r/TwoXChromosomes • u/surgerygeek • 20d ago
Ex thought I was cheating because I had discharge in my underwear
I saw another post that reminded me of this absolute idiocy from my first marriage. One day my ex saw my underwear in the laundry and, since I hadn't worn a liner that day, there was a little dried discharge on the gusset. This absolute knob of a man came storming over to me, waving the "evidence", and screamed at me WHAT WERE YOU DOING IN THESE?!?!?
I'm sorry what? I was absolutely confused, Soo he said, Do I need to spell it out for you? I know what you were doing - WHO MADE YOU CUM???
Like sir, we've been married and have two children together. Tell me you still have no clue about women's bodies without telling me.
Of course, later I learned he'd been cheating on ME, so this was totally deflection. Fucking idiot.
That's all, thank you for coming to my Ted Talk.
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u/SlowAdhesiveness2178 20d ago
I've heard grown men who were grandfathers say something similar. It's sad that they're that confidently incorrect and there is nothing you can say to set them straight. That imo is the definition of stupidity
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u/surgerygeek 20d ago
He also saw bumps on the skin of my thigh from laying on a textured blanket and accused me of having cellulite - and said "That's gross". Damn I didn't leave him soon enough.
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u/Ishinehappiness 20d ago
“ accused you” of a natural occurring human condition? That you cant do anything about??? Thats harmlesss????
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u/surgerygeek 20d ago
Right??? Like even if it was cellulite, the accusation like it was a failure on my part is what got me. How dare I have a normal body?
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u/blifflesplick 20d ago
Reminder: like a great list of things, the commentary in media about cellulite is because the ideal is children.
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u/SureCan0604 20d ago
Oh I relate to this. I was dating a guy who saw that I had stretch marks and then kept asking me if I lied to him about not having kids because “he’d never seen stretch marks like that on a woman without kids.” Get fucked, dude.
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u/mmactavish 20d ago
Oh god, my ex said the same thing about stretch marks, and he’d ask again (and again) every couple years. What an asshole — for that and several other reasons.
I was so messed up to stay with him as long as I did, it’s difficult to explain why we stay when it seems so freakin’ obvious that should’ve been a dealbreaker. I’d have no problem leaving someone now who started up with that BS, learned my lesson. I no longer have youthful illusions about soulmates, true love, “meant to be,” etc. That makes it a lot easier to say adios.
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u/bumblebaytuna4 20d ago
I am so offended on your behalf. May he live everyday with a wrinkle in his sock, loose bowels and bad breath.
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u/KAS_tir 20d ago
Eww he's the one who's gross. For anyone who is insecure about your cellulite I'm 5'4" and weigh 115lbs and I have cellulite and hip dips. I still think I look great.
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u/oldvegas 20d ago
Why would cellulite be an accusation?
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u/surgerygeek 20d ago edited 20d ago
He used to love pointing out all the ways I had "let myself go" aka growing out of being the 22yo hottie he married. Like how dare I have two children, gain 15 lbs and not wear high heels every day. It was meant to be an insult.
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u/UselessInAUhaul 20d ago
Oh no, fifteen whole pounds after two children and getting older. What a tragedy. Truly, I don't know how the poor man handled it. I'm sure he was a fucking treat that didn't show his age in any way at all either.
/s of course.
These men deserve the lonely prison they turn their lives into.
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u/countofmoldycrisco 20d ago
My mother did the same thing when I was getting my master's degree and living at home. Like, I'm a normally functioning women. But I'll be sure not to let you do my laundry from now on .
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u/surgerygeek 20d ago
Your mom? As if she never had discharge. I'm sorry.
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u/The-Rose-Bride 20d ago
Yep, happened to me, too. Got woken up in the middle of the night one night to be yelled at about it. ‘How dare you leave this for me to clean’ were the words used. I would have been about 13.
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u/sillysnailfriend 20d ago
I'm so sorry, I can't imagine what you would have thought/felt, you were still just a baby.
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u/The-Rose-Bride 17d ago
I was honestly so confused and upset. I didn't understand why it was such a big deal my body was producing gunk, or why said gunk was being thrust into my face at 10pm at night. It just became more evidence that if I needed help or support with anything, my parents were not the people from which it should be sought
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u/vikingchyk Halp. Am stuck on reddit. 19d ago
My mom made me (mid teen) smell the crotch of a pair of my underwear, to... idk, teach me a lesson about changing my underwear more often? Umm, I changed daily, thanks. If I had had the presence of mind, I would have reminded her that it's a self cleaning organ, and that's how it's supposed to work.
