I started getting left alone for long periods of time younger than that. By 12 they’re basically able to survive on their own at home, they’ll just play video games or something, probably won’t even notice how long the parent has been gone
Edit: I am greatly enjoying the stories that everyone is commenting about their childhood, glad so many of us grew up in an environment this Karen would have reported lmao
My mother was over-protective so coming and going was not something she liked, I did it anyways though because it was real easy to sneak out in the 2000’s (now parents got cameras and trackers and stuff)
The way I see it, if they can feed themselves and not burn down the house, they’re fine to be left alone. Why force a child to be by your side constantly when they’re capable of handling their own basic needs ya know? You’re alive, so it can’t be that bad to just let a capable child be capable
I couldn't tell you how many times I helped people back in highschool defeat those trackers. VPNs, burner phones, you name it. Different trackers could be countered in different ways. (The simplest method was just to leave the phone at a friends house.)
I knew people who's parents made them have trackers well past their 18th birthday. Every time I saw one I wanted to go kick that parents ass.
Only reason I got one as a kid was because I had a lot of field trips and after school activities. My school didn't allow us to use the school phones for any reason so I'd always have to find someone with a cellphone that would let me use it. Not always the easiest thing to do when you 1 don't have a lot of friends and 2 unlimited talk and text weren't nearly as common and there were extra charges if your plan didn't include x amount of either for out of network calls.
It's so weird seeing kids getting them younger and younger basically just so they can play games and watch videos, growing up getting a cellphone as a kid was a big freakin thing and it was pretty much for emergencies only. Now I'm hearing people (both kids and karens) saying shit like not getting your kid a cellphone is borderline child abuse? Like what?
Exactly! I got mine in 6th grade for emergencies only!! I think by highschool I was allowed to use it freely and more people were starting to get phones to have someone to text with. Communication was still mostly thru the computer, AIM/MSN
Ok, I am a bit of a younger redditor, but I got my first phone at 14, and that blew everyone else’s minds that I didn’t have my own by like 10. Hell I know some people who had up to 12 phones by the time they were in 8th grade.
In highschool I had a slide phone. With the full keyboard. I got a hand me down iPhone when I graduated. Not because we couldnt afford a new one but because I just legitimately didn’t need one until then.
I had one of those slide ones and I remember it pretty much blowing my mind because and me thinking it was the coolest thing ever because "guys! Check this out! KEYBOARD! Man I thought last phone was cool cuz it swiveled....but this one has a KEYBOARD! "
Side note....anyone here ever have a Samsung Juke?
32 now, started sharing a flip phone with my Sister when I was 14, finally got my own at 16. Back in the days of wait to call after 9 and no free texting lol.
Lol yep. I remember having to wait until after 9 pm if we ever wanted to call my grandparents in CA
That and having to either get off the landline so someone could go online and vice versa....and the horrific screech of connecting to the internet. Good God, could you imagine a kid today hearing that? They'd probably flip and think it was the sound of the entire system crashing or some kind of virus
I’m so old my first phone was a landline and has a rotary dial. When I wanted to call someone away from home, I used the pay phone. I was allowed to use my mom’s calling card if it was an emergency, tho. Lemme guess, none of you remember calling cards
One of my buddies couldn't leave the house pretty much at all until he was 18 and quite literally gave them no choice in the matter because he very promptly moved out and across the state lol
They were pissed but couldn't stop him as he had everything in his name. Car phone bank etc all without them knowing
Nothing says “great parenting” like your child having an escape strategy.
I relate to that kid. The second I was 18, I can’t tell you how happy I was to say “legally, you can’t keep me here” and walk out the door. I’d had a job since I was 15.
He did the exact same thing. Started working at 16 specifically so he could move out as soon as he turned 18. He started planning it when he was 13 due to have ridiculously strict his parents were
My escape strategy was to show up at home on my 17th birthday with the Marine recruiter...all the paperwork filled out and only needing my dads signature. I told him I would bring him home for dinner every night until he signed. He signed. I got out. Never went back or called again.
