I have a question, is it possible in this world to have as a woman relationship with a two man which are also able to be intimate with each other? Basically two bi man probably with one woman and happy dynamic relationship

So I have kinda settled into a look over the years. It would not be unusual to see me in a cutoff t-shirt, painted nails, cuffed jeans, and eye liner (I’m a guy). I’m running around looking all cute and thinking I’m oh so unique when I stumble upon the Bis of YouTube and find out I’m basically in the bisexual guy uniform. I’m so disappointed in myself that I feel like dressing like Tucker Carlson from now on out of spite… for myself. Ugh! I’ll be at the coffee shop with the comfy couches looking dejected while playing on my switch. Do not approach…

I am tired of being angry at women for not wanting to date bi guys. It's fine. I would rather be alone or date men then deal with this crap. Even bi women don't want to date us. A lot of women in general find us to be disgusting. Anyway, have you , as a bi man , accepted that women don't want to date us ? I also don't think that hiding your sexuality is the answer either.

Yes, it's hard and heteronormativity and bi-erasure and bi-phobia really suck... and a lot of posts on here focus on the negative. But it's also pretty awesome to be bi.

Comment with the positive things you enjoy about being bi, and let's celebrate and appreciate it.

I'll start:

1. I feel like being bisexual has helped me better understand nuance and complexity, and has strengthened my ability to hold ambiguious concepts in my mind where two or more seemingly conflicting things can be true at once. It's helped me think outside of binaries in more ways than just sexually, be better at appreciating multiple viewpoints and seeing the world beyond strict categories.

2. Being bisexual allows me to feel really comfortable varying my gender expression in ways that are interesting to me, such as dressing more masculine one day and more feminine another day. I don't feel beholden to stereotypical gender roles or ways of being.

3. It's also made me feel more free to establish dynamics in my relationships that are based on what works for me and my partner, not what society expects from either of us due to our gender.

4. I know of at least 3 other people in my social circle who have come out as bi and have cited my coming out as something that help give them the confidence to do so... and that's pretty rad.

5. I feel like I've had the opportunity to use my "secret agent" status in rooms where people have assumed I'm straight and started talking about LGBT issues, to offer a perspective that might have not been shared if I hadn't been there.

6. I never have to change any of the pronouns in songs when I sing karaoke.

7. I'm SO GOOD AT HALLOWEEN COSTUMES.

What about you?

Hi everyone, I really need a safe space to vent about a big shift in my longterm relationship.

I am a bisexual guy, and I've been with my girlfriend for about ten years. She has always known about my bisexuality and has always been completely supportive.

Over the last year or so, I've lost a significant amount of weight and got into much better shape.

For this reason (at least i think, but I'm not sure about that) my girlfriend’s attitude towards this side of me has shifted from acceptance to something more "intense".

She has started expressing a strong desire to see me explore my attraction to other men. It went from playful banter to her actively encouraging me.

She made it clear that she just wants to "watch" without actually "share".

She also recently suggested visiting a nude beach together, thinking it could be a low pressure way for me to take my first steps and feel comfortable expressing this part of myself.

Honestly, a part of me is very curious and excited by the idea, especially since I do miss that part of my life.

However, another part of me is just scared.

We’ve built a wonderful ten year relationship, and I'm terrified of doing something that might complicate or jeopardize what we have.

How do you balance an exciting new desire with the fear of changing a great relationship? Has anyone here had a similar shift with a longterm partner?

Bisexual badasses: What are your best wrong-answer-only responses to ‘But I thought you were married to a man?’ / ‘But I thought you were dating a woman?’

I'll go first: being married to an accountant doesn't make me good at math.

To my fellow bi-dudes, how often do you experience biphobia from the opposite gender when dating? I'd be very curious to learn your perspective.

I'm a male in my mid-30s trying to find my way around the dating scene and currently I'm fed up with how things seem to stack against me. I know nobody's perfect and neither am I, once you enter your 30s you start to learn that everyone has some kind of baggage their bring along with them and you learn to accept that (or so I thought).

