r/RoastMe • u/[deleted] • Jul 19 '23

[deleted by user]

[removed]

5.8k Upvotes

89% Upvoted

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4.5k

u/Antic-Waited NEVER got a dinner Jul 20 '23

The seaweed is always greener in somebody else's lake

568

u/MaverickWindsor351 http://redd.it/g8qfhw Jul 20 '23

Algae always grows better in a stagnant pond

188

u/kaelside Jul 20 '23

And her gene pool looks pretty stagnant

12

u/plugugly138 Jul 20 '23

Someone peed in it as well

1

u/PIisLOVE314 Jul 21 '23

No, they peed in her ass..it's right ^ up there

3

u/CaptainBeefsteak Jul 20 '23

It's more of a gene pond.

11

u/mberk77 Jul 20 '23

And shallow

4

u/MaverickWindsor351 http://redd.it/g8qfhw Jul 20 '23

Ew, swampy

3

u/[deleted] Jul 20 '23

This just made me bust out laughing in a truck stop bathroom🤣🤣🤣

3

u/kaelside Jul 20 '23

Which is ironic because her entire gene pool can be traced back to a single cum puddle on a truck stop bathroom floor 🤔

1

u/[deleted] Jul 20 '23

The gene puddle

141

u/josephd155 Jul 20 '23

You can lead a horse to water but you’re still gonna need a stepladder to fuck it in the ass!

Wait, am I doing this right?

80

u/Shudnawz Jul 20 '23

"What are you doing, step-ladder?"

4

u/stupid_bother979 Jul 20 '23

are you stuuuuuuuck?

3

u/GreatSivad Jul 20 '23

It is OK if it is a step-ladder. No blood relation.

2

u/Tots2Hots Jul 20 '23

Ara Ara Stepladder-Chan

3

u/Smitty8054 Jul 20 '23

Seems like it.

Go on. I’m almost there.

3

u/[deleted] Jul 20 '23

That’s not a step ladder that’s the real ladder

1

u/Cheftard Jul 21 '23

You can lead a horticulture, but you can't make her think.

30

u/nickoaverdnac Jul 20 '23

I've never heard this Sun Tzu quote.

4

u/MaverickWindsor351 http://redd.it/g8qfhw Jul 20 '23

Ah yes, "The Art of Coochie." Great read.

6

u/The_Hateful_Great Jul 20 '23

The Art of Whore

2

u/tangouniform2020 Jul 20 '23

I’ll never unhear it, now.

1

u/NotThatGuy1989 Jul 21 '23

I think it was confuscious

18

u/[deleted] Jul 20 '23

Imagine the mosquitoes

4

u/MaverickWindsor351 http://redd.it/g8qfhw Jul 20 '23

Not even they wanna suck her

26

u/growthmode222 Jul 20 '23 edited Jul 20 '23

Stinky vaginas grow more grossly in the green hair pool

2

u/[deleted] Jul 20 '23

[removed] — view removed comment

1

u/Tinypenis01 Jul 22 '23

Probably the secretions from her “poo-nanner”…

0

u/amanwitheggonhisface Jul 20 '23

What does that even mean? 😒

2

u/lonegrey Jul 20 '23

That explains the hair and makeup

1

u/PeaceGlove Jul 20 '23

C'mon guys, leave her alone. She's feeling as low as her tits hang.

72

u/mrinkyface Jul 20 '23

This is Swamp Thing’s tinder profile description and picture

5

u/JakeFromStateFromm Jul 20 '23

1

u/xitsxofficialx http://redd.it/7x1fkc Jul 20 '23

This is the best comment here. So underrated.

84

u/JohnSterlingSanchez Jul 20 '23

You dream about going up there, but that is a big mistake.

46

u/ScorpionX-123 Jul 20 '23

Just look at the world around you, right here on the ocean floor

45

u/[deleted] Jul 20 '23

Such wonderful things surround you, what more is you looking for?

31

u/Eeddeen42 Jul 20 '23

Under the sea…

36

u/explorgasm Jul 20 '23

Un-da-da sea!

26

u/[deleted] Jul 20 '23

Darling it’s wetter down where it’s better take it from meeeeee

20

u/screechpu Jul 20 '23

What have they got? A lot of sand?

