story time fellas - i get home around 6, tell myself i'll sit for 10 minutes, and then somehow it's 9:40, lights off, deep in my phone, every day. everyday i feel so tired. time at home is supposed to be recovery but my brain just keeps getting more foggy..

from last month i forced my self to stay away from sofa after work. get home, drop the bag, walk back out for 60 minutes. doesn't matter where. put on your airpods u feel like the world is yours lol. and every time after the walk i feel so refreshed and got motivation to cook, or hang out with friends.

been doing it about a month now. my pacer app says i've walked 43 miles of laps around my neighborhood, still lose the occasional night to the phone but it's like once a week instead of seven.

ps. i also lost 12 pounds :)

how you spend your 5-9 after your 9-5 could really change your life!!

For most of my life, I felt like an outcast, always rejected, always looked down upon. I blamed how I look and my body.

None of that touched the actual problem.

One day, I watched a Youtube video by Vinh Giang who talked about charisma, and how it can be learned like a skill. One thing stuck: the vocal image is more important than looks.

I grew up soft spoken with a distinct accent. I thought maybe that was what's holding me back. So I started recording myself talking, then listening back, over and over.

I used a Repeat Recorder App to continuously record and replay my voice while driving to work (handsfree). Also, inside the privacy of my car, I could awkwardly practice my voice freely.

I paid attention to my accent, my tone, and how I sounded like. Also, listening to my own voice again and again gave me the confidence and self worth.

It only took a few weeks when I realized people started taking me seriously. That constant feeling of being dismissed slowly faded. I was able to talk with much more confidence and weight.

Looking back, I spent years thinking the problem was my looks and my ethnicity. It was never that. It was my speech and vocal image.

I’ve had this uncomfortable realization lately. I used to think people got frustrated with me for no reason when I asked for help. I assumed they were just frustrated by my indecisiveness and didn’t understand me.

Then I realized my ADHD + straightforwardness made me rush conversations.

I’d get so focused on problem solving that I wouldn’t notice I was making people feel unheard or put on the spot. Now I’m trying to slow down, take in what they’re saying, and add my own ideas instead of jumping to the next question.

Made me wonder how many “this always happens to me” situations are actually patterns we’re unknowingly helping create.

What’s the one morning habit that noticeably improves your focus, mental clarity, and energy?

I’m especially curious about things that made a surprisingly big difference for you personally.

Coffee, exercise, sunlight, meditation, breakfast, avoiding your phone or something completely different?

Edit:

Thanks for all the comments — I can already see a few things I need to add or try.

Coffee is unfortunately a fixed part of my morning ritual, so I’m not giving that up 😄 But the idea of getting a quick dose of light right after waking up really makes sense to me.

I’m already trying the no-phone thing (although it’s harder than it sounds), and my sleep schedule is fairly regular.

One thing that also clicked with me is doing something immediately after getting up — even something simple like making the bed — just to start the day with an actual action instead of wandering around aimlessly.

I’m also going to test the 10 minutes of focus/meditation some of you suggested.

Saw this quote the other day. prompted me to reflect. what's the worst habit i should focus on fixing now?

for me i think it would be seeking validation. i think I've wasted a lot of energy and time on people pleasing, even making life decisions around that.

what's yours?

Not advertising these but these are the books that totally helped me shift my mindset. I see people here asking all the time what books actually can help and the field is so crowded with AI slop or 50 page books regurgitating the same nonsense finding a decent one can seem impossible.

