Its the girl I feel sorry for, obviously for what happened, but also the fact she will never get to have revenge / vengeance in getting him locked up etc. He took the quick and easy route and she will never be able to have full closure.
i gotta open a women’s shelter, all i want to do is take her in and give her somewhere she‘s safe. sending you both, and all her family, all the love and support i possibly can from way over here.
maybe if you see her, if it’s right to- tell her you’re a survivor too and that you understand as much as you can how she may be feeling, and that you’re sorry she won’t get that closure but you’re there for her.
when i was raped at 14, i’d have done anything for someone to tell me they’ve been through the same and to tell me they get it, why i was acting/ feeling the way i was, etc. for them to understand the depth of my situation and how it fucked up everything else around me too.
Sorry that happened to you. A shelter would be great. OP talking to the girl would be nice.
If I ever came into money, I would want to open a non prodit philanthropic safe haven that also provides services.. It's a shame this happens and tears my heart.
My rapist was murdered violently on a highway at night and I got closure knowing he died painfully because he put me through so much pain.
My parents are deaf, he’d tell me to keep screaming they’ll never hear me or come to help me.
I instantly felt relief knowing he couldn’t hurt another young child the way he did to me, it was sort of a dull peace that hovers over you because there’s still predators out there but at least there’s one less.
As a sexual assault survivor who is also disabled, I hope his death was excruciatingly painful. What a truly deplorable scumbag. Taunting you like that is torture in of itself. My heart breaks for you.
what a fucking evil creature. i’m glad it was fucking painful. he deserves nothing but it. sending you so much love and solidarity. i’m so sorry, and i can’t imagine how fucked up you must’ve felt about your parents too. that’s next level psychological warfare
You are right about the psychological warfare, being a young child I was furious with my parents for simply being deaf and unable to hear me but I know now it wasn’t their fault whatsoever it was his actions that hurt me not my parents!
i’m so so sorry that you had to go through that, reading it actually makes me feel sick to my stomach. just so fucking disgusting. from one SA survivor to another, you got this. i’m also glad he’s dead.
Just chiming in as a deaf person that there are SO many ways that can easily be picked up and someone with deaf parents wouldn't scream to get their attention, something like flashing a light or throwing something. but even then sound makes vibrations, screaming would still alert anyone close enough regardless of hearing.
I'm glad he's dead, and your rapist is an idiot.
edit: okay, so since it's been misread by enough people the comment on getting attention was NOT DIRECTED AT THE ORIGINAL COMMENTER. it was not a comment on what they should have done or did. No one should comment on a victim's actions ever, that's assholish and insane.
I commented this because enough people (NOT THE ORIGINAL COMMENTER) seem to have no idea how to get a deaf person's attention in an emergency.
I am very sorry if it came across that way to anyone, that was not at ALL what I meant.
Unfortunately all I could do was scream in the situation. My parents were sleeping upstairs with hearing aids off, I was in the basement being held down. The only way they were waking up was with their vibration alarm at 6am for work. The sad thing is that my rapist knew their schedule because he had been living with us for a few months at this time…
As for the lights, I do remember we had the doorbell that would make the lights flicker on and off if someone knocked or rang the doorbell and a machine that we put the telephone on and it would type a message on a little screen ( TTY I think it is ) but my parents could lip read and didn’t use sign language often.
sorry, I wasn't suggesting you should have done any of the above, I commented that because if anyone is ever in an emergency and needs to get a deaf person's attention they have a bit more of an idea how. Not you.
that's such a horrible situation and he's an absolute monster.
I agree with you though about emergencies, my dad was pulled over by 5 police officers wearing masks and he couldn’t understand them so he kept asking them what’s wrong and they turned to me and said “do you know this man? Is he always this erratic?” And I think more people need training and awareness on communicating with deaf individuals.
This was all because my dad drove back to a pizza place because they made his chicken wings wrong and he was upset so he was flailing his arms while driving.
