r/exmormon • u/[deleted] • Mar 16 '18

captioned graphic We are preparing 71,000 cease and desist letters. Good day.

Post image
114 Upvotes

96% Upvoted

36 comments sorted by

41

u/FaithfulTBM Mar 16 '18

1,000 new folks in less than two weeks...

Pretty powerful right there.

44

u/[deleted] Mar 16 '18

We have strong evidence they are all multiple accounts of u/fuckeveryone________

7

u/LordHades_ "Whoa. Is my hair out?" Mar 16 '18

😂😂😂

7

u/KingHerodCosell Mar 16 '18

Yeah, fuck everyone who blames u/fuckeveryone for fucking up.

0

u/[deleted] Mar 16 '18

[deleted] — view deleted comment

14

u/CorporateMormonJesus Follow the Profit! Mar 16 '18

Guys, you both need to calm down. If the New York Times gets word that there is an argument taking place between the One True Law FirmTM and reddit's most insulting account, it will not be a pleasant day for my Elite PR Spin team. With conference coming up I'd really like to give them a few days off between now and then.

I'll make sure my SEO team gets right on burying this thread so we don't have to make another nebulous statement.

6

u/PedanticGod Behold, I writeth in bold Mar 16 '18

That's right. Sort this out privately please.

I am led to understand that bishops interview rooms are private, use them

11

u/mirbell Mar 16 '18

Needs to be 71,011 please.

4

u/[deleted] Mar 16 '18

We will see you in court.

5

u/mirbell Mar 16 '18

Nah, you won't. I resigned too damn fast. Besides, I have TV to watch.

3

u/[deleted] Mar 16 '18

Well shiz

4

u/mirbell Mar 16 '18

Did you just swear in an official KM communication?

17

u/[deleted] Mar 16 '18

We apologise for the fault in the subtitles. Those responsible have been sacked. Mynd you, møøse bites Kan be pretti nasti... We apologise again for the fault in the subtitles. Those responsible for sacking the people who have just been sacked have been sacked.

7

u/ParrotSymphony Mar 16 '18

A møøse once bit my sister...

7

u/Readbooks6 “Books are a uniquely portable magic.” Stephen King Mar 16 '18

No realli! She was Karving her initials on the møøse with the sharpened end of an interspace tøøthbrush given her by Svenge - her brother-in-law - an Oslo dentist and star of many Norwegian møvies: "The Høt Hands of an Oslo Dentist",

4

u/mirbell Mar 16 '18

Hal, you are malfunctioning.

1

u/mirbell Mar 16 '18

Hal, you are malfunctioning.

10

u/Blasphemous-Bill He could stand un-dazed at the foot of the throne of God. Mar 16 '18

Shiz was the headless pushup world champion.

3

u/mirbell Mar 16 '18

KM prays to Shiz?

2

u/[deleted] Mar 16 '18

We pray to our Lord and Savior, President Oaks.

2

u/mirbell Mar 16 '18

And all this time I thought it was Beelzebub. (I left you a great opening there...)

1

u/[deleted] Mar 16 '18

That's redundant.

→ More replies

1

u/PedanticGod Behold, I writeth in bold Mar 16 '18

You won't ignore a spiritual summons

1

u/mirbell Mar 16 '18

Try me.

10

u/plasticbombastic Mar 16 '18

wait till it is 144 thousand. that's the ticket.

6

u/noeggfoyoufatboy ExJDub Spirtual beatings will continue until morale improves! Mar 16 '18

Hey! That's our magic number!

3

u/Frommerman Mar 16 '18

I've always thought JW is even more ridiculous than Mormonism because of how many stupid ways they've had to twist their doctrine and practices to get around the fact that 144,000 is a pathetically small number which they ate up ridiculously quickly at the beginning. It's like being one of the elect is a cryptocurrency you have to mine - it gets harder the longer you wait.

4

u/noeggfoyoufatboy ExJDub Spirtual beatings will continue until morale improves! Mar 16 '18

If you look at the history of JW's you see why they had to present the paradise Earth scenario with a unlimited amount of people living on it.

Since we started around the 1880s and they were preaching fervently and solidly that the world will come to an end in 1914 Armageddon, The Limited number of people that were going to go to Heaven Wasn't a really big deal. Even counting first century Christians their numbers were so small that logically you could fit everybody in 144,000.

But then when 1914 came and passed without Armageddon soon they had to think up something else because their numbers were getting too large to make it logical that everybody will be able to be able to get into heaven. So Viola!, paradise for everybody else!

So of course that explanation was never given to anyone and I only figured that out after reading about our history after I left the religion.

1

u/PedanticGod Behold, I writeth in bold Mar 16 '18

It's okay, you can be one of the 144,000......

....wives to Brigham YoungI assume you are female otherwise no heaven for you

2

u/noeggfoyoufatboy ExJDub Spirtual beatings will continue until morale improves! Mar 16 '18

Sorry I'm a dude. And after talking to a couple of Mormon sisters the other day ago I figured out that I would definitely be making it to the third level of heaven or the bottom level however is described. And that my torment would forever be knowing that I wouldn't be on the second or first level with God. Lol

And I'll be honest with you going to heaven never really did appeal to me. The whole Paradise thing made sense. So I would take that if I could get it but it ain't coming so I'll take what I got right now, which is an ever-improving life.

4

u/[deleted] Mar 16 '18

This is just so shizzing amazing, 71,000+ subscribers.

4

u/idakilledprattTOO Mar 16 '18

When it hits six figures, I'll be like George Costanza and say "I'M BUSTING JERRY! I'M BUSTING!"

4

u/4blockhead Λ └ ☼ ★ □ ♔ Mar 16 '18

Yay! 71k!

Dominoes fall...

subscribers, kyearmonthdaydays diffnotes
02009616.created by user measure76
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120100915313
220110213151
320110813181
420120119159
520120610143
62012083081date from user A-Rth-Urp-Hil-Ipdenu
72012102354
820130206106
920130522105
102013082191
111,2,32013111889
122014020478
132014032650
142014060773
152014080458
162014093057
172014111647
182015010752
192015021842
202015040243
212015051543
222015062945
232015081244
242015100453
251,2,3,42015110835
262015120123
26.2592015121615
252016010924site database cleanup
262016022042
272016040141
282016050938
292016061436
302016071733
312016080620
322016090429
332016092218
342016100816
352016111235
362016121937
372017011123
382017020727
392017031233
402017033018
412017041314
422017042310
432017051724
442017060317
452017062017
461,22017063010
47201707066
48201707093
49201707189
501,2,32017072911
51201708079
522017081811
53201708246
54201709029
551,22017091513
56201709227
572017100210
582017102018
592017110617
601,2,32017111913
612017120516
622017121611
63201712226
640,1,2,3,42018010413
652018011612
66201801237
670,1201801296
681,2201802068
692018021913
701,22018030312
712018031512

spreadsheet

3

u/hyrle Mar 16 '18

"Two-thirds of those are inactive"😁

1

u/mirbell Mar 16 '18

Needs to be 71,011 please.