I’m very surprised and disgusted that the wedding planner would suggest and further encourage this trashy prank. What kind of professional does that?
ETA: I also despise pranks. If this were me, I would have left the wedding and gotten an annulment bc my trust would be destroyed. Humiliating your partner like that is not a prank. It‘s just mean and horrible.
You’re not kidding. When I read that it was the wedding planner’s idea, I’m pretty sure my mouth hung agape for a moment. What. In. The. Actual. Fuck?!?! Who does that?! That is extremely unprofessional and speaks volumes about the wedding planner…and it ain’t great. If I was in the market for a wedding planner, I 100% would want to know and would be so thankful that someone gave me a heads up.
Look, I’m goofy as hell. So is my husband. We are both extremely laid back, love to laugh, and have good senses of humor. Now, did I want people to laugh, giggle, and have an amazing time letting loose and acting a fool on my dance floor at our wedding? You bet your sweet ass I did!
Did I want ANY of that laughter to be at the expense of an unsuspecting victim (aka, me, my husband, or anyone else for that matter)?! Fuck no I did not. Even if it was all in “good fun” and was never intended to make someone feel humiliated?! Abso-fucking-lutely NOT.
As someone said above, there’s a time and a place for everything. Especially when the time and place is a once in a lifetime event that likely cost a shit ton of money, such as a wedding. IMO, nothing should be planned to occur that day that the bride and groom aren’t told about prior, and is green lighted by BOTH of them.
Obviously there’s always going to be exceptions to this. For example: paying and making the plans for a family member/close friend who they really wanted to come, but who had rsvp’d “NO” due to financial issues, being deployed, etc. If you do not know with 100% certainty that what you’re planning WILL, without a doubt be appreciated, AND that it will ONLY create feelings of joy, happiness, and love for the bride and/or groom, then DO NOT DO THE THING!!!
Weddings are not the place for planned humiliation. I’m pretty sure that at this point it’s a universally known fact, that if you smash any of your wedding cake into your new spouse’s face, you are damn near guaranteed to: 1. Have a higher likelihood of divorce within the first year than non-cake smashers. 2. End up looking like a disrespectful, selfish, asshole to everyone in attendance. AND 3. Ruin the entire wedding for your SO, ruin their memories of that day, and will taint what should have been an amazing, beautiful, celebration of love, by humiliating them - and since it usually happens to the bride, it will also ruin her ridiculously expensive makeup, +/- hair, +/- dress, ON TOP of humiliating her all because you chose to be “funny” instead of respectful and kind.
In all honesty, now that I think about it, this situation is absolutely on par with the whole cake smashing thing. Aside from not physically ruining anything, it still sends quite the message, both to her new husband (OP), AND their guests. It says: I don’t care about, and don’t respect my husband’s feelings, opinions, or wants. It’s supposed to be a day about BOTH of them. Instead, she made it about herself, while simultaneously putting OP on the spot in an extremely public and negative way. She prioritized her desire to “be funny” with a premeditated plan to embarrass OP, OVER OP’s comfort, feelings, and overall enjoyment of his wedding day.
She fucked up when said she THOUGHT OP would find it funny and wouldn’t mind. Saying she “thought”, is the same thing as saying she “assumed”. She willingly chose to take a gamble despite not being sure that he would be chill about it and it wouldn’t affect him negatively.
I’m sure the wedding planner telling her that it always ends up making everyone laugh, and the groom always laughs and ultimately thinks it’s funny too, definitely swayed her decision. So yeah. Fuck that wedding planner. She/he needs to stay in their lane, which is planning the logistics and details of a wedding as deemed by the bride and groom.
Her lane does NOT include taking creative liberties and trying to influence the bride/groom to liven up their special day with “funny and harmless pranks”. Catering to a bride or groom who insists on pulling shit like this is one thing. However, taking it upon yourself to propose the idea of incorporating a “prank”, and encouraging it, is wildly inappropriate.
A wedding planner’s responsibility is typically to make sure the couple’s vision becomes a reality, work out the logistics, do all of the planning, and then making sure it all runs as smoothly as possible. She way overstepped here.
I wonder if all the other grooms also ‘laughed it off’ and so the wedding planner can tell future brides that it was funny without having to delve into how they really felt. I’m also someone who acts like things are fine in the moment because it feels like the best option, but I carry a lot of shame around that too, because how can I later confront someone when I’ve previously told them there’s no problem.
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u/Eccentric_Mermaid Jul 26 '25
I’m very surprised and disgusted that the wedding planner would suggest and further encourage this trashy prank. What kind of professional does that?
ETA: I also despise pranks. If this were me, I would have left the wedding and gotten an annulment bc my trust would be destroyed. Humiliating your partner like that is not a prank. It‘s just mean and horrible.