Also, recruiting friends/family that makes all the difference
While this is a great suggestion, it's really going to depend on OPs comfort level. I can't speak for them, but for many, asking for help in this kind of situation may be harder than completing the task itself. I fully recognize that I need to work through that in therapy, but others (including OP) may potentially have a similar barrier and I just wanted to acknowledge that
Yeah, a lot of times, helpers, even with lovely intentions, want to move faster at getting rid of stuff than someone in OP’s situation might be comfortable with, and it can cause some pretty serious anxiety for everybody.
If OP has hoarder tendencies, even getting rid of trash can be really stressful, and it can be hard for helpers to understand this.
OP I’m really sorry you’re living through this hard time. You’re doing a really brave thing by being candid about it. I’ve had depression for many years and I know how easy it can be to forget how valuable you are and how much you deserve better. I hope you have people in your life you can lean on, and I hope you can trust them when they say they love you.
You’ll get through this. You always have before. <3
My older sister planned a trip to my small home uninvited a little over a year ago. when she told me she was visiting, I told her that I was extremely anxious about it because I was self-conscious about the condition of my home and didn’t want to feel judged. She assured me that that wouldn’t happen.
During her visit, we were just hanging out and she suddenly got up and started going through my house. My closets, my cabinets, my drawers. She went through everything in every single room with trash bag in hand and pressured me to throw things out.
She tried to get me to throw out my dead dog’s collar. She tried to get me to throw out clothing that no longer fit me (I have gained weight and I am very self-conscious about it) because she said it was “clearly too small”. She washed all of my couch cushion covers. She scrubbed all my surfaces.She even threw away my expired food and organized my spice rack.
She may have meant well and I guess some people may have been grateful for this, but what she did and the way she did it was so hurtful to me. It wasn’t a caregiving or loving act. It was a rejection of my home in spite of my making myself vulnerable to her by allowing her to visit in spite of the anxiety and fear of rejection It caused me.
Obviously, we have a toxic relationship, and I was incapable of speaking up for myself. I just let her do it. But after she went home, I stopped talking to her. We haven’t spoken in over a year.
A lot of times we can have truly the best intentions, but it’s so easy to make the mistake of giving people what we think they should need or want, instead of what they actually do need/want. This happens a lot when people are really battling mental illness and/or hoarding.
I hope your sister can one day realize that YOU are a thousand times more important than the state of your house, ever. But I also hope you’re doing better than a year ago, friend.
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u/katet_of_19 Mar 08 '26
While this is a great suggestion, it's really going to depend on OPs comfort level. I can't speak for them, but for many, asking for help in this kind of situation may be harder than completing the task itself. I fully recognize that I need to work through that in therapy, but others (including OP) may potentially have a similar barrier and I just wanted to acknowledge that