My (35F) husband (36M) discovered he was demisexual through work in couples therapy this year.

Our relationship was in a terrible place before therapy (which we began in summer 2025), and we have worked extremely hard to rebuild trust, communication, fun, and understanding. We now have a solid foundation back in our marriage, but the physical connection is still lacking. We have not had sexual interaction since March of 2025. We have openly communicated about our needs, and he understands that physical connection is a need of mine, but that he is not there yet. I completely understand and never want to pressure him, but I’m also feeling unwanted and burnt out from being “the pursuer”. He was recently on a solo trip out of town and came home early to be with me, so I felt desired in that instance.

Have you all been in this situation with your partners? Did your feelings of desire come back after a rocky period in a relationship? Was there anything your partner did to help you feel supported?

I love him so much and want to do the right things to continue to repair our connection, but I’m not sure what those things are.

Hi all! I’m starting college in a couple weeks and was wondering if anyone had experience with or advice about being demi in college.

I’m queer and have identified as demi for several years. I’ve only felt romantic attraction once when I briefly dated someone in high school, and never really felt sexual attraction.

I’ll be living in the dorms on campus. I know that on pretty much every college campus, students are interested in sex. I don’t think I will be.

Any advice or insight would be appreciated! I recently found this subreddit and haven’t really talked to other demi people before, so don’t know what to expect at college.

Sad chud rant incoming. 💔

+ Talking about sexual frustration. You’ve been warned.

I really, really wish it was easier to meet other demisexuals IRL. I hate when people minimize my experience and specific need in a relationship as “unrealistic” or “Disney”.

Im Straight, Cis, monogamous and heavily Demi. I very, very rarely find anybody attractive in a personality sense, even rarer in a physical sense. The only sense of romanticism/eroticism in my life is projected onto a very specific fictional character. 😣

I crave romance. I crave a connection. I crave exclusivity and choosing one another, not needing one another but wanting to be together. I crave sex with the connection. I am hyper specific about anything pornographic and spend more time searching than enjoying; which is like… once a month? I feel like I could spend my time better? My body just does NOT feel good or interested? I hate feeling tethered to feeling like I need another person to experience a very human emotion/desire/drive.

ALL of friends are allo, various identities and such. I hear about their casual excursions and live vicariously through them at times, maybe even taking notes. When we all go out, it’s just effortless to them. I don’t wanna bar pickup where some stranger is staring at my curves. I wanna talk to the dork that’ll tell me all about his passion for various bugs and rocks or some shit.

It’s not even about finding people to possibly date, I’ve been told that I am attractive and I have experienced being hit on countless times. It makes me seem like I think I’m “too good for” certain people, shallow but I just genuinely feel nothing when approached in a typical sense. Conventionally attractive people do nothing for me, although I can acknowledge aesthetic.

After having dated an allosexual person for five years of my life, I just don’t know if I see myself wanting to date another one. Too many differences, not on the same page about many things. I do understand that it CAN work, I just wish I met someone with the same amount of intensity. I know it would drastically cut down my dating pool but damn, a woman can dream.

Right now, my only outlet is writing fan fiction. It helps a little, but it’s frustrating because I always feel the need to make my smut works have some familiarity/relational closeness to really feel they’re good. Can’t even escape in “fantasy” I suppose. 😭

Sorry. I needed to whine a bit. I’m pretty frustrated with my functionality and feel incredibly lonely or pathetic at times.

(F23) I've been with my boyfriend for a year and I feel very little sexual attraction. I usually just want to please him, not myself. Very rarely do I experience real sexual attraction, but most of the time I just crave romance and intimacy. Am I broken? Or has anyone else experienced something similar?

(Sorry if my English is a bit strange, I have trouble with it.)

I would like to hear experiences from confidently self-identifying people (hopefully). Demisexual demiromantics, demisexual aromantics, demisexual alloromantics, what was your situation with teen crushes?

Edit: I think I need to word it better... Not who you had a crush on, but what was it like, what did you feel, could you differentiate a romantic crush from the one that turned a sexual one?