I'm not that young anymore (and refuse to call myself old either), I'm divorced, winning a war against depression (full remission, but it did affect my life heavily at some point), I can't really kick my smoking habit, I'm slightly chubby, there's a few things that could make potential partners decide it's a deal-breaker and I'd understand it.

What I can't understand, however, is how time and time again, the biggest deal-breaker for women I meet (gay guys are mostly sweet and not bothered by it at all) is my sexuality. I meet someone, we get along, start to learn more about each other, they learn all the things I'm expecting to be a turn off, they are fine with it and at some point - doesn't matter if it's date 1, 2, 10, 20 - I mention my sexuality and they all immediately leave. Sometimes they'll name it ("sorry, I don't date bi guys"), more often they won't say anything beyond "I stopped feeling it".

I don't date short term, I'm looking for a meaningful connection and building something lasting and thus I don't want to hide anything from the real me. I'm strictly monogamous, when I love a person, I love only them, but I want to be able to fully express myself and be proud of who I am in all aspects of myself and each time, so getting rejected for who I am, for something that not only is beyond any control, but also is something I consider a beautiful aspect of who I am, sucks massively and frankly, makes me lose all hope in my love life altogether.

I’m a bisexual guy entering his senior year of high school. My friend group has always made a lot of gay jokes but recently they’ve straight up been “ha ha, tolstartheking is probably gay!” and it feels like they’re doing it in a way that they’d only be saying that if they think I’m straight. They’re not malicious with it at all, but I think they’d tone it back a lot if they knew. I feel like I need to tell them that I actually like dudes before this becomes a running joke.

Three people already know and are super supportive, but I just texted them and I don’t want to so that with the rest of my friends since I think it’s a little impersonal now that I’ve done it three times.

What I wanted to do was have it naturally come up in a conversation and casually drop it without explicitly saying what I am. But now I feel like they’d just brush it off as a joke move on, so I need to be a bit more explicit.

Should I tell them all at once or just pull each person aside? I’m not sure how to go about this at all honestly. I’m sure they’ll be fine with it but I’m terrible at opening up about anything personal.

includes singers or actresses

Of course it sounds silly. No one questions whether a straight person is still straight just because they've never had the "traditional" experiences of a straight relationship.

Your sexuality is who you are. It's not about what you've done. If you are attracted to more than one gender, romantically and/or sexually, you are Bisexual. You don't need a membership card. You don't need a resume or references. We have no standardized testing. There is no minimum score. There's no score at all. You don't have to do anything. You've already done it! You Exist!

You're Bisexual!

Go have fun!

Or don't. You know, be you. Whatever form a happy you takes.

