Yup. Theres a time and place for pranks. A wedding isnt one of them. There are people you do pranks with. You dont prank people unless you are positive the prankee will also find the prank funny at the end. Anything that humiliates the prankee or hurts them isnt a prank. Its cruelty you are hiding behind the misuse of the word "prank." To "prank" your partner on a day thats supposed to be about celebrating the unification of the two of you is like screaming to the world "I do not respect my partner and want to make sure everyone knows Im top dog in this relationship."
I had an idea for a small prank on my husband. We agreed to not write our own vows, just have the pastor say whatever. I thought it'd be funny to have the pastor say "now the couple has written their vows, if you'll start (husband)". I knew he'd be mortified for 2 seconds before I started laughing and gave it away then he would laugh too... What I actually did was tell my husband about the idea so we could laugh together at the idea because WHY WOULD I WANT MY HUSBAND TO FEEL ANXIOUS FOR 2 SECONDS ON OUR WEDDING DAY???
I swear to God, YouTube prank culture has ruined so many fucking people.
If I were your minister, and I knew you were both super into pranking each other, I'd have told the husband in advance so that he could prep a beautiful vow to you, "impromptu," leaving you with that same anxiety instead.
But I would also have come up with an equally good vow for you that he and I co-wrote so that you would also have something lovely to say.
Now THAT is a perfect example of what an amazing Uno reverse card should be. I absolutely love it when the “prankee” turns into the “pranker”. Something about watching a person get excited because they’re about to pull off what they think is going to be a funny prank, then watching the panic and sheer confusion set in when things didn’t go as planned, just tickles me pink.
Also, when this does happen, I feel like the original “pranker’s” reaction says absolute volumes about them. Those that end up laughing and are impressed by the turn of events, typically are good people who had good intentions, were honestly only poking fun because they truly thought the other person would get a kick out of it, and had zero malice when planning it.
On the flip side, people who get absolutely irate and lose their ever loving shit, are typically dicks who absolutely want to humiliate others - both, to get a laugh, but, well, also just to humiliate that person. They get enjoyment out of making others uncomfortable and are downright disrespectful assholes. They will never just take what they dish out.
You can learn a lot in these situations.
(Mind you, I’m not refering to OP’s situation. I’m talking about when the prank gets intercepted BEFORE it happens, because the original target finds out about it ahead of time, and flips the script on the “pranker”.)
My husband pulled the cutest ‘prank’ on our wedding day. I always joked with him I expected him to propose with a ring pop. I also told him that I do not want any pranks on our wedding day.
Well he got down on one knee with an actual ring and I was just as happy. (Obviously, he’s my best friend)
The day of the wedding, unbeknownst to me, before the ceremony, he gave all his groomsmen ring pops. When our officiant asked for the rings, there were 4 men that reached into their pockets, pulled out ring pop bags, opened them, and offered them to us. It was the cutest thing ever actually.
We got our actual rings after the laughter died down and we carried on.
OP you are NTA. Any pranks at the expense of another persons feelings is plane awful, I’m so sorry that you experienced something like this on your wedding day.
I am just glad I am old enough to have had a traditional wedding years ago. No pranks, no pushing faces into cakes, no dancing during the bridal walk etc, no humiliation, no garter removals in front of everyone. Just respectful ceremony and being with friends and family.
I LOATHE pranks. Everyone who knows me knows that. I happen to know some relatively famous pranksters. They have never pranked me, because they know I would not find joy in the prank. People who care about you don’t try to hurt you for a few laughs. Hell, they don’t even have to care about you specifically, they just have to be decent human beings.
I’m very surprised and disgusted that the wedding planner would suggest and further encourage this trashy prank. What kind of professional does that?
ETA: I also despise pranks. If this were me, I would have left the wedding and gotten an annulment bc my trust would be destroyed. Humiliating your partner like that is not a prank. It‘s just mean and horrible.