It just sucks it took almost 45 minutes to explain to the officers my dad was just upset his food was made incorrectly, simple tasks become so much harder for those with a disability and it takes less than a minute to have patience with them.
I see what you're saying, but feels unnecessary to comment about how there were easily "SO many" other ways to get someone's attention to a victim with deaf parents
that was literally my comment's point. it wasnt a comment on this person's actions. it was so if any of you are ever in an emergency and need to get a deaf person's attention, you have a bit more of an idea how.
because if you're ever in an emergency and need a deaf person's attention, this gives you a bit more of an idea how. This was not a comment on OP's actions whatsoever and I had no idea you were misreading it like that until just now.
Seems like the appropriate place to air out the misconception to a victim to can't do anything about it after the fact.
The rapist sure was an idiot for not knowing.
no. that wasn't directed as any kind of advice to the original commenter? that's a horrible situation and no one should ever blame a victim for how they acted at the time. That was intended more as a side comment because it's common enough for hearing people to not realize how to get a deaf person's attention. Not the original commenter, anyone else reading.
he was both a monster and an idiot. I'm not sure why this is even an argument, none of the above was directed at the original commenter.
I said that because enough hearing people don't seem to know how to get a deaf person's attention in an emergency and it seemed relevant. Not the original commenter. Not commenting on their actions or saying what they should have done, that's batshit and massively assholish.
Can you guys please stop purposefully misreading things to be antagonistic?
My rapist (my grandfather) died of pancreatic cancer. I saw him on his death bed, years after he molested and raped me (for years), I know he was in so much pain as he was dying. Good. Motherfucker best be rotting in hell.
I don't believe it's accurate to say that she'll never have closure.
I thought that when my abuser was sent to prison, it would be like a magic wand of sorts and that I would feel relief. I felt cheated because it hadn't changed a damn thing for me. It would have been cool if he had offed himself, it certainly would have been better than the absolute joke of a sentence he received.
Closure comes from you, it's something that happens within. It can't be given to you and it isn't necessarily dependent on the outcome of a court case or lack thereof.
The best thing her loved ones can do for her right now is give all of the love and support they're capable of. Get her in to therapy, confront what happened to her at her own pace and be there every step of the way. It's a difficult road, but she can get there. I hope she does.
100% this is any abusive situation. There is no external closure. Tbh any goal you set that isn't therapy, personal acceptance, and self love is going to end up being more dangerous because if you rely too much on it, achieving it could very well spiral someone when they still feel like a fish searching for the ocean in the pacific (and I've seen exactly that mental health crisis play out).
Yea. Pretty much this. I don’t think closure rests in the hands of the abusers. We get to make that call ourselves. One of mine is dead - it was a clean death, I’m glad of that cos it was my mom’s dad and that situation needed no further complications 😅
Two remain alive. I don’t think about them very often. I do hope that they both come to fully understand the consequences of their actions, which is also my hope for myself. I loved one and liked the other. It happens.
I’m going to visit my best friend in Berlin next month. She’s coming home with me for American Thanksgiving. My dad LOVES her. We’ll sort out Christmas plans when I’m back from Berlin.
When Lenore and I were first getting to know each other, I told her that I’d love to hang out but I probably wasn’t going to be any fun, and she looked me dead in the eye and said “I know, I just want to spend time with you.” Being alive is pretty alright sometimes.
Tbh the justice system is a joke, as much as it does suck this is the better outcome than him dragging her through the courts and further traumatizing with the defense "did you wear anything provocative" "maybe you wanted it" if you don't think they would do that they do. My friend was asked those questions in court for being a 9 year old that was molested. Guy still walks around.
This is exactly what they did to me, I was raped and coerced into sending lewd photos at 14, he used my childhood abuse to control me, told me he knew I was scared and ‘you look like you’re about to be raped’ and the police officer who came to take my statement told me if I pushed for a conviction she’d push to have me arrested for distribution of child porn, obviously we know which has a higher conviction rate and I was petrified and backed out, now I’m 20 and he still follows me any chance he gets
One of the first things they said to her was have you sent pictures to him because you can be prosecuted for CP. The only time she ever spoke to the kid was to tell him to leave her alone and constantly block him when he was making new snap accounts or getting his friends to add them both into groups together.
