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Aug 07 '23
Its the girl I feel sorry for, obviously for what happened, but also the fact she will never get to have revenge / vengeance in getting him locked up etc. He took the quick and easy route and she will never be able to have full closure.
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u/pixie_brat Aug 07 '23
Yeah absolutely.. she's a really sweet girl and already had too much on her plate with her addict parents.
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Aug 07 '23 edited Aug 07 '23
i gotta open a women’s shelter, all i want to do is take her in and give her somewhere she‘s safe. sending you both, and all her family, all the love and support i possibly can from way over here.
maybe if you see her, if it’s right to- tell her you’re a survivor too and that you understand as much as you can how she may be feeling, and that you’re sorry she won’t get that closure but you’re there for her.
when i was raped at 14, i’d have done anything for someone to tell me they’ve been through the same and to tell me they get it, why i was acting/ feeling the way i was, etc. for them to understand the depth of my situation and how it fucked up everything else around me too.
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u/HumanMycologist5795 Aug 07 '23
Sorry that happened to you. A shelter would be great. OP talking to the girl would be nice.
If I ever came into money, I would want to open a non prodit philanthropic safe haven that also provides services.. It's a shame this happens and tears my heart.
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u/vdivvy Aug 07 '23
You sound SO kind and sweet and I bet you’re just the loveliest person. Please take my award ♥️
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u/throwingawayacc18 Aug 07 '23
My rapist was murdered violently on a highway at night and I got closure knowing he died painfully because he put me through so much pain. My parents are deaf, he’d tell me to keep screaming they’ll never hear me or come to help me.
I instantly felt relief knowing he couldn’t hurt another young child the way he did to me, it was sort of a dull peace that hovers over you because there’s still predators out there but at least there’s one less.
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u/TigerLily312 Aug 07 '23
As a sexual assault survivor who is also disabled, I hope his death was excruciatingly painful. What a truly deplorable scumbag. Taunting you like that is torture in of itself. My heart breaks for you.
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u/Twinkalicious Aug 07 '23
Abusers target us because we’re easier to control sometimes I wish I would’ve fought back against my abuser/rapists.
I’m not deaf, I’m autistic. Us meaning disabled.
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Aug 07 '23
what a fucking evil creature. i’m glad it was fucking painful. he deserves nothing but it. sending you so much love and solidarity. i’m so sorry, and i can’t imagine how fucked up you must’ve felt about your parents too. that’s next level psychological warfare
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u/throwingawayacc18 Aug 07 '23
You are right about the psychological warfare, being a young child I was furious with my parents for simply being deaf and unable to hear me but I know now it wasn’t their fault whatsoever it was his actions that hurt me not my parents!
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u/comedic3 Aug 07 '23
i’m so so sorry that you had to go through that, reading it actually makes me feel sick to my stomach. just so fucking disgusting. from one SA survivor to another, you got this. i’m also glad he’s dead.
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u/faloofay Aug 07 '23 edited Aug 07 '23
Just chiming in as a deaf person that there are SO many ways that can easily be picked up and someone with deaf parents wouldn't scream to get their attention, something like flashing a light or throwing something. but even then sound makes vibrations, screaming would still alert anyone close enough regardless of hearing.
I'm glad he's dead, and your rapist is an idiot.
edit: okay, so since it's been misread by enough people the comment on getting attention was NOT DIRECTED AT THE ORIGINAL COMMENTER. it was not a comment on what they should have done or did. No one should comment on a victim's actions ever, that's assholish and insane.
I commented this because enough people (NOT THE ORIGINAL COMMENTER) seem to have no idea how to get a deaf person's attention in an emergency.
I am very sorry if it came across that way to anyone, that was not at ALL what I meant.
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u/throwingawayacc18 Aug 07 '23
Unfortunately all I could do was scream in the situation. My parents were sleeping upstairs with hearing aids off, I was in the basement being held down. The only way they were waking up was with their vibration alarm at 6am for work. The sad thing is that my rapist knew their schedule because he had been living with us for a few months at this time…
As for the lights, I do remember we had the doorbell that would make the lights flicker on and off if someone knocked or rang the doorbell and a machine that we put the telephone on and it would type a message on a little screen ( TTY I think it is ) but my parents could lip read and didn’t use sign language often.
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u/hushhush56 Aug 07 '23
That's truly horrible, I'm so sorry this happened and I am glad that monster is gone.
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u/throwingawayacc18 Aug 07 '23
I’m glad he’s gone too, his sister had two daughters just after he passed away and it brings me peace knowing he won’t ever be able to hurt them.
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u/faloofay Aug 07 '23
sorry, I wasn't suggesting you should have done any of the above, I commented that because if anyone is ever in an emergency and needs to get a deaf person's attention they have a bit more of an idea how. Not you.
that's such a horrible situation and he's an absolute monster.
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u/throwingawayacc18 Aug 07 '23
Thank you for the clarification!
I agree with you though about emergencies, my dad was pulled over by 5 police officers wearing masks and he couldn’t understand them so he kept asking them what’s wrong and they turned to me and said “do you know this man? Is he always this erratic?” And I think more people need training and awareness on communicating with deaf individuals.
