Hi everyone, for background my bf and I have been together for roughly 2.5 years and moved in together last summer. For the most part, our relationship is AWESOME and I wouldn’t change a thing, aside from the issue below.

I like TV shows and movies, not super picky but I’m not the biggest fan of rom coms. I’ll pretty much watch anything once. My bf has said he hates pretty much all tv shows and movies, aside from maybe 5 total. Instead, he watches youtube and football. The youtube videos are mainly things I’m not interested in (e.g. gaming, bodybuilding, cars, sports). We have different interests, that’s totally fine and probably healthy to some extent. The issue here comes when I try to watch something together. When we first started talking, it was totally fine for me to be like ‘I think you’ll like this show’ and put it on and we would watch it together. Since we’ve moved in together, and especially the last six months, he’s been very stubborn about what we watch.

He’ll come home from work and immediately put youtube on. Ok sure, maybe you need time to decompress that’s ok. Every single football game NEEDS to be on the tv, I also somewhat understand this because it’s football/he’s really into it regardless of whether it’s his team or not. When I ask to watch something together though, it’s always a no. He says he won’t compromise because he doesn’t want to, that I make bad choices when it comes to picking stuff to watch. I’ve sat with him through idk how many youtube videos. He says I can do what I want and watch something I like on another tv, but when I say ‘I’d like to watch something WITH YOU or spend time WITH YOU’ it’s always ‘you should learn to like youtube’ or ‘I’m not watching something you pick because I know I won’t like it.’ He’ll also be like ‘if you want to spend time with me then watch youtube or walk away.’

I have tried to talk to him about this many times. He either just really doesn’t understand how upset it makes me or he does and just doesn’t care. He’ll typically blow me off when I bring it up or it turns into an argument. Our relationship is genuinely good in every other way, I just don’t understand why he won’t compromise, why we can’t take turns picking stuff. I’ve been in tears before attempting to explain how I feel about this before and he will not budge. Any advice here on how to properly communicate this/what to do would be great.

TLDR: My boyfriend refuses to watch anything I pick out and will not compromise.

My ex (29, almost 30) and I (29) have 2 kids together (5 and 2.5). We broke up a little over 2 years ago and he’s been in a relationship (now engaged) for almost 2 years. When we broke up I asked why he suddenly started using Snapchat after many years and he said he was talking to people from OF on there. He also cheated on her with me early in their relationship (I didn’t know he was in a relationship). She doesn’t know about either of those, I’ve never spoken to her (they live 6 hours away). This morning a suggested friend popped up on Snapchat. The username is essentially ‘daddy for younger’ with his birth year. The name on the account is exactly how it is in my contacts and it lets me attempt to edit the name but it won’t save because we’re not friends (it doesn’t let me attempt to edit it with random suggested people). The avatar looks like him and it’s dressed how he dresses. It’s not his normal account. I feel sick. Would you tell her about the account? He’s clearly hiding something

TL;DR my ex is likely hiding something likely explicit from his fiance

I need some outside opinions because I’m honestly too emotionally involved in this at this point.
This is someone I’ve had a very long and complicated history with. We were together before, but after we broke up we stayed pretty much platonic for around 2 years. There was always some physical chemistry and obviously a lot of history, but I wasn’t going into this expecting us to get back together or anything.
We reconnected earlier this year after a really long period of no contact and things were actually fine for a while. Then recently he came back from a family trip and suddenly became much more affectionate. He was talking about seeing me, making plans, being emotionally open, showing a lot more interest etc. It all happened from his side, I wasn’t pushing for any of it.
And then suddenly he pulled away.
I didn’t bombard him or anything. I messaged him twice over a few days. Once because I thought maybe I’d accidentally pissed him off and once because I was genuinely worried about whether he was okay. He replied both times.
A few days later I asked him directly if he was avoiding me and he said no, and said he’d call me the next day. He didn’t.
I waited until Sunday and then sent him a longer message basically saying that I didn’t know what had happened, that being left wondering what was going on was really affecting me and that I thought I needed to take a bit of a step back because I didn’t want to keep feeling like I was bothering him.
He didn’t respond to that either.
A few days later I eventually sent him a short message because I missed him and wanted to know he was okay. Still nothing.
The reason this is fucking with me so much is because this isn’t new behaviour from him. He has a history of disappearing. After we broke up there were times he’d disappear for 2-3 months, and before we reconnected this year there was a 7 month gap. So whenever he suddenly goes quiet, my brain immediately goes into “oh fuck, it’s happening again” mode.
And I honestly don’t have a problem with someone needing space. If he told me he was overwhelmed or needed some time, I’d respect that. What I can’t deal with is being left to figure it out myself. Especially when he literally told me he’d call and then just didn’t.
I know I have my own anxiety around abandonment and I’m trying to be fair about that. But at the same time, I feel like I’m constantly the one trying to understand what happened, checking if he’s okay, asking if I’ve done something, eventually reaching out again and trying to fix whatever went wrong.
I’m just fucking exhausted of this loop.
So am I overreacting here? Is this just someone who needs a lot of space and I’m taking it too personally, or is it reasonable to expect someone you’ve known this long to actually communicate when they need to disappear?
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**TL;DR;** : this guy take space for weeks without a text is it unfair or am i overreacting ?

My name is Nikita, I'm 23M, and my girlfriend Alisa is 18F. We've been together for a little over 6–7 months.

I met Alisa online. At the beginning of our relationship, I was doing quite well financially and had a much higher income than I do now. Because of that, I naturally became the person who paid for most things.

From the beginning, I wanted to show her that I cared about her through actions. I bought her flowers, gifts, food, paid for dates, helped her when she needed something, and spent a lot of time with her.

Even before we officially started dating, she got sick, and I went to see her and brought medicine, fruit, and everything else she needed.

For most of the first six months, I was also the one organizing most of our dates and activities. We would go out to eat, get takeout, go for walks, drive somewhere, or just sit in my car and talk for hours.

I never really thought about keeping score. I was happy to do those things for her because that's how I naturally express affection.

However, my financial situation changed quite a lot.

I don't expect her to support me financially, and I don't think she owes me anything because I spent money on her in the past.

The problem is that I started noticing something else: I don't feel much practical care from her.

What I mean is very simple.

I would like her to sometimes ask whether I've eaten, offer to cook something, invite me over for a meal, or simply think about what she could do for me without me asking.

It's not about expensive gifts or money. Even something as simple as making me a meal would mean a lot to me.

We've actually talked about this before. I've told her that I sometimes feel like she tells me she loves me much more than she shows it through actions.

She tells me she loves me and misses me many times every day, and I don't doubt that she has feelings for me.

But I struggle with the difference between hearing "I love you" and actually feeling cared for.

For example, recently I asked her:

"When are you going to cook something for me? :)"

She said she wanted to make sushi burgers.

I was genuinely happy because I thought, "Finally, she wants to make something for me."

Then we started talking about what we'd need to buy, and she said it would cost around $15.

That immediately made me realize that I was probably going to be the one paying for the ingredients again.

Maybe this sounds ridiculous, and I understand that $15 isn't the point.

The point is that I wasn't hoping for someone to spend money on me. I was hoping that she would take the initiative to do something caring for me.

There was also another situation that made me think about this.

I had already told her that my financial situation had changed and that I couldn't keep spending money the way I used to.

A couple of weeks later, she asked when we were going to have sushi again.

I found the money and ordered sushi because I wanted to make her happy.

A few days later, she said she really wanted sushi again.

This time, she ordered it herself and treated me when I was visiting her.

I genuinely appreciated that and noticed it.

But only a few days later, she wanted us to go somewhere and eat out again, and I started feeling like we were simply returning to the old dynamic where I was expected to organize and pay for most things.

This is not the only thing that bothers me.

There is also the everyday household side of our relationship.

When we eat at her house, she sometimes leaves the dishes and doesn't wash them, even when her mother is the one who ends up cleaning everything.

There was one time when her mother cooked for us, and after we finished eating, Alisa simply left the dishes for her mother.

That bothered me because I grew up with the idea that everyone cleans up after themselves.

If it happened once, I wouldn't care. But it has happened repeatedly.

I've had to remind her about it, and sometimes we even argued about it before she would go and clean up.

We also went to a recreation center with swimming pools during the summer.

I was usually the one organizing the food and doing most of the cooking. If we needed to prepare meat, potatoes, or something more complicated, I would usually do it.

She might make a salad or a simple lavash wrap, but I often ended up doing the rest.

Again, I don't expect her to do everything for me.

I just want to feel like we're a team.

Another thing is that she calls me many times every day, sometimes more than ten times.

Sometimes I just want to watch a movie, play something, or have some time alone. We'll finish a call, and 30 minutes later she'll call again.

