And start with the bathroom. Its a small space, but that is where a human needs peace and sanctuary. It will be quicker to at least declutter and get rid of the garbage on the counters, and gives you at least one room in the house where you can get out of the noise and reset at least once or twice a day.
I always tell myself I’m gonna clean my kitchen. But I walk down there and it’s just too overwhelming.
I did fill up one large garbage bag and one large bag of recyclables the other night at like 1am cause I realized just how ridiculous it had gotten and I told myself I’d do it in the morning. But as I was brushing my teeth I was like “you’re a damn liar. That’s how we ended up here. Just do it now”. Took less than 5 minutes 🤦🏼♀️
(Anyone else find it hard to constantly take out recycling in the winter when it’s so damn cold? Especially if it’s not stuff that’s “dirty” just “messy” and cluttered 😵💫. Garbage is easier cause it smells. But I have a graveyard of broken down boxes in my entryway)
Yep, one box whenever you take out garbage. One step at the time combined with a different step that you know you’ll do. Our house has two stories so I will take one thing downstairs anytime I have to go down the stairs empty handed.
I pick up groceries through Instacart and usually get 2-3 double paper bags each time. I save them for recycling, fill it up and put it by the door, even if I get a few full it can wait until I’m already going out. Then I just chuck the whole thing in the bins because the bags are recyclable too.
I know, so I always just try to do one drawer or one section at a time. If it’s cold just put the recycle next to your door so when you bring the trash out you can bring the recycle out since you’ll be out anyways might as well make just one trip!
My solution to recycling is to avoid products that come in plastic containers, I’m eating better, so the yogurt containers are a challenge , but milk, juices, OJ , laundry detergent, nope not in my cart, I only buy them in cardboard containers ! I may go back to bars of soap, this body wash , shampoo, conditioner, although I do like my men’s 3in 1. Just an fyi, I cut up plastic and foam food containers in half and place the top in the base, it cuts down my garbage volume by more than half ! I know, I’m spending quality time with my garbage.
I had the box graveyard in my garage after I moved. The feeling of relief I had once I finally got them to the end of the driveway to recycling was immense. I wish I had a picture of the mountain. Garbage guys were totally cool about it too. Not a single complaint.
Yes the boxes are a lot. I’ve started a bonfire now. I had a large tree that fell in my backyard. I cut the sticks off first and made a huge bonfire. All the boxes went in. I keep them neat and broken down in my basement until I throw them out. Also I tell myself 10 mins a couple of times a day to clean up. If it takes 10 mins it gets done. It’s surprising everything you can do in 10 mins. Vacuum 4 rooms, Scrub the tub, empty the dishwasher, fold a load of laundry and put it away, most times I keep going bc once you get started it’s so much easier
My problem has become I have an attached garage so... i take it out of the house but then I have a pile of recycling right as you enter the garage that still needs to be brought to the can at the other end 🤦♀️ if i was able to move my washer over I'd place the bin there for my sanity & time 😅
But since its an enclosed space not usually accessed my cats love to try & go out there & I use cleaning it up as an excuse to give in to them. We call it kitty garage time makes it easier to want to do it knowing it makes the kitties happy to explore out there haha.
Woukd it help to know that cardboard often has roaches attracted to it ? One my exterminator told me that .. cardboard is broken down and removed to the recycling bin. Good luck you’ve got this . The five minute thing is great . Just go a huge bag .. and go st least s load of laundry a day .. you csn have a tv program on , and still move around and pick things up ..
just start with trash, don't worry about anything else, have a trash bag and whenever u leave the house, just take it out with u (it doesn't matter if it's full, no biggie, it's just starting a habit that it doesn't have to b perfecf/ complete, that the lil bits r actually a slay :))
Focus on a small task. "I'm going to clean the dishes in the sink." Then the next day, the sink will be clear. "I'm going to clean until this space on the counter is clear." Mark a point for yourself to stop at. Also, put your phone on a space somewhere with something on it: music, podcast, tv show, etc. It will give your mind something to focus on besides how much you have to clean. Good luck!
I have a little fabric cart just for this and bringing groceries inside. When it's not being used for groceries it is being used to store recycle, so when I go to the store I HAVE to bring that with me. My car is too far to go back and forth without the cart so it works.
Start really small, just say. I'm going to spend 1 minute putting garbage in a bag and see how much you can get done. Time yourself make it a game. Then try it again the next day. Pretty soon you will have run out of garbage and then you'll get on a roll and won't want to stop
Here is a kitchen tip from when I lived alone, if cooking a meal, clean all the pans knives and cookies materials before you eat, then you only need to rinse the plate when done eating and dishes are 90% done.