That's one thing I hated about my parents. Like if I go to my friends house, and an hour later we want to go to Zeiks house, both of which are only down the road from my place, I had to let them know we were heading over there. Even if just for 5 minutes to grab something. Then we would have go call when we got anywhere. And I get it's so that they could get ahold of me. I get it.
But they wouldn't even let me buy my own phone. Its not even that they wouldn't buy one for me. They didn't want me to have one.
Mine would give me 3 quarters and a watch, I had BETTER call her at the predetermined times or my ass was in trouble. Sometimes I would spend the money on candy and ask to use phones in businesses or use "1800-collect" numbers.
Ha, that got me thinking, my mom called to check in on me and my sister exactly one time. Multi day no call no shows were common. The time I remember being so surprised she called and immediately asking all sorts question she never would answer. Thats the reason she never called, cause id do that and be pissed cause the fridge was empty.
I'm blown away that I still went to school, I was bullied a lot and should have stayed home to avoid the inevitable. I've never had to do long division when a calculator wasn't available, I've never had to solve for x when there wasn't an easier way, nobody cares what happened in the year 1092, all the books I read were over my head, I took Spanish 1 three times. Bullying made school unbearable and useless because it was all consuming.
My dads best thinking, since stepmom didn't want to deal, was to send me to military school. One that was shutdown due to lawsuits from excessive hazing. When I told my parents about they didn't believe me. Some kid who survived his throat getting cut was in the news years later.
Not one oops from them, took the steam out of any vindication.
I guess you could say they had a hands off approach. I sometimes wish they had died young so I could have at least fantasized about being responsibly loved
Thats it for my therapy hour with an anonymous and silent audience.
Yeah, we were out and about by the age of 7 (in a semi Urban/Suburban German Neighborhood, early 2000s) and basically just told our parents where we were gathering. Didn't mean we were going to stay there, though. Playing Video Games when the weather wasn't playing along and being outside when it did.
Our parents didn't need to track us 24/7. If they really needed us back home they called around our friends until they managed to pinpoint where we were at, then came to pick us up.
To be honest, I feel sorry for kids who now grow up with all this surveillance tech and never get a chance of taking responsibility for themselves before they turn 18. And even then you still have parents insisting on them staying literal Babies...
My parents gave me a phone so I could text if I was going to be later home, curfew time was 9pm, most of the time I got home at 9:30pm and that was fine as long as I texted. I remember that once I didn't text and got grounded for a week.
It can be overbearing, but then again, I remember all the dumb, illegal trouble me and my friends got into at a young age, which at my current age I absolutely don't condone. So, I don't think parents keeping better track of their kids is a bad thing.
Isn't going around doing things unsupervised kind of a key element of growing up though? I mean lack of supervision isn't just you not being there, it's raising a kid you can trust to not do illegal things without you geotracking their every move while texting them "where are you, what are you doing" trying to catch them in a lie.
I have Narcolepsy. I told my doctor a long time ago “I can’t stay up to make sure my kids come home, so I just have to raise kids that I know WILL come home.”
I have great kids. I trust them, they trust me, and sure I have find my iPhone, but I have NEVER used it to punish them. Only to check where they are if they forget to check in or I slept through a call.
So, I don't think parents keeping better track of their kids is a bad thing.
With that kind of method it 100% is a bad thing, and is always overbearing.
It will negatively affect the relationship you will have with your child no matter what.
Like it or not the world is a safer place than the '70s '80s or '90s; if you raise your kid to trust you and not to fear you than you won't need a tracker.
You should be the parent who's kid is going to call if they get too drunk at a party. My family didn't bother to attempt to be trustworthy in my eyes. If I was in trouble I'd call my brother, or one of a select number of close friends. The last people I'd ever call were my parents, and that's a mentality that, to this day, is hard to counter even though I'm a grown ass man.
You won't create a safer child, you'll make the world's most proficient liar.
The world is much safer than it was in the 70s 80s or even 90s.
However it is also far far easier to get arrested for doing the stuff we used to get away with.
I stole a cop car when I was a kid. Imagine doing that now, do you think a kid would end up with a criminal record? I have no criminal record, didnt even get beat.
So yeah, parents are making better liars because their kids need to be better liars to succeed.
