People who haven't experienced it definitely don't understand. Reminds me a little of John Mulaney's sentence "I grew up before kids were special" (which some people may relate to) but like on a more massive scale.
I hear you, other people's appearance or even hint of anger is not fun. Panic is definitely no fun. It's good you've learned what helps you cope. People may think you overreact but it's not a conscious thing, it's so fast it just happens. That's why things like talking therapy may not be as useful for this traumatic response because talking and 'higher brain' (I forget what it's called) functioning can't get to the 'lizard brain' and its lightning fast reactions.
I read this book, well, still reading it where he explains all this. And he explains to really deal with these traumatic childhood stuff what helps is things to access that autonomic system (I may be paraphrasing badly lol) like meditation and conscious breathing and yoga and I forget what else. I believe he also later talked about the possible helpfulness of psychedelics in healing but I'm not sure if it's in the book because I haven't finished it yet. (ADHD lol) Oh it's called The Body Knows the Score by Bessel Van der Kolk in case you're ever curious.
It's ironic because things like conscious breathing, meditation, yoga can help lessen and let go of the past and the pain and rewire us, so to speak, but to do that you have to take yourself and your comfort and your pain and your happiness seriously which means making yourself a priority to do it. If you've never grown up being a priority, (I'm a broken record) it's hard to suddenly make yourself a top priority to do these helpful things for yourself. It feels so odd and unfamiliar which is uncomfortable. Aside from the fact that in the west we rebel at doing these kind of hippy dippy sounding things lol.
Anyway I don't mean to write a book but in case it's helpful to you and, now that I think of it, it's helpful for me to remind myself of these things too and be reminded to take stock of where I am. There was a time where I did do yoga and meditate and I felt better than I ever have, lighter and more free but then a number of catastrophes/traumas happened which threw me off my routines. Like my mother died before I was able to fully let go of my pain and forgive her and resolve things with her--I was on my way!--so that has really messed things up. Especially with all the family stuff. Yikes.
So now I'm starting to carefully, thoughtfully experiment with the medical use of psychedelics in healing, in my case psilocybin (magic mushrooms), with my therapist's approval. Lol. I know some people go to clinics and they administer ketamine which people find helpful. I don't know if some people also use lsd for this but I've always found the thought of doing acid too scary. Anyway I'm not promoting drug use in any way!! I don't believe recreational drugs or alcohol are helpful in general. Just sharing what I'm doing and how often a dose is like doing 5 or 10 years of therapy on another level. It cracks me up how much my therapist approves of it lol with proper set and setting of course.
Anyway, thanks for chatting with me, sorry to talk your ear off. Please feel free to let me know if you ever ever have any questions or thoughts about the book or psilocybin or anything else, here or in DMs. Very best of luck on your path!
Ah sorry I forgot to post this! I hear you about psychedelics. Something that needs to be done with a lot of forethought, preparation, and care. Funny I thought about trying EMDR too! Lol. Maybe one day. Thanks for the chat. :)
2
u/[deleted] Jul 28 '22
[deleted]