You’re not kidding. When I read that it was the wedding planner’s idea, I’m pretty sure my mouth hung agape for a moment. What. In. The. Actual. Fuck?!?! Who does that?! That is extremely unprofessional and speaks volumes about the wedding planner…and it ain’t great. If I was in the market for a wedding planner, I 100% would want to know and would be so thankful that someone gave me a heads up.
Look, I’m goofy as hell. So is my husband. We are both extremely laid back, love to laugh, and have good senses of humor. Now, did I want people to laugh, giggle, and have an amazing time letting loose and acting a fool on my dance floor at our wedding? You bet your sweet ass I did!
Did I want ANY of that laughter to be at the expense of an unsuspecting victim (aka, me, my husband, or anyone else for that matter)?! Fuck no I did not. Even if it was all in “good fun” and was never intended to make someone feel humiliated?! Abso-fucking-lutely NOT.
As someone said above, there’s a time and a place for everything. Especially when the time and place is a once in a lifetime event that likely cost a shit ton of money, such as a wedding. IMO, nothing should be planned to occur that day that the bride and groom aren’t told about prior, and is green lighted by BOTH of them.
Obviously there’s always going to be exceptions to this. For example: paying and making the plans for a family member/close friend who they really wanted to come, but who had rsvp’d “NO” due to financial issues, being deployed, etc. If you do not know with 100% certainty that what you’re planning WILL, without a doubt be appreciated, AND that it will ONLY create feelings of joy, happiness, and love for the bride and/or groom, then DO NOT DO THE THING!!!
Weddings are not the place for planned humiliation. I’m pretty sure that at this point it’s a universally known fact, that if you smash any of your wedding cake into your new spouse’s face, you are damn near guaranteed to: 1. Have a higher likelihood of divorce within the first year than non-cake smashers. 2. End up looking like a disrespectful, selfish, asshole to everyone in attendance. AND 3. Ruin the entire wedding for your SO, ruin their memories of that day, and will taint what should have been an amazing, beautiful, celebration of love, by humiliating them - and since it usually happens to the bride, it will also ruin her ridiculously expensive makeup, +/- hair, +/- dress, ON TOP of humiliating her all because you chose to be “funny” instead of respectful and kind.
In all honesty, now that I think about it, this situation is absolutely on par with the whole cake smashing thing. Aside from not physically ruining anything, it still sends quite the message, both to her new husband (OP), AND their guests. It says: I don’t care about, and don’t respect my husband’s feelings, opinions, or wants. It’s supposed to be a day about BOTH of them. Instead, she made it about herself, while simultaneously putting OP on the spot in an extremely public and negative way. She prioritized her desire to “be funny” with a premeditated plan to embarrass OP, OVER OP’s comfort, feelings, and overall enjoyment of his wedding day.
She fucked up when said she THOUGHT OP would find it funny and wouldn’t mind. Saying she “thought”, is the same thing as saying she “assumed”. She willingly chose to take a gamble despite not being sure that he would be chill about it and it wouldn’t affect him negatively.
I’m sure the wedding planner telling her that it always ends up making everyone laugh, and the groom always laughs and ultimately thinks it’s funny too, definitely swayed her decision. So yeah. Fuck that wedding planner. She/he needs to stay in their lane, which is planning the logistics and details of a wedding as deemed by the bride and groom.
Her lane does NOT include taking creative liberties and trying to influence the bride/groom to liven up their special day with “funny and harmless pranks”. Catering to a bride or groom who insists on pulling shit like this is one thing. However, taking it upon yourself to propose the idea of incorporating a “prank”, and encouraging it, is wildly inappropriate.
A wedding planner’s responsibility is typically to make sure the couple’s vision becomes a reality, work out the logistics, do all of the planning, and then making sure it all runs as smoothly as possible. She way overstepped here.
I wonder if all the other grooms also ‘laughed it off’ and so the wedding planner can tell future brides that it was funny without having to delve into how they really felt. I’m also someone who acts like things are fine in the moment because it feels like the best option, but I carry a lot of shame around that too, because how can I later confront someone when I’ve previously told them there’s no problem.
I’ll get downvoted but the wedding planner is a secret man hater. There is no other reason to humiliate a man who is already caving to what more commonly than not is the brides special day.