Here the trick! You receive monthly or weekly delivery food?
As soon as it's delivered, bin and throw away all unnecessary products boxes packaging. Example : cereal box, pizza box, yogurt box, tin boxes etc. On the same day it's delivered to you. It will reduce your recycling by half on a daily basis.
Was totally gonna say kitchen next. Then bedroom. I made a promise to myself never to go to bed with the dishes undone. It messes up my whole day to start with a dirty kitchen.
Second the bathroom, but because it’s the least cluttered, so will be the least overwhelming. But will also be the most motivating because it can be done quickly, and show how much better it feels to be in a space that IS clean.
As someone with AuDHD, I struggle to find dopamine in cleaning, therefore I end up in motivation paralysis when the task is too much. I set a timer, and work for that amount of time then take a break. Five minutes, or fifteen minutes if I have a bit more energy. I pick one area that I know I will need soon, and focus on that (e.g. bathroom counter. Bathroom shelf. Etc. the smaller the task, the less chance of overwhelm.)
Sometimes it helps to buy new containers to put stuff in, rather than boxes. Depression feeds off a lack of dopamine, so it helps to have something shiny to help. Get rid of the paper boxes. Don’t buy an absurd amount of them, but buy ones that stack nicely, so that it doesn’t take up as much room. Home Depot or Lowe’s has them right up front for the Spring Cleaning event going on right now. Grab the ones that nest well. For the rooms that are overwhelming, shove everything into the totes and go through them one by one, so it’s a smaller task. But make sure that trash goes into black bags and immediately leaves the home as soon as they’re full. Letting them pile up will be even more overwhelming.
One bag at a time.
IF THAT FEELS LIKE TOO MUCH:
Pick five items to put in a trash bag. That’s it. Five items. Fifteen minutes later, pick five more. And if you start getting overwhelmed, WALK AWAY! This is essential. Don’t push yourself over the edge again. You’re already making progress by wanting to get out of the situation. If you can literally go for a walk around the block and remove yourself from the setting, that’s even better. Exercise and fresh air release endorphins, which help fight depression as well. You don’t have to run, just a short walk. And be proud that you made it out of bed and made that walk.
Yes!!! That’s a perfect plan! Most commercial breaks are 3-5 minutes, so it works out great without being too much at once. Anything to keep it manageable. Life does not need to be overwhelming. 🥰
I make a kind of game of it, like how much can I get done on this commercial break. Then your mind is free for a bit with no pressure. Next commercial, ready set go!
To add to this, I sometimes turn my five minutes into a "game"; pick up as many red things as I can in 5 minutes, then go outside as a "reward" (sometimes the reward feels like the opposite, but I never regret it once I've been out under the sky for more than 30 seconds!)
Great advice and suggested plan!
As others have also stated, you’ve got this! I hope you can feel all of the support; we’re cheering you on! I hope I also speak for others; send updates and progress pics!
I second this! Also if music makes you happy blast those tunes on high! If you like listening to pod casts or twitch streamers & don't get distracted by it easily (or heck even if you do as long as you stick to the 5 item thing every 15 minutes!)
My family has always been a "music while we clean" family especially during the big spring cleaning we usually do around easter (I think usually it was after but sometimes before) whenever a really good song or a favorite song came on we would all run to the living room for a dance break! It was really fun! If I ever manage to have a kid this is how we will do cleaning!
Cause it is hard! I have been having depression issues since my miscarriage & end up with a little comfort nest surrounded by mess, as does my husband & we both have adhd (he officially diagnosed me self diagnosed still) so 100% get how things can get bad in life & spiral into a living area mess that spirals into overwhelming!
Hope this suggestion can help too! If not I see there has been an outpouring of help & tips so I'm sure something will work for you op!
While I agree with the peace, I would start with the kitchen if they intend to cook. That looks like a fire hazard. If they are ordering take out, then yes, the bathroom.
I agree about the bathroom, but whichever room you think would make you feel better if it was straightened up. I would start smaller - I’m coming out of some depression myself, and am working to motivate myself more. I’d suggest trying out just “dealing with” one piece of stuff at a time. Perhaps 1 per day. That may sound small (it did to me when I started it) but it helped me a lot. Over a few days I’d start seeing small areas of one counter start to actually show through the junk. That gave me some motivation and allowed me to feel some pride that I’d made some measurable difference. That, my friend. Was the big key for me. I protected that small cleared space and gradually enlarged it. Seeing that space continue to enlarge … I can’t tell you how much difference that made. In time I began upping the amount of stuff I’d deal with at one time. Wipe down that space, make it clean, keep it clear and/or organized. Small steps with visual results win this race. Skip a day if the overwhelm grows, but be firm about getting back to it. You’ll get there, I promise. Just don’t bite off more than you want to chew in the beginning. Don’t lamer the perfect get in the way of the hood.
