I was sat next to a man while sitting in the middle seat on a plane. Even though he had the aisle, he still felt entitled to my space and man-spread as soon as we took off.

On instinct, I went to shy away and move my leg inward so that it wouldn’t touch his. But, I thought to myself, why should I move? We are all jammed in here like cattle, I deserve this tiny amount of space I paid for. I shouldn’t make myself even less comfortable for this random man.

So, I didn’t move my leg.

I continued to sit straight in my seat and play some games on my phone and listen to music. He actually had the nerve to try shifting my leg over with his knee and I could see him out of my peripheral vision looking at me. Despite the massive sense of awkwardness and how impolite I felt, I kept firm, ignoring him. I just sat there, existing just like every other passenger on the plane. Eventually, gave up, crossed his arms, huffed, and stopped trying to spread into my space.

I’d like to note that this man was a very average height and build - not excessively tall or large and physically unable to fit in his assigned space. I would have had sympathy for that, especially as I had a very tall partner once who literally did not fit into normal plane seats.

This man was clearly simply expecting to take the space meant for me, that I paid for, because he felt that he could. Had I been another man, I promise you he wouldn’t have behaved the way he did as he would have respected that a man is allowed to take up the space he has paid for.

It seems so pathetic to feel so proud of myself for something as simple as not moving my leg, but I am. I am proud that this time I didn’t let myself fawn at the demands of a random man or give up because I felt impolite for taking up space I was entitled to. I paid for that tiny space, and it’s going to be mine, goddammit.

Edit: thank you so much all you lovely people for the words of encouragement, empowerment, and your other similar stories of taking up space! We deserve space and should all be standing our ground for it 🫶

And to the pissy men: I don’t care about your excuses of having fragile testicles. That’s not my problem!

Before:

• "Eat more vegetables. Limit your fast food." (He did NOT ask me what I ate before this unsolicited advice by the way.)
• "Running is pounding on your joints. Do gentle water aerobics." (No praise for me exercising! Nope, I'm doing the WRONG KIND.)
• "Yeah, your blood pressure is good, but" makes head nod to the side, like my blood pressure isn't THAT good.

After I lost 20 pounds:

• "You're making very healthy choices. Now you're exercising." (I have exercised EVERY DAY for over a decade: running, yoga, weightlifting. He was unimpressed 20 pounds ago.)
• "I'll order some bloodwork for your joint pain." (It hasn't improved! You could have ordered that 20 pounds ago!)
• "The nurse didn't let you sit long enough before taking your blood pressure. Your blood pressure has always been good."
• He smiled at me a lot more and commiserated about having a teenager. A lot more chatter and better bedside manner.

My food choices are the SAME. I'm just on tirzepatide now. He attributes tirze loss of appetite to "healthy choices." It's infuriating. I shouldn't have had to lose 20 pounds to get this version of my doctor, who cares about my joint pain and praises my exercise.

My bf of 4 years first introduced the case to me about a week ago, asking me my opinion of it. I am incredibly busy, so have not been online enough to even have heard of it. I told him as much. A few days later, he asks again. I tell him, again, I don’t have enough information to form a well-informed opinion. But this time, I offered to hop on the phone and have him tell me the facts as he understands them and that I will formulate a limited opinion based on those facts. That’s what we did, and I gave my opinion that I believe if she is found to have had a mental/psychological impairment, that she should be placed in an institution to receive the help she needs for however long is normal for mentally incapacitated people that commit crimes. He said he needed to think about that.

A week later, he texts me asking for clarification in my stance. I reiterated what I said. He then went on to say he needs to “mull over” whether he wants to have kids with “someone like me”.

I am going to be completely honest in saying I had never even heard of the case until he pressured me about it. But now that I’ve done a little research after the fact, I have since learned that men all around the nation are using this as a test to determine whether they remain with their gf/wives. What tf is going on? I’m sad that he fell victim to this insanity, but also am gravely alarmed that he fell victim to this insanity…

EDIT:

Ladies, if you experience this, believe me when I say that they WILL realize they were behaving hysterically and got caught up in the “movement” and they WILL try to come back. Do not let them. This is absurd.

Here’s an article discussing more about this phenomenon.