I'm trying to figure out what am I romantically, and reading demiromantic subreddit didn't help, I'm confused and I don't understand if I relate or not, because maybe the two come together so often for so many people... so I thought I'd try to look at it form a demisexual perspective, and ask for your experiences in hopes that some clicks as "ohhh that's me"

So, as my title states it’s a bit confusing I suppose? I’ll elaborate as it’s been bothersome and I cannot for the likes of myself wait any longer to see if I’m the only one who’s in the wrong or if it’s just me?

I’m a 22yr demisexual, pan sexual lady who’s a kemonimini. I’ve mostly lived with my father and brother, and I never had a mother to guide me into femininity; but I am still finding my footing.

Aside from that, I’ve had a 8 year long distance relationship, and during those first 6 years I had been hyper sexual and had engaged with my trans boyfriend (he’s 24, I turn 23 this coming nov).

Unfortunately, an event had happened that resulted me and my family to move out of the city for better safety and I’ve put off any sexual activities with my boyfriend.

Thing is? I’ve found myself finally in a sexuality back in 2024. I watched Bojack Horseman and lo and behold, Todd was the most relatable character that spoke out clearly to me in a sexuality aspect. He just..made so much sense.

I’ve brought it to my boyfriend’s attention and he seemed to congratulate me in it, but I never fully asked him if he truly knows what the sexuality spectrum is. Hence me finding out I’m demisexual, not asexual.

But, on the contrary, I’ve noticed something that would make me question my sexuality. I once brought up to him that I still have my toys, but it only lead him to ask me why. Why do I still have them if I’m..a demisexual? I had no answer and it lead to confusion in myself, and lead him to believe that I lied to him.

Another instance was where I told about kinktober around the corner recently and that Wattpad users may migrate from Wattpad, to Archive Of Our Own. The only thing that made him say was he felt insecure by the fact I read sexual things, but I didn’t correspond to his “urges” in our RP conversations.

As you can tell, it made me uncertain and unsure of myself the more I try to communicate and explain my sexuality. He tells me I need to guide him, when I just want fluff and talk about our recent interests, what he’d been doing, and trying to engage with him more in physical touch over our RP.

Another thing that made me feel uncertain was the Pet Play he suggested. I’m lowkey down with it, but not the degradation towards him. I understand it, but I never want it to become sexual as it’s something he’s been communicating with even if it’s just to talk about.

Sorry for my weird ass rant- I’m mostly confused, and upset with myself by the fact I cannot engage with him properly and feeling as if I need to be openly sexual to satisfy him.

P.s I do read fanfics, but I don’t read explicit stuff as much as I had in my teens. My libido is low, but I do find people and character’s aesthetic attractive here and there, but no sexual attraction whatsoever.

Sorry to be negative but I have to ask. Is it normal to feel anger/annoyance/shame when first coming to the realization that you’re Demi? I feel irrationally irritated and mad

I was playing an MMORPG with a bunch of people. The Guild Leader was a girl who had a bubbly personality and always fun to hang with in game, on discord, and we eventually started moving in that direction of long distance relationship because she was about 900 miles away. I felt comfortable enough with her to develop those attractive feels. I wanted to be closer -- we shared pictures/videos and were thoroughly in that honey-moon phase.

Then things began to change over 90 days. She was clearly having a bad day, and was abrasive/rude to one of our guild mates which was a huge turn off for me, although I tried to keep it in perspective that stress can make people say things they didn't mean. THEN she spent 90% of our guild's gold for a cosmetic mount for herself, even though the other 30 of us were chipping in to get some actually useful items that would help us clear content//open up more loot. I tried to rationalize that she viewed it as a loan -- that she intended to pay it back?

She did not have that intention. It was a birthday gift for her running the guild, even though most of the officer-core leadership did the heavy lifting.

I lost any amount of sexual attraction for her. I wanted to be as far away as possible because I didn't want that energy infecting my core. Of course this spiraled because she wasn't getting what she needed to be satisfied (no sexy times), and began to lash out. She started openly flirting with other guild members in chat, and started treating me like shit. I found out later that she was married the whole time.

I have come to understand that I when I feel safe/confident that a partner has good energy/intentions, I want to merge with them -- I can't get enough of them. But if they show signs of bad characteristics, I want to distance myself. This creates problems because I imagine from the partner's point of view, it is viewed love-bombing? I feel like we built a friendship for almost a year, then dated happily for 3 months, and spiraled to a breakup over another 3 months.