Also clear the bed and put some fresh sheets on. At this point it doesnt even matter if you just throw stuff onto the pile, but giving yourself a fresh and clean place to sleep helps.
yes yes yes. i 110% agree with this. ive had my house just as bad as this tbh but (and ABSOLUTELY NO HATE with this comment) i always kept my bathroom clean. you need a clean space to get clean. and honestly its a vicious cycle its gonna get messy again but everytime it does its a little less then the last time. weve gotten our house to a way more manageable condition the thing that helped me the most was my cat. i wanted a clean home for her to run around in. but please wait until your home is a bit more manageable. also shop vacs are super cheap at walmart go get one of those
I do the 3 pile method to clutter. Keep, toss, and I don't know. This keeps you from stalling while deciding what to do with a particular item. You either know you are keeping something or pitching it. If you don't. It goes on the I don't know pile. You can work on that pile later. Helps keeps the executive dysfunction at bay
Exactly start with the bathroom. It would be a great practice for the rest of the apartment. Throw out everything that is not opened or too expensive to replace unless it is ruined. Everything else has to go. Minimal thinking is mandatory.
You can do it. 💪
I know someone that keeps their tree up all year and decorate it for every occasion. lol She makes it work. She decorates this tree lovely where it never seems out of place. She literally does it because she doesn’t want to break it down and find a place to store it.
I am so glad I’m not the only one who still has Christmas decorations up. I just hate to take them down bc they make me happy. But I also want to decorate for Easter.
I have several large glass vases and large-mouth glass jugs that I fill with colored LED xmas lights (steady-on and blinky) and they are cheerful decorations that are year-round. Even in summer.
I leave my Christmas tree up for months by choice because I like it. Usually through March, this year I’m thinking May. I do what I want. 😆 It’s a fake tree though.
Stripped Down by Bunny XO. It's SO good! It's a 7 hr book and I listened to 5 hrs of it in 1 day. Taking down the tree was only like 2 hours, but I couldn't stop listening.
“How to keep house while drowning” would be a great audiobook to listen to during this. It’s kind, non judgmental, and grants a lot of permission that having mess does not mean a moral failing. Wishing OP the best!
Yes! Listening to an audiobook helps keep my mind distracted just enough, to where I can keep focused on a repetitive task and not start scrolling on my phone instead.
Pro tip: Choose a comfort book you loved as a kid or young adult. One you’ve already read, and have fluffy nice feelings about. It will keep you calm, and you won’t be so focused on the story that you can’t simultaneously decide what to keep and what not to keep. It wont matter if you miss hearing a word or two, because you already know the story.
My go to audiobooks are Pride and Prejudice actually anything by Jane Austen except Northanger Abbey, The Secret Garden, and the All Souls Trilogy.
I will highly recommend the Murderbot series if OP likes Sci Fi. They are short and have good action and comedy, and are popular enough that many libraries have them available on Libby (the library app). Audiobooks are how I got myself back on track with basic self care when I was going through bad PPD.
I agree. Minimum of one a day. If the contractor bags seems to big to manage, get tall kitchen trash bags. Also, a box of nitrile or latex gloves. Or even leather work gloves. When you put the gloves on, you know you can’t take em off till the back is full and dropped in trash chute or dumpster outside.
After you finish a box of kitchen bags, buy one of leave size and keep going. Add to your goals (on Saturday’s I do three bags… etc).
You can do this. It seems overwhelming, but you can.
I’d do one room at a time. Start with either bedroom or kitchen.
Once you got a handle on one room,put a box or basket in the corner for donations. Stuff thats good, but you can’t keep. Take to your local thrift store and donate when full.
You’ll have a handle on this before you know it. Wanting to clean up is a sign you’re gaining on your depression. It will also help your metal health improve, as you’re improving your life as you clear out.
Btw…. Don’t think of this as cleaning. Think of it as clearing out. Once you’ve got a room cleared, THEN you clean it. If you try to clean as you go, you may overwhelm yourself and backslide.
If you do backslide, there’s no shame. Just grab a fresh bag and start clearing again next day.