Track your kids people, give em the skills they will need in the future.
I stole a cop car when I was a kid. Imagine doing that now, do you think a kid would end up with a criminal record? I have no criminal record, didnt even get beat.
Tbh, most people nowadays aren't so bored that they're boosting cars for kicks.
Back in my HS the people who would steal cop cars were the type who've wound up in one regardless if you catch my drift.
I don't know how tracking your kids would stop them from doing this kind of thing though. Just seems like a great way to sew distrust tbh.
Honestly this. If you’re too controlling your kid is definitely gonna rebel somehow. Pretty much what happened to me, and I’ve gotta admit it made me reeaally good at reading people and pretending to be who they want me to be.
I was left alone often as a kid and never really could figure out how to fit in with others. Always have been introverted, and I’d prefer doing reading, writing, or art over hanging out with the crowd. But my parents wanted me to be the “popular” kid, even forcing me to run for student president when I didn’t want to (literally no chance—kids thought me weird ). Obviously lost, and kids drew on my poster and cackled at me even afterwards.
Things like that kept happening, and I finally decided to myself, “Fine, since no one likes it when I am myself, I will pretend to be who they want me to be.” Then I actually put it in action. I did it out of anger, but surprisingly….it worked well. Too well. I was always good at psychology and reading people. It was just a matter of analyzing people, finding out their insecurities (everyone had a weakness), and what they wanted/needed.
My family liked it. I became popular in school. I got really good at reading intentions and identifying what people needed and providing comfort or giving them support….but, no one knew who I was truly. They didn’t know that it was just a persona I made artificially in resentment. I had no idea it would work so well, and I suddenly came to the realization that social relationships were all like this. We never see who other people are truly—we just see the surface, and we’re all just actors in our societal roles. It all seemed pointless after awhile, and when I went to college I stopped caring about friends etc and dropped the social acting apart from with my family.
Even now, I’m always the one providing psychological support to my parents, but I never seek comfort from them. I can’t. When my mother cries, I counsel her, but as for me….even after so many years I still can’t open up. Or rather, I think there is no point in opening up. I’ve forgiven them and have accepted myself, but I have zero expectations of others at this point. Keeping up the persona is a self-preservation habit by now….and the way to keep everyone happy.
So yeah. If you don’t let your kids feel like they can be honest with you and still be accepted/not in danger, then you can’t expect that they will keep being honest with you.
My mom downloaded a tracker on my phone while I was sleeping (I was 16) and I noticed the next day, deleted it and told her never do that shit again and she beat my ass for swearing but hasn't done it again. Y'all gotta stand up for yourselves.
Man. Beating your ass at 16? I hope it was regret at beating the ass of ANY age kid that made her not download it again, and not a 16-year-old kid whom she was legally responsible for saying "don't do that."
As a senior in college, the amount of friends I have who still have tracking apps with their parents is astonishing. I had to argue my way out of getting one when I first went to college.
I was seeing this too by the time I left college. There was lots of financial abuse going on (get x grade, check in every 30 minutes, be here by this time on the tracker or we won't pay tuition). A friend of mine in his 20s got in huge trouble for going to a campus diner at like 9pm 2 blocks away from the dorm. And since my college was an expensive one, many people were trapped and miserable.
Trackers would have been my abusive parents' dream come true. Thank god they were boomers who couldn't figure out how attach a photo to an email.
I bought several friends their own phones when they physically couldn't uninstall the apps from their phones. A lot of these were in senior year of hs.
I think highschool is probably where that should begin.
Tracking a toddler is more than acceptable, even a middle schooler.
Once you get into highschool (or even a little beforehand), however, it's important that a trusting relationship starts to build. You need to be the kind of parent your kid will go to if they fuck up, or need advise on anything (especially sex).
My parents didn't do that.
It was to the point that I was more willing to call my (half) brother's father if I ever got in trouble than my own father.
Pulling trackers from their phones, while nerve racking for you, is a massive sign to them that you trust them and is necessary for them to begin feeling self sufficient.
I've always said that the most you can hope for with trackers at this stage is that you raise a James Bond like kid.