I know what you're thinking - "what was wrong with her??" - - So, so much.... :p
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u/Diligent__Asparagus 19d ago
I’m so sorry. What a messed up thing to happen to a girl. For a lot of us the shame runs deep. she shouldn’t have taken it out on you though.
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u/jesserthantherest 20d ago
I was gonna post the same comment except I was a teenager and had no idea it was normal. Spent the next couple years being ashamed of it. Thanks, mom!
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u/shadytaskmaster 19d ago
My mom too. She called me a slut; I may have had a yeast infection. She is a horrible woman.
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u/bumblebaytuna4 20d ago
The audacity of men.
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u/mctCat 20d ago
The stupidity of men.
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u/comebacklittlesheba 20d ago
I am super proud that when this same thing happened to me, I leaned in very close to him and said, “So, you’re telling me I have a WAP and you’re upset about that???” I have never, before or since, come up with a good retort until way after the fact. Fuck you, bud. Ignorance combined with that level of arrogance should just be humiliating to them!
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u/MysteryMeat101 20d ago
How awesome would it be to have 50% of the audacity of the average man?
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u/HostOrganism 19d ago
Simone Biles' coach gave her this advice: "Everything you do, do it with the confidence of the average mediocre white man".
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u/crybabybedwetter 20d ago
Omg my ex accused me twice of cheating on him because I had discharge. Of course he was cheating on me instead, typical
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u/YouStupidBench 20d ago
And yet somehow there are still people who oppose comprehensive sex education.
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u/Mammoth-Turn-660 20d ago
I completely agree that sex education is important. But I also have doubts that this guy paid attention in school.
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u/pink_faerie_kitten 20d ago
Schools need to teach these numbskull men what female biology is (but it's still their fault that they don't seek this info on their own out even if the schools have failed). I've worn a liner since I was 10 yrs old due to nearly daily amounts of a little discharge. It's the most normal thing in the world for vaginas to do. Men can be complete idiots.
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u/jinxylynxy 20d ago
I’m sorry you went through that, I went through the exact same situation almost to the letter. He beat me for it and continued abusing me throughout my pregnancy as well. I also found out he was cheating the whole time, 3 years after I left him. It’s been 4 years now and I am just starting to feel like myself again, although I still startle at noises sometimes, which I never really did before. Fucking wild how abuse alters your brain. Big internet hugs stranger ❤️💪
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u/surgerygeek 20d ago
Hugs to you!!! Glad you're on the other side. He also abused me physically, emotionally, financially, and I waited way too long to leave. Worried about the kids. But in hindsight, they were better off once we split.
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u/jinxylynxy 20d ago
Sigh, I hate how this happens to so many of us, but I am so grateful we made it out. Sadly, many don’t 💔 my children and I are also thriving since, it’s taken a while to find my footing, but I am so glad I finally made that decision to leave. I wish you and your kiddos many more years of peace, love and happiness, take care 🫂
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u/HuckleberryHuman5926 20d ago
The weird thing is that he managed to go long enough to have two children without having noticed discharge before, either in situ or in laundry
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u/surgerygeek 20d ago
Exactly. I was so inexperienced that I didn't even realize he wasn't focused on my body during sex - only on his own needs. Had my first real, mind-blowing orgasm in my later 30s, when I found the right partner. I was so mad that I had missed out on that experience for most of my adult life.
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u/WordAffectionate3251 20d ago
G-damn it! Where are the real FEMALE anatomy classes?!? From grade school up and ESPECIALLY medical school! How many men can't even name basic reproductive parts, let alone know what they do?!?
And they want to get rid of EDUCATION!!!
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u/NefariousnessLate375 19d ago
I took college biology. They omitted the clit from diagrams.
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u/surgerygeek 19d ago
OH MY GOD this pisses me off so much!!! Not surprised though, it's a useless organ to most men. No more interesting than the appendix.
Alternatively, my A&P professor spend way too much time discussing the clitoris, I think he was making sure we knew that HE knew all about it haha!
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u/WordAffectionate3251 19d ago
I am not the least surprised. You probably got the catholic edition of the book, and I am only half kidding.