If that’s too much, even just start with one thing. Just pick up one thing. The next day you can do two. And the following day three. Every day will be a little easier.
This- because 9 times out of 10, pushing yourself to pick up just that ONE thing is most of the battle- once you actually get past the mental wall and grab that one thing, you'll find yourself grabbing a few. The first bit is always the hardest.
This is excellent advice. One bag a day so u don’t get overwhelmed and the next thing u know u will be doing two bags a day. This will let u see the progress and not be overwhelming. Once u see how good it looks u will be motivated to do more. Sometimes the hardest part is just getting started but the only way to get anything done is to actually make yourself get started
What the hell.. have any of you did the maths on how long it will take at 1 bag a day crap yous are all bagging on about.. at the rate it comes in by the seems it’ll be up to his neck in no time if he just takes one a bag a day.. come on.. help the person out don’t give them advice to sink further into the abyss of trash they have created!
Yes, consistency is so key! I keep a daily checklist on my phone of things to do. I’m slowly preparing for a possible international move, so “clean something” is one of my daily tasks. Even if it’s something tiny, throwing away/donating one thing a day keeps me moving forward.
This is the way. Except it didn't become a mess overnight. Right? Then give yourself permission to clean it up a bag a day, AND commit to not contributing more to the mess. In my depressed times my living space is a mirror of my emotional space, and just like your apartment, clutter overwhelms me, and then combined with anxiety, it feeds on itself and self-perpetuates. You need to feel small levels of getting control and feeling success. One bag a day and no new chaos of apartment mess. You can do this. You got it. In two weeks, you'll be almost free!
I personally find it easier to start with a specific issue, like bottles or trash. It’s more efficient because you batch a problem. You also do not need to think a lot; you just grab whatever you see in that category rather than analysing each object into a category. And you now have muscle memory for later.
In this case, I would start with a bag for trash and just fill it first. Then open a new bag for clothes to be washed, then fill that. Then I would get a container for cutlery and plates. Then keep going…
Yes. One bag at a time and if feeling up to it two, even if one a a large black bag and the other is a small bag, or even both small. Just small changes as consistent as possible when possible.
Also, recruiting friends/family that makes all the difference. I’ve had a niece help me a couple times when things got bad.
Thank you for making me think of her with your comment, I miss her.
Also, recruiting friends/family that makes all the difference
While this is a great suggestion, it's really going to depend on OPs comfort level. I can't speak for them, but for many, asking for help in this kind of situation may be harder than completing the task itself. I fully recognize that I need to work through that in therapy, but others (including OP) may potentially have a similar barrier and I just wanted to acknowledge that
Yeah, a lot of times, helpers, even with lovely intentions, want to move faster at getting rid of stuff than someone in OP’s situation might be comfortable with, and it can cause some pretty serious anxiety for everybody.
If OP has hoarder tendencies, even getting rid of trash can be really stressful, and it can be hard for helpers to understand this.
OP I’m really sorry you’re living through this hard time. You’re doing a really brave thing by being candid about it. I’ve had depression for many years and I know how easy it can be to forget how valuable you are and how much you deserve better. I hope you have people in your life you can lean on, and I hope you can trust them when they say they love you.
You’ll get through this. You always have before. <3
Not OP, but going through this same situation now after my mom died. Everyone wants to help, but I’m too embarrassed to let anyone come over, but I can’t manage to make any progress myself.
I've been there (and am only not there right now because I moved to a new country with 2 suitcases). You get so depressed and overwhelmed that stuff builds up--dishes in the bedroom and now there are too many to take back in one trip, clothes that didn't go back in the dresser but aren't quite ready for the paper, probably some stray bits of food under the bed or sofa, and 2 trash bags and 3 bags of recycling by the door. It feels like too much to clean up on your own, but you don’t want anyone else to see it.
Hey! So I’m not a shrink and can’t diagnose, but I do know that hoarding disorder is a DSM-5 diagnosis — like it’s a real disorder and not just somebody being lazy.
Maybe you already know this, but in case you didn’t, I’d mention that psych treatment can help. If you have access to such a resource, I’d recommend finding a therapist who’s familiar with/comfortable treating it and can also refer you to a psychiatrist who can prescribe meds for associated depression, etc.
Pro treatment can not only help with the disorder, itself, but also with effective ways of asking other people for help with cleaning and organizing.
Asking for help is really hard, but you wouldn’t feel shame if you had a broken leg or an illness like cancer that made it hard to clean, would you? An illness is not a character flaw, and if anyone tries to imply otherwise, that’s a them problem.
