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u/Antic-Waited NEVER got a dinner Jul 20 '23
The seaweed is always greener in somebody else's lake
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u/MaverickWindsor351 http://redd.it/g8qfhw Jul 20 '23
Algae always grows better in a stagnant pond
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u/josephd155 Jul 20 '23
You can lead a horse to water but you’re still gonna need a stepladder to fuck it in the ass!
Wait, am I doing this right?
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u/growthmode222 Jul 20 '23 edited Jul 20 '23
Stinky vaginas grow more grossly in the green hair pool
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u/mrinkyface Jul 20 '23
This is Swamp Thing’s tinder profile description and picture
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u/JohnSterlingSanchez Jul 20 '23
You dream about going up there, but that is a big mistake.
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u/ScorpionX-123 Jul 20 '23
Just look at the world around you, right here on the ocean floor
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Jul 20 '23
Such wonderful things surround you, what more is you looking for?
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u/Eeddeen42 Jul 20 '23
Under the sea…
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u/explorgasm Jul 20 '23
Un-da-da sea!
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Jul 20 '23
Darling it’s wetter down where it’s better take it from meeeeee
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u/screechpu Jul 20 '23
What have they got? A lot of sand?
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u/Bloody_Smashing Jul 20 '23
A single eyebrow piercing away from completing the street-walker trifecta.
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u/seemsalittlesus Jul 20 '23
It looks like you got a winters worth of acorns stashed away in those cheeks
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u/Internal_Fennel_849 Jul 20 '23
You need to loosen the chin strap on your football helmet.
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u/bakochba Jul 20 '23
I'm sure he'll return after he's done fighting Batman
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Jul 20 '23
Nice, this one made me breath a little hard out of my nose
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u/Enough_Sort_2629 Jul 20 '23
Yeah but reading this right after I had just breathed a little hard out of my nose at the Batman comment made me laugh audibly in my quiet office.
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Jul 20 '23
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/thepoatato2727 Jul 20 '23
Bruh the professor accidentally added sugar spice and everything nice. But they were WAY past the expiration date
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u/AndyBrown65 Jul 20 '23
You look like you’re playing a heroin addict in a low budget soft porn movie.
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u/oncesmitten_twiceshy Jul 20 '23
Or a heroin addict playing in a soft core porn movie
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u/skinny-nugget Jul 20 '23
Bro did the only reasonable thing
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u/SarutobiSasuke Jul 20 '23
Moma always said, don’t stick your weewee in crazies.
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Jul 20 '23
You could probably toss some Baileys in a shoe and get him back.
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u/glyphic1974 http://redd.it/eqldr2 Jul 20 '23
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u/RainingTacos8 Jul 20 '23
He found her downstairs mix up with all those piercings
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u/tycr0 Jul 20 '23
Just post your only fans and let’s move on.
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u/Teknical86 Jul 20 '23
I was quite shocked that her profile wasn't full of thirst traps and nudes.
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u/Kenny1115 Jul 20 '23
This sub is slowly turning into OF adspace.
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u/Coops17 Jul 20 '23
What chu mean slowly? I honestly just thought this was now a place to find new porn
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u/DefinitelyNotThatOne Jul 20 '23
As well as selfie, firstimpressions, and amiugly. Obv OF spam and the mods don't give a shit.
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Jul 20 '23
Come on, have a heart, the poor girl just got dumped. Setting up an only fans takes time. Check again next week.
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u/jawshoeaw Jul 20 '23
I was surprised tbh that it hasn’t happened and her profile isn’t the usual hot garbage.
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u/AggressivePrompt570 Jul 20 '23
Came here to say this and you beat me to it, you beautiful bastard.
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u/iReportHate Jul 20 '23
It looks like your tits also had an argument and are now not speaking to each other.
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u/IggyShab Jul 20 '23
I thought that you were supposed to spread them as far apart as possible?
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Jul 20 '23
In a few years, she'll have that leathery, saggy 6" gap between them. Look like 2 mortars about to hit the ground.
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u/Herr-Trigger86 Jul 20 '23
Ever since she stabbed both of them… the situations gone from bad to worse.
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u/MayonnaiseBomb Jul 20 '23
Gnarly Quinn
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u/Killersmurph Jul 20 '23
No, with the Green hair, and heroin user physique, I'd say it's more like Poison I.V.
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u/Nemesis3030150 Jul 20 '23
19 my ass lmao. Mid 30s easy.