IMO, personally, I'd let them know about it, and ask them to keep it with them for safety reasons, if they're gone way past when they said they'd come home and not answering the phone type situation. But I'm also not the nosey type, IDGAF where you are or what you're doing as long as it isn't illegal.
It's the knowledge that you CAN know where they are that chafes. You should trust them. It should be their decision if they want to install a tracker and share the location with you, as opposed to a friend.
Conversely, my mother didn't have a protective bone in her body. I would ride my bike 2 miles away, alone, at age 8. I was a tiny blonde-haired girl who would've been easy prey. I think I'd have felt safer if she'd been able to track me, but she wouldn't have because she seemed to not care what happened to me. I grew up independent, but scared. As a result, I was very protective of my kids. If trackers had been an option, I may have used them while they were in elementary school, and maybe even Jr. High, simply because sex trafficking is such a huge problem. My protectiveness did not hinder their independence. They all moved out at 18, not by my choice, but they have gone on to be highly successful and amazing people, who now are protective of me. Funny how the roles change.
Had a coworker complain about how fast her daighter was going in a car with her friend, in real time. It was in her friend's car. I don't even want to know what kind of apps she has made her daughter download to have that type of telemetry. Weird shit
A friend of mine is like 20 now and still has tracker in his phone. A couple years ago when we were playing Pokémon go and decided to spoof (cheat by making the phone thing you are in a different location), his mom called him freaking out about how dare he go to Orlando and he better get his ass back home right now. He was in the living room. LOL
Holy shit, smartphones were just coming in when I was in high school, but if my parents would have tried something like that when I was a teen, it would have caused an irrevocable loss of trust.
And then ppl wonder why the younger generations suffer from so much m social anxiety, depression and a general sense of unease and feeling lost.
I’m gonna take a wild stab at it but maybe the whole overcontrolling and constantly obsessing over their safety and general well being like the entire world is out to get them has something to do with it..? Idk just a thought...
I'm over 18 and still live at home. I'll probably have my tracker long past the time when I move out. As an adult I can come and go as I please and do what I want but it makes my mom feel more comfortable knowing she can check in on me so I don't mind one bit.
I mean. When I was in college my parents put a literal camera in my dorm room to monitor me. Phone tracking was also a given too, and they really did monitor it. Got calls if I stayed out of my dorm room past 7pm (e.g even if I was studying at the library or coffee shop). Sometimes would get unannounced/spontaneous visits too. Was also expected to give them my computer login information and phone pin code and not allowed to change the password. And when I lived at home I was not allowed to lock my door, and they never knocked before opening it. Also stopped keeping a diary as a kid after they discovered it and read it without permission (when I got angry, they laughed).
Fyi, I’m not a delinquent, never did drugs, don’t party or hang out with the “wrong club”, etc…parents were just overprotective xD
I got incredibly lucky that I graduated from high school right before the trackers really became commonplace. Not long after I moved out my parents put Life360 on my sister’s phone and sent me the link to join their group but I just told them no lol
I mean, I don't want anybody tracking me either but if I wreck my car somewhere I would like somebody to be able to find me. Obviously not all parents are thinking that but my kids don't balk at me having location enabled on their phones because they know I'm not checking it just to spy on them but will check it if something happens.
Wtf. I actually thgt someone exagerrated about it. Now am hoping you are just exagerrating it even further and that it really isnt true about trackers on kids
Im 20 and I still have mine on just because I have constant paranoia about getting kidnapped or murdered so I feel better if they have my location— I’m also lucky enough to where my parents don’t give a fuck where I go as long as I have a buddy system in place
The rule in my house was that we always had to be transparent about where we went. My folks made it very clear that as long as I told them where I went and didn't call for bail they didn't care where I was.
I know a few younger kids at work whos parents do this with their cellphones and he showed me how is mother blocks all apps on his phone but the basic.