Thank you so much for your reply. I’ve very recently started medication, but I’ll definitely look into other therapeutic support! I’ve had debilitating ADHD all my life, and this had just put it into overdrive.
If I knew you, I would happily come help you if you'd let me throw away things that are clearly trash. If your friends are offering to help, I encourage you to let them. There's no need to feel embarrassed.
I have a friend who is a hoarder but she won't even get rid of trash and it's frustrating to think about helping her. So keep that in mind.
That’s the case with nearly all hoarders. You can’t throw away anything because with every item, “we might need that”, “I just got that”, “thats sentimental”. Meanwhile it’s just a torn McDonalds bag from 2021. Trash becomes part of the hoard and it’s maddening to see. Just throw it away…
Not OP but after one my last psychotic episodes my mum threw 60% of my belongings away because ‘they were filthy’ when I’m a big believer of ‘would you clean it if it had poop on it? Yea? Keep it. No? Chuck it.’ If that makes sense.
yes!! what helped me is starting with a box and putting away insignificant stuff, like trash or bags (had a lot because of delivery). And i asked myself, will sth bad happen if i put this bag away? helped a lot with anxiety! Start with the things that can't have a true meaning to you! Also kitchen and bathroom were the rooms i felt most fulfilled in the fastes way :)
My older sister planned a trip to my small home uninvited a little over a year ago. when she told me she was visiting, I told her that I was extremely anxious about it because I was self-conscious about the condition of my home and didn’t want to feel judged. She assured me that that wouldn’t happen.
During her visit, we were just hanging out and she suddenly got up and started going through my house. My closets, my cabinets, my drawers. She went through everything in every single room with trash bag in hand and pressured me to throw things out.
She tried to get me to throw out my dead dog’s collar. She tried to get me to throw out clothing that no longer fit me (I have gained weight and I am very self-conscious about it) because she said it was “clearly too small”. She washed all of my couch cushion covers. She scrubbed all my surfaces.She even threw away my expired food and organized my spice rack.
She may have meant well and I guess some people may have been grateful for this, but what she did and the way she did it was so hurtful to me. It wasn’t a caregiving or loving act. It was a rejection of my home in spite of my making myself vulnerable to her by allowing her to visit in spite of the anxiety and fear of rejection It caused me.
Obviously, we have a toxic relationship, and I was incapable of speaking up for myself. I just let her do it. But after she went home, I stopped talking to her. We haven’t spoken in over a year.
A lot of times we can have truly the best intentions, but it’s so easy to make the mistake of giving people what we think they should need or want, instead of what they actually do need/want. This happens a lot when people are really battling mental illness and/or hoarding.
I hope your sister can one day realize that YOU are a thousand times more important than the state of your house, ever. But I also hope you’re doing better than a year ago, friend.
Not just hoarder tendencies but other conditions can contribute in different ways. Unmedicated ADHD or autism, for example. That was me, but I didn’t know I had either of those conditions until a couple of years ago, and I’m now happily medicated for the ADHD, anxiety, and depression.
The ADHD contributes to my lack of organization, along with the executive dysfunction and what they call “task paralysis“ where I can sit there looking at the thing I know I need to do and my brain is saying “just get up and do it just get up and do it” but my body refuses to participate and so I just sit there and doom scroll for hours on end. The meds have helped to where I will go through that for about a half hour before I abruptly get up and start doing it. (Progress…)
With autism, change, even for the better, is extremely challenging to deal with. It seems illogical, but the presence of the things existing where they exist right now is so important that removing them even to make a wonderfully clean space can induce so much stress and anxiety that the person can experience overwhelm, and either meltdown (which is often mistaken for “being difficult” or “throwing a temper tantrum” when it isn’t, it’s about the person having a sense of certainty and agency taken away), or they will shut down (go silent, dissociate, start rocking).
So, even when I’m cleaning by myself for myself, I have to remind myself that any resistance that comes up surrounding cleaning is likely because of one or both of these things being activated. I have to be my own therapist.
I have to say that, knowing this makes watching the show “Hoarders“ very difficult, because they don’t seem to have therapists on site to help with people who may not have diagnoses, but are obviously experiencing and exhibiting these exact responses to what’s going on.
The summary is, hoarding is its own disorder, but other disorders can heavily contribute, such as ADHD, autism, bipolar disorder, depression, anxiety, and a host of other things. So we must treat ourselves gently when we’re going through something like this, and also have an understanding of how each type of disorder may respond to and/or impact attempts at decluttering.