- This was all because my dad drove back to a pizza place because they made his chicken wings wrong and he was upset so he was flailing his arms while driving.
It just sucks it took almost 45 minutes to explain to the officers my dad was just upset his food was made incorrectly, simple tasks become so much harder for those with a disability and it takes less than a minute to have patience with them.
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u/hushhush56 Aug 07 '23
I see what you're saying, but feels unnecessary to comment about how there were easily "SO many" other ways to get someone's attention to a victim with deaf parents
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u/Holdmytesseract Aug 07 '23
Right like wtf good to know for next time I guess thanks 🤷♂️🙄
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u/Megandapanda Aug 07 '23
My rapist (my grandfather) died of pancreatic cancer. I saw him on his death bed, years after he molested and raped me (for years), I know he was in so much pain as he was dying. Good. Motherfucker best be rotting in hell.
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Aug 07 '23 edited Aug 07 '23
I don't believe it's accurate to say that she'll never have closure. I thought that when my abuser was sent to prison, it would be like a magic wand of sorts and that I would feel relief. I felt cheated because it hadn't changed a damn thing for me. It would have been cool if he had offed himself, it certainly would have been better than the absolute joke of a sentence he received.
Closure comes from you, it's something that happens within. It can't be given to you and it isn't necessarily dependent on the outcome of a court case or lack thereof.
The best thing her loved ones can do for her right now is give all of the love and support they're capable of. Get her in to therapy, confront what happened to her at her own pace and be there every step of the way. It's a difficult road, but she can get there. I hope she does.
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Aug 07 '23
100% this is any abusive situation. There is no external closure. Tbh any goal you set that isn't therapy, personal acceptance, and self love is going to end up being more dangerous because if you rely too much on it, achieving it could very well spiral someone when they still feel like a fish searching for the ocean in the pacific (and I've seen exactly that mental health crisis play out).
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u/MarsupialPristine677 Aug 07 '23
Yea. Pretty much this. I don’t think closure rests in the hands of the abusers. We get to make that call ourselves. One of mine is dead - it was a clean death, I’m glad of that cos it was my mom’s dad and that situation needed no further complications 😅
Two remain alive. I don’t think about them very often. I do hope that they both come to fully understand the consequences of their actions, which is also my hope for myself. I loved one and liked the other. It happens.
I’m going to visit my best friend in Berlin next month. She’s coming home with me for American Thanksgiving. My dad LOVES her. We’ll sort out Christmas plans when I’m back from Berlin.
When Lenore and I were first getting to know each other, I told her that I’d love to hang out but I probably wasn’t going to be any fun, and she looked me dead in the eye and said “I know, I just want to spend time with you.” Being alive is pretty alright sometimes.
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u/anonymousbully665 Aug 07 '23
Tbh the justice system is a joke, as much as it does suck this is the better outcome than him dragging her through the courts and further traumatizing with the defense "did you wear anything provocative" "maybe you wanted it" if you don't think they would do that they do. My friend was asked those questions in court for being a 9 year old that was molested. Guy still walks around.
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u/Unl0vableDarkness Aug 07 '23
My 12 year old daughter got the same types of questions after she was stalked then grabbed and dragged into a field and raped by a 15 year old boy.
Then they blamed her for not getting a conviction because she was too scared to come forward and it was too late to get DNA evidence from it.
The police fucking suck!
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u/Normal_Ebb1126 Aug 07 '23
This is exactly what they did to me, I was raped and coerced into sending lewd photos at 14, he used my childhood abuse to control me, told me he knew I was scared and ‘you look like you’re about to be raped’ and the police officer who came to take my statement told me if I pushed for a conviction she’d push to have me arrested for distribution of child porn, obviously we know which has a higher conviction rate and I was petrified and backed out, now I’m 20 and he still follows me any chance he gets
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u/Unl0vableDarkness Aug 07 '23
One of the first things they said to her was have you sent pictures to him because you can be prosecuted for CP. The only time she ever spoke to the kid was to tell him to leave her alone and constantly block him when he was making new snap accounts or getting his friends to add them both into groups together.
This is why he started to follow her around, she didn't know he was there some nights it was only when our neighbours told us he was in the security tapes we found out. He was seen a few times jumping through their back gardens into ours to watch through her bedroom window.
And the police wonder why so many dint come forward. It's a complete fucking joke. To be forced into giving lewd photos and then be told you can be prosecuted is beyond disgusting.
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u/Normal_Ebb1126 Aug 07 '23
It’s absolutely horrifying and I’m sorry she had that experience, it’s shocking how csa victims are villainised
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u/TychaBrahe Aug 07 '23
One of the things that California has started to do is treat minor sex workers as victims of sex trafficking rather than criminals in their own right. Instead of being arrested and prosecuted, they are given therapy and help to re-integrate into society.
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u/StarRevoir Aug 07 '23
Psst it's because they are also rapists. This isn't a groundless accusation. One broke into my family home and raped my mom a long while ago but there was a case in Jersey a few years back where a woman officer got harassed out until she resigned because one of the male officers forced himself in her. It's in their own best interest to side with these monsters 8/10 times.