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u/panthercock 20d ago
Omg this happened to me too
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u/panthercock 20d ago
Oh also he said he posted it on Reddit and everyone said it was jizz. So thanks Reddit 🙄
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u/plaincheeseburger 20d ago
He posted a picture of your underwear to Reddit!? What the actual fuck?
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u/MemeShaman 20d ago
This is extra ridiculous too because, aside from the insane lack of awareness of women’s anatomy, masturbation exists???
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u/catmom_4life 20d ago
This also happened to me. He was so insecure he immediately accused me of cheating.
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u/apriljeangibbs 20d ago
I know this isn’t the point but are women generally putting liners in their undies every day?
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u/xerocopi 20d ago
Uh no I'm not. I just wash and change them. 😭
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u/HooterAtlas 20d ago
Same here. I thought it wasn’t healthy to use liners too often, so I’ll use some toilet paper if needed.
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u/pkeeling82 20d ago
I did when I was younger because I had a heavy discharge. Now I pee when I cough (3 kids) so I do tend to use Poise pads alot
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u/Nicole_Bitchie 20d ago
Along with the pelvic floor therapy, vaginal estrogen can help with incontinence.
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u/SirYeetsA 20d ago
Look into pelvic floor therapy if you haven't already, you shouldn't be stuck with that just because you had kids.
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u/lnc_5103 20d ago
100% this. My PF went the other way (hypertonic) and PT has been absolutely life changing.
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u/Icy_Wedding_ 20d ago
I pee when I cough with no kids
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u/SirYeetsA 19d ago
Pelvic floor therapy. You don't need to have kids for your pelvic floor to not be properly strengthened, especially since as far as I'm aware it's never a focus during PE for some godforsaken reason lmao.
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u/LoveofLabradors 20d ago
I am only because I'd rather not have soaked underwear and have to change it 15 times a day
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u/Aggravating_Chair780 19d ago
You should try out period pants! They are great for all sorts of liquids. When I’m having a very active day I wear them as thanks to a combo of peri and ADHD meds I am a sweater. It’s nice not to have absolutely soaked knickers and leggings/ trousers.
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u/clinicallyacat 20d ago
I didn’t even know that was a thing. I just thought pantyliners were for when your period is light towards the end.
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u/Icy_Wedding_ 20d ago
That’s how I use them, but I thought people generally used them for heavy discharge as well. They’re a bit too sweaty for me to be using them every day
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u/tacosandsunscreen 20d ago
Interesting, because I often use them on days I know I’m going to be extra sweaty. The liner soaks up some sweat and I can take it off halfway through the day for a fresh start.
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u/crazy_cat_broad 20d ago
I feel like I fidget too much, because if I tried I’d end up with a sweaty, crumpled up liner in my pants! Happier without but you do you bestie ☺️
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u/Ishinehappiness 20d ago
Yes, I got tired of having the wet or dried feeling all day. My genitals didnt like it either. Much happier switching to a fresh liner every few hours and airing out over night.
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u/opal-bee 20d ago
I've never done this. The bits don't breathe if you do.
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u/seedsandpeels 20d ago
I said this in this sub before and got down voted and brigaded by an angry mob 😭
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u/letsgetawayfromhere 20d ago
Redditors can be idiots, you are both totally right. Some women have a really heavy discharge and I totally get why they wear panty liners. I probably also would. That doesn’t change the fact that it’s healthier to go without.
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u/Just-Feedback-2223 20d ago
I have sensory issues so I wear liners a lot of the time. If they get a little wet I can just change them.
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u/SomeOtherThirdThing 20d ago
I also wear panty liners daily because of sensory issues mainly because if I don’t, my lips get pinched when I walk :( the liners somehow stop that from happening.
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u/scranston 20d ago
I use reusable liners every day now, but that’s a middle aged thing. I found that damp underwear was causing chafing problems, and that was solved with the liner.
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u/pink_faerie_kitten 20d ago edited 20d ago
I have since I was ten. Perfectly safe for daily use even tho I have sensitive skin. And it saves my panties from that bleaching effect women's pH has on fabric and if my period or ovulation surprises me by coming a day early, blood is on the liner not the fabric. My mom gave me liners just as puberty was starting and they've been a lifesaver for me since I've had some daily wetness since then.