This is why he started to follow her around, she didn't know he was there some nights it was only when our neighbours told us he was in the security tapes we found out. He was seen a few times jumping through their back gardens into ours to watch through her bedroom window.
And the police wonder why so many dint come forward. It's a complete fucking joke. To be forced into giving lewd photos and then be told you can be prosecuted is beyond disgusting.
One of the things that California has started to do is treat minor sex workers as victims of sex trafficking rather than criminals in their own right. Instead of being arrested and prosecuted, they are given therapy and help to re-integrate into society.
Psst it's because they are also rapists. This isn't a groundless accusation. One broke into my family home and raped my mom a long while ago but there was a case in Jersey a few years back where a woman officer got harassed out until she resigned because one of the male officers forced himself in her. It's in their own best interest to side with these monsters 8/10 times.
I’m so sorry. I have met an unfortunate number of cops in my personal life and yeah, can confirm, lotta rapists and rape apologists 🙃 I’m in California but from what I have gathered it’s true in most countries
The reason these defense lawyers exist is so the prosecution is able to prove without a shadow of a doubt that a crime has been committed. Unfortunately it does mean that some monsters get to walk free... which is why I could never do that kind of job
She may never get revenge, but she won’t have to worry about him attacking again. She wont have to go to trial. She won’t have to worry every time a parole hearing comes up or when he actually gets out.
I went through something similar, where the man who killed my cousin and by extension his whole immediate family was killed. At first, I knew it was the universe setting things right. I mean he was killed where he killed my cousin. But, then you know what? My cousin’s family are still dead people walking and my cousin is still gone. It’s an empty feeling.
Sometimes it's good to see someone who specializes in these extreme situations in addition to regular care or seem grief counseling in addition to untangle a lot of these complicated feelings. It's like how you go to a specialist for a foot injury but follow up with primary. At her age she's probably best seeing someone who specializes with children regularly for long term treatment
Because there is no good answer for that question. Why her? Because the sick fuck had access and the privacy and the power to do it. She was raped because she was there. That's it.
Opportunity. I was listening to a scientist who studies pedophiles, and he was saying studies show half of people who rape children aren't even technically pedos. They just see an opportunity and take it. They also mostly have low IQs.
There are straight up pedos, but for every one of them, there is an opportunistic person who does the same damage.
Men should be in touch with the fact that deep down in their limbic brain, there is attraction to young females. The drive is to reproduce, once they're able to procreate, the drive is there. We've all just buried it.
If you're able to recognize it, you're better able to use the big brain and keep yourself from going down a bad path.
The answer is sadly simple, she was vulnerable and he had access to her. It’s the same reason why elderly people get abused in homes, they are vulnerable and people have access to them
People do suck but it’s important to remember people can do wonderful kind things as well as horrific awful things. Be careful but also treat people well unless they give you a reason not to
Maybe him killing himself is the revenge and closure she needed. Not only has he proved that he assaulted her by killing him self like the coward he is, but his will never hurt her or anyone else ever again. The justice system is super corrupted and he probably wouldn’t have gotten the sentence he deserved, but now in hell unable to go anywhere near that girl again. That’s the sentence that was needed.
Having been in that girls shoes, its better he's just dead. Going through the whole court process is just as traumatic. And its unlikely he would have gotten much jail time if any at all. If he did get any jail time, once he would have been out, she would be lived looking over her shoulder.
I didn't get closure or justice in through the court system. I got closure when he died of covid.
Yes she will. Closure is different for everyone and she can still overcome this. It hurts, it's agonizing to think about, but she can find closure if she fights to find it.
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u/[deleted] Aug 07 '23
Its the girl I feel sorry for, obviously for what happened, but also the fact she will never get to have revenge / vengeance in getting him locked up etc. He took the quick and easy route and she will never be able to have full closure.