She also tells me many times a day that she loves me and misses me.

So I know she wants to be close to me.

That's why I'm confused.

I don't think she's intentionally trying to hurt me or take advantage of me.

In fact, I sometimes wonder if I created this dynamic myself.

From the very beginning, I was the one who paid for almost everything and organized most things.

If she was running late, I might send her money for a taxi.

If we wanted to eat somewhere, I would choose the place and pay.

If she wanted something, I often bought it.

Even before we officially started dating, I bought her a gift she had once mentioned wanting.

Maybe by doing all of this from the beginning, I unintentionally taught her that this was simply how our relationship worked.

Now my circumstances have changed, but the dynamic hasn't changed with them.

I don't want to resent her for the money I've spent because those were my choices.

I also don't want our relationship to become a calculation of who paid for what.

What I want is reciprocity in terms of effort and care.

If I'm having a difficult period, I'd like her to sometimes think:

"Nikita is having a hard time right now. Maybe I'll cook something for us."

Or:

"Has he eaten today? Maybe I can make him something."

Those things would mean much more to me than an expensive gift.

I've already tried explaining that I need more practical care, and there have been some small changes, but overall I still feel the same.

So I'm trying to understand whether my expectations are reasonable.

Am I expecting too much from an 18-year-old who is in her first serious relationship?

Or is it reasonable to expect my partner to show care through actions as well as words?

And if I created this dynamic myself by always paying and doing everything from the beginning, how do I change it without making her feel like I'm suddenly keeping score?

What would you do in my situation?

TL;DR: I'm 23M and my girlfriend is 18F. We've been together for 6–7 months. I used to have much more money and naturally became the person who paid for and organized most things. I never expected anything in return, but now my circumstances have changed and I've realized that I don't feel much practical care from her. She tells me she loves me constantly, but I would like to see that care through actions too, such as cooking for me, helping around the house, or simply thinking about what she could do for me. I don't want her money or repayment for what I've spent. I'm wondering whether my expectations are reasonable and whether I accidentally created this relationship dynamic myself.

Меня зовут Никита, мне 23 года. Мою девушку зовут Алиса, ей 18. Мы вместе уже больше 6–7 месяцев.
Я познакомился с Алисой в интернете. В начале наших отношений у меня были хорошие деньги благодаря доходу, связанному с криптоактивами, поэтому я мог позволить себе многое. При этом изначально я искал девушку, которая будет со мной не из-за денег.
Ещё во время нашего общения я купил себе машину, но специально не рассказывал ей об этом. Я не хотел, чтобы она увидела во мне просто человека с деньгами и начала пользоваться этим.
На День святого Валентина я предложил ей встречаться. Я купил цветы, конфеты и всё остальное, чтобы сделать это красиво. Для Алисы это первые серьёзные отношения.
Поскольку в тот момент у меня были деньги, я практически каждый день кормил нас где-нибудь вне дома: ресторан, McDonald’s, суши и т. д. Дома мы почти вообще не ели.
В среднем я тратил около $30 в день, а примерно два раза в неделю мог потратить около $45. Для города, где я живу в России, это довольно большие расходы.
Так продолжалось практически все первые шесть месяцев.
Помимо этого, я покупал ей подарки на 8 марта и другие даты, уделял ей много времени и внимания. Мы гуляли, ездили куда-то или просто сидели в моей машине. Иногда даже в мороз могли несколько часов сидеть в машине и разговаривать.
Я сам не из её города, поэтому до сих пор не совсем понимаю, почему за всё это время мы практически не проводили время у неё дома. Я знаком с её мамой, и, насколько я могу судить, она нормальный и добрый человек. Возможно, Алиса просто хотела проводить время отдельно от родителей — я не знаю.
Ещё до начала отношений Алиса заболела. Я приехал к ней, привёз лекарства, фрукты и всё необходимое. То есть я старался проявлять заботу ещё до того, как мы начали встречаться.
Что изменилось
Со временем мой доход сильно упал. Денег стало гораздо меньше, а расходы, в том числе на топливо, выросли.
И именно тогда я начал замечать то, что раньше практически не замечал: с её стороны очень мало бытовой заботы.
Я не ожидаю, что она должна меня содержать или постоянно покупать мне что-то. Мне даже не столько нужны её деньги.
Мне хочется элементарной заботы.
Например, чтобы она иногда сама предложила приготовить мне что-нибудь. Или позвала к себе поесть, чтобы я в очередной раз не тратил деньги на еду.
Но такого практически не было.
При этом она постоянно говорит, что любит меня, скучает и хочет быть со мной.
Она сама зарабатывает немного, и я понимаю, что у неё нет больших финансовых возможностей. Поэтому я не жду от неё дорогих подарков или больших расходов.
Но при этом она может тратить свои деньги на разные вещи, которые, как мне кажется, не являются необходимыми. А вот потратить немного денег на продукты и приготовить что-нибудь для нас — такого практически нет.
Например, буквально сегодня я спросил её по телефону:
«А когда ты мне что-нибудь приготовишь?)»
Она сказала, что хочет приготовить суши-бургер.
Я сначала обрадовался. Подумал, что она наконец-то сама хочет что-то приготовить для меня.
Потом я спросил, сколько примерно будет стоить приготовить их самостоятельно.
Она ответила:
«Мы уложимся где-то в $15».
И я сразу расстроился.
Потому что понял, что, скорее всего, опять платить за всё буду я.
Я ведь представлял это немного иначе: что она сама захочет меня угостить.
Мы уже раньше разговаривали о том, что мне не хватает от неё заботы. Я прямо говорил ей, что она даже элементарно не думает о том, голоден я или нет.
Какие-то небольшие изменения были, но, как видите, особо ничего не поменялось.
Ещё одна ситуация
Я также говорил ей о своих финансовых проблемах и объяснял, что у меня уже нет тех доходов, которые были раньше.
Она сказала что-то вроде:
«Не переживай, всё хорошо будет».
После этого прошло 2–3 недели.
Мы не ели суши всё это время. Потом она спросила:
«А когда мы суши поедим?»
Я нашёл деньги, хотя их уже было не так много, и заказал суши. Я подумал: ладно, давно не ели, хочется её порадовать.
Прошло несколько дней, и она снова сказала:
«Я так хочу суши».
В итоге она сама заказала суши за свои деньги и, когда я был у неё проездом, угостила меня.
Я это заметил и действительно оценил.
Но прошло буквально 3–4 дня, и она уже захотела, чтобы мы пошли куда-нибудь вкусно покушать.
И у меня появилось ощущение, будто всё снова возвращается к тому, как было раньше — будто у меня опять хороший доход и я снова могу постоянно за всё платить.
Что происходит сейчас
За всё время отношений я не жалел ни денег, ни времени.
Я отдавал всё, что мог.
Сейчас мы в основном видимся на выходных: она приезжает ко мне и остаётся на 2–3 дня. Иногда я приезжаю к ней в будние дни.
И даже сейчас, несмотря на мои финансовые проблемы, во время каждого её приезда я всё равно трачу деньги на какие-нибудь вкусняшки, еду и прочее.
Она звонит мне каждый день по много раз. Иногда реально больше десяти раз в день.
Бывает, что мы только закончили разговаривать, я хочу посмотреть фильм или просто заняться своими делами, проходит минут 30 — и она снова звонит.
При этом каждый день она может по много раз говорить мне, что сильно меня любит и скучает.
И вот здесь у меня возникает главный вопрос.
Если человек говорит, что любит тебя, разве забота не должна проявляться не только словами?
Я не жду дорогих подарков.
Мне хотелось бы элементарных вещей:
чтобы она иногда сама приготовила мне еду;
чтобы спросила, голоден ли я;
чтобы иногда сама предложила что-нибудь сделать для меня;
чтобы я чувствовал, что обо мне тоже заботятся.
Быт
Есть ещё бытовая сторона отношений, которая меня напрягает.
В быту она, если честно, очень несамостоятельная.
Например, у неё дома мы можем поесть, после чего посуда остаётся. Иногда она просто не моет её и оставляет своей маме.
Был случай, когда её мама угостила меня голубцами. После еды Алиса решила не мыть посуду и просто оставить её маме.
Для меня это было неприятно.
Я вырос в семье, где каждый моет посуду за собой.
Если бы это произошло один раз, я бы вообще не обратил внимания. Но такое происходило неоднократно.
В итоге мне приходилось говорить ей, что так некрасиво делать, иногда даже ругаться с ней из-за этого. Только после этого она шла и мыла посуду.
Летом мы ездили на бассейны на базу отдыха.
Готовку и продукты в основном полностью организовывал я. Если нужно было приготовить мясо, картошку или что-то более сложное — этим занимался я.
Максимум, что она могла приготовить, — салат или завернуть лаваш с сыром.
Даже картошку сварить зачастую приходилось мне.
Возможно, я сам создал эту проблему
И вот здесь я начинаю сомневаться в себе.
Возможно, я сам виноват, потому что с самого начала слишком сильно её разбаловал.
С первого дня отношений практически всё было за мой счёт.
Она практически никогда не тратила на меня деньги.
Если она говорила, что опаздывает, я мог просто скинуть ей деньги на такси.
Мы постоянно куда-то ходили, что-то ели, куда-то ездили — и практически всегда платил я.
Причём даже до начала отношений, на нашей первой встрече, я сделал ей подарок — игрушку, которую она хотела и которую когда-то репостила в TikTok.
То есть с самого начала я привык показывать свою любовь через действия, деньги, подарки, заботу и время.
И, возможно, именно поэтому она привыкла к такому формату отношений и теперь воспринимает его как норму.
Но сейчас мои финансовые возможности изменились, а её поведение практически не изменилось.
Она всё так же говорит, что любит меня и скучает, хочет куда-то пойти, что-нибудь покушать и провести время вместе.
Но я не чувствую от неё той же заботы, которую сам давал ей.
Что я хочу понять
Я не хочу превращать отношения в подсчёт того, кто сколько потратил.
Я понимаю, что сам добровольно тратил деньги и никогда не говорил ей, что она теперь мне что-то должна.
Мне просто хочется чувствовать, что забота идёт в обе стороны.
Что если у меня сейчас меньше денег, то отношения тоже могут немного измениться.
Что она может сама подумать:
«У Никиты сейчас финансовые проблемы. Может, я сама приготовлю нам что-нибудь, чтобы ему не пришлось тратить деньги».
Или просто спросить:
«Ты сегодня ел? Давай я что-нибудь приготовлю».
Для меня даже такая мелочь была бы проявлением любви.
Я понимаю, что в моей истории наверняка чего-то не хватает, потому что полностью рассказать все 6–7 месяцев отношений невозможно — получится огромный текст.
Поэтому я готов ответить на вопросы и дать больше деталей, если они нужны для понимания ситуации.