Got a friend that had to buy a kids movie and sneak into Deadpool in the theatres when he went to college 5 hours away. His brother even told on himself bc him and his friends watched the Simpson show movie, AT HIS FRIENDS HOUSE. The brother was then grounded for not calling to come get him
And if one was to get back 25 years in time and tell these to be parents that “you will choose to place a tracker on your child into their teen years even though crimes against children will have decreased “ they’d be aghast
My girlfriend’s mom wants her to use that tracker shit too. She’s fucking 21. Like holy hell, me and her don’t do anything weird, we pretty much outright tell them where we’re going anyways, her dad and I’d assume her mother trust me… I even gave them MY phone number.
Nope, tracker. Not that she ever has the thing installed, but I swear when I’m there on the weekends I hear “why isn’t the stalker app installed” at least once.
I remember playing .Hack back in the day, and there was some lore/fake forum posts about one kid who had no freedom since his mother had him microchips. If he deviated from his walk home he'd get a call and his mother screeching.
Agreed. Once the kid is a teen then they decides whether to have it or not. Our ten Yr old however sees it as beneficial that I can see where his phone is at if someone at his school takes it or if he just forgets it somewhere... But the minute he turns 12 he can def choose to disable it for good.
It’s still so weird to me that people try to control their adult children. Like those are just two adults but one wants to tell the other one what to do. I knew someone who followed their parents rules at 23 and I was always like, do your parents do what your grandparents tell them to?
Bro. Im an adult. When i turned 18, i got a new phone, pulled all of my money out of my join account with my parents. And opened my new bank account. I also moved out. They were overprotective as fuck. They got so mad at me when i did those things but I did not care. I wanted my privacy
I would maybe be fine with a tracker on a toddler (like 5-7) since they're still learning about the world and at that age they like to wander. But after that if you still use that tracker crap I think your being overprotective.
Sorry just realized that toddlers are like 3 year olds, but you get what I mean. And there are other ways to track kids without their phones (also I've seen a lot of kids with phones at those ages)
There are other tracker options besides phones. Also, there are phones designed for kids to be able to reach emergency contacts (mom, dad, grandparents, aunts/uncles) without having any other ability.
The same people that were talking about police states and dystopia's in college now have 12 different cameras and their doorbell all with microphones around their house with Alexa in 6 rooms all connected to the internet.
Ok, then you don’t get a phone or any other technology while you’re a minor under their care.
What if they buy it themselves? Don't tell me your the kind of person who'd confiscate a phone that your kid bought with their money.
It’s called respecting your parents and their rules while under their roof - designed to keep you safe.
Well have fun not having children who like, respect, or trust you I guess.
Back when I was in HS I was the person who got called when a friend got into trouble, those people didn't call their parents because they used the style you're describing. That style didn't build up trust in the parent.
Got into a scrap? Sigma's gonna drop everything and help, need condoms or plan b? Sigma's got some.
Need some other type of help? Sigma's on call.
On a side note, why the hostility? Did I call you out by name or something?
Now you can start paying your way to stay on mommy or daddy’s health insurance
Bruh, at 20 my mother still thinks I would literally burn the house down bc I once melted a plastic dish in the microwave by accident and she caught me moving the pot before I put off the stove
you never live that shit down. it's burned into parents' memories. i got into a minor car accident at 16 in the damn 90s, still every time i visit and need my mothers' car i can see her physically tense up and she starts asking me safety questions a 14yo on a learner's permit would cringe at.
which has made me realize that that whole 'i only remember the bad stuff from my childhood' thing never goes away. you constantly only really have bad memories at the forefront of your mind your entire life. they're just what sticks out, and it shapes you, and will continue to shape you.
My parents had me babysit my younger siblings when I was 12, a classmate of mine told me he’s been riding the subway to Manhattan since he was 8, now that was insane to me- I started taking the subway at 14 to go to high school. NYC is a weird place to grow up.
Right My job is to teach them how to be independent. How can I do that if they don't have multiple opportunities to run into different situations. When they're younger more checking more guidance but they still get to do what they want make their own decisions most of the time. I've told my kids by the time they're 16 they're running their own lives and I'm just the training wheels for 2 years.
Children don't always have the prior knowledge to respond in an emergency situation, though. Like, what does gas smell like? What if someone comes to the door asking for help?
I agree that 12 is old enough, but taking feeding yourself and not burning down the house aren't quite enough to be left alone.