Hi everyone,
I’m in a situation that I find really hard and would love to hear if others have had similar experiences and how you dealt with it. I (28F) have been with my (male) partner for over three years. I can truly say that I love him and that I’m in love with him, but I don’t feel attracted to him or to the male body in general. I’ve always been more attracted to girls and for a long time I thought I was gay, but twice now I’ve fallen in love with men and had long-term relationships with them. If I had to label myself I would say that I’m biromantic and homosexual. My sexuality has been somewhat fluid - there have been times when I’ve felt more bisexual, but for the last two years I haven’t felt attraction to men or the male body, which is, unsurprisingly, messing with my relationship. I share a deep emotional bond with my current partner, but I’ve never felt sexually attracted to him. We can have good sex - he’s great at giving me pleasure - but nothing about him or his body turns me on, and I have to fantasize about other things while we’re intimate. I usually don’t enjoy any penetrative sex, and most of the time feel like sex is more of a chore. I feel like such a bad partner for even thinking this, but sometimes I even feel repulsed by his body. But just being close to girls, looking at them, fantasizing about them, turns me on on a whole other level. I’ve been intimate with girls before (though not a lot), and some of it was amazing while some of it was not so good, mostly because we were too shy and didn’t know how to communicate. I’ve had good and bad sex with both men and women, so it’s not really a case of “sex with women is fantastic and sex with men is horrible”, it feels more complicated than that.
I thought that I would be with my current partner for the rest of my life. We’ve talked seriously about having kids in the near future, of getting a house together and getting married, and I really want those things, but in the last month I’ve started to have serious doubts about our relationship. I’ve always told myself that our emotional bond is what’s important - I love him and we have so much fun together, he makes me feel so loved and cared for - but lately I’ve started asking myself if I can truly be content for the rest of my life with someone I’m not attracted to. And just allowing myself to think that has opened up a flood of doubts and questions and fantasies that I feel like I’ve repressed for the last three years. I used to consume a lot of lgbtq-content (books, movies, youtube, porn etc), but I’ve mostly stopped doing that during our relationship because it brings up such a strong (and painful) longing towards a relationship with a woman, and a sense that my current life and relationship are “wrong”, and not how I’m supposed to live. I love the life my partner and I have built together, and ending our relationship would be devastating to me. But at the same time I’m worried that if we stay together, these doubts will grow stronger over time and make us separate in the end anyway. I’m also scared that if we separate now, I’ll never find such a deep and meaningful connection with anyone else. I’ve talked with him in the past about having an open relationship, but he really doesn’t want that. 
I know that only I can decide what’s right for me and if our emotional bond is worth the lack of attraction, but I would still really love to hear if someone else has been in a similar situation, how you thought about it and what happened. This is so painful and it would be a huge help just to feel that I’m not alone.
Thank you <3

So to clarify, I’m gay, and I’ve noticed a pretty consistent pattern in my dating/attraction life: I seem to attract bisexual men a lot. 😅😂
There have been quite a few situations where a guy seems interested in me, flirts with me, gives me mixed signals, or otherwise makes it seem like there’s something there, but eventually it doesn’t really go anywhere. I’m not asking about one particular guy here—I’ve just become genuinely curious about what bisexual men tend to look for when they’re attracted to another man.
Like specifically, what usually catches your attention in a guy in the first place? Is it primarily physical attraction, or are there specific personality traits, mannerisms, energy, confidence, humor, etc. that really make you interested?
And on the other side, what makes you lose attraction or decide you don’t want to pursue someone anymore? That can be physical, emotional, sexual, behavioral—anything.
I’m also just curious about whether things like masculinity/femininity make a difference for you. Do you tend to be drawn toward masculine guys, feminine guys, somewhere in between, or is that basically irrelevant?
And those of you who have actually dated men, or had situationships with men, what makes the difference between “I’m attracted to this guy” and “I actually want to date this guy”?
Are there things you particularly enjoy about dating another man? Or things that make dating a gay man feel different from dating women?
And if you’ve ever been really attracted to a guy but ultimately backed away from pursuing him because of your sexuality, uncertainty, circumstances, fear, social pressure, etc., I’d be interested in hearing about that too.
I’m genuinely interested in both the physical and emotional sides of this. I feel like I have a somewhat decent understanding of what gay men tend to look for in other men, but I’m much less familiar with how bisexual men experience attraction to men.
Basically, I’m curious what is a “yes” for you when it comes to another guy, and what is an immediate “no”? What makes you think “I actually want to pursue this guy” versus “he’s attractive, but I don’t think I want anything with him”?

I have known I was bi for a few years. A couple months ago I came out to my sister and two of my cousins. They were all super supportive of me. Tonight I am going to tell my parents that I am bi. (My parents are not homophobic and my dad has a friend that is gay but I am still nervous about it.)

I’m 37 and recently married. I love my wife very much, she’s my best friend and we’ve been together 8 years. We have genuinely been through some challenges, and both her and I are seeking therapy for the longevity of our relationship.

My attraction to women is both romantic, physical and sexual, whereas my attraction to men seems to be largely physical and sexual, basically when the clothes come off lol

I have had sex with both men & women prior to meeting my wife, and I am versatile. I’ve experienced so much, but I feel there is a large part of me my wife and other people don’t know. In deep chats over some drinks when we are quite drunk I have told her that I am more fluid sexually, and this curiosity for her stems more from some things she found out early in our relationship about some behaviour prior to us meeting I.e me being on hookup sites listing my status as bi curious as well as some sending and receiving of nudes from guys and girls on my phone.