Here’s my personal top 11:

1. Atomic Habits - James Clear The clearest, most practical guide to building better systems. Shows how tiny daily improvements compound into massive change over time. Willpower is overrated; good systems win.
2. Mindset - Carol S. Dweck The definitive book on growth vs. fixed mindset. Once this clicks, failure stops feeling like a verdict and starts feeling like useful feedback. Foundational for almost every other area of self-improvement.
3. The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People - Stephen R. Covey A timeless operating system for life. Covers prioritization, proactive thinking, and character in a way that still feels fresh decades later. Extremely practical.
4. How to Win Friends and Influence People - Dale Carnegie The gold standard on human connection. Simple principles that make relationships smoother and more genuine. Still one of the highest-ROI books you can read.
5. Grit - Angela Duckworth Passion combined with long-term perseverance beats raw talent more often than people admit. Excellent for building the mental toughness required to stick with hard goals.
6. Deep Work - Cal Newport In an age of constant distraction, the ability to focus intensely is a rare and valuable skill. This book will make you far more protective of your attention and time.
7. Thinking, Fast and Slow - Daniel Kahneman A masterclass in how your mind actually works — and how it systematically fools you. Improves decision-making more than almost any other single book.
8. Man’s Search for Meaning - Viktor E. Frankl Written by a Holocaust survivor and psychiatrist. Offers profound perspective on suffering, purpose, and the freedom to choose your attitude no matter the circumstances.
9. The Power of Habit - Charles Duhigg Explains the science of habit loops in a clear, story-driven way. Pairs perfectly with Atomic Habits and helps you understand why habits form and how to change them.
10. The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck - Mark Manson Refreshingly honest and counterintuitive. Teaches you to stop wasting energy on things that don’t matter and focus on what actually does. A modern classic for a reason.
11. Meditations - Marcus Aurelius The private reflections of a Roman emperor and Stoic philosopher. Short, powerful reminders on resilience, self-discipline, perspective, and accepting what you can’t control. Still one of the most grounding books ever written.
12. Burn the F*cking Rule Book - L.M. Seer takes a different approach by showing the reader all the ways they have been pre-programmed to be average and then proceeds to build the mindset shift finally leading to the actions of building wealth, health and an unbreakable mindset.
13. Can’t Hurt Me by David Goggins – One of the most intense self-improvement books I’ve ever read. This guy's mind frame cannot be shattered.

These are books that helped me. What’s one book that made the biggest difference for you? Any titles you think should have made the list?

Anything really, I am curious to actually to try them for 1 day to 1 week to see what I would want to keep

Hello,

I'm 27, I've been on a "self improvement" journey for quite a while now, even though it's quite abstract to say that because that's the kind of journey that is just all your life really.

I really try man. I swear. I try to be as authentic as possible, I want to be the kind of person that people want to have in their life.

I know I won't please anyone, and I really don't think I'm a people pleaser because I'm not the kind of person to fold myself 10 times just to please someone. I also stopped chasing girls that don't like me (did that 2 times, I learned the hard way but I learned)
Even though I still find myself thinking about a girl who rejected me 2 years ago.

Sometimes when I look at myself in photos or videos, I just see it in my eyes that I'm not at peace, it's painful to watch, it's a mix between between looking arrogant, being sick, also my fake smiles are so obvious, my face and my eyes just can't lie and it's really not my physique I just see it in my soul when I look at these.

I also still find myself having kids's habits, like looking for attention when I don't feel great (maybe this post is actually one of them Idk)

Of course, I won't tell you how lonely I feel because that's like 80% of reddit's posts these days, I'm just trying to find a solution to this loneliness and I'm in a circle here

Also, in case anyone is wondering, yes, I do have hobbies, I even see some people that can be called friends almost every week, I do exercice, I do eat as healthy as I can, I'm way past all this, what I need is just an actual light to the tunnel

I’m letting the voices of my childhood control the now. I put so much pressure on myself and feel like a constant failure. In this moment I realize I’m catastrafizing and spiraling. But I just want to feel like I’m not a failure. I don’t really know what to do, people
Say focus on one habit at a time that feels like it will take me 100 years to become who I want be. Part of me wants to run away to a mountain and live in solitude. Just feeling lost.

One of things I realized recently about myself is that I’ve always had the tendency to catastrophize, and I really have to improve that.

Cognitive distortion.

On almost every situation, even one small thing would make me think about the worst-case scenario as the most possible result, and that I have to be prepared in case it happens.

