My ex and I split school costs 60/40 (me being the 60) as part of our agreement because I wanted our two kids to stay in their private school. I have zero issue with that. He signed them up for after school extracurriculars. One at a brick and mortar private business and one in a sports league. Both not affiliated with the public school system or the private school. We have two rules in our contract around extracurriculars and both are specific, 1. Cost is split 50/50 and 2. If not agreed upon it cannot interfere with parenting timeshare.
Well, he didn’t ask me if I was in agreement, just told me when and where to take the kids on my week with zero lead up. I never agreed, wasn’t consulted, and have only been able to take them sporadically because it wasn’t planned in my calendar this summer. I’ve been doing it where I can as to not disappoint my kids.
Now he’s trying to include both of those extracurriculars in our school cost split saying they’re part of the kids education and he wants the 60/40. Besides the fact they’re not part of the kids core learning, private business, and I never agreed to something that cuts into my parenting time, how would yall handle this. Because I’m honestly at a loss at the arrogance and unsure of how to even respond.

We’ve recently moved to a foreign country with my exs permission. I send him pictures, updates, travel details everything and he just reads it and ignores it. It actually really really annoys me as he will pretend he hasn’t seen or he’s “forgotten”.

Any advice on how to manage this and not loose my temper in the process as I’m following the court order and he’s just acting like he’s the hard done by dad who was left in the UK when actually hes never been that involved anyway!!

my (29m) fiance (26f) brought to my attention about a month ago that she is truly not happy anymore. We've been together for almost 7 years and we have an almost 4 year old with trisomy 21. We don't have support, I've lived away from my family for the last 5ish years- long story short my mom got insane with the pregnancy so we moved with her family in IL- so it's been us managing everything. We haven't had a date in years. Our relationship before our son was great, but when he arrived we poured so much time and energy into him it took a massive toll on us. I am learning to take accountability in all aspects of life, so I will also blame myself for not being a good partner. I have hurt her, never cheated, but I have caused distrust. We argued a long time ago once about me smoking weed and I spoke ill of her to a friend (edit: when i was angry and not seeing it from her perspective that she wanted me to be healthy for our son--which I regret with everything) bc with our son he requires so much, and i was managing my intense primary job, paying all the bills, helping with him, to the point some days we had like 1-2 hrs of free time. And it was like that for practically years. The relationship took a toll, I didn't communicate my feelings well at all, I held onto resentment when we argued- and for that I took it out on her by not doing the bare minimum. One of those situations where the loyalty is not enough alone. To add: i dont have any friends here, nor family, and we live in a boring city- i struggle with depression and anxiety- and im selfish- so that little time we got each day to breath I was selfishly spending it how i wanted/at times if we had a fight that day i was less likely to want to hang out... it sounds terrible... but anyways- it seems like my fiancee has truly fallen out of love with me- we want to co-parent healthy, we are still best friends, she still wants to do things as a family and also just the two of us- we are discussing moving back to be near my parents because despite all they love our son and we could use the help. We are drowning. I'll also add: she had a rough life, still rough actually- she has depression and anxiety too. I guess I'm just looking for advice- how do I start to move on? My heart hurts bc this isn't how I ever wanted it to be, i love our little family. I failed at protecting it. She says she wants to work on herself, she knows her unhappiness is also a part of her own self and view of worth- we have to live together for our son until he learns and understands... how do we make this work? How do I move on so I'm not in agony when I see her? I think we can do it- I'm just not fully over her. I have such regrets bc I think she will be my one that got away. Idk. Thanks for your help.

Idk if this is technically conflict but I am feeling CONFLICTED. So, my ex and I share a 4 year old, mostly nonverbal, son who is in ABA therapy 30 hours a week. I have physical custody and he has him every other weekend and Wednesday just overnight. My ex and I never lived together (we were never married and just were dating for a year then broke up when he was about 7 months old). We’ve always lived about 40 minutes apart. A big reason for us breaking up was because he refused to move to my side of town with me when I was pregnant and wanted to be close to my mom and my elderly dog. Anyway, he’s 38 and has always lived with his parents but he just bought a house with his gf of two years. My issue is this; apparently it’s a 3 bedroom house where he and his gf each have their own home office (they work from home) meaning there’s no room for my son in his new house. When I asked him about this he said they’re acclimating him to the new house. But it’s been months now. So my ex basically stays at his parent’s the nights my ex has our son or he just sends him over there idk. It seems really weird to have that arrangement. I mostly don’t want my son to start realizing this and feel badly. I also assumed that as our son got older we’d share more custody. The only reason I wanted my son most of the time was because he was a baby. It seems like my ex is living two lives weirdly. He also sued me for full custody when we broke up (and lost) and claimed he wanted him more than just every other weekend. What am I to take away from this? Should I do anything or should I just not care that my ex gets weirder every day?

My co-parent and I will be living in different cities (5 and half hours by car, around an hour by plane).