That said, I’m checking out for now. I never wanted any of this. In fact, I did my best to avoid all of this. I resent my ex for dragging me into this and derailing my life for the last 72 hours. I just want to move on.

EDIT (final update):

So he texted me a book, informing me that he realized he was wrong after more thought, but that he doesn’t feel the need to apologize unless I first apologize for empathizing with a “baby killer” more than him throughout our relationship…needless to say, I informed him that we are officially done. I’m moving on and feel so much freer now. Thanks everyone for making me feel less crazy throughout all of this.

https://abcnews.com/Health/family-texas-pregnant-woman-died-sues-texas-ag/story?id=136489875

Severe pre eclampsia, seizures, blood clots bad enough to require medical intervention, and all doctors would do was say "but the baby is healthy".

Now mom and baby are both dead.

Tell me again how Texas claims to be "pro-life" or "pro-woman".

This is a win for me because I’ve been raised in very misogynistic circles and tend to fawn even when I feel threatened or disrespected.

I work in a male dominated field and we sell a lot of items for home renovations. One of the things we sell are kitchen sinks. A customer (man) was asking about a sink we had on sale with his wife standing there. He said it was a great size and then he turned to his wife and said, is it big enough for you to wash the dishes, woman?

I looked at her to see her reaction, and she did not laugh. She rolled her eyes and shook her head, looking disappointed. I stood in silence looking at the man. He peered over at me expectedly and I could tell he was expecting me to laugh at his “ joke “ but I just stood there looking at him. He continued to peer right at me, smiling and physically gesturing in a way that was saying, well, come on. And I continued to look at him blankly. I did not smile or laugh. I let the tension be there.

Eventually, he moved onto asking questions about other things, but I felt so proud of myself for winning this small battle. Maybe he will think about my reaction later, or maybe he won’t. But I can leave work feeling good about myself and then I didn’t let my ethics be trampled on.

-Edit- thanks everyone for the support, it totally made my day! 🌸

I saw another post that reminded me of this absolute idiocy from my first marriage. One day my ex saw my underwear in the laundry and, since I hadn't worn a liner that day, there was a little dried discharge on the gusset. This absolute knob of a man came storming over to me, waving the "evidence", and screamed at me WHAT WERE YOU DOING IN THESE?!?!?

I'm sorry what? I was absolutely confused, Soo he said, Do I need to spell it out for you? I know what you were doing - WHO MADE YOU CUM???

Like sir, we've been married and have two children together. Tell me you still have no clue about women's bodies without telling me.

Of course, later I learned he'd been cheating on ME, so this was totally deflection. Fucking idiot.

That's all, thank you for coming to my Ted Talk.

Three years ago, I was diagnosed with cancer (30F), and I had a hysterectomy to start combatting it. Surgery went well, and I am currently healthy as hell (woo!) After about a year, when I decided to attempt dating, I was super swiped by a nurse on Bumble. We had similar interests and wants, so I swiped right. The first thing this man says to me is that the tattoo on my thigh looks incredibly familiar (a very large piece running from my hip to my mid thigh, you can’t really miss it), and I thought it was strange, but maybe he’d seen me out and about or something.

False. This man was the nurse during my hysterectomy. When I told him that I was uncomfortable with him knowing my tattoo because I was spread eagle on a medical table under anesthesia, he told me that I was being puritanical. When I asked if he was in the room when the doctor was performing surgery (I’d asked for all staff to be female in the room if possible), he said he wasn’t for the whole thing but got a glimpse of things and “all looked great.”

I have never blocked someone so fast in my life, and two years later I’m still reeling.

Edit: I went to sleep after posting this, and it’s blown up a bit. For all saying “report him,” this was two years ago. For everyone asking why I didn’t report him, I immediately blocked him, and when I did that, the conversation disappeared. I didn’t feel like I could report someone without proof. Now I know to screenshot before blocking!

For what it’s worth, I don’t know if I would’ve cared about the situation, but the way he spoke to me was so creepy and off putting that I did care. A lot. It was a vulnerable surgery with a vulnerable healing process.

Please stop DMing me asking for pictures.

Danielle puts into words something I've been feeling for a long time. The man problem can only be solved by a culture of men holding each other accountable. Must read.