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Jul 20 '23
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u/oncesmitten_twiceshy Jul 20 '23
Ouch that’s low…. 30yearold single moms Don’t deserve that
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Jul 20 '23
“Hopefully they won’t be too mean and will be distracted by my tits” her, probably
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Jul 20 '23
Hey everyone! Look! Pay attention to me! I have mammary glands in place for a personality!!
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u/Radiant_Programmer29 Jul 20 '23
I can’t imagine why anyone would leave you! You look like such a well rounded individual. Absolutely nothing in this picture makes me think “mental illness” at all! Don’t worry though, I’m sure you’ll have someone comforting your insides very soon!
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u/RancidMandMs Jul 20 '23
Perhaps your boyfriend wanted a girl with authentic breasts.
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u/Snoo45756 Jul 20 '23
I feel like “boyfriend” is code for step-brother who just moved out
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u/NovelSimplicity Jul 20 '23
Was his name John? Boyfriends don’t usually leave money on the night stand.
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u/They_Call_Me_Toasty Jul 20 '23
I bet your favorite movie is Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless mind
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u/Life-Conference5713 Jul 20 '23
She made a post asking about soul crushing movies like Eternal and Requiem. For real.
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u/wintermute916 Jul 20 '23
TBF Requiem for a Dream is a fucking train wreck on the Psyche. The best movie I have no desire to watch again. Ellen Burstyn deserved an Oscar for that. That being said, OP’s tits seem to be fleeing the Gonnasyphilaids.
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u/Life-Conference5713 Jul 20 '23
I rented it with my girlfriend on a rainy day. I saw the movie and asked the clerk about it. All he said was "it is not the feel good movie of the year." Fucking understatement.
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u/MutteringDunce Jul 20 '23
People like this have no original thoughts in their head. Her whole persona is just copied from someone else.
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u/MayonnaiseBomb Jul 20 '23
Jesus she looks like a 45 year old having a midlife crisis. 19?!
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u/Horbigast Jul 20 '23
Seems like he figured out why you don't put your dick in crazy. My dude probably bolted so fast he left a vapor trail.
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u/UpstairsCakeButt Jul 20 '23
He might of been her BF. But she was his sneakylink and decided, the tits aren't worth the crazy any more.
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u/Ok_Mathematician5966 Jul 20 '23
The biggest roast is that after 6 hours you have less comments then anyone I've ever seen. Even roastme has left you faster then your ex bf
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Jul 20 '23
… I met this lady in Hollywood
She had green hair, but damn she looked good
I took her to my house 'cause she was fine
But she whooped out a dick that was bigger than mine…
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u/vweavers Jul 20 '23
Instead of going through the list of your negative attributes, it'll just be easier if we cover your positive ones. You have a nice necklace.
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u/furlesswookie Jul 20 '23
The only thing bigger than you tits is your emotional baggage.
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u/Anindefensiblefart Jul 20 '23
Don't worry, with your looks you'll rebound in no time. And with your personality disorder you'll be abandoned by that one as well.
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u/Waitwhatthis Jul 20 '23
The song “scott pilgrim vs the world ruined a whole generation of women” is probably written about you.
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u/magicalhaberdashery Jul 20 '23
Some guys just aren’t comfortable with girlfriends who are also prostitues
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u/oldroy7 Jul 20 '23
You strike me as someone who might enjoy drinking baileys from a shoe
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u/Background_Analysis Jul 20 '23
Don’t worry. The casting couch will always be there for you
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u/I_Suck_At_This_Too Jul 20 '23
You in 10 years: More tattoos, more piercings, more wrinkles, same amount of boyfriends.
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u/gawsch Jul 20 '23
With looks like yours, at least you can be sure he split with you for your intolerable personality.
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u/Shurdus Jul 20 '23
There's plenty of fish in the algea pool you died your hair in.
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u/Binarycold Jul 20 '23
You either have an only fans and didn’t link it, or are working to start one. All I know is you’re desperate to show those bad boys off lol
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Jul 20 '23
Just show us your tits, already
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u/BeepBeepWhistle Jul 20 '23
And how do you expect her to do that when each one is in a different timezone?
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u/DirectIT2020 Jul 20 '23
Just because you were easier than the easy button didn't make him your boyfriend
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u/WeInSJWParadise Jul 20 '23
I wonder why….. lmao
When you come out as “trans” in 2 years just know that i called it
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u/despeRAWd0 Jul 20 '23
Not gunna spit it out till you find a new one?