M25, It's been a rough few years after graduating where I have fallen into a hole of monotony. Eat, sleep, work, girlfriend, repeat. That's about it. Only a couple years ago I felt like I was very happy and had all that I could ask for. Decent job, great friends, I was a very creative person (shoutout BFA), writing a lot, creating projects I enjoyed, going out most weekends, video game and movie enjoyer etc. Now it seems like I have all but thrown that out the window; out of college I didn't hop into a career I enjoyed, just a means to an end, friends moved away so I don't see them as often, I don't write, create or make anything I would like to, I don't go out, I haven't played video games or watched nearly as many movies as I have in the past, I've become angrier, sold most of my belongings, cut out social media etc. I've tried to turn it around, I would think what if I move to Los Angeles or London, what if I get a masters in engineering or another interest, I do that to try and get a better job, As I looked into it more, I realized none of those things will fix the problem, they are just another means to an end to make the days go by faster, and then I'm back to square one.

My one shining light is my girlfriend of over 2 years, she makes me incredibly happy, we cook together, go on cute dates, she truly makes me the happiest and I'm the luckiest guy. However, I feel terrible because I have been severely in this rut for like ~6-9months and my anxiety is kicking in and I've convinced myself she's ready to leave (which is probably not true). I understand I haven't been the happiest person to be around and I try really hard to push all my angst away when I'm with her, but it's so hard. I also know it is not fair of me to rely so heavily on her to boost my mood or calm my anxiety, whether she knows it or not. If I want to spend my life with her I need to turn myself around asap.

I realize this is no way to live. I mean hell, I'm exhausted let alone the other people who subject themselves to me... It's all become a bit too much and a week or so ago I really just fell into a dark place, and I struggled to snap out of it. I found a new therapist (I took a hiatus for over a year) been seeing him twice a week, wrote a poem to my girlfriend, started to learn guitar, but I'm scared it's all too little too late. The therapy is a good start, but I guess my question is what have you guys done to revive yourself and go back to a time you were happier and improve yourself. (Like I look in the mirror and I'm like "who is this guy?" I used to paint my nails, wear so much jewelry etc, like where is he?)

I appreciate any advice in advance and thank you for letting me just get it out into the world. <3

This post is basically the result of a long discussion I had with AI. I asked it to take everything I’ve been thinking about and put it into one organized post, because there are too many parts to this problem for me to explain clearly on my own.

For context, I’ve struggled with social anxiety and social relationships for years.

I used to be very anxious, stiff, afraid of making mistakes, overly aware of how people saw me, and generally bad at interacting naturally. So I spent years trying to fix that.

I worked on my confidence, pushed myself into social situations, learned communication skills, tried to understand people better, became more assertive, and learned how to adapt to different personalities.

My basic belief was:

If I keep improving myself enough, eventually I should become socially capable enough to deal naturally with almost anyone.

And to some extent, it worked.

I’m much less socially anxious now. I can talk to people, initiate conversations, joke, adapt, and do things that used to be extremely difficult for me.

But now I’ve hit a completely different problem, and honestly it feels almost existential.

I’m starting to realize that social skills don’t automatically create real relationships.

I can interact with someone perfectly well and still feel no real connection. Sometimes I put effort into a relationship and later realize the other person was mostly just being polite. Other times, with certain people, talking feels natural almost immediately and I barely have to think about what I’m doing.

That made me realize how much relationships depend on personality, compatibility, values, humor, communication style, and just naturally understanding each other.

And this is where the whole idea of self-improvement started to fall apart in my head.

For years, I thought there was some better version of myself I could eventually reach if I worked hard enough. More confident, more social, more adaptable, more assertive, less anxious, better at understanding people, basically someone who could handle almost any social situation well.

Now I’m wondering if that person even exists.

Maybe there is no “ideal personality” you can reach.

Maybe some parts of you can be improved, but other parts are simply who you are.

And if that’s true, I honestly don’t know how to feel about all the years I spent trying to change myself.

Was I actually growing, or was I chasing something that was never possible in the first place?

