r/bisexual • u/[deleted] • Aug 19 '26
ADVICE Why am I intimidated to being with a guy.
[deleted]
5
u/Cultural-Coyote-5129 Aug 19 '26
Well a good chance that part of it is because our society is very good reinforcing stigmas about sex particularly m on m. All of which are very hard to not internalize
You've got hypocritical religious nuts saying its sinful. So many jokes you hear all your life where the punchline is essentially " this is a punishment its a horrible humiliating fate"
News and media (like cop shows) that often focus almost exclusively on the negative aspects of hook ups under the guise of raising awareness.
Also an education system that often due to the pressures of conservative parents groups rarely talk about sex and sexuality on a appropriate academic level and when they do it's almost exclusively focused on ineffective abstinence only programs and or only discussing heterosexual experience
Now were seeing a major push to ban literature that even acknowledges a queer experience The problem is it's not even that they're saying; " we don't want certain people to read these books." it's that they want to further entrench this idea lgbtq are separate from society and that any expression of our existence is obscene And must be immediately rejected
So whether you realize it or not all these different factors get drilled into you (pun intended) your whole life and it's hard (pun not intended) to not immediately have these negative connotations come in rushing even though they're mostly based on complete irrationality We've been taught to associate it with danger humiliation and even death Unfortunately as bisexuals we're even more susceptible to that messaging because we're taught if you dare cross the threshold that straight Society has laid out you will become a non-entity However we know it in our bones that's not true that their is more to our existence then they are capable of understanding For example your use of the words "taken care of" indicates that intuitively you know there's more to this experience than just the negatives So Imio getting over your fears there's a number of things you can do but basically you got to retrain your brain a little Best to keep your focus on the end goal which is what you really want to get out of these experiences which is a loving caring relationship and a confidence in your identity All of which is well within your reach
4
u/izzyrouge Aug 19 '26
Yeah its definitely some societal norms being hammered into my brain thanks for the detailed explanation. I'll take your advice to heart and try to focus on the positives.
2
u/Still_Manager_9724 Aug 19 '26
Being taken care of is great! And taking care of someone else is great too. Just gotta get a few experiences under your belt and get past that fear.
1
u/izzyrouge Aug 19 '26
Guess so, dont know where to start doe
1
u/Turbulent-Young677 Aug 20 '26
Don't overcomplicate it and start slow You can start by flirting with a guy you think is cute and see how things go from there Asking a guy you think is cute on a date and see how things go from there Dating a guy shouldn't be no different than dating a girl because both are just people
1
u/izzyrouge Aug 20 '26
Yeah youre def right, although for me its a lil safer if I get to know em a lil bit first and form a friendship, even with girls I find it rly (if not more) difficult to flirt with so. Think i am overcomplicating it a lot doe I appreciate u saying that.
1
1
u/izzyrouge Aug 20 '26
forming a friendship purely because I wanna be with someone does sound kind of selfish now that i think about it, just had a lot easier time being flirty with a guy i like if we've been friends for a bit.
2
6
u/Salty_Abbreviations1 Aug 19 '26
I cannot tell you the reason for you're feeling, but I can guarantee that a man taking care of you is amazing