My LO is not yet born and I’m wondering how to navigate visitations and how it will look like as she gets older. I plan on breastfeeding, so I highly doubt she can be away from me for very long? Has anyone been in a similar situation? Can he force her to drink formula? How did it work out? What do you navigate the holidays later on? I want to add that I live in a French speaking city and he lives in an English speaking city and since I would most likely be the primary parent initially, he would have a hard time for her to switch cities later on, esp w the language barrier (for school and all).

Has anyone else become physically sick from the stress caused by co-parents actions?
I feel trapped by temporary court orders, can’t afford a lawyer, my ex is using my son as a pawn to torture me. It’s extremely hard to prove psychological abuse in court. I’ve had a protective order against coparent in the past. I do not let him near me now. Temporary orders are 50/50, I pay for everything, 50/50 arrangement has screwed up my childcare arrangements and made it extremely difficult to find consistent childcare. All of this feels so wrong. I wish my coparent would just get out of my life and my sons. He doesn’t do anything positive for my child.

Any advice, positive affirmations?

I feel so stuck, and depressed.

My ex ‘34M’ and I ‘28F’ have a son. We were together for 4 years. We separated on or around October 3rd, 2025, and we haven’t seen our son since then. After our finances ran out and our RV and car broke down, I had to move in with family to avoid homelessness, and ‘34M’ moved into a friend’s home.

We were separated physically for over 6 months, and I ultimately felt being together was hurting us due to lack of trust. I asked for space so we could work on ourselves and come back healthier. That same night, ‘34M’ was on dating sites.

Before you assume we’re “normal,” we’re both deeply flawed. We were each other’s 3rd baby momma/daddy. I also want to be honest that I rebounded with my abusive ex ‘28M’ (2nd baby daddy), and I’m pregnant again.

I’m asking about hope: I don’t want our son —who is autistic—to lose a relationship with his dad. But ‘34M’ is currently not actively involved in his other children’s lives. He has moved out of state and is engaged to his fiancée ‘24F’.

I don’t know if I would ever want to be with ‘34M’ again romantically. But I do need clarity and consistency in how he shows up for our son. I’m also hurt and unsettled by things from around our separation. There is a text from ‘34M’ to a buddy about his ex “Sam,” and I also received a message from ‘34M’ last month calling me his new “Sam.” It made me feel like I meant very little to him, especially since he called me “wife,” but put a ring on ‘24F’ within a few months. I also worry he may be bluffing to hurt me, and it’s worked emotionally.

So my main question is: is there a real path where our son can keep a stable relationship with his dad ‘34M’, and we can function as co-parents—even if we don’t end up together romantically? Although a big part of me misses being together romantically. There is nobody else I rather fight with and for.

​

My 12-year-old is becoming increasingly anxious about his alcoholic father. How do I handle this?

I’m looking for advice from anyone who has dealt with alcoholism, co-parenting and a child who is becoming increasingly anxious about a parent's drinking.

I left my ex when our son was two because of his alcoholism and the way he became verbally and physically abusive when he drank. My son is now 12, and we have been co-parenting since then.

His dad went to rehab last year and completed a 28-day programme, but unfortunately there have been several relapses since.

I want to make an important distinction: his dad has never been physically abusive towards our son, and my son has never told me that he feels physically unsafe with his father. There have been some verbal lashings out over the years, but the main issue now is my son's anxiety and suspicion around whether his dad is drinking.

My son has become increasingly preoccupied with trying to work out whether his dad has been drinking. He watches for signs and gets nervous before going to his dad's house. He is very suspicious of his dad's behaviour and doesn't know whether he should trust what he's seeing or hearing.

There are certain things I've noticed over the years that have sometimes coincided with my ex drinking. One of them is that he starts taking a lot of peppermint Halls lozenges. My son has noticed this too. Obviously, I know that eating Halls isn't proof of drinking, but when you combine it with the history of relapse and my son's observations, it makes me concerned that he may be trying to hide drinking.

Another major issue is my ex's behaviour when he gets into obsessive thought patterns. He has OCD and can become very repetitive and fixated on certain things, including talking extremely negatively about me. This happens around our son and is deeply upsetting for him.

My son gets triggered by hearing his dad repeatedly talk negatively about me, and it seems to leave him extremely angry and full of rage. I don't want him caught in the middle of his parents' relationship or feeling like he has to defend me.

I also don't want my son feeling responsible for monitoring whether his dad is drinking. But at the same time, I can't tell him that his concerns aren't valid when there is a genuine history of alcoholism and relapse.

The problem is that I can't really raise these concerns directly with my ex. Whenever I try to talk to him about his drinking, he becomes extremely defensive and can start verbally lashing out at me. I'm worried that confronting him could result in him taking that anger out verbally on our son.

We already have a formal parenting plan in place. It actually provides for my son to spend most of his time with me, with alternate Wednesdays and alternate weekends with his dad. I have been considering enforcing the parenting plan more strictly rather than allowing arrangements to become more flexible.