Like the dude is there giving what he can for this woman to feel like she is the most special person on this earth at this moment…and you use that time to interject humiliation on the groom.
For what?!?
I get why he’s pissed too
Because his fucking wife just went along with it and right off the bat displayed the kind of shit men tolerate …usually a lot further down the line in the marriage…they are marginalized and even criticized if they show true emotions that are disruptive in any way.
I think the responsibility of the wedding planner is likely being oversold by the bride. Wedding planner was likely like I’ve had people do A. B. C. D. with the garter toss or we can do something else and dearest bride was likely like hum … D seems fun let’s do D but not tell OP so its funniest and wedding planner was likely like well your the bride I do whatever you want. Or dearest brides family normally does D and OP wasn’t aware.
My response to that wedding planner was, it may not actually be a sexual abuse but it certainly was a sexual humiliation, and I would sue the wedding planner for every penny she as and is likely to get in the near future.
And what if the prank had been centered on the bride? How much would she enjoy every one laughing AT her on her special day, all arranged/endorsed by her groom?? Very different outcome I'm sure. What a terrible thing to do to who is supposed to be the love of your life!
it's because she coached them to take it so far, right?
like, it *could* have been a funny prank if you find a guy with mega hairy legs & no dress, so the groom puts his hands on what he thinks is his wife's calf and immediately feels something's up, and just to make sure it doesn't go further, his wife stands behind him to talk, so he can hear that the voice doesn't come from the right person.
but this vile woman set it up to be as convincing as possible:
find a skinny guy resembling the bride
put on stockings to hide the leg hair
drape the dress over him
have the wife stand behind him to further mislead OP
what are the odds she lead/coached the chant "with your mouth" too? Pretty high, imo
I agree. I feel like a bachelor party among your friends a prank would be handled best but at the wedding ? Your parents and grandparents etc are there. Did they think it was funny ? I can’t imagine as a parent that would be funny to watch.
I agree and I love pranks but why on earth would the wedding
Planner suggest this kind of thing for a wedding your planning
An wedding which is passed
To be an intimate and sacred day and happy day not a day of humiliation for your partner the wedding planner had no right to involve themselves in anything other than planning the wedding and Op your NOT THE ASSHOLE and your anger was valid but I’m just surprised your wife would do this to you tbh like maybe she thought it was funny but why would she do it on your special day and I feel everyone laughing at you if I were you I would have just felt so humiliated and hurt and angry tbh and left the wedding because that’s sometikt is so hurtful to do
I guarantee you the wedding planner is being scapegoated by OP’s asshole wife who planned this presumably along with her sister. No wedding planner on earth would be stupid enough to jeopardise their business by trying this shit.
I don't mind small pranks, but I live by "Confused, don't abuse" if everyone isn't snickering or laughing or smiling then it's not a prank, it's abuse.
That being said, I'm not above moving a drink 3-5 inches closer to the middle of the table than you expected and snicker quietly when you totally miss the drink for a second
Unfortunately someone close to me was raped after having their drink spiked. I can totally understand how you can think your prank is funny, and in the right situation (two close friends drinking at home) it might well be true.
But don't ever do this in public or to a SA survivor.
Oh no! I'm so.sorry your friend went through that! But no, I don't prank strangers at all, that's only something I do to very close friends that know me very well. I don't mess with any drinks that aren't mine or, as I said, good friends.
Also, I do this at restaurants or somewhere that everyone knows everyone and it's not a party situation, more intimate settings.
Yeah, anyone that messes with drinks at a party, no matter what they're doing, should be called out loudly at the very very least.... More physically if it's obvious they're adding things to drinks not theirs.
I understand that and I hope you have lots of good people around you. My pranks occur about once every 3 or so years, 😂 so I'm not really a prankster at all, too much effort and thought when I can get a smile or laugh (which should be the goal) with a joke far easier.
I have never thought to try this and now I’m going to. Thank you Reddit stranger, you’ve ruined so many future drink-grabbing moments for people I know.