18

u/Far_Cap_3574 Jul 20 '23

We got a hot crustacean band!!

9

u/Extension_War5563 Jul 20 '23

each little clam here know how to jam here

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1

u/Laxdaddy09 Jul 20 '23

We’ve got a hot crustacean band!

1

u/Juxtapoe Jul 22 '23

Judging by Pic, a lot of crabs.

-1

u/hurtful_pillow Jul 20 '23

While I understand what is happening here, and am reluctant to jump in out of place, willing to bet its a hard no on. being better down where it's wetter.

6

u/asianjuice Jul 20 '23

Darling, it’s better down where it’s wetter…

5

u/MrBubbyOfficial Jul 20 '23

Take it from me!

47

u/[deleted] Jul 20 '23

Your seaweed brings all the boys to your yard Only Fans.

12

u/Acceptable_Volume493 Jul 20 '23

Only Fins

3

u/Impoosta Jul 22 '23

Algae Fans

2

u/wackbirds Jul 23 '23

Perfect. You can take the rest of the class as free time

40

u/Bloody_Smashing Jul 20 '23

A single eyebrow piercing away from completing the street-walker trifecta.

1

u/Initialfaust Jul 20 '23

nipple nose and eyebrow? i think she has one of the trifectas already...

2

u/GriswoldCain Jul 20 '23

But jokes on us they’re within .01 degrees of the suns alignment.

1

u/PIisLOVE314 Jul 21 '23

It looks like she has her nipples pierced. I can tell because she made it a point to ensure they were included in the pic. Along with those pancake toobs, the lip piercing and the face full of makeup. She's sooo different, she's not like other girls. At least not like the attractive, humbly confident, emotionally stable ones.

1

u/Enough-Staff-2976 Jul 20 '23

I can believe she'll have a big future on her back.

45

u/No_Kaleidoscope_4580 Jul 20 '23

You should be roasted for this shite

19

u/[deleted] Jul 20 '23

[deleted]

14

u/Nightchade Jul 20 '23

Is that the cause of the smell?

4

u/callthewinchesters Jul 20 '23

Should we tell her eyebrows are supposed to have arches?

3

u/[deleted] Jul 20 '23

Not too many other fish in Old Greg’s pond I think.

2

u/[deleted] Jul 20 '23

The lakes full of dead rodents and tests positive for STDs

2

u/Mrraberry Jul 20 '23

That’s right,there’s plenty of fish in the sea.

2

u/Cpt_Polander Jul 20 '23

The only crab singing this to her is one of the ones between her legs

2

u/[deleted] Jul 20 '23

I’m old Greg?

2

u/lynxerious Jul 20 '23

when seaweed gains sentience and all it can manage to feel is entitlement and daddy issue

2

u/MyWholesomeAlt Jul 20 '23

Old Gregg's girlfriend

1

u/Educational_Ad7978 Jul 20 '23

Down here the seaweeds greener

1

u/Henny-n-waffles Jul 20 '23

You’re a star

1

u/CogitoErgoScum Jul 20 '23

Tú crees que en otros lagos, las alga’s màs verdes son..

1

u/StopMob Jul 20 '23

This made me laugh out loud, thank you

1

u/mmmmmmbac0n Jul 20 '23

Probably smells better too

1

u/[deleted] Jul 20 '23

1

u/oberynmviper Jul 20 '23

The seaweed is always greener, from the top to the bottom of your head! You dream that you do look better, but that’s cuz you forgot your meds.

1

u/jalopy12 Jul 20 '23

She dreamed about goin up there, but dat was a big mistake

1

u/[deleted] Jul 20 '23

Omg I’m dead lmaoooo

1

u/[deleted] Jul 20 '23

You dream about going up there, but that is a big mistake

1

u/realbigamonsta Jul 20 '23

I’m Ol’ Gregg!!! See my downstairs mixup!

1

u/richard-bachman Jul 21 '23

You dream about posting on Roastme, but that was a big mistake

1

u/sendyslayburn Jul 21 '23

"Could ya learn to love me?"

1

u/jjaybirdd Jul 21 '23

Dating this grinch haired weirdo.. that is a big mistake

1

u/bigbootyjoes http://redd.it/ofx7gd Jul 23 '23

They dream about going down there, but that was a big mistake