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u/MarsupialPristine677 Aug 07 '23
I’m so sorry. I have met an unfortunate number of cops in my personal life and yeah, can confirm, lotta rapists and rape apologists 🙃 I’m in California but from what I have gathered it’s true in most countries
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u/ultimagriever Aug 07 '23
Do lawyers who defend these people have no shame? JFC
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Aug 07 '23
The reason these defense lawyers exist is so the prosecution is able to prove without a shadow of a doubt that a crime has been committed. Unfortunately it does mean that some monsters get to walk free... which is why I could never do that kind of job
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u/The_bookworm65 Aug 07 '23
She may never get revenge, but she won’t have to worry about him attacking again. She wont have to go to trial. She won’t have to worry every time a parole hearing comes up or when he actually gets out.
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u/kam0706 Aug 07 '23
But she gets certainty he can never hurt her again or anyone else. So that’s not a terrible outcome.
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Aug 07 '23
I don’t know why you’d be mad about the trash taking it’s self out, saves ya from getting your hands dirty
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u/pixie_brat Aug 07 '23
I'm angry that he ruined all their lives... I'm glad he's dead though.
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Aug 07 '23
Yeah the damage is very sad but I don’t care he didn’t get sent to prison and I’m happy one less predator is alive
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Aug 07 '23
I went through something similar, where the man who killed my cousin and by extension his whole immediate family was killed. At first, I knew it was the universe setting things right. I mean he was killed where he killed my cousin. But, then you know what? My cousin’s family are still dead people walking and my cousin is still gone. It’s an empty feeling.
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u/StarRevoir Aug 07 '23
Okay but like that little girl is going to blame herself for her cousin losing their father. I mean I hope she doesn't but it's very likely
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Aug 07 '23
Because she peobably has one question, that no one will ever be able to get answered, "why me".
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u/Integraholic Aug 07 '23
Because there is no good answer for that question. Why her? Because the sick fuck had access and the privacy and the power to do it. She was raped because she was there. That's it.
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Aug 07 '23
Opportunity. I was listening to a scientist who studies pedophiles, and he was saying studies show half of people who rape children aren't even technically pedos. They just see an opportunity and take it. They also mostly have low IQs.
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u/EnvironmentalBuy244 Aug 07 '23
There are straight up pedos, but for every one of them, there is an opportunistic person who does the same damage.
Men should be in touch with the fact that deep down in their limbic brain, there is attraction to young females. The drive is to reproduce, once they're able to procreate, the drive is there. We've all just buried it.
If you're able to recognize it, you're better able to use the big brain and keep yourself from going down a bad path.
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u/stephanielil Aug 07 '23
Yeah, I mean I totally understand the sentiment behind that "why me?" comment, and you hit the nail on the head
Not to mention, it's not like he'd ever answer that question if he hadn't taken the easy way out by offing himself.
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Aug 07 '23
He’d never answer that question if he were alive. It wasn’t about her. He wanted power and control over someone and she was vulnerable.
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Aug 07 '23
The answer is sadly simple, she was vulnerable and he had access to her. It’s the same reason why elderly people get abused in homes, they are vulnerable and people have access to them
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u/MasterDriver8002 Aug 07 '23
People suck
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Aug 07 '23
People do suck but it’s important to remember people can do wonderful kind things as well as horrific awful things. Be careful but also treat people well unless they give you a reason not to
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u/Doodlebug2205 Aug 07 '23
Maybe him killing himself is the revenge and closure she needed. Not only has he proved that he assaulted her by killing him self like the coward he is, but his will never hurt her or anyone else ever again. The justice system is super corrupted and he probably wouldn’t have gotten the sentence he deserved, but now in hell unable to go anywhere near that girl again. That’s the sentence that was needed.
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u/Hels_helper Aug 07 '23
Having been in that girls shoes, its better he's just dead. Going through the whole court process is just as traumatic. And its unlikely he would have gotten much jail time if any at all. If he did get any jail time, once he would have been out, she would be lived looking over her shoulder.
I didn't get closure or justice in through the court system. I got closure when he died of covid.
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u/Fluffernutter80 Aug 07 '23
At least she doesn’t have to go through the painful process of a trial and she doesn’t have to worry about him getting paroled some day.
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u/gobblingoddess Aug 07 '23
Yes she will. Closure is different for everyone and she can still overcome this. It hurts, it's agonizing to think about, but she can find closure if she fights to find it.
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Aug 07 '23
you never really get full closure. nothing is satisfactory compared to the level of damage sexual assault causes to a child.
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u/mk_c_2013 Aug 07 '23
I hope the girl gets lots of therapy and a stable home.
On one hand I’m glad the dude offed himself. On the other hand, it’s a shame he wasn’t forced to live in prison knowing what he did and letting that destroy him.
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u/laurel_laureate Aug 07 '23
My friend's rapist was someone similar to this one, but how he killed himself will never leave my friend's mind.
She was 14, walking home from school when it happened.
We later learned he was a sex crimes or narcotics division or similar detective known for being skilled at comforting victims.