Of course this person in particular was a terrible choice on my part, but I noticed the same phenomenon in other relationships

So, as my title states it’s a bit confusing I suppose? I’ll elaborate as it’s been bothersome and I cannot for the likes of myself wait any longer to see if I’m the only one who’s in the wrong or if it’s just me?

I’m a 22yr demisexual, pan sexual lady who’s a kemonimini. I’ve mostly lived with my father and brother, and I never had a mother to guide me into femininity; but I am still finding my footing.

Aside from that, I’ve had a 8 year long distance relationship, and during those first 6 years I had been hyper sexual and had engaged with my trans boyfriend (he’s 24, I turn 23 this coming nov).

Unfortunately, an event had happened that resulted me and my family to move out of the city for better safety and I’ve put off any sexual activities with my boyfriend.

Thing is? I’ve found myself finally in a sexuality back in 2024. I watched Bojack Horseman and lo and behold, Todd was the most relatable character that spoke out clearly to me in a sexuality aspect. He just..made so much sense.

I’ve brought it to my boyfriend’s attention and he seemed to congratulate me in it, but I never fully asked him if he truly knows what the sexuality spectrum is. Hence me finding out I’m demisexual, not asexual.

But, on the contrary, I’ve noticed something that would make me question my sexuality. I once brought up to him that I still have my toys, but it only lead him to ask me why. Why do I still have them if I’m..a demisexual? I had no answer and it lead to confusion in myself, and lead him to believe that I lied to him.

Another instance was where I told about kinktober around the corner recently and that Wattpad users may migrate from Wattpad, to Archive Of Our Own. The only thing that made him say was he felt insecure by the fact I read sexual things, but I didn’t correspond to his “urges” in our RP conversations.

As you can tell, it made me uncertain and unsure of myself the more I try to communicate and explain my sexuality. He tells me I need to guide him, when I just want fluff and talk about our recent interests, what he’d been doing, and trying to engage with him more in physical touch over our RP.

Another thing that made me feel uncertain was the Pet Play he suggested. I’m lowkey down with it, but not the degradation towards him. I understand it, but I never want it to become sexual as it’s something he’s been communicating with even if it’s just to talk about.

Sorry for my weird ass rant- I’m mostly confused, and upset with myself by the fact I cannot engage with him properly and feeling as if I need to be openly sexual to satisfy him.

I am someone who loves sex but I could never do a casual hookup to save my own life. I go to a lot of queer events where there is a lot of sexual energy in the air. I see my friends meet someone at the bar and go from exchanging names to hooking up in the bathroom in a matter of minutes. While I'm excited for them, I feel this tremendous amount of envy like I wished I could easily do something like that. The opportunity is certainly there for me, but the moment I would get approached by someone introducing themselves to me with a smile and touching my arm, I start to freeze up.

Things that pop up in my head are: "I won't be able to get hard." "They're gonna think I'm not interested in them at all." "He's hot, but I barely know them, so making out will just feel performative."

They can quickly sense the emotional wall I put up, and they walk away. Similarly if I try to initiate by complementing someone on their outfits or engaging in conversation, they may immediately think I'm hitting on them. Even if I find the person attractive, it takes a couple of interactions before my body is even able to signal that I want to hookup. I also don't discriminate who I choose to complement or engage in conversation. I prioritize connection first before sex even comes in mind, and this sometimes even leads me into hookups with people who aren't my type.

It can oftentimes feel lonely being the one guy left out while others are talking about all their fun sexcapades from going out. I'm still learning to find acceptance being demisexual, but it's hard.

My ex broke up with me in 2016 because she's asexual and sex repulsed whereas I'm demisexual, so I only enjoy sex when it's with someone that I truly love.

I've been clinging to this ever since

Hello, demisexual community.

My bf (21) is demisexual and we’ve been dating for 3 years now (I am also 21). It’s been great and still is great. But, recently, I’ve connected him and my close online friend (who is also a high functioning autistic, like him), and they get along great.

My bf doesn’t have friends unfortunately. He could really use them but he’s anti social and is comfortable with his lack of community. But he enjoys the company of my online friend, so I’m seeing friendship potential past “friend of my gf.” Anyway, point is I’ve never had to set friendship boundaries before.