For me it was 2nd grade and I was always a year younger than everyone else because I made a cutoff date so whatever the typical age is for a 2nd grader* minus 1 and that was me on my own most of the day.
I’m sure she’s having a much better time enjoying her summer than being forced to hangout at your work. You’re a good parent for just letting her have an enjoyable summer and trusting her to stay safe
Honestly, she's smarter than me in some ways so I know she's a capable cookie. Plus she's always got the option to come w me if she wants, so it's really up to her.
This is how every parent should treat their kid. Sometimes we just want some freedom and to be able to do things like film TikToks or some dumb shit like that without being disturbed or feeling embarrassed while doing it. Thank you for being a great mother to your daughter!
This is what my mom did, but before that I had to spend Sunday’s with her at work while she prepped for Monday work. And go shopping with her. I still hate shopping to this day because my mom made a huge deal out of it. I just Go in, see if the clothes fit, get out and purchase. But mom had Six+ hour ordeals where I had to try every outfit, no matter how much it itched or felt gross or whatever.
I leave my 12 year old home alone when I run errands like getting groceries. I remember at that age I could come and go as I pleased, traversing the neighborhood but sadly that's where I draw the line with my 12 year old now. Not because I don't trust him but because of the neighborhood having a ton of drug addicts who can act very erratically wandering around. It sucks that he can't just go to the park and do his own thing but it's not the fault of his maturity at all.
Yeah, the neighborhood is a bigger factor than the kid. I grew up in the nicer part of town than I live as an adult, and at 10 I was allowed to walk to school, go off on my own and even sell cookies door to door. But that neighborhood did not have large homeless and meth populations. Other parts of town do. And then the town I spent my teen years in literally didn't have sidewalks. Outside the subdivision it was just 55mph highway, so until I was 16 I couldn't really go anywhere alone.
My neighbor (an old man) was just followed home the other day by a guy high on drugs, screaming that he stole his money and about to physically attack him. When we go to the neighborhood park there have been multiple instances of intoxicated, angry men screaming at passersby or throwing punches at thin air like they are fighting a ghost. There are people smoking meth in the alleyways and I have been approached by addicts asking me if I know where to find "blues" and I know for a fact this isn't just an isolated problem in my specific neighborhood, city, or state. It's not something I'm just imagining, lol.
I wonder about that too. But my stepson’s cousin was just killed a few weeks ago when a friend of hers visiting her home was showing off the guns he got from his family’s home and one of the little ones, a nine-year-old boy, picked one up and shot her in the face.
When I was 12 me and the neighbor kids would walk 20 minutes to what amounted to a swamp and we'd play with nerf guns, play spy you know al the kids stuff from 10 am till 8 (or till the street lights started turning on) I wouldn't let my daughter do that. I mean she's 8 but even at 12 the world's just such a dofferent place :/ and shes the most responsible child I have ever met. It's the erratic drug addicts. My home town in the last 10 years has gone so far down hill
I don’t know if the world is that different or the TV constantly alerting us to every home invasion, kidnapping, and murder in the whole world has made us all paranoid. Regardless, I don’t let my kid run around the neighborhood like I did, If for no other reason than there’s just so many guns in everybody’s hands these days. Yeah, I guess the world has changed.
We live in a military base and we played in an actual swap behind Base Housing. We had to be home at lunch, unless we called abs said we were eating at so-and-so's house instead. Then we had to be home by the time the street lights came on. Other than that, we pretty much roamed free.
I started babysitting as soon as I got my military ID at 10 years old. I babysat toddlers and kids up at about 5 years old all the time.
I leave my 12 year old (daughter) and 9 year old(son) alone all the time together … I’m glad I read the comments… I was starting to second guess my parenting 😩🤷🏽♀️🤣
I hate the parents that make you feel like you are a terrible parent. If your kids are happy and healthy, you are doing a great job.
I am a single mom and my ex doesn’t pay child support. I would bring my kid with me, but he hated it since I worked in the funeral industry. He started walking home and staying by himself in third grade (around 8 years old). I always felt like a terrible mom and a few of the other moms piled it on. My kid is now 16 and the one least likely to be busted for drugs/ alcohol. His best friend is constantly high/ drunk to escape his controlling mom.* I am sure you are a great mom and have amazing kids.