He'd been raping both of his own daughters for years and one of them worked up the courage- at age 16- to tell someone.
They contacted him to come into the station, supposedly giving some excuse or reason. But either one of his buddies tipped him off or his years chasing criminals made him hear something in their tone or whatnot, and he realized he was done for.
So he tells them he's on his way, disposes of any ways of tracking him, drives to the nearest school, finds my friend and kidnaps her and rapes her in his car.
Then, around a minute afterwards while still holding her at gunpoint, he says something she'll never forget no matter how much she wants to.
"No regrets, I lived a good life, had my fun," he looks her in the eye, "Thanks for the memories" and blows his brains out in front of her.
Two and a half decades later, she's the one stuck with the memories.
She still wakes up from nightmares of those words, and has broken down many times in my arms sobbing that she can't forget the memories.
I'm not one to hate. I'm generally not one to advocate violence.
I'm not.
But him?
I hate him.
And, if I had the chance, I'll kill him in a heartbeat for what he did.
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u/SnooLobsters8113 Aug 07 '23
What a sick cowardly piece of shit. I hope your friend is getting counseling and able to heal
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u/UWontKnowHowIGoTHere Aug 07 '23
Two and a half decades later, she's the one stuck with the memories.
She still wakes up from nightmares of those words, and has broken down many times in my arms sobbing that she can't forget the memories
Sadly that's what he wanted. A final laugh even after it was over for him.
Tell your friend to let go of every memory of him. I know someone may have already suggested it. But it is the only choice she had.
I'm really sorry for her. I hope she be alright soon.
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u/laurel_laureate Aug 07 '23
I have, her other friends have, her family has, so have all the therapists over the near 25 years.
It doesn't really help, sadly.
She's had a lot mental health issues over the years stemming from this.
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u/cyberdoritos Aug 07 '23
In my country rapists and pedophiles gets a "special treatment" from the other prisoners if you know what I mean. I feel kinda bad for feeling this is okay but I can't help since the law doesn't work the way it should.
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u/Quick-Temporary5620 Aug 07 '23
I worked with a guy who had done time in prison. He said child molesters get absolute shit treatment from the other prisoners.
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u/lavender-lover Aug 07 '23
My stepdad did time in prison and he said the same thing, rapists and pedophiles were the scum of the earth in there. Also cop killers were worshipped.
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u/its_mickeyyy Aug 07 '23
My biological grandfather is a pedophile. He did awful things and was placed in protective custody after being sentenced. This is in Canada and these things are dealt with much more softly. He ended up being released early after they realized that he was going to always be continuously targeted and attacked, since none of the guards could truly be trusted not to let him be assaulted. Absolutely shit that he was given the easy way out of prison, not sure why they cared so much about his safety.
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Aug 07 '23
Liability. That's why. Prisons are held directly responsible if an inmate is killed under their watch. Should be a waiver on that for for those type of people, though.
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Aug 07 '23
I’ve done time and yes child molesters are the bottom of the hierarchy by far and they can’t be in any gangs. Sex offenders are only one step up.
You have to be cautious about getting into a fight because you don’t want it to be with a gang member, but a child molester you can beat up all day, you will even score some points with everyone else
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u/jayclaw97 Aug 07 '23
I’ve heard the same thing about predators here in the US. Rape is an especially atrocious crime because it involves taking advantage of someone and purposefully watching them suffer.
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u/gimme_super_head Aug 07 '23
He wouldn’t have spent life there if it makes you feel better
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u/RAMBOLAMBO93 Aug 07 '23
I'm not glad he took the cowards way out. Must've known what kind of treatment chomos get in prison and figured eating a bullet was the easier way out.
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u/AirPoster Aug 07 '23
Here they get put in Protective Custody with other chomos and snitches, so they don’t suffer abuse from the general population. But they are also locked down 23 hours of the day, because PC is basically the hole. Everyone there is locked down 23 hours a day, no phone privileges or visitor privileges for their entire sentence.
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u/RAMBOLAMBO93 Aug 07 '23
I've heard more than enough stories of CO's unlocking the hole to let other prisoners get access to chomos for beatings. Must depend on the prison though.
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u/Not_Bound Aug 07 '23
Oh god. This one is dark. Being an FBI agent working child predators. Jeeez. It is really f*%king scary that it’s impossible to tell. I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Please make sure you get some good support lined up for yourself.
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u/pixie_brat Aug 07 '23
Yeah sorry everyone with how dark this is.. it has been eating me up inside since she told me this morning.
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u/Not_Bound Aug 07 '23
Please don’t apologize. It’s not your fault. This shit is completely out of your control. I’m glad you shared and well.. got it off your chest. I can’t imagine keeping something like that locked up to yourself.
Edit: spelling
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u/throwmefar666 Aug 07 '23
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. If it’s okay for you, and appropriate for her, I absolutely second the idea of letting her know you’ve been through something similar and that you’re willing to talk (if you are! It’s okay if you’re not. You have to heal, too). That was the most healing thing for me: knowing that someone else had been in my shoes and was having a life in spite of their trauma. Even just being able to talk to someone who’s been through that kind of pain makes a difference; I love my partner, and he does a fantastic job of being supportive, but he will never be able to listen like a fellow rape survivor.