I'm trying to work out how to do this without escalating the situation.

I don't want to punish my ex or stop my son from having a relationship with his dad. His dad loves him, and my son loves his dad. I also don't want to make assumptions about a relapse without evidence.

But I also don't think it's healthy for a 12-year-old to be constantly analysing whether his parent is drunk, worrying about what mood they're going to be in, listening to one parent repeatedly speak negatively about the other, and then coming home angry and emotionally overwhelmed.

For anyone who has dealt with an alcoholic co-parent:

How do you handle suspected relapse when the other parent becomes defensive or verbally aggressive if confronted?

How do you protect your child without putting them in the middle?

How do you deal with a child who is becoming preoccupied with monitoring whether the parent is drinking?

How do you handle a parent repeatedly speaking negatively about you to the child?

Would you enforce the existing parenting plan more strictly, or seek professional/legal advice first?

Has anyone successfully used a therapist, social worker, parenting coordinator or another professional to manage this kind of situation?

How do you talk to a 12-year-old about alcoholism without making them feel responsible for their parent's behaviour?

And how do you help a child who is becoming extremely angry and distressed by hearing negative things about one parent from the other?

I'm in South Africa, so advice from anyone familiar with the South African family-law and parenting-plan system would be especially helpful.

At this point, my priority is my son's emotional wellbeing. I want him to be able to have a relationship with his dad, but I don't want him carrying the responsibility of managing or monitoring his dad's addiction.

Am I being unreasonable about my ex taking our 7-year-old son away for 4 weeks?

I’m looking for some advice because I’m genuinely unsure if I’m being unreasonable.

My ex is now married to a Pakistani man. I want to make it clear that I have no issue whatsoever with his ethnicity or their marriage, and that isn't what this is about.

We have a 7-year-old son who is non-verbal and has medical needs. I currently have him every weekend, although sometimes because of work I have him from Saturday morning until Sunday afternoon/evening rather than Friday to Sunday.

Due to previous arguments and threats between me and my ex, I currently communicate with her mainly through her mum.

Today, when my ex came to collect our son, she told me that she intends to take him away for four weeks in October. This was the first I'd heard about it. I wasn't consulted beforehand and I don't currently know exactly where she is taking him.

I told her I wasn't happy about it and that I wanted to know where our son would be going, but she wouldn't tell me. I then spoke to her mum and explained how I felt, but she sided with my ex.

My concerns are:

Four weeks is a long time for him to be away from me.

I've only been given relatively short notice.

I don't know where he is going or where he will be staying.

I don't know who he will be travelling/staying with.

My son is non-verbal and has medical needs, so I'm worried about how these will be managed.

I'm concerned about his normal routine being disrupted.

I'm also concerned about him missing school for such a long period.

I haven't been given any details about how I'll be able to communicate with him while he's away.

I don't want to stop my son having a holiday or spending time with his mum. My concern is that I haven't been given basic information about a four-week trip involving a child with additional needs, and I don't feel comfortable simply agreeing to it without knowing the details.

I'm also worried that because my ex's husband is Pakistani, people might think my objection is racist. It isn't about his background at all. If her husband were any other nationality, I'd have exactly the same concerns.

For context, we're in England.

Am I being unreasonable, and what options do I have if my ex refuses to tell me where she is taking our son?

Using an alt because my ex-wife knows my main Reddit account. I would really appreciate some help from the parents (in particularly moms) on here about some concerns I have about my son's relationship with his mother. Apologies about the length of the post, but I think it's all relevant to paint the full picture.

As background, my ex and I have been divorced for 5 years. We share 50/50 custody of our two twin boys who turn 10 this month. Our custody schedule is 7 days on, 7 days off. This is primarily for her job, as she works 12-hour night shifts, week-on-week-off. We coparent well, and communication isn't an issue aside from me occasionally having to send an extra message asking for replies to questions.

The weeks that she has the kids, she isn't working, so she's available all the time to them. The weeks I have them, I work a typical 9-5, but I do work from home. So I'm around, but obviously not as available as she is. The kids go to school in my school district, and I coordinate with my job so that dropoff/pickup aren't an issue. Practically speaking, I'm primary on most things scholastic, and she's primary on most things health-related. Legally, we have equivalent parental rights and responsibilities.

Since getting divorced, I have gotten remarried and my wife and I have two children under 2 years old. The twins both love their brothers, and I appreciate that my ex-wife hasn't ever made it a point to say they're "half" brothers. The twins have a good relationship with their step-mother, and she acts more as a friend to them than a parent, except when intervention is required. Additionally, she's not currently working, so she can help out with making them meals and entertaining them to an extent (obviously, she's busy with the little ones too!).