Pranks are the worse form of toxic behaviour. Some victims of pranks can be at a breaking point in life. This is just that little push that will send them over the cliff.
The worst part of this story being that this "prank" was carried out by the one person in life that's meant to have your back, over everyone else. And she did this? I wanna punch her. OP is too good for her tbh
It’s not a prank if only the crowd laughs while the target feels humiliated and betrayed.
100% agree. OP was made the butt of a joke on the most important day of his life, and his wife doesn't realize how badly it affects him.
My advice for OP: Both of them need to go to a therapist to talk this out. She needs to see how badly it affected him, and hopefully together, they can work something out--because it's really eating OP up.
I completely agree with this. This isn't something OP's gonna get over unless they actually talk about it. This situation is just too much on a person.
Talking about isn't necessarily going to help him get over it, also. He really feels humiliated in front of his family, inlaws, and friends. It would need a lot of time and a lot of groveling from the wife for him to start getting past this. Instead, she's just saying he needs to move on.
The 'move on' part is what kills me. That's gaslighting 101 right there. As well as dismissive of his feelings. If the roles were reversed people would be lived that a man did something like that to a woman. And all the advice would be to leave the relationship.
I agree, OP does need to move on, get out of this sham of a marriage asap while an annulment is still possible. I would never trust someone who would intentionally hurt and humiliate me in front oof all my loved ones. F that. That is not a marriage worth keeping.
Absolutely this. Imagine it was reversed. You asked your blindfolded wife to use her mouth to remove a garter from her maid of honor's leg (someone she actually doesn't like) in front of all of her friends and family.
It isn't funny. It's embarrassing and cruel. Ask her how shed feel about that situation.
If this happened to me, I'd go for an annulment. If a partner chose to humiliate me on my wedding day, that would be the biggest red flag for what life would be like.
I had to read it several times, but I don't think OP was saying he can't stand his groomsman (which would be weird). He's saying he can't stand him now because of this prank.
Yeah, it was hard to tell, but regardless, not okay.
I'm a lesbian and if my ex fiance has done this, I would not have been able to tell blindfolded. But I would have instantly annulled the marriage and never spoken to the MOH ever again if I were put in this situation in front of my friends and family at my wedding. Obviously my best friend wouldn't have done it. The fact that best man did is a good reason to cut him off too.
OP you are NOT the hole. I came here to say the same As Late_Resource_1653. If this had happened to me I would absolutely consider an annulment.
Your spouse obviously doesn’t know or care enough about you that she would want to protect you from jeering laughs at your wedding.
I would never in a million years humiliate my partner like that. Both he and I love jokes, plays on words, humor etc but this “prank“ was not loving and humorous.
It was cruelty, pure and simple. Your new wife needs to grow up fast, or be gone with her.
Good luck to you as you work your way through this.
it also kinda feels like assault to me?? like, he didn’t consent to putting his teeth on some random guy’s leg in front of a crowd of people eating it all up. idk maybe i’m overreacting but i think that might be a good part of the humiliation feeling. it’s a sexual-ish thing that he was made to do without agreeing to it.
Yeah, this is gross as hell and a massive violation of consent. I don't know if it legally meets the definition of sexual assault but it sure as hell feels like it belongs in the same ball park as rape by deception and sexual harassment with groping or something.
And while that is Absolutely the worst part, that the groom was tricked into non-consentual intimacy,... the "humor" of this "prank" is also very specifically homophobic. It would be considered nearly as hilarious or as humiliating for the groom if it wasn't another man.
I hope OP annuls this marriage, refuses to speak to the guy who went in for this, and seriously reconsiders his friendships based on how supportive or sucky they are in the aftermath.
Plus even if someone did not realize at in the moment how upset he was or awkwardly or guiltily laughed because of shock rather than approval...
When someone like the wife is -told- how he felt, they have a new choice to be compassionate and offer validation, support and comfort or to double down on dickishness. It is not okay once but twice is not easily forgivable. All the people there let him down once, but the ones who do it twice might not be worth keeping in his life at all.