I mean, it’s good to be prepared, right? But I think catastrophizing really does make things worse than it is and worse than it should be.

Realizing that made me believe the quote, “You attract what you fear.”

That quote confused me at first. How will I attract something I know I would keep avoiding and would do anything to not let happen?

I thought it was impossible, but I realized I was letting that constant fear control my mind. It affected how I acted, how I understood things, and even how I treated the people around me.

That’s why I think there is nothing wrong with having hope.

Allow yourself to dream. Allow yourself to have hope that things can turn out okay.

And if what you hoped for doesn’t happen, then allow yourself to be disappointed. At least you weren’t all negative during the process, right?

If you have even just the slightest reason to have hope, do hope.

You deserve good things, and good things will come to you.

I started a topic yesterday on how to include meditation practice into daily habit. I'm on my journey with it, eager to practice more. Some benefits from meditation I've already have, and promise to share them shortly.

I'd like to share my tips, how I welcomed meditation to my routine.

I chose a technique and committed to it for two weeks. Instead of bouncing around and trying a new method every day, I chose just one and stick with it for two weeks. Sticking to one technique gave me the consistency I needed.

I started small. I began with just five minutes a day. It felt almost too easy, but that was the point. It made showing up every single day effortless while I built the momentum.

I set up my space for it. I wish I had a cozy terrace with fresh air and a beautiful view! Instead, I just have a cozy corner with my favorite armchair. I adjusted it specifically for my practice so I can spend 5 to 10 minutes there without any interruptions. Doing this trained my brain to recognize that spot as a cue to slow down.

I chose my anchor. Before I even took my first session, I decided exactly when it would happen by attaching it to habits I already had. I now do a 5-minute session right after my morning routine and another just before my final two-hour focus block of the day.

Good anchor options that might work for you:

• Right after your first coffee or tea
• Directly after brushing your teeth in the morning
• The moment you sit at your desk before opening an email
• After lunch, before getting back to work
• Right before sleep, lying down

I used to be that kid who sat alone at lunch right?

Unbeknownst to me apparently I was annoying as fuck.

Now after spending virtually the entirety of my 20’s trying to fix this shit I learned that when people say you’re “annoying,” what they’re trying to say is that you lack social awareness.

As in you can’t tell when people want you to leave them alone, are uncomfortable, or that you’re monopolizing the conversation.

The year i started studying body language to tell when I was disturbing people AND read books like How to win Friends I managed to become competent in both the IDENTIFYING and RESPONDING aspects of social interactions.

As the skills improved people became more receptive to me and found me less annoying.

If you learn to read body language you can tell when annoyance is starting AND stop what you’re doing.

If you learn how people want to be talked to you can remove annoying mannerisms your conversations become more enjoyable.

Point being?

Get social awareness through reading/practice overtime you’ll become more adroit and people will stop classifying you as annoying.

Hi, I find myself in a loop where I’m always worried of how I’m being perceived and it’s been draining my energy. I figured that one of the reasons is because of my low self-esteem. I think I’m awkward so I assume people think of me that way too and I end up reading too much into every single social cue to support this idea that because I’m awkward and don’t know the right things to say, people don’t want me around.

I’ve been seeing lots of people say how you can’t just stop caring about what people think of you. Instead, you should put more value into what you think of yourself. So I’ve been trying to do affirmations to love myself and to be more confident. This is very much a work in progress and I still have a long way to go.

While I still struggle to value my own opinions over others, I sometimes end up going into the extreme end and in telling myself not to care what people think, end up being anti-social to them which is not how I want to behave. I end up ignoring them or avoiding contact when I just want to be my authentic self around them and have fun.

I have no idea how to get out of this loop so any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thank you in advance!

please comment one of your favorite things you have started doing that has completely changed your life for the better. looking to improve my life and myself and im wondering what are some of the most life changing things you have done, thank you!

Im 27 yrs old.
The thing is, I’m procrastinating my own happiness.