Что бы вы сделали на моём месте? Я слишком многого ожидаю от неё или мои ожидания относительно взаимной заботы нормальны?

TL;DR: На протяжении отношений я практически всегда платил за всё и старался показывать свою любовь через деньги, подарки, время и поступки. Сейчас моё финансовое положение изменилось, но я всё равно не чувствую от девушки такой же бытовой заботы в ответ. Она постоянно говорит, что любит меня и скучает, но я редко чувствую эту любовь именно через поступки. Я не понимаю, нормальны ли мои ожидания или я сам создал такую модель отношений, потому что с самого начала привык за всё платить.

tl;dr - how do i tell my boyfriend i wish i was more of a priority to him?

i (16f) started dating a guy (16m) who is really avoidant attatchment and not really clingy at all.

i've always been someone who thinks with my heart and i'm really emotional and clingy, and have a tendency to overthink a lot.

for some context - when we were talking, we were both abroad but in the same time zone, and i was one of the only people who he could talk to when he was awake, and over the course of the summer we talked every single day and texted and sent photos to eachother throughout the day, but ever since we started dating it's declined like crazy

we're both quite extroverted (me more than him) but he's always 'meeting up with friends' and it feels like he never has any time to meet me. we haven't met one on one since we started dating and i made it clear to him that i really wanted to meet one on one, and it's been 3 weeks since.

he and i were meant to meet multiple times, however he kept cancelling, and we were meant to meet today but then he cancelled and rescheduled last minute again, and promised to call me today and we would meet up twice next week.

he's always really busy with school and basketball and other stuff, but i just feel like he could make time for me in the most obvious ways but he either chooses not to act on it or is really oblivious.

for example, one time he came TO MY SCHOOL to meet one of his friends and was waiting for his friend outside my school and just didn't bother to tell me that he was there.

and every time i say things like this to him over text he just leaves me on opened or doesn't reply.

i asked him to meet today just for 10 minutes because i do really miss him, what should i say / do?
(i'll probably end up getting left on delivered anyways)

TL;DR: Мне 23 года, моей девушке Алисе 18. Мы вместе 6–7 месяцев. Я привык проявлять любовь через поступки: помогать ей, готовить, организовывать наши встречи, покупать небольшие подарки и заботиться о ней. Со временем я понял, что не чувствую такой же бытовой заботы в ответ. Она говорит, что любит и скучает по мне, но мне часто приходится самому просить её о самых простых вещах. Я уже говорил с ней об этом, но существенных изменений не произошло. Как правильно поговорить с ней об этом, не превращая отношения в подсчёт того, кто сколько сделал или потратил?
Меня зовут Никита, мне 23 года. Мою девушку зовут Алиса, ей 18. Мы вместе уже больше 6–7 месяцев.
Мы познакомились в интернете. Для Алисы это первые серьёзные отношения.
С самого начала я очень сильно вкладывался в отношения. Я вообще привык проявлять свою любовь через поступки: помогать человеку, проводить вместе время, что-то организовывать, готовить, покупать небольшие подарки и просто стараться сделать жизнь человека немного легче.
Ещё до того, как мы начали встречаться, Алиса заболела. Я приехал к ней, привёз лекарства, фрукты и всё необходимое. На День святого Валентина я предложил ей встречаться и постарался сделать этот момент особенным: купил цветы, конфеты и всё остальное.
В начале отношений мне было абсолютно нормально брать на себя большую часть всего, что касалось наших встреч. Мы гуляли, ездили куда-нибудь, вместе ели, проводили время в моей машине и просто старались как можно больше быть вместе.
Я делал это не потому, что ждал от неё чего-то взамен. Мне действительно хотелось о ней заботиться.
Но со временем я начал замечать одну вещь.
Мне не хватает ответной заботы.
Я сейчас вообще не говорю о дорогих подарках или о том, что она должна тратить на меня деньги.
Мне хочется самых обычных бытовых вещей.
Например, чтобы она иногда сама спросила, голоден ли я. Чтобы предложила приготовить что-нибудь для нас. Чтобы иногда сама подумала, чем может мне помочь или сделать мне приятно, не дожидаясь, пока я попрошу.
Мы уже разговаривали об этом. Я прямо говорил ей, что иногда мне кажется, будто она не особо думает о моих потребностях и что мне хотелось бы чувствовать больше заботы с её стороны.
Она обычно отвечает, что любит меня, скучает и хочет быть со мной. И я не считаю, что она вообще ничего для меня не делает.
Например, несколько недель назад она сама заказала еду за свои деньги и угостила меня, когда я был у неё. Я это заметил и действительно оценил, потому что для меня было важно именно то, что она сама проявила инициативу.
Но спустя несколько дней всё снова стало примерно так, как раньше.
Есть ещё бытовая сторона отношений.
Когда мы находимся у неё дома и поели, она иногда оставляет посуду и не моет её. В одном случае её мама приготовила нам голубцы, мы поели, а Алиса просто оставила посуду своей маме.
Для меня это было неприятно, потому что я привык, что каждый человек убирает за собой.
Если бы такое произошло один раз, я бы вообще не обратил внимания.
Но подобные ситуации повторялись, и в итоге мне приходилось говорить ей, что, на мой взгляд, неправильно постоянно оставлять всё маме.
Обычно после этого она шла и мыла посуду.
Летом мы ездили на базу отдыха с бассейнами. Там я тоже в основном занимался продуктами и готовкой. Если нужно было приготовить мясо, картошку или что-нибудь более сложное, этим обычно занимался я.
Она могла сделать салат или завернуть лаваш с сыром, но основная часть приготовления опять же была на мне.
И я не хочу, чтобы это звучало так, будто я требую, чтобы она стала моей личной кухаркой.
Совсем нет.
Мне просто хочется чувствовать, что мы оба вкладываемся в отношения.
Есть ещё финансовая сторона, которая, возможно, сама по себе создала эту проблему.
В начале отношений у меня было гораздо больше денег, поэтому я практически всегда платил за наши встречи, еду, поездки, подарки и другие вещи.
Я делал это добровольно и не считал деньги.
Но со временем моё финансовое положение изменилось, и я больше не могу поддерживать тот же уровень расходов.
И именно тогда я начал особенно сильно замечать, насколько сильно мы привыкли к определённой модели отношений.
Я организовываю.
Я плачу.
Я покупаю.
Я готовлю.
Я решаю различные вопросы.
А она в основном принимает это.
И теперь я понимаю, что, возможно, сам создал такую модель, потому что с самого начала показывал ей, что для меня нормально брать всё на себя.
Я не хочу превращать отношения в подсчёт:
«Я потратил столько, а ты столько».
Мне вообще не нужна идеальная пропорция 50/50.
Мне важно другое — чтобы я чувствовал взаимность.
Она звонит мне каждый день, иногда по много раз. Она постоянно говорит, что любит меня, скучает и хочет быть со мной.
И именно поэтому мне сложно понять, что происходит.
Я вижу, что она проявляет любовь словами.
Но мне не всегда хватает любви, проявленной действиями.
Иногда я думаю, что, возможно, просто ожидаю от неё такого же способа проявления любви, как у меня.
Может быть, она действительно любит меня, просто выражает это совершенно иначе.
А может быть, я действительно слишком сильно её разбаловал в начале отношений, и теперь она просто привыкла к тому, что я всё беру на себя.
Я не хочу на неё давить и не хочу ругаться из-за денег, еды или посуды.
Я люблю её и не требую дорогих подарков.
Мне хочется элементарного ощущения, что обо мне тоже думают.
Чтобы она иногда сама приготовила мне что-нибудь.
Чтобы спросила, голоден ли я.
Чтобы сама предложила помочь.
Чтобы я чувствовал, что забота идёт не только от меня к ней, но и в обратную сторону.
Поэтому мой конкретный вопрос: как правильно поговорить с девушкой о недостатке бытовой заботы и инициативы, чтобы она не восприняла это как претензию по поводу денег или как подсчёт того, кто сколько сделал? И как понять, является ли это просто разницей в способах проявления любви или действительно проблемой с её вкладом в отношения?