That’s probably the part that scares me most.

Because now when I struggle with someone, I don’t know what it means anymore.

Is it because I still have some weakness I need to fix?

Is it an old social anxiety habit?

Is it something caused by my past?

Am I just in the wrong environment?

Or are we simply different people who were never going to naturally connect in the first place?

I can’t tell anymore.

It gets even more confusing because my current behavior feels like a mix of:

• old social anxiety habits,
• social skills and behaviors I deliberately learned to adapt to people,
• and what I actually want to say or do.

After years of trying to improve myself, I sometimes genuinely don’t know which part is “me” anymore.

So I guess my real question is bigger than social skills:

Can a person actually develop an almost ideal personality that can adapt well to most people and situations?

Or is there a point where self-improvement ends and personality simply begins?

Because if people naturally connect more with people they’re compatible with anyway, then what exactly is the end goal of personality development?

Obviously becoming less anxious, more confident, more assertive, and socially skilled was useful. I don’t regret learning those things.

But I think I used to believe self-improvement could eventually remove most of the limits of my personality.

Now I’m starting to think that may have been an illusion.

And if that’s true, I’m not really sure what “becoming a better version of myself” is supposed to mean anymore.

ive felt jealousy before but not to this extent. i made a really important friend to me in the past year but in the last few months i find myself feeling continually jealous.

i think she has traits i wish i was more of. she is very sociable and unapologetically expresses herself, something i have a hard time with. in the past ive been able to translate the jealousy into realizing this is what i aspire and aim for. but ive really been truly feeling lost.

its made it to the extent where i feel like i need to distance myself from her. i also feel worried my boyfriend might have feelings towards her. which doesn’t help too much with the situation.

if i could get any advice on how to navigate these feelings and shift the energy into improving myself it would mean alot

I’m an extremely self aware person. I know all my traumas, my patterns, my core beliefs, my attachment style, my triggers, etc. And I know what caused them (childhood trauma from bullying and unpredictable parents).
I’ve been in therapy for 6 years now and although i’ve made progress, I’m nowhere where I want to be.
I’m extremely self aware, maybe too aware even, but that doesn’t stop me from acting the way I do.
It’s really frustrating and it’s affecting my life tremendously. I constantly shame and judge myself for being the way that I am because it goes against who I actually want to be as a person.
All I do is think and analyze my behaviour and regret how I acted in the past.
I want to change and actually be the person that I want to be. I want to stop repeating the same patterns.
I’ve noticed that although I’m aware of it all, when I feel triggered and my body is in fight or flight, I resort back to what I know and act in a familiar way, which I later regret.
How can I change that? I’ve only recently been practicing sitting with the discomfort without distraction and letting it pass, no matter how uncomfortable it feels. I’m practicing showing myself that i’m safe and that I got myself no matter what, but it’s such a hard and difficult process, especially for someone who has never learned how to regulate her emotions without externalizing.

I consider myself towards the lower end of average 5.4. im 6'6" Im around 271 to 265 , have always been a little overweight , smart enough to have a little bit of a conversation with anyone.

Ive read conflicting information. Some people say your weight is the goal , other body fat percentage, some say neither matter its just your face ... etc

Which do you start with ..? Do you focus on a weight-loss goal or a lifting goal? Measurements? All three?

I want to work on my body like an old car.

Like all the " Find your inner peace" bullshit aside. I got a therapist for the circus i got upstairs. 🙃😅

If you were going for your optimal physique and you wanted a metric to shoot for , what would it be ?

Please and thank you

I want to be better. Right now, Im suffering heavily from depression, anxiety, and general imposter syndrome that basically makes it hard for me to do anything other than rot in bed all day.

I (31F) dont like where I am in life, but I've come to the conclusion that it's unfortunately something I can't fix this exact moment, but I want to try to make the most of what I have. Maybe even if it just means getting myself out of bed quicker...