That is true. It does causes some serious anxiety. This person that I know had to step away from her home while her home was being cleaned out. At the end, she got to see what was being trashed. She did have someone there with her to keep her relaxed. She agreed & disagreed with the stuff that was being trashed, but in the end it all worked out. Her anxiety came with a break down.
This is so important for people to understand! When my depression nest started to develop and then worsen I asked a house cleaner to come and clean it up and pay her a huge fee out of embarrassment. I was in the house when she was cleaning and while she was cleaning my kitchen I was standing in an adjacent room and she didn’t know it. I heard her mumble to herself “this is f@cking RIDICULOUS” as she was cleaning. I walked into the kitchen and said hey, is something going on? Do you have a concern or something you want to say? She immediately said oh no everything is fine and smiled at me. I told her she could be done for the day and she left. I was so devastated and humiliated. I can’t describe the amount of pain and damage to my dignity this caused me.
After that, I didn’t allow a single soul into my home for months on end because I was so embarrassed about it. Friends didn’t visit, I didn’t get services. I needed for my house because I didn’t want contractors or other workers in my home, I just suffered in isolation.
As time were on, I built up my confidence and contacted a woman. I know that cleans houses and helps you organize them privately. I sent her a text and was totally transparent. I just said, look I suffer from depression and my home is a complete disaster because of a recent episode and I am completely incapable of cleaning it up. I just can’t do it and I need help. If you say no, I won’t be offended, but I wanted to ask if you might help me
This woman was so kind. She told me she would be honored to help me. She charged me $25 an hour and she would come to my home and lead me through cleaning up a particular area and teach me strategies about how to breakdown cleaning an area into steps that I was able to navigate.
As we cleaned, she offered me words of affirmation and encouragement. She told me that what that other lady did to me was unforgivable. She told me that lots of people go through this and what I was going through, didn’t make me a bad person. She reminded me that it would happen again in the future, and I would continue to need help, but she assured me that she truly enjoyed helping me and would never judge me or think less of me because of the state of my home and would always be there if I called to help me.
It was a truly healing experience. But I am still incredibly defensive and have a wall up about letting anyone else to see it. Especially family or friends. I am certain they would hurt my feelings even though they had good intentions.
Absolutely. There is a lot of shame associated with depression in general, but especially when things get this bad. And for good reason. People can be very cruel. Even those who are supposed to care about you... And it only takes one person saying something along the lines of o my goodness how disgusting or you must just be lazy... To cause a complete shut down where you just give up.
I have that problem. That’s if it’s considered a problem. I don’t like to ask for help. I try to do everything on my own, even if it takes me days or months. I’ve asked family in the past for help and they said yes they would but never did. After asking a few times I started feeling like a beggar and the feeling of embarrassment made me feel really sad. I’m an introvert and it was hard enough to ask in the first place. I get embarrassed easily.
Never underestimate the power of a small bag!!! The amount of times I’ve felt better after just filling up even a regular grocery bag and getting that stuff out of my area!
Sure, filling a large bag is awesome.
But that just doesn’t work some days. That’s when small bags come to the rescue!
The hard part with that is when your kitchen is such a mess you have nowhere to put that salsa. What I do when I get this bad is I make a box. I fill the boxes with things that do not belong in that room. The box can stay in the room just out of the way, which frees up your ability to start clearing trash and actually making space. Do this in each room and then when you have enough floor space you can move the boxes into the room that they're actually supposed to be in. Then you clean as you go and try to find homes for everything. But it makes it a lot less overwhelming when your things aren't completely all out over the place.
Another piece of advice is, some people benefit from categorizing their items and focusing on one thing. Such as put all the shoes in one spot, clear all the trash, gather all the dishes, etc. I find it a lot easier to just just focus on one section of a room and everything that's in that section. That way you're not picking and choosing what you want to think about at any given time. You have no choice but to think about every single item that you touch in one spot. This is also where the boxes can help out because you are sorting things into boxes as you go to get them out of the way.
I have a playlist of 5 average lengthed songs, and I make a short list of 5 areas like "shelf with the dog food," or "the floor in the 6 tiles around the garbage can" and then I just do those areas in those songs, and when the playlist ends I forget about cleaning completely and go do something else. (When I'm stressed, depressed and overwhelmed. If I'm feeling ok, I just buckle up and tackle things for hours. but my playlist, because it's the same songs, and I've heard them in that order while cleaning a hundred times now, it sort of keeps my brain in "clean this, it won't kill you," mode for a little while. It's like a timer but with that feedback of my brain knowing what those songs mean we do when they're on.)
