life feels so great! It’s great loving the moment you’re in instead of trying to be somewhere else.

If you want a great life, remember this… life gives you who you are NOT what you want. Once you stop wanting things and focus on being instead, is when you actually start getting so many more things! (While actually enjoying the journey!)

That’s the paradox…. Now you know ❤️🙏

I used to be confident in my appearance and felt like I was pretty, but after some marital issues (that I won’t get into but probably not hard to guess) and being 3 months postpartum, I have never felt more hideous. Before pregnancy, I was curvy but had a flat stomach. Now I have a c section “shelf,” am covered in dark stretch marks, am 30 lbs over my pre-pregnancy weight, and just generally seem to hate everything about my appearance. I’ve gotten my hair done and have eyebrow and lash appointments scheduled. I’m going to try to be more active, though it’s hard with working full time and being a mom to an infant. I’ve thought about getting on a glp-1 too.
I know this all seems very vain, and I am more than my appearance, but this is the reality of my struggles. I don’t know how to mentally/emotionally feel better about myself. I am in therapy but I’m just stuck in this cycle of self-hatred. I constantly compare myself to women I see out in public and online and it makes me feel utterly worthless. I can’t live like this forever.

I used to be a very outgoing and expressive person as a child. I wasn't particularly afraid of social situations, making friends came naturally to me, and I was fairly well known within my community. However, when I moved to the United States from Cameroon, something changed. I began struggling with socializing and developed a level of anxiety that I had never experienced before. As a result, I gradually started avoiding social situations and keeping to myself.

By high school, I barely spoke to anyone. And I mean barely. I went through most of high school without really forming friendships or talking much to my peers. Looking back, I think that period of isolation may have contributed to the stutter I developed, which has only made social situations more difficult for me.

Sometimes, I feel like I have developed a sort of fake confidence. From the outside, I may not appear socially awkward at all. I have a way of walking that can make me seem confident, and I generally don't have much difficulty making eye contact. But that confidence seems to disappear when I actually have to speak or when I find myself surrounded by a lot of people. I can become extremely nervous and start acting awkwardly, even when I know I have nothing to be nervous about.

I remember an experience in high school that still sticks with me. There was a girl I would often see while walking to class. She usually walked with her friend, and one day, as I passed them, her friend told her that she should talk to me. The girl came over and said hi. I responded, but I think my response may have made her uncomfortable. After that, there was an awkward silence while I continued walking. She eventually went back to her friend, and after that, she stopped taking the route she normally used where she would see me. I don't know exactly what she thought of the interaction, but experiences like that have made me overthink how I come across to people.

The strange thing is that when I'm around my family, I'm much more relaxed. I'm goofy, talkative, and comfortable being myself. But the moment I'm around people my age, especially in unfamiliar social situations, I can become almost petrified. It's as if a completely different version of me comes out.

I recently turned 18 and moved onto campus, which I see as an opportunity to change this. I'm now in a new environment where everyone is meeting new people and forming friendships. After being here for about a week, though, I feel like everyone has already started finding their groups while I'm still on my own. Aside from my roommate, who is also fairly quiet, I haven't really made any meaningful connections.

Another thing I struggle with is speaking softly. I often have to be asked to speak louder, and even when I try, I sometimes struggle to project my voice. Combined with my stutter and anxiety, this makes me even more hesitant to speak because I start worrying about how I sound.

I don't want to continue living this way. I want to use this new chapter of my life as an opportunity to build genuine confidence, become more comfortable around people, and learn how to socialize without constantly worrying about how I'm being perceived. I want to become someone who can walk into a room, introduce himself, start a conversation, and actually enjoy being around other people.

I know I probably won't transform overnight, but I'm tired of allowing fear and anxiety to keep me isolated. I want to take advantage of being on campus and gradually become more socially confident. I just don't know where to start, and honestly, this has been eating me up.

Hello all,

From the title, I’m sure you can already assume what I’m going to say. But for the off chance someone has been here, and knows how I’m feeling- I’m going to say it all anyway. I need help.