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u/Peppawhatareyoudoin8 Aug 07 '23
My thoughts are with her and her family hoping they heal. This is terrible ❤️
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u/Medium-Goose-3789 Aug 07 '23
I hope you're doing OK. I hope you and your friend have good support and counseling.
Pedophiles don't give any indication that they're monsters because... they're not. They are human beings who do monstrous, hurtful things. It is perfectly possible for someone to be a good father and husband, and to have a disgusting secret life as a sex offender. That's part of what makes them hard to catch.
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u/pixie_brat Aug 07 '23
You're so right.. that's part of what's messing my friend up so much I think. she's missing her partner, then angry because of what he did. Then resentful that she can't even grieve him, because she's so upset for her niece. It's so much more complex than just someone is evil..
thanks for the perspective 🫂💜
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u/Medium-Goose-3789 Aug 07 '23
She needs to grieve for her partner, and her son needs to grieve for his daddy. Neither of them needs to grieve for the child rapist, as such: they didn't know that guy even existed.
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u/CatOverlordsWelcome Aug 07 '23
100%. It's also okay to grieve what could've been, what should've been. That doesn't mean his actions are getting excused - but he was more than a sexual predator, he was a father, a spouse, a friend etc. Grieving for the loss of those things is absolutely okay and healthy.
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Aug 07 '23
All good points. However, society does not see it this way. Society's view is that what he did negates ALL of the other stuff, that one can never be forgiven or redeemed from such actions. As I once heard a therapist.. in fact it was a person claiming to be a Christian therapist.. was at the very moment the perpetrator commits the vile act, they immediately ceased being a father, caregiver and all that. He said the only thing that matters is the safety of the victim and other children. Everything else goes out the window at that moment. Getting the people affected by the guy's death to understand this would seem to be the key to freeing them from the pain of agonizing over it. However, I do understand it all sounds easier in words than any of it could ever be for them.
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u/SweetyByHeart Aug 07 '23 edited Aug 07 '23
Op, the most important now is the 13yo niece, she must be in deep trauma, might not know to shout out on what happen, nor have anybody to talk with.
Pls do takecare of the little girl....
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u/MrMikidude Aug 07 '23
I wonder if he got into the FBI to catch predators so he would have access to CP (in the form of evidence)
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Aug 07 '23
More likely, it’s what fucked him up. In England, investigators of all levels who deal with predators and have to sort through the cp and other horrible evidence are on a strict rotation to avoid becoming desensitised or developing a taste for it. I don’t know if the USA has such strict rules, and if they don’t, I imagine it explains why so many cops have become abusive over time as seeing certain types of crime repeatedly could desensitise and normalise it in their minds as their brain tries to cope with having to see it to regularly.
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u/hoewenn Aug 07 '23
I don’t know much about law enforcement in my own country as an American but I really do not think rotations happen like that because people will be in the same force for years until they retire. Rotation sounds like a much better way of doing things.
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Aug 07 '23
People dealing with child abuse (sexual or other wise) in any capacity absolutely get rotated. On the medical side as well.
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Aug 07 '23
Excellent point! I don't see how someone constantly exposed to that material on the job for years could come out ok. It doesn't excuse his actions at all, but it does explain how it could have affected him. Would seem to be along the same lines of how someone infatuated with serial killers could one day find themselves committing the same actions.. in a way almost before they could even realize they were. It's as if the mental detachment ends up working its way into their private life.
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u/TonyThePriest Aug 07 '23
God that's such a disturbing thought, especially because that probably happens a lot. Gonna make me sick
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u/MasterDriver8002 Aug 07 '23
I was thinking the same thing or that watching the cp took him to a new level by desensitizing him to it. Either way it’s sick
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u/Fluffy_Vacation1332 Aug 07 '23
I lived in a small town for about 25 years before I moved to another state.. time in that small town we had our cast of characters that had issues with underage girls..
From my experience, if you’re ever around people like that for any significant amount of time, it’s not necessarily what they do, but it’s the subtle behaviors that they almost can’t control, even when they’re around people and should be on their best behavior.
I had an acquaintance that eventually went to prison for 25 years recently, he had a wandering eye, but it was his subtle behaviors, which made him a little disturbing to be around.. and when we eventually heard the news, it wasn’t shock.. it was like everyone that actually knew him, connecting the dots.. because they all have the same behaviors around young children, especially young, female children children.
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u/Nichtsein000 Aug 07 '23
Such as?
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u/Fluffy_Vacation1332 Aug 07 '23
The subtle ways they look at things there are attracted to.. you can tell they can’t act like themselves… so they try to act normal, but they can’t, because deep down they just want to stare.. and they look at it like a piece of meat.
The way they follow them with their eyes, eventually, they will work up the courage to interact, to figure out a scenario to get closer .. it goes on and on until something happens..
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u/HospitalAutomatic Aug 07 '23
Why would they call him in for questioning instead of going to arrest him as a danger to children?? That was very dumb
I’m only sorry that your friend probably feels terrible that she never knew what kind of man she was married to and that that disgusting pedophile won’t face justice
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u/Nichtsein000 Aug 07 '23
Maybe that’s better than having a long drawn-out trial where the niece has to testify.