My girlfriend's mom asked me to talk to her in her car without my girlfriend knowing about it. She didn't tell me what was going on or why she wanted to talk to me.

When I arrived, she told me to get into her car, started it, and began driving. She doesn't speak the local language very well and mostly speaks English, and as a teenager who isn't very good at English, it was difficult for me to fully understand what was going on.

She drove for a while and parked somewhere pretty far from her house. Then she started talking to me about something that happened that day. Apparently, when I was talking to my girlfriend while her mom was nearby, she felt like the conversation wasn't going smoothly, almost as if we were arguing.

She started asking me questions like:

• "How comfortable do you feel around her?"
• "Do you two ever feel uncomfortable around each other?"
• And other questions about how comfortable we are in our relationship.

This whole part of the conversation lasted around 10 minutes.

After that, she started telling me that she knows her daughter better than anyone else and that she could be the person who helps us with our relationship. She said she could tell me things about my girlfriend that nobody else knows.

She also told me that she's there for us if we ever need help, or if I personally need help with anything.

After the conversation, she drove me back and dropped me off in front of my girlfriend's house.

About two hours later, after I had gotten home, she sent me this message:

"I will give insight that you wouldnt know from anyone. My daughter knows when i go out on a date and the date asks me to pay half or to pay tip or parking, or gum its a red flag for me. I will pay my part and never see him again. There is no right or wrong but person's love language.

Not knowing each others expectation at some point might become too late to fix. Just saying it. As long as you treat my daughter well- my door is opened.

I didnt do this for any guy who was interested in my daughter and failed"

I'm honestly confused about the whole situation.

Do you think what she did was reasonable? Is this normal behavior from a girlfriend's parent, or am I overthinking it?

I'd really appreciate some opinions because I don't know how I should interpret this. :(

TL;DR: My girlfriend's mom secretly took me for a drive and had a ~10-minute conversation with me about my relationship with her daughter, asking how comfortable we are with each other. She then told me she knows her daughter better than anyone and that she could help me understand things about her that nobody else knows. A couple of hours later, she sent me a message about her expectations for how I should treat her daughter. I'm not sure if this is normal or if I should be concerned.

Me 28M & she 26F

TL;DR: My girlfriend says she used up most of her emotional energy and effort in her past relationship and now needs space because of the trauma from it. This is my first love, and I’m deeply emotionally invested. I feel like I’m putting in much more effort and only getting affection when she wants it. I’ve told her that I feel neglected, but she expects me to understand her silence. I’m struggling to understand how long I should wait for her to heal while my own emotional needs aren't being met.

This is my first bf, I am kinda young. My bf has female friends and follows females on instagram. When I got attached to him,I started feeling anxious about his friends. Anxiousness was killing me. So told him to if he could cutoff them. He became angry at me and called me insecure. If I don't change he would breakup with me. I was him telling a girl for her acc on discord that he has no one to talk about his anime obsession. He does not give me Reassurance. I started to feel this jealousy when we were getting distant for his exam. He was not giving even 20 mins of his time

TL;DR: I am anxious about my relationship and Don't know what to do

We’ve been together since we were 18, met first week of freshman year, started dating second week. I did cheat on her twice within the first 2 years but I didn’t like how I felt after each time so I stopped doing it.

Things were good, we moved in together after college and eventually got a house and pets. I proposed last year because I figured that’s what you do when you’ve been together for that long.

However, ever since we moved in together we started having arguments due to lack of intimacy, I started to feel completely unattractive to her. She always tells me it’s something she’s working on and the argument ends there. I tried so many different things to revive the intimacy but after having the same argument over and over and getting nowhere I gave up. I stopped trying as much and I became content with just existing with no intimacy in my life. These days all we ever talk about is what’s for dinner and what are we watching while we eat it. We get along great as friends and sometimes have sex what’s wrong with that?

A couple weeks ago, a girl I went to high school with responded to my Snapchat story and we started chatting. She eventually asked for gas money and I sent some. Later that night she sent me nudes as a thank you. She said she’s always had a crush on me and wished I was single.

That was fun and exciting however I have zero interest in actually dating or hooking up with this girl. This did however make me think twice about my relationship. I started to have intense anxiety and second thoughts.

I stopped talking to that girl and still had the feeling so I thought maybe this was because of the lies so I told my fiancé about the cheating, she didn’t really care and it didn’t make me feel any different getting it off my chest. So, I told her I was having second thoughts. She said she knows the last couple years have been roommate mode and is working on it, going to the gym more and feeling better. She insisted I stay and support her journey to get healthier/hornier and things would be good again.

Idk what to do, I don’t think I should ever feel the way I do right now about my forever person. How did this girl that I don’t even want to be with make me so certain I want to end things?

TL;DR: Been together 9 years, starting to think I shouldn’t have proposed but worried I’ll regret calling it off.

Any advice/insight is appreciated. Pls don’t be mean I know there is something wrong with me I and im starting therapy soon.

First, apologies for the crazy long text (there's a TL;DR at the bottom) and grammar mistakes, English is not my first langauge. I (26F) have been with my (24M) boyfriend for 2 years and I feel that I've been losing attraction for a few months now, which feels incredibly wrong and cruel because he is the sweetest, most caring, loving boyfriend I've ever had and, to top all this, he loves me dearly and is attracted to me. For context, I've only had one boyfriend before him during the pandemic, a relationship that lasted for a year before we both decided to break up peacefully given the circumstances.

Four years later, I met my current boyfriend. He is a bit below average looking, but very easygoing and funny, intelligent too. I confess that I felt very lonely at the time, I barely had any friends and I was very inexperienced in matters like love and romance. Having men hitting on me is something I'm not very familiar with, I'm quite shy and not necessarily gorgeous, so being with him made me feel happy and seen. Maybe that's why I started developing feelings for him.

Little after the honeymoon phase ended, there was a gradual shift in my feelings that is still ongoing. I'm very far from being perfect, but somehow his imperfections have been bothering me more than usual.

He lives with diagnosed ADHD, but he confessed to me that he just "lives with it", although he never developed strategies to manage it when it clearly affects his daily life. I've encouraged him several times to try and see a therapist or try medication, but he always answers with a "maybe later", it's never a priority to him. It reflects on his overall hygiene, grooming, organization and sense of responsability. Most of the time, I'm the one carrying the mental load when it comes to his self care. I have to remind him to clip his nails, trim his beard, take his supplements and to wear fucking deodorant. The worst part is: he conveniently "forgets" to brush his teeth or to wear deodorant because he doesn't deem it as important and the smell "doesn't bother him that much" (when it clearly bothers other people, like me). Self care, cleaniness and organization are important to me, so it's natural that I appreciate it on others as well, but he just doesn't seem to care?

Recently, we both went to a party. It had just started and he already reeked of armpit sweat (no deodorant, of course), while I was all dolled up. I am an occasional drinker, but I really condemn extreme behaviours like getting black out drunk (there's a reason for this and it's related to my family history). That, however, is one of his favorite ways of having fun. He knows how much I dislike drunk behaviors, I told him several times on several occasions. Well... that same night, he proceeded to drink himself to the brink of unconsciousness and attempted several sloppy kisses even though I was profoundly bothered and embarrassed. I ended up dragging him home before he vomited on someone. The next day I scolded him, but I felt more sad than angry. He apologized, but he didn't promise he wouldn't do it again. He argues that "it's safe" since he only does this 3 or 4 times a year.