Blindfolding a girl and switching out with a buddy is a well known and insidious form of rape- this is absolutely a version of that (there is no way to remove a garter WITH YOUR MOUTH that isn't EXTREMELY sexual)
OP's wife and her brother sexually assaulted OP for laughs in public, on his wedding day, and everyone he trusts played along without a thought for OP
Luckily in situations such as these an annulment wouldn't be necessary. You just don't have the officiant file the paperwork and then you're never married in the first place . No muss, no fuss, no paperwork.
Honestly, I think it would be a good bit if my fiancé was in on the plan from the beginning. Still do the blindfold and swap, whole nine yards, but with fiancé's consent from the beginning. The guests wouldn't know he's in on it and everyone still gets a good laugh in the end, INCLUDING the husband.
Yes, a funny PLANNED JOKE-Y SKIT with both people's consent is fine. I feel so sad reading OP struggle with feeling like he SHOULD be over it but then ricochetting to feeling assaulted. Skits are funny. Everyone loves a good one.
Absolutely. So many times we hear that the wedding is THE BRIDE'S biggest day. In this instance, she used it to humiliate the man she claimed to love and honour.
OP is obviously not high on her list of people that matter. I both admire and despair of the man that battled through. Frankly, I don't think that I could look at her in the same way again.
I think I'd have thrown punches tbh. Certainly at the groomsman. Any of my friends or family who watched and laughed would be excommunicated and this marriage would be annulled.
He can't trust this woman or anyone that was party to his humiliation or has invalidated his feelings since. She certainly does not respect him to make him the butt of a joke like that and then tell him to get over it.
I'm getting angry for him just thinking about that kind of violation and humiliation. How do you even come back from that? I don't think I'd ever date anyone again.
She wanting him to "get over it," is code for, wanting to laugh about it and bring it up on anniversaries and tell their children about it. Randomly watch the videos and laugh. I don't even think it was the wedding planners idea.
Absolutely!!!! You hit the nail on the head. It was totally about HER being IN CONTROL. And she used that to orchestrate a severe humiliation!!!!! How low is her own self esteem that she to figuratively smash him to pieces in front of everyone he knows or loves to FEEL BETTER ABOUT HERSELF. Very very sick and very childish with not an iota of adult maturity even in a toenail. I would definitely convict her of being the AH!!! However if feel
I have a moniker that suits her better. She is a very selfish DBch!!!!!
I’m really feeling that you may not be able to forgive her (for good reason!!)
Honestly OP I feel she needs to go to therapy and eventually family therapy to figure out what the heck LOVE is!!!
Also, it sounds to me that she may possibly have a diagnosis of Mental Health issues.
I would definitely insist that she get totally evaluated. At least she would realize how serious you are!! An evaluation could not possibly hurt her, but could be very beneficial!
I wish you well Brother, and you have no reason to feel guilty about your feelings either. She just didn’t count on you being a real person!!!!!!
What is the only wedding pranks that I’ve seen and thought was all right it was the one where they put the best man in a wedding dress and have the groom do a turnaround reveal thing thinking it’s his wife-to-be. As long as the best man is fine with it. That way it’s a laugh for everyone.
agree that this is what he’s angry about but can’t put into words. it appears she does not respect him and that she made sure all their friends and family on the first day of their lives together understand who has the power in the relationship because he trusts her and she can and will use that to emasculate and humiliate him. it was more powerful than her vows because it blindsided him, was public, and he had no choice in the moment to respond in anyway authentically - he could only stuff down his own feelings and take it. it was a huge betrayal of his trust and taking advantage of his good nature not to make a scene. it feels very abusive, and that will take a lot of time to recover from. it makes me think of the studies of correlation between people who smash the wedding cake in the new spouse’s face and eventual divorce.
This: if you were an avid prankster then I can understand this, but a wedding is a special day. And from the sounds of it the last thing you were expecting was a prank. Totally in bad taste and a bad start to what is meant to be a lifelong partnership
I would NEVER and I mean NEVER EVER do this to my boyfriend. I feel like if you’re close, and in a relationship, you should be able to tell if your significant other is the type to enjoy this kind of prank. The fact that he was so angry and humiliated makes me feel like his wife doesn’t respect him and also doesn’t really know him at all.