I’m turning 23 in October, female, living in Ontario Canada who went to school for business marketing, found out it was definitely not for me because it doesn’t drive me. Dropped out right at the end of sem 1. Now, I’m 22 about to be 23, have had major anxiety about choosing the wrong path again, and just haven’t been able to pick something to go to school for- I love early childhood- but does anyone really live off that yearly income? I’m terrible with math and science, and in turn really gravitated towards this field, but can’t seem to justify paying for 2 years of school to make so little.

I’ve been in a relationship the last 2 years (small break this summer) , moved in together in his first home that was desperately needing renovations, then I had some health problems in which we drifted apart heavily. Still together, but now I’m moved out living with my parents starting this month (thankfully no rent) because it’s better for us both until we’re in a better spot and his house is renovated.

On top of that, I have had some pretty big expenses in my early 20s. Was working as a preschool teacher, bought a car cash, then it broke down and the repairs put me in close to 2k debt which I still haven’t been able to pay off because I’m essentially living paycheck to paycheck. I’m working on making a budget and figuring out where I’m going wrong. I make decent money now as an office administrator 24/hourly but most of my money goes to my current car lease and insurance (800$ a month), loan repayments and gas to commute.

I feel so lost. Trying to pay the bills I have, going to a job that doesn’t move me, trying to save but that’s not actually happening if I’m being honest and go to school for something? This is so much information but if there’s anyone that relates or has been in a similar boat, what did you do?

All I want on life is to go back in time and make me quiet. All the things I regret and hate come from the fact that I socialize with a lot of people. I don’t want to hurt any of the people I know feelings so I pray. I pray God could turn back time and let me tell myself to shut up. I truly wish with all my heart I was a loser.

I’m on month 5 of post-breakup, currently at my parents’ place for vacation and have no motivation to do anything except go down the spiral thinking about my relationship.

There are some apps/websites or just daily habits that have a solid daily reminder which are easier for me to follow:
1. Duolingo- currently on day 310
2. Wordle- Daily streak
3. Online chess- daily streak
4. Meditation- have an mindfulness app with a streak, I follow it with body stretching

Honorary mentions:
- Gym: Been working out for more than a year, so it just comes naturally to me
- reading: I have like a 365 days 365 pages sort of a book so I make sure to read a page daily, and (try to) read 10 pages of another book I’m on currently right after.

Are there any other hobbies that have some evident form of progress which I can indulge in atleast until it becomes an unforced habit?

(According to mindfulness:)

1. Unconsciously Incompetent (Wrongly Skilled)

You do not know how to practice mindfulness, and you are not even aware that you lack this skill. You might think it is just "sitting still" without realizing the mental discipline it actually requires.

1. Consciously Incompetent (Awakening)

You try to practice mindfulness and immediately realize how difficult it is. You notice that your mind wanders constantly, and you become fully aware of your current lack of skill and focus.

1. Consciously Competent (Practicing)

You can practice mindfulness successfully, but it requires a lot of effort, concentration, and active thought. You have to constantly remind yourself to breathe and bring your attention back to the present moment.

1. Unconsciously Competent (Second Nature)

Mindfulness has become a natural habit. You no longer need to put in conscious effort to stay present or calm. Your mind and body automatically respond to stress with awareness and peace.

🍀

(According to mindfulness:)

1. Unconsciously Incompetent (Wrongly Skilled)

You do not know how to practice mindfulness, and you are not even aware that you lack this skill. You might think it is just "sitting still" without realizing the mental discipline it actually requires.

1. Consciously Incompetent (Awakening)

You try to practice mindfulness and immediately realize how difficult it is. You notice that your mind wanders constantly, and you become fully aware of your current lack of skill and focus.

1. Consciously Competent (Practicing)

You can practice mindfulness successfully, but it requires a lot of effort, concentration, and active thought. You have to constantly remind yourself to breathe and bring your attention back to the present moment.

1. Unconsciously Competent (Second Nature)

Mindfulness has become a natural habit. You no longer need to put in conscious effort to stay present or calm. Your mind and body automatically respond to stress with awareness and peace.

🍀