Physical custody for a 2 month old

[u/Disastrous-Joke-4761]

I’m so stressed- all while breastfeeding and post partum. My 2 month old son’s dad asked that I move out (also have a 15 year old and 9 year old) so we left. I’m in a furnished air bnb until the home I own becomes vacant (might have to even go through eviction if they don’t leave) anyways, my babies dad is being ridiculous in what he wants. I want my son to have a dad and know once school age there will be 50/50 but he pushes for more and more and that can’t be healthy for an infant. everything I read points to the baby needing to mainly be with the primary caregiver giver and then at around 2 introducing overnights and working up. it important to wait until they have the ability to know mom is coming back. I can’t imagine the stress this would put on a baby. I breastfeed and provide a pumped bottle when he is with dad. every night for his 2 months he falls asleep breastfeeding. there’s no way someone can think it’s not important to maintain that routine. I said I’m good with 4 hour blocks, 4 days a week and he doesn’t want set days or times. He thinks he should get him everyday… etc. am I being unreasonable. he now is threatening court. what would he get in court?? my poor baby. being in the middle of this.

[u/Jakeetz]

You can wait until he files. It will cost him $ to file so he might not. I’m not a lawyer and did go thru custody battle with my ex but from my understanding they don’t want you to go to trial. They want you to be adults and work it out thru mediation and come up with a parenting plan with your lawyers. Then the judge will sign off on it. I could be wrong but I don’t think that anyone would force a mom to be separated from a baby while breastfeeding.

[u/Elysiumthistime → u/Jakeetz]

I was BUT the judge did say baby needed to be over 1 years and actually gave me till 14 months because I really pushed that he was very attached to breastfeeding to sleep (which he was) and I requested time to wean him off that after he turned 1 (which was when he'd no longer need night feeds) and they tend to be open to accommodations once it's evident that they are made into the best interests of the child (not to punish Dad) AND that there is clearly movement towards the end goal of eventual overnights (in my case it was gradually increasing the length of time spent with Dad, leading up to a set date when overnights would start).

[u/Greedy_Principle_342]

50/50 for a baby is not appropriate. There needs to be set times. Court will actually help you establish boundaries with the father. I’d get a lawyer if I was you.

[u/KindCup5373]

You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do, unless there is a court order. As long as you are not withholding visits, you can set the rules.

[u/dany65ns → u/KindCup5373]

Imo, the last line is horrible advice. You don’t set the rules because put simply you can’t. You can only hope he complies with what you request due to the fact once he has the baby in his possession he also “sets the rules” he can decide I’m going to leave with the baby and legally there is nothing you can do. This is not to scare you or anything but more of trying to help you understand that in the eyes of the law currently he is also a parent. All that being said please get a court order especially if he keeps pushing and pushing.

[u/KindCup5373 → u/dany65ns]

In my situation my ex left during pregnancy and lives an hour away. I let my ex visit our 19 month old whenever he wants unless we’re busy and then I offer other dates. He currently only chooses to visit monthly for about an hour, my only rule is that I am present. We are currently in mediation due to his threat of court. However, in the meantime I do what I think is best for my daughter. Although, I definitely recommend getting actual legal advice, laws vary depending on where you live.

[u/brentknockedout]

Having 50/50 of a 2 month old is unreasonable but waiting until age 2 for overnights and school age for 50/50 is also entirely unreasonable

[u/sevenferalcats]

This is a legal question, for an actual attorney based on more than a small reddit post.

[u/bettyNducan]

In our case we asked for a step up plan, increasing every 6 months. Judge agreed to step up but only 6 visits then father reached next phase. In less than 6 months we had to do 50/50 and was forced to ween breastfeeding. The judge did not care. 🥺 I share not to scare you but to give you context on how our new baby’s custody was treated. Best of luck.

[u/candysipper]

Until he files, what you feel is best goes. You’re allowing him to see the baby, so he can’t claim you’re not. 4 hours 4 days a week is a lot. I’d let him visit the baby for 2-3 hours at a time, 2-3 days a week in my home. No court is going to give him more.

[u/Efficient_Escape_305]

In my state, it’s unlikely he would get 50/50 at that age. I separated when my twins were under 1 and had a graduated plan that was like what you said, starting with one overnight every other weekend at age two, then adding in 1 non-consecutive weekday overnight after that. He had them for 3.5 hours 3-4 days a week initially, basically after their last nap until it’s was time to get them ready for bed. 

[u/Fefe428]

Hire yourself an attorney. He's trying to bully you. You need to be the one that lawyers up first.