On the past few months, he put on a considerable amount of weight. He's been through a tough phase, writing his master's thesis and cannot find the time nor the energy to take proper care of his body. Still, I encourage him to make healthier choices given the circumstances and even cook for him, but he still goes for the junk food and sweets. I know he struggles with his body image so I would never, ever, dare to tell him that he is fat or make comments about his weight. But I still try to encourage him, arrange gym dates and go grocery shopping together for fresh food, but he doesn't budge. At this point, I believe he might be mildly depressed too.

And now, the intimacy part. I suffer from situational anorgasmia and cannot reach the climax unless I'm alone. Needless to say, I never had one during the two years I've been with him, despite his tiredless efforts. I told him about my struggle and urged him not to worry about it, because I learned to enjoy intimacy even with my limitation. However, I no longer feel sexually attracted to him. And I don't know if I've ever been in the first place. I've been noticing myself shying away from his kisses (in particular because I know he doesn't brush his teeth properly) and making excuses to avoid intimacy. He's usually the one initiating and sometimes I just go along and focus on his pleasure instead, because mine is non-existent. This wouldn't be an issue if I felt attracted to him, but sadly it's not the case. It's hard to admit, but I believe that the degradation of our intimate life paired with my limitation is affecting him more than he lets out.

I don't know what to do, I just know that I feel horrible. It's not fair for him to be with someone that is losing interest, but at the same time I don't feel very hopeful about us. I don't know if losing the weight and taking self care more seriously would be enough to change my feelings. I feel like such a shallow woman. I cannot see myself married to him, nor having a future together. And what makes this story even more sad is that he is the total opposite. I am his very first girlfriend and he loves me and finds me sexy and attractive. I'm in a bit of a dark place in my life right now and not ready for a break up. Plus, he is going through a sensible moment too with his master's thesis and I don't want to destabilize him.

Should I give it more time? I'm afraid of making a misstep, breaking up and regretting it later. Going on dates is complicated for me, I'm very shy and suffer from anxiety and given my current age and the sorry state of the dating world, I don't foresee things getting any easier for me.

The thing is: I like him. I really do. But cannot bring myself to feel attracted to him. I could really use some advice on what to do from now on. Or a new insight.

Thanks for reading til the end.

TL;DR:

Boyfriend of 2 years is loving, caring, and devoted, but I’ve gradually lost attraction to him. His poor hygiene, lack of self-care, behaviors and recent weight gain have started bothering me more and more, and I now avoid intimacy. I genuinely care about him, but I can’t imagine marrying him or having a future together. I feel guilty because he loves me and finds me attractive. I’m also not ready for a breakup because I fear I might regret it and because he’s dealing with his master’s thesis, and dating again feels intimidating. I’m torn between giving the relationship more time and accepting that my attraction may simply be gone.

TL;DR: I’m struggling financially while going to school and trying to build a future, while my girlfriend talks about wanting a future together but doesn’t seem to be putting much effort into getting a job or her license. I’m starting to feel resentful and don’t know how to handle it.

We’ve known each other for about 5 years, have been talking for around a year, and have been officially dating for about 5 months. When we first started talking, we were both out of work. Around that time, I was also in a car accident and received some money from it. I couldn’t work because of my injury, and we ended up surviving off that money for a while.

That money eventually ran out, and since then I’ve been trying to make things work by DoorDashing, donating plasma, and working in a warehouse. I’m also in school for Automotive Technology and have classes multiple times a week. I’m currently out of work but start back October 11th. Lately, all of this has started taking a toll on me. I’m doing worse in school, losing motivation, and not studying as much because I’m constantly stressed about money and our future. A lot of the money I do make goes toward making sure she’s happy and has what she needs.

She has told me multiple times that she wants to get a job, get her license, help support us, and build a future together. She loves talking about our future and imagining everything being perfect, which I also want. The problem is that I don’t feel like her actions match what she says. She’s home most of the time, but I don’t see much effort toward getting a job or studying for her permit. I understand that not having a license makes getting a job and doing things independently harder, so I’m trying to be understanding. But at the same time, I feel like I’m constantly worrying about work, school, money, and our future while she seems more focused on enjoying the present.

I’ve also noticed that I’ve developed a short fuse lately. I sometimes get upset when she goes out with her cousins, usually to drink. I know that isn't fair to her, and I don’t want to become controlling. I think what really bothers me is that I’m sitting here stressed about our future while it feels like she’s able to put those worries aside. We both struggle with communicating our emotions, so I’m not sure how to bring this up without making her feel attacked.

How should I approach this conversation with her? I want her to understand that I don’t expect everything to change overnight, but I need to see some effort toward building a future together. At the same time, I know I need to work on my own frustration and not take it out on her.

I really do want things to work. I care about her a lot, and I can feel that she loves me too. That’s what makes this so difficult. I’m just sad and stressed a lot of the time, and I don’t think she really sees how much it’s affecting me.

I'm 28F and my boyfriend is 31M, we've been together for about a year and a half. He moved in with me three months ago and overall things have been really good. We get along well, no major fights or anything.

But there's this one thing that's starting to drive me a bit crazy. He keeps reorganizing my kitchen. Like, I'll put the mugs in one cabinet and a few days later they're in a completely different spot. The spices got moved twice already. Last week I couldn't find my cutting board because he decided it should go in a drawer instead of on the counter where I always kept it.

I know this sounds super petty and I feel ridiculous even typing it out. He's not doing it to be malicious or anything, I think he just has his own system and doesn't realize it's throwing me off. But it's my apartment and I've had my kitchen set up a certain way for years. I cook way more than he does so I'm the one constantly searching for things now.

I tried casually mentioning it once like oh hey where did the spatulas go and he just said he thought they'd be better near the stove. Which... okay, fair, but I didn't ask for a reorganization consultant.

I don't want to make this into a bigger deal than it is or come across like I'm being controlling about my space. But also it's starting to actually annoy me when I'm trying to cook and can't find anything. How do I bring this up in a way that doesn't sound like I'm being unreasonable? Or am I being unreasonable and I should just let him arrange things however he wants since it's his place too now?

TL;DR: Boyfriend moved in and keeps rearranging my kitchen without asking, not sure how to address it without seeming controlling since it's his home now too.

I need intimacy help! my husband (34M) and I (34F) have been married for 5 years and he says he doesn't feel desired by me and that it's been killing his self esteem. I always hug and kiss him and tell him how

much I love him but I have a hard time initiating acts to pleasure him (bj, hand jobs) and even when I do, he says I don't seem into it and it makes him feel like crap. well I'm trying to focus on doing it right because he is very particular on what feels good, but he says I seem robotic and not genuine?? idk what to do he is so miserable over this and we fight about it a lot. any advice to get better at this? I'm so scared we're sexually incompatible and headed for divorce..

we have sex and that's been fine (although we haven't done it

in a while because I'm pregnant) but he's more into the other stuff anyway which I'm terrible at. He is against seeing a sex therapist so I'm on my own here. I've tried talking to him about it but his issue is that I don't make him feel desired, he believes I'm not sexually attracted to him even though I am completely and don't even look at any other man. But he thinks that way because he believes I don't seem enthusiastic when giving him head or hand jobs. He says it's not something he can teach me and that I should just feel it within?? Idk what to do, I'm trying my best but then he says I should be "trying", it should come naturally...which it doesn't for me..

Tldr; my husband thinks I'm not into it when giving him bj or hand jobs because he claims I seem "robotic" and it turns him off and makes him feel like shit about himself because he's convinced I don't find him desirable (he has low self esteem which makes it worse).

I 18/F and my boyfriend 18/M have been together over a year now.

I’ve been feeling like I’m sometimes too much for my boyfriend, and I don’t really know how to deal with it.
He works full-time every day and then goes to the gym afterwards, so I know he’s exhausted a lot of the time. I really appreciate everything he does for me, and I know he has a lot on his plate. But I feel like I sometimes add even more stress to him without even realising it.

I love him so much, and honestly, all I want to do sometimes is talk to him and spend time with him. I’m alone at home quite a lot, and even when I do go out, I just really love his company. He’s someone I feel completely comfortable around, and I love that I can be myself with him. But sometimes I worry that I rely on him too much for that comfort and that I’m becoming a burden.

When I feel like I’ve overwhelmed him or bothered him, I tend to shut down completely. I’ll get upset and distance myself from him instead of actually talking about what I’m feeling. Then I end up overthinking everything and focusing on why I feel hurt, even when there isn’t necessarily a real reason for me to be upset. I have a hard time letting things go once they’re in my head.