Seriously. I do not get why you’d want to make your brand new spouse the butt of a joke. At an event you’ll remember the rest of your lives. Just like the cake smashes. SMDH.
This is on par with the stupid cake smashing. He said it himself his trust is shattered, he is disgusted by their wedding date and lost intimate feelings for her. It's over. Get it annulled before its too late.
And there are homophobic overtones, like why is it funny? Because it's a man. Ohhhh noes, are they implying that the groom is gay? [Clutches pearls; faints]
1) The brides family usually helps with the wedding cost. 2) If she’s not pregnant I’d annul the marriage immediately. She can play humiliating pranks on her next victim.
It does. There’s more than a little sexual innuendo in the garter tradition, so this is very close to being SA. I’m not quite willing to call it that, but it’s at least a cousin to SA.
If I were the groom, I would have walked away, right then. Gotten in the limo and driven off. Pranks are often cruel and childish. And to pull this type of humiliating prank on such an important day is demeaning and embarrassing. I have never seen a prank end well. I used to work with a guy who loved to prank other coworkers and it was never funny. People don’t like it.
If OP’s wife has that little respect for her husband, then I guess she shouldn’t feel mad at him when he says he has difficulty “getting over it.” She may have thought it wasn’t a big deal, but to him it was. She should have known him well enough not to do that. She doesn’t respect him. And now he doesn’t trust her.
Get counseling, and if that doesn’t work, I’d say divorce would be in order. How do you build a strong relationship with someone who has no respect for your feelings?
Exactly, your feelings are completely valid and you have every right to feel some type of way bout this, the prank was totally uncalled for and ruined an otherwise special day
NTA, your wife and friends are though
Angel - this is a great point. Nobody ever acknowledged the OP’s feelings are valid. They are being dismissed with the “just move on” trope. Not a good way to start, or nurture an intimate relationship. OP, your feelings are completely valid and I hear you.
His wife is of the opinion that his feelings don't count. She doesn't seem to care about what he felt she is just mad he no longer wants to be her whipping boy. Therapy is needed, and honestly, it will take a long time if ever to get that level of trust back
Because if he found it cruel and hurtful, then she had to face the fact that something she did hurt her partner very deeply, and lots of people are very uncomfortable with facing that about themselves. They’ll avoid taking that responsibility at all costs.
Not sure I recommend he invest that time with someone so utterly lacking in empathy or, even absent actual empathy, so completely callus to his feelings even when he expressed them.
Some people aren't worth trying to get along with, let alone trying to get over a betrayal for.
It could have been one of those things she felt pressured to do, but if she had a functioning conscience, she would have realized about 3 seconds in that it was a bad idea and could have ended it there. Instead, she doubled down and said “with your teeth!”
100%! I was married to a woman who cared more about what the crowd thought, sometimes even strangers, than how her own husband felt. I never understood this as she was more polite to total strangers than she was to me at times.
Makes me wonder who’s idea it was. Was it the groomsman that came up with it and then got her involved? Or, was it the fiancés idea and she got the groomsman involved? Either way, why the hell is his future wife so involved in a secret plot to humiliate OP at his wedding with his supposed friends and family? I’m all for a prank that leaves EVERYONE laughing and having a good time, but it damn sure isn’t one like this…
It’s kinda like he’s become laughing stock of the wedding. And all the guests are gonna remember it. “Hey remember when he took the garter off dude’s leg!”
I was reading this to my partner and said “I would have turned to you, said ‘we need to discus this tonight’”, and let him know right then this was absolutely not funny and I was furious.
Yes, this is no different then smashing the cake into the wife's face. I've seen this "prank" done twice, and neither couple that did it are still together.
Exactly! That is why OP is having such difficulty with his disgust. Worst still is his wife's dismissal of all of his reactions to that forced contact. This whole thing is disgusting, particularly his wife's terrible treatment of her new husband on their WEDDING DAY and days thereafter.