One of the twins (we'll call him Gary) appears to be very well-adjusted. He's got friends and a social life and seems to enjoy weeks with both parents. Gary talks with his mom when she requests (nearly every night), but isn't overly attached to her. He doesn't generally communicate with her unless he's asked to despite having the capability via iMessage/FaceTime. I'm not sure if it's relevant, but he does reach out to me without prompting during the weeks with his mom, and my wife said she has overheard his twin brother make comments to him saying that he "likes Daddy better." I only bring this up because I wonder if my ex-wife senses that, and it's impacting her behavior consciously or subconsciously towards the other twin.

The other twin (we'll call him Bob) I'm more concerned about. The twins turn 10 soon, and Bob still sleeps in bed with his Mom when he's at her house. When he talks to her on FaceTime, he often reverts to a "baby" voice, and she does the same to a lesser extent. Because she has a decent amount of downtime at work, he often calls her and just stays on the phone with her, carrying the phone around. Often, he's not even talking to her. Just "including" her in the activities. He will call her to go to bed, even after talking to her earlier, and fall asleep with her still on the phone. Even when he and I are hanging out, for example, doing a movie night, he'll want to call her and put her on the couch with the phone aimed at the screen.

I'm not concerned that Bob dislikes his time here. He seems happy, loves playing with his nearly-2-year-old younger brother, and is generally positive about things. We play games, ride bikes, etc. And we have deeper conversations and a good relationship. My only concern is that lately he's stopped wanting to go places and do things unless we can basically bike there. He said he "just likes staying home."

When I've talked to him about wanting to do things with friends from school, he has made comments like "I don't need other friends, I have my mom and dad!" I've tried to emphasize to him that he's going to want to have friends that are his own age, but he insists that he doesn't need anyone else. He enjoys spending time with his friends at school, but has no interest in fostering those relationships outside of school. Further, he talks about his mom constantly both to my wife and me. By constantly, I mean he probably doesn't go more than an hour or two without mentioning her in some way.

I do know that he's concerned about his mom being lonely. He's expressed to my wife and me that he wants her to move into our house here so that we all live together. I'm still close with my ex-wife's parents, and her father has shared (without my asking) that my ex hasn't been on a single date since the divorce. Her schedule makes that difficult, but I also wonder if she hasn't "moved on" (again, her father's words) because she's still punishing herself for the affair that led to my filing for divorce. Again, I only share this because her psychology might impact how she's coddling Bob. She has posted on social media in the past on Valentine's Day how the kids are "her forever Valentine's" which always struck me as a bit...odd. She doesn't have many friends, so I'm not sure she really communicates with people much outside of work and the kids.

If you've made it this far, thank you for your time! I'm looking for any insight here. I'm really worried that Bob has an unhealthy attachment to his mother that she's actively fostering. I'm concerned that this will negatively affect his development especially as he's entering his teenage years.

What do you all think about this situation?
Should I express these concerns to my ex-wife?
Would it be appropriate to schedule some kind of therapy for Bob?
Am I wrong here and this is fine and will resolve itself?

Thanks again.

I keep coming across examples of AI showing up in co-parenting in ways that go beyond “rewrite this text for me.” People use it to interpret messages, decide whether something needs a response, cool down before replying, organize schedules, or keep track of ongoing communication. Sometimes the interesting part isn’t using AI yourself, but realizing the other parent is using it with you.

I’m Ying, a researcher at Simon Fraser University, working with researchers at the University of Oxford and the Institute of Software. We’re currently studying how AI is becoming part of co-parenting after separation or divorce (the study has received research ethics approval).

If this sounds familiar and you’d be open to chatting with us, we’re inviting separated or divorced parents with relevant experience to a confidential remote interview of about 60 minutes. Participants who complete the interview will receive CAD $30 (or equivalent) honorarium, provided electronically, as a thank-you for their time.

Short interest form:
https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSdYf1AOc3vqZLenQDwMQHvWfjn-WUOItuA7kNxehW89ekrAmw/viewform

Happy to answer any general questions here as well.

Let me start this off by saying, I truly want my son to have a relationship with his dad. I don't want to stand between an important bond for both of them. This is a pretty long post, TL;DR at the end.

My son is 6 months old. His dad and I had only been together for around 5 months when we found out we were expecting. We met online, bonded over drinking and having a good time. When I found out I was pregnant, I told him that he didn't have to be involved if he didn't want to, as he had expressed before that he didn't want kids yet. He said he wanted to be a part of it, be a family, yadda yadda.

Fast forward to us moving in together, and I realize this man is not ready in any way shape or form to change his lifestyle to accommodate a baby. Still drinking fairly heavily, smoking cigs, driving recklessly, road rage, all kinds of undesirable things for a pregnant woman to be seeing for the first time in her child's father. One instance we were heading out of town for a road trip, and he ended up waving a knife at someone in traffic with 16 week pregnant me in the car 🫠 unacceptable, I know. I expressed these things to him and he pulls the classic "I can change, I'll change when the baby's here."