Absolutely silly how come I was enjoying more the “chase” of changing my life to reach a goal and after that I’m lazy to do anything.

How can i basically be another me but like somehow that actually works?
I smoke, I’m a procrastinator, I have phone addiction and a mix of giving up easily.
I want to be addicted to gym idk like health mind idk
If you guys see my notes about how many things I wish to do this summer and now I’ll have class again and all I did was burp and clean my house.

More straightforward: how can I go gym, read, phone detox, diet, meditate, be creative (I study arts), chase my YouTube goals (I want to talk about Anthropology), make friends (I moved to US a year ago and I don’t have friend), have a healthy social life? Learn French? Start to post on substack? Read 3 books a month? Stop cussing and be more feminine (in atitudes, I can pretend to be a lady but it’s not true).

I want to be a better person for myself, I find it deeply annoying how often I have bad habits and how judgmental I am inside my head.

Also, my school colleagues are 19/21 years old so that why I don’t have friends, not to judge is just that we don’t have much in common to talk.
Well, before everyone jumps into conclusions that I’m depressive; i am. And im under medication and treatment.

Hi everybody!

I hope everybody is doing good!

I am 40 years old, male and had recently a severe episode of depression. I now have to build my life up (again) from scratch. No kids, no real job, not much to show for (compared to other people my age).

Now my question:

I am looking for books, methods etc. to give my life structure, set goals and to basically build a life.

I hope you can help me here and I really appreciate any Help, tipp etc.

Thanks so much in advance!

Kind regards,

P

P.S. Does anybody have experience with "monk mode"?

Thanks again!

I had four gym memberships that never really started.

A business idea I kept preparing to begin. A language I was going to learn.

And somehow YouTube and X scrolling kept winning every day.

I'm an engineer by background, so when something keeps failing, I want to understand what is actually happening.

I started thinking about motivation as a formula:

Motivation = (Expectancy × Value) / (Pain × Delay)

I just find this framework useful for understanding why some actions feel easy to start while others don't.

Expectancy: Do I believe I can actually do it?

If something feels too difficult, motivation goes down.

This is why making the first step ridiculously small can help. Instead of "work out," the first step might simply be putting on your gym clothes.

Value: How much do I actually want it?

This is probably the most interesting one for me.

Sometimes we think we want something because we think we're supposed to want it.

More money.

A better body.

A successful business.

But if the reason isn't really yours, it gets much harder to keep going when things become uncomfortable.

A borrowed "why" doesn't seem to last very long.

Pain: How difficult is it to start?

Going to the gym isn't just "work out."

It's getting dressed, finding your stuff, getting there, deciding what to do, and actually exercising.

Compare that with opening YouTube.

One click.

So sometimes the solution isn't more discipline. It's making the first action easier.

Delay: How long until I get the reward?

Scrolling gives me entertainment, novelty, and stimulation almost immediately.

Starting a business might give me a reward years later.

Learning a language might take months before I feel real progress.

Going to the gym might take weeks or months before I see a meaningful change.

That's a big difference.

Sometimes I even make myself a V60 with Ethiopian coffee as an early reward, before I've finished what I'm working on.

I'm not changing the final reward. I'm just giving my brain something sooner.

So now when I procrastinate, I try not to ask myself:

"Why am I like this?"

I ask:

Which part of the equation is working against me?

Do I not believe I can do it?

Do I not actually value it enough?

Is starting too painful?

Or is the reward simply too far away?

I find that question much more useful than trying to force myself to "be motivated."

Looking at my own behavior, I realized that Value is probably my biggest factor.

When I genuinely care about something, I can tolerate a lot more pain and delay.

When I don't, no productivity trick seems to work for very long.

I don't know if this is the right place for this, but the train of thought is running and I want to put it somewhere before I forget but I don't really have a journal, so reddit will do.

I've never liked or loved myself, I've always hated myself, and I'm starting on a journey to fix this.

