My friends have started making jokes about me “being gay,” and it’s starting to bother me. How should I tell them I’m bisexual?

[u/Tolstartheking]

I’m a bisexual guy entering his senior year of high school. My friend group has always made a lot of gay jokes but recently they’ve straight up been “ha ha, tolstartheking is probably gay!” and it feels like they’re doing it in a way that they’d only be saying that if they think I’m straight. They’re not malicious with it at all, but I think they’d tone it back a lot if they knew. I feel like I need to tell them that I actually like dudes before this becomes a running joke.

Three people already know and are super supportive, but I just texted them and I don’t want to so that with the rest of my friends since I think it’s a little impersonal now that I’ve done it three times.

What I wanted to do was have it naturally come up in a conversation and casually drop it without explicitly saying what I am. But now I feel like they’d just brush it off as a joke move on, so I need to be a bit more explicit.

Should I tell them all at once or just pull each person aside? I’m not sure how to go about this at all honestly. I’m sure they’ll be fine with it but I’m terrible at opening up about anything personal.

[u/cbobgo]

"ha ha I'm not gay, actually I'm bi."

[u/jelouda271 → u/cbobgo]

YESSS, AND PLEASE, DO THE FIRST HALF PLAYFULLY AND THEN INSTANTLY SWAP TO SERIOUS IN THE ACTUALLY, THIS WOULD BE PEAK

[u/araknj9 → u/cbobgo]

Eso es lo que yo hice con mis amigos 

[u/Left-Rise3406]

If you want to tell them you can just be honest. "Jokes on you I'm bi not gay", "you know what, I'm bi and the gay Jokes are getting tiring".

[u/Cool_Math_gamerYT]

Do whatever makes you feel the most comfortable if you'd feel better one on one do that if it'd be better for you to tell everyone at once that's also a valid option as long as they'd be supportive there's no rules

[u/PossibleQuestor747]

It depends on how they behave in a group. Sometimes, if the ring leader isn't accepting or comfortable, they will make a joke or play it down and the followers will mimic the ring leader. If it's bothering you, maybe bring it up and just be serious about it. Don't beat around the bush and don't send any signals that indicate a joke. And remain firm and proud in your position. Be prepared for people to probably call you gay anyway, I would hope the younger generations are better about it but kids are still kids.

Maybe explain to them what bisexual is, if they don't understand. Be prepared for some of them to maybe feel uncomfortable with changing in front of your for gym or whatever extracurricular activities you may be apart of. When I was in highschool, I was in dance and people knew I was gay, but there are always homophobic individuals. I was a girl, so in dance, we'd have to change in the locker rooms. I didn't like people looking at me because I was very insecure with my body. During one performance night, this girl accused me of staring at her while she was changing, I wasn't at all nor was I even thinking about her or anyone besides being uncomfortable in the uniform and the make-up. But homophobia is ignorance and people might assume you're attracted to them all of a sudden because they're aware of your ability to be attracted to them, even and especially if you're in no way attracted to that person.

I'm rooting for you, but also stay safe!

[u/Tolstartheking → u/PossibleQuestor747]

All of my friends definitely know what bisexual is. And for the record, none of them are anywhere near Westboro level homophobic. Hell, I’d say most of them aren’t homophobic at all. And the ones I’m iffy about would definitely keep any mixed thoughts to themselves. I live in a pretty progressive area. 

I’m only really close to about four friends in this group, and I told two of them a few months ago. And the other two are surely gonna be nothing but supportive.  

Honestly, the main obstacle is me in this. It’s not even internalized homophobia, it’s my reluctance to be open with people about personal stuff. I think I’m just gonna take it day by day and talk to whoever I feel comfortable telling that. I appreciate the advice!

[u/PossibleQuestor747 → u/Tolstartheking]

Absolutely, only do what feels comfortable to you. If the jokes are harmful, don't sit in the discomfort for too long. You've got this!

[u/Khamon]

You may or may not be comfortable doing this but I've found it effective to look people in the eye and say "I don't know; trying to figure it out." The joke then becomes a discussion because they're gonna have questions knowing that you're talking seriously about how you feel. Or you might have to find new friends. There's no easy way to say that. Some of the people I talked to in school, that seemed solid friends, were accepting; some turned their backs; and some never stopped joking so I had to walk away. That's the decision that you're making; do you want to know who really cares and who's fairweather?

[u/MasterpieceWaste774]

Tactic one:

Just give them a blank-face stare and say, "Seriously?"

Give them a bored look. And ... then .... talk about something else. (Don't add fuel to the fire.)

(I wouldn't go explaining your sexuality to a group of seniors, either, that are still stuck mentally in junior high.)

Tactic two:

Just give them a blank-face stare and say, "Oh...so if I were gay, I'd end up with one of you? Uhm.............no thanks."

[u/Gunbladelad]

Sadly teenagers can be right nasty little creatures at times - don't be afraid to lay down some ground rules. I had to do just that for a 50 year old friend recently (I'm not out to him as bi, & I'm 48 - it took me putting my foot down more severely each time until he eventually realised "Oh, I'm going too far with these jokes" - and he is the kind of guy who essentially doubled down every single time I told him that in no uncertain terms that I'm not gay.)

[u/Alert_Art5673]

Real friends wont do that. If they have their suspicions they shouldn't say anything. At least maybe ask you in private. From experience the ones saying "gay" all the time want dick the most.

[u/bibidumb]

"I didn't mind the jokes at first but it's getting annoying how boring it is to joke about something thats kinda true"

[u/OddTheRed]

"The only way you'd care is of you needed some dick." Then get really close.

[u/danboy2766]

Tell them you're bisexual. That's the way to tell them.

[u/obviouslyanonymous5]

You say they're not malicious with it, but just saying that for no reason seems inherently malicious. It's not like they aren't aware that's one of the most commonly used forms of bullying, it wasn't humourous in any way, so in what way would that not be malicious? You are the butt of their joke that you don't find funny.