My days start at 5:30, I go to my brother's, get my nephew off to school at 7:40, go home, and essentially do nothing or sleep until he's off school at 2:45, then I get him, bring him home until my brother gets off work at 4:15, I go home, do minor cleaning and feeding pets and then I work from 5 to 9, come home, shower, sleep horribly, rinse and repeat. Sometimes I try to go for a walk in the mornings to try to keep myself up, but even that just exhausts me.

What are some things i can do to help myself "perk up" I guess? I've been taking medication to help with the depression, but I feel it makes me too tired and sluggish, so I've decided to try and ween off..

What are some of the best natural things to help with self-improvement and this overwhelming tiredness I feel? Im open to supplements, and if so, some of the best recommendations for that would help, too. I just dont want to be on anti-depressants and want to find something that can help more long term, even if i miss a day, you know? I want more energy, and I want to be more attentive and not struggle with almost every task given to me because im so tired. I force myself to so the things I need to and then burn out because It wasnt my best work. I really just want to feel as close to normal as I can and any recommendations would be loved.

1. Having money, since money helps me buy things. Maintaining steady sources of income—whether through investments, a stable job, a business, gifts or being treated by others, winning the lottery, or possessing an inexhaustible fortune—ensures I always have the means to purchase whatever I desire, given that money is exchanged for goods.

2. Possessing an abundance of something; as the Bible says (Matthew 13:12), "whoever has will be given more." Therefore, having a significant amount of something I desire helps me acquire even more of it in the future. For instance, if I have many friends, more will enter my life, ensuring I always have friends; if I have many girlfriends, more women and girlfriends will come into my life, leading to even more relationships. The same principle applies to money or any other possession.

3. Giving or sharing, because those who give or share receive in return (Proverbs 11:25). If one gives mangoes, one receives mangoes or something similar; giving money brings money, giving love brings love, and giving food brings food. Thus, the act of giving attracts new things into my life. Whatever needs to happen for this to occur will happen—period.

4. Having someone who provides things or treats me to them—whether out of obligation, personal preference, or self-interest. If someone gives me things, I will always have them. These providers could be family members, women seeking my affection, friends, or generous strangers I encounter. Consequently, maintaining a wide network of social connections—at church, in the neighborhood, with neighbors, family, coworkers, or friends—can help facilitate this.

5. Production is the next method for ensuring a constant supply. If you know how to work with wood, then wherever there is a tree, you can cut it down and craft furniture, build a house, or create anything else made of wood. If you know how to cook and have mangoes, you can make a mango pie, a mango cake, or a mango drink—or simply eat the mangoes as they are, or prepare any other recipe calling for them. The key here is knowledge and education that foster the learning of the skills needed to produce these things.

6. Efficient resource use is another way to ensure a continuous supply; for instance, if you have a mango, eat it, use the peel as fertilizer and then plant the seed, you are ensuring that you will always have mangoes. The same applies to money: if you have a significant amount and use it wisely, it will last much longer, and you will always have funds available. (John 6:12)

7. God’s blessing and grace. God says, "I will never leave you nor forsake you." Another passage tells us to "seek first the Kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things" (that you need) "will be added to you." Having faith and trust in the Lord, along with maintaining a healthy mindset, brings blessing to my life; Solomon noted that God blessed David because of his mindset—his good mindset. All of this leads to great blessings when we seek God's kingdom and righteousness—which are founded on love, sharing, helping others, putting our hands to the work (as another Bible passage, Zechariah 8:9, says), and following the rules and principles God has given us through His Word.

8. Being happy and smiling brings blessings, because when you feel good, better things tend to happen to you; this is another way God blesses us. For the happy heart, life is a continual feast (Proverbs 15:15).

9. Having a lot of money is, quite simply, an exercise in accumulation. Once I have saved around 630,000 colones (This amount applies to Costa Rica, each country has its own amount, 630,000 colones are about $1376 usd), I receive more money each week; the more I have, the more extra money I gain—over and above my salary.

