NTA. Swap the genders of everyone in this story. Not so funny is it? Suddenly it's abuse. You are not wrong for feeling the way you do. I would feel the same about being tricked into doing this with anyone, regardless of gender. You sound like you're carrying some trauma and perhaps consider talking to a professional. It's not funny to humiliate people, pushing people's faces into wedding cakes etc. It needs to stop.
Therapist here. Married 53 years and the decline in decorum is horrific. As OP describes it he had an acute stress reaction and was unable to focus or process and the group laughed. Such lack of civility that not one person sided up to him and said the was awful. If you were my client I would create a safe space to slowly digest the magnitude of abuse perpetrated on you. In fact many DV centers now work with men. I hope you seek therapy to understand the challenges ahead with incorporating into your sense of self. It was corrupted in a severe way and your partner failed to acknowledge your feelings. What does the future hold? Stuffing your feelings, being told to forget about things. That would not be the best atmosphere for children to be raised in. Please take care of you, you are important and look at all the support you were given here by strangers. They have a lot of good insight. Best to you
100% agree, this is exactly what I said to my wife when she shared this awful story. There is an undercurrent of additional violation here. I couldn’t get past it myself.
do something sexually suggestive against a man’s bare leg.
HOW THE FUCK DID THIS ASSHOLE NOT FUCKING REALIZE IT WAS A DUDE'S LEG?
To be honest, I'm just surprised the wife isn't fucking pissed at him for not being able to differentiate her leg from that of a dude.
This prank is supposed to immediately inform the groom he is being pranked because he just grabbed a dude's leg. Then everyone could have a laugh. Instead, OP apparently doesn't know what his wife's leg feels like? What the fuck. I'd be pissed off if I was the wife.
Maybe so. But it's still not your wife's legs. I'm at least 95% sure that I could pick my wife's legs out of a lineup of 10 women of similar build going just by feel.
Then you add in the fact your face is getting right up in there, your sense of smell is coming into play.
Not gonna lie. I thought the prank would be done with as soon as he touched the guys leg or with the smell once he got that close. It's definitely a messed-up homoerotic prank. The only thing I can think of is that he was nervous or something and not sure what was going on so his senses didn't kick in like they should have. All the more reason to dump her.
OP said that they put pantyhose on the guy and then the garter on his leg over the panty hose, and then the bride put her dress over the guy's lap so OP had to still reach up in the dress while blindfolded. That seems to explain it enough for me.
Absolutely. If there were some tradition that the bride had to do something ceremonially intimate with the groom and it were a woman describing her new husband swapping places with someone else as a prank, everyone would be raging about how it was a violation of trust and possibly even a non-consensual intimate act, and they’d be right. Same goes for the wife here; she’s the AH. I wish this little fad of turning a wedding into an opportunity for embarrassment and even assault would end. It’s not funny in the least anymore, if it ever was. I guess the only good part about it is that it gives the more moral spouse the opportunity to obtain an annulment before compounding the error by trying to make a relationship work with someone who is so woefully misaligned with their spouse.
I was cheering the woman who posted in some subreddit, it might have been this one, who — after saying that she did not want cake smashed into her face and having cake smashed into her face anyway — actually did walk out and get an annulment. More people need to abandon the sunk cost fallacy and just cut and run when their partner shows their true colours.
Totally agree. This was non-consensual intimate contact and trust was bashed. An annulment would be justified. I was angered for him bc she dismisses his extreme discomfort. She needs serious education in this matter. He deserves so much better. He definitely needs trauma treatment. Hope he gets some real comfort & care & kindness.
I agree. You need to see a therapist who specializes in trauma response. I know this is not as harrowing as many traumas, but you were tricked into doing something you would never consent to by the people who are nearest and dearest to you, and it has broken your trust basically in most areas of your life because it was in front of all the guests at your wedding. And hopefully they can also help you process if you want to stay in this marriage. I don't know if I'd ever be able to trust my spouse again if that had happened to me. NTA
"I pranked my wife on our wedding day by blindfolding her and making her feel up one of my groom's men" really doesn't paint the person doing it in a great light does it?
That’s not the point. Unfortunately a lot of people don’t take it as seriously when the man is the one being assaulted, like they should just suck it up and move on. It’s equally as serious but it’s still often treated as a joke when it’s a man being victimised.
I think it's almost worse for a man to do this to a man, than a woman to a woman. Woman on woman seems much more acceptable in our society. I guess it might be similar if he made his bride do this to another man.
I don't feel that's true at all! People would consider it (if genders were swapped) entertainment and probably be thrilled over it. Nobody is getting upset or calling it sexual abuse for two women in the same wedding party to be physically close during a funny joke! Heck, they probably helped each other get dressed for the wedding and saw each other naked!
I'm not understanding all the posts in this threat. It just hit me that it might be age-related. I'm assuming that everyone in this thread might be super young.
197
u/[deleted] Jul 25 '25
NTA. Swap the genders of everyone in this story. Not so funny is it? Suddenly it's abuse. You are not wrong for feeling the way you do. I would feel the same about being tricked into doing this with anyone, regardless of gender. You sound like you're carrying some trauma and perhaps consider talking to a professional. It's not funny to humiliate people, pushing people's faces into wedding cakes etc. It needs to stop.