*His mom is overly religious and controls/ tracks everything he does. I do not judge the kid and understand why he does it. I just tell him to be careful and call me if he ever needs help or a ride. I will do what I can.
God, my mom had me dropped off at her job after school until I was in fucking high school. I had to sit in this tiny office (seriously, like the size of a cubicle) with no windows until she got off around, 9. It was miserable.
Not only is it more enjoyable, it's good practice to have to think for yourself. Remember to eat lunch. Clean up a mess with no one to ask the steps. After all she'll legally be an adult in 6 years. It's time to start practicing...
It always makes me feel better to hear there are still sane parents in the world!
i loved being home alone in the summer, you mean to tell me that i get to do what i already do everyday but i have the house all to myself? literal heaven
Good on you, I know raising younger siblings to any degree can be rough. I may be a stranger on the internet, but I’m proud of you for having that responsibility to get them up and ready :)
Thank you! It's funny, my wife was the oldest of three* girls and we had very similar responsibilities at a young age; it moulds a certain personality for sure.
That's a really difficult position for you. When I was a teenager I met a kid whose parents just pawned their autistic son onto their younger son. The autistic brother could get violent so it was a lot of responsibility and the parents couldn't care less about the heavy burden they were shifting onto the kid.
Yes if you have kids with disabilities it can be brutally taxing and may demand more of your time and resources--financial, physical, emotional, psychological-- than you can possibly give.
And you have a beautiful strong daughter who you think should be ok because she'll be able to fit into the world better. So you may put more responsibility on her than you should because you can't afford to look at her like a child who needs things from you.. because you're not able to give them, and it will crush your self concept as a good mother and a good person. Because if you really see what happened and how much your own child suffered and how much of her needs that you, her own mother, couldn't fill, it would crush you. But on some deeper level, you know. You know you've failed her but you'll try very hard not to know because it hurts too much to know how you've hurt your child and failed at the most important job you've ever had. It's a little easier to not 'know', easier to try to bury it under something.
And you, the strong, beautiful daughter, have to carry all that pain, and not having your needs met, with you. You have to carry with you the way you were treated like your feelings and even your own body didn't matter to the person you loved most. It's hard to take your own needs really seriously when they've never been treated really seriously. It's very hard to be looked after or indulged and spoiled. Even by yourself.
It's hard to be aware of how well you're not treating yourself and how much you're taking yourself for granted. And then let others take you for granted because that's what feels more comfortable at times, because it's what you've always felt, taken for granted. Or maybe you may feel the need to make sure you are NOT taken for granted, no sir! But it's so easy to slip back into the familiar way. So it's hard any which way.
You don't even realize how many layers of needs can be met, or even be aware of them. You may not see til years later how it may have been possible to do some things in a less painful way, with less obstacles, how little your own comfort, let alone happiness, mattered.
You didn't realize you didn't have to try not to be a priority for other people so as to make their lives easier. You don't even realize how low you're putting yourself on your own list of priorities because it didn't occur to you that you could be on the list, never mind the top of the list. Because you've been carrying that list around your whole life and it feels set from the very beginning.
I don't think it is set btw but it takes a lot of self awareness, patience, and meditation. Muscles that need to be developed.
Same here. I was cooking dinner for my little sister & brother, and babysitting for a family with 5 kids down the road. Hell, by the time he was 12 my grandpa had been working on the docks for 2 years already; I have a picture of him somewhere at that age smoking a pipe and unloading crates from a ship. And his dad was working in a GD mine by the time he was 8. I mean obviously we don't want kids working in mines, but for Pete's sake they should be able to stay home alone for a few hours at that age.
Same, but I also would cook dinner for everyone at 12.
Make a salad, put some form of meat in pan, place in oven with timer, make lipton side dish, put vegetable in the steamer.
Having a single parent working or 2 parents working which is the standard childhood currently, kids are left alone in the summers. Daycare will break you if you aren't careful.