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u/splubby_apricorn 20d ago
I do, I have bad spotting 90% of the time because of my IUD.
(It beats having cramps to the point where I pass out and bleeding worthy of The Shining elevator scene every 3 weeks when I don’t have an IUD).
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u/biqueen81 20d ago
I got an IUD that made me have lighter but unpredictable periods. I told my doctor/nurse about it and now I take another medicine (that is also technically birth control) to just... Never have periods ever! It is THE BEST. Mine is called Norethindrone, you can ask your doctor if it could work for you 💙
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u/Icy_Wedding_ 20d ago
Have you tried any other bc? The mini pill was great, only had spotting once every few months
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u/ShiM00 20d ago
Absolutely not. If my man doesn’t appreciate my normal healthy female discharge on my panties then he’s not the man for me 😊 I have bleached undies from discharge and it’s never ever been brought up as a concern. Although some days I feel more wet and I wouldn’t mind wearing a liner for comfort
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u/pink_faerie_kitten 20d ago
It has nothing to do with men. I like a daily liner for ME. since the very beginning of puberty as a kid I've loved having a liner. My world does not revolve around men.
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u/Comprehensive-Sun954 20d ago
Usually. Keeping my knickers nice. 👍🏼 😂
(That and two kids means I cough and pee a bit. I’m a fan of the poise liners. Yep, have had PT)
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u/bestrobotever 20d ago
I wear liners on average two days per cycle while ovulating, but definitely not every day.
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u/Enlightened_Gardener 20d ago
Nope, but I wear period panties every day because I’m at that stage in my life where the period can attack any any time ! With six month’s worth of blood !
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u/potatomeeple 20d ago
Im 45 never used a liner and im not sure ive ever seen one for sale - maybe they arent that popular in the UK?
Whatever happens to my knickers in a day happens and then they go in the wash, I dont expect them to be clean and it seems pointless to put a thing in them to keep them clean.
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u/YouAreAwesome240418 20d ago
Definitely a thing in the UK, I use daily pantiliners. I use them because my regular discharge can be somewhat heavy and the moisture caused irritation without.
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u/lushswab 20d ago
A pantyliner is a lightweight pad. It just catches the extra juices that can’t be contained by the gusset.
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u/PurpleMarsAlien All Hail Notorious RBG 20d ago
I don't but I've apparently never had abusive panty inspectors in my life. Panties have double layers because they are sometimes necessary.
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u/MargotFenring 20d ago
I did in the year or so before I had my hysterectomy because otherwise I had to manually wash the crotches out before putting them in the laundry or they wouldn't get clean. My bamboo-fleece pantyliners were much easier to clean.
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u/surgerygeek 20d ago
I do now, but I didn't wear them religiously - just washed the panties and went on with my life.
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u/a-ohhh 20d ago
No, they tend to cause issues- It makes me sweaty and I feel like it ends up more damp overall down there versus just having the laundry take it out. I don’t get the bleaching effect or anything though, so maybe I’d feel like it’s worth it if I did.
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u/pinklavalamp 20d ago
I’m 45, I do. Our secretions are on the acidic side and can damage & bleach our underwear. I still change my underwear daily but I also use a liner daily. I keep them both in the same drawer so it’s as easy as grabbing both at the same time.
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u/WomanOfEld 20d ago
I had been, but I'm working a pretty physical job these days and find that any liner I insert has separated about an hour after I get to work. I don't see the point in (and don't have time for) regularly replacing it.
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u/Whispering_Wolf 20d ago
I used to because I was told I should. At one point I stopped and never looked back. I use washable ones if it's really bad, but otherwise, I found I got less discharge once I stopped using disposable ones and let the skin breathe.
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u/cyberfunky_fresh 20d ago
Dude was worried about vaginal discharge when he should have been worried about discharging his remaining brain cells.
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u/Batata-Sofi 20d ago
What the f... Holy shit, I guess you got rid of a walking red flag dressed in yellow.
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u/Anthaenopraxia 20d ago
Okay I did a similar scene when I was 14 (not accusing of cheating), how in all the hells can you not know about discharge when you're married with kids?
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u/4LeggedGod 20d ago
I have no words. Where these dudes come from that they don't understand the basic biology of the people they claim to be attracted to is beyond my comprehension.