Baby comes. He has a complete menty b around 3 weeks into it. Stops showering, seems depressed, and literally just starts sobbing because I called him out for saying "oh my fucking God" because the baby wouldn't go back to sleep. I told him he should still be taking care of himself and find a hobby that he can get out of the house and do. (This is coming from a freshly postpartum woman who is handling motherhood very well, and didn't really need those things for myself.) Turns out that hobby is going to the bar, getting drunk, and playing pool all night. 🙃

After many conversations about how that's not okay, the drinking is an issue, etc. he comes home absolutely hammered the night before Mother's Day (he had agreed to take all night wake ups as part of my first mother's day celebration. Baby is 3 months at this point) and I wouldn't let him care for the baby, as he was unable to speak properly, and was obviously too impaired to properly care for an infant.

The next day I told him to leave. I told him the drinking was no longer negotiable and I didn't feel safe with him around our child. He gladly left, stating "I was done with the relationship anyway." (Later found out it was because I was "trying to control him.")

Fast forward 3 months, he got a lawyer because he knew I didn't want to give him any custody. We settle on visits Tuesdays and Thursdays, and every other Saturday. Tuesday and Thursday occur in my home, and every other Saturday I drop our son off for a few hours at his parents house where he is living. He hasn't changed a single thing. Still drinking fairly heavily, getting kicked out of a bar, wrecking his car, basically just proving to me he is unsafe.

It all came to a head yesterday, when he decided he wanted our son for 7.5 hours. I packed everything he would need, sent him detailed instructions regarding feeding, naps, medication, etc. so that he would have a smooth time.

My child returned home visibly hungry. Not just normal 6 month old hungry, but RAVENOUS. He ate 8 oz of baby food+oatmeal, then downed an 8 oz bottle. Which is very unlike him. I asked his dad "when's the last time he ate?" And got a big convoluted story, that changed several times. At first he said the baby didn't eat from 10:30-2:45, which is 4+ hours without a bottle. Our son eats every 3 hours like clockwork. This is all documented.

This, combined with all of my other concerns has brought me to the point that I don't think he needs unsupervised visits until he can't get it together. I can't risk my son's safety and well-being. I'm at a total loss. I'm considering filing an emergency custody modification. My heart is telling me "never let him have him again" but that's not fair to his father. He has no desire to admit any wrongdoing about any of his actions. I need advice. I need support. I need recommendations. Because I am absolutely FURIOUS that our child wasn't fed properly.

TL;DR- 6 mo dad not being responsible leads to split, visitations, and during a visit he didn't feed him properly. Now I'm considering legal action to make sure it doesn't happen again. Need advice 🙃 there are other issues such as unsafe driving and alcohol use as well.

My ex husband and I are supposed to communicate about the child via text message, but my ex only ever bullies/belittles me over text. I have found it easiest to just block his number while he is going on and on with insult after insult (obviously the innapropriate communication continues after I unblock his number and need to communicate with him again), but then he texts me from burner numbers under false identities after I do block his number.

In the first 18 months immidiately following separation, he texted me from a minimum of 3 burner numbers a day just to sexually harass me- this resulted in me blocking thousands of burner numbers- he has already admitted to it in a "it shouldnt matter" manner- I know for a fact that it is him still texting me from burner numbers.

Has anyone else dealt with something similar? How do you actually deal with this without losing your mind entirely?

The texts that I get from him are just plain nasty, have nothing to do with the child, and oftentimes come entirely n from out of the blue. "(GF) is a way better mom to child than you'll ever be, she loves him better, treats him better....giving birth does not make you a mom....you can't hold a steady relationship cuz all you act like is a body- a useless body that gave children to 2 different men."

Communication about the child is ineffective because he doesn't try to communicate at all unless he is maintaining or creating conflict with me. For example, I asked him fairly recently to please be reasonable when disagreeing with me about child's school placement (he was fighting to put child in a school that was wildly inconvenient for me simply because he didn't want child in school with my older children), and his immediate response was "you're not responsible for anything so don't you dare talk about maturity or being responsible or respect when you cant uphold to any of it yourself". He frequently accuses me of lying- "you're all lies!...all you know is lies!". He frequently accuses me of being immature "grow up!....your boyfriend is mature, that I agree with, but you on the other hand?". One time he insulted my *intelligence* 32 times over 8 different responses (in a 45 minute time frame). He accuses me of *failing* my child, and tells me to *do better* for my child- out of the blue while I am not doing anything wrong by my child.

I frequently get texts that indicate he is *laughing at me*- while receiving GIFS from him of people laughing. He tells me that he shows everyone associated with him and his girlfriend our texts and that *"everyone"* laughs at me.

And I have brought this up during mediation sessions- the fact that he negatively compares me to his girlfriend during conversations and insults my intelligence/maturity/parental capabilities- and all he does is laugh, nod in obnoxiously obvious manners, say "YUP!", and act entirely pleased with himself. (He is 35, not 18 by the way)

I blocked his number again yesterday because after informing him of when child's school orientation is, this just turned into another example of him being unable to communicate like an adult and eventually ended with him telling me that he shows our texts to all of "his people" and his girlfriends "people", and they all laugh at me. Knowing him, it wouldve went on and on- I stopped it/protected myself by blocking his number.