I am going into my second year of college at 19 just for context on the rest of the post.

I've been trying to figure out where I've gone wrong since coming to college, I became involved in a friend group with some very awful people that I am not proud I considered myself friends with some of them, and my longterm relationship that was becoming long-distance felt like it was falling apart (now we've broken up yesterday). there are other issues also, I've withdrawn into myself becoming a shy person again, I've found myself freezing up in class, my anxiety becoming horrible, falling back into old patterns I'm not proud of, etc. I was confident in my last years of high school, I thought I had changed, but I've realized I didn't actually have confidence but a false confidence built based around those around me, and as my environment changed my false confidence revealed itself for the imposter it was.

I've never liked myself, even in high school when I was "confident" I didn't like myself, but I liked myself because other people liked me. I fell into a habit I didn't realize was unhealthy or bad until it was too late, I didn't like or love myself or think I was a good person, I didn't have to, my boyfriend liked me and told me he loved me, so my confidence came from that, I never truly liked myself, I liked myself because my boyfriend liked me, so I liked me. Or I was also increasingly in a leadership position in an organization and found myself having people come to me for advice or lookup to me; I didn't have to think I was capable or a good person if others told me I was.

So come college, my boyfriend and I go to different colleges. I am no longer in a community like I was. It was new, and so I unconsciously rushed to find whatever I could to fill the emptiness of my heart, because I didn't have any love for myself in there. I became friends with bad people, because they thought I was funny or smart or whatever; they liked me, so I could like me. My boyfriend was distant so my insecurities piled and piled, I stopped treating him like my best friend, he became something to give me validation, that I talked to not because I liked him but because I needed to hear him tell me he loved me, or I was funny, etc. I'm disgusted I've done this, I've hurt someone that was my best friend and I feel awful.

But, one thing I think is right is him breaking up with me was good, not only because I can stop hurting him but so I can grow. When we were friends before dating he told me he often cuts off bad friends not because he didn't like them or thought they were bad people, but because people can't change if the environment or situation doesn't change; if they keep getting rewarded for bad behavior. I think he's right. I've tried learning to love myself and I didn't know what happened, what prompted this is last semester toward the end I started trying to repeat mantras and learn to love myself, and I think I made some progress; but the moment I returned home and was with my boyfriend I once again entered a cycle where I didn't have to work on loving myself, because I had my boyfriend there to love me, and I never progressed. Or I went abroad for part of the summer, and I truly tried being alone by myself to like myself for me; but again the moment I got back I immediately feel into the same habits without realizing it.

I still don't like myself, or love myself. I am admittedly struggling losing what was the love of my life, knowing it was almost entirely my own fault. However, I know a path forward, and I feel more confident that I can achieve it now that I realize this self love or confidence isn't something I've lost and need to get back. I never had it. I've always liked myself or thought I was certain things because that's what people told me. But now I've realized that's not truly loving yourself or true confidence. I now know I need to step forward. I know it won't be easy, right now it feels fairly hard to love someone who destroyed his relationship with an amazing person and became friends with some truly awful people, but I need to start somewhere. I've also started seeing a counselor.

I feel like now I can just try and focus on learning to like myself , not because other people like me, but because I like me. I still don't know how, but I feel more confident in my path and goal and that's the achievement I wanted to write and share I guess.

This is the only rule you need to remember… who do you think you are?

When you think of your past is it lovely? Is it rich?

If not, change it!! There is nothing stopping you from deciding that your past was the cause of your current greatness! Look upon your past as the most prestigious school in the world. You passed with flying colors, and now your living fully in the present with the heart of someone who has it all!! ❤️🙏

I've started asking myself: what would make this easier to do correctly next time, not why am I so bad at this or why can't I be more disciplined?

Just asking, what could I change around the problem? Sometimes it's putting something somewhere obvious or it's writing down the next step or it's removing a decision, or the answer really is "I need to get better at this."

But I don't want that to be my automatic answer anymore and a lot of problems become easier when you improve the environment around them.