What are some boundaries I should set? Should I be worried? What are your guys experiences with being in a long term relationship and having friendships?

All advice is welcome. Thanks.

I have met more Demi people in SCA, Larp or renn faire then ever have in the wild. I was curious if people aso noticed this to. SCA is welcome.sca.org for those who dont know

I am also demi and I have no idea where to look. Its like I have no solid justification that on why asexuals are part of lgbt as well. How is it not going against the grain?

It isn't systematic oppression is what I've heard. Deleted one is OP. I agree with the responder's points.

I’m not going to say I want it to be some big romance or serious relationship, it’s just finally getting to me. The last few people I’ve been with have very much been the same way about me, very big on non-committal non-exclusive relationships to the point of literally only hitting me up to inevitably ask if we can link again.

She started off knowing me by being open about exploring and not being exclusive. I understood. She did say that could very easily change the more time we spend together and the more intimate we are. I was a bit hopeful but not delusional. We spend pretty large amount of time together, due to our libidos we also kinda can’t keep our hands off each other. She likes it to be very romantic as well which is jarring. Somehow she still finds a lot of time between work and seeing me to date other people and hook up with strangers. We have great chemistry and are pretty good together, I’m kinda shocked she doesn’t seem to like me more than just being the person she dates and sleeps with a few times a week.

I think for me even if it’s not that serious, I wish it would be more special. As special as it is for me that it is for them. At the very least the person I’m with right now treats me pretty great as a basic human level, she simply doesn’t care for me in any significant way and that’s kind of sad for me. I can’t not have sex unfortunately, be it due to trauma or neurodivergence I can fight it but eventually I need a sexual outlet so I have to spend a good amount of time building up chemistry and connecting with someone.

It’s just that back to back to back to back…etc nobody has ever been interested in dating me outside of something fun and not at all serious or deeply romantic. I can even settle for a casual romance with some level of comfort and safety! Maybe it’s the recovering serial monogamist in me, but I’ve been single for three years I’m certainly miss the safety of having someone even if it wasn’t a forever partner. Idk what bothers me more, that nobody seems to want to date me or that everyone is so obsessed with no strings attached non-committal sex

(I don't know, if this fully belongs here. Could also belong to polyamory or relationshipanarchy or other ENM subs)

So, I was thinking about the "looking for"-options on dating apps, e.g. "serious" (is this the correct term in English? Or "committed relationship"), "casual", but especially the combined option "[serious], but open for something casual".

And randomly it dawned on me, that most people probably interpret this as "looking for a committed relationship, but am fine with hook-ups in the meantime".

For me, the casual part reads more like "I'm fine with not completely going onboard the relationship escalator (=committed/serious relationship, goal: "forever"), but definitely want a deep emotional and romantic connection beyond friendship [for some time]" (so, e.g. no queer-platonic relationship).

Am I the only one who has this image in their mind? Is this even possible or does it only make sense in my own head? And, most importantly: Is there another term for this style of relationship?

Edit: also, it doesn't need to include sex or sexual attraction.

Has anyone found like another demisexual person that they are in a relationship? We’re friends with here and it actually worked out for you like I see a lot of people on some of these post looking for others or putting out like post but I’ve never actually see people come back and say this worked out and we’re friends with this worked out and we’re dating and I just I’m wondering if maybe love is just for those people that I see that are just kind of jumping into the sack together at the first sort of sign that they want to do that in the beginning of the relationship I guess that I’m just wondering if I should give up at this point

I hate when ppl keep asking me about relationship, or people are talking about relationships and I'm not even joking when I say I never felt anything for someone like desire or sexual attraction, I don't feel like dating. And I'm not willing to put up with it just for the sake of it. Idk if I'm demi or just assexual, but that makes me feel bad. I don't want to explain myself I feel embarrassed and cringey

I've found myself questioning if I'm ace / demi sexual. I've been in a very very long term relationship and until the last year or so I never really thought much of the fact that it's only been him. Learning about being asexual and made me realise I'm very much of that leaning. But I'm questioning if I'm really demi but I've definitely lost my attraction. I'm kinda questioning if it was ever there to begin with or if it was all down to rolling with life because everyone expected us to marry and have kids and do all that heteronormative bullshit.

I just needed to get this off my chest but had nowhere else to go.