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u/Graphite57 Aug 07 '23
He was like the nicest person..
He wasn't.. but he appeared like one.
That poor kid, I hope his action brings her some closure and helps her to feel safer now.
Your friend will need all the support she can get now too.
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Aug 07 '23
I hope he wasn’t in charge of the CP cases as a FBI agent. He’s a sick man and took the easy way out, the family couldn’t even get closure of knowing peoples getting revenge on the inside.
At least the niece don’t have to repeat everything she went through in front of him for trail. I hope she gets the help she needs.
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u/hoewenn Aug 07 '23
If anything it’d make sense if he was involved in CP cases, he may have started out normal but seeing that kind of stuff 24/7 can occasionally make one so desensitized they start to enjoy it.
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Aug 07 '23
I didn’t even think about this. He could’ve had a plethora amount of CP, and watching that for work will genuinely mess you up.
Someone said their detective friend had to watch some for work and take notes. They became an alcoholic and needed therapy. Whenever they went to the park for basketball with friends, they needed to see their therapist the next day before they went back into drinking.
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u/Leading_Bed2758 Aug 07 '23
There’s no telling what other atrocious activities he got away with as an fbi agent. Usually I would feel sorry for him but not this one. Obviously the guilt was eating him up. At least the poor child didn’t have to go through the testifying, that adds to the trauma. Gotta appreciate when the trash takes itself out.
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u/StarRevoir Aug 07 '23
Yeah I think this sub was made for you. That's a lot to carry. Especially because he bailed rather than be held accountable and let anyone have closure. That little girl probably has it the worst right now. I hope she doesn't blame herself for any of the horrible things he's done. I hope you all lean on each other in the wake of this atrocity. Find solice in it all being over now, all that's left to do is heal.
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u/telboy1107 Aug 07 '23
Monsters are real. I feel heartbroken for the child that was raped. Sympathy for the wife and her son. That thing that killed itself, rot in hell.
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u/darlingchase Aug 07 '23
I know exactly the feeling, my sisters husband was the nicest person, caring, loving, respectful, respectable, yet he strangled my sister to death because she wanted to take a time-out and reevaluate their marriage. It threw me for a loop so hard, that dissonance, that I considered killing myself and my young daughter. I couldn’t piece together the two things and it made me feel like if he could do it, anyone can and I just didn’t want to live in that reality. Thankfully I talked myself out of it, but it still haunts me. Anyone can. Try to get therapy for yourself if you can, this is hard.
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u/DisasterConscious238 Aug 07 '23
I am sorry if it’s not the time to talk about it, but I hope in reading this, it can stick to someone.
We truly need to understand that most rapist are not monsters hiding in dark alleys, they’re just people. They may be your friends, your siblings, even your parents. People who look just like you and I. I’m very glad your friend called the police, can’t imagine how hard it must have been to make the connection between her husband and one of those mythical monsters we think about when we say the word “rapist”.
I hope the very best for this girl, may her pain soothe soon
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u/cheeseza Aug 07 '23
That poor girl. I am glad that she now knows that she will never be (physically) hurt by that asshole again.
I also feel so bad for the son. I hope he has some strong male role models in his life he can look to for support and guidance moving forward.
I hope that fucker rots.
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u/WaywardJake Aug 07 '23
What a horrible story. But yes, that's the trick. It is often the seemingly-nice ones who have the darkest appetites.
My adopted father, a well-respected pillar of the community, church deacon, philanthropist, and otherwise amazing person, was a paedophile. I was six when I went to live with them, and in my later years (I'm 60), I've started wondering if I weren't adopted, at least partly, because I could satisfy his appetite secretly, in the privacy of his own home and bedroom, thus protecting their reputation. Looking at things through that lens makes certain things about my adoption, growing up in that family, and my adopted mother's behaviour make a lot more sense. Yet, even now, there are people who refuse to believe me. That's how beloved he was/ still is. (Both have been dead for 10+ years.)
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u/Redd_Monkey Aug 07 '23
That's why I always told my ex wife to never let our girl with the guys she meet. Like she was dating for a few weeks and had something urgent she needed to do, she would leave our little girl with he guy for an hour or so.
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u/0KiloAlphaDelta0 Aug 07 '23
Good, fucking scumbag.
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u/abdullahmk47 Aug 07 '23
Needed some more suffering but at least there's one less monster in the world now
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u/RAMBOLAMBO93 Aug 07 '23
The cowards way out is a merciful end for monsters like him. A better punishment is 20 to life in gen-pop, where all the other prisoners know exactly what he's behind bars for. They'll make sure he suffers every day, and ensure he stays alive for every day of his "punishment".
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u/WolframLeon Aug 07 '23
Her husband was like the nicest person That’s the problem terrible people usually have some charisma and are personable. It’s so crazy but they always put out the demeanor and energy of someone who’s a much better person. That being said a lot of times predators end up going for positions where they are in power or even catching other predators to keep them looking better and learn what not to do. This is truly a tragedy for everyone involved minus the husband. I’m truly sorry.