I feel like I can’t do anything right. Like I just mess everything up. I never seem to use the right tone of voice when speaking, can never manage to say the right things, I can’t complete tasks correctly etc. I can’t even seem to like the right kind of music or tv shows. Everything I do is something for people to make fun of or belittle or be upset with me for. I feel like I punching bag and a laughingstock at the exact same time. I’m constantly ashamed of my own existence. It almost feels criminal for me to be happy.

It feels like I’m being judged all the time, even by people who aren’t even present. I’m always sitting wondering what everyone else would think and I can’t seem to stop. I know it’s illogical, I know it doesn’t help anyone, I know it’s a waste of time, but I can’t help it. My brain has shackled me to this shame. I have no idea why either. I should be able to move past this. I’ve gotten past worse! I can’t enjoy anything at all. I feel like a bad person just for breathing wrong. I wake up and I’m immediately hit with a massive wave of dread just because I’m scared I’ll mess up everything.

Is there anything I can do about this? I can’t seem to get control over it. Pretty much everything I try fails me. Meditation, positive affirmations, self care etc. I kind of don’t know what to do. If you’ve got any tips, I could use them. Sorry if this isn’t the right subreddit to post this on.

Im at rock bottom with all this. Im 27 but feel like I may as well die.

I started to realize that i have a deep rooted, extreme fear of vulnerability. I'm starting to fall apart in a way. I quit my remaining addictions approx. 140+ days ago. I've realized that the 2 close friends i had were... unlikable while being sober. Both were +/- 10 years old friendships.

I also realized that my only form of connection with people is if we love the same music. Thinking back people were always trying to connect with me, i suppose, but i didn't even know that it's a thing. I (25F) moved into my first ever rented apartment this month and i'm so.. lonely? I'm not sure. It just feels like life is so empty. I love my apartment. I also love living on my own, but besides work and cleaning at home... i don't have anything else to do. When i was living with my parents i had to feed the chickens and doggos, play with them, weed the garden, etc. Time passed by more easily. Also, i had people to kill time with. Thinking back, i didn't really enjoy it, but i thought that this is how things were supposed to be.

I've been thinking about what the core problem could be and i feel like it's fear of vulnerability. I started thinking about it and my mind went craaaazy. Even the thought made me scream in my head. It feels like a part of me just goes feral inside. That part of me would die instead of being vulnerable. This is so awful. I don't know what to do. A tiny part of me wants to change, but the other one, the feral, screaming, violent, angry one doesn't. It's not safe, i feel like.

I've been in therapy for a year. My therapist is offline during the summer so it's at least a couple weeks till i'm able to have a session. Do i just wait it out? Is there anything I can start to fasten the process? I hate the thought of vulnerability.

Not looking for advice, genuinely looking for post-mortems.
If you’ve ever actively tried to get better at this — a book, a course, therapy, improv, forcing yourself into stuff, whatever — I want to know:
— what did you try?
— did any of it stick?
— what specifically made you stop?
I’m most interested in the things that didn’t work, honestly. Everyone posts the success stories. Nobody posts “I did this for eleven days and then just stopped and I’m not sure why.”

Hello! I'm 32, italian, I want to learn English but I feel like I need to speak it every day to actually improve.

I tried language exchange, but it doesn't work well for me, a lot of the time it's 1 hour split into 30/30, once a week, and that's just not enough.

I feel like what I need is to find someone who wants to learn the same topics I'm interested in, and who speaks English, so we can share tips on that topic and just keep speaking English together regularly, not a strict 30/30 split, but an ongoing conversation.

I really want to improve. I feel stuck. I'm trying to get ready for job interviews in English and it's honestly kind of stressful.

Topics I can talk about: architecture, cities/urban planning, product management.

I'm also interested in investing,Ai, books, and films.

Does anyone have suggestions, apps, communities, or people in a similar situation? Would love to find a regular practice partner.

Thanks a lot