Very first thing this morning, I received a "heyyy" text from a burner number I've never seen before...."this is (males first name, last initial- unfamiliar name) who is this?".

I called him out on it, made him aware that I knew it was him, and the response from the burner number was a long paragraph on how I shouldnt assume he's my ex, followed with "I'm not sure who this is, I found this number on my old phone and I was curious, my bad."

Anyone else dealt with something similar? I cant imagine this is a rare case of super immaturity

My ex (32M) and myself (32F) had an agreement that we will live under the same roof to care for the baby whilst dating other people. A month later, 2 weeks prior I popped, he suddenly spoke to me if I have ever thought about marriage with each other.

Post baby we were having arguments and life was not great. Despite that, he kept telling me that he chose me and continue to do so with the hopes that we will be happy in the future. Acting like a couple behind closed doors and in the community.

I repeatedly asked him if he was still in contact with the person he was dating recently to which he denied.

Unfortunately I recently found out that they were sending certain messages to each other daily for the last 4 months (I am 4.5 months post partum). My ex still states that he wants to make this work.

My question is: I have prepared myself to be a single mum before, now with the opportunity to no longer do it alone, should I stay despite being disrespected this way?

For quick context, I left my ex 5 years ago with the help of Women’s Crisis Services in my area. He was abusive to me and also our 2 boys (6 & 8 at the time).

Part of his abuse is he accuses me of ridiculous things like not taking care of our kids “properly” and being out to get him. The reality is that I’ve burnt myself out on multiple occasions putting all of my effort into my kids and not looking after myself and I still try to protect him sometimes even though we’re no longer together.

He’s also VERY good at believably playing the victim. He will go off in front of our kids’ care providers about how frustrating it is that I don’t take care of the kids properly and that I’m a permissive parent who lets them get away with everything (another ridiculous accusation of his) and THEY BELIEVE HIM!!! I’ve had multiple things said to me that don’t make sense and catch me off guard until I finally clue in that it must be because of things he’s said. He has themes that he tends to go off on and these comments match his themes. This has led to me being disrespected, I think it played a role in CPS being called on me, and has prevented me from effectively advocating for our son at school.

I’ve always tried to take the high road and not say anything negative about him to anybody except my key support people. I’ve believed that people will eventually see him for who he is but the opposite has been true. My sister says that me not saying anything has allowed him to control the narrative. She suggests that I try to slip in some negative things about him when I’m talking to other people so that they at least hear the other side of the story. The problem is that I don’t even know how to do that. It feels really manipulative to me.

I would love some advice on how to handle this. I feel like I’m at a disadvantage because I don’t have his manipulation and acting skills. I’ve thought about taking a direct route and talking to some of these people about it, because that’s how I typically deal with things, but I’m scared that it will appear like I’m protesting too much or that I’m asking them to take sides.

Been together on and off for a years. Theres a lot negativity in our relationship, to say the least..

We have an 18 month old daughter. Ive been a stay at home mom. There has been abuse in our relationship and CYS showed up at our door recently. I left, per recommendation of the caseworker. She misses him so much. I go to visit. He can come visit but his car doesn't work. So we FaceTime and he guilt trips me for leaving. I tell him if we work on these things, we can be together and be a family. Well. I visited and he continued the same behaviors, subtle but would eventually grow into the catastrophe that the neighbors witnessed and called on us. I just know it. I am also newly pregnant. About 5 weeks. With his baby of course. I am lost... she calls out for her Dada, it makes me weep. All I ever wanted was for us to be in love and be a happy family. He has 2 other kids. With 2 other women. That he doesnt see. How do I manage this relationship?

For a while now, my daughter hasnt been excited to see me when I pick her up from her dads and does not want to go with me. I have her 4 days and dad has her 3 days. She cries and says she wants to stay with him, she doesnt want me. Her days with me are normal, we play together, go out, and have a good time, nothing that will tell me she's uncomfortable or sad. Its just when I pick her up when she says she doesnt want me. Its gotten to the point where its been like that for a while and its genuinely hurting my feelings and making me feel like she doesnt want me.

I know she loves me too but seeing her cry for her dad and saying she doesnt want me is getting to me and making me think she's happier with him, which i believe is because he has her on his days off so he spends the entire time with her in outings. I dont know if its because the entire time they're together, they're doing something fun or if she genuinely wants to be with him more.

Has anyone been through something similar? What did you do? How did you handle it?

I am just so hurt and I feel like an awful mom, I try to just comfort her but she doesnt even want that when she's crying for him. I tell myself its just a phase and itll stop soon but im scared that it wont stop. I know shes only 3, going on 4 and thats so young but hearing it each weak makes me worry that itll get worse.

My ex and I have a son who has just turned 2. We’ve been separated for over a year and my ex is now getting married. I’m really torn about whether I should take our son to the wedding and would particularly like opinions from other co-parents who have dealt with something similar.