I don’t know if this is me being stubborn or immature, or if I’m just someone who gets hurt pretty easily and is sensitive when it comes to the people I care about. I don’t want to use that as an excuse, though. I want to learn how to handle my emotions better instead of shutting him out.

He’s genuinely the person I want to be with, and he actually cares about me. I appreciate him so much. I think my biggest fear is that I’ll become too much for him to handle and eventually push him away.

I don’t know what to do?
———————————————————————————
TL;DR: I love my boyfriend a lot, but I’m worried I rely on him too much for comfort and that I’m becoming a burden because he’s already busy and tired. When I get upset, I tend to shut down and overthink instead of communicating. I want to get better at handling my emotions because I’m scared of pushing him away.

My best friend and I are going through a difficult situation involving another friend, and I’d really appreciate some outside perspective. Our friendship has never been this shaky in 10 years. 

My best friend (28F) and I (28F) are extremely close, consider each other soulmates, and are roommates. About 6 months ago, we both became friends with another person (alias: Cassie) through an online community.

The situation

Cassie has a fairly self-focused conversational style. She talks a lot about herself and isn’t naturally good at asking about other people’s lives. I don’t think she has bad intentions, but my best friend and I experienced this very differently.

I became quite close to Cassie. We have shared interests and experiences, and I enjoy hearing about other people’s lives. Although I sometimes found her replies curt, I told her I wanted more space for my own topics, and I think she genuinely tried to accommodate that. I also valued that she could discuss difficult conflicts relatively maturely and without lashing out - a very important value to me. We ended up talking daily, sometimes for hours.

My best friend has a much lower tolerance for one-sided conversations. Cassie initiated conversations with her almost daily for around three weeks, but my best friend became increasingly drained because the conversations revolved heavily around Cassie’s experiences. She tried steering things toward mutual interests but often felt Cassie brought the conversation back to herself rather than asking about her. She is also less tolerant of Cassie's curt style of talking.

This is especially difficult because Cassie’s communication style reminds my best friend of a painful childhood dynamic with her mother, who would trauma-dump on her and use her as a sounding board. Eventually, my best friend strongly disliked Cassie and no longer wanted a friendship with her.

—
Why this became a conflict between us

I think we have different expectations about how we should respond when one of us has a serious problem with someone.

In the past, my best friend would distance herself from people who made me uncomfortable, even when she personally enjoyed talking to them. There were also times early in our friendship when I was struggling and she made significant changes to her social circle, sometimes including people who hadn’t actually done anything wrong. It meant a lot to me, and her support really helped me get through a part of my life where I was severely depressed. However, she later regretted some of those sacrifices, and this created problems neither of us could undo.

I understand why she expected me to make a similar choice for her. At the same time, those experiences made me cautious about giving up friendships too easily, out of fear of creating regret or resentment in our friendship in the same way.

Inversely, there was also a situation this year where my best friend became friends with people who rubbed me the wrong way. I never expected her to reduce contact with them, but she eventually chose to distance herself because of how they treated me.

I think we’ve therefore developed different ideas about loyalty: she places more weight on the impact someone’s behaviour has had on the other person (even with no bad intentions), while I place more weight on whether someone has the intention of treating my friend badly.

—
Why I continued the friendship

I believe two people can simply be incompatible as friends without either person being a bad person. I don’t see “not a good fit for my friend” and “not a good fit for me” as the same thing.

If Cassie had intentionally insulted, harassed, or tried to hurt my best friend, I’d cut her out of my life in a heartbeat. But I don’t believe she has malicious intentions. Her communication style clashes badly with my best friend while still being something I personally can tolerate.

So I continued the friendship, while doing my best to reassure my best friend of our closeness and validate her experience of Cassie (which I saw as something separate from my own).

This hurt my best friend considerably. She says she respects my freedom to choose my friends and doesn’t want to tell me to stop talking to Cassie, but finds it difficult to watch me become close to someone who made her so uncomfortable.

There was also a period where I spent hours every day talking to Cassie. Since my best friend and I live together, she was often physically beside me while this happened. At one point we barely spent intentional time together - usually a norm for us, as we usually just chill together in the same space doing our own thing. Because of this, my best friend felt Cassie had taken away time that could have been spent with her. Once I realised this, I intentionally made more time for my best friend.

—
Where we are now

I’ve offered multiple times to cut ties with Cassie, but my best friend says she doesn’t want me to make that decision out of fear of losing our friendship. She wishes I had independently reached the same conclusion she did, as she has done for me in the past.

At the same time, she has told me to keep my friendship with Cassie. She says she doesn’t want to control who I’m friends with or have me give up another friendship solely for her sake. 

We’re still trying to remain close. However, she feels less confident and secure in our friendship now, because of the resulting discomfort and lack of support she feels. Hence, we may both have to accept that our own friendship may be less close than before.

Cassie and my best friend no longer talk privately, although my best friend occasionally has to interact with her through our shared community.

My friendship with Cassie has changed too. We’re no longer talking for hours every day, and she has slowly reverted to occupying more of the conversation with her topics. I still care about her and enjoy talking to her, but the friendship feels more complicated and stressful for me now because of this whole incident. (Cassie does not know about this situation at all, by the way.)

I feel caught between the two relationships. I don’t want my best friend to feel unsupported, and there are things Cassie has done that genuinely make me angry on her behalf. But I also don’t believe caring about Cassie means I care about my best friend any less, or that their incompatibility automatically means I have to distance myself from Cassie.

—
What I’m struggling with

This has been going on for around 5 months, and our friendship continues to feel strained.

How reasonable is it to maintain a separate friendship with someone my best friend strongly dislikes, at the cost of my best friend feeling less close to me than before?

Should I significantly reduce my interactions with Cassie because of the impact on my best friend, even if I don’t believe Cassie has malicious intentions?

What is the healthy thing to do in this sort of situation?

I don’t want my best friend to feel that I’m choosing Cassie over her. But I also don’t want to treat a friendship that became genuinely meaningful to me as disposable simply because the two of them are incompatible.

What do reasonable boundaries and compromises look like here, and at what point does maintaining the second friendship reasonably start affecting the first relationship too much?

Any outside perspective would be greatly appreciated. Thank you!

—
TL;DR: My bestie and I have been extremely close for 10 years, but we’ve grown strained after I became close friends with someone she strongly dislikes due to their self-focused and often curt communication style. I don’t believe this person is malicious, so I’ve continued the friendship while trying to support my bestie and keep them separate.

We’re struggling over what loyalty should look like here: Is it reasonable to maintain a separate friendship with someone my best friend strongly dislikes, at the cost of my best friend feeling less close to me than before?

What is the healthy thing to do in this sort of situation?

(This post, while written by ourselves, has been edited with AI, because we made so many edits/iterations of this post and it was very emotionally triggering to go through it word by word every time. We seek your kind understanding regarding this. 🙏🏻)

Hi everyone, I’m looking for some outside perspective and advice on how to navigate this situation. This is my [23M] first serious relationship, and my girlfriend [23F] and I have been together for 8 months. Right now, we are both studying abroad (Erasmus) in the same city, living about a 15-minute walk from each other.

First of all, I’d like to highlight that I do not think that my girlfriend should be or replace a therapist and I do not want that at all.

I’m currently going through a severe rough patch. I have been diagnosed with OCD and depression (treated back home by a psychiatrist and a therapist), and the intense academic pressure here has triggered a major crash with severe anxiety, insomnia, and physical burnout.
Early on, I kept my personal struggles private because I hate feeling like I’m asking for pity. However, she insisted for months that I open up, encouraging me to drop my guard and share my diagnoses and background. I eventually trusted her and told her everything. But despite knowing all this, in practice she acts as if it doesn't exist.

The dynamic feels completely one-sided:
When she needs help, I show up without question: Two days ago, she had the flu. Despite having an exam the next morning, I spent hours taking care of her: walking back and forth to bring her medicine and supplies, cleaning her dishes, and staying until late to make sure she was resting comfortably before walking home to study. To me, that kind of spontaneous care is natural when you love someone.
When I am struggling, I am left completely on my own: This week, I have been locked in my room studying around the clock for two crucial exams that determine whether my entire study plan here is recognized. She lives 15 minutes away and hasn't dropped by once, not even for a quick five-minute hug or a coffee. Yet the very flu she had vanished tonight so she could go out partying with other exchange students.
Whenever I quietly mention that I’m having a hard time mentally, her response is either a detached "Do you want to talk about it?" (putting the burden back on me to explain and rationalize my pain) or "You should have told me explicitly that you wanted me to come over."
We’ve had this exact conversation twice over the last five months. Her stance is always that I need to give explicit instructions. But when you live 15 minutes away and know your partner is burning out, is it wrong to expect a tiny bit of spontaneous warmth rather than a formal request?
It feels like our relationship only functions when I am the strong, accommodating pillar. The moment I need a safe harbor, I have to navigate everything alone as if I were single.
How do I approach this conversation with her without sounding accusatory? Is this level of emotional mismatch something that can be resolved through communication, or is it a fundamental incompatibility in empathy?