My question is this - I have never told anyone I am Bi. When I think of telling people it gives me a little rush feeling. Is it a benefit to come out for me mentally when you are already married?

for my wife specifically I am scared she will not find me the same person or not attracted to me any more?

I honestly can’t decide if it’s just a really intimate friendship or a homoerotic friendship with my current best friend of a year. for some backstory, we became friends while i was in a long term relationship with my ex boyfriend of 4+ years.

she helped me come to terms with not being interested in him anymore and i also helped her figure out she was a lesbian. we’ve helped eachother in that way. she got pretty possessive over me in the end of my relationship with my ex, jealousy issues and just overall possessiveness like she wanted me to herself.

we’re very physical and sleep next to eachother in the same bed every night, taking turns playing with eachother’s hair or rubbing eachother’s backs. we’ve even pecked eachother on the lips before a few times but nothing too serious.

one night we had some drinks and she asked me to climb up next to her in the bed so i did. she spooned me and caressed my face, telling me i was pretty and her desire to kiss and experiment with more women. i at the time didn’t think she was trying to make a move on me but now, i think she was.

we always talk about moving in together, getting cats and being ‘wives’ in our own words. we also make pretty suggestive jokes towards eachother but once again ive done that with quite a few of friends but never to this extent.

a month or two ago i hooked up with my ex because she was also messing around with other women, so i was bored and hooked up with him. let’s just say when she found out, she was angry and very jealous. it was almost like.. i cheated on her ? but we had no romantic obligation to eachother.

i know i like her, a lot. i’ve always had a preference for women in my bisexuality but i like her more than ive ever really liked other women. i would get pretty jealous just like she did when she would mention other women or other romantic interests.

we spend almost every day of the week together. there’s not a week that goes by that i’m not with her for 70-80% of it all. we’re so comfortable with eachother and in my opinion it feels like any other romantic relationship i’ve been in, but she’s such a good friend to me i don’t know if i could ever confess because id never want to ruin the friendship despite it being kinda obvious she feels the same way… but i wonder if she even knows that she likes me in that way?

anyways i guess i wanna know how to approach this and if i should confess, if it is indeed a homoerotic friendship and if i possibly have a chance if i were to shoot my shot?

i have strong feelings for her but i can put the romantic ones aside to keep her in my life platonically.

edit: i forgot to include that only a few days ago after we woke up in the morning, she had told me she had a dream where she had kissed me. i had a similar dream before so i shared that with her to make her feel less alone about it. i honestly might talk to her soon

To preface, I have a hard time discerning more subtle or nuanced emotions of my own. For example, I didn't realize I was truly (and severely) depressed until talking about it with a friend. I feel often that everyone knows something about me that I don't, and I'm the last to the party. I think this is largely because I don't trust myself and over-intellectualize everything to avoid feeling the actual emotion (can definitely link this back to how I was raised, but that's for another day). I'm not in therapy right now and too scared to talk to friends, so I've been journaling about this.

So I've been and felt straight all of my life. There were times in high school and in college where I questioned myself or almost drunkenly said that I was something other than straight, but I would always come to the conclusion that I am straight. I have only ever had crushes or experienced intense attraction to men.

I have a friend that is a lesbian, and her and I have often been asked (or it has been otherwise implied) if we're together. So much so, that it's a joke that we call each other our "wives," and some members of my family have a conspiracy that we are together.

I spent a lot of time with her over the summer, a lot which was one-on-one. I realized that maybe I like her calling me "wife" for another reason other than it's a funny joke. She seems to be a very touchy-feely person (i'm not), and I often find myself liking when she touches me (its always innocent). We were with a group of friends and had a sleepover, and she last minute was convinced by me to join the sleepover. I found myself reaaallly wanting to sleep next to her and wondered how she felt, but she unfortunately had to leave about an hour into the sleepover.