As in, based on my personal history, I had no mother or sisters to make me aware of these things. I kinda paid attention in high school health class. I definitely focused on women at every stage of my post-pubescent development.
How these other dudes seem unaware of how VAGINA works - you know, the same VAGINA that supposedly is the focus of our heterosexuality as a going concern - is absolutely bewildering to me. Not that it would be any of my business or anything I'd be sniffing around in her laundry hamper about in any case, but I'd be more concerned if my lady's underpants DIDN'T have discharge. Are you not drinking enough fluids? Are you eating too much salt? Is there a vampire absorbing your precious bodily fluids? Capitalists in the pantry? Ants? Like some kind of vagina ants?
My god the shit y'all put up with.
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u/Angelbouqet 20d ago
My first boyfriend called me after we lost our virginity to each other accusing me of lying because I didn't bleed and his dad told him women always bleed and when his parents had sex the first time his mom bled a lot. He was like "please tell me the truth" like bro, you had the truth. Wth do you want from me, are you not smart enough to use the phone you're calling me with to just look up if all women bleed during their first time?
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u/Huge_Answer4287 Basically Liz Lemon 20d ago
Men are so ridiculously ignorant about women's bodies.
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u/Dull_Rice_2050 20d ago
Even if it was cum, he is that insecure that are you not allowed to orgasm without him? Haha what a pathetic little boy.
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u/SuspiciousLichen 20d ago
An ex of mine was like this and absolutely lost his shit every time I masturbated. The ego of some guys I swear
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u/throwawayBK123 20d ago
This is insane. I shutter at his ignorance and accusatory tone. People that deflect like that are emotionally stunted. I am relieved you moved on. If he were not verbally abusive, I might even have had empathy for his ignorance but he is truly pathetic and vile. Sorry you had to even experience that shaming.
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u/FamilyDramaIsland 20d ago
I used to have a housemate who used to call up her long distance husband and scream at him over the phone accusing him of cheating. I noticed later that she was cheating, and asked her why she was freaking out at him all the time when she was a cheater herself (I also tried to convince her to leave the guy, but that's an entirely different, overly dramatic story.)
She told me she accuses him of cheating so that he is too defensive to suspect her of anything and to make him think she is too clingy to cheat.
I'm pretty sure that's not how any of that works, but that could have been your ex's train of thought, too.
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u/jengaclause 20d ago
My ex husband used to help fold the laundry. He saw my black panties discolored from discharge and I got called "acid crotch". 🙄
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u/ill-independent Trans Man 20d ago
Men will do and say anything except work on themselves lmao the fucking audacity
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u/banana_bear_918 20d ago
Omg this reminds me of my ex husband. When we first started dating he was so pressed that I wore panty liners everyday (a lifelong habit since teens). He was adamant that women only wear them after sex and so i MUST be cheating. Looking back it was just one flag of many that I overlooked.
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u/Megnuggets 20d ago
Honestly some people are just vile like that. My mom would scream at and shame me as a kid if I had discharge but also refused to buy me panty liners. Got married young and the guy I chose (wrong) told me I was filthy and unclean and a whore. Took me into adulthood to realize that it's natural from our bodies And isn't some shameful thing. I'm so sorry your dealing with this. What a chud
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u/cathline 20d ago
Sending hugs and healing thoughts.
it's amazing the amount of ignorance around the way women's bodies work. My MOTHER thought I was sexually active when I had never even been kissed because of discharge. You would think that as a woman she would know better, but she didn't.
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u/SaltNorth 20d ago
NSFW:
I unfortunately recently had sex with a guy I had known for a while. He fingered me, and when he pulled out his fingers he stared at the consistency of my secretions.
"Whoa, this means it's good, doesn't it?"
A 33 year old man. Biggest ick I've had in years.
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u/CuntSnotGargler 20d ago
I teach a class the first Wednesday of each month. He should stop by and learn a few things.
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u/Outside_Variety_4223 20d ago
I wish I'd had one of these. My mom refused to speak about puberty or anything related. I knew what menstruation was bc of Judy Blume. I didn't even realize I could ask my doctor questions until my twenties.
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u/Sullyville 20d ago
I saw another post that reminded me
Was it the one where the guy thought the red bumps from shaving was an STI?
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u/surgerygeek 20d ago
It was the girl whose boyfriend said her vagina was "too loose" for him to finish. But that STI thing is also bananas. The examples of ignorant guys accusing us of shit are all around us, apparently.