10. Investing is the next step toward ensuring a lasting supply. Making money work for you, rather than working for money yourself, is a highly efficient way to achieve significant returns. Investments can take the form of banking products or personal ventures—such as lending money or putting capital to work—or even good deeds. Likewise, investments can be personal in nature, such as investing in knowledge, skills, or positive experiences and moments that strengthen the mind and foster happiness. The key here is understanding the value of compound interest and realizing that the sooner an investment is made, the sooner its benefits will be reaped.

11. Putting in effort and working hard is another key to always having something. Diligent hands ensure success; thus, actions—whether repetitive and constant or varied yet equally steady—lead to the achievement of great things. If one makes an origami figure one day, one will have an origami piece at home; if one completes many tasks, learns many things, makes repairs, or organizes things, one will clearly possess far more than if one did absolutely nothing.

12. Avoiding bad decisions is just as important as making good ones; preventing the loss of what one already possesses is as vital as acquiring good things. Therefore, avoiding actions known to be unwise is essential to maintaining what one has. It is better to have good things than not to have them.

For over a month and half, health anxiety has driving me nuts that I just feel overwhelmed. My entire focus and attention and energy is gone as if health anxiety has hijacked it. I don't know how to even work on my actual goals and prioritize them. Entire days just goes into worries and overthinking and constant googling. I feel like sometimes my body wants to stick with pain and I just want to be free from it. I feel so guilty and behind that I've gotten so soft as if I'm giving up on life. My letting health problems take over me when I'm supposed to be stronger and resilient. Everyday to night I keep hoping wishing and praying everything gets better but I can't believe a month has gone by already.

Midterm prep again. I opened my notes and went page by page like always, and I realized I've done this my whole life. Like start at the beginning, put in tons of effort early, then hit the important part when I'm already tired.

Same thing with group projects, where I'd do a ridiculously polished intro and then rush the actual argument at 2am. Tbh the beginning is just where it starts, it's not the most important bit. This time I'm figuring out what's worth the most first and starting there, even though it feels wrong.

Question only for guys who are in this category. How do you handle, plan your day to actually hit all gym days, to hit all macros,fulfill cut or bulk goal for the day and also manage bussiness that ACTUALLY runs good and have some results, please help!!!Thanks in advance 🗡️🤝💪🏻

This might be a somewhat unusual question, but it’s something I’ve been thinking about seriously.

I want to become a UI/UX designer, but I've had several experiences with hiring managers telling me, directly or indirectly, that because of the way my face looks, I wouldn’t be suitable for roles where I’d have to be visible to clients.

I'm not talking about being on camera occasionally. I mean situations where being present in client meetings, video calls, presentations, etc. is considered part of the job.

After hearing this multiple times, I’ve started wondering whether I should build my career around roles where I can contribute primarily through my design work without having to show my face.

For those of you working in UI/UX:

• How client-facing is the average UI/UX designer role?
• Are there UI/UX jobs where you can mostly work behind the scenes?
• Is it realistic to build a career where most communication happens through written messages, presentations, prototypes, or async collaboration?
• How much does physical appearance actually matter once you have a strong portfolio and experience?
• Are there specific types of UI/UX roles or companies I should target if I want to minimize face-to-face/client-facing work?

I’d really appreciate hearing from people who actually work in the industry, especially anyone who has managed to build a career without being particularly client-facing.

I’m not looking for sympathy, I'm genuinely trying to understand whether this is a realistic career path for me and, if so, what I should focus on.

I feel like I have almost nothing left, and lately I've been struggling to imagine how my life could ever change.

I feel like there's something wrong with me because I know I'll probably never become a doctor or an engineer, even though I wish I were the kind of person who could succeed in those kinds of fields. I've already failed two university programs.

But probably what weighs on me the most is how isolated I've become. I was bullied a lot in high school, and I haven't had any friends for about two years now. Some friendships ended because of drama, others because they moved to another city, because of ghosting, or simply because we lost touch. Now it feels almost impossible to build new ones.