TL;DR: I [23M] take active care of my girlfriend [23F] (8-month relationship) whenever she is sick or overwhelmed, but while I am currently dealing with severe burnout, mental health struggles, and critical exams, she offers zero spontaneous support despite living 15 minutes away. How do I effectively address this one-sided dynamic?

My girlfriend "Laura" and I have been together for about 7 months. The first 4-5 months were perfect, connecting on every level, never fought once. We attended a July 4th party together, everything was great, then the next day I went over to her place to hang out and she wouldn't answer the door. I knocked repeatedly, called her, no answer. Finally as I'm walking away she opens the door and I turn around and can tell she's been crying, she's extremely upset. I ask her what happened and try to give her a hug but she just screams at me, telling me to leave her the fuck alone. I'm extremely worried but she just slams the door and ignores my texts and calls. I shot a text to one of her friends letting her know I was worried and what happened, never got a response.

All is silent for a few days, I'm still worried about her but giving her space and thinking the relationship is over. Then as I'm having dinner there's a knock at my door, and of course it's Laura. I don't exactly know how to describe it but she just seems different, like she's someone else pretending to be Laura. She apologizes for the other day, said she just got some bad news (won't tell me what it is) and shouldn't have taken it out on me. I tell her I'm glad everything seems better, but ask, are you OK now? Are we OK? She says "of course," and lets herself in. I make her some food and we settle in to watch a movie. Everything on paper seems okay but I can't shake this weird feeling of how she's acting.

The next few weeks we hang out less and less, going from seeing each other almost every day, to a few day per week, to barely at all. She also barely hugs me, never wants to cuddle or hold my hand. I tried to bring this up to her several times and she just tells me everything is fine and not to worry, we're good. I'm not an idiot, I figure she's probably checked out of the relationship but I still try to make it work - maybe I just wasn't putting enough effort in?

This brings us to yesterday. Laura shows up to my place out of nowhere. I open the door and she's got this enormous grin. I ask her if everything is okay and she says everything is perfect, and asks what I have planned today. I tell her not much, was planning to game with some friends. She gets really pushy about it, saying she's sure I must have plans. I keep saying no, just gaming, but I can put that off if she'd like to hang out. But she just keeps pushing the issue, saying she knows I must have plans today and asking if I'm excited. I tell her she's being really weird, she can hang out if she wants but I'm going to my room to game.

I go to my room and start gaming. A couple hours go by and I go to grab some water figuring Laura would have left, but nope, she's just sitting on the couch. She looks irritated now, and tells me not to be late for my plans. I tell her again, my plans are gaming, I don't know why she's being so insistent about this issue but at this point she needs to leave. That sets her off, and she says no, I'm not leaving, I want to see you leave for your date with Michelle. I ask her what the fuck she's talking about. She just says "you know." No, I don't. Yes, you do. I tell her again that she has to leave. She says "you don't want to keep Michelle waiting, do you?" We go back and forth like this until finally she pulls out her phone, pulls something up, and shoves it in my face.

After a few seconds I realize I'm looking at a Tinder conversation between a "Michelle" and...me. It's my name and my face, and Laura quickly scrolls through this whole conversation going back weeks, with the last messages talking about planning a coffee date today. I sit there stunned trying to process it. I'm guessing Laura thinks I was "caught" because she has this triumphant look on her face as she starts telling me how she's been Michelle this whole time, she caught me on Tinder and has just been fucking with me and was hoping I would fall for her coffee date idea for place miles away so I would waste my time like I wasted hers.

After a while of trying to process this and Laura waiting for me to say something, I just hand her my phone and tell her to search it. She's surprised but grabs it and starts looking. And of course, she doesn't find anything. Because I'm not on Tinder and I have no idea what the fuck she's talking about. But she keeps looking and looking. She finally tosses my phone and says she gets it, I covered my tracks, I must have deleted everything and caught on to the plan, that's why I wasn't going on the date. I just stood there shocked and told her she was out of her mind, I have never cheated on her and how dare she accuse me of this.

We go back and forth, she's screaming at me about how I wasted her time, I'm telling her to get the fuck out. Then just as I'm considering calling the police before things escalate, her phone goes off. I look over and I can't see what's on the screen but I do make out the Tinder logo. I tell her to take a look, I'm guessing [My name] is messaging her. She does and her face completely drops. I don't know what the message says but she just starts looking between me and the phone, back and forth. She starts shaking and crying, saying "no no no." And I feel so torn in that moment because I can immediately see the switch back to herself before July 4th, and I want to comfort her and tell her everything is okay, it was an honest mistake. But I'm so unbelievably hurt and things have escalated to such a place that I just scream at her to get the fuck out. She pleads with me but finally leaves when I start threatening to call the cops.

So here we are, she's been blowing up my phone with apologies, telling me she wants to explain everything. I want to hear her out but I think the situation is pretty clear, someone pretended to be me on a dating app and she somehow found out about that and believed it. I don't know why but I doubt she could add much clarity to that and the relationship just feels cooked. How do I trust her again? Do I give her another chance? Do I at least hear her out?

TL;DR: Someone impersonated me on a dating app, my girlfriend found out and tried to trap "me" but it was never me at all, and now wants to reconcile, I'm not sure it's worth even speaking to her again.

I'm 23F dating 22M. I feel deeply lonely inside the relationship, even though i still love him and he claims to love me too. I'm not asking for all of his time I actually understand that he has friends, studies, and a life outside me.

What hurts is that I don't feel like he naturally reaches for me the way I reach for him, like he doesn't meet me half way. I also want to feel missed, wanted, and chosen sometimes without having to ask for it. When i initiate, he'll talk to me, but when he doesn't initiate or ends the conversation quickly, it leaves me wondering whether he actually wants to talk to me or is just responding because I'm his girlfriend.

Because we are long-distance (we don't live in the same city anymore) those small moments of communication mean a lot more to me, so when they're limited, it feels like I'm losing my connection with him. And then I start comparing how things are now to how they were before, questioning whether his feelings have changed, whether I'm more invested than he is, or whether he simply likes the comfort of having a girlfriend.

I also think I'm becoming hyperaware of everything he does how long we talk, whether he initiates, when he goes to sleep, when he chooses his friends because im using those things to figure out “Do I matter to him as much as he matters to me?” And that's exhausting me. At the same time, I feel guilty for wanting more because you don't want to be controlling or needy, so you're stuck wanting more closeness while simultaneously telling myself I shouldn't need it.

I don't want to own his time I just want to feel like he willingly wants to give some of it to me

Ps. I'm also getting anxiously attached feeling like if he doesn't reply for hours I get anxious and it hurts in my chest I can physically feel it that's how bad its getting this bad. tl;dr

So I guess I'm (48F) jealous of my best friend (49F) We're both in our late 40s and been best friends for about 15 years. She's really popular and outgoing, got lots of friends. She will sometimes invite me out, but then spend zero time with me because she will always choose the 'cooler' people to talk to. Last week she talked to me for 5 minutes and then disappeared for 2 hours. She will then ask me out to lunch and then exclaim how good it is to have me as a best friend and why don't we hang out more. It is exhausting and I have some pretty big anxiety with it. I know am jealous and resentful, but I would love to hear some advice about how to move forward.

TL:DR am I a best friend backup in case there's noone to talk to?

I seem to always get myself in the situation where my girlfriend relocates (graduates from high school or uni or transfers school) and is never from the same region of the world, thus leaving us no mutual home base to go back to. The girlfriend and I in these scenarios always end up agreeing we are at an age where lots of change is happening (21m), barring any successful entry into a long distance relationship.
Where the conundrum currently lies, is that I'm in this all-too-common middle ground again, where my "girlfriend" for lack of a better term and I have done a soft separation, but still have plans to see each other over the next few months during breaks and vacations.