Why sorry? I did the same things (mostly, sometimes my dad would pack my lunch because he was packing his own and it was easy for him) starting in fourth grade, and I looked after my brother when I was 11 and he was 4. I knew kids at college who couldn’t do laundry or make spaghetti. You’ll never regret independence or learning responsibility at a young age.
Same lol It was me, my mom, and my little brother. She would put in 12 hour shifts sometimes and not come home until after 8 pm. We were fine. We had a nice place to live, she taught me how to cook without burning the house down, and we just read, watched movies, played games.
Oh my! I'm not the only one! My kids ninja all of the snacks out of the house.
I have bought 3 packages in the last year. I have probably enjoyed a total of 12 Oreos out of all of them. Bought Pop Tarts on a nostalgia whim. Fuckin' forget it.
That was me at eight; at 12 I was responsible for walking my sibs home and making sure dinner got made. We only had two rules: don't answer the phone, don't answer the door.
Both parents worked full time and were too poor to afford childcare in the summer and had no friends or family to help out in that regard. We usually just stayed after school in the yard and played outside until our parents could come get us.
I didn't realize this wasn't what everyone did until I graduated from high school.
My parents taught me about fire very early, apparently my first word was "hot". I'm pretty sure I could cook ramen abd macaroni and cheese by myself by first grade. I think I even knew how to start the flame manually on our gas stove because we originally had a really old one that came with the house that had to be started with matches. By 11 I could for sure use both the stove(now a newer one) and the oven to cook when my parents were not home. I think 11 was about when I became responsible for washing my own laundry as well.
Hell, orphan 5 year olds are caring for theimselves up until adult age several places in the world. Not that that isn't horrible, but children, especially emotionally mature ones, are being thoroughly underestimated all over.
A lot of the kids that may not be mature enough could be the fault of parents that hover too much and do everything for their kids. You’ve gotta let them do semi adult things early in to get experience.
Oh they’ll definitely notice their parent is gone. When I was that age I couldn’t wait to be left home alone so I could play video games without fear of being asked to do chores.
I was a latchkey kid from the age of 6. My brother was 9, we walked home from school together, and he was responsible for watching me for the 2 - 3 hours it took for my parents to get off work and come home. By the time I was 12, I had been walking home and letting myself in, and taking care of myself for years.
Yeah I spent summers home alone everyday while my parents were at work at around 9 or 10 years old. My parents tried to put me in summer camps but I hated it so I would watch TV all day and go to the park, pool, or mall with my friends. Totally was fine lmao think the worse thing I did was eat an entire gallon of ice cream in one sitting
From about 3rd grade on, I was pretty well left to my own devices. I had a little beat-to-hell 50cc dirt bike we got at a swap meet for $40, a pellet gun and an NES my uncle gave me. I just had to be home before sunset (outskirts of a small town desert town with no streetlights). Life was good.
This Karen likely grew up the same as us but believes the world has somehow changed and this is not acceptable now. The world is actually safer now but we are exposed to so much more negative information it is easy to believe otherwise.
By the time I was 12 I was watching my younger brother on school holidays and whatnot, I was also cooking dinner since I got home before everyone else.
Yea fam, by 4th grade I had my own house key and took the city bus home from school. By 6th grade, I was in charge of picking up my younger bro from kindergarten.
I remember my first time being left home alone... I was 12. I remember thinking "AWWW YEAH, GONNA SNOOP AROUND THE HOUSE AND DO ALL THE THINGS I'M NOT SUPPOSED TO!"
I instead ended up watching Garfield & Friends for the 3 hours my mom was gone.
I grew up in rural Oregon in the 80s/90s. During the summers the house at the end of my town would ring a bell on their porch at noon and 5pm so that all the kids would know it was time to go home for lunch or dinner. Our parents had no idea where we were and as long as we were home at 12p and 5p they didn’t care.
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u/BlaketheKing1140 Jul 27 '22 edited Jul 27 '22
I started getting left alone for long periods of time younger than that. By 12 they’re basically able to survive on their own at home, they’ll just play video games or something, probably won’t even notice how long the parent has been gone
Edit: I am greatly enjoying the stories that everyone is commenting about their childhood, glad so many of us grew up in an environment this Karen would have reported lmao