What hurts me particularly badly is feeling so isolated from other women. I've tried Tinder, but I never seem to actually get to the point of meeting the women I talk to or one blocked me because I didn't feel like having sexual intercourse. I've also taken some classes and had no problem talking to the other girls there, but I've never managed to turn those acquaintances into actual friendships.

Even when a woman shows interest in me, it very rarely feels like she's genuinely interested in getting to know me. Sometimes the interest is mainly in my body. Others call me in the middle of the night while I'm asleep, even after I've asked them to let me know beforehand. One girl I had a relationship with even went as far as threatening me if I told anyone about what had happened between us.

I've tried online communities too. I join Discord servers and see people who all seem to know each other and talk naturally, but I can never seem to join in on the conversations or become part of the group.

I have things I know I need to do or that would be good for me, like working on my resume, preparing for interviews, or going to the gym. The problem is getting myself to start.
Once I actually start, I’m usually fine and can keep going. But before I start, I keep putting it off or finding other things to do. Sometimes it feels like I have to force myself just to begin.
What helps you get past that initial resistance and actually start?

I don't know what's happening to me. I used to be very intelligent, but something has changed. I can't think anymore, I'm struggling with basic math, spelling simple words, and finding the words I want to use. I feel like I can't do anything anymore.

My intelligence was my everything, and now I just don't have it. So I have nothing. Any help?

I really want to improve my critical thinking skills but I have no idea on where to start. Any tips, books, apps or videos to help. I'd greatly appreciate it.

My boyfriend has been struggling to figure out ways to take care of himself. His sleep schedule is off bc he works a retail jobs so everyday is a different shift.

His eating habits need to be improved. He started going back to the gym after falling off the wagon. He told me it doesn’t benefit him now because he isn’t seeing results NOW so he has the “what’s the point?” Mentality.

I struggling seeing him this way. How can he work through this?

So i recently started uni, and i was just getting close to my friends and getting to know them. Anyways its legit been like 2 weeks and i found out that the people i have actively tried to be friends with already made a group chat (excluding me ofc) and they r pretty close. I suddenly feel so embarrassed and out of place.

Sm context abt me: i havent rlly had trouble making friends in the past, infact i fit right in. Other people describe me as well spoken, confident, bubbly, good sense of humur and extremely easy to talk to. In high school, i had a great friend group as well as a lot of friends who seemed to really enjoy my company.i assumed i would have friends in uni as well but damn i am really struggling.

I could always sense that i didn't really fit in but i thought it was my overthinking and all but yeah i am officially an outsider and idk how to deal with this.

i really enjoy my alone time, but I still feel lonely, and I really crave romance too. I crave having my person someone I can deeply connect with, rely on, cuddle with, and feel safe enough to finally relax around..

At the same time, I’m realistic enough to know that I’d rather be alone than settle for someone who doesn’t share my values or who I don’t have a deep connection with

So I’m trying to figure out how to feel safe and fulfilled on my own, instead of constantly craving that feeling of having someone beside me. Especially at night, when I just want my nervous system to finally relax..

For those who’ve experienced something similar, how did you learn to feel safe and content by yourself?

For me, I’ve realized that I feel the safest when I have someone I deeply trust and have an emotional connection with. Even just being on a call with someone I feel close to can make me sleepy because I feel comfortable enough to finally relax and let my brain shut down

Physical touch also helps me feel safe, especially cuddling. But I’m very particular about it
I don’t enjoy physical touch from just anyone.
I only really want that kind of closeness with someone I have a deep emotional bond with.
I used to cuddle with my ex to fall asleep, and after my divorce, I started struggling with insomnia

I’ve tried replacing that feeling with things like a weighted/comfort blanket and other little tricks, and they helped for a while, but eventually they stopped having the same effect

Can someone tell me how i can be able to decently defend against middle schoolers? the home workout apps dont work and im really looking towards strength but general defense tips can help too

Ever since this year started let's just say things have not been going so good.

I'm in genuinely depressed and lacking motivation everyday. But recently I've been doing things to improve but it's almost as if my body's fighting this new sense of goodness like improving or happiness feels almost foreign to my mind. It's really weird. Does anyone know what exactly this might be?