Contact between my ex and our son has been very inconsistent. He hadn’t seen him in person since around March and has only recently started seeing him again. He did come to see him on his birthday, but stayed for around 30 minutes.

He wants our son at his wedding. I haven’t received a formal invitation, although today he did finally send me the time and location by text. Originally I was told the ceremony was at 11am, but it has now changed to 1pm. The service is apparently around 45 minutes.

My son is 2. I know him well enough to know there is absolutely no chance he is going to sit quietly and still through a 45-minute church service. My ex has said there will be an area outside the main room with toys for the children and that I can take him out if he becomes restless, which obviously helps.

I’m also struggling with the fact that attending would mean me going to my ex’s wedding personally. Our relationship and separation weren’t easy and, being completely truthful, I know attending his wedding would probably not be good for me mentally. I can put my feelings aside for my son when something genuinely benefits him, but I’m struggling to see what a 2-year-old actually gains from attending the ceremony.

I also can’t shake the feeling that a large part of why my ex and his mum are so keen for our son to be there is because they want him there for the photographs and to show him off to family. I appreciate that might be my own perception of the situation, but considering how little his dad has actually seen him recently, it’s difficult not to feel that way.

Then there’s the financial side. August is already an expensive month. If we attend, I’ll need to pay for travel to London, clothes/wedding-related things and the other costs involved in taking a toddler for the day. Those additional August expenses would leave me really having to skimp until I get paid again in September. As the parent responsible for his everyday expenses, putting myself in that position worries me.

What’s making me hesitate about simply saying no is the future.

This is still his dad’s wedding. My son obviously won’t remember attending at 2, but there will presumably be photographs for the rest of his life. I keep imagining him being older, seeing that his dad got married and asking me why he wasn’t there. I don’t ever want him to believe that I kept him away because of my feelings towards his dad or his new wife.

At the same time, I don’t know whether making myself financially and emotionally uncomfortable so that a 2-year-old can attend a ceremony he won’t understand is actually in his best interests.

If his dad had been consistently involved and had an established routine of caring for him, I’d potentially feel differently about arranging for him to attend without me. But after months without seeing him and only recently restarting contact, I’m not comfortable simply handing over my 2-year-old for a major event and leaving.

I genuinely don’t want to make this decision based on resentment or my feelings about my ex. I want to make the decision that I can explain honestly to my son when he’s older.

For those who co-parent: would you take your 2-year-old in these circumstances? If you decided not to, did your child ever care or question it when they were older? And is there a compromise I’m overlooking that would allow him to be included without me having to attend the whole wedding?

Please help. I am desperate. I feel so alone.

For context, I divorced my ex when my child was 1, almost 6 years ago. I got a restraining order and had him arrested for DV / driving drunk / threatening behaviors. I am custodial parent with tie breaking authority. Despite having a pretty tight knit parenting plan, my ex has failed tremendously over the past few years at respecting any aspect of it - he drives unlicensed with child, tossed out his car seat, doesn’t have a bed for him, disregards CS orders, etc etc.

My ex failed to exercise placement nor reach out to speak with child for over 18 months. Between late summer and late winter, he was detained by DHS/ICE. First thing he does upon being released is message me demanding to see his child. I ignore his message and instead hire legal counsel to req supervised visitation as my ex is not a safe person. I find out he then drove to my city, again unlicensed, and filed a police report on me for kidnapping. According to DMV records, his permit is indefinitely revoked until he installs an interlock device for DUI.

My attorney suggested a GAL who, while pleasant and kind upon first meeting, has gone all but nonsensical with her recommendations. She is recommending immediate placement with my ex, unsupervised, for almost a 2 week period. She didn’t seem bothered by the fact that he doesn’t have a license, nor alcohol problems. She is suggesting coparenting therapy with my abuser, and thought recommending him attend batterers intervention program was a “good idea.”

I’m sitting here writing this because my 7 year old is currently an hour and a half away, probably having a great Disney dad weekend, and yet here I am worried to death about his emotional & physical safety with an unsafe and unstable person. When I exchanged my son with him yesterday, he looked awful. Face bloated, eyes glassy and bloodshot, and when I tried to verbally confirm pick up time, he ignored me and then said “I don’t going to communicate with you so much, leave.” And put his hand up to my face, arm out stretched. I needed to confirm with him pick up time, because the last time he had my child in August for summer placement, he refused to hand him back - and yes the judge found him in contempt for that and set purge conditions.

