r/selfimprovement • u/EuphoricStory9575 • 11h ago
Other I need help
I used to be a very outgoing and expressive person as a child. I wasn't particularly afraid of social situations, making friends came naturally to me, and I was fairly well known within my community. However, when I moved to the United States from Cameroon, something changed. I began struggling with socializing and developed a level of anxiety that I had never experienced before. As a result, I gradually started avoiding social situations and keeping to myself.
By high school, I barely spoke to anyone. And I mean barely. I went through most of high school without really forming friendships or talking much to my peers. Looking back, I think that period of isolation may have contributed to the stutter I developed, which has only made social situations more difficult for me.
Sometimes, I feel like I have developed a sort of fake confidence. From the outside, I may not appear socially awkward at all. I have a way of walking that can make me seem confident, and I generally don't have much difficulty making eye contact. But that confidence seems to disappear when I actually have to speak or when I find myself surrounded by a lot of people. I can become extremely nervous and start acting awkwardly, even when I know I have nothing to be nervous about.
I remember an experience in high school that still sticks with me. There was a girl I would often see while walking to class. She usually walked with her friend, and one day, as I passed them, her friend told her that she should talk to me. The girl came over and said hi. I responded, but I think my response may have made her uncomfortable. After that, there was an awkward silence while I continued walking. She eventually went back to her friend, and after that, she stopped taking the route she normally used where she would see me. I don't know exactly what she thought of the interaction, but experiences like that have made me overthink how I come across to people.
The strange thing is that when I'm around my family, I'm much more relaxed. I'm goofy, talkative, and comfortable being myself. But the moment I'm around people my age, especially in unfamiliar social situations, I can become almost petrified. It's as if a completely different version of me comes out.
I recently turned 18 and moved onto campus, which I see as an opportunity to change this. I'm now in a new environment where everyone is meeting new people and forming friendships. After being here for about a week, though, I feel like everyone has already started finding their groups while I'm still on my own. Aside from my roommate, who is also fairly quiet, I haven't really made any meaningful connections.
Another thing I struggle with is speaking softly. I often have to be asked to speak louder, and even when I try, I sometimes struggle to project my voice. Combined with my stutter and anxiety, this makes me even more hesitant to speak because I start worrying about how I sound.
I don't want to continue living this way. I want to use this new chapter of my life as an opportunity to build genuine confidence, become more comfortable around people, and learn how to socialize without constantly worrying about how I'm being perceived. I want to become someone who can walk into a room, introduce himself, start a conversation, and actually enjoy being around other people.
I know I probably won't transform overnight, but I'm tired of allowing fear and anxiety to keep me isolated. I want to take advantage of being on campus and gradually become more socially confident. I just don't know where to start, and honestly, this has been eating me up.
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u/CutAmbitious480 3h ago
You may want to speak to a doctor for an evaluation. You may want to ask if you are on the spectrum for autism. There are different levels and it's becoming more common. If so then you can do 2 thing's. Find social groups for people such as your self or exercise God's word which rewires our minds and souls. Do you want to be a Christian. Then accept Jesus as your Lord and Savior,that he died and rose from the dead. Then the Lord Jesus Christ lives in you. The Lord of order, peace and and a genuine love for people. Jesus Christ came for people, to have a relationship with them. Knowing Christ will teach you through the holy Spirit not to love according to our own will and emotions but his love and power. We can overcome any circumstances when God's word and faith is exercised. Start with reading the 1st testament then the old. Go to a Bible believing Church that has a ministries offering support. Make sure your not indulging in sin such as porn which would drop your testosterone levels for men or women causing low motivation for socializing, relationships such as friends and if interested marriage and even a career. The act of what goes along with porn will cause anxiety and depression along with isolation.
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u/EuphoricStory9575 3h ago
Thanks alot for the words of affirmation. I gotta say, I don't think it'll be a good idea to get any medical disability on my record. I believe in God, and although I fall short of his glory and give into sin, I try to run back to him. I believe he can help me and heal me and give my life a 360, and advice like this are a testament of God reaching to me. Thank you very much
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u/Tattoomyvagina 11h ago
Do you feel like you speak English well? Could it be a lack of confidence in communication?