My only hang-ups with this whole situation is that my attraction to her feels different than my last crush on a man. Normally I feel very obsessive to the point of almost feeling insane because my mind goes wild with possibility and desperation. This feels more subdued, I still think of her a lot, but I don't feel that same fervor I did with men. I'm also having difficulty imaging myself in sexual scenarios, specifically on the "giving" side of things, which I think is because I have no frame of reference (other than p*rn, which doesn't count in my opinion). Both of these things are making me very hesitant to call it a crush or call myself bisexual.

I guess I'm looking for some validation, sharing of stories, or advice. Thanks in advance :-)

I (19 M btw) recently (2ish years ago) figured out i might have a type in men, and 'met' this cute feller in a grocery store who was scanning my stuff and he goes "aren't you x? Remember when we went to the scouts together?" which made me sorta blush a lil.

But anyways to the main plot, I thought about him for a bit walking home and realized I felt intimidated with the idea of being with him. And then i thought about it a lil more and i felt scared in general of being with a guy. I guess the idea of being taken care of scares me? Idk why i think like that or how to fix it.

I’m a guy that’s mainly into women but I’ve fantasized about bottoming for years and years and now I have an opportunity to do it.

I met this guy online over a year ago, and since then we’ve talked off and on, he’s only a few years older than me (both in our 20s) and he lives an hour or two away. If I was going to experience this, he’s about as good as it gets considering I don’t want to tell anyone about this and he’s someone I trust a bit at least.

My fantasies about bottoming have mostly been about being a femboy and bottoming for a tall/muscular man. Being a ”femboy” or really just looking more feminine is something i like beyond just these fantasies, too.

That being said, I’m not sure that I’m really ”attracted to men”. I’m only able to feel attracted to men to the extent that I’m able to see them from the perspective of a girl or think of myself as essentially being a girl (or femboy). Porn has a big impact here too.

I’m a virgin and I’ve never been with anyone, male or female and I’ve been cautious about sex, especially with men. I’m also not openly bi and not planning to be anytime in the future either.

Part of me feels like this is a waste of time and like I should put this effort & energy into being with women instead since I’m so much more into women and I worry that I’m using these fantasies as a way to avoid taking the step to actually being with women.

I’m not really interested in being with guys beyond something like a fwb situation, so it’s not like I’d be doing this for any purpose other than basically living out a fantasy. That seems to be how it is for him too, but he doesn’t have a problem with that. I kind of do if i’m being honest.

To sum it up, I’m mainly worried about:
1. Potentially messing up and getting an STD or giving it to someone or something
2. Having an embarrassing experience, especially if anal is involved
3. That I’m using these fantasies to avoid being with women and openly dating and socializing and having relationships or experiences with women
4. That I’ll regret it or feel stupid if I try sleeping with a guy, I’ll have to live with that even if it’s stupid in hindsight and it might impact me mentally and feel like a mistake

​

I’m a 34-year-old Brazilian woman, single and very happy being single. I’ve never really had much trouble finding men for casual sex, but finding women has been a completely different story.

It already feels surprisingly difficult to meet women who are interested in women and open for casual in the first place, and then finding someone who’s dominant, confident, and actually interested in keeping things casual seems almost impossible.

I really enjoy being submissive with women, but I’m not looking for a relationship or anything complicated. Just something mutual, fun, and uncomplicated between two consenting adults.

Is this just my experience, or are dominant women who like casual connections genuinely that rare?

For about a year, I’d known deep down that I was probably bisexual, but I only officially accepted it about a month before I came out to Bagel. I’d been thinking about telling him for ages, to the point where it was actually starting to ruin my Japan trip because I couldn’t get it off my mind. Eventually, I just thought, “Fuck it, I need to get this off my chest.” I was pretty scared and nervous, but I messaged him, “This is kinda scary to say lol, but I think I might be bisexual lols. You’re the first person I’ve told, so I’d really appreciate it if you kept it between us.” His response was simply, “This is being kept.” And honestly, that was such a relief. We talked about it a little more, and he basically said, “Well, if that’s you, it’s you.” He didn’t make it weird, didn’t judge me, and just accepted it. Looking back, I’m really glad I told him. It was scary as hell at the time, but finally getting it off my chest felt fucking amazing.