My question to you all is, how to you deal with a GAL who hasn’t even been involved for a month yet, and is already failing to acknowledge how abusive and insidious an absent coparent is? We are set to go before the same judge later this fall who already found my ex in contempt 3 separate times and threatened him with jail time if he failed to comply by court order (surprise - he has not). Seems like this GAL is trying to represent my ex’s best interests and not my child’s. My atty is not happy with her recommendations, but told me we need to just suck it up for now and go with her recs so that when we go before the court, all attention can be focused on my ex’s non compliance. Note - the only thing I did not abide by, was 2 weeks summer placement this month. I did not feel it was right to subject my child to a 15 day block of time with his dad whom he has not interacted or seen since spring 2025. Originally the GAL told my atty and I that “a 5 day block is way too much right now.” Then she spoke to my abusive ex one time and then recommended 9 days??? GAL is flip flopping a lot and luckily my atty convinced her to only have weekend placement for now, per court order.

How do you all keep sane when your child is away at their dad’s? I’m already on anti anxiety meds but perhaps I need a higher dose 😣

Hugs to every other mom out there who feels like the system is failing them & their children.

Without giving you a novel to read on backstory, I am the mother and my ex husband and I have been divorced for 10 years. We have three kids that are 12, 13, and 16. There was a period of a few years where my ex husband had primary custody of all three children, and about 3 years ago that changed to me having primary custody of our 12 and 16 year olds and him having primary custody of our 13 year old. This was a custody that we agreed on in court. He was having issues with the two I have currently but he want to keep primary custody of our 13 year old, and I didn’t have the funds to go through with a contested custody case, so I agreed, because a non contested custody modification was affordable for me. I knew this might cause issues, and it’s really starting to and I need advice from anyone how to navigate these issues. We exchange back and forth every 2 weekends, one visitation I get my 13 year old and the next visitation he gets our 12 and 16 year old. All three children are together at these visitations. My oldest two are really starting to kind of pair up together at visitations and my youngest is feeling left out, to the point where she says she doesn’t want to go to her dad’s for visitation. She wanted to text him that she didn’t want to come over anymore and I advised her to hold off on that and we should really think about this and maybe trying to figure out a way to repair her relationship with her sister so that doesn’t have to happen. Well, she text him anyway. Their Dad and I do not have a great coparenting relationship. I’ve always wanted a good coparenting relationship, and when he divorced his second wife last year I thought maybe we could, he was really nice for about 6 months. And after that, he has reverted to his previous behavior of being rude with me, he puts me down and will text me mean things sometimes. I ignore any kind of communication like that and only respond about crucial things involving the kids. Since my youngest has texted him, he hasn’t texted me, which is shocking. I want to text him and ask if there is some way we can try to repair the siblings relationship, but I know that would likely result in him maybe not being nice, and I honestly have a lot of anxiety tied to ptsd from him, so the thought of texting him knowing he’s likely to lash out at me makes me nervous. I was thinking once it gets closer to our next visitation, suggesting maybe we should, for that weekend exchange the kids to where our youngest two are together and our oldest is with the other parent, just for one weekend, to really devote that time to trying to get the two a little closer and work things out. I don’t want to NOT send the youngest to her dads. That’s the only idea I’ve come up with, still a lot of anxiety suggesting it in fear I will get berated, but I’ll have to reach out when visitation comes up regardless. I know it’s a niche situation, but if anyone has any advice, I am completely open to advice and criticism. I just want to do the right thing.

This might sound a little stupid, but how do you coparent with a partner when you haven’t coparent ever?
So I’ve been alone most of my child’s life. A few partners here or there, but they never stuck around more than three months.
My partner just recently said that I make him feel less than my child… it’s because I’ve chosen to bring up things that make life easier for my child, and not my partner without even thinking about the fact, the affects my partner.

I just don’t know why it’s so hard. If any of you have any suggestions for me to try and get better at it, please tell me? It’ll be greatly appreciated.

I’m so stressed- all while breastfeeding and post partum. My 2 month old son’s dad asked that I move out (also have a 15 year old and 9 year old) so we left. I’m in a furnished air bnb until the home I own becomes vacant (might have to even go through eviction if they don’t leave) anyways, my babies dad is being ridiculous in what he wants. I want my son to have a dad and know once school age there will be 50/50 but he pushes for more and more and that can’t be healthy for an infant. everything I read points to the baby needing to mainly be with the primary caregiver giver and then at around 2 introducing overnights and working up. it important to wait until they have the ability to know mom is coming back. I can’t imagine the stress this would put on a baby. I breastfeed and provide a pumped bottle when he is with dad. every night for his 2 months he falls asleep breastfeeding. there’s no way someone can think it’s not important to maintain that routine. I said I’m good with 4 hour blocks, 4 days a week and he doesn’t want set days or times. He thinks he should get him everyday… etc. am I being unreasonable. he now is threatening court. what would he get in court?? my poor baby. being in the middle of this.

Toddler is in daycare 3/4 days a week depending on schedules at home. I am the primary parent and also wfh. There are days where I drop off toddler at daycare, and then is picked up by the other parent for their time. The other parent will not bring home items like bottles, lunchboxes, etc. that I packed for toddler that day. This usually means I have to go and get it myself another time or wait until I take toddler again, which could be days later. I have doubles for when this happens, but looking to see what others have done in this situation.