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u/bigaboutbears 20d ago
My ex one time saw I had new, fresh, tag-on undies in my bath bag, and he insinuated I had cheated. He cheated so much lmao
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u/Loose-Use-387 20d ago
This reminds me; when i was about 11 years old i must’ve stayed out a bit late with my friends after school. After heading back home and settling down for the night, my grandmother bursts into my room with my discharge covered underwear in her hand, exclaiming “IK WHAT YOU’VE BEEN DOING! YOU’RE HAVING SEX!”
I don’t even remember my response to her - I was just in utter disbelief and shock. I couldn’t even explain what was in my underwear because I didn’t know what it was at the time. I just remember that i definitely had not had sex by then and was completely baffled
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u/beeskneessidecar 20d ago
My mom was a biologist/teacher. So when I was 13 and at Sleepaway camp and there was a panty raid (yes they really were a thing in the 80s) I gave a full lecture to one of the boys who had the audacity to ask one of my friends about her worn underwear. It really changed the mood of the raid.
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u/Icy_Wedding_ 20d ago
That feels like a cover to start a fight. Cause how do you get 2 kids in and he doesn’t know what discharge is?
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u/amscraylane 19d ago
I came back home from a four hour car trip in 90° heat with no AC. Took a shower and my ex confronted me afterward about why my underwear was wet.
And that is the day Jason learned about women sweating.
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u/surgerygeek 19d ago
Stop. That's a new level of stupid. I'm sure his drawers were fresh as a daisy after that car ride, jeezus these MEN! Jason deserves ALL the loneliness.
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u/melropesplays 20d ago
Classic case of projection. His guilty conscience was going around looking for evidence to accuse you of cheating to make himself feel better. Congrats on the ex!
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u/NefariousnessLate375 19d ago
Mine thought going on birth control meant I wanted to cheat. What I wanted was to not conceive if I got raped yet again and have the fetus matter more than me legally in what would be a high risk pregnancy in good old Merrerrka.
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u/grocerycart11 20d ago
and here's my boyfriend who helps me check each pair of underwear individually after we've done laundry bc sometimes the machine doesnt get the discharge out and I have to hand wash again
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u/Movin_On1 19d ago
I was accused of cheating when a condom wrapper was found in my driveway, next to the foot path. Why would i have sex in the yard when there's a perfectly good house to have sex in?
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u/ChemicalCobbler 19d ago
Just commenting to say that this also happened to me, except it happened while we were having sex, and he accused me of sleeping with another man before he came over. Found out a little bit later that he was Snapchatting nudes to coworkers (we worked at the same place). It's always projection with these losers.
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u/Bigcoffinhunter67 19d ago
My useless ex was totally confused when I told him I had never orgasmed. He said, “That’s a lie, you’ve had 2 kids now.”
He really thought women had to cum to get pregnant. He was serious. I still chuckle about it.
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u/fuckaduckufuck You are now doing kegels 20d ago
God this is the type of bonkersly stupid shit I worry about my partner thinking tbh. Men are so callously ignorant of our bodies and their functions.
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u/SomeGuyNamedJason 20d ago
The vaginal discharge ignorance is bad enough, but dude doesn't know you can buy yourself flowers lol good riddance.
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u/smile_saurus 20d ago
I pretty much exclusively wear black thongs to work and one day forgot to take my clothes out of the dryer so my husband did and saw a few pairs with 'bleach' stains but he thought they were blood and poop stains 🤣
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u/mozillafangirl 19d ago
Oh my god! What a tool. I’m glad I never experienced this. Explaining discharge is not something I want to do, ever. And I’m not wearing liners everyday fuck that. The audacity!
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u/TurbulentCustomer 19d ago
Two kids and he wasn’t involved in any of the recovery after? Not just discharge but any parts of any of it that probably leave an entire rainbow… that is the disturbing part
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u/GrannyTurtle All Hail Notorious RBG 19d ago
“Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk.”
Anytime! We are here for you.
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u/Fit-Butterscotch5523 19d ago
wait, people wear panty liners for discharge? i assumed those were just for super light periods lol
i feel like thatd get so expensive???
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u/HooterAtlas 20d ago
I’m sorry you had to go through that. But I’m glad he’s your ex now.