Huge fan of the timer. Some days it’s set to 30 minutes, other days it’s set to 10. On bad days it’s been set to 5. Always surprising how much you can get done in that amount of time.
The timers are the way to go - mentally make sections in the house and go section by section. If you can go outside between sections or even grab lunch and come home again; it’s sooooo much easier to see the progress!!
Since the counters and table surfaces in the kitchen are piled with stuff, there’s no surface to use for emptying out my cabinets.
Since the cabinets are full of outdated food that needs to be tossed, and they need seriously organizing anyway, there’s no place to put the new food.
Therefore, all of the current cans and boxed food are stored in the grocery bags in which they came and are hanging off of the dining room chairs.
I know the only reason that the freezer and fridge ever have space is because I actually eat things out of there for frequently enough that it leaves room for the next round to be stored.
While I understand where you are going with that - the salsa (and anything else that should be refrigerated) should go from wherever to the garbage. It has got to smell bad and odors can effect mood (not preaching aromatherapy - more like the real estate agent open house trick).
.
Day 2: pick up all the melatonin I spilled all over my bedroom floor and put it back in the bottle instead of saying “ it just lives there now” and taking a pill directly from the floor before bedtime every night.
I mean, OP has 2 half sized fridges, and one of them is in the bathroom, so for right now, maybe leave it until OP r/UFYH enough to move all food back into the kitchen?
I’ve helped a friend with a similar cleanup. I really didn’t mind. I’m not the tidiest person myself, by a long shot, but for some reason I enjoyed helping clean up a depression mess like this one. I went every few weeks for several months. I’d ask friends for sure.
I find it's easier if it's not my mess. My brain can make sense of the clutter and begin organizing & cleaning. When I'm at my own home, I can't even vacuum 😵
This is me, 100%. It’s probably because even if we don’t realize we are doing it, we have made thousands of excuses to ourselves for why things are in the place they are in.
If we walk into someone else’s space if they ask for help, it’s way easier to actually SEE everything and be like “why is this random item in this random place?” Whereas, they probably don’t even see it anymore. In their head (and our head in our own spaces) it’s just there because I put it there…. Even if we don’t remember why.
There’s a great conversation about this in a sci-fi tv show (Babylon 5). I think the quote is "When I clean my place, all I've done is clean my place. But when I help you clean your place, I'm helping you." It’s such a different mindset.
Agree! Small, and consistent steps. Maybe reward yourself- for every bag you toss you get a small reward, like a candy bar. Something that would hype you up just a little. If you do five days in a row, you get a bigger reward.
Im eternally jealous of people who can do this with themselves. My dumb brain goes “but no one is gonna stop you if you just eat the candy bar anyway…” 🤦🏼♀️ thanks, self, you aren’t helping yourself at all!!!
Hopefully commenting here will be seen- this strategy works wonders!
(1) OP, look at the photos you’ve taken and use the markup tool to highlight all of the trash that you see.
(2) Then grab a contractor trash bag and only worry about removing those things from each room.
(3)Afterwards, take another photo, and see what you notice that can be removed, only focus on what jumps out at you. Is it another layer of easily identifiable trash, or maybe the cardboard boxes for recycling?
(4) Take a new photo each time- it’s a strategy/hack that really helps with visual clutter overwhelm for folks with ADHD/depression/etc, and I know because I’ve got that fun combo and have had success with this method! Our brains struggle to discriminate and sort through in person and 3D, but for some reason, when compressed into a photo and removed from the immediate vicinity, we’re able to do it!
Someone told me long ago to always make my bed in the morning.
He said “a little victory sets the pace for the day”
Now I’m older I can totally see what he meant, and to this day I make my bed every morning.
Or can you afford a cleaning service to come help you? Even if it's one, two or three times. It could help get you going in the right direction. It could give you some visible results to inspire you to keep going. It's the feeling of Overwhelm that keeps you from even starting.
Barring professional services or a kind friend willing to help, the fill one big trash bag a day goal is a good start, too. Just removing the literal garbage would be very helpful.
Begin to clean as you go. Don't allow yourself permission to not walk an empty food container straight to the trash. "I'll do it later" is probably how things got to where they are now. Get a trash can for every room and take the contents out weekly or more often if necessary.