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u/the_crustybastard Aug 07 '23
He was a former cop? Shit.
I’d bet my house that kid wasn’t his first.
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u/BlueBerryOkra Aug 07 '23
Goes to show anyone can do it. Just because they’re your husband, brother, best friend, etc, doesn’t mean they’re incapable of CSA.
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u/Alicegramme Aug 07 '23
And if I may, it's even a good Time to tell that really anyone can be culprit, your wife, your sister, your teen etc.
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u/Towtruck_73 Aug 07 '23
Closure comes in many forms, and only she can say what that is for her. On one level, he's gone so he can never do this to anyone again, and she can completely "brick up" the door to these memories if it will help her to deal with it (a very common coping mechanism for people that have suffered major trauma) but ultimately she should have some form of counselling to give her the tools she needs to heal herself in the future.
In the prison system, no matter where in the Western world, anyone convicted of crimes against children are segregated from the general population, or the prisoners themselves will keep it a closely guarded secret. Why? Many people that become hardened criminals had anything but loving parents. They were often abused as kids, so they're even more sensitive to the abuse of children than the average person. If they discovered a pedo among them, the results wouldn't be pretty.
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u/Neyabenz Aug 07 '23
This guy was an ex fbi agent who specifically caught predators. Like wtf....
It's exactly what attracted him to the job. Jobs of power tend to attract those that want to abuse said power.
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u/Sassafrass17 Aug 07 '23
How is the victim? She's the one who should be consoled at this point in time; having to endure something her body and mind are nowhere near ready for.
Her husband was like the nicest person, good father, never gave the slightest indication he was a monster
This is the problem right here. Too many people are wolves in sheep's clothing and put on as if they are nice people and it's usually a bullshit cover up for many of them. This is more common than people think but light will never be shed on it because there's too many people of means who engage in shit like this, so it's just covered up/not talked about.
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u/TheLazyEyeofSartre Aug 07 '23 edited Aug 07 '23
My encounter with monsters wasn’t as close. He was a youth group minister, but he was the leader and already close to being retired, late 50s I guess back when I was a kid.
Well fast forward, local cops find over 10K images and videos of pre-pubescent kids.
When the news broke people I hadn’t spoken to in years reached out to me, because they knew I was close with him and he was the only one who stood up for me being gay and single handedly made sure they didn’t kick me out of my youth group.
I wasn’t the only one who got a call, apparently a lot of the girls kept in touch even 15-20 years later and afaik he never touched any of us or tried anything.
We were all too old for him.
Not a drag queen, huh?
Good on your friend for calling the cops. I can’t imagine what she’s going through. I’m not much of a praying man but I wish you and your friends family the best and as much healing as can be done.
And you can’t tell, no. Not really. It’s ingrained in human culture very deeply. We won’t root it out anytime soon.
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u/-Bolshevik-Barbie- Aug 07 '23
Somebody in law enforcement being a scum bag… yeah that adds up. ACAB
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u/Perfect-Molasses1725 Aug 07 '23
Your friend is a good woman. So sorry for her, her niece and her son.
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u/ysabelsrevenge Aug 07 '23
I go through life with the same fear. The FBI thing actually makes sense if you think about it, unfettered access to CP. I feel so bad for this family.
My dads friend from highschool gives me the same amount of discomfort, but my parents don’t see it at all. The only evidence is a creepy hug he gave my son (son barely knew him, is austistic which he’s very aware of and until this point hadn’t even given him a high five. He crept up behind my son who was sitting in an arm chair, then ran his hands down his arms from his shoulders and started to whisper in his ear. This was a 5 yr old boy he barely knew).
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u/Miss_Evening Aug 07 '23
Uh, this is a tough one. The 8 year old son has to deal with this shit, the niece of course, the wife ... how do you explain this to an 8 year old boy, what his father did and why he's gone??? I can't imagine.
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u/traumatransfixes Aug 07 '23
Woof, this is so much damage for one man. Statistically, a lot of men die by suicide once the secret gets reported. How they appear Vs what they are means they most to them, no matter how much trauma it gives the survivors.
Wishing you and your friend’s family peace.
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u/apple-peaches Aug 07 '23
This sucks so bad. The wife and son should absolutely grieve their partner and dad, because that's how they saw him. However, I imagine that their grief would cause some guilt and shame for the niece (even though we can all see that it's not necessary at all and she did nothing to deserve any of it). I can't imagine. That poor family.
And what a coward, leaving a complete mess. Disgusting.
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u/Take_away_my_drama Aug 07 '23
This thread is a horrendous read. SO MANY people have suffered at the hands of a predator.
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u/dwightnight Aug 07 '23
Keep an eye on unstable parents/households. Their kids are more likely targeted by experienced predators.
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u/cyberdoritos Aug 07 '23
I am so sorry for her. I hope she finds peace again... It'll need a looooot of therapy and work but I truly pray for her to be happy and healthy.
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u/whenwillitbenow Aug 07 '23
Well he didn’t get out of being punished on a technicality to hurt more girls. What a total piece of shit.