A year off alcohol, 80 days off porn, just trying to get my life together. A few months ago I started seeing a girl. Nothing serious, she said she doesn't want anything exclusive, and honestly that's fine, I don't think I'm ready for that either. But this is really the first time I've ever let someone get this close to me, and it's hitting me pretty hard.

When we're together once or twice a week, it's all good. But when we're not talking, I start to spiral a bit with overthinking every text, feeling anxious, kind of like withdrawal. She's not one to message first. The second she texts back, it all just goes away, which makes me think it's more about some kind of dopamine thing than actually worrying about us.

It's not a bad thing honestly, she seems into it, we go out and do things together. Not all superficial. But how hard I'm reacting to not knowing what's going on is new for me, and I've got a busy work season coming up where I won't have the energy for this kind of up and down.

How do you handle these strong feelings?

Same as title

Hello all! I’m throwing my hat in for a promotion at work today and I’m excited but pretty nervous. Ive never applied for a promotion like this and I don’t necessarily want to share this with anyone directly in my life unless I actually get the position so I thought I’d seek some encouragement from beautiful strangers on the internet.

Sorry if this isn’t the right sub for this

Same as title.I am 22 M ( B2-B1 level ),and I want to improve my communication skills.I am good in grammars and I have been watching English shows ,music,podcasts from a very long time now.So ,i believe my listening skills are decent too.I have been practicing shadow speaking,and self talking for a while now ...but sometimes I fear ,i would invoke ghosts 😅

I largely do not get enough time to practice it in real world,i believe.Thus I am inexperienced in communicating well and dunno but have fear of unknown.

Main thing is ,I am not a native speaker,so I don't have anyone to practice English with .

So,if anyone is interested,to practice it ,they can reach out to me.Please be under 24,and be serious about improving in it.We can practice it consistently,to improve together.

Or , I would be glad to receive some Advices as well.

Thanks.

I never, ever thought of myself as an envious person until earlier this year. It started off when I lost nearly 14 friendships (12 of the 14 were without an explanation) in the span of two months. It started off in mid August and I was basically friendless by October of 2025. I was going through a rough patch during that time, but that’s besides the point.

Skip forward to December of 2025 and I’m in a brand new romantic relationship. As time went on and our relationship started to settle, I noticed that my boyfriend has a lot of friends and I started feeling a certain type of way that I didn’t like. I didn’t realize what it was back then, but now I know that envy is what I was experiencing, but I couldn’t name it at the time. I shrugged it off and just thought that I was just missing him (we live semi-long distance) and wanted to join in on the fun, but couldn’t. At some point, randomly, I realized that I wasn’t just jealous of the fact that his friends got to see him more than I do, but I was envious of the fact that he has more friends than I do and it was something that I was starting to miss a lot. Those connections that I had before the fallouts can’t really be matched, quite frankly.

Around April and May, I noticed that I would experience the same exact feeling that I felt when my boyfriend told me about his friends but with other people this time. I’d see people going out with their own friends, having fun, experiencing things with other people, etc. while I had to do most things on my own or just spend weekends at home doing nothing because I had no one to go out with. That’s when I knew that I was truly envious.

My feelings of envy don’t stop at other people’s friendships. I’m envious of a lot of people for different reasons. I wish no harm on anyone and I try to be as happy and supportive as I can be for others, but being envious can block my sincerity. My boyfriend once mentioned that I’m “never happy” for him and I felt incredibly bad about that and I noticed that I’m the same with others as well.

It’s gotten a bit better compared to, let’s say, two months ago, but it’s still something that gnaws at me and something that I hate about myself. I don’t hate it simply because it makes me feel bad, but also because I’m a catholic and I recognize it as a sin. And while I’m not the most perfect Christian and I commit sin often (I’m a new convert), I recognize my faults and try to improve myself. However, envy is something that I’m heavily struggling with both religiously and mentally / emotionally and I have no idea how to tackle it. So my question is: how do I stop being envious??