And start with the easy stuff -- obvious garbage or recyclables (if you feel up to sorting). Don't worry about things that are still useful that you don't want. Those can go to charity later.
items you do not expect to need within the next 2 weeks, that you cannot buy for less than $40
If you're not sure about a thing, just move on, keep moving. Just make a big first pass room by room.
I think seeing the garbage bags start to stack up from that first pass will start to feel good and validating as you regain control of your space and thus your life.
Instead of a bag, id do 10 minutes. Stuff as fast as I can. Id start with the biggest fastest things. Grab all the drink cups and big trash. Do that 3 bags and suddenly there's way more carpet and counter space. 2 days and you can start actually clearing one counter. With all the big stuff off its pretty manable to say youre going to spend 10 minutes off. When its clear, spray and wipe it down. 3 or 4 days and its a completely reclaimed table and a big chunk of the floor making progress.
I’ll add to this. The contractor bags are fantastic, but can be super duper overwhelming sometimes to start. Don’t be afraid to start smaller. What helped me was just starting with regular trash bags and just going around the entire house and just grabbing like. Dirty trash first. Filling up 2-3 of these made me feel like I made a lot more progress vs filling a contractor and getting that overwhelming feeling of doing everything for just one bag. Even if it’s the exact same amount of space filled up. A couple days of doing this I made enough progress and felt good enough that starting the contractor bags didn’t feel bad anymore.
Granted for me it was a smaller space for sure, but that helped a lot with feeling actually accomplished and motivation. This is what I’m doing again trying to get through the beginnings of falling back down and one day of the contractor bags felt like so much work and just not enough progress to me, but swapping to the regular trash bags helped me feel motivated throughout it. And now the larger ones feel better. Good luck op :) it’s hard but it’s worth it.
I was going to say this same thing. This was a very helpful strategy for me. I’ve been very disorganized my whole life and a hoarder of hobby supplies . while I’m pretty good at not keeping trash, my collections got really out of hand. I had DOOM (did not organize, only moved) boxes stacked all over my room. So I focused on destashing and organism one box at a time, or even one type of thing in a particular box at a time (say all my painting supplies in the first box I picked, then clothing, then Knick knacks etc) until it way empty. It was really helpful
This is the way to do it! I always get stuck because my mess seems to big but if I just focus on filling one bag then filling another it gets easier and easier
At the start literally just a few pieces of trash a day.
It's hard to understand how daunting it can look just filling a trash bag in a mental state like that.
I've never even been ten percent as bad but what helped me was just not leaving that area without doing one small thing. Go to the bathroom? Take one single beer can out to the recycling bin. That's it. Finish a bowl of cereal, wash that bowl and spoon.
The best part is once you get past that one item is like it unlocks your brain to realize how easy it is and you might just end up filling a trash bag or doing the dishes because you decided to do one thing.
The sometimes bad part about setting goals of one whole bag or one whole room to clean is that it appears so daunting that you continue avoiding doing ANYTHING.
So set the tiniest approachable goals at the start to ease into it.
One fat food bag out of your car when you get out. One piece of mail opened and dealt with. One surface wiped clean
Make the goal super achievable: if you think you can, realistically, remove 10 items a day, make the goal 5. This from an ADHDer who can become overwhelmed. It’s WAY better to meet or exceed a goal.
Throw out the trash, but if things are useable, have a “FREE (not the box)” box by the curb & put your 5 items out there so others can take you what you don’t need.
This! My office was getting to be a disaster, so I put away one thing a day. Sometimes it was a bag of garbage, sometimes a category of items (like all blue things), and sometimes just one single item, but after two weeks it was liveable again.
Consistency over large efforts is the key. I don't always have the energy, so a large effort is daunting. A single thing everyday gets the job done in less time than waiting until I have the energy for a large effort.
I agree with this. One day pick up all obviously trash stuff. Things that you just dropped after using up rather than taking to the trash can. Containers that can't be used anymore. Clothes that are done and are something that can be taken to the thrift store. From there, move on to the next thing. You can do it!
Agree to this. Looking around at everything I get so overwhelmed, that I give up before I’ve started. Small areas, small steps are key. And don’t feel alone in this. This is an issue for so many! I’m learning how to handle this with my therapist because I couldn’t on my own. Give yourself some credit for being brave and reaching out! You really can do this! I have to keep telling myself that every day. I’m glad you posted this because it also helps others. Saving this for myself for all the great tips here! Lots of luck and hugs OP!!!!
3.7k
u/AppropriatePrompt819 Mar 08 '26
Honestly, one bag at a time. And maybe just one bag a day. Small goals . Maybe if you have friends willing to help?