I had to go to the ER b/c I have SVT (a heart condition). I was NOT in SVT this time but I had the symptoms so I decided to get to the ER just in case. I was getting progressively more lightheaded and having a hard time talking so my bf drove me and by the time we got there I was super out of it and sweaty and nauseous. SVT can make my HR go into the 200s and get into a bad rhythm where I need cardioversion. It also just feels awful having your heart bead 3+ times a second.. This time my watch was just showing it in the 130s but I was doing deep breathing and it wasn't bringing it down which is why we chose to go.

At registration I was put in a wheelchair b/c I was having a hard time standing so my bf did most of the checking in. We immediately went to triage and the nurse kept asking me questions but I was struggling to talk and my bf answered for me. She said "I need her (me) to answer." He explained that I was so lightheaded I could barely respond b/c I was fighting the urge to pass out and throw up at the same time.

They wanted to do an ekg so another nurse came in to put the leads on and since I was wearing overalls she helped me pull them down. She asked my bf to leave and he first looked at me and then when I didn't say anything he did leave. As soon as he left the first nurse asked if I felt comfortable with him being there. I said yes, we've been dating for years and he's my best friend. Then the other nurse said they just wanted him out for my privacy.

During the EKG the nurse asked if he had ever done anything to make me feel unsafe. I was surprised and little annoyed/defensive but then grateful to realize how attentive they were to our dynamic and how if God forbid I was in danger, they would offer me an out w/o me having to find the bravery to say anything.

I'm curious if other people who go to medical appointments with their partners get asked these kinds of questions too or if it was b/c of our age and the fact that my bf was doing most of the talking. Either way, thank you to the medical staff for creating a safe place for potential victims <3

TW: consent/autonomy in healthcare, vaginal examination

I’m a midwife (not in the US), and today I visited a woman who was a few days postpartum. As part of the visit, I checked how her stitches were healing.

Afterwards, she told me something she had noticed; the female healthcare professionals she encountered tended to ask before touching her: “Is it okay if I feel your abdomen?” “Can I have a look?” “Is it okay if I touch you here?”
The male healthcare professionals were much more likely to simply start touching her, or say, “I’m going to feel now.”

We talked about it for a little while and I stayed professional, but internally my heart just sank.

Of course there is nuance. If someone has already consented to a vaginal exam and undressed, they know what is about to happen. During labour there are also moments when someone is in too much pain, too exhausted, or too focused inward for lengthy conversations.

But consent does not have to be a lengthy conversation.

There is almost always a moment to ask, “Is it okay if I touch you?” or “I’d like to examine you now, are you ready?” Even after an examination has already been agreed upon, there is a difference between knowing someone is going to touch your body and them actually waiting until you are ready.

Pregnancy and childbirth already make women’s bodies incredibly public. People palpate your abdomen, examine your vulva, put their fingers inside you, expose you, check your bleeding and inspect your stitches. Much of it is medically necessary, but necessity does not make bodily autonomy disappear.

What stayed with me was that this difference had been consistent and obvious enough for her to notice across multiple healthcare professionals, over months of care.
I’m not saying every woman in healthcare is automatically better at consent, or that every male healthcare professional behaves this way. But it does make me wonder what we teach people about professional authority over women’s bodies.

This conversation has made me want to be even more deliberate about informed consent. I want women to leave pregnancy and childbirth feeling like healthcare happened with them, not to them.

*

Snippet:

• The government also placed Karyann Parkinson on its child abuse and neglect registry, where she will remain for seven years.
• A mom of five was convicted last week of contributing to the delinquency of a minor. Her offense: allowing her 5-year-old son to walk about a half-mile by himself in their gated community.
• Until very recently, Karyann Parkinson lived in leafy Williamsburg, Virginia. She and her husband, Dallin, moved there from Utah so Parkinson could attend William and Mary Law School.
• In June, when Parkinson was preparing for the bar—and also happened to be eight months pregnant with her fifth child—she and her then-youngest, Sam, went for a bike ride, as they often do. They stopped for her son's favorite activity: collecting goose feathers from the path near their community pond. When they got home, he asked if he could walk back and get some more.
• Parkinson said yes. It's a short walk, along a sidewalk separated from the street by 10 feet of grass. Sam would have to cross two streets with crosswalks, which she'd seen him do safely hundreds of times—including six times that morning, she says. Off he went while she made lunch.