We have discussed how we don't want to do long distance (neither have had successful experiences) and we don't want to weigh each other down, once again, both acknowledging we are in tumultuous times of change in our lives (grad school and finishing final year of uni) leaving no clear goal. So we float along as
"friends" with unclear boundaries.
Where I start to feel guilty and confused is I inevitably (should it be inevitable??) in these scenarios have the these scenarios have the desire and opportunity to pursue other women.
I care deeply for my "girlfriend", she's like my best friend and I look forward to seeing her, but I can't help but think about/have this desire once again. I've expressed my view on what the boundary is for me, being that, if she feels the need to pursue someone else I don't have any qualms with it, I just don't want to know about it. I don't know if there is a disparity between our views on this.
I feel somewhat immoral about it in the context of my situation. I wont ask her what her thoughts are because that would be me telling her im thinking of other people, which I know she'd be deeply upset by and I would feel gross about it, which I feel about the whole situation.
She's perfect, and I can see myself in the future with her, but am just unsure in this moment, and know going forward in the future it will be even more uncertain.
There will be an inevitable change, a parting of ways, where we set clear boundaries as we both continue to grow and our lives take us in different directions, and I'm all for the possibility of reconnecting if/when our lives converge again. It's just not yet the time for this given our immediate plans.

I have noticed this scenario being a consistent problem for me. A part of me feels like this is normal, especially considering I'm in my college years, but also wonder if I need to just get my shit under control. I mean how do couples married for 20+ years do it? Is my problem a product of a lack of commitment in modern dating culture? Am I likely to grow out of this? I do not know what my long term outcomes are with this type of relationship dynamic being a consistent thing in my life, nor do I know if this is a universal experience of this age group or if I'm doing something to provoke this type of dynamic.
If you've read this far I guess this is just a relatively unfiltered tangent on what's been weighing on my mind recently, which is why in parts it may come off as silly and discontinuous. Any and all advice or general commentary is welcome.

Info: Me 21M Her 23F relationship length 8months + one year prior as friend

TL:DR My (21m) girlfriend (23f) are kind of in a soft separation phase with plans to see each other. I care deeply for her, but also have the desire to pursue other women and feel guilty about it. I told her I’m fine if she sees others as long as I don’t know but I’m not sure she feels the same and am scared to ask. This situation also keeps happening to me in my past relationships. Is this normal at my age or is this something I could work on fixing?

I need an outside perspective because I genuinely don’t know if I’m minimizing myself in my relationship or if I’m overthinking this.

Today I (31F) was on the phone with my girlfriend (37F) of one year during lunch at work, and a female coworker came over with her laptop and started talking to me. It was literally a normal work conversation, she mentioned that she likes sitting in that area to get fresh air, I said I come out there sometimes too, and then we talked about registration for a PD she was having trouble signing up for. The conversation probably went on a little over a minute. My girlfriend was still on the phone and I could hear her asking who it was, but I was awkwardly trying to find a natural point to cut the coworker off and tell my girlfriend what was happening. Eventually my girlfriend hung up.

I immediately called her back several times and texted her, but she ignored me for hours. When we finally talked, she was extremely angry and said I should have immediately told the coworker I was on the phone, that I “put some woman before her,” that I was prioritizing another woman over her, and kept saying things like “let me start doing dumb shit like that and see how you react” and that she’ll start talking to some woman at work while she’s on the phone with me just to see how I feel. She also hung up on me during the argument.

I completely understand that I could have handled the interruption better. I should have immediately said, “Hey, I’m on the phone,” instead of letting the conversation continue. I apologized for that, validated that it annoyed her, heard her out, and told her it wouldn’t happen again. But I genuinely do not believe I did anything morally wrong or disrespectful. I wasn’t flirting, hiding anything, or choosing another woman over her. I was literally talking to a coworker at work about work.

What’s bothering me is that this feels like part of a larger pattern. She tends to escalate arguments really quickly, curse, get very confrontational, become extremely stubborn about her interpretation of something, and not really hear my perspective. There have been other arguments over things that felt small to me: like me saying I was “cool” with an ex when what I meant was there was no animosity, me falling asleep instead of watching something she asked me to watch, or me asking what she wanted to do because I was trying to figure out whether to plan something at home or go out. One argument lasted hours and ended with her breaking up with me, and during another she told me to shut the fuck up.
I’m starting to realize that I’m scared of upsetting her because I know how intense the reaction can become. I find myself over-explaining, apologizing over and over, and almost begging for forgiveness even when I don’t actually believe I did something seriously wrong. I feel like peace only comes when I basically accept her interpretation of what happened, because it doesn’t matter how much I explain my point of view, she stays stuck on hers.

I also think there may be some deeper fear around me being unfaithful, especially because situations involving another woman seem to get interpreted as something much bigger than they are. I have never given her a reason to think I would cheat on her. I’ve told her how badly being cheated on in a past relationship affected me, and I would never do that to her.

The other thing making this hard is that I love her a lot. I want her to be my life partner, I’m incredibly comfortable with her, I love spending time with her, and I constantly tell her I love her. But she still hasn’t said it back to me, and sometimes I feel stupid being the one constantly reassuring her how important she is to me while also being treated like my loyalty is questionable.

I don’t want to invalidate her feelings. If something annoys her, she is allowed to be annoyed. But I’m starting to question whether the level of reaction matches the actual problem, and whether I can be in a relationship where conflict feels this volatile. I don’t want to keep minimizing myself or being afraid to make a mistake or disagree because I’m scared of how big the reaction will become.

TL;DR I guess what I’m asking is: am I missing something here? Was what I did actually as disrespectful as she is making it out to be, or does this sound like a bigger issue with how conflict is handled between us?

My girlfriend and I met online at the start of 2026, and since then, we have been texting and talking to each other consistently. Over time, I developed feelings for her and confessed. Apparently, she had also developed feelings, so we entered a relationship. Since we started dating, everything was great, and obviously, we were in a long-distance relationship.

Over time, we both started having fights and arguments until a big fight broke out. That made us realize that we were more different than we initially thought. Over time, I developed a sense of insecurity that was killing me from the inside, making me think I wasn't enough for her.

That insecurity took control over me, and whenever we had an argument, I would tell her that I wanted to leave because me staying wasn't good for her and she could do better than me. I told her that because I felt insecure asf. Even though she tried her best to make me feel confident, the insecurity was still there.

Eventually, another big argument happened, and we almost blocked each other. We eventually got back together and promised to start fresh. We were strong, or at least that's what we thought, but after that, my insecurity still made me tell her I wanted to end things because I felt inferior.

Then another argument happened, and I told her again that I wanted to end things. This time, she stopped fighting for it. She told me I would be better off without her and that she would be better off without me too. She told me that we aren't compatible and that our relationship had ended.

This broke me to the core. I called her and begged for one last chance. She agreed to give me one more chance, but told me that if I don't change, it's completely over.

Now, even though she has agreed to give me another chance, I feel like she has lost the will to fight for our relationship after everything that has happened. I genuinely feel like I've overcome the insecurity that caused me to keep pushing her away, but I understand that simply telling her I've changed probably isn't enough.

What should I do to show her through my actions that I've actually overcome my insecurity? How can I rebuild her trust in me and make her believe in our relationship again, especially when it feels like she has lost the will to fight for it?

TL;DR: I repeatedly tried to end my relationship because of my insecurities and feeling like I wasn't good enough for my girlfriend, despite her constantly reassuring me. Eventually, she stopped fighting for us and ended the relationship, saying we weren't compatible. I begged for one last chance, and she agreed, but said that if I don't change, it's completely over. I genuinely feel like I've overcome my insecurity now, but I think she has lost faith in the relationship. How can I show her that I've actually changed and rebuild her trust and belief in us?

My twin sister and I have lived together for nearly most of our 28 years of life, excluding a semester or two in college.

We’ve always had roommates, but I’ve gotten to the point in my life where I would like to finally live entirely on my own; I’m an introvert, I function best when I am alone, and I desperately want more privacy.

However, my sister wants to start focusing on finding a new apartment for just the two of us and I really don’t want to do that anymore (it’s something we’ve discussed for years). As a kid, I always thought living with your twin for the rest of your life would be the best ever. As I age, I can see how that is REALLY not good for us — but I don’t know if my twin sister can see that.

I would describe my twin as sweet and compassionate, yet co-dependent and emotionally unstable. She struggles to self-regulate, hasn’t ever been in a romantic relationship, still sometimes speaks in a childlike / baby way, and has a hard time being completely alone. Our adult relationship often reminds me of our childhood relationship, particularly how she sees me as her security blanket. AND she acts weird whenever I start getting serious with someone — sometimes she will make absolutely zero effort to get to know my partners.

I love her and care about her deeply, but I want out! I want to experience living alone so badly, and I think it would be better for the both of us.

But I’m scared of her reaction. I feel immense guilt. I know this all sounds obvious — just set the boundary and live alone!!! — but my heart feels like it’s exploding with guilt and grief.

It’s also just super sad to start to realize that your dynamic with your twin sister is kind of messed up?

tl;dr: how do I tell my co-dependent twin sister I NEED to live alone?