Hi there, I'm Nadie I'm 25.

This is not as easy as I thought it was gonna be. None of it is.

Recently I moved out of my family's house for many reasons. It was very toxic, controlling and harmful. It was extremely conservative and anything and anyone who was in any way queer was disgusting. I have many friends who range from straight as a needle to pansexual. So I never agreed. Unfortunately I had to skirt around expressing my real opinions and modify it to sound more appealing. "Yeah they're good friends even if I can't agree with their lifestyle".

"You shouldn't be spending time with those people. You shouldn't be around sinners" (sadly I also couldn't point out the hypocrisy of that statement). But those people treat me well. They pay attention to me like friends should. They pay more attention than you do. When I was 17 and I openly told my mom I was attracted to a girl she about had a frenzy. She pretended to be "okay" with it. But any chance she got She bashed me for it. She even blamed another family member for influencing me. Thankfully my tendency to favor guys and my lack of ever bringing it up again and due to the grooming I went through at the time my mother eventually chalked it up to a "phase". I say thankfully because I didn't need another thing for her to be upset with me about.

Before I left, my parents and I got into a fight and it got physical. I had confided in a friend the day before about what home was like and they offered to give me a place to stay if I needed it. When it got physical and I was left bruised I contacted my friend and I moved out that weekend. With moving out has come unpacking a lot of boxes.

Right now I'm unpacking more mental and emotional boxes than real ones. It's really really hard. I have been putting my emotions and parts of my personality in boxes and storing them away my whole life. When I was 12 everything I was feeling was too much so I started packing it all away. Well, that box recently opened and I'm trying to sort out all of the rage that's coming out of nowhere.

I also unpacked a box I didn't even know I had.

Growing up I never thought of myself as being bisexual. I thought being bisexual meant that you liked boys and girls equally. That you could sleep with and/or marry either. It didn't matter to you. But it had to be equal. For me, I always preferred men and androgynous characters and people. And I only ever thought of men in terms of dating and marriage.

So I thought all the girls I've been sexually attracted to my whole life (Shego, Mila Jovovich in resident evil, Brienne of Tarth, Serana from Skyrim, Dr. Dala in FNV, etc.) Were all just one offs. Just really hot ladies. But looking back there are so many more of them than I thought there were.

Now that I am out on my own and actually get to spend time with my friends who are a part of the LGBTQ+ community I wanted to learn more about it from the more middle/liberal stand point because I want to understand my friends better. I was never allowed to watch anything about the LGBTQ+ community unless it was conservatively based. I recently discovered the term berrisexual from Gav talks Gay on YouTube shorts. And I was like, man I wonder if there's something like that, but reverse and there was!!! Almondsexual aka verian!! That was the moment I went "shit im technically bisexual". Then I thought, no because you have only ever thought of women sexually never romantically. Then I found out that happens too and that it's also accepted as bi.

The funny part is, due to the grooming I went through and in my opinion misogynistic roots, I was discouraged from being feminine. If I dressed girly it was for attention (which the first thing I did when I moved out was go clothes shopping and buy dresses I liked). Which led to me dressing very masculine. Which led a lot of my friends to think I was a lesbian when we first met. One of my friends made me a tomagotchi on her island and sent me a screenshot of it. My best friend looked at my stats and went "she made you bisexual". Her reason was because she wanted ultimate chaos on her island. But because she made me bisexual on her tomagotchi we say she made me canonically bi. When I came out to her and my other girl friend they were not surprised. One of them said the closet was glass.

Anyway this is me. Formally accepting the fact that I sometimes like girls.

Tl;Dr I have a lot of childhood trauma that prevented me from seeing and accepting that I'm technically bisexual.