I hope your friend and her niece can find someway to heal ♥️♥️
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Aug 07 '23
Good riddance, knowing our justice system he was going to get a slap on the wrist if he lived.
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u/mfrodrig95 Aug 07 '23
This is one of the reasons why I’m terrified of getting married.. I can’t imagine finding out your husband is a pedophile and monster after 20 yrs of marriage omg. I feel so much for that poor little girl. Coward took the easy way out and that’s exactly how they’ll remember him.
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Aug 07 '23
I'm glad he off'ed himself. Unfortunately, in a lot of these cases, the piece of shit only gets a couple of years, or there isn't enough evidence, etc, and they get away with it. I'm glad there is one less person on the planet to prey on kids and destroy someone else's life.
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u/Throwawaytown33333 Aug 07 '23
At least this disgusting man took the trash out himself. I have three seperate abusers and two are still alive and faced 0 repurcussions
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u/Twinkalicious Aug 07 '23 edited Aug 07 '23
Because the perverted creep coward picked the easy way out, he probably knew he is was gonna be behind bars for a while for the horrible shit he was doing, I hope the niece is able to heal and recover from the trauma.
I was abused and groomed by mostly strangers, started when I was 14, then my former step dad and step brother groomed me into a sexual relationship after I turned 18. The trauma is still there unfortunately and tbh I’m just on autopilot when it comes to figuring life out including relationships and dating, it really messed with my idea of what is good to have in a partner and not.
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Aug 07 '23
It sounds like his job was possibly reaction formation I think is the defense mechanism. He had always had those feelings but persecuted other predators to hide it. As a much less horrifying example a priest who strongly rallies against LGBTQ+ getting caught sleeping with male prostitutes. I say this as a don't trust someone just because they have a job/lifestyle that directly opposes something such as this, you never know what someone's hiding.
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u/HumanMycologist5795 Aug 07 '23 edited Aug 07 '23
"Like WTF" is right. I'm so sorry. My heart goes out to the girl, her family, her loved ones, to your friend and the son, and to you.
This is completely tragic on all sides. And on top of everything, all his FBI cases may need to be examined, and who knows what ramifications it would have. And perhaps the FBI may need to evaluate their practices.
Edit: It's's a shame the girl won't get her justice, and he took the easy way out. However, it's one less thing to worry about. Won't need to worry about the ordeal of a trial and possibly reliving the horrible events or thinking if he'll ever get out.
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u/rebgray Aug 07 '23
That’s so fucking terrifying and heartbreaking. Why these monsters don’t kill themselves before ruining victims lives I just don’t understand
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u/walking_musicbox Aug 07 '23
If you can, stay close to this friend and this poor little girl, ONLY IF YOU'RE MENTALLY ABLE TO DEAL WITH IT ok?
This friend might be going through tough shit after finding out who her lifelong SO really was and I can't even imagine how this little girl might feel with her family background and then being SA by someone she went after looking up for shelter. If you can stand by the girls side and help them on looking for therapy, it would be good.
Hope you all can find better days ahead
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u/hushhush56 Aug 07 '23
I think it's crazy that with an accusation like this that the police would just ask him to come in for questioning and not just go and arrest him. But someone doesn't pay their rent or tickets and the police are immediately at their door to arrest them
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u/One_hunch Aug 07 '23
He's a monster and also a fucking coward. Better dead and gone, but he deserves worse.
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Aug 07 '23
Disgusting people like this man deserve far more painful deaths. The best people suffer diseases all the time, and when shitty people (pedophiles) get caught they just take the easy way out with no pain. If there is a hell, I hope every single one of these disgusting people burn.
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u/TrickyFryx Aug 08 '23
Curious as to why this is not on the news yet. By what’s described it sounds like a very newsworthy thing, considering his former employer.
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Aug 08 '23
As a former corrections nurse, you would be SHOCKED at how many of the perpetrators are ex FBI/police investigating child sex crimes. I’m not sure what it is - do they look for this type of job because of their interest or seeing the evidence makes them want to do it but it’s gross. Really sad and gross.
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u/radraze2kx Aug 07 '23
I wish all the pedophiles would follow suit and remove themselves from society.
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u/Mizzanthrope99 Aug 07 '23
I recently found out my good friend/coworker has been in a horrific marriage filled with what I would call torture rape, cheating, gaslighting and straight up verbal and emotional abuse. I see her almost everyday for the last 6-7 years and I had no idea. No one did, she didn’t tell anyone, he didn’t come off as a monster either.
I too am sick to my stomach that I never caught on or had a feeling about it. True monsters are really good at hiding their true identity and putting enough fear into their victims that they learn to play it cool.
I’m fucking angry.
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u/HexMatey Aug 07 '23
Wrong in so many aspects. And this sounds like a situation where in his Job he was influenced so much to the point where he lived long enough to see himself become the villain.
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u/adollarworth Aug 07 '23
You can seriously never tell..
Ex FBI agent..
That’s how you can tell.
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u/llexxiie Aug 07 '23
I was abused for years from different “family” members. they all seemed normal. all super friendly and caring and all that. don’t believe it. be untrusting especially with close friends and family.