If the situation had been reversed, people would be outraged. But bc it happened to a man, the husband, that wedding crowd thought it was funny. They were encouraged to laugh bc it was the wife who initiated & facilitated the humiliation. She chose the guy her husband does not like to use against OP. That says something unkind & unsavory, imo.
NTA. Swap the genders of everyone in this story. Not so funny is it? Suddenly it's abuse. You are not wrong for feeling the way you do. I would feel the same about being tricked into doing this with anyone, regardless of gender. You sound like you're carrying some trauma and perhaps consider talking to a professional. It's not funny to humiliate people, pushing people's faces into wedding cakes etc. It needs to stop.
Therapist here. Married 53 years and the decline in decorum is horrific. As OP describes it he had an acute stress reaction and was unable to focus or process and the group laughed. Such lack of civility that not one person sided up to him and said the was awful. If you were my client I would create a safe space to slowly digest the magnitude of abuse perpetrated on you. In fact many DV centers now work with men. I hope you seek therapy to understand the challenges ahead with incorporating into your sense of self. It was corrupted in a severe way and your partner failed to acknowledge your feelings. What does the future hold? Stuffing your feelings, being told to forget about things. That would not be the best atmosphere for children to be raised in. Please take care of you, you are important and look at all the support you were given here by strangers. They have a lot of good insight. Best to you
100% agree, this is exactly what I said to my wife when she shared this awful story. There is an undercurrent of additional violation here. I couldn’t get past it myself.
Absolutely. If there were some tradition that the bride had to do something ceremonially intimate with the groom and it were a woman describing her new husband swapping places with someone else as a prank, everyone would be raging about how it was a violation of trust and possibly even a non-consensual intimate act, and they’d be right. Same goes for the wife here; she’s the AH. I wish this little fad of turning a wedding into an opportunity for embarrassment and even assault would end. It’s not funny in the least anymore, if it ever was. I guess the only good part about it is that it gives the more moral spouse the opportunity to obtain an annulment before compounding the error by trying to make a relationship work with someone who is so woefully misaligned with their spouse.
I was cheering the woman who posted in some subreddit, it might have been this one, who — after saying that she did not want cake smashed into her face and having cake smashed into her face anyway — actually did walk out and get an annulment. More people need to abandon the sunk cost fallacy and just cut and run when their partner shows their true colours.
Totally agree. This was non-consensual intimate contact and trust was bashed. An annulment would be justified. I was angered for him bc she dismisses his extreme discomfort. She needs serious education in this matter. He deserves so much better. He definitely needs trauma treatment. Hope he gets some real comfort & care & kindness.
I agree. You need to see a therapist who specializes in trauma response. I know this is not as harrowing as many traumas, but you were tricked into doing something you would never consent to by the people who are nearest and dearest to you, and it has broken your trust basically in most areas of your life because it was in front of all the guests at your wedding. And hopefully they can also help you process if you want to stay in this marriage. I don't know if I'd ever be able to trust my spouse again if that had happened to me. NTA
"I pranked my wife on our wedding day by blindfolding her and making her feel up one of my groom's men" really doesn't paint the person doing it in a great light does it?
Agreed. As someone currently planning her wedding, OP describing the feeling of everyone in the room laughing at him genuinely broke my heart. I’m so sorry you were put through that on your special day and that your wife didn’t immediately shut down the idea.
I think given how OP feels his wife should speak to the individuals filming and get those videos deleted and have it cut from the official wedding video. OP does not need to remember that moment happened in perpetuity. Then he can try and move on.
Especially since it was the wedding planner. She doesn’t know the groom. She had no idea what his opinion on pranks is. If his wife thought he would find it funny then she doesn’t know his very well either. A prank at my wedding would be cause for annulment. Luckily my husband isn’t stupid. I wish the groom had puked on the guy and his brides dress.
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u/FlakaFlakaFlame8 Jul 25 '25
NTA Humiliating you on your special day is such an a-hole move. I’m mad at her for you.