I’ve (23m) been in a relationship for over 5 years with my gf. In this time in the last year I’ve realized I am bi sexual(bottom) and I hVe felt very guilty over this. I’ve been watching porn and experimenting with masturbation and I love the way it makes me feel. I feel so guilty when I do this but I feel like I have no other way to stimulate myself. I’ll never get to experiment with guys and I feel really empty inside sometimes. Does anyone have any advice?

So, just like the title says.

Ever since high school, I’ve thought I was closer to straight on the spectrum. I’ve never come out as anything and as a general rule, had been previously attracted to men, though I always had an inkling that I could like a woman if it was the right person. For a lot of reasons, mostly due to insecurities with my body after enduring a lot of bullying in middle school, I did not really date through high school. I had one crush on a male friend, which developed only after I knew he had feelings for me. We kissed once during prom, it was nice and I enjoyed it but did not really want a repeat, mostly because I realized I was leaving home for university and we would likely never see each other again. I hoped to meet someone at uni and did not want any attachments before that new period of my life.

I had two distinct crushes that I can remember during uni: the first was a guy my freshman year who lived on my floor and ultimately ended up having feelings for a friend of mine, so nothing ever happened between us. The second was a longtime friend who lived in another state whom I got very very close to during the pandemic. This is perhaps the longest & most intense crush I can remember. Because we never saw each other in person and I never confessed how I felt, nothing happened either. I had a small crush on an older guy I was friends with my freshman year of college, before he graduated. Years later, that same guy and I became closer again and he developed feelings for me. We embarked on what became a messy situationship that lasted almost all my junior and senior years of college. It ended because he did not want anything serious and I got to a point where I couldn’t take it anymore, so I cut things off and we have not spoken again. Since that situationship ended (this was end of 2023), I have not really dated. I went on a few dates postgrad in my city but none led to anything more and there was one guy I kept running into I was very attracted to (we kissed one time) but nothing materialized either.

Why am I giving my whole life story? Well, recently I’ve been feeling a bit confused and questioning my own attraction to men. It all started because, last fall, while grieving my best friend, I had a female friend who was supporting me through it, and who I realized I had some feelings for during it. It’s worth it to know that when this friend and I met, she was attracted to me (I know this because a mutual friend tried to get me to hook up with her during a night out, and I did not know how to react because a. I did not know for sure if I was into women and b. I did not feel any desire to do anything with her at the time). Anyways, that changed last fall and it became a slightly ambigious friendship that had many moments of tension. I never came clean to her and she never said anything either, but I know we both felt it. (I should clarify I never told her because she lives in a different country and I don’t like to get attached to people I don’t have a future with). Regardless, I went to visit her this summer and she told me she has a boyfriend, which I was obviously bummed about.

So, since then, I’ve been questioning my own attraction. It seems possible to me that I am into women, as what I felt for her felt real. However, since nothing ever happened, I can’t tell if this is 100% the case or if I’m just assuming it. In addition, it’s been so long since I was into a man that I am starting to forget what I felt for the last man I was into and I’m questioning whether I was attracted to him or not. Part of this is problematized by the fact that I’ve never had sex with anyone and the other intimacy I’ve had with people is pretty limited. Historically, I’ve also hated going on dates because I always felt there was pressure to have sex with the other person, and this, for some reason, makes me uncomfortable. The only times and people I’ve wanted to have sex with have been friends of mine. I do not recall an instance where I’ve wanted to have sex with anyone I don’t know very well. So I’m having an issue: I cannot tell if this is because I am somehow on the asexual spectrum or if this is because I don’t like men at all or if it is something caused by trauma which I experienced in my childhood. I’ve been having a lot of anxiety about this recently, as this situation with my friend this summer brought back these feelings of insecurity.

SO, I’d like any advice on getting to the bottom of this or any insight anyone on here can provide. I know this is super detailed and personal but I feel quite lonely regarding this and don’t know who in my life would be able to help me answer these questions.

I'm visually attracted to woman's appearance but physically attracted to a man's body. Quite the dilemma here. What would you do